Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Everything in Joseph’s life was routine. He woke up at the same time every morning, fifteen minutes earlier than he had to so he could get a few pages read of whatever book had taken his fancy this time, before following the exact same steps of getting himself dressed, fed and through the door by 6:00. He did exactly the same thing at exactly the same time every single day without fail. Most people thought that he was a little bit too particular about this, Joseph actually agreed with them, but he could never quite bring himself to break his routine. Something about the regularity of it all brought him comfort, made him feel like he was actually in control of his life for once. 

Baking was one of the only things Joseph was truly good at. Sure, he’d always managed to get good grades at school, and he was good enough at hockey that he probably could’ve gone pro if he’d really put his mind to it, but both of those things required constant hard work and attention. 

To him, baking was effortless. He just knew how to do it without ever really having to try. He baked for himself just as much as he baked for his mother. The one thing he always strived to do in life was to make her proud, to show her that everything she had sacrificed for him was worth it. He wanted her to know that he was happy with the life she had helped him build for himself. 

Joseph would definitely say he was an optimistic person. He always tried to look on the bright side, or make something good out of a bad situation, a quality that would pay off very well on this particular day.

They were out of apples. Completely. Which is a huge problem for any bakery, but especially for one that was known for its apple strudels, apples being the main ingredient and all. Joseph was a little stumped at what he was supposed to do about the significant lack of apple deliveries that he had received that morning. Opening the bakery alone probably didn’t help either, forcing him to come up with a solution with the minutes ticking down until he absolutely had to start working so everything would be finished in time for their first customer. 

He felt like a child raiding his parents’ kitchen cupboards as he worked his way through the pantry to take inventory and see what else was in stock that he could use for the strudel filling. Most people would just give up and have the bakery go a day without apple strudels, but not Joseph. 

He was determined, often to a fault.

There would be strudels for sale and he would make sure of it. Apple or otherwise.

Joseph’s search for an answer was interrupted by his phone buzzing against the counter across the room. He didn’t know what it was, but he could just tell that it wasn’t going to make his day any easier. And he was right. Jake, his slight disaster of a friend and co-worker, was running late. Disastrously late, apparently. Something about the traffic, which Joseph could immediately tell was a lie. Jake’s delay was less caused by traffic and more likely caused by a terrible case of sleeping through his alarm again. 

Was it ideal to be one baker down when he was already running behind because of the apples, or lack of them? No. No it was not. 

After typing a quick reply telling Jake not to worry, he turned his attention back to finding a solution. As optimistic as Joseph was, even he was starting to think they might just have to go without for the day. He wasn’t having any luck finding a replacement filling and he really had to concentrate on getting everything else in the oven, filled, decorated and out in the display for opening. 

One last look, he thought to himself, just in case. 

You know when everything just falls into place and you spend a few seconds feeling like the smartest person in the world? That was about to happen to Joseph as his eyes fell on a box of fruit that he knew wasn’t already being used. 

Of course. 

Pears. 

A whole crate of pears sat on the shelf right in front of him, and he did wonder how he’d managed to miss them during his search. But that didn’t matter anymore. He had a solution. Everybody likes pears, and if they don’t then they’ll just have to get something else that he’d made. There would certainly be no shortage of choice if his never-ending list of things to do had anything to say about it. 

He thanked God under his breath for sending an extra crate of pears to the bakery as he picked them up, rolled up his sleeves, and got to work. If Jake really was going to be as late as he’d said, Joseph was going to have to work nothing short of a miracle to get everything done in time. 

He never usually hoped for a slow start to the day, but Joseph really needed one today. 

You know how Sherlock has his mind palace? Well, wherever Joseph goes when he’s baking is the sweet, slightly messy, cinnamon-scented version of that. With his favourite playlist playing in the background, he got to work at double speed to make sure that everything would be ready in time for opening. 

In fact, he was so far into his ‘baking zone’, adding the finishing touches to a new holiday-themed cupcake that he’d been given the go-ahead to try selling, that it took three attempts for his concentration to be broken by the voice of someone that he hadn’t been expecting. 

It felt like he’d only started baking a short while ago, which explained the quiet ‘’fuck’’ uttered by Joseph under his breath after he looked up at the clock and realised that the bakery had already been open for a good fifteen minutes. 

‘’I am so sorry about this,’’ he apologised as he rushed over to the counter, ‘’I must have lost track of time back there.’’ 

To say Joseph was shocked when he heard the voice that softly laughed, reassuring him that it was fine and there was no rush, would be an understatement. He had heard deep voices before, but something about this one made him melt a little. 

Looking up at the owner of this voice probably didn’t help the fact that Joseph had already fallen head over heels with someone who was nothing more than a complete stranger to him. 

Anyone would be lying if they told you they didn’t stop for a moment to take in the beauty of his features. The slope of his nose, the way his hair fell in the most naturally perfect way, the slight smirk tugging at his lips when he realised that Joseph was definitely checking him out. 

Oh my fucking god Joseph, stop being so gay and pull yourself together. There is a really hot guy standing right in front of you and all you’re doing is staring? Ask him something, literally anything, for Christ’s sake. 

‘’So, uhh…’ Joseph’s brief moment of panic was once again interrupted by the hot voice, which he now knew belonged to an equally hot man, ‘’could I maybe buy one of those pear strudels please?’’

‘’The pear strudels?’’ His voice was thick with confusion. Of all things why did Hot Guy have to buy the one thing that he didn’t know what it tasted like. Then he started to panic because what if he hates it and thinks I’m bad at baking and then never comes back again and my stupid fucking apple strudels cause the demise of the entire relationship I’ve just built with this man in my mind. 

Joseph could also be really dramatic at times. 

Especially when it comes to hot guys. He’s absolutely useless when it comes to hot guys. 

‘’Yeah?’’

Okay, Joseph definitely knew he was fucking it up now. 

‘’Those ones,’’ Hot Guy pointed directly at the pear strudels that Joseph had put on display not even ten minutes ago, ‘’right there…’’

Snap. Out. Of. It. Joseph. 

‘’Oh those ones!’’ He tried to recover, but let's face it, neither of them believed it. There’s a reason he didn’t have a career in acting. ‘’Of course!’’

Joseph started bagging one up, as if he were on autopilot. ‘’Just the one?’’ He locked eyes with Hot Guy, both because he didn’t want him to think he was a complete mess, and so he could properly look at his eyes. Which, to absolutely no one’s surprise, were just as perfect as the rest of him.

‘’Yeah, just one,’’ Hot Guy chuckled again, definitely aware of what it was doing to Joseph, ‘’it's already going against my meal plans to have this one. I’d better not push my luck with two.’’

God, could he be any more loveable? 

Joseph, being one of those people who carpe’d the fuck out of every single diem, took this as an opportunity to be nosy without feeling awkward about it. After all, he was only practicing good customer service. ‘’Meal plan?’’ Was he being too cheeky? Probably. Did he care? He was shameless. ‘’Are you an athlete?’’

Hot Guy was definitely enjoying the not-so-subtle conversation that Joseph was making. It was so plainly obvious that he found him attractive, but hey, he might as well have some fun with it, right? ‘’Yeah, I play a bit of hockey, and a pear strudel is not on my recommended breakfast, but I haven't seen one in so long. I couldn’t resist it. They all look really good!’’ 

Now it was Joseph’s turn to chuckle, but even then he couldn't keep his cool. He felt an even deeper blush spread across his entire face at the compliment. So much for not being a complete  disaster. 

‘‘Thank you,’’ he could feel his cheeks burning up even more than he thought was humanly possible, ‘’we didn’t have any apples in, so I had to improvise with pears.’’ Admitting this was probably not the best decision. Everyone wants to eat something that was improvised last minute, don’t they? There’s absolutely nothing off-putting about that is there? He had to save this entire conversation somehow. ‘’They’re still really good though! I promise!’’

Well done, Joseph. That was the least convincing thing you've ever said. 

Another chuckle. God, these little laughs, and smirks, and not-so-subtle looks that told Joseph that Hot Guy was definitely checking him out, were going to be the death of him, all before 8:30. That had to be some kind of record. 

‘’I’m sure they are,’’ he moved to rest his arms on the counter. And what a pair of arms he had. What person, knowingly built like a Greek God, would do all this if they weren’t trying to make Joseph melt faster than ice cream on a hot day. ‘’Pears are ,like, my favourite fruits ever. I can never find them in strudels though, it's always apples.’’

‘’Well, it looks like today is your lucky day because we have more pear strudels than you could ever ask for.’’ 

This man had the absolute audacity to look Joseph up and down before telling Joseph that ‘’Today is definitely my lucky day.’’

Joseph couldn’t have found the words to reply to that even if he’d wanted to. And do you know what he did? He fucking giggled. At the big age of twenty-five, Joseph Woll had just giggled at a man. The worst part of it was that he wasn’t even ashamed of it. If this guy had the guts to walk in here and flirt the socks off of him, then Joseph had every right to giggle back at him. 

‘’That’ll be $5.50 please.’’ He smiled up at Hot Guy, already thinking about what he was going to tell Jake when he finally turned up to work. 

‘’Perfect,’’ Hot Guy smirked back at him, absolutely loving this whole exchange, ‘’did that go through?’’ He nodded down at the card machine. 

‘’Yup,’’ Joseph answered once the bold ACCEPTED message appeared on the screen, ‘’that’s all gone through for you.’’

‘Thank you.’’ Hot Guy picked up the paper bag that contained his long-awaited pear strudel and turned to head towards the door, only hesitating to look back over his shoulder and tell Joseph that ‘’I’ll see you later!’’

‘’See you later!’’

Oh. My. God.

What the fuck does he mean he’ll SEE ME LATER? Did that mean he was going to come back? Did that mean that he hadn't completely ruined the whole interaction by spending most of the time being an awkward, gay mess of a person? How was he supposed to go about his day and act normally about literally any of what just happened?

Joseph quite literally stood staring at the door in shocked silence for god knows how long before he was, not for the first time that day, brought back to reality by a voice interrupting his thoughts. 

Thankfully this time it was Jake, finally in the building and ready to work. ‘’Joey, dude, you look like you've seen a ghost. Are you alright?’’

‘’You are not going to believe what just happened to me.’’ Was all he had to say before Jake practically threw himself over the counter and into the back so they could gossip as he put his things away. 

‘’Tell. Me. Everything.’’

And tell Jake everything he did.

Chapter Text

It wasn’t often that Matthew was lost for words, so when he sat himself back down in the passenger seat of John’s car without saying a word, his dad-away-from-home sensed something had happened in the few minutes that his younger teammate had spent in the bakery. 

''You alright there, Matthew?'' He found Matthew’s complete change in demeanour slightly off-putting. 

''Hmm?'' He looked up at his captain and immediately knew that he was never living this down if anyone found out about it. Partly because he was the team’s rookie who everyone just loved to tease, and partly because he hadn’t told any of them that he was gay. Even if he did suspect that a few of them had started to pick up on a few things that raised some suspicions. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell them. He knew that they’d all be fine with it, especially after seeing everyone’s efforts to make the Leafs pride nights as inclusive as possible. 

He just didn’t want things to change. 

They would treat him differently if he told them, even if they said they wouldn’t. That’s just the way it is. They’d look at him differently, or they wouldn’t walk around shirtless around him as often as they would before he told them. Little things like that. And the worst thing is, no one would even realise they were doing it. It doesn’t matter how supportive and accepting someone is, the second you come out to them your relationship changes forever. 

Matthew didn’t want that. He’d finally found his place on the team, surrounded by people he had grown to love. He wasn’t going to risk ruining their friendships for the sake of telling them he was gay. 

Never mind telling his team, if someone found out and made it public, Matthew didn’t know what he’d do. That was something he just couldn’t bear to think about. 

''You look like you’ve seen a ghost.'' To be fair to John, he had seen a smiling, talkative Matthew walk into the bakery that they were definitely not supposed to be at, and a quieter, seemingly ‘on a different planet’ Matthew walk out not even ten minutes later. ''Did something happen in there?''

''Oh yeah,'' he had to come up with an excuse and his mind was still standing at the bakery counter talking to the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on, ''they had pear strudels. I wasn’t expecting that, I guess.''

Really, Matthew? Was that the best you could do?

''Do you not like pear?'' Now John was just confused. What did this pear strudel do to him?

''No, I love pears,'' Matthew finally made eye contact with his teammate, hoping to dispel some of John’s confusion at the whole situation, ''I’ve just not had one in years.''

All it took to confirm to Matthew that John wasn’t convinced about anything that he’d just been told was the most dad-like ''Hmm okay'' that he had ever heard. It was one of those things that your parents do when you tell them an obvious lie that they would never believe in a million years that tells you that the conversation was over for the time being, but it will be brought up again later. This gave Matthew a little more time to think up some kind of a cover story for when John inevitably quizzed him on it on the car ride home. 

That was the sort of person John was; if he knew something was bothering you, he would find a way to make you talk about it regardless of how much you didn’t want to. Something about how talking through your problems is better for you than keeping them to yourself. 

The rest of the ride in was almost entirely silent, save for a few comments about the traffic and how damn good that pear strudel was. It was really good. When he’d told the guy in the bakery that he would see him later, Matthew hadn't anticipated that ‘later’ would mean ‘on my way back from the rink’, but he wanted to go back already, just to tell him that it was the best pear strudel he had ever had. He wanted nothing more than to see that adorable blush cover his cheeks again every time he complimented his baking, or said anything, really. 

And there he goes again, off into his own little world, thinking about the guy from the bakery that he just knew would cause him a lot of trouble. 

John wasn’t the only one to pick up on Matthew’s change of mood either. Despite Matthew’s best efforts, Mitch was equally as unconvinced that nothing was wrong. Sometimes there really was no getting past Mitch Marner, even if his guesses were slightly misguided. 

''You met a girl, didn't you?''

Oh god . 

This is not the direction Matthew wanted this interrogation to go, regardless of how well-intentioned Mitch was. 

Before he could stop it, a laugh tumbled past his lips at the thought of being in love with a girl. Not that Matthew hated women or anything, he actually really liked them. Just not like that . ''No, Mitch, I did not meet a girl.''

''Yeah, sure.'' By looking at Mitch you’d think he’d be easy to fool, but you would be sorely mistaken. Matthew supposed this was just John’s influence taking effect on Mitch after being around him for so many years. You know what they say, like father like son. ''Something’s up with you, Mr Matthew Knies,'' Mitch flashed that sneaky, up-to-no-good grin that everyone knew meant nothing but trouble, ''I’ll find out soon enough.''

Usually, Matthew would have laughed this off, and he really did try to play it cool in front of everyone, but it also terrified him because if there is one thing Mitch succeeds at every single time, it's getting to the bottom of things. He has his ways, and Matthew was yet to figure them out. It's like the guy has eyes everywhere. 

Thankfully, for Matthew’s sanity and his heart, the rest of practice was relatively uneventful. Save from a few chirps from Mitch and the occasional dip in his concentration that resulted in an off-pass, everything else was as usual. 

He’d survived practice, but he still had to make it through the car ride home with John. That somehow felt like a harder task than avoiding Mitch’s interrogations, which was saying something.

''You know you can talk to me, right?'' John hadn’t even given him the chance to put his seatbelt on before the questions began. Don’t be mistaken, Matthew really did appreciate how much he cared about the well-being of his teammates both on and off the ice, but telling his captain and landlord that he was gay wasn’t exactly the conversation he wanted to have right now. ''I don’t want you to feel like I’m not here for you.''

Fuck .

Matthew hadn’t anticipated the tears that found their way to his eyes. If only John wasn't so kind to him. His calm demeanour, and literally everything about him, reminded Matthew of his dad. He really fucking needed his dad in that moment.

It was situations like these that Matthew wished he could stop time and think about what was about to happen, about what he was supposed to do. He didn’t have his dad here for comfort, or advice. He didn’t have his dad there to hug him, tell him that everything was going to be okay, and remind Matthew that no matter what happened, he would always love his son. 

Was he really about to do this? Was he able to do this? Wanting to come out is one thing, but actually getting the words out was the hardest part. Saying it out loud to someone, admitting it, that would make it real. There would be no going back then. John would know, and Matthew would have absolutely no control over how he would react. That's what scared him the most; the complete lack of control he had over the whole situation. 

People say that coming out is all down to when you feel ready, but Matthew had come to realise that if he kept putting it off until he felt ready, then he might never come out. He didn’t know what would kill him the most; coming out and watching his relationships with everyone inevitably change, or hiding such a huge part of himself from people that he already considered to be family just as much as his blood relatives were. 

He saw the way his teammates lit up when they spoke about their partners, or how their eyes softened when they looked at them, and Matthew wanted to be able to do the same one day. He deserved to be able to do the same. If other people had the right to be happy, why was he stopping himself from being happy too?

The silence that had settled between the two felt suffocated Matthew. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, but it felt like there was someone there holding his words back. It was doubt, he knew that much. But if he let doubt and fear rule his life like he had spent so long doing, then he knew he would never really be happy. What’s the point in living in fear when you know you have the chance to be yourself?

John’s mild concern for the boy he already thought of as his son increased tenfold the second he saw tears welling in Matthew’s eyes. He knew something had been bothering him all day, but he had no clue it was affecting him this much. 

It's now or never.

''I need to tell you something,'' Matthew’s heart was racing at the same speed that a million thoughts and possibilities were flying through John’s head. There really was no going back now, though, ‘’and I don’t want it to change anything, okay?’’

''Matthew, there are very few things you could tell me that would change the way I think about you.'' That was all it took for the tears to fall, and the words to flow. 

''I’m gay.''

That was all Matthew managed to get out between sobs. No big speech like he had planned, just two words that carried the weight of twenty-one years of hiding. 

Twenty-one years of being afraid of himself. 

Matthew couldn’t even bring himself to look up at John, too terrified of being met with a disappointed look on the face of someone he cared so deeply about. In fact, he was so in his own head worrying about how John would react that he didn’t notice two arms wrapping around him and pulling him close until a few seconds later. 

He didn’t know how much time had passed with the two of them sat there, John rubbing his back with one hand as words of reassurance filled the air. Matthew didn’t know how to feel. He was happy to have finally told someone in Toronto, and he had known deep down that John would have responded like this. He was proud of himself for doing it, for letting someone in.

John could physically feel the wave of relief that washed over Matthew during their embrace. He couldn’t say he’d been in a situation like this before, and he had no idea what the best way to respond would have been, so he did what he knew best. He comforted his son. 

''Thank you for telling me, Matthew,'' he had already started welling up, the emotions that Matthew had been holding back hit him all at once and he came to realise just how much courage he had built up to say two simple words, ''I know that wasn’t easy for you to do, so I appreciate that you felt able to tell me.''

Matthew knew that John wasn’t a man of many words. He much preferred to express his emotions through physical acts, which is why the hug, and his words of affirmation, meant quite as much as they did. John accepted him, not even that, he was proud of him, which is something that Matthew could never forget. 

He couldn’t bring himself to reply with anything more than an uttered ''Thank you.'' But, despite this being such a simple phrase, it carried so much weight, and both John and Matthew knew it. A few moments of silence passed before a sniff and John’s heavy breathing took hold of his attention. When he pulled back from the hug to look up at his captain, Matthew’s suspicions were confirmed. 

John Tavares, in all his stoic glory, was crying. 

''I’m so proud of you, Matthew. So proud.''

He knew that they wouldn’t say much more on the journey home, they never did, so he took the opportunity to get one last thing off his chest. 

''No one else knows,'' this is where Matthew’s nerves began to creep back in, ''and I don’t want to tell everyone yet. I just really wanted you to know.''

''You don’t have to tell anyone else until you decide you want to.'' Matthew smiled at this, realising that he made the right decision, ''I’m not going to say anything. It’s completely up to you who gets to know and I won’t let anyone rush that.''

''Thank you, John. I mean it. I was so scared of how people would react, but after Mitch sort of grilled me earlier, it felt like the right time.''

Matthew could see the final puzzle piece slotting into place as John pieced together the events of the day. ''So you didn’t meet a girl in the bakery, did you?'' Matthew shook his head. ''You met a boy.''

He didn’t have to say anything. The look that completely took over Matthew’s face all but confirmed John’s assumption.

''Do you want to go see him again?''

The laughter that erupted from Matthew’s lips was an answer enough. 

It had been an emotional day for Matthew. The least he could do to help was take him back to see the person at the root of it all. 

The person who brought the same look to Matthew’s face as John’s wife brought to his.

Matthew’s person. 

Chapter Text

''Jesus fucking Christ, Jake, did you see his arms?''

''No, Joseph, I did not see his arms because I wasn’t even in the building.'' Ah, yes, he did make a good point. Not that Joseph was in any capacity to think straight at that moment. Or ever, really. Joseph hadn’t thought straight for a single second in his life. 

''Okay whatever, but I just need you to know that they were huge,'' it was going to be a long day for Jake if Joseph carried on like this, ''and when he leaned on the counter. Oh. My. God.''

''So let me get this straight. You sold the guy a pear strudel and now you’re completely, hopelessly head over heels in love with him?''

''Mhm.'' Joseph looked up at Jake, nodding his head. 

''Sounds about right.'' He sighed. 

To say Hot Guy had left him completely speechless earlier that morning, Joseph sure wasn’t lost for words anymore. Poor Jake had been given no choice but to sit through a good forty-five minutes of Joseph gushing over the guy who waltzed into the bakery with his big arms, broad shoulders, and a look on his face that was bound to cause trouble. 

Joseph couldn’t even try to defend himself here. The more he thought about Hot Guy, the worse his excuses became. No, seriously, it was like trying to defend yourself against shoplifting in court by presenting receipts from a different shop three months prior. Fucking pointless.

Joseph was down bad. And Jake was loving every second of it.

''And you didn’t even get his name?'' Joseph shook his head, no . '''Oh, this is brilliant!'' Jake giggled before jumping up to perch on the counter to continue his teasing. 

What confirmed to Joseph that he would never hear the end of this was a cackle followed by the most mocking squeals of ''Jake I want him to crush me with his arms oh my god he was gorgeous. Did you see his eyes? Or his hair? Ohhhhhh Jake, he was like a god. What if he IS a god?''

He loved Jake, but the guy could be absolutely relentless. He’d thought that maybe an hour of teasing would have done the trick, but alas, Joseph was never that lucky in life. No, this ‘tormenting’ (as Joseph had called it) carried on all the way through their lunch break, where Jake sat staring at Joseph, chuckling to himself, and well into the afternoon. 

It was all in good fun, though. Joseph hadn’t exactly had the most eventful love life recently, so he appreciated feeling wanted again. 

But, as was often the case with Joseph, he had begun to doubt himself over the duration of the day. ''You do realise that we don’t even know if he’s gay, right?'' He did make a good point there. Yes, he’d taken Hot Guy’s tone as flirting, but he could have been way off with his presumptions. 

''Oh please, if he was talking to you with even half the gayness that you said he did, it’s obvious that he was into you.'' Joseph wasn’t convinced. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but his mind was never capable of just letting him be happy. Not even for a minute. ''No straight guy practically leans over the counter like that. Ever.''

''Jake, you weren’t even there. You didn’t see it.''

''I might as well have been with the way you’ve been gushing over him all day.''

Joseph would have to take that. He couldn’t exactly argue with it. ''Yeah, yeah, whatever.''

He was terrible at playing it cool. If anyone so much as smiled at him, he’d turn beet red in a matter of seconds. Exhibit A being the blush that spread across his cheeks the instant he was asked for a pear strudel that morning. Exhibit B being literally any other conversation he had ever had. 

The relatively uneventful few hours that followed Jake’s teasing was never bound to last long. No period of peace ever did in that bakery. As if one friend having fun bugging Joseph about his little (fucking enormous) crush wasn’t bad enough, Jake had another surprise up his sleeve in the form of their good friend and fellow gay, Jeremy. 

Jake, being the shit-stirrer everyone knows and loves, had called in reinforcements. 

The grin on Jake’s face alone was enough to indicate to Jeremy that Joseph’s situation was at least ten times worse than he previously thought. 

''Joey! My favourite person on in the world!'' He was going to have a lot of fun with this. ''I hear you’ve been falling hopelessly in love without me.''

Fuck me. Telling Jake about any of this was a mistake. 

''You two are absolutely insufferable.'' Joseph glanced between his two friends. They were both perched on the counter now, their left legs crossed over their right, clearly copying each other in hopes of irritating him just that little bit more. 

''Us? Insufferable?'' Mock offence spread all over Jeremy’s face. 

''Never!'' A smirk from Jake. 

''I hate you both.'' Joseph chuckled as he carried a tray of muffins past them and through to the front. 

Finally, a moment of peace. 

But naturally, that peace lasted no more than five minutes before God decided to throw in a curveball and make his life even more difficult. 

Joseph was messing around with the coffee machine, mostly just to kill time and avoid having to go back and sit through further tormenting from Jake and Jeremy, softly humming along to “Style” (Taylor’s version, naturally) and drifting off into his own little world. 

This time, though, he didn’t miss the sound of the door opening. He didn’t miss the gentle ''Hey,'' from an all too familiar voice that had spent all day playing on repeat in Joseph’s mind, ''again.''

To say Joseph’s heart actually did a flip would be an understatement. 

''Hey,'' he could already feel the heat spreading across his face, ''you came back'' 

When Matthew took in the soft smile on Joseph’s lips and the visible sparkle in his eyes, he thought he might actually collapse. There was just something about Joseph that caused any tension Matthew felt to immediately melt away. Even though he didn’t even know his name, Matthew couldn’t help but feel safe in his presence. 

''I said I would, didn’t I?'' Matthew’s signature ‘flirting with the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen’ smirk found its way back onto his lips. If there was one thing he’d figured out from their earlier interaction it was that Joseph found Matthew’s borderline cocky demeanour very very attractive. And if that’s what he wanted, it’s what he was going to get. ''You made it hard for me to stay away.''

Or not. 

Matthew didn’t mean to say that. Was it a lie? No, but it definitely didn’t help him out in the looking cool department. It just made him look like a complete disaster. Which he was, especially when it came to the guy from the bakery who makes the best pear strudels known to man. 

''Oh?''

You know how a puppy will sit back and tilt its head in confusion when you pretend to make one of its toys disappear in front of it? That is exactly how Matthew would describe Joseph’s response to what he’d just heard. Not in a bad way, just in a ‘did he really just say that or did I imagine it’ way. 

''The strudels,'' he had to save himself somehow, regardless of just how awful it was going to be, ''the pear strudels you made. They’re really good.'' Now it was Matthew’s turn to blush. This had to have been one of the gayest things he’d ever done. What sort of person acts like that in the first proper conversation they have with someone that they might just be in love with? Matthew does, apparently. 

All while this was happening, Joseph just knew that Jake and Jeremy would be listening in. And he was absolutely correct. The two of them stood in the doorway, thinking they were out of sight, practically grabbing each other to stop the loud bursts of laughter that they were so desperately trying to hold back. This was the best thing to ever happen to them. They didn’t even need to be introduced to Hot Guy to know that the tall, broad man who was failing miserably at flirting with their friend was in fact the same person Joseph had spent the morning talking Jake’s ear off about. 

''You really think so?'' As amused as Joseph sounded, he couldn’t quite hide the pride that was swelling inside his chest. Hot Guy liked my baking. Like he actually came back for more. ''Did you come all the way back here to tell me that?''

''Kind of,'' The day that Matthew stopped being so painfully fucking gay was the day that maybe, just maybe, he would finally know peace. But, alas, that day was not today ''but I also really wanted to buy another one.''

''I thought that went against your meal plan.'' Following his question with a smirk, Joseph felt it was his turn to cockily flirt. So he did what he thought was best and leaned forward on the counter, resting on his arms in exactly the same way that Matthew had done that morning. 

''Shhh'' he brought a finger up to his lips, playfully grinning, ''no one has to know.'' He seemed much more collected on the outside, but on the inside, all hell had broken loose. It turns out Joseph had more muscle than Matthew had anticipated because holy fuck those arms are unreal. He’s unreal. 

The laugh that this evoked from Joseph left Matthew speechless. It was genuinely the most incredible laugh he had ever heard. Melodic, almost. He knew he was down bad before, but when he realised just how much attention he was paying to Joseph’s every movement, he realised just how hard he had fallen. 

The silence that fell between them wasn’t awkward, if anything it just felt normal, but even then he couldn’t help but feel the need to say something. Literally anything. Maybe it was just him not wanting their conversation to end. 

''I like your uhh... I like your bow.'' Matthew internally questioned his entire existence as soon as he heard those words leave his mouth. Who the fuck compliments the bow that someone tied their apron in? He did apparently, and he hated himself for it. Regardless of how much he wanted to continue their conversation, this was not the way to go about it. 

Thankfully, any thoughts of how weird Joseph thought Matthew was for saying something as out of the blue as that were quashed by another one of his charming boyish laughs. As if this wasn’t already having a significant effect on his heart rate, Joseph proceeded to lift his hand to cover his mouth as he laughed. It was such a small, simple gesture, but for some reason Matthew found it to be the most endearing thing he had ever seen. To have someone laugh at something he had said in such a raw, comfortable manner made him think that maybe, just maybe, he actually had a chance. 

If he could provide this much happiness now, Matthew wondered just how happy they could be in the figure. 

But, of course, something always had to swoop in and pop the bubble that they once again found themselves conversing in. This time it took the form of the continued stifled laughter coming from the door to the back. Matthew pulled his eyes away from Joseph and focused them on the two people, who he assumed to be Joseph’s coworkers, who stood in the doorway with tears in their eyes from holding back their laughter. 

In true Matthew fashion, he adopted his cocky demeanour once more, smirking as he nodded his head in the direction of the laughter. ''I think we have an audience.''

They didn’t seem to be too panicked about being spotted. In fact, their faces held expressions of amusement from watching the interaction unfold in front of them. Any doubts that they, or Joseph, had had about Matthew being into him most definitely wouldn’t hold up after they had witnessed whatever the fuck just happened. 

''Really guys?'' Joseph cocked a playful eyebrow. ''Don’t you have some decorating to be doing?''

''It can wait.''

Those fuckers. 

''Pests.'' They chuckled, and exchanged a knowing glance between them before disappearing from sight, whispering to each other about things that they would undoubtedly tease Joseph for later. 

''Sorry about those two.'' He turned back to look at Matthew, shaking his head and sighing. 

