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You and I walked a fragile line,
I have known it all this time but I never thought I’d live to see it break.
Sakura always sees it happen in slow motion. It’s just one of those scenes that never can play out in real time. It’s something that is suspended and slogged and part of a different world where time runs on a different axis and background events are negotiable.
Every night, when she closes her eyes, she’s practically there again. Watching the scene play out like a Princess Fuji story on a big screen. She can see herself, small, helpless, weak, reaching out for Sasuke. Sasuke, also small, helpless and weak but in such an opposing and hidden way that she couldn’t see it until after.
It’s getting dark and it’s all too quiet and I can’t trust anything now
And it’s coming over you like it’s all a big mistake
Sakura remembers that night- remembers how she had went up to bed early but hadn’t been able to sleep for hours. How she had tossed and turned, a burning feeling in her heart and ants crawling beneath her skin. How she had finally rolled out of bed in frustration, deciding to take a short walk, just something to calm her nerves. She remembers seeing Sasuke walking towards the gates, his familiar duck-butt bobbing along as he walked steadily. She remembers it all. And she wishes she didn’t.
Oh-oh I’m holding my breath,
Wo-on’t lose you again
Sakura follows him, all the way to the gates. She doesn’t know what she will do when he reaches them. Maybe.. Maye she is mistaken. Maybe he’s just taking a walk and the path he’s taken just coincidentally is close by to the gates. If that’s the case she should stop stalking him and alert him to her presence. But the words die on her lips when he stops before the gates before pausing to turn and look at her.
Sakura’s breath catches, this is the first time he has ever looked her in the eyes, and she can see now. There is something very broken in him. She doesn’t shudder.
Something’s made your eyes go cold.
Come on, come on,
Don‘t leave me like this!
Sakura doesn’t know what to say that will change his mind. That will make him , convince him, to stay. ‘Sasuke!’ she wants to scream. ‘Sasuke we love you! Don’t you see? We love you. You leaving us, it’ll break us. Me and Naruto and sensei. Don’t you care? Sasuke, you can’t do it!‘. but she doesn’t say that. Instead she asks for him to take her too. She knows what his answer will be.. But she has to try.
When he thanks her, she feels her heart speed up in anticipation for the ultimate break. She feels it desperately race, as if it could escape the blow that’s about to come if only it beats fast and loud enough. When the blow does shatter it, she’s grateful that the pain is muted by unconsciousness.
I thought I had you figured out
“Sasuke! Sasuke come back! SASUKE! Don’t leave me please” Naruto’s voice breaking is literally the most painful thing Sakura has ever heard and she is a medic-nin. She wonders how Sasuke can just turn away from that.
Just keep walking.
This is Naruto.
Something’s gone terribly wrong
you’re all I wanted,
Sakura sometimes misses her days in the academy, when she was still naive enough to dream of someday marrying Sasuke. Still young enough that she didn’t understand the meaning of orphan. She misses the daydreams she used to have of their first kisses together. She misses how simple it was, to only want Sasuke with his beautiful eyes and intelligent mind and not care for anything else.
Come on, come on
Don’t leave me like this!
But Sasuke has left. Is still leaving. Still running away from her and Naruto. He has new friends now. And that fucking hurts goddammit, it hurts.
I thought I had you figured out,
Can’t breath whenever you’re gone,
Sakura knows that Naruto sometimes can’t even breathe around the hole that Sasuke has left in his chest. It happens sometimes, when Sai will make a comment similar to what Sasuke may have said or when Sakura tries to bring him up. But Sakura needs to talk about Sasuke and Naruto is the only one who could ever understand so she ignores the pain she’s causing him and brings up Sasuke anyway.
Can’t turn back now,
I’m Haunted!
She visits the memorial stone with Kakashi-sensei often. Staring at the same name Kakashi often runs his fingers over reverently. Uchiha Obito. And maybe it is a cruel thing for her to say but on the anniversary of Sasuke’s betrayal, she tells Kakashi-sensei that he is lucky his Uchiha is dead.
