Chapter Text
For her, that day was ordinary, nothing would justify the interest of the other novices; her animation, which took over the kitchen where they were working, and even she would not see any reason to count on some time off from the difficult novice training. If it really were a day off, she would prefer to use it to celebrate away from the white tower, but still in the city; in a house practically hidden among the streets of Tar Valon, where at some point, she intended to go for a visit.
Perhaps her dislike of other people's enthusiasm came from not having good memories or finding something to celebrate. Moiraine came from a noble family, one of the most powerful in Cairhien, she should have grown up with traditions and big parties. Siaun was her father's girl, something she suspected from the way she spoke of him, and she was only taken to the tower so that she would be protected. Alanna had a large family, making any gathering a celebration without her having to try. Liandrin, on the other hand, was the daughter of a fruit seller, living in poverty, and if she dared to question, she would earn a beating; something her father had never done to her, but someone else she was given to at the age of ten never cared to do.
Verin told her or she found it in a book, when she was forced to clean up the brown ajah's private library, and only then was it possible for her to understand what they was talking about, and why they celebrated that date. Not with the same commitment, something forgotten over the years, and it was still there
Guirale knew that she was in danger, that none of her friends, as she liked to think of the three of them, thought about something simple. Her worries became true, as she recognized the path that would lead to the novice master's room. Crying out for the wheel to have mercy on them, the light to put sense into others, herself in particular, being a fool who had followed Moiraine no matter where, in her hope of receiving the same look intended only for Siaun, increasing her hopes that a one day they could be pillow friends; it was also the fault of her own curiosity, which her father had warned her would one day put her in danger.
“Are you sure what you are doing?” Sanche asked, leaning against the wall, followed by her and Alanna who finally realized where she was.
Moiraine looked up at each of them, as much as she thought so, she knew that they were most trapped in Siaun, who she took by the hands. It was the blonde-haired woman’s desire to be the person those affections were intended for, to receive all the promises that existed in that look.
“Trust me Siaun. I would never put in danger.” Offering a gentle smile and forgetting that it wasn't just the two of them, the brunette grabbed her closest friend's hands tighter.
The you, it was only Siaun that Damodred cared about; the others were simply there for help. Liandrin understood that she should go, take Mosvani with her, because they clearly would not be protected if something went wrong, and she was certain that it would happen soon.
“I celebrated by having fun in the forest.” Alanna started trying to end the tense atmosphere between them, she always did that. “My family was together for a cousin's birthday, staying for days, and we took the opportunity to celebrate, without ever saying exactly what that day was, to keep peace between everyone. We, the youngest ones, would go to the forest that surrounded my uncles' farm, as far away from watchful eyes as possible. We felt free, we hunted, we picked fruit, we threw each other in the lake or in the mud. We created competitions for everything and I won them all.” As she told it, there was an animation in her tone that was impossible to ignore, and an amusing, almost childish mischief in her eyes, as she revealed how she managed to win against boys and some old; the great help that Saidar gave her, the advantage of being the only one of her generation in the family to have
Observing her, Liandrin was more certain that she would choose the Green Ajah. Everything about her closest roommate dictated that she follow this path, from her love for what the greens dictated, her passion for nature and hunting, just like her, and the two differed when her ambition also came to the fore unknown, the forbidden that was the world with guardians, which Guirale considered nonsense, knowing how much they could hurt
“When the wheel had not yet taken my mother from us, she distracted me during the day. Maybe, thinking about it now, she did it because we couldn't go to town, where if anyone was seen celebrating they would face a terrible fate. She found fun, games, and prevented me from hearing any noise. My father took it upon himself when she left us, and took me fishing as far away as possible". Siaun told her and even from a distance, she could feel the tremor in his voice, throughout her body and suspected that she was squeezing her hands tighter.