''That’s okay,'' Matthew’s response came out barely above a whisper, ''they seem nice.''

Joseph snorted. He fucking snorted. ''Yeah, that’s one way to put it.''

''No, really,'' he tried his hardest not to laugh at Joseph’s response, ''I can tell they care about you.''

''They do…'' you could hear the smile in his voice. He really did love them, despite how much they annoyed him sometimes. He so desperately wanted to tell Matthew all about them and their history, but he figured that would be a bit too much. Oversharing way too early into a conversation was a bad habit of Joseph’s that he was trying to kick. He knew it was fine to talk about things, but sometimes he could never quite find where the line between casual conversation and recounting drunken 2am antics that were definitely too inappropriate to be told in public was.  

''So uh,'' he tried to get their conversation back on track, Matthew had come back into the bakery to ask for another pear strudel after all, ''you wanted another pear strudel?''

Ah yes, a pear strudel, the (almost) entire reason that Matthew had gone back to the bakery. ''Yes! I'll have another of your finest pear strudels please.''

Joseph laughed again as he bagged up another pear strudel, now certain that he was very quickly falling for the man standing before him. ''

''One of my finest pear strudels for you…'' He trailed off, hoping that Matthew would get the hint that he was asking for his name. 

Thankfully, Matthew’s brain decided to kick in and he understood the look on Joseph’s face. His realisation must have crossed his face because they both smiled at each other as Joseph handed over the paper bag. 

''Matthew.''

''Joseph.''

Chapter Text

People say it takes twenty-one days to form a habit; for Joseph and Matthew, it only took seven. 

It only took them seven days to go from that busy morning filled with apple strudels and nervous flirting to their conversations feeling like second nature and Joseph making sure that he had a fresh pear strudel waiting for Matthew every morning. 

Their routine worked well for Joseph. It was one more thing that he had to look forward to every morning. Although he didn’t usually like his routine changing, for some reason this addition kept him sane. Matthew kept him sane. 

Despite his meal plan definitely not including a daily pear strudel, Matthew just couldn’t stay away. From Joseph or his baking. There was just something about him that he felt drawn to. His presence. His personality. His kind eyes. It was as if there was an invisible string tying the two together, and it was making Matthew lose his mind. He was already so intoxicated with every little thing about Joseph and he already found himself daydreaming about what the future could hold for them. 

It just felt so easy to be around Joseph. He always made an effort to make sure you felt listened to. There was always time for you in his increasingly busy schedule, and if there wasn’t then he’d make some. Not to mention the eye contact. It was one of the most attractive things Matthew had ever experienced, second only to Joseph’s arms (which he still hadn’t recovered from seeing for the first time).  There was just something about the genuine interest he felt radiating from Joseph when they spoke. Matthew had never really experienced that before; having someone actually wanting to listen to him talk, even if he is just rambling about something completely random. It was nice to be listened to. It was nice to be seen. 

Pear strudels still hadn’t made it to the actual menu yet. Joseph was pushing for it, but he hadn’t quite got there with it. This never stopped him, though. Every morning as he was making the apple strudels, a secret pear-filled one found its way into the batch. It was such a shame that they always ended up with one spare pear strudel that a certain baker’s crush simply adored. Joseph just couldn’t figure out how it kept on happening. 

The appearance of the mysterious pear strudel hadn’t gone unnoticed either. Matthew, who they had now given the nickname of ‘pear boy’, hears their teasing comments and not-so-subtle chuckles every time he came in and spoke to Joseph. As relentless as their teasing was, Matthew was glad it happened. It made him feel normal, as if he wasn’t a closeted NHL player placed in a situation that very few people would even begin to be able to understand. 

John had tried his hardest to navigate Matthew’s situation carefully, not wanting to cross any boundaries or say something that upset him. This was new to them both and Matthew was glad that he had someone in his corner. 

Contrary to popular belief, John actually wasn’t a robot. He was just like everyone else, including when it came to being nosy about the person who had essentially turned Matthew’s life upside down in the best way possible. 

They were driving back from a particularly exhausting practice when John interrupted Matthew’s daydreaming, drawing his eyes from the window and towards his captain. “I was thinking I might come into the bakery today,” he glanced over towards Matthew, keeping an eye on his reaction, “the strudels you buy always look really good so I thought I’d have a look at what else they have in.”

He didn’t want Matthew to think he was being invasive towards the crush that he was harbouring, but he also figured that he should go in and scope out the situation. John felt the need to make sure that the person Matthew had taken a liking to was suitable. He wasn’t going to have his live-in rookie getting involved in anything that could hurt him or cause any trouble. 

One way to describe Matthew’s reaction was a deer caught in headlights. On one hand, he felt panicked by this. He knew John meant well and wouldn’t do anything to interfere. He viewed Matthew as his own son; he only wanted what was best for him. Plus, he couldn’t exactly tell the man who drove him around and literally put a roof over his head that he wasn’t allowed to go into a bakery, could he?

“Sure,” Matthew paused to make sure he worded his response correctly, “I think they have some things that you’d really like.” He was just going to have to pretend that he wasn’t slightly losing his mind over the thought of Joseph and John actually interacting. “You like scones, right?” 

Matthew didn’t think he’d ever felt quite this anxious to walk into the bakery. John was with him. The only teammate he’d come out to was with him. His dad-away-from-home was with him. This was a big moment, even if it wasn’t a formal introduction or anything. But it was still important. He needed both John and Joseph to make a good impression on each other. 

Thankfully Joseph wasn’t standing behind the counter when they walked in. Matthew had at least a few moments to prepare himself for what the immediate future would hold for him. 

However, the lack of a certain six-foot-three baker behind the counter did mean that someone else was there. That someone else being Jake, the knowing grin already on his face as he greeted them. “Matty! I’ve not seen you in a whole day!” 

Jake had one of those voices that displayed emotions just as much as his face did, which meant that Matthew immediately knew that he was up to good. He hadn’t even had the chance to return the greeting before Jake threw him under the bus. 

“Hey Joey!” Oh no . “Your Matthew is here!”

That was quite possibly the worst thing he could have said. 

“Hello to you too, trouble.” He had to play it cool. The stifled chuckle he’d heard coming from John from behind him told him everything he needed to know. The car ride home was going to be an interesting one. “Where’s Tweedle Dee?”

Wherever Jake was, Jeremy wasn’t too far behind. They were practically joined at the hip and always, always , left a trail of absolute destruction behind them. 

“In the back.” He shrugged. “He burnt some muffins so I put him in timeout.” Nothing new there. They loved putting each other in timeout every now and then, which essentially consisted of one making the other do all their work for a while as well. Matthew loved the dynamic that Jake and Jeremy had going. It was so chaotic, but also so full of love for each other. He wanted something like that one day; being able to let go around someone and still have them look at you like you’re the only person in the world. 

“Ah, makes sense.” As much as Matthew enjoyed his playful conversations with Jake, he really did just want to see Joseph. They were going on the road for a few days, which meant no more daily strudels or stealing what he thought were sneaky glances when he thought Joseph wasn’t looking. 

He turned to look over his shoulder “Joey!” 

“Busy day?” Matthew didn’t want to interrupt Joseph if he was caught up with work. 

“Nah, he’s just off in his own little world as usual.” He did tend to drift off with his own thoughts from time to time. Matthew found it endearing, though, walking into the bakery to see Joseph humming away to whatever playlist he had chosen that morning. “I’ll go find him.”

Matthew isn’t entirely sure how to approach the conversation about how John was about to meet Joseph for the first time. Sure, they weren’t dating, but it was still a big deal. He wanted everything to go smoothly if he was going to have any chance of not scaring Joseph off. John wasn’t exactly an intimidating person, he was a big softie at heart, but when you look up and see a six-foot-one man staring back at you, clearly deciding on his first impressions of you, it does tend to make you pretty nervous. 

“See anything you fancy?” At this point, Matthew was just dancing around the elephant in the room, but if it worked then he wasn’t about to complain. 

“A lot of it looks quite sweet,” John definitely knew what Matthew was doing, but if he wasn’t quite ready to talk about Joseph then he wasn’t about to push it, “I wonder what savoury things they have.” 

A rather flustered Joseph derailed Matthew’s train of thought as he rushed through the door. “Sorry! Sorry! I was off in my own little world decorating those cookies. I didn’t hear Jake call.”

It was at this point that Joseph registered that Matthew wasn’t alone as he usually was. John had made sure he hung back a little so he could give Matthew some space and not get too involved. Joseph wasn’t entirely sure whether John was with Matthew or whether they were strangers who had happened to enter the bakery at the same time. “Hi! Welcome in!” 

“Joseph, relax,” Matthew laughed at the slightly panicked look behind his eyes, “this is John, my teammate.” 

“Oh okay, that makes sense.” A sigh of relief. “Anything take your fancy?” He wasn’t too sure how much Matthew had told John, so he stuck to making general chatter about food. You can’t accidentally out someone when discussing food. To be fair, you probably could, but it would be pretty difficult. But either way, he wasn’t going to risk it. 

Matthew didn’t even have to say anything about what he was buying. A pear strudel and an iced latte was his usual order. Don’t forget the 2% milk. 

As he bagged up Matthew’s strudel, Joseph focused on John, wanting to make sure that he found something he wanted. “Are you thinking sweet or savoury?”

“I probably prefer savoury.” John appreciated the attention he was being given. He could immediately tell that Joseph really did love his job and genuinely wanted to try his best to find something that he would like. “I’m just looking for a little something to have for my lunch.”

Joseph paused for a second as he ran through his mental list of everything savoury they had in. Matthew recognised the second he thought of what he could offer John. 

“How would you feel about a cheese scone?” Bingo. Matthew had no idea how Joseph was able to accurately assign complete strangers a baked good and have it be exactly what they were looking for. It was an oddly specific, but in this case very useful talent. 

“You know I think that’s exactly what I need.” Even John seemed amazed by Joseph’s suggestion. “I’ve been craving something all day, but I’ve not been able to put my finger on what it was that I wanted until now. I’ll take one of those please.”

To say Matthew was relieved was an understatement. He’s not exactly sure why he thought that Joseph suggesting something to John that he didn’t really want would cause any problems, in fact, he was sure that John would just be appreciative of the fact that he wanted to help find the right thing.  

“No worries! Not to sound like I’m talking up my own baking, but these cheese scones are really good.” Now that Joseph had realised that John actually wasn’t an overly intimidating person, he felt more comfortable chatting away with him. After all, if Matthew liked him enough to spend time with him outside of practice, he must be a friendly person. “I think you’ll really enjoy it!”

Matthew loved watching them interact. Even though they’d only just met, Joseph spoke to John as though it was natural to him. 

“Thank you, Joseph.” A soft smile, as if to reassure Matthew that everything was going just fine. 

“No problem!” He handed Matthew his pear strudel, wrapped in a brown paper bag with a smiley drawn in the corner. “I’ll get your drink finished up now.”

Joseph was blushing like he’d never blushed before. It was actually impressive just how nervous Matthew made him. It wasn’t a bad nervous though, it was the kind of nervous that you look forward to. The type of nervous that makes your heart do flips as you’re waiting to see them again. The type of nervous that makes you know you’re in it for the long run. 

John stood there, observing the two. He could tell that they had something special just from the way they looked at each other. There was something so much bigger than a crush held in those glances. There was adoration, young love, and the knowledge that they were safe around each other. The way they interacted already felt so domestic; Joseph knowing Matthew’s order before he even said anything, the small smiley face that he’d drawn on the bag, the way they stole glances at each other when they didn’t think they’d be caught. Actions speak louder than words, and Matthew and Joseph’s screamed soulmates. 

He knew they had something special because they were acting in the exact same way that he and Aryne had when they were younger. And now they had three kids and two rookies living in their basement, so you could say it worked out pretty well for them. 

“Is that everything for you both?” Joseph asked as he placed Matthew’s drink on the counter. 

“Yup,” Matthew pulled out his card to pay for them both, “thank you.”

“That’s not a problem. I hope you both enjoy them!” Joseph’s smile made Matthew want to jump across the counter and kiss him right then and there. Why was falling for someone so complicated? Why couldn’t he publicly date people without worrying about their safety like the rest of his teammates? It just wasn’t fair.  

“Oh,” Matthew had forgotten to tell Joseph about his road trip, “I’m not going to be in again until Thursday.” 

“Oh?” How much longer could Matthew put off telling Joseph he was a professional hockey player? He was bound to find out soon enough, but he didn’t think now, in front of John, was the best time to do that. 

“Yeah, we have two games in New York, but I’ll be back soon.” 

Joseph smiled at Matthew before looking over to John so that he could address them both. “Good luck to the two of you! I’ll have two pear strudels ready for you when you’re back.” There was a brief pause before Joseph added something that made both Matthew and John’s hearts swell for different reasons. “I’ll have the world's best cheese scones made up for you too, John.” Matthew’s heart was almost bursting with pride at the way that Joseph was so easily able to make people feel included and seen. John’s heart was brimming with happiness. Matthew had chosen well. He couldn’t think of a single thing to fault Joseph on. He truly was a good person through and through. 

“New York? Oh wow, that’s going to be great!” Joseph had assumed that Matthew played for a smaller local team. He hadn’t expected them to travel far for their games at all. “Have you been before? I’d love to visit there one day.”

“Now with this team, no. But I have been before.” He really didn’t want to give too much away. “It’s really busy, but I love it there.” Matthew so desperately wanted to tell Joseph that he would take him on a trip to New York in a heartbeat. He didn’t, though. It probably wasn’t the best idea to tell him that in front of John. “Although, they don’t make pear strudels quite like you do.”

They both blushed. Joseph at the compliment given to his baking, and Matthew at the fact that he’d forgotten that John was there and he’d just said the gayest thing to date right in front of him. 

“Thank you…” Joseph felt his face turn an even deeper shade of red. “I’ll miss you!” 

Oops . 

He hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Not in front of Matthew’s teammate who might not know whether he was gay or not. Maybe he could play it off as being just friends? He hadn’t exactly said anything that could raise too many suspicions, and Matthew didn’t look particularly panicked, so for the sake of the health of his heart he decided not to worry too much about it. That didn’t mean that he wouldn’t worry at all, just that he wouldn’t spend every waking moment for the next few days wondering whether Matthew hated him for it and convincing himself that he had ruined any and all chances they had at being together. He would only spend every other waking moment doing that. The others were reserved for missing Matthew and counting down the minutes until he’d be back in the bakery. 

Matthew laughed, secretly praying that the absolute dumpster fire of panic that was raging through his mind wasn’t displayed too obviously on his face. He could tell that Joseph hadn’t meant to say it, but he still had. Thank fuck he was a hockey player who spent most of his time surrounded by guys that spent way too much time acting a little too gay with each other for fun. So, Matthew did what hockey players do best. He smirked his trademark smirk and played it off as a good old bit of homosexual hockey banter. “And I’ll miss you too…”

And then he winked. He fucking winked. Why was he doing this to himself?

Matthew decided that for the sake of everyone in that room, they should definitely be leaving. He already knew that he was going to get absolutely rinsed for this on the drive home. 

So, with a few longing looks, and some slightly embarrassed goodbyes, Matthew and John picked up their things and made their way back to the car.  

“So, he’s going to miss you, eh?”

Matthew was never hearing the end of this. 

“I mean,” he had to come up with something that didn’t make them sound hopelessly in love, “I’ve been in there every day for the last week, so it’s going to be weird not going in. I’ll miss my strudels as well.”

“Ah, young love.”

“Oh my god, JT, you’re killing me here.”

“Come on, you know I have to tease you about this.” He wasn’t wrong. Matthew definitely deserved to be teased for whatever the fuck had just happened. “If it makes you feel any better, I do really like him.”

That meant more to Matthew than John could ever imagine. “You do?”

“I think he’s great, Matthew. I can tell that he really cares about you. Not that it truly matters, but he has the John Tavares seal of approval.”

Matthew wanted to cry then and there, but he wasn’t about to break down in the passenger seat of John’s car for the second week running. Once was more than enough to last a lifetime. 

“I’m glad he does. I think I really like him.”

They didn’t say much more about Joseph for the rest of the drive, and Matthew was thankful for it. He didn’t really want to discuss the ins and outs of his love life with John, regardless of how supportive he would be. The peace and quiet didn’t bother him though. He had plenty of things to think about. 

Jake’s words from earlier were playing on a loop in his mind. His Matthew. His . He could get used to that. He really wanted to be Joseph’s. 

Chapter Text

“Oh my god, Matthew! What happened to you?”

This wasn’t the welcome-back greeting that he’d expected from Joseph. He’d been gone on a back-to-back in New York for a few days and couldn’t wait to see Joseph again. As much as Matthew didn’t want to admit it, he really had missed Joseph (and definitely hadn’t spent every waking moment looking forward to being back in Toronto). 

“What do you mean?” It took Matthew a few moments to figure out why Joseph looked as worried as he did. The fight. His bruised cheek. Of course . “Oh.”

“‘Oh’ indeed.” He tutted. Matthew hadn’t considered how he was going to explain the developing bruise on his cheekbone. It wasn’t exactly one he could have covered up. Joseph’s face shared the same look of a parent who was disappointed that their child had gotten into trouble, but worry clouded his eyes. A million possibilities were racing through his mind, yet all he could focus on was making sure Matthew was okay. “What on earth did you do?”

“It was a pretty physical game, I guess,” he still hadn’t figured out how he was going to tell Joseph he played in the NHL, but he didn’t want to just drop it on him like it was no big deal. It might have become normal to Matthew, but it was very much the furthest thing from normal for Joseph. “I had my first fight. It’s not painful, though, just a bit bruised.”

It didn’t matter how much Matthew reassured Joseph that he was fine, he was still going to worry. Before Matthew could even register what was happening, he felt a hand come to rest on his cheek, Joseph’s thumb gently brushing over the bruise. Joseph‘s hand was on his face . He was absolutely freaking out over such a small, simple gesture. No one had ever cradled his face before, not like that. It felt so intimate. So natural. So them . 

Joseph sighed. “Did you at least win?” It was nice to know that even though he was worried, he was still asking the important questions.

“Oh you know I did!” Joseph didn’t think he had ever seen Matthew look more like an over-excited puppy that had been let loose with a big bag of treats. It was obvious that he really loved playing hockey, and Joseph could appreciate that. It always made him happy to see people be passionate about things without feeling ashamed of it. “Wanna see the video?”

It took him a few seconds, and a playfully disapproving nod of Joseph’s head, to realise that this meant he would actually have to tell Joseph about the team that he played for. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Joseph to know, in fact, he wanted more than anything to tell him and invite him to a game, but he didn’t want what they had to change. 

Matthew knew that Joseph would never say anything to anyone about him being gay, but there was always that little nagging ‘what if’ in the back of his mind. What if it changed the way Joseph looked at him? What if it changed the way they interacted with each other? What if he hated Matthew for not telling him about it sooner? 

In an attempt to reason with his overly negative mindset, he reassured himself that Joseph wouldn’t try to use him or anything. If he had treated him like this before finding out, then that genuinely was just the way he felt about Matthew. Joseph liked him for who he was as a person, not what he did for work.  

None of that mattered, though. It was too late to back down now. He’d already asked Joseph if he could show him the video, and he was visibly excited about it too, so he was just going to have to bite the bullet, come clean, and answer any questions that Joseph was inevitably going to have about the whole situation. 

“Go on then,” Joseph’s voice dragged Matthew back to the present, “if you insist.”

Matthew grinned in an attempt to wipe any negative emotions from his face and opened YouTube, once again leaning on the counter in that one specific way that drove Joseph crazy. His thumb hovered over the video in slight hesitation. Fuck it. He’s going to have to find out sooner or later. I guess it’s going to be sooner. 

He pressed play. In doing that, he was losing all control he had of the situation. There really was no going back now. 

It took a few seconds for the penny to finally drop in Joseph’s mind. Matthew saw the exact moment when he realised, brows furrowing slightly as he took in the blue and white jerseys that he could recognise anywhere. Any doubts he had about the jerseys he thought he had identified disappeared the second he spotted the Maple Leafs logo. The logo on Matthew’s jersey. 

Matthew was a Toronto Maple Leaf. In the NHL. 

Joseph had spent the last god knows how long shamelessly flirting with an NHL player and he hasn’t even realised it. In his defence, he didn’t tend to watch many Leafs games, despite living in Toronto. He was more of a Blues guy, them being his hometown team and all. Even as far away from home as he was, he knew who his loyalties were with. Joseph had watched the occasional Leafs game, though. This usually took place at Jeremy’s apartment and included a lot of alcohol, so he wasn’t overly familiar with the players’ faces, just their names.

By the time Joseph snapped himself back into the present, Matthew was mid-fight. And boy did he look good . He had never considered the fact that Matthew played hockey professionally, he had just sort of assumed it was more of a hobby. It did explain a lot though; his meal plans, his broad shoulders that Joseph could only describe as being carved in marble by the gods, and his general lack of conversation relating to work. 

“You, uh,” he had absolutely no clue how he was going to approach this. He didn’t want to sound like he was judging Matthew for not telling him, he didn’t imagine he would walk around flirting with people like they had been and telling everyone he was an NHL player. It wouldn’t exactly make his life easier, would it? “You play for the Leafs?” 

Well done, Matthew, you’ve only gone and ruined every chance you had at getting to date him now. 

The deer-in-headlights look on Matthew’s face mustn’t have been as well hidden as he thought it was. He couldn’t even string together enough words to form some kind of an answer, not even one that barely made sense. Joseph, being Joseph, immediately knew that his response hadn’t been the best as soon as he looked into Matthews’s eyes and saw nothing but fear. Fear that he would go around and tell people that he was gay. Fear of rejection. Fear of not being loved.

“I…” he couldn’t exactly lie about it now, could he? Joseph had literally seen him wearing a Leafs jersey in a fight with a Penguins player. “Yeah?” 

Matthew Knies, ladies and gentlemen. Ever so eloquent. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Joseph’s voice was laced with a multitude of emotions; confusion, disappointment, something that Matthew believed to almost resemble betrayal. 

Five words that brought Matthew’s world crumbling down. Joseph hated him, he just knew it. He really had fucked it up now. Why hadn’t he just mentioned it in one of their million conversations? Why did he have to be so fucking secretive about it? John was right. Honesty really was the best policy. 

“I didn’t know how.” Matthew was almost ashamed to admit his reasoning, afraid of being too vulnerable around someone who could now weaponise his biggest secret against him at any given moment. “I didn’t want you to think about me differently.” A whisper. 

“Matthew, there are very few things you could tell me that would change the way I think about you.’’ He’d heard that before. From someone who was equally as important to him. To have two separate people care about him so much that he could do almost anything and they wouldn’t think of him any differently made him feel something he had never felt before. Unconditional love. 

“I was just scared, I guess.” Seeing just how much this had affected Matthew almost broke Joseph’s heart. “I did want to tell you, but I just couldn’t figure out the right time.”

“Well, I’m glad you’ve told me now.” Joseph could practically see the weight of Matthew’s worries lift off his shoulders. “And for what it's worth, I think you looked very attractive during that fight.” Now it was Joseph’s turn to blush, still slightly nervous about flirting with Matthew, even after all the time they had spent together.

But, as was usually the case with the two of them, they could never quite have a moment's peace together. Before Matthew had the chance to stop grinning so hard that his cheeks hurt, an all too familiar voice shattered their little bubble. 

“Kniesy!” Oh no . “So this is where you’re always disappearing off to.”

Mitch was here. In Joseph’s bakery. Watching the two of them very obviously having a moment. This was going to end well. 

Matthew had been caught at quite possibly the worst moment for convincing his teammate that he wasn’t gay and flirting with the world’s most gorgeous man. He was leaning over the counter, propped up on his elbows, with his hip popped. His fucking hip was popped. No straight man would even know that his hip could pop. The permanently loved-up look on his face probably wasn’t helping. 

How the fuck was he going to deal with Mitch Marner, the nosiest man in the world?

“Mitch!” Play it cool, Matthew . “What brings you here?” He didn’t think he had ever sounded as awkward as he just did, like, it was so obvious that he’d been caught doing something that Mitch wasn’t supposed to see. Anything to take the topic of conversation away from him and focus it on Mitch was a good plan. 

“You’re always raving about the pear strudels here,” curse his adoration for Joseph and his baking. Evidently, he found it hard to keep his mouth shut, “so I thought I’d come to check it out and see if it's just as good as you always say it is.”

Mitch was a terrible liar. Matthew hadn’t forgotten his threat from a few weeks prior to find out what was really going on with him. It was so painfully obvious that he was snooping, but Matthew couldn’t exactly tell him to go away without proving Mitch’s suspicions, and Joseph was too nice to say anything about the whole situation, mostly because he wasn't a hundred percent sure what was going on between Matthew and his teammate. 

Not wanting to interrupt the rather intense conversation that he could see the two having with their eyes, but also not wanting to give anything but the best customer service, Joseph flashed his signature heart-melting smile. “Well, in that case, welcome in! What can I get for you?”

Matthew knew that this was going to be a long day as soon as Mitch sauntered past him with the biggest shit-eating smirk on his face. He really had to introduce him to Jeremy and Jake. They’d get along like a house on fire. They would also probably actually set a house on fire if they were left unsupervised for long enough, so maybe it was for the best that they weren’t friends. 

“Well, I’m thinking of going for something sweet,” he pondered over his options, “but I’m not too sure what.”

Now it was Joseph’s time to shine. He did what he did best and once again suggested the exact thing his customer wanted. 

“Maybe this?” He gestured over to the tray of funfetti cupcakes that had Mitch’s name all over them. 

“I knew Matthew liked you for a reason,” Joseph’s eyes went wide as they locked with Matthew’s slightly panicked gaze “You’re good at this. I’ll take two! My wife’s going to love this.” Despite making his mission of figuring out what was going on with Matthew glaringly obvious, Mitch sure was easy to distract with the promise of a funfetti cupcake. It was one of his finer qualities. 

It was nice to see that Joseph’s boyish smile could charm just about anyone. “Two funfetti cupcakes coming right up!” It was moments like these that Matthew realised just how hard he was falling for Joseph. He knew that they were going to have to seriously talk about it at some point soon, but as usual, he was going to put it off until it was really necessary. “Is that everything for you today?”

“Yup!” He popped the ‘P’. “These look really really good! Did you make them?” 

A chuckle. “I did! It’s my new and improved recipe, so I hope you and your wife enjoy them.” 

And of course, Joseph being the world’s sweetest person, he just had to tell Mitch to come back in at any time and let him know what they thought. The best thing about Matthew watching this entire interaction was being able to see how genuinely good Joseph was. He wasn’t putting on this happy-go-lucky customer service front at all. He truly was just the most kind-hearted person Matthew thought he had ever met. There wasn’t a single bad bone in his tall, well-toned body. 

Matthew could have listened to Joseph nerding out about the whole baking process of his funfetti cupcakes all day. He would happily listen to Joseph describe white paint drying on a completely smooth wall if it meant being able to listen to his voice all day. 

“Oh I’ll be back, don’t you worry.” Mitch grinned as he paid for the cupcakes. Matthew really would never experience peace for as long as his teammate was around. “It was nice meeting you…” He trailed off, only wanting to confirm his suspicions that this was the famous Joseph that Matthew never stopped walking about.

“Joseph.”

“Well, it was lovely to meet you, Joseph.” Mitch’s smile transformed into a grin as he turned to face Matthew, once again thanking Joseph for the cupcakes. 

“Don’t go thinking you’re off the hook, Kniesy,” “you’re just lucky that I need to get these home to Steph before I eat them both. I’ll figure you out one way or another.” Mitch, despite being the most excitable puppy a man could possibly be, was able to be weirdly intimidating when he threatened people. His eyes shifted between Mathew and Joseph. It was plainly obvious, even to Mitch, that there was something going on between the two. 

Matthew had almost thought they had gotten away with not being overly in love with each other during Mitch’s visit, and they had so nearly made it through the whole ordeal, but right before Mitch turned to leave, the penny dropped. His eyes widened slightly, realisation flooding across his face. 

“Oh.”

Chapter Text

Joseph Woll was one of the most level-headed people you could ever meet. Don't believe me? Ask literally anyone who has ever known him and they will tell you it's true. But when it came to being gay and falling head over heels for a closeted NHL player, he was an absolute trainwreck. 

It was very rare that you would see him stressed, so the fact that Joseph had spent the last forty-five minutes pacing the length of his living room certainly was a sight to see. He hadn’t thought that it was possible to have so many thoughts at once.

How were they going to work it out? Would they tell their friends? What if people said horrible things to Matthew? What if he became an even bigger target on the ice than he was before? What if dating him ended up hurting Matthew? Joseph would never be able to forgive himself if something he did caused Matthew pain. He couldn’t bear the thought of hurting Matthew. 

The only thing that was able to bring Joseph back to the present was the accidental kicking of his latest Lego project, the Chewbacca model that his family had bought him as a birthday present. The rush of panic that hit him like a tsunami was definitely not good for his already racing heart. In a way, the almost-destruction of the Lego model he had spent weeks building was a good thing. It distracted him. Took his mind away from the looming problem of how the fuck he was supposed to date an NHL player, even if it was for just a brief moment. 

It wasn’t even just how they would make their relationship work, though. Dating an NHL player wasn’t easy even in the best of situations. Which they were nowhere near being in. There was absolutely nothing normal about being a gay man who was almost dating a closeted rookie in the NHL. Not that there was anything wrong with being closeted, but he had no idea how he was going to be able to tell people he was in a relationship without them finding out who his partner was. Was this going to be too much for him? For them?

All those nagging thoughts refused to subside as he went to bed. There was nothing quite laying awake until four hours before he had to be up for the day ahead spiralling about every single possible thing that he could say to Matthew, and what Matthew was going to say to him. If he didn’t stop thinking in the next five minutes, he was going to scream. That’s the one thing Joseph really disliked about himself; he rarely worried, but when he did, it literally consumed him until he broke. 

Joseph couldn’t quite remember what time it was when he finally drifted off into a sleep that was equally as restless as he had been ever since he found out about Matthew, but when he woke up, he felt terrible. He was one of those people who made it a routine to be in bed and asleep before it hit eleven. Partly because he always felt better after getting a night of sleep that no longer resembled the absolute disaster of his college sleep schedule, and partly so he had an excuse for ignoring any late-night messages that always meant trouble that people would send him from time to time. 