Stood there and watched you walk away,
From everything we had
Naruto sometimes wonders if there was anything he could’ve done, said, pleaded that would have stopped Sasuke from leaving him. That damned fan symbol is all but seared into the back of his eyelids. It’s everywhere. His dreams, his hopes. He hates it. Uchiha uchiha. That was always Sasuke’s first identity wasn’t it? Uchiha. Uchiha before avenger. Uchiha before shinobi. Uchiha before Team 7 member, Uchiha before Naruto’s friend. There were so many categories he fit into, so many things that he just was. Friend, teammate, rival, was just one of many. One small part that ultimately wasn’t enough to encompass everything. Not the way Uchiha does. No matter how many facets Sasuke has, how many roles he plays, how many positions he holds, he will always be identified as Uchiha.
but I still mean every word
Naruto told Sasuke he loves him. Once. In a letter. He wonders if Sasuke ever received it.
I said
He remembers their battle. It’s crystal clear in his mind. A battle of words, then fists, then finally, chakra.
To you.
Her pink hair falls to the ground
He will try to take away my pain
And he just might make me smile
Lee tries valiantly. And trust that Sakura does not use that word lightly, especially when it comes to Lee. Every so often, she wakes up to the stench of flowers, filling her room. And for a second, just a second, everything is.. ok. Everything is fine. In fact everything is amazing. When Sakura wakes up to the scent of roses and lavender and whatever-the-hell-else Lee has brought for her, the world seems sunny and bright and hopeful. But then she opens her eyes and sees Lee crouched on her windowsill grinning hopefully and it all hits her at the same moment the sun glinting off his teeth blinds her.
But the whole time I’m wishing it was you instead.
Sasuke is gone, gone, gone.
Naruto is far, far, far.
Kakashi-sensei is away, away, away.
All that she has left is Tsunade-sama and Lee. And she would give them both up to have her team back. She would give up learning from a sannin, to have her boys back.
Lee does manage to make her smile, sometimes. Most of the time it’s just a small one of exasperation. Sometimes it’s out of amusement. Every so often she’ll let something that skirts the edge of laughter into her features. Too often her smile is one of guilt.
Wo-oah, I’m holding my breath!
They get the mission to infiltrate the Sound base and the first time Sakura catches a glimpse of Sai, she almost screams in shock.
Almost.
Because she’s already used to seeing Sasuke wherever she goes. She sees Sasuke in the tomatoes at the market, and in the hiss of a stray alley cat, and in the black and red pinwheel that a child holds while running down the street giggling.
Sai is just another one of the many ghosts Sasuke has left behind.
Wo-on’t see you again
When they see him again for the first time in three years, Sakura is not shocked to find he has grown even more devastatingly handsome in his absence. Beautiful, even. He doesn’t even glance at her throughout the whole ordeal. That is more painful than the wound in her waist.
Something keeps me holding onto nothing!
She knows that he’s gone. She fucking knows, Ok? But she can’t let go. She just can’t fucking let go of Sasuke-kun. The beautiful boy with a tragic back-story and such a heart-breaking fragility to his demeanor. Sakura wants to fix him, wants to heal him.. She always has, she now realises. She wants to heal the quiet dork who would fight with Naruto over the best way to sweep the floor, the arrogant prick with such a devastating smirk, the preteen boy with the best bitch face Sakura has ever seen. She wants to save Sasuke. Sasuke who hissed fierce enough to quiet down any cat.
Come on! Come on!
Don’t leave me like this
Naruto sometimes wonders if the bastard ever cared for him at all.
I thought I had you figured out
Something’s gone terribly wrong
What if standing in front of Haku’s senbon was just an act, or a trick, or an accident, or just a momentary lapse of judgement. Surely the boy who protected Naruto with his own body isn’t the same one who charged lightning through Naruto’s chest?
You’re all I wanted
Come on! Come on!
Sasuke was the only friend Naruto ever had. All Naruto ever wanted was to beat Sasuke, make Sasuke acknowledge him as an equal, force Sasuke to care about him. All he wanted was the bastard and Sakura-chan to always be by his sides. All he wanted was to have his team. His team of beautiful powerful dorky best friends.
