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Taliesin was not one to feel concern very easily. In truth, the only people he’d ever truly felt any level of concern for were his sisters, but that was when they were young. Of course, then he became a Thalmor, where emotions like concern were trained out of him. He’d truly thought he would never feel concern for another person again, and frankly, he did not mind - things were less complicated when you only cared about yourself.
That was all before he met Louis, though.
At first, Taliesin viewed Louis as an enigmatic fool - after all, who saves the life of someone you are supposedly morally and ideologically opposed to? Not only that, but who then decides to travel with said person, especially after they basically promise to someday betray you? Only a fool would make such decisions.
Taliesin would quickly learn, though, that Louis was no fool. Perhaps someone with a bizarre judge of character and a death wish, but certainly not a fool.
As Taliesin saw it, Louis had a bit of a saving people thing, regardless of who the person might be. Louis simply couldn’t help himself when he saw someone in peril - he had to help them. It was almost endearing, if it weren’t for the fact that it put him in danger on more than one occasion. Louis wasn’t one to shy away from danger anyway, Taliesin would realize - if anything, he was known to lean into it.
The first time Taliesin witnessed Louis charge into battle, blade in one hand, sparks in the other, he’d thought the smaller Altmer was going to get himself killed. It was also the first time Taliesin felt a slight nagging feeling of concern for Louis, watching him nearly die by a group of bandits before he’d even had time to react. Louis came out of that battle a winner, if only barely - he was bruised, bloody, beaten, yet still smiling. “Come on, Talie, keep up!” he’d said jokingly, apparently not noticing the horrified expression on Taliesin’s face.
Those feelings of concern would only increase the more time he spent around Louis. After all, Louis had habits aside from his fighting style that also concerned Taliesin. He would never eat, unless he was on the brink of starvation. If he got injured, he’d often leave the wound to heal on its own, rather than using a quick healing spell or potion. Worst of all was probably his sleeping habits: Louis would go for days at a time without rest, to the point that he would be on the verge of collapse. Simply put, Louis was horrible at taking care of himself.
All of this led to Taliesin’s present state of anxiety, as he watched his companion limp ahead of him. The two of them had just been attacked by a group of wolves, one of which got a good bite in on Louis’s leg. Rather than stopping and healing himself up though, Louis pressed on.
“Maybe we should stop for a bit…” Taliesin suggested, his tone betraying his anxiety.
Louis paused, turning around to give Taliesin a concerned look. “What? Why? Are you okay?”
Taliesin blinked, not expecting to be questioned himself. “I…I’m fine, yes…”
Louis nodded slowly, before looking Taliesin up and down, as though to make sure he was telling the truth. Satisfied, he nodded, “Good. But why did you want to stop, then?”
Taliesin shifted awkwardly. “Louis…”
“Because if you are worried about me, don’t be,” Louis said, raising his eyebrows. “I’m fine.”
“Fine?! You have an open wound!” Taliesin couldn’t contain himself any longer.
“And it will heal, just like all my prior injuries have,” Louis said, in an attempt to pacify his companion.
“Right, all your prior injuries that you also just left to heal on their own, no healing spells, no potions,” Taliesin snarked. “Tell me, are you a masochist or something?”
Louis’s eyes widened, before he choked out a shocked laugh. “Wow, do you really want the answer to that question?”
“If it would give me a satisfying reason for why you don’t take care of yourself, then yes,” Taliesin said, crossing his arms stubbornly.
“Why I don’t…” Louis repeated, eyebrows furrowing. “Where is all this concern for my wellbeing coming from? You’ve never acted all that worried about me before.”
Taliesin felt his face warm, and he shifted on his feet. “D-don’t change the subject!”
Louis looked quite pleased that he had managed to fluster Taliesin. “No, really, I’m curious. What’s changed, Talie?” Louis froze, then, as a thought occurred to him. “You care about me.”
“I…what?”
Louis pointed an accusatory finger at Taliesin. “You care about me.”
Taliesin blinked in confusion. “…We’ve been traveling as companions for a little while now, of course I care about you. It’s…not as easy as I would like, to remain detached from people I am around a great deal…” Louis’s expression was one of pure shock, as though this were all brand new information for him. It made Taliesin think… “I don’t know why this is so surprising to you. Do you not care about me?”