As much as he would have loved to switch off his alarm, roll back over, somehow wrap himself up even tighter in his sheets, and go back to sleep, he also had a job. A job that he had to be at sooner than he would have liked. To say he was groggy was an understatement. Joseph had absolutely no idea how he spent so many years of college running on three hours of sleep, a crippling caffeine addiction, and something that resembled a dream if you tilted your head and squinted. 

After moving through his usual morning routine still in his half-asleep state, he pulled his lucky jumper from its hanger and over his head. People often told him it was silly to have a lucky jumper, but every time he wore the ever-so-slightly threadbare jumper that he had found lying in the corner of a thrift shop rail a few years prior, good things always seemed to happen to him when he wore it. And if Joseph’s current mood was anything to go by, he really fucking needed something good to happen to him.

The journey to the bakery was typically an enjoyable one, but the growing pit in Joseph’s stomach was making him, for the first time in his life, dread going to work. He hated it. He hated feeling like he was ungrateful for being lucky enough to be able to do something that he found so much joy in as a job. He knew that there were so many people out there who hated what they did for work, and Joseph did not want to become one of them. 

Five more minutes. 

Five more minutes of wallowing in self-pity and then you’re going to put on a brave face, walk into that bakery, and get a fucking grip. 

He tried his best, he really did, but that constant nagging thought of having to have a more serious conversation with Matthew stayed with him the whole day. Joseph didn’t know what was worse: the fact that Matthew could break off whatever it was that they had going on when he came in, or the fact that he had such a busy schedule that he wouldn’t have the opportunity to visit the bakery until after it closed. That only meant that he would have to spend all day distracted, running through every potential conversation and its consequences in his mind. It sucked. It really fucking sucked.

Joseph couldn’t remember feeling this anxious in years. Matthew Knies really was going to be the death of him, and Joseph didn’t even mind.

The day dragged on like it had never dragged on before, and when the time to close up finally arrived, Joseph thanked God for getting him through the day. It's not like he had spent the whole day glancing up at the clock every five minutes, counting down the seconds until he would be able to see Matthew again. 

He definitely hadn’t spent a good ninety percent of his lunch break watching the video of Matthew’s fight back. And he definitely hadn’t found it to be the most attractive thing he thought he had ever seen. Like, why was watching someone throwing punches at another man in defence of his teammate so fucking hot? It's safe to say that Joseph had discovered a fair few things about himself that he hadn’t known about before. He would have to talk to Matthew about that at some point. 

Just when he thought he was about to completely lose his mind waiting for Matthew to show up, a gentle, yet very obvious, tapping of fingers on a window had Joseph all but snapping his neck to find the culprit. 

Speak of the devil. 

A grinning Mathew Knies, face almost smushed up against the window, was grinning right back at him. At least he had remembered just how much Joseph hated people touching the glass and marking it because of how much time he would have to spend cleaning them off at the end of the day. He remembered. 

“Matty!”

“Joey!”

They had taken to using nicknames to greet each other recently, both liking how they sounded as well as the very obvious advancement in their sort-of-relationship that it showed. 

“I missed you.” Joseph frowned. Matthew chuckled. 

“I saw you yesterday?” Matthew had spent more time than he would’ve liked to admit sitting in the overly comfortable armchair in the corner the day before. It was like it had been put there to lure him in. He really couldn’t say no to Joseph’s face or the way the chair literally embraced him every time he sank down into it, so he wasn't about to complain about having both of them in the same place at once. All it meant was that he could watch Joseph go about his day helping customers and just being himself from the comfort of his very own designated chair. The lighting in the bakery perfectly highlighting the way Joseph’s muscles moved through his shirts wasn’t exactly something that he would complain about, either. In fact, Matthew thought of himself as very privileged to be able to witness that on an almost daily basis. 

“Exactly. That was yesterday. A whole day ago.” It was times like these that Matthew realised just how much he loved Joseph’s needy side that only ever came out when he was having a bad day. It was at that point that he took notice of just how tired Joseph looked. It was evident he hadn’t slept. The usual glint that found its way to his eyes every time they were together wasn’t there, his smile didn’t even reach his cheeks, never mind his eyes, everything about this was just wrong. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Mathew’s entire demeanour changed, no longer playfully teasing Joseph for missing him, and instead moving to stand in front of him. Close. 

The feeling of Matthew’s hands wrapping themselves around Joseph’s visibly lifted some weight from Joseph's shoulders. Matthew had never seen him like this before. “Seriously, is something wrong?”

Joseph could barely bring himself to look into Matthew’s eyes. He didn’t want to see the hurt that he had convinced himself would be there. 

A mumbled reply. One that Matthew couldn’t quite make out. “What was that?”

Joseph really didn't want to admit that worrying about their future had been the thing that kept him awake all night. “I’m scared.”

Seeing him this worked up, and now seeing that he was scared, made Matthew’s heart break for Joseph. They’d had the occasional slightly vulnerable moment with each other before, but nothing quite like this. 

“I’m scared of what would happen if we actually started dating.”

“Oh.” Matthew had never been too good with words, especially when confronted with a situation like this. It was all so new to him; he’d never had to think about openly being with another man before. It scared him too. 

“I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Matthew simply being there with him, in that moment, opened the floodgates. Every single pent-up thought and worry that he’d had in the last twenty-four hours spilled out, and Joseph had never felt so out of control. “What if people find out about you before you’re ready? How would we make it work? Do you even want to date me? Would you even want to tell anyone?”

To say the realisation that Joseph had kept this to himself hurt Matthew. It really fucking hurt. And if he thought what he had just heard was bad, he was absolutely nowhere near prepared for what came out of Joseph’s mouth next.

“What if someone hurts you?” Barely a whisper. 

And with that, Matthew’s heart actually broke. Like, he genuinely felt it break in two Joseph wasn't worried about himself in their relationship at all, he was only worried about Matthew. Joseph really was too good. So good that it became a fault. 

All of Joseph’s worries and more echoed through Matthew’s mind, but none of them could drown out the one thing that scared Matthew the most. 

What if I do something I can't take back?

It was all too much for him. Joseph’s endless worries, the noise in Matthew’s mind, everything. 

He did the only thing he could think of to make it all stop. 

He cupped his hands around Joseph’s increasingly reddening cheeks and kissed him. Matthew Knies was kissing Joseph Woll. 

And the world stopped. The worrying stopped. Joseph felt like his heart had stopped. 

There was no need for Matthew to be afraid to kiss Joseph, they had been waiting long enough for it to happen, but for some reason, there was still a nagging what if at the back of his mind. What if Joseph didn’t want this?

But any doubts that Matthew would have had didn’t even have the chance to fully form in his mind because Joseph kissed back. 

Joseph was kissing Matthew back. 

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

This was definitely the best day of Matthew’s life.

It was at that very moment that Matthew knew he had a future with Joseph. Not to sound cliche, but there really was a spark. And it felt electric. He didn’t think it was possible for anything to feel so natural. So normal. But they fit together like the final missing piece of a jigsaw that had been found after being lost for years. It felt so, so right, and Matthew loved it. 

Even if it had only been one kiss, Matthew had committed every single second of it to memory. A memory that he would never forget. The way Joseph melted into the kiss didn't go unnoticed, either. Matthew could physically feel the tension in Joseph’s shoulders drain away as his slightly flour-dusted hands made their way up to the nape of his neck to play with Matthew’s hair. He could definitely get used to this. The feeling of Joseph’s fingers in his hair was as domestic to him, as though it had been a part of their kisses for as long as he could remember. It was their first kiss, and Matthew hoped that it would be the first of many. 

As if the moment couldn’t get any better, Joseph responded to the gentle smoothing of Mathew’s thumbs across his cheeks, and the way that he took a loose strand of hair and tucked it behind his ear, with a giggle that had his entire body shaking as he rested his forehead against Matthew’s. 

“That was nice.” 

“Is that really all you have to say?” Oh, how he loved Joseph. “We just kissed and you thought it was … nice?” Joseph was about to be the absolute death of Matthew.

“You know what I meant,” the vibration of Joseph’s chuckle sent shivers down Matthew’s spine. They really were stood there, so close together, Joseph still playing with the ends of Matthew’s hair. If it was possible to capture a moment in a bottle, he would have done it a hundred times over. “I really, really liked it.”

The silence that settled between the two filled their hearts as well as the whole room. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence at all, in fact, it was one of the most fulfilling silences either of them had ever experienced. It was one of those silences that held a hundred gentle kisses, a thousand 'I love you's, and a million lifetimes together.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” Matthew looked up at Joseph. Although he wasn’t that much shorter, the difference in their heights was perfect. More specifically, it put Joseph at the perfect height to press a soft kiss to Matthew’s forehead. 

“For being here for me.” Having Matthew there to calm his increasingly spiralling thoughts had meant more to Joseph than the two of them could ever imagine. Any doubts that he had previously had about dating Matthew were long gone. He knew what he wanted. He wanted Matthew. 

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” It was true, the only place Matthew wanted to be in that moment was with Joseph, pressed against the counter whispering reassurances into the crook of his neck. “I really hated seeing you like that. I know you wanted to look out for me, but there is nothing I want more than to be with you, and I will do anything to make it happen.”

Seriousness clouded Matthew’s eyes as he, once again, moved to cup Joseph’s face with his hands as their lips met once more. Kissing Joseph was intoxicating, and Matthew wanted an endless supply. This time, it was softer, more gentle, but it spoke volumes. That single, short kiss said everything that Matthew had wanted to tell Joseph since the very moment he awkwardly flirted with him over a pear strudel. 

A fucking pear strudel caused all of this. 

A million lifetimes felt like they had passed since then, and Matthew couldn’t imagine a single one without Joseph there by his side.  

“Joseph Woll,” here goes nothing , “will you please go on an official, real-life, non-bakery-related date with me?”

Matthew didn’t even get a spoken reply, just a flash of that smile that he loved so much, a pair of lanky, yet surprisingly toned arms wrapping themselves around his neck, pulling him closer than he believed was physically possible, and a kiss that put their previous ones to shame. He didn’t need an answer. He knew exactly what Joseph was saying. 

To say they were giddy when the kiss finally broke was an understatement. Matthew couldn’t stop grinning and Joseph was fucking giggling in the way he did that had Matthew’s stomach doing backflips. 

“I’m surprised it took you this long to ask.”

“Okay, no, I take it back. No date with Matthew for you.” He absolutely loved these little teasing moments that they had. 

Two can play at that game. “Fine then, but this just means no more Joseph kisses for you.” A playful smirk. The glint that Matthew had noticed Joseph’s eyes had been lacking not ten minutes ago had returned. Joseph was back. 

“Oh, I see how it is.” Matthew loved this side of Joseph. Relaxed. Happy. Just Joseph. 

“I’m only joking! Plus, I know you could never live without my kisses. You’d fold in an instant.”

Laughter that could only be described as euphoric erupted between the two. Was this what it was like to find your person? If it was, Matthew fucking loved it. 

“But seriously, before we do anything else I think we should talk about it with John.” Including Matthew’s much older captain in their relationship hadn’t exactly been on Joseph’s cards, but who was he to judge? “That came out wrong,” ah , “I mean like, he knows the league, so maybe he’d be able to help us out with how we do this.”

That did make sense. If Matthew trusted John, then Joseph did too. Plus, it couldn’t hurt to have someone there to talk to if things got tough. They both knew that none of this would be easy for them, so it would be nice to know they always had someone in their corner. Even if he wasn't the most experienced in the intricacies of a gay relationship with the guy from the bakery.

“Yeah, I think that would be good. For both of us. And, I really need to know what he thought about his cheese scone - I worked extra hard on those.”

And so, a stream of meaningless chatter and laughter led the two around the bakery as Matthew helped Joseph to make up for lost time and close the bakery for the day. It turns out that even the most mundane tasks were ten times more enjoyable when completed with someone you wanted to be around.

They agreed upon a provisional time and date for what Matthew decided would be a dinner with John, stood outside the now locked door with their chins tucked into their coats. The one thing Matthew hated about leaving the bakery was that they had to split off in opposite directions. He would walk to the ends of the world if it meant he could do it with Joseph.

Matthew could hear it in the silence. He could feel it on the way home.

He was in love.

Chapter Text

To say that Matthew was nervous for Joseph to officially meet John would be an understatement. It's not like he was worried that they wouldn’t get along, though. John had only had one conversation with Joseph and Matthew could already tell that they had his approval. It was John telling him that he thought Joseph was a “lovely young man” after he had helped him decide on that cheese scone, that John had already said he would definitely be back to buy more of, that confirmed to Matthew that the dinner they had planned was going to be just fine. 

The one thing that wasn’t doing anything to calm Matthew’s nerves was, to absolutely no one’s surprise, Mitch Marner. Something about the constant subtle, yet knowing, looks he had been receiving from his teammate ever since he’d had his sneaky and definitely unplanned visit to the bakery had Matthew constantly on edge. He didn’t think that Mitch would ever say anything in front of other people that could give him away or anything - no, he wasn’t like that. But to say the complete lack of, well, any words from Mitch was a little bit concerning. The guy never stopped yapping, and people were starting to notice his slightly odd behaviour towards Matthew. This is what he was worried about. Having Mitch accidentally drop hints that something was happening, without even realising he was doing so. 

There was only so much of this Matthew could take, and to say he had reached his limit would be an understatement. 

“Hey, Mitch?” Matthew had somehow managed to corner his teammate outside the locker room one day, noting the ever-so-convenient lack of other people gravitating towards him. “Can you knock it off?”

A confused look. A tilt of his head. 

“Those looks you’ve been giving me since you came to the bakery.” The realisation finally hit, and a soft oh left his lips. “It's making it a bit too obvious that there’s something going on with me, and I don't really want anyone to know about it just yet.” And could you blame him? Mitch knew he was gay, or at least bi, and he hadn’t even been able to tell him in the way he wanted. Matthew guessed that this was going to have to be something he got used to, having people find out like this, having no control over any of it. 

“It's not exactly big news though, is it?” Mitch, what the fuck? “You’re just getting help from him.”

Okay, now it was Matthew’s turn to be confused. “Help? What do you mean?”

“Your friend is helping you ask out this mysterious girl that you won’t tell any of us about.” He said it with such certainty as if it was obvious. Oh, how Matthew loved Mitch and the way his brain worked. 

Laughter erupted from his chest, and he couldn’t stop. Not even when tears started to fall from his eyes. To say Mitch found his reaction more than a little strange would be an understatement. 

“Oh my fucking god, Mitch,” he somehow managed to get out between breaths, “he isn’t helping me ask out a girl.”

“He’s not?” There he goes again, tilting his head in the exact same way that Zeus does. When people say that dogs look like their owners, they really did when it came to Mitch and Zeus. From their unusually high energy levels, to the way they could sleep for Canada, to the way they mirrored each other’s movements. Everything about them just made complete sense. 

Matthew didn’t know how much more of Mitch his sanity could take. Here goes nothing. 

“I’m gay, Mitchell.” Well, if there was some outlandish way that Mitch still hadn’t figured it out yet, he definitely had now. There was absolutely no way that Matthew could have been any more clear, yet somehow Mitch still looked confused. “I don’t want Joseph to help me date a girl, I want him to date me.”

“But Joseph’s a guy?” 

Mitch Marner was going to be the death of him, he just knew it. 

“Jesus fuck, Mitch.” If it was appropriate for Matthew to slam his head into the wall beside him at that moment, he would’ve done it a hundred times. “I’m going to give you ten seconds to think about what I’ve just said and process it, and then I’m walking away.”

The short silence between them ended with another painfully on-brand answer from his teammate. “Okay, now I’m thinking about it, everything does make a lot more sense.” He loved Mitch, he really did, but sometimes he could be so fucking dense. He didn’t know how Steph did it, but he had a lot of respect for her. “I did wonder why talking to your friend about your crush was such a big deal.”

“Well, now you know, but just don’t tell anyone yet. Only John knows, and I want to keep it that way.” And there it was again, the slight fear that Mitch could somehow accidentally let it slip to someone else. It wasn’t that he was afraid of what his teammates would say or think, he just really hated the idea of not being able to tell them on his own terms. He wanted to feel like there was something he could have control over. 

“You told John?” He couldn’t quite read Mitch’s tone. He didn’t sound hurt that he wasn't the first to know, but he didn’t sound overly enthusiastic about it at the same time. It’s Mitch Marner, the guy who always wears his heart on his sleeve. How was he so hard to read? 

“Yeah, he was the first person I told.” Matthew’s voice softened alongside his increasing confusion about the tone of the situation. He just didn’t want anyone to be mad at him for the choices he made. “It was actually on the first day you started being all suspicious and nosey about me.”

Silence. An acknowledging nod. 

“Can I come meet him again?” And cause even more chaos than before? It didn’t exactly take Matthew long to think up his ever-so-articulate reply. 

“No.”

“Booooooo! Why not?” Oh, Mitch, please never change. 

“Because you couldn’t even keep the fact that you thought I had a crush on a girl a secret.” It was a very valid point. After all, Mitch had spent every minute they were in the same room looking like he was holding his breath in the whole time. Matthew loved Mitch, he really did, but the man couldn’t keep secrets to save his life. He enjoyed yapping too much. There was absolutely no way it wouldn’t have come out one way or another. 

“Come on, Matty. Please!”

“You’re like the Tom Holland of this goddamn hockey team, Mitch. You can’t keep a secret to save your life.” It amused Matthew to see his friend like this. He didn’t know why he was asking permission. It wasn’t exactly like Matthew owned the bakery. He couldn’t stop Mitch from entering. Matthew didn’t think anything could stop Mitch, not when he really put his mind to it. 

“But I never actually said anything! That’s a big deal for me and you know it.” That was a good point. Technically Mitch hadn’t said anything, but that didn’t mean his actions hadn’t been some of the most obvious ‘I am hiding a secret and it is absolutely killing me’ that anyone in the locker room had ever seen. 

“It's a wonder you haven’t popped like a balloon yet.” And, as with most dogs, when they want something they know exactly the face to make. Zeus had mastered that face, and so had Mitch, apparently. Matthew cursed his inability to say no to dogs. And Mitch. 

“I’ll be nice, I promise!”

And then he caved. “Okay, fine. But you have to promise to be less…” he gestured up and down “bouncing off the walls.”

“I can do that. Totally. So, when am I meeting him again?” His enthusiasm to be a part of this relationship was weirdly endearing. Matthew could already tell that Mitch would never leave them alone when they were together; it would be like having a toddler who was experiencing a permanent sugar high if his current knowledge of Mitch Marner was anything to go by.

“Give it a few days, okay? He’s coming round to John’s tonight to kind of figure out how we actually do everything, so let us get that out of the way first, yeah?” It was as Matthew’s eyes softened the moment he started talking about Joseph and making sure he was okay that Mitch knew they were in it for the long run. Your entire demeanour doesn’t just change like that over someone unless they truly are important to you. “I don’t want to overwhelm him with it all.”

Matthew’s care for Joseph had never been so obvious, so much so, that even Mitch calmed down a little. It was infectious, almost. He’d only spent a grand total of five minutes in Joseph’s presence, yet seeing how much Matthew cared for him made Mitch feel protective. “I can do that. For you.”

“Thanks, buddy. I mean it.”

“I’ve always got your back, Matty. And Joseph’s.”

The rest of the walk back to their cars was filled with chatter and a few teasing remarks from Mitch. Matthew was mostly just concerned with when he could start making ‘that’s so homophobic’ jokes around Mitch. 

It was nice for Matthew to have someone else to talk to about it. Not that he was complaining about John, but he needed someone who didn’t think about everything like a dad. Plus, Mitch’s energy was always appreciated. Mostly because he found it so hard to contain his excitement that it felt refreshing. It felt just like it would feel for the rest of the guys when they started dating a girl. 

It felt normal.

Chapter Text

“I am not panicking.”

Usually that would be easy to believe. Joseph always kept a cool head and wasn’t a complete disaster. That was, until it came to Matthew. That was when he started to crumble. He just didn’t want anything to go wrong; it wasn’t every day that you get to officially meet your potential future boyfriend’s dad-away-from-home. 

“Joseph,” the tone of Matthew’s voice spoke volumes. Joseph’s internal panic was definitely not well hidden. At all. “You’re shaking and you look like you’re one tiny inconvenience away from a nervous breakdown. That doesn’t look like ‘not panicking’ to me.”

Okay, sure, maybe he was right. Joseph had no idea why he felt so nervous. It wasn’t as if he’d never met John before; he helped him pick out the most delicious cheese scone (not that he was bragging about his baking, but it was really good) and left what he thought was a relatively good first impression. 

Inhale. Exhale. Deep breaths, Joseph. You’ve got this. 

The whole point of going to John’s house was to reassure any worries that the two of them would have about being in a relationship, not to stress him out even more. Matthew had tried his hardest to stop Joseph from quite literally exploding, but even the feeling of his hands cupping his hopefully soon-to-be boyfriend’s face and the gentle kisses of reassurance he had pressed onto Joseph’s downturned lips weren’t helping. 

“Stop thinking.” Joseph was starting to stress Matthew out too. “I can practically see all your thoughts racing through that pretty little head of yours and if you don’t calm down I think they might get a speeding ticket.”

This earned a chuckle from Joseph, who continued to find the little jokes that Matthew used to calm him down even more endearing than usual. His heart always felt a hundred times lighter when he did this, so any jokes or attempts to settle his nerves were more than welcome. “Okay, okay. I’m trying, I promise. I don’t even know why I’m this nervous.” Matthew knew he really was trying to calm himself down from the way he was twisting his seatbelt between his fingers, completely unaware. That was one of the things that Joseph had a habit of doing when his mind was running away from him. He would pick up and fiddle with just about anything that he could get his hands on.

“I guess it's just that once we go in and talk about everything, it all becomes so real.” Matthew knew the feeling all too well. It wasn’t exactly a surprise to anyone that he felt this way. He’s already spoken to John about it, and his parents back home. No matter how much they had tried to reassure him, which he really did appreciate, they would never quite be able to understand just how scary it was for him. He was permanently changing how people saw him and opening himself up to a whole host of different reactions. The worst part of all of it was that he wouldn’t know who would react in which way until it was happening. Until it was too late. 

“And you know you’re losing control over how people think of you?” Joseph’s voice was quiet. Unusually so. 

It was as if Matthew had read Joseph’s mind. It was comforting to know that someone else understood; that his feelings were normal. Well, as normal as they could be in a situation like this. 

“Come on, Joey.” Another soft kiss, this time pressed on the tip of his nose. “Let’s do this.”

John must have been as anxious for this as they had been. They’d been sat in Matthew’s car for a fair few minutes before climbing out, but the second they looked over in the direction of the door, John was stood there with that slightly moose-like smile on his face that just screamed ‘this child isn’t biologically my son, but I’m still his dad’ and it was exactly what they both needed at that moment. It was so clear that he was, and would, do anything in his power to make sure that Matthew and Joseph would be happy and safe together. Even if he was sometimes a bit clueless. It's the thought that counts, right? 

After a slightly awkward greeting and a shuffling of taking shoes off on the porch, John ushered  Matthew and Joseph inside. Although they had sort of agreed on dinner, 3pm was also way too early for that, so they settled on coffee and some snacks. Seeing Matthew jump at the chance to have more of John’s fancy organic coffee, Joseph wasn’t going to say no to a cup of what Matthew had so often described as “liquid fucking gold”. 

John’s house was, like, really nice. It was exactly what you’d expect from him; spacious, well-decorated, and run by his three (technically five if you’re counting Matthew and Fraser) children. It wasn’t messy, though, just homey. It looked lived in. Just like the home that Joseph wanted for himself one day. 

They settled on the living room, deciding it was the least intimidating room in the house to have a conversation that Joseph couldn’t even decide how to describe. It wasn’t awkward, but at the same time it was. He couldn’t say he’d ever had to experience anything quite like this before. That didn’t mean that the small talk as they skirted around the elephant in the room wasn’t so incredibly painful. He did appreciate how much John was so clearly trying to make them comfortable, even if it wasn’t completely working. 

It had got to the point where even John began to find the small talk unbearable. “So you two want to like, date date?”

That was one way to break the ice. 

Joseph looked at Matthew and Matthew looked at Joseph. They didn’t really need to articulate a reply, not when they were both so clearly on the same wavelength about it. 

Matthew sighed through his smile, once again turning to look at Joseph. “Yeah, we do.”

“Okay, good.” That was the worst part out of the way. Now they just had to figure out what on earth they were going to do next. “Who else knows that you’re gay? Just so I can get an idea of the situation.”

“Well, there’s you two, Marns, and my parents.” Why did this feel like an interrogation of sorts? “No one else knows yet.”

“And do you want to keep it like that? Just a small group?”

“For now, yeah.” He’d clearly thought about coming out a lot. It's not like he’d hidden from Joseph just how anxious it made him to think about his teammate’s reactions. “I do want to tell the team at some point, though. I’m just not too sure how.”

“There’s no rush to do any of that. I can guarantee that they’ll all be supportive, but you don’t have to worry about telling anyone yet. That’s something for future Matthew to think about.” He turned to look at Joseph, who was already preparing himself for the questions he was about to face. “I don’t really know much about you, uh,” he wasn’t too sure what to actually say, “have you come out yet?”

Joseph couldn’t help but chuckle. He loved how well-meaning John was, even if his questions came out a bit awkwardly. It was the fact that he was trying that counted. The fact that he was there for not only Matthew but Joseph too. Someone who he’d only met briefly one morning. “Yeah. Most people know now. I kind of gave up on coming out to every single person, so people just find out when they find out with me, I guess.”

“I see,” he paused, thinking of what he was actually going to ask next, “and are you nervous about anything at all?” 

The question earned a snort of laughter from Matthew, who had witnessed Joseph’s slight mental breakdown in the car not twenty minutes earlier. “Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to laugh.” 

“He’s not laughing at you,” Joseph explained, not wanting to make John, who was so clearly trying his best to navigate a situation that he hadn’t even thought of before, “he’s laughing at how I was having a little bit of a moment in the car before we came in. I was nervous, to say the least.”

“You were?”

“Yeah,” to say Joseph’s cheeks flushed red would be an understatement, “I have a habit of spiralling a little bit. I don’t know, I guess I was just really nervous about this whole thing.”

“There’s nothing to be nervous about, Joseph.” That was the last thing John wanted. He couldn’t exactly say he’d had to experience anything like this before, but he really was trying to make it as easy and relaxed as possible for the three of them. “I’m just here to talk you two through any worries that you might have about being together. I’ll admit I'm not the most experienced at being a gay hockey player, but I know people who are, so I probably know more than you think.”

This time it was Matthew’s turn to interrupt. “Wait, there are gay players? Like, in the NHL?” He didn’t know why he was shocked by this. There were a lot of people in the league - they couldn’t all be straight. He supposed it was the shock of hearing someone like John, someone who had spent so long in the league, acknowledging that there were gay players that had suddenly made him overly emotional. 

There were others. He wasn’t alone. 

Without even having to look at Matthew, Joseph could hear the thickness in his voice that wasn’t there before. He could tell just how important this was for him. After so long of being afraid of what people were going to think, he suddenly felt that much more accepted. 

“Of course there are. There’s more than you’d think.” Matthew’s reaction left John slightly surprised. He’d assumed that Matthew knew that there would be other gay players in the league, even if they weren’t out yet. He hadn’t quite realised just how important even hearing someone else say it would have been to him, and it very nearly broke John’s heart. Obviously, he knew that it would make him feel more reassured knowing that there were others, but he’d never anticipated seeing Matthew look so small and scared right in front of him. “Everyone knows not to tell anyone about them unless they’ve said that they’re okay with it. People are generally really supportive no matter what team you’re on.”

The crushing feeling of isolation that had spent so long resting on Matthew’s shoulders and weighing him down had lifted. There were other people who understood exactly how scared he was feeling. He wasn’t the only one who had felt like this at some point during their life, and he wouldn’t be the last. 

Joseph’s fingers intertwined themselves with Matthews, issuing a gentle squeeze of reassurance to his boyfriend. Boyfriend? Almost boyfriend? He didn’t exactly know what they were using to define their relationship. All he knew was that Matthew was his.

His Matthew. 

Joseph could get used to that. 

If John had had any doubts about Joseph and Matthew working out in the long run, they all but disappeared at the sight of this. Joseph didn’t need to say anything to show Matthew that he was there for him. Such a simple, silent act of reassurance meant more to Matthew than he thought anyone would ever know. 

“ Oh .” It came out no more than a whisper. 

“So, how exactly would we make it work?” “Like, do we have to tell anyone? Or is it something that we can keep to ourselves?”

“You don’t have to tell anyone at all. It’s no different to if someone entered a relationship with a woman.” “Your private life is yours, not the team’s.”

“Okay, that’s good. I don’t know about you,” Matthew turned to look at Jose[h, “but I want us to be able to work out all the bumps and get through the start of this together. No interruptions, just us.”

“Yeah, that sounds like what’s best for us.” Joseph chimed in, not realising how quiet he’d been as he observed the dynamic between John and Matthew. He knew that Matty had called John his dad on multiple occasions, but he’d had no idea that this relationship ran quite as deep as this. It was so clear just how much they cared for each other, and it made Joseph so happy ti know that he had someone he could rely on like this, so far away from his family. 

They talked for hours, about the ins and outs of how they were going to make their relationship work as well as pretty much anything that found its way into Matthew’s mind, and they could have talked for many more. It was so nice to just talk, and laugh, and joke. No pressure to be someone he wasn’t, no need to hide his adoration for Joseph. Matthew finally realised that this is what people meant when they said that the people you choose to be your family truly will love you unconditionally as if you were related by blood. 

“Well, boys, as much as I have loved having the two of you over, we do have an early practice tomorrow.” That was definitely John’s not-so-subtle way of telling them that he needed time to unwind and not be surrounded by two young people talking about their relationship. Matthew might not have been the best at picking up on when hints were being dropped, but even he saw this one clear as day. 

Matthew laughed at John’s attempt to rid himself of his son away from home and his boyfriend. “Don’t worry, JT, we’ll get out of your hair now.”

They once again shuffled around each other to find their shoes, only this time the moment was much less awkwardly anxiety-ridden than it had been a few hours earlier. 

Somehow, using his Ultimate Dad Powers, John had managed to pull Matthew aside. Just for a brief father-son chat. Even Joseph realised what was going on before Matthew did. 

“I’m really happy for you two, I mean it.”

