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I look at myself in the mirror one last time. I felt confident because I look really amazing. I wore a white long sleeve polo with frills at the end of my sleeves, and a pink jumper dress that is above the knees. I took a selfie but held it on a little since I don’t want any of my friendssee me yet, I kind of want to surprise them. Although it’s kind of unusual to see me like this, I’ll take this opportunity to try something new since Mizuki and Kanade bought this for me…
…I hate to admit it but I think I’m dressing to impress someone and another person who likes that particular someone. That person who just for some reason jumped in and decided to like that someone. I have to look good or else I’ll lose to her. She’s also my mutual friend on Instagram and she’s also from my school so this is kind of…Agh…Why should I care? It’s not like we’re dating or anything and all I should do is to enjoy this night.
I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. Ena, don’t think about them tonight. Tonight is the music festival where most of your friends will be performing tonight. Last day of 3rd year highschool and everybody will be going their separate ways in college. So, you won’t cry or do anything stupid tonight okay?
I sighed again. I looked at my vanity and saw a picture of Nightcord. I saw them and immediately put down the picture for the time being. It’s not like I hate them or something. I just don’t need something to distract me right now. Especially since it’s such an important night and I won’t see any of the others that much anymore and–
“Ena! When are you coming out? It’s been 20 minutes!” my sorrow shifted to annoyance because of Akito. Please give me some alone time and to think, damn it! But still, I’m kind of glad he called out to me, or else I would have gone off on a tangent. “I’m coming, I'm coming! Jeez…” I grabbed my bag and my phone but just as I took it, the screen flashed and Rin appeared.
“Rin?” I was a little shocked. “Do your best today, Ena.” Rin said. I smiled at her. I felt a bit better after hearing those words, knowing that someone is here for me or someone is here to check on me. It feels comforting. “Thank you, Rin. I’ll do my best today.” Rin gave me an approving small smile before disappearing. I feel a little more determined now. I feel like I can overcome this day and get this through with good memories.
I stuffed my phone inside my shoulder bag and stepped out of my room. “Finally. You’re so slow.” Akito said in a rather annoyed tone. Akito seems restless and couldn’t wait for me any second longer. Normally, Akito wouldn’t mind me being a little slow but for some reason he’s…Excited. Then it clicked in my mind. “What? You can’t wait to see your cru-” Akito’s face turned red and his face screamed be quiet. “No. I just want to be on time to see the other shows.” I can tell he just made that one on the spot. “The music festival starts in 1 hour, and takes 15 minutes to get there.” I rolled my eyes playfully “Deal with it, let’s go.” Akito quickly grabbed his shoes and started putting them on. I did the same as well.
I don’t mind if Akito has a crush, just kind of reminds me of the times when I used to be like that. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s like familiarity, but at the same time I feel like It’s sorrow and I just– Whatever it doesn’t matter. I’ll just enjoy this night.
The walk there wasn’t very long like I said. It just took 15 minutes less to get there and Akito here is completely fidgety, but I get it. I could feel the deja vu and the same familiarity that I know. The feeling of anticipation and excitement. I looked down to comprehend my feelings but looked up again. I don’t want to be reminded of this again. It’s getting annoying and I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I want this gone and just gone! I just want to live a normal life and– ENA! STOP! You went out to enjoy this night and now you’re ruining yourself! Stop it!
I managed to stop myself from thinking any further when we went to the entrance of the festival. I saw Akito’s group waiting for him too. In a heartbeat, Akito went over to his side and quickly connected with them, especially the cute one, Kohane. I swear, he just wants to get here earlier to spend more time with her.
Then I looked a little to the right and I saw Mizuki, Airi, and Shizuku waiting for me. I smiled and felt hopeful about this. Maybe this can get my mind off of Mafuyu for a while. “Oh? You’re wearing the one we bought you?” Mizuki teased me with a hint of shock. “You have a problem? I just want to try something new.” I rolled my eyes a little and chuckled. “Ena! You look really pretty!” Airi admired how I look. Before I could answer, Mizuki spoke first. “Of course she does~! Kanade and I are the ones who picked out her clothes.” Mizuki was proud of themselves. “Really? It’s so pretty on Ena! You have a good eye.” Shizuku joined in as well and she also examined my outfit.
