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The feeling of a smaller hand slipping into yours startles you and you glance down to see Judith smiling up at you. She tugs on your hand a few times, leading you towards the front door.
“Michonne, I guess Judith and I are going to step out for a minute?” Judith nods and you continue on. “We’ll be right out on the porch, okay?”
Michonne agrees and you follow the insistent pulling on your hand, nearly tripping over your feet before you manage to slow the young girl down. Daryl, who had just stepped into the house, quietly holds the door for you both, and you smile at him in thanks.
Judith pushes you into a chair and sits on the porch railing to face you. Her hair looks almost red as the sunset paints Alexandria in warm tones. You can see more freckles dotted along her nose and for a second, she looks so much like Carl that it makes your heart ache. “Well, you successfully ambushed me. What’s up?”
She meets your eyes with her arms crossed, looking as serious as she possibly can. “Do you love Uncle Daryl?”
It feels like all the air is punched out of you, and you have to fight to school your features into a neutral mask. “Of course I love Uncle Daryl. He’s family, and he’s one of my best friends. Were you worried that I didn’t?”
She shakes her head, her face bordering on stern. “That’s not what I mean.”
“I’m sorry, Jude. You’re going to have to spell it out for me.”
She sighs and you would have found the whole situation hilarious if she hadn’t somehow figured out your deepest secret. “My mom loves my dad. Carol loves the king. Aaron loved Eric. Aunt Maggie loved Uncle Glenn. Do you love Uncle Daryl?” Your face heats as she speaks, the blush reddening your ears and cheeks.
“It’s… complicated, Jude.”
“Uncomplicate it. I’ve seen the way you look at him. It’s the same way my mom used to look at my dad. The same way she looks when she talks about him. I know you feel something for him. Is it love?” Her tone is near demanding.
You find yourself fidgeting in your seat, refusing to meet her eyes, and you scold yourself for being afraid of a conversation with a child. “You’re right. I do feel something for Uncle Daryl. I want him safe and happy, always. I worry about him when he’s not here. Dog too. I worry about him when he’s here too, because I think he should open up to someone about the things he’s had to do. I care deeply about him, the same way I care about you and your mom and everyone in our family.”
“But it’s not the same! I’ve seen you, ya know?”
“Seen me what?”
Judith hops down off the porch railing, coming over to perch on your knee. “When he comes back from a run, or when he’s talking to Aaron or Gabriel, or even when he’s being grumpy and walking away from us, you watch him. You make sure he’s okay, like it would hurt you if he wasn’t.” She had you there. You thought you’d been subtle about keeping an eye on Daryl, doing your best to keep your affections under wraps, but Judith was an observant kid.
You sigh, wrapping an arm around her to hug her closer. “When did you figure it out?”
“A while ago, when he came back from a run that went wrong. He was gone a few days longer than planned, and when he limped through the gates, you ran to him and wrapped him up in a big hug. You looked so relieved that he was back and that he was okay. I’ve seen Mom and Dad look at each other the exact same way.”
You remember that day in detail. The run was only supposed to be three days. Just gather some supplies and hopefully find some more people who needed help. A simple mission. Three days came and went with no sign of Daryl or anyone else who had gone on the run. You’d thrown yourself into work then, offering to help with anything and everything that would keep your hands and your mind occupied, anything that would keep you from packing a bag and going out in search of them. You had just stepped out of the house the morning of day six, the sun barely peaking over the trees to illuminate the streets, when there was a commotion near the gates. You took off running and arrived just in time to see the missing members of the community walking through, covered in dirt and scratches but otherwise fine. Daryl was bringing up the rear, doing his best to hide the slight limp, but you noticed immediately, as tuned in to him as you were. It was a split second decision as you ran up to him, throwing your arms around him, nearly knocking you both down. He tolerated the embrace longer than you expected, gently swaying for a moment before he pulled away. He’d smiled at you then, barely more than a quirk of his mouth, and you felt yourself fall the rest of the way for him.
“That’s… that’s been a while ago. You’ve known this whole time?”
Judith nods, her braid swaying with the movement. “You should tell him. I think it would make him happy. It would make you happy too!”
You give her a sad smile. “I don’t know, Jude. It’s scary, telling someone how you feel like that. It’s hard putting yourself out there like that. Besides, it might not work. What if I say something and it makes it to where Uncle Daryl and I aren’t friends anymore?”
“You think he’d stop being your friend because you love him?”
“Nah, not like that. Sometimes telling someone that you love them makes everything awkward between you. He and I could try to stay friends, but if my feelings make him uncomfortable, he might not want to talk to me as much, and that would make it hard for us to stay friends.”
She considers your words, glancing behind you. “But it’s not a guarantee, right? Maybe you tell Uncle Daryl you love him, and maybe he feels the same way, and you guys could stay friends but you could also be more, right?”
“I guess that’s always a possibility…”
Judith looks behind you again, smiling. “So you’ll tell him that you love him?”
You shake your head, sighing again. “I’ll think about it, Judith. I’m not sure if I’m brave enough for that right now, but I’ll think about it.”
“I think you’re plenty brave.”
You freeze as Daryl speaks, his voice even softer than usual. Judith grins wide, kissing your cheek and hopping off your lap to run back inside. “How much of that did you hear?”
“Most of it.”
He moves, his feet carrying him to sit on the porch beside the chair you’re in. You can’t bring yourself to look at him, shame and embarrassment apparent on your face. Tears begin pooling in your eyes and you try to hide them, but Daryl sees them anyway. “Ya could’a said something.”
You shake your head again, avoiding his gaze.
He goes on, trying to smooth the situation over. “You’re brave enough. You could’a told me.”
“No, I couldn’t have. What we have now, our friendship…. It’s too important to me to risk. You could be my best friend for the rest of my life and that would be more than enough. No matter what I feel, you’re already one of the most important people to me, and you always will be. I dont want to take a chance and mess it all up, because I can’t lose you.”
He grunts, ducking his head and fiddling with a cigarette in an attempt to hide the steady growing blush on his face. “Y’aint gonna lose me.” His voice is low, barely more than a whisper, but you can hear him clearly regardless. “Jude was right. Maybe Uncle Daryl feels the same way. Ya never know.” He shrugs, trying to appear nonchalant.
You roll your eyes as you smile at him. “Don’t call yourself Uncle Daryl when you’re talking to me. It feels a little creepy.”
He smiles back and you’re struck by how beautiful he is when he’s relaxed. “Yeah it sounded better in my head.” Slowly, he reaches up and covers your hand with his, his thumb lightly brushing your skin. “Meant it though. ‘M not great with talkin’ about my feelings. That’s nothin’ new. But I do… feel the same, I mean. ‘Bout you.”
His confession takes you by surprise. You turn your hand to lace your fingers through his, admiring the roughness of his skin. Neither of you move for a while, watching as the sun sets and the streets grow darker. Michonne sends Judith to tell you that dinner is ready, and the girl watches the two of you for a bit, smiling as she sees her Uncle Daryl get his fair share of happiness.