“I’m really happy too.” Matthew smiled, still half thinking about Joseph. “I’m glad we had this talk today. I feel a lot better and I know Joe does as well.”

“Now, I know I’ve not seen the two of you together much, but don’t let him go. He’s special.” 

“Oh trust me, I know he’s special.”

“No, I mean it, Matthew.” And he was back to his usual, ever so stoic self. “He looks at you like you hung every star in the sky, just for him. And you look at him like he put the moon there, too.” 

That was a sentence Matthew never thought he’d hear come out of John’s mouth. Not that he was complaining. It meant that someone else saw just how deeply they cared for each other already. Just how special their love was. “That's because I know he would if he could.”

John just smiled and squeezed Matthew’s arm to show exactly how he felt. He wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that. He knew they were going to last. 

“We have just kind of left Joe out there by himself…” Matthew trailed off, suddenly realising what they’d done.

“Ah, yes. We have.” John had three very young children, so he was going to have to get this father-child relationship talk down to a T. But he had time. He had Matthew. 

They said their goodbyes, and Joseph agreed to make sure Matthew picked up some cheese scones for John the next time he was in the bakery. It was nice for John to watch them walk down the driveway to Matthew’s car, hands swinging and laughter echoing all the way back to fill the porch. He was proud of them, of course, but he was also very proud of himself. He’d not done anything like this before, but it had without a doubt been a success. 

John didn’t want to linger and watch them as they left, but he was also slightly nosey, despite what most people thought. And his nosiness did not fail him this time. The sight of the two of them stood by Matthew’s car, smiling at each other, just about made his heart burst. They were so unapologetically themselves in the way they interacted with each other. 

In fact, he very nearly jumped for joy when he saw Matthew’s fingers running through Joseph’s hair as he pressed a kiss to his lips. It was only short, but it spoke volumes. It said everything that they needed to say to each other in that moment. 

Their future looked bright, and this was only their beginning.

Chapter Text

It turns out planning a first date with a closeted NHL player was harder than you’d think. 

Now that they had finally had their chat with John and Matthew felt more reassured about the whole being a gay hockey player thing, the two of them were much less stressed and on edge. 

“So…” Matthew found himself sitting on the counter in the bakery’s break room, swinging his legs as he smiled over at Joseph, “our first proper date?”

Joseph knew exactly what Matthew was hinting at and decided to have some fun with it. “Hm? What about it?”

Matthew could hear the shit-eating grin in Joseph’s voice alone. He loved it when he did this. “Oh come on, you know exactly what I mean.”

“I don’t think I do, actually, Matthew.” He finally turned around to face his finally official boyfriend

“You’re actually so annoying!” An exasperated sigh. When he’d first looked at Joseph, he would never have guessed just how much he loved teasing people like this. Something about his overly friendly face just threw people off and made them believe he was the sweetest person alive who could do absolutely no wrong. People who knew Joseph knew that this was the exact opposite of the case. He really knew how to annoy people, and he loved doing it, too. 

“You can say that again.” A voice interrupted them from the other side of the doorway, eventually followed by Jake, who was wrapped up in a winter coat and dusted with a slightly worryingly thick dusting of snow. “I’ve been saying that for years.”

“Oh, don’t you start.” Joseph saw the grins on both Jake and Matthew’s faces and immediately knew he was in for a long afternoon. “I’ve had enough of this from him.”

“Shut up, you love me.” Jake’s grin just spelled trouble, somehow even more than Joseph’s. 

“Unfortunately.” Matthew chuckled at Joseph’s confession. There was something about the way that the pair were so comfortable around each other; it was obvious that they had known each other for as long as they had. If anything, you’d think they’d been as thick as thieves since the day they were born. He so desperately wanted to have something like that with someone. A relationship so full of love that nothing could even come close to ruining it. And he hoped to God that Joseph would be that person. His person. 

“Come on,” Jake somehow managed to gracefully barge himself into Joseph’s side, sending a shower of cold, wet snow all over the previously cosy man, “your life would be so fucking boring without me. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.”

“I don’t think there is a nice way to call me boring, Otter.”

Otter? How the fuck did Jake earn the nickname Otter?

Matthew’s confusion at the ever so slightly bizarre nickname must have shown on his face more than he had intended. “His last name is Oettinger, so it just kind of made sense.”

“Ah, okay. That makes sense now you mention it.” 

“Don’t worry, I don’t have a weird story involving an otter that landed me the name.” The thought of the list of endless things that Jake could have done to earn his nickname made everyone laugh. All of them were outrageous, and every single one was still entirely possible. “No otters were harmed, I promise.”

“Will you stop being a little menace for five fucking minutes and go do what you’re paid to be here for?” Joseph playfully shoved Jake, who had managed to create a little puddle of now-melted snow on the floor. “You’re such a pest.”

“Booo! You’re so boring. Can’t a girl have fun?”

“Go!” Joseph’s giggle as he shook his head made Matthew feel all kinds of things. He pushed Jake’s taller frame towards the door, arms catching Matthew’s eye as he moved. Something for him to think about later on, for sure. 

As much as Matthew would have liked to get away with checking Joseph out as much as he did, it was just never going to happen. “Hey, you.” Joseph trailed off, smirking mostly to himself about how he had one hundred per cent just caught Matthew off on another planet as he stared. “Everything okay over there?”

At this point, Matthew just had to own it. He wasn’t going to deny the fact that he was checking Joseph out. Just look at the guy, he’s absolutely gorgeous. He was checking Joseph out and he was proud of it. “Oh, everything is more than okay over here.”

“You want a date with me that bad?” They were both having way too much fun with this.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.” By this point, Joseph had made his way across the room and slotted himself between Matthew’s legs, leaning over as he placed his hands on either side of his boyfriend. 

“Hmm,” he pressed a kiss to Matthew’s nose, “well if you decide that you do, I know a really good restaurant with the world’s best carbonara. I just know you’ll love it.”

Matthew felt bad. Like, really bad. He so badly wanted to go to this restaurant that Joseph so clearly loved, and he was so grateful that he’d wanted to share one of his favourite places with him, but that nagging thought of what if someone saw them was still at the back of his mind.

Matthew’s change in demeanour must have been more obvious than he had thought as Joseph practically felt him deflate. “We don’t have to do Italian if you don’t want to,” okay, now he felt even worse, “that’s not a problem. There’s a steakhouse that I really like as well if you’d prefer that?”

“It’s not that,” he sighed as he moved to rest his head on Joseph’s chest, “I’m just worried that people will see us. Not that I don’t want to be seen with you, god, if anything I never want to be seen without you. I’m just worried that someone will see us and find out it's a date. What if it gets out? I’m not ready to go through all that yet. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Joseph’s fingers tilted Matthew’s head up to look at him, “you have absolutely nothing to apologise for. Absolutely nothing. I should’ve thought about that before I suggested we go out.”

“But I feel bad. I know you want to go to all of these places with me, but I just can’t. Not yet anyways.” 

“I’m not having my boyfriend feeling sad about what we do on our dates. Absolutely not.” It felt so, so good to finally call Matthew his boyfriend. The only time he would ever stop would be the day he gets down on one knee and asks to call him his husband. “Who said we had to actually go somewhere? It just costs money that I really don’t need to be spending. We can make other plans, okay?”

Matthew needed to know how Joseph managed to always know the exact right thing to say. There was never a single instance where he ever made you feel bad for something, regardless of whether it was in or out of your control. He’d always manage to find a solution, and his solutions usually ended up being better than the original idea. 

“I know it sounds stupid, and we totally don’t have to because I know you spend your whole life baking, but do you think could we bake pear strudels together?” 

It was true, most people who spent their lives working in a bakery wouldn’t want to go home and bake even more, but not Joseph. He loved very few things as much as he loved baking (his love for Lego could never be topped). It was the one thing he knew he was actually consistently good at, so to be able to share it with his boyfriend meant more to him than he thought Matthew knew. 

“I would love that, honestly.” It meant a quiet night in, comfy clothes, the joys of homebaked treats, and time with his boyfriend where they could completely unwind and just be themselves. “If it means I get to watch your abysmal attempts at baking then I’m down.”

“Okay, that was mean. I can bake…” he trailed off, not exactly convincing Joseph of his claims, “as long as box mix cupcakes when I was like ten counts.” And there it was. Matthew could bake in the same way that Joseph played professional hockey. In his dreams. 

“Even more of a reason to bake with you.”

“Plus it means I get more pear strudels.” Which wasn’t a lie. It would just mean he had more strudels to take home and snack on, maybe offer one to John and the rest of his family. 

“Oh, okay, I see how it is. You’re using me for my baking. All I am to you is a pear strudel machine.” Joseph’s voice was dripping with mock offence. “I knew you were too good to be true.”

“Come on, you’re just being annoying now.” The laugh that Joseph loved so dearly was back. He’d successfully taken Matthew’s mind away from worrying about being spotted and that was all that mattered. 

“Okay, fine, fine. We can absolutely bake pear strudels together.” A quick glance at the clock on the wall told Joseph that he was due to get back to work before too long. “Are you free tonight?”

Matthew had to hold himself back from over-enthusiastically jumping at the chance. “I just might be…” 

“Perfect! We can go pick up everything we need from the store on the drive home?” Although it was something so small, Matthew couldn’t help but feel his heart swell at the sight of Joseph shuffling around to carry out various little tasks, more often than not just to keep himself busy. 

“Sounds like a plan.” Matthew followed his boyfriend out to the front of the bakery, settling himself in his favourite armchair as usual as he picked up the book he’d been working his way through for the last few days. It was one of Joseph’s favourites that he’d lent him; a tattered paperback, pages worn with love. The entire book just embodied Joseph. Visibly well-loved, but in a way that you could still tell that it was well taken care of. It was treasured. And also surprisingly interesting. Matthew hadn’t taken himself as much of a historical fiction guy, but it was safe to say that he was enjoying this one much more than anyone had expected him to. Partly because it was a genuinely good book, and partly because he knew it was one of Joseph’s favourite books.

The rest of Joseph’s shift sped by, the excitement of their date powering both of them through the long afternoon. Matthew was so lost in his book that he didn’t even realise that Joseph was waiting for him until he felt him lean down and press a kiss to the top of his head, mumbling a few unintelligible words into his hair. “Hm?”

“I asked if you’re ready to head off?” For the millionth time that day, Matthew’s heart did a flip as he saw Joseph all bundled up in his hat, scarf and ginormous winter coat that made him look oh so toasty warm. The December Toronto weather was absolutely no joke. 

After hurriedly finishing the remains of his coffee and wrapping himself up in his coat, they headed out to Joseph’s car and spent the duration of the drive, traffic included, putting together a list of ingredients that they needed to buy. Matthew found himself promising Joseph at least three times that he would make sure they stuck to the list. It turns out that as organised and seemingly well put together as Joseph appeared, he was a sucker for buying himself a little treat from the store when he saw anything that wasn’t on his list. 

–

Going shopping with your partner for the first time was such a simple, yet intimate thing. Matthew followed Joseph around the store, watching his boyfriend unravel the inner workings of his mind in the form of how he shopped; the order he went down the aisles in, the way he would pick something up, put it down again and then run back half way across the store when he eventually decided that he did in fact need it after all, but most importantly the way that he made sure to include Matthew in any decisions they made by asking for his opinion despite his ever so obvious lack of knowledge about what half of the ingredients even were. 

Surprisingly, they managed to make it back to the car with everything on the list. A feat that didn’t happen often for Joseph. They were always out of at least one thing that he needed, and it was usually the most important thing on the list. Matthew chalked it down to good luck, Joseph claimed that it was because he had Matthew there with him. 

Thankfully the drive back to Joseph’s apartment wasn’t too long. It was fairly quiet, filled with the occasional question about how practice was going, or what Matthew had thought of the most recent chapter he’d read. They enjoyed their time together at the bakery, but they loved this even more. Just existing in each other’s presence. 

Joseph felt weirdly nervous for Matthew to see his apartment. It wasn’t messy or anything - he liked to keep everything tidy. But his apartment was his own space that he had spent the past year decorating to perfectly mirror exactly who he was. Organised, cosy, and full of character. 

Matthew hadn’t known what he expected to see when he followed Joseph through the door, but what he saw was somehow even better than anything he had imagined. It was spacious but cosy. There wasn’t a single surface that didn’t have something on it, whether that was a framed photo of Joseph and his family, various Lego creations, or a stack of strategically placed books. Not to mention the three large Star Wars posters that he had framed and hung up on the living room wall behind his couch. Everything about it screamed ‘Joseph’. 

This wasn’t an apartment, it was a home. 

It was exactly what Matthew wanted to be able to come home to one day.

A quiet “Ta-da!” could be heard from what Matthew assumed was the kitchen, judging by the appliances, cupboard, and kitchen island where Joseph had set their shopping down. “I still don’t have a coat rack, so just pop your coat wherever you want.” 

“I love your Lego.” And Matthew’s horrible attempts at flirting were back, and Joseph absolutely loved it. 

“My prized possessions. They take up more of my time than I’d care to admit.”

“They’re so cool, though.” He wandered over to a rather large Lego Chewbacca that was sat on the table, clearly nearing completion, if the final two bags sat on either side if it were anything to go by. “This one has to be my favourite by far.”

“He’s my favourite too, I think. It’s taken me forever to actually get him finished, but I should get it done in the next few days.” The way his face lit up when he spoke about Lego made Matthew want to kiss him right then and there. He looked so happy, and Matthew loved it. 

On their way over to the kitchen, Matthew found himself looking at each and every picture that Joseph had on display. He clearly loved his family so very much. There was one photo in particular that caught his eye, though. It was of what appeared to be a high school-aged Joseph, decked out from head to toe in goalie gear. He’d played hockey? As if he couldn’t be any more perfect. “Hang on, you’re a goalie?”

“Was,” the all too familiar look of ‘I miss playing hockey so fucking much’ had found its way onto Joseph’s face, “I was a goalie. I played through college, but not anymore.”

Matthew didn’t know why Joseph had stopped playing, but he didn’t want to press for it too much. “You miss it?”

“More than I thought I would.”

“I mean, we could always rent some ice and practice if you wanted?” He hoped to god that Joseph had stopped playing because he was too busy and not because of an injury. If that was the case, then he had just fucked up big time. 

“I’m not very good, but that would be really nice actually. It's been too long.” 

“Joey, you played in college, you are definitely a good goalie.” He didn’t even have to watch him play to know that Joseph had one hundred per cent been the best goalie his college had ever seen. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

Matthew laughed at the blush that had spread across Joseph’s cheeks as he reached up ro ruffle his hair. “Aww, my little goalie.”

“Matty, I’m literally taller than you.”

“You’re still my little goalie.” 

“Shut up, you, we have pear strudels to bake.” Joseph didn’t want to admit it, but he actually really liked being Matthew’s ‘little goalie’. It just sounded so cute. 

The pair joked with each other on the short walk through to the kitchen where Joseph had already got everything ready and set out because of fucking course he had. Matthew hovered in front of the various ingredients and bowls, inspecting each and every one in an attempt to figure out what half of them were for. He was so far off in his own little world that he hadn’t noticed Joseph disappearing, or reappearing, in his search of an apron. 

“I’m assuming that I’ll be doing most of the really messy stuff, and I only have one apron for some reason. Will you be okay without one?” Matthew practically burst into tears as he turned round and took in the sight before him. His boyfriend, Joseph Woll, was standing in a white apron, covered in little red hearts, with ‘ KISS THE COOK ’ in big bold letters across the front. 

“Oh, that is brilliant. You look great, really.” 

“Blame Jake and Jeremy for this one.” He couldn’t help but smile at the sound of Matthew’s laugh. It really was something else. “They got it for my birthday the first year we moved here.”

He didn’t know what he found funnier, the apron or the fact that it definitely saw regular use, indicated by the various stains and marks on it. 

“I think it’s perfect,” Matthew made his way over to Joseph, definitely not trapping him against the counter and between his arms on purpose, “because it means I can do this.” And to absolutely no one’s surprise, Matthew did his favourite thing and kissed Joseph. Twice. And a third time “for good luck” - his favourite excuse. 

“Come on, you, stop distracting me. We need to bake at some point tonight.”

“But I like kissing you.” He pouted, full well knowing just what that did to Joseph. 

“You can kiss me as we’re baking, you know, it's not like you’re not allowed.” He made a good point. Kissing Joseph, watching him bake, and knowing he was getting pear strudels out of it? He wasn’t exactly going to complain about that, was he?

Baking with Joseph, well, watching Joseph bake, felt so comfortably domestic. It felt natural. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t helping out, either. Matthew discovered that he had a knack for weighing out the ingredients as well as leaning against the counter to admire his boyfriend at work.

“You look really hot when you bake.”

Another laugh that drove Matthew crazy. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before, but thank you.”

He passed Joseph another measuring cup of flour as he continued to happily watch him bake, clearly in his element despite spending most of his day baking as well. 

It didn’t take him too long, but Matthew did eventually start to follow what was going on, and he actually really enjoyed it. Joseph had given him the ‘big boy’ task of slicing the pears up to make the filling, and he thought he did a wonderful job of it. According to Joseph, they were “perfectly sliced” and deserved four whole kisses as a reward. He hadn’t seen the ‘kiss your boyfriend’ part in the instructions, but who was he to complain?

It turned out that Matthew very much enjoyed baking, as well as kissing his boyfriend, so they both agreed while they were waiting for the strudels to bake that they would absolutely, one hundred per cent be having baking dates more often. If anything, they were the perfect date; they could spend time with each other, eat very delicious food, and kiss each other as much as they wanted (or the recipe stated) without having to worry about being spotted. 

In true Matthew fashion, they had somehow ended up sitting on the kitchen floor, backs resting against the island, staring into the oven to keep an eye on the strudel’s progress. Matthew’s head was resting on Joseph’s shoulder and their hands were intertwined, Joseph’s fingers absent-mindedly playing with Matthew’s. “I’ve had such a good time tonight. Thank you for kind of teaching me how to bake, or at least letting me watch.”

“Any time, Matty, any time.” He pressed a kiss onto Matthew’s forehead again, so happy with the way everything was going for him in that moment. “I’ll make a baker out of you yet.”

Laughter from both of them filled the kitchen. It filled the apartment. One more way in which it felt like a home. Joseph’s apartment somehow thrived on happiness like this. Despite remaining physically unchanged, a space for Matthew had already carved itself out not only in Joseph’s apartment but in his life as well. 

Once the timer went off, they shuffled around each other as they tidied up as they waited for the strudels to cool down enough for them to eat. Matthew soon learned the layout of Joseph’s cupboards, watching as he organised them in his own slightly confusing way that still somehow made sense. They both appreciated the silence in the room as they cleaned, soaking in the domesticity of the situation. It was something that they could both get used to, something that they wanted to get used to. 

By the time the kitchen looked less like a flour bomb had hit it, Matthew had grown far too impatient to wait for the strudels to cool any longer. He accepted the inevitable burnt fate of his mouth as they both took a bite of their creation. “Holy fuck these are good!” He looked up from where he was sprawled across Joseph’s lap on the couch. It might have looked like an odd tangle of limbs, but it was surprisingly comfortable for the both of them. “Come here, you.”

Joseph grinned once more as he leaned into the kiss that Matthew was expectantly waiting for. “You’re gonna be the death of me, you know that right?”

“Gotta kiss the cook, no?”

Chapter Text

“I’ve missed this a lot more than I thought I had.” It was the first time in a good few years that Joseph had set foot, or skate, on the ice. He hadn’t realised it, but skating really was like second nature to him. He didn’t have to think about anything other than the countless memories that came flooding back to him from the moment he put his helmet on and stepped onto the ice. 

“You ready for this?” Matthew grinned at his boyfriend. There was something about seeing Joseph as a goalie that did something to him. There was something so attractive about it that Matthew couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“I’ve never been so ready.”

“Okay then, let’s see what you’re made of.”

It's not that Matthew had expected him to be bad, he kind of knew that Joseph would be good, but he was pleasantly surprised at just how good Joseph was. It almost made Matthew sad that Joseph had decided to stop playing. He would’ve loved to be on the same team as him.

“You’re going easy on me!” Joseph joked as Matthew shot another puck that never saw the back of the net. 

“You’re just too good for me!” Matthew laughed as he skated over to his boyfriend, who looked almost too attractive as a goalie. It actually drove him insane. He’d never had himself down as someone who was into goalies, but he definitely understood their charm now that he was stood face-to-face with one. 

Joseph, who was stood looking down at Matthew with the softest smile on his face, chuckled and lowered his voice. “I could never be too good for you.” He was so very happy about the fact that they were doing ‘couple stuff’ for once; out and about enjoying being in each other’s company rather than having to hide away at Joseph's apartment or in John’s basement. Joseph understood that they couldn’t have a normal relationship if he dated Matthew. They would have to avoid being too close to each other in public, just in case someone spotted them and said something. This was Toronto, after all. There was no way in hell that nobody would see them. 

“What's going on in that pretty little head of yours, Joey?” He hadn’t even realised that he’d drifted off into his own little world, staring down at Matthew with so much adoration in his eyes. “You’ve wandered again.” Joseph did have a little habit of doing that whenever he was around Matthew. He didn’t want to admit it, but more often than not he was thinking about their future together. Thinking about how, one day, he would be able to wake up to see Matthew’s face every morning. 

“Just us.” He paused for a minute, debating whether he should mention how much he enjoyed being together in public or not. “Just how I’m really enjoying today, being out with you like this. It’s nice.” He didn’t want Matthew to feel bad about any of it. Joseph knew that it wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t ready to come out to his teammates yet, never mind to the rest of the league and the public. And Joseph didn’t blame him, either. He would never experience it, but even the thought of coming out to a league that was so full of intolerance and hate made him feel uncomfortable. It was moments when he thought about it in this way that he truly appreciated just how brave Matthew was being. 

“Yeah, it is.” The silence that fell between the two wasn’t tense, but filled with longing. With the what-ifs and the endless list of date ideas that they both so desperately wanted to do together. “Do you want to go for coffee after this? Or hot chocolate if you’re not feeling up to caffeine.” In most situations, this would have felt like Matthew was suggesting this as a way of making up for the crushing feeling that he was letting Joseph down that tugged on his heart every time he had to see the slightly disappointed expression that flashed across his eyes every time he had to turn down a date idea. But this time it felt like a step. As if he really was trying to get out with Joseph a little more. Sure, he was pushing himself out of his comfort zone, but Matthew was also getting into his own head about it all. It wasn’t like it would be obvious that they were dating - two friends could go for coffee together. People do it all the time. 

“You mean it?” Joseph was hopeful. It meant a lot to him that Matthew really was trying. “Can we go to this cafe that I love? I just know it’s about to become one of your favourite places.” He didn’t want to focus too much on the fact that Matthew wanted to go out with him. He wanted it to feel natural, not like it was a huge deal (even though it definitely was). 

Matthew let out a fond laugh. “Yes, you can absolutely take me to your favourite cafe after this.”

“Thank you.” He pressed a gentle kiss to Matthew’s lips, making sure that he understood how big of a deal this was for Matthew. Letting him know how proud he was. “Now shoot some more pucks at me, Matty.”

Laughter filled the rink. “Shut up and get back to the net!”

To say Joseph was in his element would be an understatement. He genuinely didn’t think that he’d had this much fun in a long time. Hell, he hadn’t even thought he’d ever skate again, never mind practice as a goalie. He had spent so much time growing up playing and falling in love with the position, so having to stop after he graduated had really hurt. It was so nice for him to be back on the ice. HE felt at home, especially with Matthew there.

When they say time flies when you’re having fun, they really did mean it. Neither of the two had realised that their time on the ice had come to an end. In fact, they probably wouldn’t have had it not been for the collective gasps of a large group of what looked like eight-year-olds who had just realised that they’d walked in on Matthew Knies practicing. 

As soon as the gasps echoed around the rink, Matthew froze, slightly panicked as he looked over to see the now very excitable group of children. It was fine. Everything was fine. No one saw anything.

Joseph must have noticed Matthew’s hesitation, so he skated over to his boyfriend, making sure he kept his distance. “I didn’t even realise we’d been here this long. Too much fun, not enough time.” He glanced over towards the children, who were so fucking tiny , “You wanna go say hi to them?”

“I probably should, if that’s okay?” Matthew didn’t want Joseph to feel awkward about any of this. It’s not exactly every day your boyfriend just casually gets stopped because a group of tiny children all recognise him from watching him play hockey. Or in Joseph’s case, it actually was. 

“Oh my god, please do!” Joseph looked over at the giddy children, all stood waiting to get on the ice, with such fondness in his eyes. “They’re so tiny I think my heart is about to burst.” Whispered. 

Matthew laughed. Of course, Joseph finds small children to be the cutest thing in the world. He shouldn’t have expected anything less. “I won’t be too long.”

Joseph stood there admiring his boyfriend, who was, despite being six foot three, absolutely swarmed by the group of children that had surrounded him. As if Matthew standing there chatting away to the kids wasn’t sweet enough, he ended up crouching down so that he could speak to them at their own level. It was little things like that that sent Joseph’s head for a spin. It was like a little glimpse into what their future could look like - not that Joseph was already picturing having kids with Matthew or anything. No, that would be a bit soon. But it was definitely a nice picture to have in his mind. A little family. 

He did feel a little bit awkward just standing there on the ice by himself, so he made his way over to Matthew and hovered nearby, not wanting to intrude on the little moment that he was having with the absolutely enthralled children. 

A small voice captured the attention of both Joseph and Matthew. “You’re Matthew Knies!”

Matthew let out a soft laugh as he turned to the young girl who was looking up at him. “I am Matthew Knies, yes.”

“You’re a big famous hockey player, aren’t you?” She gazed up at him, wide-eyed.

“I guess I am a little bit.” Hearing someone so small call him famous made Matthew feel bashful almost. 

“I’m gonna be a big famous hockey player one day too! Just like you!”

“Oh, I know you are…” Matthew’s heart was practically about to burst, “And what’s your name Miss Big Famous Hockey Player?”

“I’m Emma! I’m gonna wear 57 for Toronto when I'm grown up!” It was so refreshing for Matthew to see someone so young be full of so much ambition. And it was possible for her now, with the recent announcement of the first PWHL game that was taking place only a few days later. Sure, it would have been possible before, but not at the level that it was going to be for girls now. 

“Well then Emma, since you’re gonna be the best hockey player in the world one day, would you be able to sign my stick, please? That way I can say we were friends before you were famous.”

Emma’s eyes lit up at Matthew’s request. She practically jumped at the opportunity, scrambling around to find a pen as she tried to think up how she would sign her name. 

“No one’s ever asked me to sign something before!”

“Well, it’s an honour to be the first person to ever have your signature. I’m going to treasure it!” Matthew grinned down at her as she scribbled her name, followed by a slightly lopsided smiley face, tongue sticking out in concentration. His eyes searched around for Joseph, landing on his boyfriend who was already smiling over at them, a fond look resting on his face. 

“All done!” Emma grinned up at Matthew, pride beaming from her smile. 

“Wow! Thanks, Emma! My teammates are going to be very jealous when I tell them you’ve signed my stick.”

“You’re gonna tell them?”

“Of course I am!” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He would definitely be telling the guys about this. It was too cute not to. Plus, he knew that Mitch would absolutely lose his mind. 

“Thanks, Kniesy! You’re the best!” She almost dived into a hug. Well, you couldn’t exactly call it a hug. It was more of a koala grip on Matthew’s leg. But he found it sweet all the same. There was something so special about talking to kids like this, they were the future of the sport, after all. 

Matthew hugged her back before she let go and skated away, turning around to wave at him one final time. He would have gone over to Joseph so they could leave, but he noticed a small goalie-shaped child making their way over to him instead. He’d been beaten to his own boyfriend by a child. Joseph didn’t even realise that he had a new friend standing by him until Matthew nodded his head as an indicator.

“Hello there…” Joseph greeted his fellow goalie. He wasn’t like Matthew in the sense that he had absolutely no idea how to approach small children in this sort of situation. He wasn’t a hockey player, he was just Joseph.

“You’re a goalie too!” It turns out that it would be a lot easier to carry a conversation than he had expected. That’s the one thing he loved about small children, they had absolutely no filter and would approach you to say just about anything. 

Joseph chuckled, leaning down to be closer to the tiny goalie who stood next to him. She couldn’t have been more than eight years old, and Joseph could already tell that she was just the sweetest soul he would ever meet.“I am, yes. You’re a goalie too?”

“Mhm!” He paused for a second, looking up and sizing Joseph up. The stare of an eight-year-old was oddly intimidating, Joseph soon learned. “Do you play with Kniesy?”

Joseph laughed. It was a compliment for him to be compared to an NHL player, for sure. “No, I don’t. I’m just his friend and we were practicing today.” Just his friend. Ouch. That hurt him to say a lot more than he had expected. 

“Oh, okay.” She paused for a moment, still looking up at him. “You’re nice. And you’re a good goalie. Can we be friends?”

He almost laughed at how blunt she was being. “Of course, we can be friends! All goalies are best friends, aren’t they?”

“Yeah!” She smiled up at him, happy to have made a friend. “I have to go now, but I’m happy we’re friends now!”

“Oh, bye..” He chuckled as she skated away, not entirely sure of the conversation that he had just had. How were small children so sweet, but so confusing at the same time? 

They must have stood there for another five minutes, Matthew signing various pieces of equipment and taking a few photos, and Joseph shuffling on his feet, slightly awkwardly, but in awe of his boyfriend. Being able to watch Matthew interact with the kids like this was something special, for sure. He was so good with them, always knowing the right thing to say or do. The kids loved him, too. He always made it a point to talk to everyone there, not wanting anyone to feel left out or excluded. If he could take an extra fifteen minutes out of his day to make other people happy, then he was the sort of person who would happily spend an hour talking to them. 

“Come on, you, let’s go get this coffee you’ve been telling me about.” Matthew bumped his shoulder into Joseph’s as they both chuckled on their way out, chatting away about just how “tiny and sweet they all were!” All it had taken was fifteen minutes, but Matthew soon learned that Joseph really liked the picture of him with kids. 

-

The silence in the car was once again a comfortable one. Their things were all packed up in the back of the car as they sat listening to whatever playlist Joseph had last been playing. It had been an eventful morning, to say the least. Matthew had asked about the reasoning behind Joseph calling it 'strawberries', but he had never actually been given an answer. Not that it was a pressing issue. It didn't really matter at all, he was just a particularly nosy individual. 