For a moment, she felt affection and recognition from her rival, almost like pity. What stopped her was that she didn't need pity, if she was protected, it was because she was loved, and had grown up with good memories, something that was denied to her, and yet another pain that she would carry, noticing the differences between them.
“The Damodred family organized a ball, bringing together all the important houses, making this another event on the list of those who wanted to play Daes Dae'mar. When we weren’t having a party, the celebration was between us, the family, at a banquet and games late into the night, with no end time.” Maybe that smile on Moiraine's face was the first one she'd seen since she'd known her that wasn't meant for anyone, least of all Siaun, feeling the joy of her memories of home.
Easily, even though she was leaning against the wall, Guirale knew that she was the only one keeping a serious expression on her face, frowning in disbelief at what they were saying.
“What are we doing in Sheriam’s private room?” Liandrin dared to question, realizing that it would have to be her to do it, someone with enough courage to ask and removing the subject that only brought her anguish.
When she realized she had their attention, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and walked away, letting them know that she was also present, no matter how silent she was about how she was celebrating.
“I said that the Damodred family celebrates with games and that is something I will lose, and you are included now, as my friends.”
That shadow that was in the future blue's eyes. There was something else she realized on her own, where each of them would go. Moiraine would be blue, she had everything and the protection of one of the most powerful blues among them, she would certainly choose this path, and diplomacy had been in her life and family since she was born. Siaun was the only one she didn't know for sure, in doubt, just like herself.
That shadow was dangerous, and directed at Liandrin it brought the spark in her heart closer to her, the good feeling that she had her attention and the imagination that one day they could be more than friends. She would easily give in to many things because of that look.
“Sheriam Sedai is the only thing stopping us from going outside, and I need to get something that is mine that is with her.”
“I must remind you how dangerous this is, that our presence here is reason enough to be punished.” Her movements were followed by Sanche, who stood in front of her, cutting off her eye contact with Moiraine, and by Alanna, looking at everything with an amused tone, who was ready for adventure.
“I don’t want to celebrate like all the novices. If you are afraid, Siaun, think that there are four of us, which makes everything easier. Our tasks are simple, I get the wine that my cousin sent me, he said he would send it and he does what he promises, and you change the records to make our exit permitted.”
“If any novice is seen inside the Sheriam room without being duly called, they must be punished in the worst way.” Liandrin grumbled, turning back to the wall, realizing that she had just lost, and the pain she felt in her back, remembering what she had suffered in the last punishment. Her eyes dropped to her hands, not in the mood to see the scratches she now had.
Moiraine on the other hand was playing deaf, refusing to listen to any of them, and leaned in closer. It was impossible for them to deny feeling Saidar's touch that was coming from Damodred, and to guess what she was doing, breaking yet another of the rules, as they could never channel without an one accepted or Aes Sedai nearby, and being caught would put them for the next months of cleaning the stables with a hairbrush.
Trying to help, they remained silent; it was there, what would be the point of pretending they didn't want to do it. Their breathing became weak; they turned back to the wall, while one of them listened with Saidar's help. As much as Moiraine said she learned during training, she knew it was a lie, it was evolved enough to have been discovered before, and in the safety of her home, she used it to get things.
She would go say it was dangerous, the blonde-haired woman would warn them that this would be terrible, and the door was unlocked, revealing to them that the novice master had left the room. Her instincts told her that she should go away, leave them, and that the light would put her back on the right path, not led by her own desire for adventure, the dangerous attracting her attention, and thus being able to keep her true nature away for longer. No one needed to know who she really was, until it was safe enough and she didn't risk someone else, who never wanted to be far away.
"I go". Alanna raised her hands, realizing that no one was moving, and confirmed what she thought, green.
A noise brought Siaun past, laughing at Moiraine, and whispering what a clumsy Mosvani was.
Alone with Damodred, she can smile a little, with the exchange of looks between the two, before feeling a warmth taking over her body. A simple touch, that's what her eyes found as she lowered her head, being caught by the wrist, forced to enter, when she couldn't even move anymore, her mind traveling to her dream world, seeing a common moment in them come true, and how your denials are over.
