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Alex is tired. His feet are tired from walking the entirety of the massive mall for hours. His eyes are tired from the sleep deprivation that always comes with this time of year. His arms are tired from carrying more bags than he deems reasonable from one shopping trip, and yet Nora is busy filling even more from the store she is currently checking out in. Then he hears familiar voices approaching. He turns to see Percy just as he comes to a stop beside him, and for a moment he doesn’t feel as tired; at least he’s sure he isn’t as tired as the ever lively Percy now looks.
Hanging from Percy’s back is June, whom he lets down so she can bounce in place between them. She is bouncing, Alex supposes, from the SmallCakes Smash (a homemade cupcake split in half with two scoops of homemade ice cream in the middle) he had warned Percy not to get her. But Auntie Pezza can do anything… and that includes handling a hyperactive child filled with sugar. At least Auntie Pezza thought he could do anything; Alex thinks he may have finally found the exception.
“You look… tired Pez,” Alex quips, to which he receives a death glare.
“Tired?” Pez gasps, then blows out a sharp puff of air, and waves his hand nonchalantly. “Hardly! We’ve only come to let you know she wants to go ice skating.”
“Is that so…”
“It is,” Percy replies, crossing his arms stubbornly. “We– We’ve only come by to make sure it's alright with you, you know… since you are her parent.” There’s a hitch to his voice, and Alex can practically hear the mental begging for him to say no.
“Oh please Papa!” Both men look at June, and she is no longer bouncing, but simply looking up at Alex with her big doe shaped Hazel eyes, and full bottom lip poked out in a pleading pout. Alex knows that look enough to know if he tells her no for Percy’s sake, he will likely be taking her himself later. “Pretty pretty please!!”
Alex hears Percy groan (he also knows that groan… that is the groan of defeat). “Oh come on little Princess, I’m sure he doesn’t mind.”
“You sure you don’t?” Alex asks, trying to not sound too excited for Percy’s change of heart.
“Yes I’m sure ,” Percy snaps back, not entirely bitter, but maybe just a little. “But fork over your wallet Pops, because you can pay for it, and for me a frappuccino with a triple shot of espresso.” Alex laughs, but he gives Percy the money for the ice skates and the coffee. “And you better go tell your buddy Santa Claus to make sure I get something for being so nice for Christmas,” he adds.
“Papa is friends with Santa?”
“Oh yes,” Percy says as he takes June’s hand and leads her towards the skating rink. “Your Papa and ol’ St Nick go way back.”
Alex rolls his eyes, but talks of seeing Santa (even though they are due to see him later that evening) intrigues him enough to slip off from Nora – as soon as she is out of the store and can take all her bags back of course – and go over to the little snow covered cottage in the corner of the food court where the man in the big red suit is busy talking with children and taking pictures. “And what would you like for Christmas…” Alex hears as he gets closer. He can see, through an open side window, Santa sitting in his big chair with a small child sitting on his knee. The little boy looks up at him shyly and whispers something in his ear. “Oh what a wonderful choice. Well, if you continue to be such a good boy, I’m sure you’ll get exactly what you want come Christmas morning. You have a very Merry Christmas.”
He waits until he sees the child skip happily out the front door, and he bites his lips to stop from smiling too hard as he walks past Santa’s (hilariously dressed in his opinion) security Elf and slips quietly through the door. Inside Santa is seated in a large red and green velvety chair; his head is resting against the back of it and his eyes are closed. “That British accent is fighting for its life to be freed,” Alex says with a smirk.
Henry startles, then looks up at him and his face immediately brightens – even if it does look almost nothing like his face at the moment; maybe what his face will look like in fifty years if he has miraculously gained the ability to grow a full beard by then. The make-up artist this mall hired to transform Henry into Santa for the day definitely deserves a raise.
Henry wasn’t exactly thrilled to be spending the day playing Santa, but he’d gotten himself into the predicament. Usually the mall where they take June to see Santa hires a man more fitting of the role (white hair, already with a beard, old). However the regular Santa had woken up not feeling too jolly, and they were struggling finding a replacement so last minute and so close to Christmas; and June wanted to see Santa so bad; and she was absolutely devastated to learn he wasn’t there when they had arrived earlier that morning; and apparently Henry suddenly became possessed by the spirit of Christmas insanity, because out of the blue he sought out the Mall Manager, and offered to fill the spot for the day.