“Hey, Joey?” Matthew was the first to speak.

“Hm?”

“I think I’m gonna get my own place.” He loved living in the Tavares household, he really did, but he was starting to feel bad about the fact that he had Joseph over as much as he did. Not that John minded. He was just happy to see Matthew with someone who made him feel loved. But he wanted to move out all the same. “I just need my own space, you know?”

“I get that, don’t worry.” It wasn’t exactly a shock to Joseph. Before, it would have been fine for Matthew to stay at John’s house, but that was before he had a boyfriend. They wanted to be able to have lazy days on the couch without being interrupted by two small children constantly running around. They wanted to have space that was theirs. 

“I’ve never had to find an apartment before, though. Would you help me?” Obviously, John would give Matthew a hand with apartment hunting too, but it meant more for Joseph to help. That way he could find a space that would work for the two of them, not just Matthew alone. It was different when it came to Joseph’s apartment, though. His already felt like a home, whereas Matthew would have to make his feel like his place. 

“‘Course I will, Matty,” he reached over to grab Matthew’s hand, lifting it up to press a soft kiss to his knuckles, “we can start having a look when we get back to mine if you want?”

Matthew let out a breath that he hadn’t realised he had been holding. Or why. He had no reason to be anxious about Joseph’s response, but he guessed it was just because it felt like a big deal to him. It wasn’t like he was asking Joseph to move in with him, but he was still asking for help finding a space that would (hopefully) be theirs one day. 

“I’d love that, thank you, Joey.”

Chapter Text

It had become routine for Joseph to pick Matthew up from practice every Wednesday. They called it their ‘date day’. They usually spent the afternoon sprawled across the sofa in Joseph’s apartment and ended the evening off by cooking a meal together. Even when Matthew was away for a game, they would find time to facetime, if only for a few minutes, just so they could see each other. The only downside to the fact that he was now dating Joseph was the fact that it was becoming increasingly harder for Matthew to hide it from his teammates. It wasn’t exactly the best-kept secret, either. Not with Matthew walking around with a permanent smile on his face all of a sudden. He’d had a few questions from Willy and Auston, who had both suddenly decided to take an interest in his love life, or more importantly any recent developments that might have been the cause of his change in behaviour. 

This particular Wednesday had gone by in the exact same way as it usually did. It was a chilly morning, to say the least, so Joseph had been to buy them both hot chocolates to keep themselves warm on the drive home. Plus, Joseph knew how much Matthew liked hot chocolates, so he figured it would be a nice surprise for him to come back to. He usually went and sat in the car park to wait for Matthew to finish up at the rink so that they could head off straight away to “maximise boyfriend time” as Matthew liked to call it. Since he was a little bit earlier than usual, Joseph was blasting the heat, partially to warm up the car, and also to stop himself from freezing to death. 

The soft music and Joseph’s slightly tragic attempt at that day’s wordle found themselves interrupted by a phone call from Matthew. Which was weird considering he should have still been skating at that point. Immediately, Joseph knew that something was wrong. And that worried him. It must have taken him no more than a second to answer the call “Matty?”

“Joseph?” The voice on the other end of the line didn’t sound like his boyfriend, in fact, he didn’t recognise it at all. 

“That’s me,” the fact that someone else was calling him from Matthew’s phone caused more than a little panic, “is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine, well, not fine, but he should be if that makes sense?”

To say Joseph didn’t feel too reassured would have been an understatement. “What’s happened? Is it bad?”

“We don’t really know what actually happened, but he thinks he just fell badly. It’s his knee.” Now, anyone who has knees knows that hurting them in absolutely any way fucking kills . And doing it on ice skates automatically makes it ten times worse. “He said you’d be parked up outside?”

“Oh god, yeah, I’m outside now.” His phone was ticked between his ear and his shoulder as he shuffled around to move everything from his lap as quickly as possible without spilling their drinks. Joseph was just glad that he had tidied his car that weekend, as now there was space on the back seats to put everything and clear the passenger seat so that Matthew had somewhere to sit. “What do you need me to do?”

“Okay good, good. Could you come to meet us at the door? He can walk, but he just needs help.” 

“Of course I can.” He locked the car behind him. “I’m on my way over now.” He was trying not to panic, he really was, but this is Joseph we’re talking about, so of course he was panicking. They hung up the phone just after he set off walking and he was craning his neck as he approached the door, trying to spot his now-injured boyfriend. Well, secret boyfriend - he was going to have to be ‘just a friend’ when he got there and met Matthew’s teammates. Not that their relationship status was at the forefront of his mind when Matthew was injured, but the thought lingered nonetheless. 

There was a small huddle of four people not too far from where Joseph was now. They must have seen a slightly frazzled-looking man weaving through the various parked cars in their direction as they had all turned to face him and watch him approach the group. 

“Matty? Are you okay?” He barely acknowledged the rest of the group, all his focus on his boyfriend. “Does it hurt?” 

As soon as Matthew’s teammates saw the way that Joseph ambushed him with questions, suspicions were raised. As were their eyebrows as they made eye contact and gave each other a look . Bobby and Simon, who had found themselves with their arms around Matthew to help keep him upright, were intrigued, and rightly so, at the rather interesting dynamic before them. 

“It’s nothing serious, don’t worry,” he unconvincingly winced as he shuffled slightly to get more comfortable (if that was even possible), “it’ll be fine in the morning. I think I just need to rest it.”

“Good job we only had a movie planned then, hey?” Joseph chuckled in an attempt to relieve any tension, only realising what he had said in front of Matthew’s teammates, who were completely unaware of the situation at hand. The two of them realised what Joseph had said at exactly the same moment, their eyes widening in a more-than-slight panic. Joseph immediately tried to calm his nerves by reminding himself that friends can have lazy afternoons and cuddle and watch movies together. It was a very normal thing to have happen, right? 

They were both just going to have to laugh it off and act as though they weren’t both internally freaking out. “Oh, for sure.” It had taken Matthew until this point to realise that Joseph didn’t actually know who his two teammates were. Obviously, he’d spoken about them before, but they’d never actually been formally introduced to each other. It was going to be a slightly odd first meeting, but one that was going to have to happen either way. “Joey, this is Bobby and Simon,” he gestured at his two teammates, “you can put a face to a name now I guess.” 

“It's nice to finally meet you guys, I’ve heard a lot about you both.” Joseph sent a shy smile in their direction, a little nervous about making a good first impression.

“All bad I hope.” Simon jested. 

“Oh, terrible, awful things.” Laughter rippled through the group. 

“That’s what we like to hear, right Bobby?” From his grin alone, Joseph could tell that Simon was a troublemaker. They were definitely going to get along. 

“Absolutely.” Bobby agreed, smiling at the group. 

“Okay, I don’t want to rush this little introduction, but my knee feels like it’s about to explode and I would really like to get in the car sometime soon.” Matthew interrupted, slightly sheepish and not wanting to sound rude. He knew they would all understand, though, they’d seen the way he struggled to make his way off the ice less than thirty minutes earlier. As much as he was enjoying watching his boyfriend meet his friends, it turns out that standing on an injured knee for longer than was completely necessary did in fact hurt. A lot. 

“Oh, shit, of course!” It hadn’t even crossed Joseph’s mind that Matthew was injured and stood there trying to put as little pressure on his knee as possible. He had been so focused on making as good of an impression as possible that he hadn’t noticed the growing look of discomfort making its way across Matthew’s face. “Let’s get you to the car, okay? Then we can go home and get you rested up.”

Matthew, with the help of Bobby and Simon, managed to hobble his way over to Joseph’s car. He had offloaded his bags onto his boyfriend, who was happily chatting away to his teammates about how he used to play hockey, which they found interesting, although they weren’t surprised in the slightest about the fact that he was a goalie. Something about him “radiated goalie energy” apparently, according to Bobby. Joseph didn’t know whether he should take it as a compliment or not, but either way, he did. 

It took them longer than they would care to admit, and a fair few unplanned stops, but they eventually made it to Joseph’s car and got him sat down. He didn’t know it was possible to feel as glad as he did, but it somehow was. “I am never doing this again oh my god!” He joked, sighing in relief. 

“Well, if you can avoid doing it again, that would be ideal.” Joseph chuckled as he handed Matthew his now lukewarm chocolate and made sure that he was comfortable for the drive back to Joseph’s apartment. 

“You gonna be okay, Kniesy?” Bobby asked, still worried about the fact that his teammate could barely walk when they needed him so desperately in their next game against the Islanders. 

“Yeah, yeah I’ll be fine, don’t worry. Just an awkward fall, nothing more.”

“You sure you’re sure? It did look pretty rough.”

Joseph sat in the driver’s seat next to Matthew, blending into the background and observing the conversation taking place before him. It’s not that he didn’t want to join in, he just didn’t really know how. They’d progressed from checking in on Matthew to breaking down Keefe’s newly crafted lines of the day; something about them being interesting to say the least. He was quite content to listen in. He could sit and listen to Matthew talking all day, hell, he could sit in Matthew’s presence alone and feel content. He drank in Matthew’s presence as if it were sunlight on a frosty winter’s morning. Refreshing. Comforting. Familiar. 

They must have sat there for another ten, maybe fifteen, minutes, as Matthew had the occasional sip on his drink to keep himself (and his hands) warm. They hadn’t realised quite how long they had spent talking until John approached the car, greeting his teammates before turning to look inside the car. “How are you holding up, Matthew?” He nodded a greeting over to Joseph as he waited for a reply, “Nice to see you again, Joseph, it’s been too long.” 

It had been no more than a week, which said more about the relationship between John and Joseph than either of them was prepared to admit. He really did feel protective over Joseph, despite the fact that he hadn’t known him all that long. There was something about the fact that he was such a genuine person from the get-go that made him want to keep an eye on them both; make sure that they would be okay and had a support system in place. 

Matthew was thankful that people were making sure that he was okay, but he wanted nothing more than to be in his pyjamas on Joseph’s couch. “It’s painful, but I’m walking on it now, so I’ll be fine soon enough.” 

“Good, I’m glad. You gave us quite a scare today.” He knew that Matthew wasn’t being entirely truthful and that his knee was causing him considerably more pain than he would admit, but he also knew that Matthew didn’t want anyone to think he was weak. That was something that he wanted to work on with Matthew. He wanted to make sure that he knew it was okay to admit that he was injured. There was nothing worse than downplaying an injury and only making it worse, just because you were unwilling to take it seriously. 

Matthew chuckled, still slightly embarrassed about causing such a fuss, “I’ll be right as rain in no time, Johnny, don’t you worry.” This was most likely true. He didn’t believe that his injury was as bad as everyone believed. It was one of those things that you just had to walk off for the worst to be over with. Like a stubbed toe, but a hundred times worse. 

“As long as you’re sure.” His reply was ever so slightly laced with disappointment that Matthew was playing his injury down to be much less than it was. It was evident to everyone present that John was far from convinced. 

“You’ve met Joseph before?” Simon looked over to his captain. A look of something, almost curiosity, on his face. He could sense that there was something that he wasn’t being told, but he wasn’t quite sure of what it was. 

This question answered John’s wondering of how much Simon and Bobby knew about the nature of Joseph’s relationship with Matthew; they didn’t know. They might have had some suspicions from the way that Joseph had said, but they hadn’t said anything to confirm it. “We’ve met a few times, he works at a local bakery that I like to go to from time to time.”

Although Simon’s questions hadn’t been entirely answered by this, it would keep him at bay, at least for a little while until the focus of the group was still on Matthew’s injury. “Ah, okay, that makes sense.”

The chatter continued, John now involving himself in the conversations about training and what they were expecting from their next few games. It gave Joseph a chance to let the events of the last thirty minutes or so sink in. He had just met two more of his boyfriend’s teammates, although they didn’t know that they were together, and he had said some rather questionable things that certainly alluded to there being something more than friendship going on between the two. 

John must have noticed that Joseph had gone quiet and was drifting off into his own little world as he so frequently did. “Anyway, we don’t want to keep you guys out here in the cold for much longer. Especially when you should be resting your knee and keeping it warm.” He hinted at Simon and Bobby that they should probably leave Matthew to go about the rest of his day and make sure that he was getting the rest that he needed. “We’ll let you guys get off so you can make the most of this afternoon, it being Wednesday and all.”

“Thanks, Cap,” Matthew couldn’t wait to get back to Joseph’s apartment at this point. He was cold, tired, and in need of some painkillers as soon as was humanly possible, “it’ll give me a chance to boss Joey around for a bit.” 

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t realise how long we’d been standing here talking.” Bobby apologised. “Time flies when you’re having fun, and all that, no?” The group laughed at this, murmuring in agreement as they rounded up their conversation and said their goodbyes, wishing Matthew a speedy recovery and reminding him that he, under absolutely no circumstances, should do anything that could aggravate his knee any more than it already had been. 

“I’ll see you guys soon, yeah?” 

“It’ll take more than an awkward fall to get rid of me,” Matthew grinned, “you guys are stuck with me whether you like it or not.”

“We’re definitely stuck with you all right!” Simon teased, smirking at Matthew as he teased. 

The pair watched as Matthew’s teammates wandered off in different directions to go to wherever they had planned for the rest of the day. 

“And then there were two.”

“You’re such a fucking nerd, Joseph.” Matthew chuckled through a sigh of joking exasperation.

“You love it though.” He was right. Matthew really did love it when Joseph made the most stupid, awful jokes like the one he just broke their comfortable silence with. “You'd be so sad and miserable without me.”

“I hate to admit it,” Matthew teased, “but you’re right.”

“I always am.” The smug response from Joseph left grins plastered across both of their faces. They really did love teasing each other like this. “Now let’s get you home and rested up.”

Chapter Text

It only became apparent to Matthew that Joseph was an extreme fusser when he was actually injured and his boyfriend took to making sure that he didn’t move from his bed for the rest of the day.

“Honestly, Joey, I’m fine.” He chuckled as he watched his boyfriend make sure that he had enough pillows for what felt like the tenth time that hour. “If I need another pillow I can get it myself. They’re only in the cupboard.”

“I’m not having you putting unnecessary stress on your knee, dear.” To say that Matthew loved when Joseph called him ‘dear’ would be an understatement. It drove him crazy. There was something so endearing, so domestic, about it and Matthew couldn’t get enough of it. Although he hadn’t said anything in response yet, the blush that had spread across his face must have said more than enough because Joseph found himself chuckling at how suddenly bashful his boyfriend had become. “You alright over there?”

“You know how much I love it when you call me that…” Matthew trailed off, his cheeks heating up even more. “Makes me go all mushy.”

Another chuckle. “Oh, I know.” He grinned, clearly well aware of what he was doing. “I do also just love calling you dear, regardless of how mushy it makes you. Now come on, sit up I have more pillows for you.” 

“Where are you finding all these pillows?” Matthew questioned as Joseph somehow turned around with another two pillows in his arms. He didn’t think it was possible for one person to own so many pillows, but then again, this was Joseph so he wasn’t all that surprised. He did seem like the sort of person to own a hundred pillows just because. 

“You can never have too many pillows, Matty, trust me.” 

“Okay, okay, I’ll leave you and your army of pillows alone!”

“If you weren’t injured I would set my pillow army on you.” Matthew chuckled at the threat, picturing Joseph leading an army of pillows towards him. “Now sit still and get some rest. I’ll be back in a minute with some snacks.”

“You really don’t have to do all this, Joey, I’ll be fine.”

“Do you not think that maybe I want to look after you?” Okay, Matthew hadn’t considered that. He had just sort of assumed that Joseph worried like this about everyone because he wanted to make sure that they were okay. It hadn’t once crossed his mind that it was Joseph’s way of showing people that he loved them.  

Joseph had insisted that they have a movie marathon that afternoon. Matthew wasn’t supposed to do anything to place any additional stress on his knee until it felt right, and Joseph had been looking for any opportunity for them to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day, so an afternoon lazing around in bed very much suited the both of them. 

Netflix was open on Joseph’s laptop that had found itself resting on Matthew’s lap as he scrolled through the never-ending list of movies that they had said they wanted to watch at some point. No matter how long their list was, they always seemed to circle back to the same small group of movies that they would always watch when they couldn’t decide what to watch. As much as they loved watching these movies, Matthew didn’t think either of them could sit through another rewatch of Interstellar of Miracle for at least another week after just how many times they had watched them in the past few weeks. 

As the smell of freshly brewed coffee drifted through the open doorway Matthew smiled to himself. As much as he was teasing Joseph for fussing over him so much, it was nice to have someone really care for once. 

It had been a long day and Matthew knew that neither of them would want to watch anything too intense that required pretty much any level of concentration above what they usually worked at. It didn’t take him too long to settle on Set It Up. They both secretly loved cheesy rom-coms, and this certainly fit the bill. 

He hadn’t even realised that Joseph was back in the room until he heard him setting a mug down at the side of the bed. “I figured coffee would be a good start considering the day that you’ve had.”

“You know me so well, Joey.”

“What did you end up picking?” He glanced over at the laptop screen, giving a hum of approval as his eyes scanned across Matthew’s selection. “Oh, this looks great.”

“I knew you’d love it.” 

“You know me so well, Matty, who let you at my Letterboxd account?” Joseph chuckled as he pressed a kiss to his forehead before leaving to grab what he claimed would be the ‘snack tray to end all snack trays’. 

As much as Matthew loved spending time with his teammates or going out on dates with Joseph, there was something about doing absolutely nothing and watching movies all afternoon that he loved so much. It was comforting to him. It felt safe. There were no expectations for him to live up to when he was snuggled up in bed with his boyfriend as they enjoyed being in each other’s presence. He didn’t have to be someone he wasn’t, or hide who he was. He could just be Matty. It was refreshing to have breaks like this when his schedule was as hectic and non-stop as it was for the best part of the year. 

To say Joseph’s snack tray lived up to expectations would be an understatement. Not only had his boyfriend managed to find every single one of Matthew’s favourite treats, but he had also made two pear strudels that were played up in the centre of the tray. “I made them special, figured you’d want one.”

Matthew’s heart must have doubled in size at the thought of Joseph baking for him. Yes, it was his job, but he had made them because he wanted to, not because he had to. And that meant a lot more than people would think.

“I love them, and I love you too.” It took the both of them a few moments to realise what had just been said. Matthew had just told Joseph that he loved him. It’s not like it was a surprise to either of them; they had both known how they felt for a good while by this point, but to actually hear it spoken out loud was a new experience for them. They both used actions to say just how much they loved each other, like Joseph baking pear strudels for Matthew, or when Matthew buying Joseph a Lego set for Christmas, or even the little things like the way that Joseph would card his fingers through Matthew’s hair when they were lying on the couch to get him to go to sleep.

“You do?” Eyes wide. Lips parted in surprise. 

“Of course I do, silly.” Matthew’s gaze softened as he smiled, almost bashfully, at Joseph, who seemed to not quite believe what he was hearing. “You’re so easy to love.” His hand reached up to rest against Joseph’s cheek as they took in each other. Took in the moment. 

It's not that Joseph didn’t know that there were people who loved him, he just found it hard to believe sometimes. He wasn’t anything special. He was just Joseph. He didn’t know why people would go out of their way to care about him any more than they would any other person. “I love you too, Matty, more than I ever thought I could.”

“This wasn’t how I thought we’d say our first ‘I love you’, but I’m glad that it was. Loving you and doing what we love the most.” In his head, Matthew had spent god knows how long thinking up all the ways that they would have said it. He’d got this whole romantic gesture planned out; he was going to cook them some bolognese, Joseph’s favourite, and make it really special for the man that he loved the most in the world. That would have been nice, yes, but this was ten times better. This had been organic. No planning necessary. The moment had just felt so right that he hadn’t even had to think about it. 

That's how you know you’ve found your person. You don’t even have to think about loving them, you just do. Unconditionally. 

Matthew lifted the duvet up as he shuffled over to make room for Joseph. “Get in here, you, it's too cold.” 

Joseph practically jumped into bed, excited to spend time with his boyfriend as well as watch the movie. He’d had a long few weeks at the bakery, so having an afternoon off where they did absolutely nothing was ideal. “Well, if we cuddle then we won’t be cold anymore, will we?”

“You’re so annoying,” he joked, grinning up at Joseph, “and I love you for it.”

“You’re enjoying saying that, aren’t you?” Matthew already knew the answer because he was already enjoying saying it too. 

“Oh, more than you know.” Joseph moved to rest his head on Matthew’s chest, smiling to himself as he heard his heartbeat. “Now shut up and press play.”

The two settled down as the movie began, occasionally making little comments to each other. They both had really, really, bad habits of talking their way through every movie they watched, so they were making an attempt at talking just a little bit less. Now, they weren’t the type of people to talk if they had gone out to the cinema, no, they both hated those people with every fibre of their being, but if it was just the two of them then they would usually struggle to stay quiet. 

It only took ten minutes of silence from Joseph for Matthew to realise that he had fallen asleep. The lack of commentary should have been a dead giveaway. He could feel the gentle rise and fall of a sleeping Joseph’s chest against his. It was so peaceful, lying there listening to the barely-there snores coming from his sleeping boyfriend. That was one of the things he loved about Joseph the most. The way that he, despite adamantly denying that he does, has the sweetest little snore Matthew had ever heard. He didn’t even think that it was possible for someone snoring to be cute, but here he was, heart full and cheeks aching from smiling so much. 

Since Joseph had fallen asleep, Matthew pressed pause on their film so he wouldn’t miss too much while he was asleep. They would finish it later, for sure. He just wanted to take a minute to take in the moment. How peaceful it was, how safe he felt, how well and truly in love he was. There was absolutely nothing in the world that he would trade moments like these for. 

Since he finally had time, and Joseph was asleep so they couldn’t finish their movie, he figured he might as well continue apartment hunting. There were a few that he’d found that he liked, but he wasn’t entirely sure what he was really looking for. Matthew had never actually lived alone before. There had always been at least one other person living with him, and even then there had been other people there to help them find somewhere if it had been necessary. 

He definitely needed somewhere furnished. There was absolutely nowhere near enough time in his schedule to both look for and completely furnish an apartment. He also didn’t want somewhere too big - as long as there was enough room for him and Joseph then he would be happy. The only issue was that nowhere he had found felt like somewhere that he could see himself calling home. Everywhere was painted white, always with black and grey furniture, and it looked so clinical, hostile even. There was nothing home-like about an apartment that looked like it would make a perfect doctor’s waiting room. 

He couldn’t wrap his head around why nowhere had any personality to it. Sure, he couldn’t expect it to be perfectly furnished and decorated to his taste, but nowhere stood out to him as somewhere that he could truly see himself living and being happy. 

Matthew didn’t know how long he’d been staring at his laptop screen, contemplating whether this apartment could maybe be the one, but it must have been a while because when he felt Joseph stirring he looked up and saw that the setting sun had filled the room with a soft glow. 

“Morning, sleepyhead,” he whispered, chuckling slightly at the grumbling and disorientated Joseph looking up at him with a furrowed brow, “good sleep?”

Joseph hummed in response, still half-asleep. It had been one of those naps that could be as short as twenty minutes but feel like a full eight hours. Usually taken after a long day at work that resulted in him waking up on top of his bedsheets with his jeans still half on. “How long?”

“I’m not actually too sure,” Matthew admitted, still in awe of how his boyfriend’s hair somehow still looked perfect despite it sticking up in a billion different directions, “I lost track of time.”

“Daydreaming?”

“Even better,” sarcasm dripped from his voice. The two of them both knew just how exhausting apartment hinting was growing to be for Matthew, “looking at apartment three billion that I don’t like.”

“Still no luck?” He propped himself up on an elbow and scanned the slightly too bright laptop screen. “I mean, it's not the worst?”

“It’s close to you,” that was one of Matthew’s priorities. It had to be nearby so he wasn’t having to trek to Mordor and back just to visit, “and it has more personality than a lot of the others.” It was true. This one wasn’t just a sea of beige, it had a pop of colour on the walls. One of the living room walls was an absolutely beautiful forest green. The exact colour that reminded him of Joseph. He was going to have to take that as a sign.

“I like this one,” they had both sat up now, properly taking in the pictures that were flashing across the screen, “the green is your green.”

Joseph cocked his head slightly. “My green?”

“Yeah, every time I see that green it reminds me of you. I’m not sure why, but it just feels like you.” He hadn’t realised how silly that sounded until he said it out loud. It was too late now, though, he was going to have to deal with whatever Joseph’s reaction was.

“You have a colour that reminds me of you?”

Matthew nodded in response, the burning on his cheeks becoming more intense by the second.

“Oh Matty, I love you so fucking much.” There was something so sweet about the fact that Matthew already associating Joseph with a colour, one that he loved as well. Joseph supposed that it did make sense considering that so many of his clothes incorporated the colour in some way. Either way, it made Joseph feel so, so loved, so noticed. Matthew really did pay attention to all the small things that made Joseph who he was. “Come here, you.” He grinned, cupping Matthew’s face as he pressed a meaningful kiss to his lips. It was one of those kisses that truly did speak a thousand words and so much more. 

Despite the fact that they were dating, Matthew still found himself getting flustered every time they kissed. It was as if Joseph had complete control of his heart, well, he did in a way. Everything Joseph did made Matthew happy, and everything Matthew did was to make Joseph happy. 

“Let’s have a proper look at this apartment then,” Joseph somehow moved closer to Matthew, head resting on his shoulder, “it might be the one, you know.”

They must have spent a good hour looking over the photos of the apartment before Matthew decided that he wanted to go for a viewing. As much as the two of them had fallen in love with it from the listing, they both knew that the only way to know if it was the one for Matthew was to go there in person and make sure that it at least had the potential to be called home. 

“I really like this place, Joey, like a lot.” Mumbled into Joseph’s hair, followed swiftly by another kiss. 

“I can tell,” he had taken to playing with Matthew’s hands, intertwining their fingers in the process, “this is the only place you’ve ever thought twice about.”

Matthew hummed in agreement. “You’re coming with me to the viewing, right?”

“Of course I am!” It wasn’t even a question, not really. Joseph would have been there whether Matthew wanted him to be or not. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” People used that expression all the time for a whole host of different things, but Joseph truly did mean it. If Matthew wanted him there then he would do whatever he could to make sure he was. 

“You’re too good to me.”

“No, I’m just giving you what you deserve.” Joseph was almost shocked at the thought that Matthew thought he deserved any less than the very best.

“God, we’re becoming one of those couples, aren’t we?” They had both spent a fair amount of time sat chuckling at TikToks of couples who were overly affectionate and ‘mushy’ as Joseph had described them. Not that it was a bad thing to be in love, it was just that neither of them had ever really experienced the feeling until now.

Joseph chuckled. “I think we might be.”

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way.” The amount of love that was swelling inside Matthew’s chest at that moment was almost unbearable. He truly had found his person. His soulmate. All because of a pear strudel on a chilly morning.

“I know,” Joseph trailed off, once again settling into a comfortable silence, “now let's get this movie finished. I can’t get enough of Glen Powell at the moment, I really can’t.”

Matthew laughed in agreement as they settled down and pressed play, occasionally snacking on the popcorn that Joseph had brought for them. That was how they ended up spending the rest of the evening; wrapped up in the duvet, and each other, as they made their way through their Letterboxd watchlist at a slightly worrying pace. 

But they wouldn’t have it any other way. It was just Matthew, Joseph, and enough love to last an eternity. 

Chapter Text

Moving Matthew into his new apartment had been no easy feat. For someone who had been living in his captain’s basement for the last few months, he had so many things. Joseph figured that it was down to his odd little quirk of keeping and collecting anything that had a positive memory attached to it. Especially things from their dates. Lego sets, that really, truly awful painting that he had done of Joseph when they decided to paint each other. He’d even made fake tickets for the movies that they’d watched together and printed them out as keepsakes. It was the little things like this that Matthew did that made Joseph’s heart beating. 

The last box of Matthew’s belongings had found a temporary home on the living room floor as the exhausted couple found theirs on the couch. “How on earth do you have so many things?” Joseph questioned as his chest heaved. 

“I dunno,” Matthew’s shoulders shrugged as he smiled down at his boyfriend, whose head was resting in his lap, “I guess I just really like collecting things. Makes me feel like I have a home when I’m away from my family.”

“I can’t even make fun of you for that.” He shuffled around, making it easier for him to look up at Matthew. “That’s so sweet.” 

Joseph had also moved out of his home state, so he understood exactly what Matthew meant. When he first moved into his apartment it had felt so cold and empty. It was little things from home, a framed photo of him and his siblings or a book that his mother had bought him for Christmas, that made it feel like he was still there in times where he wanted nothing more than to be in the familiar embrace of his living room on family movie night. 

They settled into a silence that they knew all too well. Ten minutes of existing in each other’s presence and enjoying the company of someone who understood the feeling of needing to surround yourself with things to distract from the fact that you’re no longer just a quick drive from your parent’s house. 

“Wanna make a start on some of these boxes?” Joseph offered, playing with the hair at the nape of Matthew’s neck. “Make this place feel less… empty?”

A sigh. Yes, Matthew did want to get the mammoth task of unpacking out of the way, but he also wanted to spend the rest of eternity cuddled up with his boyfriend on the sofa. “Go on then,” he began to sit up, disturbing the comfortable position that they had found themselves in, “we can order takeout as a treat afterwards.”

“What is it with you and bribing yourself to do things with takeout?” Joseph chuckled, sitting up to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. 

“A little treat to reward myself for doing something never hurt anyone.”

Joseph couldn’t argue with that justification. It's not like he wasn’t partial to buying himself the occasional Lego set every now and again. It was nice to reward yourself for achieving something, or even just for having a really good week in general. Little things like that did usually help to be fair to Matthew. 

As it turns out, unpacking all of Matthew’s things was somehow more exhausting than it was to pack them all up. At least the boxes had been organised and labelled, which Joseph had to convince Matthew to do because he’d figured that “everything will get mixed up during the move anyway.”

They had managed to get a good fifty percent of Matthew’s things moved into their designated room and for what seemed like the thousandth time that day, a strand of Joseph’s hair once again fell into his eyes. It was at that awkward length where it was long enough to interfere with his vision, but just a little bit too short to be able to tuck behind his ear. “I really need a haircut, it’s getting way too long.” He heard Matthew almost drop the box of probably fragile things that he had been carrying. 

