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One dollar and forty-three cents.
That's all. You had been carefully putting money aside. A dollar here, a couple more dollars there. You had been careful. Making sure not to splurge when buying groceries. Staying away from fast food places. No new outfits. You even unsubscribed from your streaming services. You checked your checking account three times. One dollar and forty-three cents. And tomorrow is Christmas.
All you can do is fall back into your bed and cry. And so you do after letting out a frustrated scream into your pillow.
And while your crying dies down, the silence in your studio apartment consumes you. A studio apartment because that's all you and Chan can afford.
The apartment you two rented when you and Chan were much better off. When you would have wiggle room after paying rent, utilities, and all your other bills. When you both were working more and barely had time to see each other. And still, you were happier than, savoring those short moments you would spend with Chan. How his exhausted smile and dark eyes would light up when he saw you after a long day.
You finally stop crying, having no more tears left to cry. You walk over to your kitchen, grab a glass, and fill it with water. You take a sip before setting the glass down and going to clean your face in the sink. Drying your face and looking out the window without much care for what's going on outside. Tomorrow is Christmas and all you have is $1.43 to buy something for Chan. You saved all you could, but your paycheck isn't as big as it used to be. And everything is more expensive than before.
Only $1.43 to buy a gift for Chan. Your Chan . You spent too much time fantasizing about what to get him. Something worthy of him. Something he deserved. Something that would show him how much he means to you.
You look around the apartment, unsure of what else to do. Your eyes fall on the jewelry box that sits on your side of the bed. Not much sat inside. Just a few cheap rings, earrings, bracelets, and necklaces that you bought from second-hand shops or novelty stores. In a special compartment in the bottom lived the necklace that passed down from your mother who got it from her mother who got it from her mother and so forth. The chain and pendant were made of pure gold. The pendant was a flower made up of many small diamonds. It was one of the most expensive things in your apartment, apart from Chan's guitar.
A red electric guitar that Chan keeps in a case under the bed. The only place where it wouldn't be in the way in the entire apartment. Chan saved up for that guitar, you remember the look on his face when he brought it home. You also remember the music he would play from it frequently. You could listen to him play that guitar for hours. You haven't heard him play music since his amplifier broke. After all the money he spent on the guitar, he could only afford to buy a secondhand amplifier. It lasted for a good while. But now, with all the living expenses the two of you have, he couldn't even afford to buy a used one again. At least, not a decent one. So his guitar lives unplayed under your bed.
You let out a deep sigh before quickly getting dressed in your winter clothes, grabbing your necklace, and heading out into the chilly winter with tears in your eyes.
***
"How much for this?" You ask as you set the pendant of your necklace down on the counter.
The tired owner of the pawnshop you walked into looks down at you and back at the pendant.
"Just the pendant?" He sighs. You nod quickly, unsure of what else to day. The original chain that came with the necklace broke a while ago and you didn't want to put it on any old chain that you knew would break quickly. Repairing the chain was expensive and the least of your concerns, so the necklace sat in your jewelry box until you could afford a new chain or to fix the old one.
He licks his lips before turning around and grabbing something from behind him. He turns back around wearing one of those magnifying glasses you've only seen in movies. He carefully picks up the pendant and inspects it with a small monocular jewelry magnifying glass.
Thump, thump
Your heart pounds in your chest as time slowly passes by. You fidget with your hands as you wait anxiously for him to finish. His white hair covers his eyes. You wish you could read his expression.
"I can give you $400 for it," He finally says.
"Oh," You quietly reply. $400 is a lot, but it's not enough to get Chan a decent amp. Even with the sale the music store down the street is having. And you didn't want to get Chan a used amp. He deserves a new one.
"It would have been worth more with the chain. Any chain really," He adds.
You bit your lower lip to stop it from quivering. Your heart sinks to the floor. You try to hide your disappointment but as Chan loves to point out, you're shit at hiding your emotions.
"T-the chain broke," You finally reply, your voice wavering.
"I see," He mumbles. Sensing your desperation, he lets out another sigh, "Look, seeing as it's Christmas and that you've taken really good care of this pendant, I'm willing to buy it for $600. Final offer."