“What are you doing here? Where’s June?” Henry asks. The line has finally died down for a moment, though it likely won’t be empty for long; Henry has actually been a big hit with the kids.
“She’s ice skating with Percy.”
“Oh god , and who’s idea was that?”
“Definitely not Percy’s,” Alex says. They both laugh and Henry pushes off the chair.
“So…” Alex begins, and he can’t help but let his eyes wander over his husband. “Does Santa get a break anytime soon? Preferably while Percy is still wrangling June out on the ice?” He gives Henry a devious look and wiggles his eyebrows at him.
Henry laughs; “Don’t tell me this is really doing something for you?” He grabs his fake belly and shakes it.
“Hmm,” Alex shrugs with a suggestive smirk. “Maybe it will once it's paired with the outfit I found.” He reaches into the single bag he still has with what few things he’d bought, and fishes around until he feels what he’s looking for. He pulls it out and puts on the little elf hat and Henry laughs loudly. “There’s a whole suit, but if I show you the rest now, you might fire your current elf and replace her with me.” He winks at the girl playing Santa’s helper; she looks up over her phone at him and rolls her eyes with a smile. “So about that break?”
Henry sighs; “Oh alright!” He finally says, and Alex definitely basks a little in how easily he got his way.
“One more thing,” Alex says, going back into the bag while Henry radios in to the Mall manager he is taking his fifteen. By the time Henry has grabbed his phone and turned around Alex has found what he was looking for and clipped it on some string lights hanging above them.
Henry looks up at the mistletoe and a smile spreads across his face. “You truly are an absolute menace, do you know that?” He says, affectionately. Alex shrugs again and steps closer. “Alex there are people—”
“Come on H,” Alex says, taking another step and now he is right in Henry’s face. “It’s a Christmas rule, and I’m pretty sure Santa is all about following the rules.” The helper giggles, and Henry rolls his eyes, but he leans forward and kisses Alex anyway. It’s quick and simple, and yet it causes just as many butterflies in Alex’s stomach as any of the many passionate kisses they’ve shared. (He’s just got it that bad for this man, he knows it, ok?)
“Happy?” Henry asks, stepping back from Alex.
“Yep!” Alex replies, popping the P . “See ya Elf,” he adds, waving to the helper and holding the door open for Henry, before reaching into his pocket for his phone that has started buzzing non stop and sees their group chat has multiple new messages.
Percy: you got a problem heading your way!
Nora: What is it with you two and open windows?!
Percy: you and Santa better take cover!
Nora: I say this with love, but you are both idiots!!
Alex stares at the messages confused, then Henry clears his throat. “O- Oh, hello there young lady,” Henry says, swapping back to the deep American accent he’s been using as Santa, and Alex looks past him. There is a little girl storming towards the cottage; their little girl. Behind her is Percy and Nora, arms full of bags, and eyes full of panic.
What is it with you two and open windows?
The kiss.
Fuck , is all Alex has time to think before June reaches Henry, pulls her leg back and then kicks him, hard, in the shin. “Aaaooww!” He cries, grabbing for his leg. “What on earth–” But before he can question, or scold, or respond at all, June is going off about how her Papa is married and her Daddy is an amazing person; who also happens to be a Prince that very likely has the authority to have even Santa Claus thrown in the dungeon for something so awful; and what would Mrs. Claus and all the elves think of him off on business, kissing a married man. She is going on and on, all the while she stands with her feet planted firmly in front of Henry, one hand on her hip and the other wagging a finger up at Henry’s face.
Henry, in response, has turned as red as his suit and keeps looking from June to Alex and back, clearly unsure of what to do. Hell, Alex is unsure of what to do to dissolve this… complete misunderstanding (read: disaster).
Then, like a sickening reminder of the incident that started their relationship, Alex sees the flash of a camera. Then another, and another, and another. Alex locks eyes with Henry. “Fuck,” he mumbles under his breath. “Bug,” he says louder. She ignores him and continues chewing out Hen— well, Santa from her standpoint. “June,” he tries again, more stern this time. When she still ignores him, Alex sucks in a sharp breath and hisses; “¡Catalina June Claremont-Diaz-Fox, ven aquí en este instante!”