“Excuse me?” Joseph turned to face Matthew, surprised at just how loud his objection was, “You are not cutting your hair. I’ll die.”

From the look on Matthew’s face, you’d think he’d just witnessed Joseph kick a puppy or something. Not that he would ever do such a thing. “That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

“Joseph. If your hair isn’t long enough for me to play with like this,” his fingers carded through the ends of Joseph’s hair, twirling it slightly as he smiled, “then I will actually die. I’m not joking.”

“But it’s too long,” his attempt to justify his haircut fell upon deaf ears, “I can barely see!”

“But you look so, so good with longer hair.”Matthew’s response came out as almost a whine.

“Yes, so you’ve said, dear, but I can’t see.”

“Promise me you won’t cut your hair, Joey.” The look on Matthew’s face was much more serious than anyone would’ve expected it to be when talking about a haircut. 

“Will it make you happy?”

“Very.”

“Okay,” Joseph let out a defeated sigh, “I promise I won’t cut my hair.”

“Thank you, Joey.” Matthew grinned, making his way over to press a kiss to Joseph’s lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Joseph couldn’t help but smile at his boyfriend. There was something so comforting about moments like these that Joseph loved. He figured it was the domesticity of it all.

They settled into another comfortable silence, with the occasional interruption of chatter or Matthew telling a story behind various little things he came across as he unpacked. Stories about childhood best friends who bought him a toy dinosaur for his tenth birthday that he’d somehow managed to hang onto for so many years. A bracelet he bought on a school trip to a museum so long ago that he couldn’t even remember when it was, or who he sat next to on the journey there. 

Joseph loved hearing these stories, each one a piece of the intricate puzzle that was Matthew Knies. He loved being able to slowly reveal the bigger picture, the beautiful picture, that was the man he was lucky enough to be able to call his boyfriend. It was his favourite thing to do; getting to know Matthew on a deeper level every moment they spent around each other. He never managed to get bored of it. He would spend every waking moment around Matthew if it meant that he was able to find the final piece to complete the puzzle. To get to know Matthew Knies in the most intimate way. To understand him. 

In all of the chatter, Matthew hadn’t noticed that the sun had almost finished setting, and Joseph hadn’t noticed that his boyfriend had left the occasional empty space on a shelf, in a drawer, in the wardrobe. Empty spaces for Joseph to put his things, to make his mark. To add a little bit of Joseph to Matthew’s apartment. Just like he’d made his mark on Matthew’s life. 

“You can, uh,” Matthew broke the silence, almost nervously chuckling to himself as he spoke, “you can leave some things in here. If you wanted to.” 

“Hm?” Joseph turned to face his boyfriend, shaking his head slightly to rid his eyes of the few strands of hair that once again plagued his vision. It was at that moment he saw Matthew standing next to an open drawer, half of it full of his own clothes, and half of it empty and waiting for Joseph’s to find their new home. His gaze softened as he tilted his head, a slightly lopsided grin creeping across his face. “Oh, Matty. You don’t have to do that.”

“I do,” Matthew insisted, setting the book in his hands down on top of the dresser and making his way to stand in front of his boyfriend, “my place is your place now, Joey.”

Joseph didn’t even know how to respond. The fact that Matthew had set aside room for him to leave his own things there made him feel so incredibly loved. So incredibly wanted. Matthew  wanted  him around and that meant more to Joseph than he realised. 

It wasn’t just that Matthew wanted Joseph to be able to have his belongings already in the apartment whenever he came over. He wanted to be surrounded by Joseph for every minute of every day, even if he wasn’t physically in the apartment with him. He wanted to have constant little reminders that Joseph was a part of his life, regardless of how far apart they were. His hoodies, a stray book or two, the little Lego figurines that they made of each other on a date not that long ago. Everything in his apartment was starting to remind Matthew of Joseph. Everything in his apartment was starting to have its own memory of Joseph and he loved it. There was nothing he enjoyed more than wandering around his apartment when he was alone, smiling to himself every time he spotted something that reminded him of Joseph. 

“I’ll bring some things round tomorrow then.” They grinned at each other, Matthew pressing a gentle kiss to Joseph’s nose. 

“I can’t wait.”

By the time they’d finished unpacking Matthew’s bedroom, it was completely dark outside and Matthew had deemed it “far too late” for Joseph to go home, so they had once again found themselves cuddled up on the sofa, only this time they were under a blanket that Matthew’s mother had sent him as a gift to celebrate getting his first ‘proper’ apartment. It was a chunky knit blanket made from a soft green wool, Joseph’s favourite colour. It was the sort of green that you look at and immediately picture yourself standing in a forest surrounded by the most beautiful trees and the constant sounds of nature swirling around you.

Joseph was tense when he should’ve been enjoying the quiet company of Matthew, but ever since he’d been asked to leave his things in the apartment, the constant nagging thought of not wanting to be Matthew’s secret anymore was at the back of his mind. If Matthew loved him as much as he’d said, Joseph just couldn’t figure out why he didn’t want to at least tell his teammates about them. He understood that coming out was a very scary thing, but they’d started to get pretty serious now, and all Joseph wanted was to be able to be around the team without having to remind himself that they couldn’t hold hands, couldn’t be too close. 

“What’s on your mind?” Sometimes he really hated just how well Matthew knew him. “I can hear you worrying.”

“It's nothing, Matty, really.” Guilt was eating him from the inside out. He felt so selfish for wanting Matthew to come out when he clearly wasn’t ready, but he just wanted to be a couple outside the four walls of their apartments. 

“Joey,” Matthew wasn’t buying that for a second, “I’m serious, what are you thinking?” They shifted slightly so that Joseph could look up to meet Matthew’s gaze, a thousand questions being asked.

“It’s stupid.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“I just,” Joseph sighed, suddenly a lot quieter than he had been earlier, “I don’t want to be ‘Matthew’s friend Joseph’ anymore.”

A pause. Joseph couldn’t figure out whether the silence was understanding or confusion. 

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to have to pretend anymore, Matty.”

Realisation. 

“Oh.” This time the silence that fell between them wasn’t peaceful. It wasn’t unpleasant, just thick with emotion. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” Joseph couldn’t bring himself to meet his boyfriend’s eyes, which he was sure held a thousand more apologies, “don’t apologise, Matty. It’s not your fault. I’m just being selfish.”

“No, you’re not. Not one bit.” Matthew moved his hand underneath Joseph’s chin, tilting it up so their eyes could meet once again. “You’re my boyfriend. You shouldn’t have to hide like this.”

More silence. Only this time it was more understanding. 

“I don’t want to make you do something you aren’t ready for, Matty. I’m not going to force you to come out to your teammates just because I want you to.” They both knew that was an unfair request. “I want you to do it when you decide you’re ready.”

Matthew took a moment, unsure of how to piece together his thoughts. “I do want to come out, you know. I’ve been thinking about it for the last few weeks and I really do think that I’m ready to tell everyone. I don’t want to hide you anymore, Joey.”

That was not the response that Joseph had expected. He’d thought that Matthew was going to tell him that he was being selfish. That he was expecting too much. 

“You’re serious?” A little bit of light had returned to Joseph’s eyes as he felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders. Matthew actually wanted to come out to the team. He hadn’t felt pushed into it. He’d decided on his own that it was the right time for him. 

“More than anything.” 

“I love you, Matty, and I’m so proud of you. I mean it.” They smiled at each other, any tension long gone. That was another thing that Joseph loved. The fact that they didn’t argue about things, they talked things through instead. Both of them hated arguing, so they had both agreed to talk things through instead of raising their voices or getting too heated about things. 

“I love you too.” The kiss they shared was so full of meaning and emotion. It spoke more than they both knew words were able to in that moment. “And I can’t wait to tell everyone exactly how much you mean to me.”

Chapter Text

Despite the fact that it was an especially cold day in the middle of February, Joseph had dragged Matthew out on a ‘Joey Date’, which consisted of spending the entire afternoon sitting in an ice cream shop trying every single flavour imaginable until they both felt sick, followed by a lazy evening in Matthew’s apartment where they would spend a good hour arguing over which movie they wanted to watch before deciding on something completely different. 

“This,” Matthew pointed down at the tub of ice cream in front of him, mouth still half full, “is the best one so far.” 

“Which one is it?” They’d been sat there for a good hour and a half and Joseph had long lost track of what flavour the ice cream his boyfriend was practically inhaling was at any given moment. 

“Raspberry ripple.” Matthew offered his half eaten spoon out to Joseph, grinning as he fed his boyfriend. “What do you think?”

“Oh wow.” It was good. Like, really good. “You’re right. It really is the best one yet.”

“Can’t go wrong with a good old bit of raspberry, can you?” It was almost comical the way that Matthew’s eyes lit up with such childlike wonder at something as simple as ice cream. Joseph hummed a no in response, smiling over as he watched his boyfriend lose himself in a bright pink raspberry ripple-flavoured world. 

“You look like a chipmunk with those cheeks,” Joseph reached out to press Matthew’s cheeks between his hands, laughing at how unimpressed he looked to be torn away from his ice cream, “it’s cute.”

“You’re cute.” He replied through still-squished cheeks. 

A hummed smile. “I love you.”

“And I love you too, Joey.” The only way to describe the look in Matthew’s eyes was pure adoration. He was so full of love and had been since the first time they met at the bakery what felt like an entire lifetime ago. “So much.”

To absolutely no one’s surprise, Joseph’s cheeks flushed at his boyfriend’s comments as he reached out his hand to cover Matthew’s, adding a gentle squeeze.

“I’m so excited to tell everyone about you.” He could barely contain his smile as he looked over at Joseph, tilting his head slightly in the process. “I know it’s scary, but I just want to be able to show you off like everyone else gets to do with their girlfriends. The world deserves to know how incredible you are.”

Joseph giggled, tilting his head to mirror Matthew’s. “I can’t wait either, wanna be able to kiss you without having to make sure there’s nobody else around.”

“You could have the guys round for a little housewarming thing?” Joseph knew that Matthew would want to keep things more lowkey. He never had been one for a big announcement. “Tell them then?”

They had spent the past week or so throwing around different ideas of how to tell the team, but nothing had seemed quite right. It was either too over the top or way too casual for an announcement so important. Telling everyone at a housewarming party though? That was something that neither of them had considered yet. It would kill two birds with one stone as well; Matthew could get his housewarming party out of the way and tell his teammates how in love he was with the boy from the bakery who made the best pear strudels he had ever tasted. 

“Now that’s a good idea,” a weight appeared to have lifted from Matthew’s shoulders at the suggestion. They finally had a plan, “it’s very us.”

“I could make some pear strudels for everyone?” Joseph suggested, his eyes lighting up at the thought. If there was one thing he loved almost as much as he loved Matthew, it was baking for people. “It’ll be a good way of telling everyone how we met.”

Matthew almost melted at the amount of thought Joseph was putting into everything. “You’re absolutely perfect, Joey.”

From there, it became easy for them to plan out the smaller details of the night as Matthew ate his way through two and a half more tubs of ice cream, greatly enjoying feeding his boyfriend the occasional bite. 

They were halfway through the slightly derailed conversation of what snacks they were going to have out for the team when a certain presence found itself seated next to Matthew, squeezing him into the corner of the booth. 

“I thought I recognised your general squareness,” a cheery voice weaseled its way into the conversation, “and if he’s here then I knew you wouldn’t be far behind.”

Joseph laughed at the fact that his boyfriend’s teammate had just called him square. He wasn’t wrong, but he had always found it funny, especially when it came from someone like Mitch. 

“Alright Mouse, calm down.” Matthew chuckled as he shuffled around to make more room for Mitch, who seemed overjoyed at the fact that he’d stumbled upon them. 

“So,” he glanced between the two, wiggling his eyebrows as he made eye contact with Matthew, “what are you two up to on such a lovely afternoon?” 

“We’re just out for some ice cream,” Matthew replied, “figured we’d make the most of such a nice day.”

It hadn’t quite hit Matthew yet that Mitch was acting like this because he didn’t realise that they were on a date, or that they were even dating at all. Joseph, however, had managed to pick up on the fact as he smiled warmly at Mitch, greeting him and mentioning that it had been a while since they’d seen each other. 

“You both looked pretty cosy sat together when I walked in.” Mitch, as subtle as ever, was all but asking whether they were on a date. Joseph wasn't a hundred percent sure about how much Matthew had told him about their relationship. He knew that Mitch knew that Matthew liked him, but they’d never really discussed it past that point. It had been a while since Mitch had found out about Matthew’s little crush, and he figured that he’d been bugging him for even the smallest detail or update on how they were getting on. And he would have been correct. To say that Mitch was practically hounding Matthew to tell him more about Joseph would be an understatement. It had been an almost constant stream of ‘how are you getting on with Joey?’ and ‘are you guys dating yet?’ for months now.

“Well, yeah, they’re pretty small booths I suppose.” Sometimes Matthew’s inability to pick up on hints that were right in front of him baffled Joseph. He didn’t think he’d have realised what Mitch was getting at if it hit him in the face. 

“Hmm, they are…” Mitch trailed off, suspiciously eyeing Matthew as he tried to make his meddling as subtle as possible, which wasn’t very in his case. It truly was almost impossible to get through to Matthew when he was off in his own little world enjoying whatever flavour of ice cream he was eating now. 

Joseph wasn’t usually one to interfere in other people’s business, but the scene that was playing out in front of him had become almost too painful to watch. “You know, we were thinking of throwing a little housewarming party next week,” he was trying to drop the couple hint by placing a little bit of emphasis on the ‘we’, praying that it helped their situation even slightly, “get everyone round to celebrate Matty’s first place sort of thing.”

At the mention of a party, Mitch’s ears pricked up. “A party you say?” The grin that even Joseph knew meant trouble had once again found its way onto his face. “Tell me more!”

“Nothing too big or crazy, but Joey’s gonna be baking a special something for everyone and we’ll have a few drinks.” Matthew chimed in, unsure of whether he was more excited for the party, Joseph’s baking, or being able to act like a normal couple in front of everyone else. 

“You’re baking? You’ve gotta tell me what!” Mitch’s eyes somehow managed to widen even more than they had been before. The promise of Joseph’s baked goods was enough to keep him happy and quiet for the next week. 

Chuckling at Mitch’s response, Joseph shook his head, determined to keep the surprise a secret. Especially from Mitch. “I’m afraid I can’t tell you, Mitchy. It’d spoil the surprise.”

“Oh, come on, tell me, pretty please.” He was practically begging at this point. “Why’s it have to be a surprise?” Mitch pouted. 

“Because we may or may not have a little something to tell everyone, and if we tell you what Joey’s baking, you might be able to figure it out before then,” Matthew explained in an attempt to let Mitch down gently. 

“Oh…” He fell unusually quiet as the cogs in his brain started turning. “Oh.” 

It had all started to make more sense to Mitch. The silence from Matthew on whether they were dating or not, the little ice cream date that he realised he’d just crashed, always referring to themselves as ‘we’ rather than as individuals. It had finally clicked for him. 

There was no more just Matthew or just Joseph. It was Matthew and Joseph now. 

Mitch pointed his finger, moving it between the two. “You’re dating?”

He didn’t have to wait for an answer. The knowing look they shared, relieved that they hadn’t had to completely spell it out for him, was more than enough to confirm his suspicions. 

“And you didn’t tell me?” At least they both knew that Mitch had absolutely no problem with the fact that Matthew was gay. Not that they ever thought he would have, not when he’d spent so long invested in a relationship that he hadn’t known much about at all. 

“We haven’t really told anyone yet, Mitch,” Joseph felt bad for him, after all, he just wanted to be there to support his teammate, but it had been Matthew’s decision and the right one at that, “that’s what the housewarming party is for.”

“We’ll have all the guys together so it’ll be easier to tell everyone at once rather than individually.” Matthew chimed in, giving a soft smile in Mitch’s direction as he reached out to rest his hand on top of Joseph’s. “Plus, Joey will be there too, so he also gets to be a part of it.”

“That’s so cute!” Mitch looked as though he was about to burst from the excitement of it all. “I wanna know everything! Who asked who out? Fill me in on everything I’ve missed.”

There really was no way of saying no to Mitch, especially when he was so excited for them. It was sweet in a way, endearing, that he was so happy that they’d finally started dating. Matthew appreciated this more than he thought he would have, that he was treating them exactly the same as he would’ve had it been any other teammate finding a girlfriend. It clearly made no difference to Mitch whether Matthew had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. He knew that no matter what, he would have Mitch’s unconditional support.

And so, Mitch sat intently hanging on to every word as Matthew and Joseph gave him the rundown on their relationship, throwing in little stories that they knew would make him laugh. Time flew by; Mitch loved seeing the look of pure adoration on Matthew’s face that he’d never seen before, and Joseph loved seeing how happy Matthew was that he could finally talk to someone about them. It was as if he could see the moment that he realised that this was his reality now, that he’d be able to talk like this and not have to hide his boyfriend from everyone. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and both Mitch and Joseph had just witnessed it happen. 

“So you both went round to John’s and he had the whole ‘so you want to date my son’ conversation with you?” Mitch was having a little bit too much fun with this story, clutching his stomach from laughing so hard. “Oh, that’s brilliant! It's like I can already hear his voice.”

He followed this with a scarily accurate impression of a monotone John giving the ‘break his heart and you’ll have to deal with me’ speech. 

“Lay off him Mitchy,” Matthew chuckled, reminiscing on that afternoon that felt so long ago, “he just wanted to make sure we’d be okay together. You know what he’s like.”

“Is he the only one that knows?”

“Officially, yes, but we think Benny and Bobby might have their suspicions.” Joseph hummed in agreement, remembering their brief, but very telling, interaction after Matthew’s close call with a knee injury. “When I messed up my knee during practice, Joey came to pick me up and I don’t think we hid the whole couple thing very well. No one said anything, but they aren’t stupid. They probably figured out that something was up.”

“I was definitely fussing over you a little bit too much,” Joseph reasoned, patting Matthew’s hand and nudging his leg under the table, “but I wasn’t exactly focusing on hiding our relationship when you were struggling to walk to the car.”

“You fussed over me a perfect amount, love,” Matthew’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled, “I’ve never been so well taken care of.” 

Joseph could feel his cheeks heating up. “Well, I had to make sure you were comfortable. It was scary for me, not knowing if you’d be okay or not.”

“You guys are so cute,” Mitch somehow managed to whisper and squeal at the same time, “I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on this for months!” 

“Well, you’ve just got to keep quiet about us until next weekend and then you can talk about us to anyone and everyone,” Matthew laughed at his teammate, who was practically bouncing off the walls, “within reason that is. We don’t really want anyone outside of the team to know yet. Not until we’re both okay with it.”

“Can I tell Zeus? And Steph?” The two most important people in Mitch’s life. 

There wasn’t really any point in saying no to that. He would undoubtedly tell Zeus the second he got home, and it wouldn’t be long before Steph found out too. “I think you’d end up telling them anyway, regardless of what we say, so of course you can.” Joseph smiled, turning from Mitch to look at his boyfriend. 

“It’s getting pretty late, you know,” the three of them turned to the window, the sun that was high in the sky when they had first slid into the booth was much lower, bordering the horizon, “and we have a long night of movies ahead.” It’s not that they wanted to leave Mitch, they’d actually had a lot of fun talking to him. It was refreshing, in a way, to have someone else to talk about their relationship to who wasn’t themselves, but they had also been planning this date night for a while now and wanted to fit in their long list of films to watch before they inevitably fall asleep entwined in each other’s arms on the sofa. 

“Shit, yeah,” Mitch checked his phone, seemingly surprised at how quickly time had flown, “I should get back home soon. Steph’s making pasta tonight.”

Pasta night. Mitch’s favourite. Everyone knew how seriously he took pasta as a whole. He’d pile his plate high with it at every given opportunity and absolutely inhale it. 

“Oh, pasta? We don’t wanna keep you from that then do we?” Joseph smiled at Mitch, entertained by the way he perked up at the thought of pasta. Especially homemade pasta. He could understand Mitch’s excitement about that. There’s nothing quite like fresh homemade pasta to end the day. 

“My wife awaits!” Mitch shuffled out of the booth, turning to the newly discovered couple and grinning, “Kniesy, I’ll see you tomorrow, and Joey, I’ll see you next week for the big day!” 

They both laughed at the eyebrow wiggle that accompanied Mitch’s emphasis on ‘big day’, entertained by how exciting he found it all. It’s not every day you find out your teammate is dating the guy he was incapable of shutting up about. 

“See you tomorrow Mouse.” Matthew chuckled, raising his hand in a half-wave. 

“I forgot how much I loved Mitch.” He turned to face Joseph, slipping his phone into his pocket and collecting up his rubbish in preparation to leave. “He’s absolutely insane, but in the best way possible.”

“That’s the only way to describe him,” Joseph laughed, picking up his phone and setting his hat on his head, “he’s just like this big ball of sunshine and energy.”

They threw away their empty tubs as they thanked the cashier on the way out. Despite the sun being halfway set, it was still pleasantly warm outside, the occasional breeze from earlier that afternoon still present and refreshing as ever. Their chatter continued as they walked back to where Matthew had parked, playfully arguing about which movie to start first when they returned to Matthew’s apartment for the night. 

It was days like these that they loved most; spending time with each other and making the most of their own company. They didn’t get the chance to have many dates like this, not with Joseph’s schedule and Matthew’s week-long road trips more often than they both would’ve liked. It had been a day where they hadn’t had to pretend to just be two friends out for ice cream, instead being able to be Matthew and Joseph, boyfriends. It wasn’t their first date like this, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. They had a whole lifetime together, which still wasn’t enough time for them, but it was long enough that they would make the very most of each and every single day they woke up beside each other and fell asleep with their hearts full. 

Chapter Text

It turns out that setting up your apartment for a housewarming-slash-coming-out party was a lot more stressful than Matthew had anticipated. It didn’t matter how many times he adopted the dad stance, hands resting on his hips as he looked around the living room, he always found something else that he wanted to change; move a photo frame from one shelf to another, switch out the candle for a different scent. It seemed as though Matthew was incapable of being happy with how everything was set up. 

“It's the nerves, love,” Joseph appeared behind Matthew, placing two mugs of tea on the table before making his way to the big bundle of nervous energy and snaking his arms around his waist, pressing a reassuring kiss to the top of his shoulder, “everything looks great.”

Matthew’s silence told Joseph that he wasn’t entirely convinced. 

“I promise.” Joseph’s chin came to rest on his shoulder and his thumbs tucked themselves under the hem of Matthew’s shirt as they softly stroked his stomach in an attempt to slow down his mind. 

“I just want everything to be perfect.” His voice came out quiet, barely a whisper above the silence that had filled the room. 

“I know you do,” Joseph’s thumbs tapped Matthew’s stomach one final time before he wandered over to pick up the two mugs, handing the deep blue one to Matthew, “and it will be.”

Matthew hummed in agreement, still slightly unconvinced. But he knew that his boyfriend wouldn’t lie to him. Plus, he did have a tendency to overthink things when he started to get stressed. And he was definitely stressed about the party. 

A comfortable silence settled between the two as they looked around the room, realising just how much of each other’s personalities shone through in different aspects of the apartment; Joseph’s keyboard in the corner for when he stayed over, the cactus canvas that Matthew’s brother had given him after he moved in, the growing collection of joint Lego projects they spent their date nights building. It was Matthew’s apartment, but it was their space. They had spoken about moving in together, but they knew that it was way too early. Besides, they both thoroughly enjoyed having their own space and had decided that it wasn’t necessary to live together for a good while. Space was good. They didn’t want to be attached at the hip twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, as much as they knew that they would both love it. They both treasured the time they could spend together, but it was important to them both to not just become one unit, to still maintain their lives outside of their relationship. 

In an attempt to relieve some of the stress that was radiating off Matthew and into the room, Joseph decided to put their playlist on in the background. He knew that it helped to ground Matthew and his spiralling thoughts. Every time they heard a song that they liked or a song that reminded one of the other, it would be added to the ever-growing ‘Joey + Matty :)’ playlist that they had started on one of their very first date nights. Matthew had suggested they do it from the very beginning of being together so that they would have their entire relationship in songs that they could look back on in five, ten, twenty years. It was the soundtrack to their love. 

“How do we actually tell people? Is the whole pear strudel thing too stupid? What if it goes wrong and we don’t manage to tell everyone?” Matthew wondered out loud, muttering to himself as he fiddled with the hem of his shirt to keep his hands busy. “Like, do we just jump out and yell ‘Surprise we’re gay!’ or something?” 

This earned a deep chuckle from Joseph, entertained as ever by the inner workings of his boyfriend’s brain. Sometimes he really did wonder what goes on up there. Maybe they’d never know. “No, Matty, I don’t think we should come out by acting as if it was a surprise birthday party. I think the strudels are a good way of bringing it up. Anyway, even if it does go wrong and we miss our chance to tell everyone that way, we can still just tell people individually. It won’t ruin anything.” 

“I’m just worried, Joey. I need it all to go right. I don’t know what I’d do if I messed it all up somehow.” A defeated huff. “I’ve not exactly done any of this stuff before, have I?”

Joseph almost felt guilty for finding so much entertainment in Matthew’s constant back and forth in his mind. He hadn’t even considered the fact that all of this was still extremely new to him. He could count the number of people he’d come out to on one hand. He’d never dated a guy before, he’d never experienced so many things that had become normal to Joseph. 

“Sorry, love, I know it’s all new to you,” Joseph apologised, “but it’ll all work out just fine.”

“Promise?” Matthew held up his pinky, nerves forming the expression on his face.

“Pinky.” Their fingers locked around each other, a reassuring smile meeting with a slightly less anxious one. “Come on, you, let’s have one less shuffle round to make sure everything is just how you like it, yeah?”

“Okay.”

They had just about finished their final lap of the apartment, making small adjustments to things here and there, when Matthew’s phone sounded. 

“Who’s that?” Joseph peered over at the phone, physically incapable of not being nosey. 

Matthew paused for a moment, reading over the text he’d received. 

Hi Matthew, I’m just outside. Could you help me bring some things up?

“It's John. He’s got some things he needs me to help him bring up?” To say he was confused by this was an understatement. He distinctly remembered telling people that they didn’t have to bring anything, bar a few drinks that wouldn’t go unappreciated and that it was just a housewarming party. It only took him a moment or two to realise that this was definitely Aryne’s doing. She never let him visit and leave empty-handed. 

“Oh? Things?”

“Yeah, I don’t know either,” Matthew sat on the sofa as he laced up his shoes to go and meet John, “could be anything knowing him.”

“Yeah…” Joseph trailed off, lost in thought. 

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Matthew stopped, half way out of the door, before calling back, “Don’t miss me too much!”

Joseph chuckled to himself as he heard the door close behind his boyfriend. That was their favourite thing to say when they were leaving each other for a short amount of time, usually to get some kind of caffeinated drink to get them through the rest of the day. They must have said it to each other hundreds of times by this point and it still never got old. Joseph laughed at it now as much as he did the very first time Matthew had said it to him. 

He busied himself in the kitchen, fixing three housewarming-and-coming-out-party sized glasses of wine, taking a few sips from his glass before the door opened with a very laden down Matthew reappearing and an equally laden down John following behind. 

“We’re back!”

“I can see that.” He grinned at Matthew before panning over to John, “Hey John, glad you could make it.”

“Glad to be here,” he smiled back, setting down the box and two bags he had been holding in his arms, “sorry Aryne and the kids couldn’t come, too many busy schedules.”

Joseph had wandered over to Matthew, taking the rather large box from him before he toppled over or dropped it. “Should I even ask what’s in the boxes?”

Matthew’s eyes met Joseph’s, “I know just as much as you do. Honest.”

John stood observing the two, the way their movements flowed with each other. It truly was like watching two puzzle pieces finally slot into place. “I know you said that we shouldn’t bring anything today, but we couldn’t not.” He gestured over to the box Matthew had been carrying. “Aryne and I wanted to get you a few things that we know any good home should have.”

Matthew, although slightly puzzled by this, was thankful nonetheless and opened the box with Joseph at his side. 

You can often tell when someone puts a lot of thought into a gift as opposed to just picking up the first generic gift from the shelf. This wasn’t just a last-minute gift, no, this was something that had had hours and hours of love poured into it. Looking up at the couple from the box was a photo frame, clearly decorated by John’s kids, that contained a picture of the two curled up on the couch in John’s basement that they didn’t even know had been taken, and a green and yellow quilted blanket that perfectly matched the colour scheme that they had chosen for their living room. 

“John,” Matthew, for the first time in a long time, was rendered speechless as he ran his finger over the frame, admiring the photo inside it, “I don’t even know what to say.”

“These are absolutely wonderful,” Joseph whispered, his voice thick with appreciation, “thank you John, really.”

“It’s the very least we could do. Aryne took that photo a week or so before you told us you were together.” He smiled, clearly thinking fondly of the moment. “She went down to tell you guys that we’d be eating soon and came back practically gushing over the two of you.”

Both Matthew and Joseph looked back on that day fondly, remembering how they’d spent all day out on a hike before collapsing on the couch the minute they returned to John’s basement and napping for far too long. It had been such a lovely day, sunny, but not too hot, and they’d spent the five-hour hike drifting between talking each other’s ears off and walking in comfortable silence, taking in the views and enjoying being in each other’s presence. 

“We were absolutely wiped after all that walking,” Matthew’s cheeks flushed as he remembered the way that Joseph had fit under Matthew’s arm so perfectly, “I don’t think we even considered the fact that we hadn’t told you guys yet.”

“It was that photo that made Aryne think of making the quilt for you.” John explained, smiling as he watched Matthew trace his fingers across the quilt, realising that it really had been the perfect gift, “She wanted you to have something to keep the both of you warm, more than a blanket would.”

“That’s really thoughtful of her. We’ll have to come round soon so we can thank her. It’s been a while since we’ve seen the kids, too.” Joseph suggested, still in awe of the constant kindness that the Tavares family had shown to him. 

“Well, you both know that you’re always welcome.” John picked up the bottles of wine he had brought and looked up at the two expectantly. “So, where do you want me to put these?”

“Just through here,” Joseph led him into the kitchen where they’d set out various bottles of both alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks for people to go at, “I know we aren’t going to drink too much tonight, but we thought we’d just put out everything we have so people have options.”

He had to keep reminding himself that it was Matthew’s new apartment and not, in fact, their first home together. Although it really did seem like that with the amount of input Matthew had given him on how it had been decorated. 

