Chapter Text
They were running. Yato turned hard, scrambling toward the bush, as Kazuma ran beside him, throwing a line and blocking the ayakashi's path.
"Kazuma!" Yato's arms pumped, running faster and faster. "Kazuma, I'm gonna do something and you're not gonna like it--"
"Yato we don't have time for this!" Kazuma threw another line, striking the Ayakashi but barely slowing it down. "We are surrounded! If they catch up to us we're goners for sure!"
"Then just remember I got no choice in this, okay?" Yato said, and he raised his hand in a halberd.
"You, with nowhere to go and nowhere to return--"
"Yato, what are you--"
"I grant you a place to belong."
"Yato this isn't funny!"
"Thou art Kazu! Thy vessel is Chou! Come!" Yato said, and he slashed his hand. "Chouki!"
And Kazuma made a strangled noise as he was zapped into Yato's hand.
*****
"Huh?!" Yukine's eyes were wide. "You shitty Jersey! The hell did you mean, you took Kazuma?!"
"Uh, we were being chased by phantoms and Kazuma was the only one there--"
"You coulda called me, you piece of shit!"
"But Yukine! You were studying with Hiyori! And I didn't have a choice!"
"I can't believe this," Kazuma said. Yato's name, unlike Yukine's, was branded squarely on his forehead. "Veena is going to have a fit! You have to release me, Yato! Now!"
"Oh wow, you're not even stinging me," Yato said. He grinned, tapping Kazuma on the shoulder. "Normally when shinki don't want to be nora, they sting their masters like crazy. I didn't even feel a prick! That means you agree with me, Kazune!" Yato said.
Kazuma sputtered. Yukine raised his fist.
"You piece of shit, Yato, give Kazuma-san's name back!" Yukine said.
"Well, technically Kazuma still has his name..." Yato grinned. "He's just Kazune, too!"
The rice paper door slammed open. Bishamon stormed through Kofuku's door.
"Where is Yato?!" Bishamon said. Daikoku and Kofuku started. Yato took cover under the table.
"Tell that crazy bitch I'm not here!" Yato said.
"You worthless pile of scum, what did you do to my shinki?"
"Oh whoa there, that's no way to talk in front of a lady!" Yato said. He was talking about Kofuku. Bishamon's temple throbbed.
"I WILL KILL YOU," Bishamon said.
"Yaaay~~~" Kofuku clapped her hands. "Bisha's on the warpath! Yay! Yaaay!~~"
"This is a fuckin' trainwreck," Daikoku said to Yukine, as Kazuma came barreling forward.
"Veena!" Kazuma said, and he muscled between them, the mark on his forehead like a huge bullseye. "Please, you mustn't fight with Yato here!"
"He forced you into a nora! I will not let that stand!"
"You know what, you stupid psycho, I was gonna release Kazuma all along! But now you've pissed me off, so guess who's gonna keep him?"
"SAIKI!" Bishamon said.
"CHOUKI!" Yato said.
"So four-eyes is a scythe, huh?" Daikoku said, as Bishamon and Yato started battling in the courtyard.
*****
"Ugh," Kazuma said. He tried combing his bangs over the mark, but that just made the brand all the more noticeable. "When exactly do you plan on releasing me, Yato? I do not appreciate being roped into your ridiculous games."
"You ever notice how that crazy nympho likes broken things?" Yato said. Kazuma sighed.
"I also do not appreciate you trying to change the subject," Kazuma said.
"No hear me out," Yato said. "When you were injured, she fawned all over you, right? Well how much you wanna bet she's gonna be fawning all over that mug of yours, after this? C'mon, Kazune," Yato said. "She's gonna be missing her poor widdle chouki. Just think of me as your wingman," Yato said, and he winked.
"Besides! Her face was friggin priceless! I just wanna piss her off some more!"
"Ugh!" Kazuma said again, and he banged his head against the table.
"Wha-" Yato jumped. "Kazuma! Teme! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!"
"Because I'm no longer pure and Veena won't want me!"
"O-oi," Yato said. There was a drop of sweat on his temple. "It's not like we made out or anything--"
"We might as well have!" Kazuma wailed.
("...The shit is this?" Yukine said. Daikoku shook his head.)
"Okay, first of all, no way in hell would I make out with you! I'm gonna marry Hiyori!" Yato said. "Second of all, you wish you could make out with me! You'd be so much better off with this dreamboat here, instead of wasting your time with that psycho nympho you call a master!"