That gets her attention. She huffs angrily as she turns to face him but her eyes are big and misty and hurt. “How could you do this to Daddy,” she says softly.
“Darling,” Henry says, fake voice gone. “You don’t understand—”
“Wait…” June’s head snaps back at Henry — she squints her eyes and really looks at him — then gasps. “D- Daddy?!” She looks back at Alex, then back at Henry, covers her face and begins to cry. Henry instantly scoops her into his arms and she wraps herself around his neck and continues to sob into his shoulder.
A crowd has formed around the small, snow covered cottage. Little kids are staring in confusion, while older kids and teenagers are pointing and laughing and recording on their phones; parents and other shoppers are whispering and shaking their heads. The mall manager and security have had to push through the crowd and are talking with the security Elf about the incident.
Alex knows it’s only been a few minutes but it feels like hours have passed and he feels like he can’t move; like his feet are glued to the fake snow covered ground and he is now just a part of the Christmasey display. “ Alex ,” he hears Henry say and with how harsh it’s said he thinks Henry must have called his name multiple times. He blinks and then realizes they are being ushered through the now parted crowd by security Elf towards the mall's exit.
❄️❄️❄️
June loves seeing the different decorated houses they pass on their way home and she always comments and rates them from just too plain to absolutely the most amazing thing ever. So sitting in a car so silent you can hear all the gears turning in the motor feels strange, but Alex isn’t sure what to say to break the silence and Henry has stayed behind to talk more with the mall manager about the complete mess their night turned into. His phone has also been going off like crazy in his pocket and he can only imagine the stories already circulating.
Once they are back home, June flees up to her room with Alex close behind her. She attempts to shut the door before he can grab it but she fails and instead runs to her bed and hides herself under the covers. “ Bug ,” Alex says, dragging the name out as he sits down beside the wrapped mound that is his daughter. “We gonna talk about this?”
“I’d rather not,” comes the soft reply, muffled by the thick blanket.
Trust me, neither would I , Alex thinks; “I really think we should,” Alex says.
There’s a sigh, and shuffle, then June sits up, throwing the blanket off her head. “How long were you going to lie to me?” She asks.
“Uh– what have we lied about?” Alex replies, confused.
“Daddy being Santa.”
“Wait, what ?!”
“Does everyone else know? Does grandpa know? Did he use to be Santa, too? Is this a royal thing?”
“Bug… I think there has been a– an even bigger misunderstanding than the original misunderstanding…”
“Does this mean you’re Mrs. Claus?”
“Oh my god…” If Alex was tired before he is absolutely exhausted now. Maybe he should have just waited until Henry got home to talk about this. “Baby girl, Daddy was just filling in for Santa, because Santa got sick. He’s not Santa.”
“Santa can get sick?”
“ Ay dios mío… tú y estas preguntas, mija. ” Alex rubs a hand over his face and leans back against June’s headboard. “Yes Bug, Santa can get sick. And that’s what happened, and your dad knew that would make a lot of kids sad that wanted to meet him, so he offered to take his place for the day.”
“Oh,” June says, looking down. “That makes sense.” (Kid logic) “Do you think Daddy’s mad at me for kicking him?”
“ Nah ,” Alex drags out, and pulls her to his side. “I’m sure he appreciates the sentiment behind it, but I do think you still owe him an apology though.”
June nods; “I suppose owe you an apology, too. I should have known you wouldn’t kiss anyone besides Daddy. I’m sorry, Papa.”
“Thanks Bug.” Alex hugs her, kisses the top of her head.
“And we’re sure Daddy isn’t actually Santa?”
“I’m like 99% sure.”
“Because he really looked like Santa.”
Alex laughs; “I can assure you, if Daddy was really Santa don’t you think I would know.”
June thinks on that for a moment and sighs. “I guess so.” They lay in her bed blessedly quiet for just a moment before she bolts back up and grabs her face Culkin style. “Wait… do you think this put me on the naughty list?! Should I write another letter to Santa explaining why I kicked an innocent person? What if I don’t get any presents?!”
“June, I don’t–” Alex sighs; “You know what… go for it. Better safe than sorry, right?” June nods, shooing him out of her room and he can hear her rummaging through her art supplies through the shut door. He tiredly rubs over his face for the millionth time and makes his way downstairs.