“Well, I’m the one who styled this anyway. Mizuki and Kanade were just the ones who gave me these clothes.” I retracted the attention fully back to me. “Hehe..That’s true. Ena always has a knack for styling.” Mizuki gave me a soft and comforting smile. I was a little surprised at that because they would normally tease me but it seems they’re going easy on me. We continued to talk and compliment for a little bit. This felt a bit more distracting, well not in a bad way but in a good way. I’m able to get my mind off Mafuyu and at the same time have a great time. I love hanging out with these people even without Mafuyu. It’s a shame that Kanade can’t come because she has to visit her father.
My focus wandered off to somewhere while we were chatting, then I saw that purple hair again. My eyes widened and a wave of shock and fear struck me. Even though I was prepared, I was suddenly struck by the feeling of longing and imaginations. If I didn't ask for space or time for myself, they would've been by my side. If we didn’t end our relationship, then they would’ve been standing right here and--
brrrrrr
“Ah!” Airi scrambled to get her phone out of her bag. “Sorry, it’s my alarm– Ah! Let’s go explore now! Our performance will start later at 40 minutes and I want to go around with you guys before going on stage.” Airi suggested. I snapped out of my thoughts and looked back at the 3. All of us agreed to go walk around the festival. Shizuku and Airi talked at the front while me and Mizuki just strolled behind them, just following them. The festival was decorated with glowing musical notes that hung at the booths combined with the sight of posters and ribbons. I could also smell the scent of food, and hear the faint sound of music coming from the other side. It was a beautiful and peaceful event to be held in. A lot of students come here, especially 3rd year students, to celebrate, say goodbye to each other, and meet new people for college. Whether you’re in a different school or not, it doesn’t really matter since it’s a special occasion. So the Miyamasuzaka girls will be here. Well obviously because Airi and Shizuku are here but…I’ll still see them regardless.
At the corner of my eye, I could feel Mizuki’s attention shifted to me. I think they notice my gloominess. “Hey…Ena…Are you okay?” They nudged me a little. “Huh?” I looked up at them. “You seem…Sad…Are you okay?” Mizuki had a worried expression. “Oh uh..I..I think..” Come on, Ena. You can’t be sad right now. You’re in an important event. A once in a lifetime. Don’t mess this up– “You can tell me. I’m always here to listen.” Mizuki patted my shoulder.
“I..” I stuttered and tried to regain my composure. “I..I just saw–” I said quietly. “Mafuyu? Yeah..They’re here.” My heart quickened and I know exactly why and I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to admit that I want to see them or notice me. It feels pathetic to admit that, knowing that they just want to hang out with other people and enjoy their day. “Ah…Yeah..” I tried to distract myself by quickly finding an object to focus on.
“Don’t worry I won’t let you see them.” my eyes landed on Mizuki and they gave me a small smile to reassure me. I chuckled nervously. “Thank you…I just want to get through this night without crying or something.” I said. Mizuki patted my shoulder. “I’ll be here for you.” I felt a bit better after hearing those words. I’m glad that I have a friend like Mizuki who’s willing to help me through this.
“Ooooh, Airi look!” Shizuku pointed at a booth. Me and Mizuki’s attention changed to them. “What is it–Oh my” I could see in Airi that whatever Shizuku picked was something so majestic. We walked a little closer to them to check the booth and it was a game booth. There was a checkered wall that had alternating squares as carpets or wood and it was a little bit farther than us. “A cat stuffed toy that you can dress in different clothes?! You can even dress it in a musical note, a guitar or– I need this so badly!” I could practically hear Airi squeal. Shizuku giggled and reciprocated Airi’s energy.
“Oooooh, these look really adorable. Maybe if we win one, you can finally get more likes on your posts than cat videos~!” The moment I heard that, I was in the mood for some games now. I don’t care how long it takes, I need that. I hurriedly went through my bag for my wallet and once I got it I immediately got my money. “1 game please.” I said sternly. I looked over to Airi and decided to do the same too. “Me too!” Airi handed over her money.
The game master took our money and gave us hoops but with small sharp hoops at one side. “What are we supposed to–” I was a little confused but Airi immediately threw it at the board filled with desperation and barely landed on the carpeted squares. “Ohhh! You’re supposed to do that.” I did the same thing but missed. “Argh!” I was a little frustrated at that. Mizuki and Shizuku were cheering both of us on while me and Airi suffered. The game was irritating but I was desperate for the prize. I badly need it.