"I-I'll take it," You sniffle, finally able to breathe. You can make $600 work. You could get Chan a decent amp that you know would last him a long time. One that you knew that would make him happy. And that's enough to feel a bit better about selling your pendant.
***
You were able to make it to the music store before they closed and, lady luck finally being on your side, you were able to get the last amplifier that they had in your price range. It was one of the ones you were researching before that had a lot of good reviews. With the sale, you were able to afford the amplifier and the warranty. You even had a little left over to have them wrap the amp for you.
How you managed to carry it home by yourself is a mystery. How you got it inside the apartment and hid it before Chan got home is another one. By the time Chan got home, you were setting the table for dinner. Stew again, one of the easier things to make that would last a while. Unlike the meals that you and Chan used to cook, which were much more extravagant and would last maybe one or two days before you would have to make something else.
The smile that comes over Chan's tired face is enough to let you know that you made the right choice in selling your pendant.
The two of you talk about your days and a lot of small, mundane things that you talk about every day. Things you never get tired of talking about with Chan. You could listen to him read the ingredients on a box of cereal and be happy.
As the night ends, the two of you fall asleep in each other's arms. At some point, you wake up in the middle of the night and climb out of bed to pull the amplifier from its hiding place, putting it beside your ridiculously small tree. You couldn't afford to get a tree this year. You always preferred real Christmas trees and fake trees were out of your price range. Chan managed to get the top half of a real tree from a tree lot that got ran over. It came up to knees, but it was a tree. You set the amp next to the tree before crawling back into bed with Chan.
***
"Y/n, what's that?" Chan's deep morning voice asks you as he wakes up.
You had woken up early again and decided to make some hot cocoa for you and Chan to have while he opened his present.
"It's your Christmas gift, Channie." You hum as you get up to make him a cup.
"I told you, you didn't have to get me anything." He yawns, sitting up from the sofa bed.
"I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to. You deserve this." You walk back to the bed and hand him his cup. He presses a soft kiss on your cheek.
"Can I open it?" He asks, a wide grin taking over his face, melting your heart.
"Go for it," You smile back.
Chan sets his mug down on the floor and excitedly runs over to his gift. You sit up as you watch him tear off the wrapping paper. You set your mug down on the floor next to his. You watch in confusion as Chan's smile slowly drops.
"Y/n, how did you afford this?" He asks quietly, unsure of what to say.
"It doesn't matter, Channie." You reply softly.
"Y/n," He looks up at you, an expression you can read is all over his face.
"I...I sold the necklace my mom gave me." You whisper.
"You sold your necklace?" He repeats.
"Yeah, but it's fine because the chain was broken and--Chan?" You watch as Chan suddenly gets up and walks over to the rack where the two of you keep your clothes.
He's there for a moment, rustling through his clothes before he walks back over to you. He hands you a long, rectangular velvet box.
"Open it," He says softly, a sad look in his eyes.
You pull the ribbon off and open the box to find a gold chain. Almost exactly like the one that broke. One that would have been perfect for your pendant.
"C-han, " Your voice breaks as tears well up in your eyes.
"I love your gift. I was just shocked because...I sold my guitar to get you that chain." He sits down next to you, resting a hand on your knee.
"You sold your guitar? To get me this?" You ask, shocked that he sold his guitar.
"I knew you were devastated that you couldn't wear your necklace anymore and didn't want to put it on another chain that would break. So I thought...Looks like you had the same idea." He slightly chuckles.
You sniffle, unable to hold your tears back anymore. You fumble around as you try to take the chain out of the box. Chan's hands rest on yours, stopping you.
"You don't have to wear it, Y/n." He whispers. You finally look up at him, tears brim his eyes.
"I don't need a pendant. I can just wear it like this." You try to explain.
"Why don't we put our gifts away for now and save them for when we can both enjoy them properly? Huh? And then we can just spend the day watching movies. That's all I really need anyway."
"I love you, Chan," You mumble, trying not to cry harder.
"I love you too, Y/n," He smiles before pressing another soft kiss to your lips.