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"The JLA would like to know what exactly Nightwing's relationship is with Batman and his Robins." Wally sounded surprisingly professional given the circumstances and the question. Dick's JLA communicator was still in Jason's hands and he wished more than anything that he hadn't been the one to grab it.
He looked around, Dick was still trapped, pinned down to Bruce's chest which, from experience, Jason knew was a hold basically impossible to get out of. Bruce himself still seemed to be shaking off the last of his sleep. So no help there. Tim, Steph, and Duke all looked like they were gonna breakdown into laughter at any moment. Cass watched him intently, nobody moved. Fuck he really had to do this. Ok ok... What to say. What to say... Act Stupid. Act Stupid. Replacement & the Demon do it all the time. Act Stupid.
"Who's Batman?" NOT THAT STUPID.
This was how he died again. Not in some martyr way, by sacrificing himself for everyone, or by getting killed while on the streets fighting for the soul of Gotham. No, he was gonna die from utter mortification. Dick was basically crying on Bruce's shoulder from laughter and even Bruce himself looked amused. How Jason wished he could throw the communicator at them. This was all Bruce and his paranoia's fault. The silence stretched on for what seemed like an eternity. Until Jason realized something. Why the fuck were they calling Dick at 2am in the morning if there was clearly nothing world-ending happening? That's when his brain came back online.
"Red Hood-" Before Wally could even finish his sentence Jason started talking.
"I think a better question is why the fuck are you guys calling Nightwing at 2 am in the morning for something as fucking stupid as this?!" Talking was putting it gently. The people all the way in Coast could probably hear him. Clearly, his anger was amusing to the others because Duke, and Steph both collectively lost their decorum and started laughing. Even Tim, Cass, and Bruce looked like they were having a losing battle with the chuckles. Half-way through his rant Jason felt like he had done a pretty good job of diverting the conversation, along with successfully managing to traumatize the JLA into never asking questions again. So of course at that moment the Demon Brat had to come down the stairs and ruin it.
"TODD! YOU MUD-COVERED SEWER RAT WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING AT 2 IN THE MORNING!?" The Demon Brat screeched. In an instant Jason's brain ground to a halt.
"DID YOU NOT COMPREHEND THAT SOME OF US MIGHT HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO BE DOING THAN HEARING YOU SCREAM?!” The Demon Brat continued. There was silence as he came into view. He was wearing an old sweatshirt that looked too big to be his own. (Probably Dick's) and he looked pissed.
"Who's Todd?" Fuck. The communicator. The Demon Spawn froze, his face going from irritation to horror. Taking a quick glance over, even Bruce's previous amusement was replaced by an almost identical face. Jason didn't know what was more mortifying, their faces or the situation. The only ones who didn't seem remotely surprised on any scale was Dick and Tim.
In one smooth motion, Dick slipped out of Bruce's death grip. Why hadn't the fucker done that like 5 minutes ago? He grabs the communicator from Jason's hand.
"I'm Batman's lovechild with Justice." Is all he says before turning the communicator off.