“You’re bad at the game.” I heard that familiar but haunting voice. “I know that!” Ena. “It's way harder than it looks!” Not this again. “How about you try?” I can imagine myself giving these hoops to someone. I can imagine them throwing these hoops naturally. I can imagine their monotone face at me. “Well–That’s because you’re athletic and you’re in the archery club!” I threw the hoops a little more forcefully now. “This is why you should exercise more.” maybe now I could get that cat stuff toy earlier than expected if only I didn’t– Snap out of it Ena! Stop your thoughts!
The moment I snapped back to reality. I threw my final hoop. Me and Airi only got 2 out of 5 and that was not enough to win the cat plush. “Agh…” Airi was disappointed but I wasn’t stopping now. “One more!” I pulled out my money again to start another game. Airi saw my determination and also pushed through. “We still have more time left!” Airi exclaimed and immediately pulled out her money. “Hehe, They’re so cute.” I heard Shizuku giggle and in my peripheral vision I saw her helping Airi. “Here give me some, I’ll help.” I looked at Mizuki and at their hand. I gave them 2 of the hoops and started helping me.
The conversations and the sounds of the hoops hitting the carpet and occasionally the thudding noises of the wood filled my ears to my head. I was trying my best to be distracted but my head always finds its way to Mafuyu at some point. They’re not even here and yet my brain keeps on filling in that empty space with them when I don’t even want to. Though, to be honest it’s always like this everyday. I wish I could make it go away but I’m trying but it’s just a ghost that haunts me about how I lost my significant other. It’s pathetic and annoying and I want it to be gone but no matter how much I wish and hope it just keeps on coming back. Moving on sucks.
“Oh look! That looks so pretty!” I heard people at the neighboring booth. Sounds of girls and 1 or 2 guys chattering at the side about a certain prize at the booth. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop that much but my attention has to keep on shifting if I want to get my mind off of them. “Oh right, that’s the item we saw after our cram classes!” I know that other person’s voice.“That does look pretty.” That's when I heard that voice. That voice that haunts me every single day of my life. My breath quickens and my heart beat starts racing. I feel like puking, oh God, I don’t feel so good. Am I okay? Do I have nausea? Oh God oh God, this isn’t good. Oh no no no not again no no no… “You think so? Maybe I should try getting it then.” Ah…My head hurts. I don’t like this. I want to get out of here. Oh God. If God exists, please help me. Oh no. Ahh…I hate this.
“Ena? Are you okay?” I didn’t realize that my head was down. I looked up at Airi and she was just done with the game. My eyes went on to the plushie that she was holding and to the board. She managed to win the prize that she wanted. Then at Mizuki who also won it too. Wow, that’s cool, but I feel like dying. I looked at the side and there they were. The purple headed person who I had so much history with. I regretted looking at their direction but at the same time, I trembled with excitement. I was a little content just by seeing them but the feeling of regret and the past 2 years overwhelmed me so much in a single moment. I feel like puking. Oh God Ena, you’re so stupid.
“Ena? Hey. Are you okay? You look sick.” Mizuki placed their hand on my shoulder. I put my hand over my mouth as I feel like gagging but nothing comes out. I shook my head at their question and Mizuki’s hand went to my back to calm me down. “What’s wrong you can– Oh.” Airi paused. “They’re here.” Airi just noticed Mafuyu at the side.
“U-Um..Bathroom! Bathroom!”
“Where-Where’s the nearest bathroom?”
“I know where it is. Follow me.”
Airi led the way towards the bathroom and Mizuki was almost dragging me by the wrist to guide me. Shizuku made sure I was okay but occasionally checked on me and rubbed circles around my back. The pain and heavy feeling came in again like it’s there to tell me about how I haven’t moved on. Thanks for the reminder but I want to kill myself right now so maybe later.
“Don’t worry, we’re going there.”
Ahhhh…I don’t feel so good.
“I don’t have any water but hopefully tea helps?”
Shizuku offered me tea, and I accepted it.
“We’re almost there.”
I hope we are. I’m so overwhelmed by my emotions that I can’t even think. All I can see and hear are the footsteps, the inaudible voices of everybody surrounding us, the feet of other people, and the tiles that we walk on. My mind went on full shut down to process my emotions and what’s happening. It feels like I'm preparing myself to fully break down in the bathroom. This is kind of embarrassing because we’re walking so fast and people might be looking at me. I just wish I could hide.