"I just wanted to serve Veena faithfully," Kazuma sniffed. He looked up, his face tear-streaked and blotchy. "But now I'm a nora, I might as well be trash! What proper god would want me, now?"
"But nothing's changed, Kazuma! You're still her stupid earring. You just, I dunno, you just have a little extra flare~"
"Flare?" Kazuma said. Yato's mark seemed to glow like a tramp stamp on his forehead.
("He isn't stingin' ya, yet?" Daikoku asked Yato. Yato shook his head.
"It's actually pretty amazing, but no...he isn't," Yato said.
And Yukine patted Kazuma sympathetically on the head.)
****
"So...Kazuma-san is a nora, now?" Hiyori tilted her head, confused.
"I assure you, Iki-san. It was not by choice."
"But what about Yukine-kun? Wouldn't he get upset at Yato?"
"Apparently Yato has told Yukine that he is his exemplar, he has complete authority over me," Kazuma said. He sighed, tragically.
"Ne, ne, Hiyori," Yato said, and he wrapped his arms around Yukine and "Kazune," grinning, happily. "Guess how many gods have two hafuri vessels?"
"But Kazuma-san became a hafuri for Bishamon-sama," Hiyori said.
"That pervy four-eyes wouldn't have become a hafuri if it weren't for me, Hiyori! So basically I'm the one who made him!" Yato said.
"My forehead hurts," Kazuma said. Yato grabbed Kazuma's cellphone and took a picture.
*****
"Oh no," Mayu said, as Yato marched both his shinki into Tenjin's courtyard.
"Hey, Tomone! Long time no see~~" Yato said, and he forced Kazuma into a headlock. "Guess who got a great new shinki?"
"First you storm the heavens with Bishamonten, and now you steal her shinki," Tenjin said. He fanned himself, shaking his head. "Really, Yato. How far do you have to go?"
"And how do you fare, young Yukine?" Tsuyu said.
"Can't complain," Yukine said. Behind him, Yato was chasing Kazuma around the fountain.
"Dammit, Kazune! I'm your master now! So you need to worship me and help me bathe in the holy springs--"
"It takes the heat off me, honestly," Yukine said.
"I see," Tsuyu said, as Yato grabbed Kazuma and wrestled him to the ground.
****
"Veena. I am so sorry this happened. I cannot believe I betrayed your name like this," Kazuma said. He winced a little as Bishamon gently pushed back his bangs, dotting a patch of foundation over the mark on his forehead.
"It's okay, Kazuma," Bishamon said. She was concentrating on his forehead, blending the pigment with her fingers. "I know it was against your will. I'm actually surprised the other gods haven't tried to take you, yet," Bishamon said. She studied her handiwork, thoughtfully. "You're a Blessed Vessel. Wars have been fought to obtain shinki such as you."
Kazuma could feel Bishamon's fingertips gently dabbing at his forehead. She brushed back his bangs, leaning close. If Kazuma were to tilt his head forward, his chin would be flush against her shoulder.
"There," Bishamon said, and she pulled back, examining her handiwork. "You can barely see it now." Kazuma lifted his eyes.
"You seem oddly okay with this, Veena," Kazuma said. Bishamon smiled.
"It irritated me at first, but then I realized the Yatogami is like an idiot child. He'll only keep stealing my things so long as it'll get a rise out of me. I suspect he'll release you soon enough."
"I hope so," Kazuma said. Bishamon smiled, brushing back his bangs.
She dropped a quick kiss on Kazuma's forehead. Kazuma blinked, startled.
"Get some rest, 'Kazune,'" Bishamon said, and she rose, tucking her hair behind her shoulder.
*****
"What the hell do you mean, Kofuku gave you a name?!" Bishamon said. Kazuma hung his head, the brand on his forehead shining, brightly.
"I couldn't help it, Veena! She said that Yato looked like he was having so much fun, she wanted to take me as a nora as well!"
("My lady's cheating on me!" Daikoku wailed. Kofuku pranced around him, pouring tea and hugging "Daikazu" and Daikoku by the arms.)
"So?" Bishamon said. "Where's her mark, Kazuma? Do we need to cover it too?" And she watched as Kazuma's glasses fogged up. "Kazuma?"
"Er, that won't be necessary, Veena."
"What do you mean?" Bishamon said. "Where is it?" And Kazuma blushed, ashamed.
"It's," Kazuma swallowed. "Well it's...it's actually on my left buttock."
They both looked at the back of Kazuma's pants, frowning.
"So help me, I will kill them both," Bishamon said.