Nora is sitting cross legged in front of Percy, swapping between sorting through all of her bags and looking up at the TV with a news report about the incident playing. “Looks like you two have made headlines globally once again, mate.” Percy says with a laugh.
“How bad is it?” Alex asks, plopping down beside him.
“Depends on what you consider bad?” Nora chimes in, tossing her phone into Alex’s lap.
BAD SANTA - HRH Prince Henry donning the red suit as a mall Santa in his hometown of Austin Texas, caught underneath the mistletoe with Alex Claremont-Diaz (his husband). (Picture attached shows HRH and Claremont-Diaz sharing a kiss inside the mall's “Santa Cottage”.)
The picture was taken through the cottage's window, and Alex can’t help but think that Nora was right, they really need to stop doing things around open windows.
THE LITTLE (WARRIOR) PRINCESS - HRH Princess June attacks a mall Santa for kissing her father, former FSOTUS Alex Claremont-Diaz. Of course the Santa ended up being none other than HRH Prince Henry himself. ( Picture attached shows the Princess kicking her father in the Santa costume.)
The British are saying she gets her aggression from her American side. The Americans are saying her behavior is typical of royalty; “What a typical Princess,” one post had said. There are articles, clips, and pictures; tweets and tweets and so many more tweets about the incident that are coming in from all over the world so rapidly that Nora finally turns off the TV and takes everyone’s phones. “Eight years old and already part of an international incident…” she mutters as she drops all the phones into a drawer and closes it just as the front door opens.
Henry sighs as he steps through it. “Alex I need your–”
“Baby you really need to talk to–” Alex says at the same time. He rounds the corner of the hall to where Henry is standing and freezes. “Uhm, Henry…”
“Don’t start,” Henry warns. He reaches up and scratches his cheek through the long white hairs of the beard still attached to his face.
“Mate, why do you still look like jolly ol’ St Nick,” Percy asks, clearly trying not to laugh.
Henry sighs. “Apparently the makeup artist put it on a little too well,” he explains, tugging at the beard. “I think she used the wrong glue or something… and it bloody hurts trying to pull off.”
“Well,” Alex says, also fighting back a smile. “I was going to say you needed to go convince your daughter you are not – in fact – the real Santa Claus… but I’m not really sure how you can do that now.”
Henry blinks at him. “I’m sorry– what ?”
“Yeah her whole take away from tonight is that you might really be Santa.”
There’s a pause, a sigh; “ Damn ,” he says.
They spend half an hour scrubbing and peeling and soaking and ripping until Henry’s face is raw and red (partially from embarrassment) to no avail, and are about to just shave it down as close as possible when they hear a door open and footsteps come running down the stairs. “My apology letter is complete– oh .” June stops in front of them and stares at Henry. “Umm…”
“Love, I know how this looks, but I can assure you I am not–”
“It’s ok Daddy,” June says, smiling at Henry. “I know.”
“You– you know— know I’m not Santa, right?”
“Mmhmm,” she says.
Henry glances at Alex unsure. “Well… good.”
“I’m sorry about kicking you,” she says, hugging Henry around the waist.
“Oh, darling, all is forgiven. I understand.” June smiles up sweetly, if not a little mystified, at Henry. “ So, uh— Do you want us to walk you to the mailbox to send off your letter?”
“Nope,” June says, holding out the letter to Henry. “I’ll just leave it with you. I’m sure you can get it to him for me.” Then she winks – actually winks at him – and skips off back upstairs to her room.
Alex looks at the folded up letter in Henry’s hand, stares at it for a moment, imagining what all it might say, and then starts to laugh. It doesn’t take long to spread to Henry, then Percy, then Nora, and they all fall onto the couch together laughing; because what else do you do in a situation as insane as this one? Alex can only imagine how ridiculous the media is going to be over this new incident, and he is 100% certain June is still convinced Henry is Santa. There’s a small chance he is going to have to just get used to his husband with a long white beard thanks to the makeup artist's mistake, and does not think she deserves a raise anymore.
But he doesn’t feel as tired at the moment, and he still has a skimpy Elf costume to show Henry; so perhaps they can utilize the beard while it’s still around and work out the other issues tomorrow.