They settled into a comfortable silence as John helped to empty out a few bags of snacks into bowls to take through into the living room. “So, have either of you given any thought to how you’re telling everyone? I know Matty was stressed about it because he asked me if I had any ideas. I can’t say I’m too clued up on how to come out as gay to my teammates, but I can try my best to help in any way that I can.”

“Okay, this might sound really stupid, so you’re gonna have to tell us if it’s a bad idea,” Matthew began, still unsure of whether or not this was the right way to go about it all, “but Joey made some pear strudels, which are the whole reason we’re together, so we were gonna use them as a talking point to tell everyone when they’re all here.”

John was silent as he took in the idea, thinking it over before he said anything.

Joseph sensed both Matthew’s nervousness and John’s silence as he explained further. “We haven’t quite decided exactly how we’re actually going to tell people, but if we tell everyone that they’re pear strudels and then just sort of bring up that they’re the only reason that we ever met and started dating, that’ll get telling the whole group out of the way.”

“I think that’s a really lovely idea, I really do.” John smiled at the two as he realised how them their idea was. “It’s unique, but it really fits your relationship well. Doing something like this is so much more personal than just sort of announcing it at random. It shows you’ve both put a lot of thought into it.”

“You really think so?” Matthew questioned, still not entirely convinced. 

“Of course I do!” He moved over to Matthew, resting a hand on his shoulder. “And the fact that you’re worrying about it this much shows just how much you care.”

As if he was accepting defeat, Matthew finally caved and let John’s words sink in, realising that he really was getting himself all worked up over something that would be just fine. “Yeah, I was stressing a bit much, wasn’t I?” He was almost bashful at the realisation. “Sorry for freaking out like this.”

“Don’t apologise.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, love.”

Both Joseph and John spoke at the same time, wanting to reassure Matthew that his overthinking wasn’t anything to be ashamed of. Neither of them had thought Matthew was as nervous as he had been, but seeing just how much he wanted everything to be perfect solidified the fact that they would both do absolutely anything in their power to make sure that the entire evening ran smoothly. They didn’t want him to stress about it any more than he already had. 

A few moments of silence passed between the group before Joseph’s eyes landed on the kitchen clock, his eyes widening as he read the time. “Okay, as much as I’m really loving this little moment we’re all having, but people are going to start arriving in like fifteen minutes.”

“Oh wow, okay, time seriously has just flown by.” Matthew hadn’t even realised that it was almost time for the housewarming-slash-secret-coming-out party to start. Suddenly he was ten times more stressed than he had been thirty seconds prior. 

“Hey, Matty,” Joseph placed his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders, smiling as he gave them a reassuring squeeze, “you’re going to be just fine. We’re going to be just fine.” 

Matthew nodded, relaxing slightly under Joseph’s touch before moving to grab the snack bowls to take through into the living room. 

“The place looks great, by the way.” John chimed in, only now getting a chance to properly look around the apartment, taking in the smaller details: the framed photo of the couple had taken up a spot on the bookshelf, the small stuffed penguin that Joseph had bought for him when he went back home to visit his family in St. Louis over Christmas, the two tiny Lego minifigures that looked suspiciously like both Joseph and Matthew that were stood on the shelf holding hands. “You’ve both made it look like a proper home, not just a hockey player’s apartment. You can feel the love that’s been poured into it all the second you walk through the door.”

Matthew could feel his face heating up. He was so happy with his apartment. The way that it not only felt like a home but also that it felt safe. If he left the apartment, he would have to be Matthew Knies the Hockey Player and pretend to be someone he wasn’t, unable to hold Joseph’s hand and show the world just how much he loves him, but when he was in his apartment he could just be Joseph’s boyfriend Matthew. He didn’t have to worry about what anyone else thought about him because he knew that no matter what happened, Joseph loved him. Joseph was his home, just as much as the apartment was.

“Thanks, John, seriously.” Matthew smiled, appreciating just how much the presence of his boyfriend and team-captain-turned-dad made him feel better about everything. He was going to be just fine as long as they were around. “Now let's get this party started!”

“But not too much,” John joked, “we have practice tomorrow.

“Let’s get this appropriately sized party started!” Matthew grinned as he saw how much he’d made them both laugh. He picked up his glass of wine and they all sat down, waiting for everyone to start arriving.

-

It took no more than ten minutes before Mitch, Auston, and Willy were all snooping around the living room, having travelled to Matthew’s apartment together. Since Matthew was so new to the team, and had spent so much of his time in Toronto living in the Tavares basement, they’d not had the chance to see what sort of person he was when it came to apartment decorating. 

“You know, Kniesy, I don’t know why, but I just kind of assumed you’d be living in a very grey, undecorated, empty place. Still half-stuck in college mode. But this,” he gestured around the brightly decorated room, “this is gorgeous.”

Matthew feigned offence, letting out an exaggerated gasp as he clutched his imaginary pearls. “How dare you assume that I’d live in such conditions!” A burst of laughter erupted from the group at his response. “Whatever would’ve given you the impression that my place would have been bland? It’s definitely got nothing to do with the way you guys all lived when you moved into your first place, does it?”

Auston held his hands up in defeat, reminiscing about the many days he spent trying to add even an ounce of personality to his first apartment that could only have been described as bland and soulless. “You’ve got me there, Matty, my first apartment was definitely a sight to see.”

“And not a good one.” Mitched chimed in, grinning as he felt his teammate push at his arm. “Seriously, Kniesy, you should’ve seen it. He slept on the couch for the first few weeks because he couldn’t be bothered to buy bedsheets or build the bed frame.”

“Come on, Mitchy, give me a break.” Auston laughed, not even bothering to defend himself. The two drifted away, now lost in a hushed back and forth of making fun of each other and their strange first-time-apartment habits. It was always funny to Matthew to see them arguing because it really did become evident that they truly were just an old married couple. The way they bounced off each other was so natural, too natural, almost. 

Matthew couldn’t be too sure of exactly how long he stood there, grinning at his teammates as they playfully fought over the bowl of cheese puffs, but he was eventually brought back to reality by a hand coming to rest on his shoulder. He didn’t think the owner of the hand was expecting him to jump quite as much as he did. “Woah, sorry Kniesy, my bad.”

It was Morgan. He knew that subtle teasing tone anywhere. 

“It's all good man, I was off in my own little world.” Matthew smiled sheepishly. He wasn’t entirely sure why he felt embarrassed by this, he was known for daydreaming. 

Morgan chuckled, telling him not to worry as he looked around, taking the apartment in. “I love the little Lego people,” he gestured towards the minifigures that Joseph had decided they needed to buy on a date once, “are they supposed to be you and Joseph?”

Matthew didn’t think he liked the undertone of that question, the way Mo had asked it made him wonder if he’d figured out that they were dating. Not that it was a bad thing, he just thought he’d hidden it better. “Uh, yeah they are, I think we bought them last month.” He decided that if he ignored the half-suspicious, half-amused look in his teammate’s eyes as he spoke, then everything would be fine. 

“Cool cool, I like them.” The conversation trailed off, Morgan clearly wanting to say more, but ultimately deciding against it just in case he had seriously misread the situation. “You two ha-”

“Hey, Matty,” Joseph appeared, sliding into the open space next to Matthew, “nice to see you again, Mo.” He smiled, having missed spending time with his boyfriend's chaotic, yet well-meaning teammates. 

“Joe! How’ve you been?” Morgan smiled, his eyes drifting down to where Joseph’s hand had found its resting place on Matthew’s hip, smoothly, as if it was second nature to him. 

Neither Matthew nor Joseph had even realised how close they were standing, so used to being joined at the hip that it hadn’t even crossed their minds that they probably shouldn’t act like this until after they came out. Which was, you know, the whole point of everyone being in Matthew’s apartment. 

“Pretty busy, actually,” he practically lit up, happily taking the opportunity to talk about the bakery he had spent so many years loving working at, “we’ve done a few big events recently, so it’s been non-stop for us.” By now, his hand had left Matthew’s waist, not intentionally, but just because Joseph was an extreme hand-talker. “We hired a new guy too, Jeff, he’s really great. Loves his red beanie a bit too much, but he’s interesting to work with.” 

As Joseph rambled about his rather chaotic time at the bakery, Matthew couldn’t help but smile to himself. This was his boyfriend. His boyfriend. It still didn’t feel real to him that everyone was going to find out not only that they were dating, but the fact that he was gay to begin with. All the excitement around telling people that he had a boyfriend had almost made Matthew forget that no one actually knew he was gay in the first place. It was only at this point that it all began to sink in. No more sneaking around with Joseph, no more having to lie about meeting girls at bars and going home with them, no more pretending to be someone he wasn’t. 

“Joey,” Matthew nudged his boyfriend’s arm gently, getting his attention, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

He had left before Joseph had even had a chance to respond, which was very unlike him. He turned his gaze away from the hallway that Matthew was heading towards and back to Morgan, “I should probably go check on him, make sure he’s okay.” He began, his voice thick with concern. “That was very … unusual.”

“Yeah…” Morgan trailed off, his eyes following Matthew as he left the room, his large frame looking unusually small. “If you need me, just come and get me, okay?” 

Joseph agreed, muttering a quick “see you later” as he made his way across the room, hoping no one would notice that they were gone for too long. 

He could hear Matthew’s anxious pacing before he could see him. “Matty?” 

“Did I freak out too much out there? Like, was it obvious?” He stopped in front of Joseph, turning to look at him, worry evident on his face. 

“No, no, not at all.” Joseph reached his hands up, resting them on either side of Matthew’s face. “It was just sudden, that’s all.”

“Everything sort of hit me all at once out there. The whole coming out thing, knowing everything will change, the fact that no one will see me as this version of Matthew anymore. I mean, what if they treat me differently? I don’t even know what I’d do.”

Hearing Matthew’s worries, regardless of how many times he had voiced them, shattered Joseph’s heart. “The guys might look at you differently, but it will only be in a better way. You know them much better than I do, but I still know that every single one of your teammates loves you and only wants the best for you. And if coming out is what’s best for you, then they’ll be nothing short of supportive.”

“I know, I know,” he signed in response, knowing that, as usual, Joseph was right, “it’s just scary.”

“I love you, Matty.” A reassuring kiss was pressed to Matthew’s forehead as Joseph ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm his mind. “And you're so incredibly brave, love. I’m so proud of you and I hope you know that.”

Matthew hummed in response, leaning into Joseph’s arms and taking in the silence for a minute or two.“I think I'm ready.”

“You sure?” Another kiss was pressed to Matthew’s forehead, this time longer and even more meaningful. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to rush into it.”

“No, I’m sure, I want to go tell everyone.” He sighed into Joseph’s shoulder, his arms coming to rest at the bottom of his boyfriend’s back. “I’m tired of having to hide from them. I want to be able to show everyone just how much you mean to me. Just how much I love you.”

He seemed much more confident than he had been ten minutes prior. Spending these few minutes with Joseph had clearly helped to calm his mind. He had a habit of getting all worked up in his head, which is why they worked so well together. Matthew would worry about even the smallest, most pointless things, and Joseph was always there to reassure him that everything would be okay. 

“I have the pear strudels ready to put out,” Joseph ran his hands along Matthew’s shoulders, pulling away from their hug to smile at him, embracing the last few moments of this stage of their relationship. Yes, they were happy that Matthew had decided that he was ready to come out, and they were glad that they no longer had to hide their relationship from everyone anymore, but it had been nice just the two of them. No one interfering. Just Joseph and Matthew, Matthew and Joseph. In their own little bubble, away from the noise of the world. 

“I can’t believe we’re using pear fucking strudels to come out,” Matthew giggled, “only we would do something like this.” He wasn’t wrong. He knew that cake was a popular way of coming out at the moment, but he didn’t think that pear strudels would take off quite as well. 

Joseph chuckled, smiling at his boyfriend with eyes so full of love. “It’s so cheesy, I love it. Just like I love you.”

“Shut up,” Matthew could feel the heat rising up his cheeks, burning hot like he always did when Joseph spoke to him like this, “You’re making me feel all shy.” 

“I’m just being honest,” they smiled at each other, Matthew anxiously playing with Joseph’s fingers as they took in their last few moments together, “now what do you say we go tell everyone how incredibly fucking gay we are.”

This earned another laugh from a still slightly nervous Matthew. “That sounds like a great idea.”

Matthew really appreciated how Joseph wasn’t focusing on the fact that he was coming out by turning it into an ‘us’ situation. It was comforting to him. He could already feel some of the pressure lifting from his shoulders because people were finding out that they were dating as well as the fact that Matthew was gay. He didn’t like the thought of it being just him out there, all attention focused on him. He much preferred that his coming out was only part of the announcement. A lot of people would feel like Joseph was trying to steal the attention from Matthew’s ‘big day’, but for Matthew, it was the opposite. Joseph was sharing in his announcement, making sure that he knew he wasn’t alone in all this. 

They shared one final kiss before they left the peaceful sanctuary of the hallway, going back to the party and the group of teammates who were in for a big surprise. It didn’t seem that anyone had really noticed that they were missing, aside from Morgan (who hadn’t mentioned Matthew’s slightly odd behaviour to anyone because he didn’t want to draw any attention to it), so it was relatively easy for them to slip back into the room unnoticed. Matthew made a mental note to thank Mitch later for his incredibly animated storytelling that had captured the attention of a majority of the people in the room. On their way to the kitchen, he caught a mention of Zeus, to absolutely no one’s surprise. Mitch loved that dog more than he loved life itself. 

“They’re just in here,” Joseph placed a rather large box of pear strudels on the counter, the all too familiar smell filling the room as he removed the lid, “I might have gone a bit overboard with how many I made though.”

Overboard was definitely one way to put it. There was easily enough in there to feed all of the Leafs and a good number of the Marlies as well. “Well, you certainly made enough. There’s no way that anyone won’t be getting one.” 

“What can I say, I like to be prepared.” They fell into a comfortable silence as they set the strudels out onto a tray, enjoying simply being in each other’s company, the calm before the storm and all that. 

But, as with anything, the peace could never last too long. A rather excited-looking Mitch popped his head around the door, clearly in search of the two. “Ah, there you are!” His eyes drifted towards the tray of strudels. It only took a few seconds for the cogs to turn in his head as everything fell into place, his face somehow displaying an even larger look of excitement. “Oh is it happening now? You’re telling the guys now?” 

They both nodded in answer, smiling to themselves about how happy Mitch was for them. That was something that they both really loved about Mitch. He loved absolutely everyone so unapologetically. It didn’t matter how small someone’s achievement was, he would always make a big celebration out of it. “We’re gonna be bringing them out in a few minutes.”

They could almost see the energy radiating from Mitch, so they knew that if they didn’t tell everyone soon then Mitch almost certainly would. 

“Do you want me to go get everyone ready?” Mitch asked, wanting to be as helpful as possible so the whole experience could run smoothly for Matthew, “Just flitter about and make sure everyone’s all there?”

“That would be great, Mitchy, thank you,” Matthew smiled gratefully at his teammate, forever thankful to have someone as supportive as this in his corner. 

Mitch nodded, muttering a quick goodbye as he disappeared from the kitchen as quickly as he had appeared. 

Everything was set. The strudels were on the trays, Matthew’s nerves were as settled as they could be given the situation, and Joseph almost refused to let go of his boyfriend’s hand. They turned to each other, the final moments of being in the closet sinking in. 

“You ready?” Joseph asked, smiling softly. 

“As ready as I can be.”

“They’re going to be so happy for you, seriously. Every single guy out there loves you so much. You guys are a family and they’re all going to be so glad you felt ready enough to tell them something as big as this.” Matthew leaned into his boyfriend as he listened to him speaking, pressing a gentle kiss to Joseph’s jaw before picking up the tray before them. 

“Let’s do this.” An excited whisper. 

Joseph held the door open as Matthew made his way through it and into a room full of expectations and unknown futures. 

“Hey, guys, uh, Joey made some pear strudels for everyone…” He stumbled over his words, not entirely sure of what he was going to say. Chatter quietened down as every pair of eyes in the room fell on him and the tray in his hands. “But before we eat them I just wanted to say a few things. Thank you all for coming to this. I’ve never really had a housewarming party before, but it’s been a lot of fun. Plus we’re both very happy that we’ve been able to talk about the worrying amount of Lego that’s already in here.”

He trailed off as the group let out a few chuckles, his eyes catching Mitch’s as he gave a reassuring ‘ go on ’ nod. “The whole reason I met Joey was because I wanted something sweet from a bakery. But that day, I left the bakery with two sweet things; a pear strudel and a massive crush on the guy behind the counter,” he paused to let what he’d just said sink in, “and that crush turned into my boyfriend.” The room fell silent, shocked looks appearing on a fair few faces, unsure of what to make of the news. But, in all of the silent chaos, Mitch and John stood with proud smiles on their faces. Matthew knew that no matter what happened, they had his back. “So, surprise! I’m gay.”

Matthew felt a thousand times lighter. He’d done it, he’d finally told his teammates that he was gay and he didn’t think he’d ever felt so relieved. It was almost as if he’d blacked out, only finding himself brought back to reality by a pair of arms, not Joseph’s, wrapping themselves around him as the person they belonged to told him how proud he was. 

Mo . 

Mo was the first person to say anything to him, and that meant more than he ever thought he would be able to put into words. 

“Thank you for trusting us enough to tell us, Matty, seriously. I’m glad you feel comfortable around us. I’m so, so happy for the two of you.” He pulled away from the hug, smiling up at his teammate, practically beaming with pride. 

Matthew could already tell that the aftermath of coming out was going to be so incredibly overwhelming, but he wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

Morgan turned to look at Joseph, extending an open arm to him and telling him to “get in here, you!”

So this was what John had meant when he said that this team wasn’t just like a family, it was a family. That one hug, despite only lasting thirty seconds or so, was filled with so much emotion that Matthew knew that he wouldn’t be making it through the day without crying at least three times. 

“See now you’ve told us all,” Morgan pulled away from the hug, practically beaming as he looked at the two, “we’re expecting a big run through the photo album of everything we missed. I need to see all the stupidly adorable dates you've been on.”

They laughed it off, Matthew agreeing to show him some photos later on, as his teammates congratulated him one by one. It was such a relief having everyone react so positively to the news. Matthew no longer had to worry about what they would say about him or having to keep the details of their dates to himself. 

“Kniesy,” Bobby approached Matthew, a grin on his face as he immediately wrapped his arms around his slightly overwhelmed teammate, “I’m really proud of you, you know that right?”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Matthew knew that his face was beet red by this point, everyone’s kindness towards him clearly having an effect, “I’m just really glad it all went well.” 

The relief on Matthew’s face was evident, even his presence felt lighter than Bobby had known it to be in the last few months. “Thank you for telling us though, I know it can’t have been an easy decision to make.”

He was right about that. The past weeks had been especially difficult for Matthew, filled with going back and forth with whether to come out and how on earth he would do it. “Yeah I had a rough few weeks making sure I knew it would be the right thing to do, but I just really wanted to tell everyone about Joey. I don’t know how much longer I could’ve kept my mouth shut.”

The two friends laughed, knowing that Matthew definitely wouldn’t have been able to stop himself from gushing about literally anything to do with Joseph. “Yeah, I’m actually impressed with how little you’ve told us about him. You usually yap for hours about anything and everything you could possibly talk about.” 

Their conversation could’ve continued for a while, the three of them enjoying chatting away, but it was cut short by a hand on Morgan’s shoulder; “Joe, these strudels are insane!”

The familiar laugh that sounded from Joseph made Matthew’s heart swell. “Thanks, Benny! I’ve got a few spares still in the kitchen that you can take home if you’d like?” He offered, proud as ever of his baking. 

Simon lit up at the offer, never being one to turn down baked goods in any form, never mind ones made by Joseph. “Oh, you’re a star! Thank you, Joe.” His sweet tooth was eternally grateful that Matthew had found a boyfriend who could bake.

“It’s no problem. I’m glad you like them!” Now it was Joseph’s turn to blush, busying himself with cleaning up the crumb-filled area around the snack table as he waited for the redness to subside. 

Soon enough, every single one of Matthew’s teammates had managed to congratulate him, each one so incredibly genuine that it made him more and more emotional. To have his friends be so supportive of him truly meant the world to him. To know that none of them would think less of him for who he loved, to know that they wouldn’t treat him badly or exclude him from things, made all of the stress, tears, and painful self-discovery leading up to this moment worth it. 

The celebration continued for a while longer, including a quick tour of the apartment for the people who wanted to be nosey (Mitch and Willy) and a ‘date-by-date’ photo album show and tell, before everyone eventually started to leave when the clock hit twelve. They loved Matthew, but not enough to mess up their sleep schedule and end up spending the next day grumpy from a lack of sleep. 

Only Joseph and John remained in the apartment with Matthew, his captain refusing to leave the living room a mess. With the three of them battling tired eyes at work, it wasn’t too long before the apartment was in a good enough state for the three of them to be happy with it. 

“You know, I’m really proud of you, son.” John broke the silence that had fallen between him and Matthew as Joseph made them up some tea in the kitchen. “I know that you’ve heard it a hundred times tonight, but I truly mean it. You’ve done something today that I don’t even know if I’d ever have the guts to do.”

It was at this moment that the first tears of the night decided to make an appearance, welling up in Matthew’s eyes as he hugged John. “Thanks, cap,” he sniffled in an attempt to stop himself from getting too overly emotional, not entirely sure how John would react, “that means so much coming from you.”

It was so comforting for Matthew to have someone in Toronto who he could look up to as a father figure, especially since he was so far from his own. They stood there, Matthew taking a lot of comfort from the hug that held so much meaning, a comfortable silence filling the room. 

“Now Matthew, I don’t want to overstep or push you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with yet, but would you like to go to Pride this summer?” John pulled away from the hug to look up at Matthew, unusually nervous for someone as consistently calm as he was. “And if you do, would you like me to go with you?”

Matthew couldn’t even begin to find the words to say just how much that meant to him, he just stared down at John, teary-eyed and smiling as he nodded. “Please, yes. That would mean the world to me, seriously.”

“Of course,” John smiled back, eyes beginning to well up too, “anything for you.”

Now in any other situation, this tender moment would’ve gone on a while longer, but this isn’t any other situation. It’s Matthew Knies. So of course it had to be interrupted by a cheery Joseph carrying three mugs of tea. “Take a seat and drink up, we’ve all earned it!”

He hadn’t even registered what was going on until he looked over at the two rather emotional people standing across from him. “Shit, sorry, did I ruin a moment?”

The two chuckled, smiling over at a rather apologetic-looking Joseph, Matthew shaking his head as they took their drinks from him. “No, don’t worry about it, love,” Matthew reassured his bashful boyfriend, “John just offered to go to Pride with us this summer. If that’s okay with you?”

Now it was Joseph’s turn to light up, all sense of awkwardness from his little interruption already forgotten as his face lit up at the suggestion. “Oh, that would be brilliant! I’d love it and I know Matty would too.”

“Well then, it looks like I’ll be writing it into my calendar when I get home,” John sipped from his mug, still radiating the aura of an incredibly proud father, “as soon as I find out when it actually is.”

The three of them laughed, excited about what was in store for Matthew, Joseph, and their new journey as a (slightly) out couple. It was a small step, but still a step in the right direction.

They sat and talked as they finished their drinks, about how the night went, about their plans for the summer, about if they were going to tell anyone else. And as much as John was enjoying spending time with them, it was already very late and the time for him to go to sleep was fast approaching. “Thank you for having me over tonight and I’m glad that everything went well for you, but I really should be heading off now. Aryne said she’s waiting up for me, but I didn’t realise just how late it’s gotten.”

They all stood up to say goodbye, Joseph fetching John’s coat for him as Matthew opened the door to let him out. “I’ll see you soon, Joseph,” he smiled at his teammate’s boyfriend before turning to a very tired-looking Matthew, “I know I’ve said it a hundred times already, but I really am so proud of you for doing what you did today.”

Matthew smiled bashfully, the all too familiar feeling of his cheeks heating up returning for the millionth time that night. “Thank you for being here and helping me through it all. It wasn’t easy, but you being here made it a lot nicer to do.”

“Matty, you’re part of my family now, you both are, and your family help each other no matter what.” John smiled at the two as he finished buttoning up his coat. “I’ll see you both soon, okay?”

“You’ll have to bring Aryne and the kids round soon.”

“I’ll see you soon, cap.”

And with that, the door closed and it was just the two of them remaining. It took Joseph, who was practically beaming with pride, no more than a few seconds to wrap his arms around Matthew in a hug that they both needed more than they thought they did. 

“I’m so, so proud of you, Matty,” Joseph muttered as he pressed a smattering of kisses across his boyfriend’s face, “you make me so proud to be your boyfriend.”

“I love you.” Matthew muttered, resting his head in the crook of Joseph’s neck, his body finally allowing itself to let go of all the tension of the day. 

“Oh Matty,” Joseph’s fingers fiddled with the hair at the nape of Matthew’s neck, “you’re exhausted. It’s been a long day, we should get you to bed.”

Matthew couldn’t even find the energy to respond, instead nodding his head and humming a ‘yes’ into Joseph’s shoulder. 

It took Matthew approximately five seconds to fall asleep once his head had hit his pillow, curled up into Joseph’s side, not wanting to let him go even in his sleep. For the first time in a long time, Matthew could sleep peacefully without his worries plaguing his dreams.

Chapter Text

“You’re joking.” Joseph’s jaw found itself almost on the floor as Steph nodded her head, her lips turning up into a wide grin. 

“Nope!” The excitement radiating from the two of them could surely be felt by everyone else in the bakery. “As long as Matty is okay with it, we’d all love for you to have a jacket too. I mean, this is a big deal for you guys, it’s your first playoffs together. We have to do something special for it.”

“Oh my god this is so exciting! A playoff jacket? For me?” Being Matthew’s boyfriend was already more than enough for Joseph, but officially coming out and being given the honour of a playoff jacket was the icing on top of the cake. 

Joseph had been surprised when Steph had walked through the bakery door at 2:30pm on a Wednesday afternoon, a whole two hours earlier than she usually did. Her entrance had been perfectly timed with the start of his lunch break, so he had made them both coffees and they had found themselves sat at a small table in the corner of the room. Joseph had been even more surprised when she’d asked him how he felt about joining the rest of the wives in having jackets made for this season’s playoffs. 

“Of course!” Steph laughed, slightly amused at how excited Joseph was. “It’s all up to you and Matty to talk about it and make sure you’re both okay with people finding out about the two of you because you know how intense some of the fans can get, so you’ll have to let me know what you guys agree on.” 

“Yeah, the thought of people finding out, but also I just want to be able to hold his hand in public like any other couple. He’s picking me up later so I’m sure it’ll get brought up as soon as we’re in the car.” Joseph nodded, still smiling and practically bursting with excitement. “I have absolutely no idea how I’m supposed to finish my shift and act normally now though.”

“What time do you finish?” Steph asked, chuckling quietly to herself. 

“I’m here until 5 today. The longest shift of the week for me.” He’d been at the bakery since 6:30 that morning and it had been a particularly stressful day for him so far, so he was definitely ready to finish work, go back to Matthew’s apartment, and watch Hell’s Kitchen until they fell asleep.

“Oh honey,” Steph could see just how tired he was, even through all the excitement of the last fifteen minutes, “you’ve been non-stop this week. You deserve a rest.” 

He certainly had been non-stop all week. On Monday there had been a massive panic-induced scramble to bake and decorate a birthday cake when he realised that the order form had fallen underneath a counter without anyone realising. On Tuesday he’d had to deal with one too many rude customers that really tested his patience, which takes a lot of doing because anyone would tell you that Joseph Woll never, ever raised his voice at someone. Then only a few hours before Steph had stopped by, he’d been making a coffee when Jeremy had walked past and accidentally bumped into him, spilling some very hot coffee all down Joseph’s front. It was safe to say that he hadn’t had the best week. It was only Wednesday, but Joseph was exhausted and ready to curl up under a blanket and not speak to anyone for at least a week. 

“You have no idea just how much I’m looking forward to getting home tonight.” Joseph signed, glancing down at his watch that informed him he only had ten minutes before he had to get back to work. 

Steph seemed to realise how long they had spent talking. Time really does fly when you’re having fun, doesn’t it? “Joseph,” she began, feeling bad for her visibly overworked friend, “go sit in the back and give yourself a proper break, okay? No more sitting here talking to me. Let your mind rest, even if it isn’t for long.”

Joseph could never figure out how she knew exactly what he needed, exactly when he needed it, but he thanked God every day for sending him someone who truly understood him. “Once again, you’re right. I do need a bit of silence before I have to suffer through the rest of today.” He stood up, smiling at her as he picked up his now empty mug. “You’re a star. I’ll see you soon, yeah?” 

Steph returned his smile, wrapping her arms around him as she promised to visit again before the following Wednesday if he promised to let her know about the playoff jacket as soon as he had an answer for her. 

Joseph had managed to get a grand total of three minutes and twelve seconds of silence in the break room before Jake and Jeremy burst through the door, giggling together about what Joseph could only assume was another one of their stupid jokes. “How is it that I can always hear you two coming before I can see you?”

They turned to look at each other, smirking as they shrugged and looked back at Joseph. 

“No idea,” Jeremy replied with a look of false innocence on his face.

“I mean, we aren’t loud or anything, are we?” Jake continued, matching Jeremy’s expression almost perfectly. 

“You guys age me, you really do.” All Joseph could do in that moment was sigh and sink somehow deeper into the chair. 

“Well, I’m glad you’ve mentioned it because I wasn’t too sure how to bring up the greys I’ve been starting to see recently.” Jeremy moved closer to Joseph, ruffling his hair with a quiet chuckle. 

“Or the wrinkles that have appeared.” Jake teased. 

“Oh give it a rest you two.” Joseph brushed them off, still managing to find the energy to play along. “Pests.” He shook his head.

They laughed at Joseph’s response, both flopping down in the chairs on either side of him. 

“What did Steph want?” Jeremy asked, remembering that she was earlier than she usually was. “We don’t usually see her until later on.”

Joseph was going to tell them, but he also knew how terrible they both were at keeping secrets, and until he’d decided what to do with Matthew he really didn’t want anyone apart from them finding out. They were the people who encouraged him to go after Matthew in the first place, after all. 