It took a touch, a common affection in friends, and she would follow Moiraine to Shador Logain if she asked, without feeling afraid.
A contact that lasted until they entered, very little in her opinion, being dissolved before Siaun's eyes, looking like it had never existed before, as she frowned in Sanche's direction and went to where she hoped to find what she was looking for.
Alanna approached her, looking at the things that were often used, and helping to look for the lost bottle. She and Siaun went the other way, looking for the records, and she changed them to pretend that her departure was permitted by the Amyrlin herself.
If Liandrin had taken longer to lift her head, hadn't been paying so much attention to Moiraine, she would never have noticed the sigh that escaped her when she found it, and how her eyes changed direction, becoming darker, and warning that plans had changed. She felt afraid of what would happen now and how much she was involved in it. Very
“Sheriam should feel some of what she does to us. How much she wounded us by simply not knowing something, and feeling what it's like to have her world messed up perfectly.”
A scream appeared in his mouth, and it was Siaun who let him go, calling for Damodred, when it was too late. The stick was in her hands, and the books fell behind the brown-haired woman, in front of her friends' breath. When leaves came in, she realized that Alanna had joined
Guirale should have followed her instincts and run while she still had time, before enjoying the chaos and starting to be part of it. The last one, calling Saidar to her, because they were surrounded by spirit, that created all kinds of things, turning the comfortable pictures prepared with instructions and healthy images, into something sinful and water, almost like fish escaping from there.
What the novices were doing went beyond just grabbing a bottle, they were going to destroy the novice master's room, and she liked this danger, because she wouldn't be alone. A shared punishment would turn out to be cool, if she thought about it
Four laughs were heard far away, forgetting the danger, of going beyond what was allowed, and a bottle being passed from hand to hand. The stick disappeared, lost in a place that not even the light knew where it was, where they sent it. Liandrin started to loosen up, drinking more and more, laughing with her, mixing elements to achieve a goal, and for a moment she thought that she could have good memories of that day, and could make it even more special, as she walked towards Moiraine
“Run.” Damodred shouted before she took a step, pulling Siaun with her away.
Approaching footsteps were heard, and that warning from the wheel came back to her, with the confirmation that she should not trust them, ever, that always ended in trouble.
Luckily, Alanna pulled her with her, while the steps became more hurried, almost as if Sheriam felt what had happened in her office and that two of them were still there.
She stopped in shock and fear, given over to memories of footsteps that caused so much fear like that in her and imagined that it would be a too distant memory there in the tower, in the safety that that place offered her.
Liandrin and Mosvani were far away when the novice master entered their room, but they felt it. The fear, the astonishment of being caught and the certainty that they were left behind, when they didn't find the two that were missing; no more than shadows running outside, where they too have gone
“Quick Liandrin.” Alanna screamed as she saw her falling behind, fumbling with her novice dress, wondering why they couldn't wear pants instead of layers of skirts underneath, which made it easier when they needed to run.
Seeing her falling behind, Siaun released the reins of his horse, placing a spiral of sharp lights towards the door to ensure that the blonde-haired woman could get to them. Moiraine passed a horse to Alanna, who quickly caused a small earthquake, leaving time for her to mount her own horse.
The novices were drunk, a little too drunk, for smiling like that, for imagining that the danger had passed. A mistake, when they turned around the gates were closed and Sheriam was standing next to them, revealing that everything they did was in vain
“Damodred, Sanche, Guirale, Mosvani”. Certainly, she wasn't the only one to shudder at the scream, as thunder cut across the sky, driving the four of them away from their horses, regardless of the pain.
Liandrin held her shoulder feeling that she had been hit, a cut was there, which an Aes Sedai would later heal; if she had the chance, the novice master's expression was pure disgust and said that cleaning stables would be few. They would receive blows in the hands, how many, she didn't even like to think about.