We stopped and after a while, they dragged me in. I briefly looked around to see if anybody else aside from us was here. I was relieved to see that it was only the 4 of us. I stepped towards the sink and leaned. I looked at myself in the mirror and I looked like I was in pain. No wonder they thought I was sick.
They gave me a brief moment of silence to process and think.
“I know..It’s tough.” Mizuki was the first to talk. I saw them take a step towards me and comforted me. “Yeah…It is…” My breath was quick and my heart was heavy. Tears flowed down my eyes. “...Sorry…I know this is unlike me. Sorry.” I tried to wipe away my tears but the way Airi and Shizuku jumped in to reassure me and comfort me made me cry more. The strong-willed girl Ena isn’t supposed to be like this. The determined Ena should just focus on art. The ambitious Ena isn’t just going to break down like this. But for some reason, I just want to break away from what I think of myself.
I covered my face and continued to sob. Mizuki helped me sit on the floor and patted my head to comfort me. Shizuku knelt down to rub my back and Airi sat beside me. “Sorry–I know this is supposed to be– a good night but–” “No no it’s okay. We don’t mind it. I know you need us right now and we’re right here.” Airi reassured me. There was another short silence of me crying.
In just a quick second, I began to open up about how I was feeling and experiencing for the past 6 months. 6 months of thinking about them. 6 months of missing them. “… I can't even go through…a single day without thinking of them–” Can’t even go a single day without even imagining their reaction about my day or something. Like I can’t survive without having to think about them. “It’s okay…Just let it all out.”
“Dammit…Dammit…” I cried out. “Dammit Mafuyu…! How could you even move on so easily?!” The anger that was building up was finally let out. I know I should be happy for them but what if I just want to be selfish and care for myself this one time even if it seems I’m a terrible person?
“I hate you so much…!” I paused. “How could you…Already have someone?” Right. I just found out a few days ago, someone in their school has a crush on Mafuyu. It’s no surprise because of how Mafuyu is but it hurts my heart as a person who hasn’t even moved on. How did I find out? Airi told me.
“You told me…that you don’t have anyone you like.” Me and Mafuyu are still friends of course. Why wouldn't we when we're still bound because of Niigo? But, I asked Mafuyu if they like someone but they told me that they’re not interested in dating-- but now..? How could I trust that? I know that they’re still my close friend and they wouldn’t lie to me but I’m just so unstable and confused, I can’t think straight.
“We’re in the same circle and we talk to each other almost everyday... I really do try but, it just…Goes back to square one. I honestly don’t know how I could move on at this point.” I chuckled a little. “I’m sorry…It–It just– A lot has happened between these 6 months, it’s like..Fate is trying to test me or something. So many things are piling up to the point…” I sighed. “I don’t know anymore…Art has been my escapism but…I’m still here at this point.”
“Ena..” Mizuki sighed and tried to comfort me. “It’s okay to feel this way. It’s normal…I’m just glad that you’re opening up to us instead of keeping it all together.” Mizuki spoke up. I raised my head and I saw them softly smiling at me. “We’re always here for you.” I looked at Shizuku. “I’ve been… Keeping everything to myself…I don’t…” I sighed. “I don’t want to bother you guys… Because if I do, then everyday I’ll text and–” “It’s really fine. I don’t mind it. We just want to help you, Ena. Don’t pretend that you can handle it alone. We’re your friends. No matter what. We’re here for you.” Mizuki reassured me. I had to process everything before breaking down again.
“I love you guys so much…” I softly mumbled. “Awww! You finally said it, Ena~!” Mizuki teased me. “S-Shut up Mizuki. I’m having a moment here..!” I was a little embarrassed but feel lighter now. “Hehehe…I love you too, Ena!” Shizuku was all giddy now and hugged me. I almost lost my balance, but I hugged her back. “I love you too, Ena.” Airi also jumped in to hug me. “And I also love you too, Enaa~!” I could barely breathe at the amount of people who were hugging me but it was…Very comforting and reassuring to know that I have friends who love me and are willing to be there for me.
“Ah! Shizuku! We have to go now!” Airi checked her phone and it was already almost time for their performance. “Oh right! I almost forgot!” Airi and Shizuku gently let me go and stood up. Mizuki helped me stand up while I wiped away my tears. I felt a little nervous and unsure of going out. I feel better but I still feel scared of possibly seeing them again.