Don’t leave me like this
Sakura has always walked in the shadows of her boys, her team. Kakashi-sensei’s was by far, the largest and darkest. She tried, she tried to shine as bright as Naruto, to cast her own light, to bring the attention to herself. And when that didn’t work, she tried to cast her own larger shadow, to embrace the darkness, to fester and grow within it, until she became a greater part of that shadow. But that didn’t work for her either. She was always stuck. The weakest member of Team 7. Kakashi never did anything to help her figure out her role. It was only pure luck that she finally found her calling. That she finally found Tsunade-sama. That she finally realised that her role was to heal.
I thought I had you figured out
Can’t breath whenever you’re gone
But of course, she only ever found herself after Sasuke had left. Of course, she hadn’t discovered her role before hand, when she could’ve used it to prevent this mess. When healing Sasuke’s sadness would’ve been the best thing she could accomplish.
Can’t turn back now
I’m haunted!
I know-ow-ow! I just know. You’re not gone, no. You can’t be gone. NO!
Sakura wants to scream. Wants to scream and rage and tear the whole fucking world down. It isn’t fair! It just isn’t fucking fucking fair.
She will burn Sound to the ground, rip Orochimaru’s guts out with her bare hands, snap Itachi’s neck with a smile on her face if she has to. She WILL get Sasuke back. Her and Naruto. They will be a team again. Next time she sees Sasuke it will be him and not a ghost.
But first she has to train.
And so she does.
***
Come on, come on
Don’t leave me like this!
There’s a sort of desperation in Naruto’s movements as they pursue Sasuke for what Sakura is sure will be the last time.
I thought I had you figured out,
Something’s gone terribly wrong
The final time Sakura sees Sasuke, she is resolved. He is gone. She knows this now. Although, Naruto doesn’t. Naruto still hasn’t lost faith in him, is still willing to spend the rest of his life chasing Sasuke. And that is why Sakura has to snap before Sasuke does. Why she has to end this while she can.
Won’t finish what
you started!
Naruto doesn’t sense her resolve. Doesn’t notice how Sakura’s hands shake when Sasuke finally stops running and turns around to face them, eyes red and sword in hand. Naruto doesn’t see the warning in his stance, the resolve in Sakura’s. He’s never imagined it would come to this. He never ever, not in a million years, would dream that Sakura would be the first one to run to Sasuke, her arms thrown wide and eyes full of hope. would never imagine that Sasuke would receive her with open arms. Never imagined that Sasuke would squeeze her back briefly, just for a split second, before pushing his sword through her gut.
Come on! Come on!
Don’t leave me like this
But Sakura did. Sakura already knew. Already figured it out. This was not Sasuke, not anymore. And there was no longer anything left of him to heal. So when her clone poofs out of existence, bringing along the memory of a sharp pain in her abdomen, Sakura barely grimaces.
I thought I had you figured out
Can’t breath whenever you’re gone
Her clone had pressed a seal against Sasuke’s back. Now all that was left was for her to activate it. But there is something in her chest. Clawing away at her heart, stealing her breath, stopping her from ending this. The feeling is familiar, something she has felt everyday since his betrayal, something that faded into a dull ache over time, but now it is back.
I can’t go back
Sakura had wasted no remorse or second-guessing on this seal. Once she activates it Sasuke will not be able to move his limbs for a full minute, no matter how strong his will, or his chakra, or his eyes are. She cannot waste this chance.
But in her second of hesitation, Sasuke had located her real body’s position behind a tree and was standing before her, his fist buried in her stomach. Sakura activates the seal.
I’m haunted!
A kunai pressed against to the gap in his ribs that protects his heart, this is the most dignity she will allow him. Her muscles tense. Anyone looking from afar would think that this was a lover’s embrace, her arms over his shoulders and his arms trapped between them, foreheads pressed together.
You and I walked a fragile line.
Sasuke collapses to the ground, eyes wide and black and so very shocked.
I have known it all this time
Sakura falls to her knees besides him. There’s blood leaking out of both of their mouths,
Never ever thought I’d see it break
Sasuke’s eyes focus on hers and Sakura holds back a sob and tries to smile, tries to let Sasuke know it’s OK.
Never thought I’d see it.
Uchiha Sasuke dies looking terrified.
***