Looking at Moiraine who seemed the most scared, the one to blame for this, she realized that if she wanted to have a chance to be her target's pillow friend, the good girl must disappear, and what more useful way to achieve something if not through own gratitude.
The two stood up together, Damodred with her head up, awaiting her punishment, taught to never lower her head to anyone, that she was always right, and she followed her, because no one else had the power to make her feel inferior, if passed the time they controlled her, and scared her enough to prevent her from fighting.
Saidar came to Guirale, with a stronger breath, and she knew what she must do, her secret that saved her life, and was about to save her again and give her something greater than freedom.
“Sheriam.” Two voices, it took her a moment involved the unique power, to realize that she wasn't the only one and the other voice that followed hers was stronger
The young women turned to find what seemed to be their salvation; a true salvation. Siaun and Moiraine did not hide their surprise and the relief they felt when they saw Magain Sedai walking towards them, approaching and smiling at the girls, just three of them, she tried to avoid it, but it was there. Gesture that prevented her from leaving what she was doing, because she was thinking about her own safety
“Moiraine Damodred is allowed to leave. A carriage awaits to take her to her family, where she will celebrate properly and something that none of us should intervene in. The queen of Andor herself waits for her, and sent her messenger Elaida to fetch her.”
Magain's hands went up and the gate was opened. Moiraine did not hide her smile at gaining freedom, nor the expression of disgust she gave Sheriam as she passed by, who could do nothing against a request from the queen herself.
Who Elaida was became a question to her and why the name did so much for them, how the red cloak attracted Liandrin's attention upon seeing the carriage; it was a red one, a powerful red one
In the seconds that she was there thinking, observing with admiration the red who managed to be behind, if not commanding everything for the queen of Andor, was the time that Siaun used to escape, leaving her and Alanna alone, like that moment in the room
“I was just going for a ride, around the tower, when I found them and thought about helping. I have no idea what is going on and why Sheriam Sedai looks so angry.” Climbing back onto her horse and leading it the other way, she was finally left alone.
Sheriam did nothing to stop Mosvani, certain she was telling the truth, that was Alanna's gift, convincing people, which left her as a possible gray or blue as well, and a traitor for Guirale
“I should have known that the mess in my office was your doing, Liandrin Guirale, that's just like you to do. And don't think child that I didn't feel what I was doing before Magain arrived. Compulsion, where did you learn to do that?”
Liandrin didn't respond, she knelt on the floor, waiting for the first pain. The second was easier to bear, as she controlled her breathing and her heart, the pain to prevent herself from confessing how much it hurt, and thinking that she faced worse things and survived, even though she thought she might die.
The stick hurt, but there was something that hurt more. The feeling of being betrayed, that none of them cared about her and had left her. She would never fully trust any of them again, and she would fight whatever it took to stop Moiraine from controlling her with a little look, a touch, or what anyone having such power over her again.
Her hands hurt, she didn't have much time, not even the blood had made her think about going to see a yellow , for help, and she always liked red a lot, the meaning that that day brought had precisely to do with that. Her steps were slow, as much as she wanted to run, the pain prevented her, but at least she was away from the tower, for manipulating the soldier after she was left there by the novice master
An old, hidden, practically abandoned house appeared in her vision, and among the colors of Tar Valon, it seemed so dead, compared to others, and perfect for hiding secrets. The people there could help her, heal her wounds and would never say things that were her fault.
“What happened to you girl?” The woman questioned opening the door for her to enter.
Liandrin would say as usual, nothing happened, avoiding feeling more sorry for what those eyes looked at her, maintaining her strength to enter, before she fell to the ground. However, small arms wrapped around her legs, happy to see her, she adjusted her step, to stand tall him and control her body, before of surrender herself that toothless smile, enough for all the pain to disappear and for her to regain her strength.
In those arms, she was well, and she could think that there was happiness for her