Taliesin made sure to steel his heart for whatever Louis had to say, completely prepared for rejection. Louis, however, looked almost offended when he replied. “Of course I care about you. I just…I didn’t expect…” Louis trailed off and looked away, suddenly self-conscious.
Taliesin was able to fill in the blanks, though. “You didn’t expect me to care about you?” Something in Taliesin’s chest twisted a little. “Is it because of my past?”
“Your past- no, nothing like that,” Louis quickly reassured him. “It’s just…I never expect anyone to care about me, ever. I’m just…not used to it, is all.”
Taliesin’s eyebrows furrowed a bit at that. “Well, you better start getting used to it,” he said firmly.
It wasn’t only the man’s tendency to not take care of himself that worried Taliesin - Louis’s mental state was also something that very much concerned him. Taliesin honestly did not know much about Louis or his past, and since Louis did not pry too much into his own past, he did not pry into Louis’s. He had to wonder though, what could have happened to Louis to make him care so little about himself, to believe that no one around him should care for him either? It broke his heart, just a little.
“Come. Sit. Let me take care of that wound,” Taliesin suddenly demanded. Louis opened his mouth like he was going to argue, but instead, he merely sighed, before following Taliesin’s directions.
Taliesin knelt down beside Louis, hands reaching out to gently position his leg so he could see how bad the injury was. Louis’s pants were bloodied and ripped where the wolf had bitten. Taliesin hesitated, before ripping a strip of fabric from his robe, beginning to wrap it around the wound to stop the bleeding. Once that was done, he placed a gentle hand on the bandaged leg, casting a strong healing spell.
A bit of the color came back to Louis’s face and he breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
“You would probably feel even better if you ate something,” Taliesin pointed out.
“I let you heal me, don’t push it,” Louis warned. He pushed himself to his feet, testing the steadiness of his leg. Satisfied, he began walking down the road again. Taliesin got up, following after him.
The two walked in silence for a bit, both seemingly thinking about the conversation they had just had. Eventually though, Taliesin could stand it no more and he had to break the silence. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. Maybe. What do you want to ask?” Louis asked carefully.
“Why is it that you don’t take care of yourself?” Taliesin asked in return.
Louis snorted slightly. “Well now, that is a loaded question, isn’t it?”
Taliesin shrugged. “It’s something I am genuinely curious about.”
“So you think I don’t take care of myself. Do you have any examples to back this up?” Louis asked.
“Plenty,” Taliesin said blandly. “Besides the fact that you never heal yourself when you’re injured, you also hardly ever eat or sleep, you consume substances that are bad for you, and you fly into battle like you have a death wish. You have to admit, Louis, it makes it seem like you are-”
“I’m not suicidal, if that’s what you’re implying,” Louis interrupted Taliesin.
Taliesin held up his hands placatingly. “I wasn’t necessarily implying that, but I was going to say all of this stuff makes it seem like you are harming yourself on purpose…”
Louis did not respond right away, continuing to walk down the road like he hadn’t heard Taliesin at all. Eventually though, he spoke in a low, warning voice, “I wouldn’t go there if I was you.”
“Self harm can come in many different forms-” Taliesin tried to state calmly.
“What would you know about self harm?” Louis snapped, blue eyes fierce as they glared at Taliesin. It was clear a nerve had been struck, as it was rare for Louis to get genuinely mad like he was in that moment.
“...” Taliesin struggled to find his words. Eventually, he settled on, “More than you might expect.”
Louis’s glare seemed to melt away in an instant. “You used to harm yourself?” Louis asked curiously.
Taliesin sighed heavily, avoiding Louis’s gaze. “Well…yes. Not a time I remember fondly. Self hatred is a nasty, evil thing - it works to destroy your very soul.”
Louis nodded in understanding. He swallowed hard, before saying, “I’m sorry I made you so concerned about me. I’m…fine. Really.”
Taliesin felt skeptical, but Louis’s eyes were practically pleading with him to take his words at face value.
So, he did. “I’m glad,” he said, hesitating, before reaching out to grasp Louis’s shoulder firmly. “You’ll tell me if you ever become…not fine, right?”
Louis nodded, smiling a tender smile towards Taliesin. “I promise.”