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They weren’t ready for it.
The attacks, the multiple enemies, the powerful troops…
They simply weren’t ready.
It was only their first battle but already, Taroutachi was heaving, Monoyoshi was badly injured, Mitsutada and Mikazuki suffered slight bruises, and lastly, Ichigo and Tsurumaru with medium injury. They had managed to kill two of the enemies but that wasn’t enough for them to retreat. Even the lucky sword Monoyoshi Sadamune couldn’t protect his comrades much longer after taking more than half of their supposed damage.
The thought of being destroyed in battle was not uncommon to them.
So when Mikazuki warned Ichigo too late and Monoyoshi couldn’t reach Tsurumaru on time, the two of them were slashed mercilessly by a corrupted oodachi. They had completely missed the hidden enemy when they were focused on separate corrupted tachis.
Blood stained the battle field.
Ichigo and Tsurumaru fell backwards from the force of the enemy’s blade; landing side by side on their back.
The sight of their fallen swords triggered something in the remaining four swords and with a final counterattack, Monoyoshi, Mikazuki, Mitsutada and Taroutachi managed to destroy every last remnant of the enemies.
Tsurumaru laughed dryly, “Well well, what a surprise~ I didn’t expect my coat to get this dirty so soon.”
Ichigo smiled, “Midare is going to scold you again.”
Tsurumaru laughed once more.
Their friends gathered around them. They didn’t say anything. The cut was so deep, it almost seemed as though the two tachis were cut in two. There was nothing they could do. So they let them talk as much as they wanted to before the inevitable.
Monoyoshi was doing his best not to tear up. He couldn't believe he was watching two of his friends break. Taroutachi’s comforting hand patted his head. It only made him feel worst.
“Ne Ichigo.”
“Mm?”
“I always thought about this day. Never thought you’d go with me.”
Ichigo turned to face Tsurumaru, “Why is that?”
Tsurumaru smiled at Ichigo, “Why would Ichi-nii be dying beside me? What would your brothers think of me?”
Ichigo’s eyes widened.
“You have so many people who need you, Ichigo Hitofuri.” Tsurumaru said with a gentle voice, “I can’t drag you with me. You can’t die yet.”
“Tsurumaru- What are you-?“
All of a sudden, Tsurumaru took out a small potpourri from his back. Without hesitation, he pressed it onto Ichigo’s chest where it started glowing and he never let go.
“No one needs me, Ichigo.”
Ichigo grabbed Tsurumaru’s hand, trying to remove the amulet once he knew what it was, “TSURUMARU STOP! PLEASE!”
“I kinda stole it from our master hehe” Tsurumaru continued with a smile, “Could you tell her I’m sorry for taking it?”
Ichigo was crying and shouting, “PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME! TSURUMARU!”
Tsurumaru turned his body as best as he could and leaned forward to silence Ichigo with a kiss. It allowed ample time for the amulet to register who it was meant for.
Once the kiss broke, all Ichigo heard was a voice barely above a whisper.
“You have to…live…No one...needs me..” Tsurumaru’s eyes drooped and his grip weakened but the protection amulet was already healing Ichigo.
As Ichigo completely recovered, Tsurumaru started to…slip away.
Ichigo sat up and stared at his restored gloves, clothes and body. He turned to Tsurumaru’s pale body, covered with their blood.
The pain that weighed on Ichigo’s heart was indescribable. He trembled in realization of what Tsurumaru had done. Ichigo’s lips quivered as his tear ducts were filled to the brim. He let himself fall helplessly on top Tsurumaru’s body. And he cried. His fingers desperately clutched the red-stained clothes. A rare sound was heard that day. Ichigo Hitofuri screamed.
He pleaded and cried over and over for Tsurumaru to come back.
“You can’t leave me!” Ichigo shouted.
He remembered Tsurumaru’s last words and felt a strong urge to punch the sword.
“You idiot…” Ichigo choked out.
Mikazuki tried to get hold of Ichigo but the sword wouldn’t let him. He didn’t want to leave without Tsurumaru.
“We have to go.” Mitsutada tried coaxing Ichigo, “We can’t stay here. He’s gone.”
How could he say that, Ichigo thought. Wasn’t Tsurumaru like a brother to him? Ichigo’s eyes dried enough for him to take a good look at Tsurumaru’s face. It was too pale and bloody. Then it hit him. Of course Tsurumaru was like a brother. That’s why Mitsutada didn’t want ‘this’ to be his last memory of Tsurumaru. No one would want that.
Ichigo gritted his teeth and clenched his fists one last time to feel Tsurumaru in his hands before he finally let go. Mitsutada was right. They couldn’t stay here. With a heavy heart, Ichigo stood up on shaky legs. He was still trembling. But he had to be strong.
..strong…
Ichigo turned to face Tsurumaru one last time.
‘How can you…expect me to be strong….when you’re no longer around….?’
Ichigo gulped and just started walking away. The other swords followed suit except Monoyoshi who wanted to pay some final respect to his mentor.
That was when….Monoyoshi saw it.
“But that’s…impossible… isn’t it? Guys..!” Monoyoshi turned to his team, “GUYS WAIT!”
It smelled like wood. And grass.
Tsurumaru opened his eyes. He was in his room. Figures.
‘….wait a second.’
Tsurumaru sat up so quickly, that he swore he had torn his stomach. The sword doubled over with one hand placed tenderly over his abdomen, “…ow.. Not a good idea.”