“We should all go together, you guys will watch us right?” Airi looked at Mizuki and me. “Mhm, we’re looking forward to it.” Mizuki answered. I directed my eyes away. “Hey, it’s okay if you don’t feel like going out right now. Take your time, Ena.” Shizuku tapped my shoulder and I looked at her. She was smiling so warmly at me in an attempt to make me feel safer and to be honest, it did work. “Oh– It’s okay really. Thank you for your concern. I really wanna see you guys perform anyways.” I smiled back at her. “Are you sure?” I nodded.
The 2 girls led us out of the bathroom. Mizuki hugged my arm to make me feel comfortable and safer and it did make me feel better. They started to talk to me about all the details of the festival. I can tell that they’re trying to get my mind off of them but at this point right now, I think I’ve been spacing out. My head’s been exhausted, but I’m glad for Mizuki's effort. I’m just regretful that I’m not all the usual Ena that they know. “I…I’m really sorry if I’m not talkative. I really am–” Mizuki cut me off. “Hey, don’t worry, I get it, it’s bothering you. I’m just here to make you feel better regardless if you're not talking or not, okay?” Mizuki smiled at me. I chuckled a little. “Thank you. I appreciate it.” I smiled back.
—----------------------------->
We arrived at the venue and we found seats. It was crowded with people. It’s pretty much inevitable to find Mafuyu in a place like this. I know I shouldn’t be looking for them but my curiosity is tough to handle. No no wait– Ena! No no! Not right now! You’ll break down again before More More Jump performs so don’t. I tried my best to control myself, trying to keep my eyes focused on the stage that was yet for the performers to come in. I wish that the waiting time was faster because I really can’t keep myself distracted like this.
After waiting for an eternity and talking on the stage that I forced myself to listen and watch, More more jump finally came on stage. The crowd’s cheers filled my ears and the sight of lightsticks appeared out of nowhere. Mizuki handed me 2 light sticks that were Airi’s and Shizuku’s color while they had Minori and Haruka’s colors. They had a small talk on stage but I could barely remember what they said because my mind was still processing. Everything that has happened today feels like a fever dream. I wish I could go home and cry. “Please enjoy our cover of Answer from Dixie Flatline.” Then the song played, it’s unfamiliar but I can understand the message. Suddenly, my world turns a little lighter than before. I looked at Airi with curiosity and she noticed me from the large crowd. She smiled at me and continued to perform. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence but for some reason, I feel like she did this on purpose. But nevertheless, I listened in and it was– I almost cried. My feelings mixed into the bittersweet and unsaid pain of my state.
Mizuki noticed my expression, so they switched their other lightstick to their other hand and rubbed circles around my back. My eyes became watery once again but I just started to cheer and sing along to forget about this pain. I want this pain to be gone and I want to do everything I can for it to be gone. Mizuki joined in to sing and cheer for the group. It feels comforting and therapeutic whenever I sing along and relate to the song because all the pent up feelings have been released. I know I won’t heal in just seconds or overnight but I want to enjoy this night that has to offer.
—------------------------------------->
The festival has finally ended and the 4 of us decided to walk home together. Although it was full of crying and breaking down on my part, it was still memorable. “You did really amazing Airi and Shizuku!” Mizuki complimented the 2 girls walking beside us. “Thank you! I really gave it my all there!” Airi was still pumped. “Hehe, Airi’s energy was so cute and infectious! I can’t help but perform well too!” Shizuku giggled while Airi’s face blushed from the compliment. “Well– I heard Ena and Mizuki cheering and singing along too!” Airi turned the subject to us. “Oh yeah, I could tell Ena was feeling it~” Mizuki teased me and my cheeks became bright red at that moment. “Shut up–! My feelings were strong at that time!” I said. I heard Airi and Shizuku lightly laughing at me. “It’s okay Ena, besides, the first song was for you anyways, though partially. We were a little indecisive. We had to think about our first song and I suggested Answer. We thought of tributing that song to you.” Shizuku nodded at Airi’s answer. I was speechless. “Dammit guys..You’ll make me cry again..” I lowered my head.