It took awhile but the memories came back. Didn’t he break? Oh god was he just on the verge of breaking but didn’t? And all those things he said to Ichigo—
The sliding door to his room opened. It was Mikazuki. And boy was he shocked to see Tsurumaru awake.
“Shit.” Tsurumaru involuntarily said out loud.
Mikazuki nodded, “At least you’re aware of what you got yourself into.” The elder sword glanced to his side and smiled, “Tell Ichigo he’s awake.”
“No no wait! Mikazuki!” But Tsurumaru was too late.
He heard the running footsteps and in just a few seconds, Mikazuki stepped aside to let Ichigo pass through.
Tsurumaru was unprepared. He didn’t expect Ichigo to look so… restless. He looked like he hadn’t eaten, hadn’t slept and hadn’t scolded his brothers or chase them around the house. Ichigo looked disorganized. Tsurumaru was even more unprepared when Ichigo outright slapped him.
“YOU IDIOT!” he shouted for a start.
Tsurumaru held his red cheek with a grimace and was about to retaliate but Ichigo just dropped on his knees and hugged Tsurumaru dearly, “…idiot…idiot…”
The contradicting motions were very confusing. Tsurumaru sat dumbfounded as Mikazuki smiled at him, gestured to Ichigo and then closed the door. He knew what it meant. It’s his fault for making Ichigo worry so much.
Tsurumaru wrapped his arms around Ichigo and sighed, “I’m sorry for making you worried, Ichigo.”
Ichigo pried himself away, “Worried? You think I’m angry at you because you think you made me worried?”
“Well what else-“
“How about we start with you wasting your life away so easily?”
Tsurumaru gaped, “I wasn’t wasting myself Ichigo! I thought you’d appreciate me sacrificing my life for yours!”
Ichigo’s eyes looked so heartbroken. It made Tsurumaru rethink his words but he didn’t find anything that could have hurt Ichigo so much.
“…is that really what you think? That I’d be happy with you dying at the cost of me living?”
Tsurumaru wasn’t sure if his answer would make things worse but he gave it a shot, “Well it’s better than not having you around.”
Ichigo’s face scrunched up, “Well that’s selfish of you.”
“What do you want me to say?!”
“I was ready to die with you Tsurumaru!!” Ichigo pointed out sternly.
Tsurumaru’s blood boiled. He grabbed Ichigo by his arms and scolded him, “Don’t ever say that, Ichigo.”
Ichigo burst into tears, “THEN DON’T SAY NO ONE NEEDS YOU!”
Tsurumaru froze.
With hand gestures and streaming tears, Ichigo continued, “I NEED YOU! HAVE YOU EVEN THOUGHT WHAT LIVING WITHOUT YOU WOULD BE LIKE FOR ME?! HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT HOW I WOULD FEEL KNOWING YOU DIED BECAUSE YOU WERE PROTECTING ME?!”
Ichigo brought his knees in and cradled his head in between them, “…I can’t…can’t…not without you... no...”
That was bad. It was the position Tsurumaru usually found Ichigo in when the other had nightmares or recurring memories about the fire.
Tsurumaru quickly wrapped Ichigo in his arms and hushed him, “Hey hey, it’s alright. I’m still here.”
“…you’re such an idiot…”
“Yeah I’m an idiot.”
Ichigo looked up and nuzzled into Tsurumaru’s chest. He was alive and them fighting was much better than the silence Ichigo braved through during Tsurumaru’s healing period.
“I’m so sorry for making you feel this way, Ichigo.” Tsurumaru apologized honestly. He never looked at it from Ichigo’s point of view.
But he couldn’t say he regretted what he did. He would probably still try to put Ichigo’s life over his. Only difference was that he would try to cherish his life more.
Tsurumaru kept his hold around Ichigo’s body and caressed his striking hair over and over again. As time went by, Ichigo’s body became lax and he fell asleep. Not even Tsurumaru moving their position could wake him up.
In the late evening, Monoyoshi came by for a visit. It was interesting to him to see their close relationship.
Monoyoshi sat across Tsurumaru’s futon where Ichigo was buried in the blanket and Tsurumaru’s head popped out from him leaning on his arm.
“I’m glad he finally slept. He has been watching over you every night.”
“How long have I been asleep?”
Monoyoshi shrugged, “A few days.” The wakizashi raised his neck to peep on the sleeping tachi, “It seems he’s been saving up his remaining energy just to discipline you.”
Tsurumaru sighed, “I deserved it.” He then inquired serious, “Monoyoshi, what happened that night?”
“Well…. It’s actually an unexplainable event. You showed all the symptoms of a broken sword but you never did. I called them back and we carried you back home. The swordsmith said you were in a very fragile state but he’d do what he could and here you are.”
That didn’t make any sense.
“Also…” Monoyoshi hesitantly added, “I…had never seen that side of Ichigo Hitofuri. This is coming from a sword that witnessed his temporary demise in the fire. That night of the fire, Ichigo Hitofuri broke physically. But what I witnessed recently was him breaking in every other way possible.”
Tsurumaru gulped. He couldn’t picture how Ichigo was like after he had forced the amulet to work on Ichigo instead of himself.
“Tsurumaru, I have a request.”
“What is it?”
“Please don’t let anyone witness him in that state again. I felt… as though killing and breaking him then and there would be better than to see him mourn for you. He has suffered so much already.”
Tsurumaru smiled, “Yeah…. I know.”
He lowered the blanket a little to see Ichigo’s serene sleeping face.
“I won’t let it happen again.” Tsurumaru kissed Ichigo’s forehead, “I promise.”