At this very moment, I realize that even though I no longer have them by my side anymore, my friends are always willing to support me and love me unconditionally even if I may think of myself otherwise. I’m really glad I have these people as my friends. Thank you Mizuki for supporting me and helping me right now. Thank you Airi and Shizuku for performing this song for me. I’ll take another step forward in my journey.
“It’s alright just cry it all out Ena.”
“Awww it’s okay!”
—-------------------------------->
The sunlight seeped in through the cracks of the curtains. This is one of the few times I was awake in the morning. The only “few” times when I lay awake on my bed. I could still feel the puffiness of my eyes. The tear marks on my face. The heaviness of my heart reminds me that they’re not a part of my life anymore.
In just a blink of an eye it has been little over a week since the festival. All I can remember after that day is feeling the energy come in but breaking down after, then it’s a cycle for the next few days. Moving on is hard.
I just awoke from my nightmare. It wasn’t that scary, but the reason why I woke up is because the memory of them is haunting me. It was supposed to be a happy memory but all I could feel from that memory is grief and sorrow. I turned on my side, facing the other side of the bed but I quickly regretted that.
My imaginations decided to mess with me and morphed into your shape, into your smile, and into your familiar color. My heart joined in with mixed feelings and emotions again. A constant reminder that I still love you, I still miss you, I still wish you were here with me, and I’ve been moving on in slow progress.
I sighed and closed my eyes. I took a deep and slow breath in, and out to calm myself down. I opened my eyes again and even though there were still hints of my imaginations I can no longer make out that it was you.
I took my phone from the bedside table and began to scroll through social media. I posted a photo from last night. The night when I still look stable before crying myself to sleep. I immediately exited it. Because if I do, I’ll see you and next thing I know, my heart will take it too personally to the point it gets anxious and starts shaking up. So I’m not taking the risk to hurt myself when I’m already battered down. They don’t post but I am mutual with the people who they hang out with so I could see them.
As I watch videos for a while, I start to think if I could actually move on. Not because you were perfect, or your eyes still shine even if it looks empty, or you look absolutely beautiful anyway, or the way you smile with your eyes, or how– Ah. This again. Sorry, I got sidetracked. But because I could still see you when I go to college. It’ll definitely be hard to see you again. Because if I see you, I think my whole being will come tumbling and crashing down to the depths of the ocean if I see that same purple color again.
It’s hard to believe that I haven’t moved on because we already had a proper closure. A closure is acceptance that the relationship has ended but for some reason, even though I already know it ended, my heart can’t accept it. I start to wonder if I have a stupid crush on them or if I'm still hung up on them or used to them. This is confusing, very confusing to understand. But one thing I know, I have to move on whether it’s a crush or still in love with them.
It took me a while to actually get up from bed and start my day. It was the same old Saturday during break. It’s not like anything changed aside from the fact I’m not dating anyone at this moment. At this time, they would greet me a good morning from our sleep vc and we’d chat until I finally want to eat lunch. But I wonder if they are doing what we were doing with that girl and– Ah– don’t let your thoughts get to you.
I groaned while I slowly made my way to the kitchen to cook breakfast for myself. I decided that I should at least learn how to cook since I’ll be living on my own. None of my family members are awake right now, aside from Akito who went out for his morning jog. I started to prepare pancakes for today.
My phone would shine from a text message from Mafuyu or Mafuyu speaking in my earphones asking me what I’m cooking and they would– I’m definitely used to them. Focus on the present Ena. The present is where you are. I took deep breaths and focused on my breathing. I mixed in the pancake mix, the egg, oil, and water. The ambience and the sound of mixing is what I can hear and what I can only think of before breaking the silence in my head to just think of something else. Then Mafuyu would– Not this constant reminder again.
I poured the mix on the pan that was coated in butter. My mind wandered in my imaginations and my art. Occasionally remembering memories of different times, and different points of my life. I bit my bottom lip a little when I remember a memory of Mafuyu. The what if’s filled my head. What if I never— No no Ena–Stop– You’re cooking pancakes!
I was done cooking and I placed the cooked pancakes down on the table. I grabbed the maple syrup, butter, plates and utensils. When I finally sat down and cut open my pancakes, I made a horrible mistake of not preheating the pan. The outside was cooked but the inside was still raw. I cursed at my mistake but took a bite anyway. It was still good, just hoping for no salmonella. Mafuyu would’ve known–Agh. Focus on the pancakes, Ena.