“Okay,” Joseph sighed, pushing himself up in the chair a little, “you can’t tell a single soul about this yet because I haven't talked to Matty about it yet, okay?” They both nodded, half intrigued, half terrified at what they were about to hear. “Not even your moms, because I know what you guys are like.”

“Pinky swear.”

“Cross my heart.”

Not entirely convinced, but realising that he wasn’t going to get anything else out of them, Joseph began to perk up as he thought about what he was about to say. “So, Steph asked if I wanted a playoff jacket, if Matty’s okay with it of course.” 

There was a period of approximately five seconds of silence as Jeremy and Jake let the news sink in before they practically flew out of their chairs to envelop Joseph in a very squeezy hug. 

“Oh my god, you’re gonna be a proper wag!” Jeremy gushed, overflowing with excitement. 

Jake was beaming, happy that his friend had finally found someone he could be himself around. “You’re in it for the long run now, J. There’s no going back.” They grinned at each other, their smiles saying everything that needed to be said between the two and so much more. 

Joseph continued to answer questions that were being thrown at him left, right, and centre for what felt like an eternity before Sarah, their friend and recent employee of the bakery, poked her head through the door, a slightly concerned look crossing her face as she saw the rather strange hug situation that was happening in front of her. “So, I’m not sure if I understand what’s going on right now, and I don’t really think I want to, but I kinda need some more help up front because it’s starting to get busy and I’m not trained enough to do all this by myself yet.”

The trio froze, giggles of slight embarrassment breaking the silence between Sarah’s interruption and their response. 

“My break just ended, so I’ll be out in a minute, yeah?” Joseph smiled at her as he checked his watch and realised that he’d taken a longer break than intended after his original plans of sitting in silence long derailed. 

Sarah smiled, relief washing over her face. “You’re a star, thanks.”

“No worries,” Joseph replied, turning to his two friends after she left and pushing them away from him, “now stop distracting me, I have to go do my job. Something you guys have absolutely no experience in.”

Looks of mock offence fell across their faces. 

“How dare you suggest that we don’t do our jobs when we should!” Jeremy’s voice trailed off as Joseph walked through the door, apologising to Sarah for leaving her to work by herself during the start of the afternoon rush. 

As much as Joseph hated the ever so slightly overwhelming feeling of dealing with customer after customer in a room with constantly rising noise levels, he did like how fast it made time go. What felt like thirty minutes had actually been the rest of his shift. He would’ve continued working too if Matthew hadn’t found himself leaning up against the counter, smiling at his boyfriend as he ordered a coffee and a pear strudel for himself and Joseph. 

“Matty!” Joseph’s face lit up at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. 

“Hey you,” Matthew beamed at the sight of his boyfriend, “how’s today been?” He knew that Joseph hadn’t exactly had the easiest start to the week, each day somehow presenting an even more difficult challenge, so he couldn’t wait to get them both back to his apartment as soon as was humanly possible. 

His hopes of Joseph having an easier week were met with a sigh. “No major disasters today, which is a nice change, but it’s just been a really long day and a busy afternoon.” He moved around behind the counter, looking up briefly as he made two coffees for their drive home. “I’m just ready for a break.” Joseph picked up a small paper bag of pastries after giving Matthew the coffee and letting Jake and Jeremy know that he was leaving. “The weekend can’t come sooner.” A dry chuckle. 

“Oh love,” they fell into step with each other as they left the cafe, beginning the slightly longer than usual walk to the car due to a rather inconvenient lack of parking spaces, “you’re overworking yourself.” As much as Joseph didn’t want to admit it, Matthew was right. He was spending almost every possible hour in the bakery and it was finally all catching up to him. “I know you love the bakery, but you also need to have Joey time. Just like how I love hockey, but I also know that I need to spend time away from it. It’s all about balance.”

“Matty, I love you, but you’ve been spending way too much time with John lately.” Joseph let out a chuckle at the mock offence plastered across Matthew’s face. “You’re being too wise and I don’t like it.”

Matthew unlocked his car that they were quickly approaching, shaking his head. “I think you’ll find I’m always this wise, thank you very much.”

They continued their light bickering for the first few minutes of the drive before settling into a comfortable silence that they both realised they really needed after the busy days they’d had. Joseph couldn’t help but think about how he was going to approach Matthew about Steph’s suggestion, unsure of exactly how he would react. Realistically, he knew that Matthew would be more than okay with it, but there was still that nagging doubt at the back of his mind. What if he was overstepping? What if Matthew wasn’t ready yet?

“You can either tell me what’s up or stop thinking so loud.” Matthew interrupted Joseph’s spiralling, clearly aware that something was on his mind.

“Can it wait until we get home? It’s not something I really want to bring up in the car.” Joseph replied, his voice almost a whisper.

“Is everything okay?” Immediately, as usual, Matthew’s mind jumped to the worst possible outcome. “You’re not breaking up with me, are you? Did I do something wrong?”

Joseph hadn’t exactly thought about how what he just said came across. On second thought, it did kind of seem like he was preparing Matthew for the worst. “God no, Matty, of course I’m not breaking up with you. Everything’s fine, I just don’t think it’s a car-appropriate conversation. You’ve not done anything wrong, I promise.”

Matthew didn’t even have to reply, his deep exhale of a breath he didn't even realise he had been holding in was enough of a response to tell Joseph that he was no longer panicking. “Okay, okay, good. For a second there I thought I was gonna get dumped in my own car. Which is so much worse than getting dumped over the phone, by the way.”

They laughed off Matthew’s brief moment of panic and, after Joseph reassuring him that everything genuinely was fine, they fell back into their silence for the rest of the drive home, only occasionally breaking it to point out a bird or a cute dog they saw someone walking. 

It took no more than two minutes from when Joseph walked through the door for him to be sat on the couch in his pyjamas, sighing deeply as he felt the stress of the week melt away. He was back in Matthew’s apartment now. He was home. 

Matthew joined him a few moments later, flopping down onto the couch and allowing Joseph to tuck himself under his arm. “Better?”

“So much better.” A much more relaxed Joseph replied, looking up at his boyfriend at smiling. 

“Now what is it you had to talk to me about?”

Suddenly Joseph was nervous again. He wasn’t even nervous about asking Matthew, it was the thought of his boyfriend thinking that he had to come out because Joseph wanted to wear a playoff jacket. He knew how big and new all of this was to Matthew, so the last thing he wanted was for him to feel pressure to come out before he was ready. He didn’t want to be the cause of anything like that. 

“Okay, so Steph came in today with an idea,” Matthew nodded as Joseph paused, “and I don’t want you to feel like you have to agree to this because if you’re even a tiny bit uncomfortable with the idea then we don’t have to do it and I won’t be upset, but she wanted to know if you’d be okay with me getting a playoff jacket…”

He had no idea what to make of the way Matthew paused, replying with silence. Joseph looked up at his boyfriend nervously, eyes scanning his face in an attempt to decode the look on his face. 

“Make sure you get a bigger size. So it looks like you’re wearing one of my jackets, yeah?” Matthew grinned, breaking his silence with a burst of excitement at the thought of seeing Joseph in a jacket with his number on it. 

Joseph sat up, eyes bright. “You’re serious?”

“Of course I am, love,” he pressed a kiss to Joseph’s forehead, followed by Joseph pressing a kiss to his lips, “I’ve been dying to see my smoking hot boyfriend in a smoking hot jacket.”

“Oh my god you’re so stupid,” Joseph couldn’t help but laugh at his incredibly cheesy boyfriend, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Joey, so much.” 

“I love you too, Matty.” It took Joseph all of fifteen seconds before he let the excitement of getting a playoff jacket hit him again and the two of them were back to being their usual over-excited selves. Joseph because he was finally going to be a part of the official Leaf's partners now that he had a jacket, and Matthew because he was finally going to be able to tell the world that Joseph was his boyfriend and he got to see him in a jacket with his name on the back. “I’m gonna text Steph to let her know you said yes. Can you sort out the TV please, love?” 

Matthew hummed a response as he messed around with the remote while Joseph frantically messaged Steph to add a ‘Knies 23’ jacket onto the list. “Ooh, we only have three episodes of this season left, so we can get it finished tonight?” He already knew that Joseph would say yes to finishing the rest of their favourite Hell’s Kitchen season so far, so he didn’t quite understand why he’d phrased it as a question. 

“Perfect! I’ve waited all week to find out who wins.” Joseph snuggled down, once again finding himself tucked underneath Matthew’s arm, head resting on his chest as he traced shapes across his boyfriend’s bare stomach. “Then we can go to sleep because I don’t know about you, but I’m absolutely exhausted. I think I could probably sleep for at least a week.”

“Sounds like a plan…” Matthew trailed off, still in a slight state of disbelief that Joseph was actually his boyfriend. It had been long enough by now that most people wouldn’t still get like this, but then again, Matthew wasn’t like most people. Not when he was lucky enough to have someone who loved him as unconditionally as Joseph did. 

-

As expected, the Leafs had made the playoffs and were facing off against Boston in the first round. An absolutely terrifying concept, but something that they all had to live with. After all, it was the Stanley Cup playoffs. Anything could happen. 

It had been yet another day that tested Joseph’s patience. It was impressive just how insanely fucking dense some customers could be. He didn’t think it was that hard to order a pastry and a coffee, but for some reason no one in the bakery that morning seemed to know how to without making everything ten times more complicated than it was supposed to be. 

Despite all this, the universe somehow knew exactly what he needed to relieve the stress and exhaustion from a week that had felt like a year. It was a Friday afternoon and he wasn’t going to be seeing Matthew until Sunday due to him being away on a road game, so he really needed something to cheer him up, and a pear strudel just wasn't going to work this time. 

A mysterious, yet perfectly timed to be a playoff jacket, package had been delivered an hour or so before Joseph had returned home and he couldn’t be more excited. Steph had kept him in the dark about what the jacket would look like, insisting that it had to be a surprise since it was his first playoff jacket, not only with the team but his first jacket ever. 

He’d seen playoff jackets of the past, having spent the last god knows how long searching for pictures of them after Steph asked him. There wasn’t a single past jacket that he hadn’t loved and this one was no exception. It was simple, a lovely almost baby blue colour, jacket with the Leafs logo on the back and the long-awaited ‘23’ on the front. It didn’t scream ‘I’m dating one of the players’ and Joseph loved that. It meant that he wouldn’t feel like he was broadcasting the fact that he was dating Matthew to the entire world, instead showing that he was there to support Matthew. If people saw it then they saw it. It didn’t feel obnoxious like he had seen some other playoff jackets look.

It was soft, too. So, so soft. That paired with the oversized fit truly did make for the perfect jacket. Joseph slipped it on, running his fingers over the stitching and really taking in the fact that he actually had a playoff jacket. Like, he was standing in his living room wearing it. This was the way that people were going to find out about his relationship. He was looking forward to being able to be with Matthew in public, but the thought of people knowing about them was still mildly terrifying. 

Joseph had spent a good fifteen minutes standing in front of his mirror staring at the jacket, still in a state of slight disbelief that he was not only wearing one, but he was now the very proud owner of an absolutely gorgeous playoff jacket. He could have probably stood there for another hour, but his phone lighting up and letting off a quiet ding pulled Joseph out of his own little world and into the world of his texts with Steph. 

Did you get your jacket? It should’ve arrived today!

He grinned, typing almost too fast to make sense and attaching a picture of a beaming Joseph proudly showing off Matthew’s number in the mirror. 

Omg Steph you’ve smashed it!! I think I’m in love

Her reply was almost immediate. He could practically feel the excitement through the phone. After the whole coming-out-slash-housewarming party, Joseph had found himself added to the newly renamed ‘Leafs Ladies (and Joey)’ group chat and he’d been welcomed with open arms and a host of lovely messages. They’d told him that he wasn’t allowed any input on the jacket designs, not because he was new, but because they all wanted to make him a jacket that he would never forget. And they had succeeded because he already wanted to wear it everywhere. 

Joey! You look incredible in blue - Matty definitely chose well

Have you shown him yet? 

Joseph hadn’t even had time to show Matthew the jacket yet, too busy imagining the multitude of ways his boyfriend could react. All were good and all involved an incredibly head over heels Matthew. 

Not yet. I will as soon as I stop staring at myself in the mirror though

Oh Joey, you’re gonna kill him off. 

Go send him a picture. I can guarantee that he’ll lose his shit immediately

And with that, his texts with Steph ended and his texts with Matthew started.

Matty

Matty honey

I have a surprise for you…

Now, to Matthew, a surprise from Joseph could be a freshly baked pear strudel (which in this case he seriously doubted it was considering the rather large distance between them at that moment) or he could have booked an entire backpacking holiday and not given him a choice in whether or not he was going. 

oh?

a surprise you say?

should i be scared or …?

Joseph found himself giggling as he spent a moment taking as many photos of himself in the jacket as was humanly possible. 

joey?

come on ur killing me here

It was hard to choose just one photo to send, so instead of keeping Matthew waiting as he made a decision, Joseph opted to send a few photos; one of the back, one of the front, and a close-up of the number ‘23’ on the front. 

It wasn’t unusual for Matthew to need a minute after seeing pictures of his boyfriend, so a minute or so of silence from his other half wasn’t anything too surprising to Joseph. What was surprising, however, was the complete lack of response after five minutes had passed. It was at this point that Joseph’s thoughts began too spiral again. What if Matthew didn’t like it? What if seeing him in the jacket had made him realise that he wasn’t ready to come out? 

Matty?

You still there? 

All of Joseph’s worries disappeared as soon as he received Matthew’s response, a laugh erupting from his lips. 

sorry i was getting on a plane so i can come see u in that jacket in person and then so i can see u when i take it off

Only Matthew Knies could come up with a response like that. 

Oh my god Matty 

You’re so dumb 

I love you  

Joseph shook his head as he chuckled to himself. “I can’t believe I fell in love with a complete idiot.”

ur so hot

pls wear my number more often

A brief pause.

please

I knew you’d like the pictures, but I didn’t realise you’d get like this 

Buy yes of course I’ll steal all your clothes 

You don’t have to ask me twice. They’re all so comfy.

Joseph didn’t think he’d ever be fully ready to receive the message that Matthew sent next. 

can u send another picture in the jacket but with ur shirt off?

Joseph laughed again, completely unphased at his boyfriend’s behaviour. It was absurd, but nothing new. 

Matthew.

Behave. 

You’re unbelievable. 

pretty please :( 

Nope :) 

You’re just going to have to wait until you get back for that

>:(

i’ll give you ten minutes to reconsider

Ten minutes of wasted time, my love

And with that, Joseph was left on read. He had no idea why Matthew still did the whole ‘ten minutes to reconsider’ thing. It hadn’t worked once during the entire duration of their relationship, and it certainly wasn’t about to start happening now. 

As much as he wanted to keep the jacket on for the rest of his life, Joseph knew that he had to take it off and make sure that nothing else happened to it. If he got even the tiniest stain on it he was afraid that Steph would dump him on behalf of Matthew. She was lovely, but he had come to realise that when it came to playoff jackets she was absolutely terrifying. 

With the jacket now hung up in his wardrobe away from any and all disasters, he found his comfy position on the couch and opened his messages with Steph. 

You were right. 

He did lose his mind. 

She replied almost immediately as if she had been waiting for his response ever since their last message. 

Oh I know. 

Mitch sent me a text saying Matty had gone all red and wouldn’t tell anyone what was up

Joseph couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of a typically chatty Matthew rendered a speechless, blushing mess in the middle of spending time with his teammates.

That’s hilarious oh my god 

I’m never letting him live this down

Please don’t

Just continue bullying him forever we all love it when you do that

Of course I will. Why else would I be dating him?

They exchanged a few more messages before Steph insisted he put his phone down and have a relaxing evening after the absolutely hellish week he’d told her about. 

And that is exactly what he did. He had to let Matthew down by telling him that the jacket was off, but his clothes were still on before their conversation was interrupted by Mitch stealing Matthew’s phone and threatening to block Joseph if he carried on interrupting their “date night” involving Mario Kart and some sushi. 

Joseph settled under the blanket that he’d dragged over from his bedroom before switching the TV on and his brain off. The movie of the night was a classic Joseph film: Chicken Run. It didn’t take him long before his eyes began to droop and sleep overcame his exhausted mind, no alarm set because he had absolutely nothing to do the following day apart from sleep and give himself a proper break from the fast-paced life he’d been living. 

When he awoke, instead of a good morning text, he was met with a short sentence from Matthew that made him shake his head at his boyfriend as he once again questioned why they were dating. 

so no naked jacket pics then :( i see how it is

-

There was something about seeing Joseph in blue that drove Matthew insane, especially when it had his number on the front. Everyone was going to know that Joseph was his and he couldn’t have been happier about it. When he’d opened the door to see his boyfriend standing there, positively bursting as he rocked on his heels, Matthew had very nearly lost his cool. 

They hadn’t even had much time to talk to each other; Matthew had to leave for the rink and was already running slightly late, and Joseph was going out for a quick drink with the rest of the wives before the game started. 

“You look…” Matthew’s eyes took in the sight of his boyfriend standing before him, “so insanely hot right now.” 

“Stop it,” somehow, even though he received compliments from Matthew on the daily, Joseph couldn’t help but blush, “you’re giving me butterflies again.” 

Matthew smiled, pressing a kiss to Joseph’s lips as he intertwined their fingers, enjoying the silence that fell between them. This was his first proper playoffs with the Leafs. He didn’t want to count the previous year’s playoffs considering he had only just signed with the team and missed a good chunk of it dealing with a concussion. Yes, those were his first playoff games, but this year he was ready to bounce back and avoid another concussion at all costs. 

Joseph could sense Matthew’s nerves. Not that he blamed him for being nervous. They were playing against Boston in a playoff series that felt like it meant so much more than the first round, surrounded by some of the most intense fans who would switch up on even the best players for making a simple mistake, and he was technically coming out on top of it all. He pressed his forehead to Matthew’s, whispering words of encouragement in an attempt to make it even the smallest bit easier. “No matter what happens, you’ll always be my Matty. You make me so proud every day and nothing will ever change that.”

“You always know exactly what to say.” Matthew wrapped his arms around Joseph, relishing in the comfort that his boyfriend brought. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Joseph replied, rubbing circles into Matthew’s back with his thumbs, “now let’s get going and get you to the playoffs.”

They drove in a familiar silence, not needing to say anything. To Matthew, Joseph’s presence, not only at the game but also in his life, provided him with more comfort than he would care to admit. 

Matthew drove around the car park, looking out for Mitch’s car so they could find Steph and Joseph could leave with her when they entered the rink. It took them a few minutes, but they eventually spotted the couple standing by their car, waving once they realised it was Matthew and Joseph driving towards them. 

Before they left the car, they decided to have one last moment together. This was it. The next time they saw each other game one would be over and people outside of their close friends would know about their relationship. They would know that Matthew was gay. 

Joseph’s hand cupped Matthew’s face, stroking his cheek as they smiled at each other. 

“I love you to the moon and back, Matty. You mean everything to me and I couldn’t be prouder to call you my boyfriend. Now get out there and win yourself the cup.”

Matthew chuckled at Joseph’s little motivational speech, appreciating every word regardless of how silly he felt. 

“Anything for you, Joey.” Their lips met once more, this kiss feeling so much more meaningful than the last. “Now let’s get going.”

They smiled at each other before exiting the car, smiling at Steph and Mitch as they walked over to meet them. 

“Oh Joey,” Steph gushed, smiling widely as she saw him in his jacket properly for the first time, “you look great! I knew that blue was the perfect colour for you.”

“It’s definitely Matty approved, I can tell you that much.” Joseph replied, eyes drifting over to his boyfriend who had picked the perfect timing to stand there checking him out. 

“I can see that.” Steph muttered, a knowing smile on her lips. She turned to the two nervous players beside them, ushering them in the right direction as she told them to “have a good game and keep hold of all your teeth… that goes for both of you.”

They laughed as they said one last goodbye before turning to head in and prepare for the game ahead. Steph immediately linked her arm through Joseph’s, leading him in the direction of the bar where the rest of the wives were waiting. 

Aryne was one of the first to greet them, immediately walking over with a smile on her face. “Steph! Joseph! Perfect timing,” she hugged them both, “I’m just about to get a drink, so you guys can come with me.”

“How are you liking the jacket?” Aryne turned to face Joseph, immediately clocking the shy smile on his face. “You were made to wear that blue. You look great, honey.”

“It’s gorgeous,” Joseph traced the 23 with his fingers again, “I like that it’s not a crazy in-your-face sort of jacket, it’s much more me.”

“I’m glad you like it. We wanted it to be more subtle so it didn’t overwhelm you or anything.” The genuine kindness that he had been shown in the recent weeks meant so much to Joseph. Yes, they were treating him differently than if he had been Matthew’s girlfriend, but it was in a way that was so caring because they wanted to make sure that everything ran smoothly for him. They treated him differently because they wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible in a time that they all knew was going to be absolutely terrifying for both him and Matthew. 

“You guys are incredible, I hope you know how much I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.” He looked between them, a grateful smile on his face. 

“We’re just glad you’re happy here.” Steph rested her hand on his arm reassuringly. 

They paid for their drinks and made their way to the rest of the group, a chorus of ‘hello’s greeting them. They didn’t have too long before they needed to head off, so they were just having one drink. Joseph had been so lost in conversation, forgetting that they weren’t the only people in the bar, that he hadn’t noticed the few people nudging each other as they realised he wasn’t a girlfriend with short hair, but he was in fact a player’s boyfriend. 

It wasn’t until they had all finished their drinks and broken off into smaller groups to make their way to the game that Joseph checked his phone. There was the usual notification from games he forgot he’d downloaded reminding him to play, a few messages from his family, and then an influx of new Instagram followers that he hadn’t been expecting. 

He wasn’t panicking about it, he knew what would happen when people started to find out about him and Matthew, it was more just the speed that people had managed to figure out who he was. It wasn’t like they’d been sitting there with a big neon sign announcing that he was wearing Matthew’s number or anything. 

“How have people started finding me already? He hasn’t even posted any pictures of us together.” Joseph’s eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the new Instagram followers that had started to fill up his notifications. 

Steph and Aryne looked at each other, knowing exactly what Joseph was feeling in the moment. “Twitter.” They said, almost in unison. 

“News travels fast on there.” And didn’t they know it. “There’s no secrets anymore. The second one person finds something out, everyone finds out.”

Aryne stopped walking and turned to a slightly anxious Joseph. “No one’s said anything bad have they?” In the time that Matthew had spent living with her and John, she had grown close with Joseph, always enjoying the long conversations they had when the others were out. She felt protective over him, not wanting anyone to make such an important moment for him any harder than it already was. 

Joseph shook his head. “No, no. Nothing yet, just some new followers so far.”

“You’ll tell me if people start being horrible, though?” She wanted to make sure that both Joseph and Matthew would be happy and safe now that they were officially out. She knew all too well how horrible people could be about these things. 

“Of course I will, don’t worry. I’m not scared about what people will say, I guess it's just a lot to take in all at once.”

Satisfied that Joseph was in fact okay with everything that was happening, they continued walking until they were inside and seated, drinks in hand, waiting for the game to begin. The atmosphere in the building was electric. People were buzzing everywhere and the excitement only grew when both teams were out on the ice for warm-ups. Even though he’d been to games before, Joseph still couldn’t stop himself from watching Matthew as he skated around, preparing for the game and occasionally messing around with his teammates. 

Aryne noticed that Joseph was being a little quiet and leaned over to him, her voice raised slightly so it could be heard above the noise. “Everything’s going to be okay, Joseph.” She paused, sending a reassuring smile over in his direction. “He’s going to be okay.”

“I know,” he thanked her, returning her smile, “but you know how I worry.”

“Well stop worrying and enjoy the game, Joe, enjoy the fact that you’re wearing his number.”

As usual, Aryne was right. He was sat in Scotiabank Arena surrounded by some of the best friends he’d ever had wearing an absolutely gorgeous playoff jacket and watching the love of his life live out his dream. Regardless of what other people thought about Matthew having a boyfriend, nothing would be able to change the fact that Joseph was genuinely so happy, so proud, of where he was in life. 

He had the boyfriend of his dreams and no one was taking that away from him. 

Chapter Text

Matthew really should’ve seen this coming after the disaster of a 5-1 loss in game 1. Losing the series, getting knocked out of the playoffs, the sinking feeling of responsibility and guilt that came along with it. He felt so much worse than he did last year, partly because he hadn’t had to miss a good chunk of the playoffs due to a concussion and partly because he had last season’s loss still weighing heavy on his mind. Joseph had warned him that he would only feel worse after every playoff loss, the disappointment and desire to win building up year after year until they eventually won. 

He hated it when Joseph was right about things like this. Despite having never played professional hockey, he somehow always knew to say exactly what Matthew needed to hear. He didn’t think he could love Joseph any more than he already did until he reminded him that “the happiness you feel when you win is for every loss you’ve experienced trying to get to where you ended up.”

Matthew couldn’t remember exactly how he’d responded to that, but he was sure it was something along the lines of “You’re so wise and I hate it” followed by a kiss. 

After the first game of the series, Matthew had found himself barely even caring about the loss anymore. Joseph’s playoff jacket found itself discarded on the bedroom floor the moment Matthew had kissed him, becoming no more than an afterthought for the rest of the night despite spending most of the day consuming Matthew’s every waking thought. Joseph was intoxicating. There wasn’t a single thing about him that Matthew wasn’t completely addicted to. 

The week following the start of the playoffs had been a whirlwind for the two of them. On top of having to deal with being in the playoffs, Matthew had also had to deal with coming out as gay and everything that came with that. It had been a lot and Matthew wasn’t going to deny it. To say he was mentally exhausted would have been an understatement. If he wasn’t answering questions about how the team was playing he was answering questions about every single aspect of his relationship.

He didn’t realise quite how many people would question whether or not dating Joseph would distract him from playing. It frustrated Matthew to see that a hockey player having a partner was never an issue until he had a boyfriend rather than a girlfriend. He was being treated differently and he hated it. 

Matthew found himself barely touching his phone out of fear that he’d see what people were saying. He knew that the internet was horrible enough before being a gay hockey player, so he could only imagine the things that people were saying now. Naturally, Joseph reassured him that people were being great about the whole situation, even showing him the occasional tweet from fans who wanted to make sure he knew that they would always have his back no matter what. Matthew’s favourite tweet by far was someone declaring that “lesbians love Matthew Knies”. They loved it so much that Joseph decided to print it out to keep for whenever they needed a good laugh. Plus, from what they had seen online, lesbians truly did love Matthew Knies. They had seen nothing but love from them ever since the announcement. 

Not only had Matthew seen support from people online, but he had also received an overwhelming amount of support from players across the league. When Sidney Crosby had texted him ‘ proud of you, kid ’ and offered him words of encouragement telling him that he belonged in the league just as much as every other player there, if not more, it had felt surreal. The Sidney Crosby had said he admired how much courage it must have taken to come out as gay at the very start of his career. Matthew would be lying if he said he hadn’t teared up reading it. 

Obviously, the rest of the team had already known, but they had all made such an effort to make it publicly known that none of them were going to be putting up with anything negative being said about Matthew. Sure, he knew that they all supported him, but seeing his teammates not only support him in coming out but also educating themselves on things that they hadn’t even realised about just how difficult it was to be a gay NHL player, made him realise that Toronto was his home. This team was his family. 

- 

The start of the playoffs felt like a lifetime ago. He’d experienced the rush of winning and the crushing low of the moment of realisation that the Leafs had been knocked out of the playoffs. So much had happened and Joseph had supported him through every last second of it, even when he knew he was being a grumpy pain in the ass. Even then Joseph had remained patient and given him absolutely everything he possibly could to share in his frustration. 

The first twenty-four hours after being knocked out by the Bruins were tough. Sure, Joseph had seen how Matthew got after a loss, but he hadn’t been with him during the playoffs before. Every emotion of Matthew’s he had felt was at least a hundred times more intense. 

Matthew’s mind was all over the place. He felt awful, so when he opened the front door to a cold, dark apartment, he broke down. He hadn’t even realised that Joseph was at work, or that he had his own place to go home to. In all the chaos, Matthew had forgotten that Joseph wouldn’t be there. He wasn’t there when Matthew needed him the most. 

Joseph had no idea how long Matthew had been curled up on the couch in the dark, tears streaming down his face as the last few weeks finally caught up with him, but judging by his hoarse voice and puffy eyes, it had been much longer than Joseph would have ever wanted to imagine. 

“Matty?” He wouldn’t have even realised his boyfriend was there had he not heard the sniffles echoing through the otherwise silent apartment. “Matty, love, you’re all in the dark.” Joseph moved to switch on a lamp as he made his way over to the couch, not wanting to blind Matthew with the bright ceiling lights. Joseph had barely even sat down next to Matthew before he felt his boyfriend’s body curl up against his, wanting nothing more than the comfort of knowing he had someone there who would always put ‘Matty his boyfriend’ over ‘Matthew Knies the hockey player’, regardless of whether the Leafs had won or lost. As long as Matthew was okay, Joseph was too.

They lost track of time, sitting there in silence as Joseph carded his fingers through Matthew’s hair, something he knew was guaranteed to help calm him down and regulate his breathing. Joseph didn’t even really know what to say, but sometimes that was best. Sometimes his presence alone was more than enough for Matthew. Simply being around Joseph grounded him better than anything else ever had. 

“How are you feeling now?” Joseph asked, voice cracking after sitting there for so long. 

“Fucking awful.” Matthew’s voice wasn’t much better. Hoarse, gritty, so incredibly tired of everything. 

“I know, honey, I know.” Seeing his boyfriend like this hurt him like nothing else. It was bad enough having to watch the feeling of being responsible becoming all Matthew could think about, but knowing that there was nothing that he could do to help aside from sit there and hope that he was enough. 

“I could’ve done so much more. I should’ve done so much more.” 

“No, Matty,” Joseph wasn’t about to sit there and let his boyfriend start to spiral after the whirlwind of the last few days he’d had, “you did absolutely everything you could.”

“But what if-”

“Stop it, Matthew.” Joseph hadn’t stopped playing with the hair at the nape of Matthew’s neck, twirling it between his fingers as a constant reminder that he was still there, even if he couldn’t find the words that Matthew needed to hear. “You tried your very best, the whole team did, but not everything is going to work out all the time. You can learn from this, yeah? Come back even better next year.”

Matthew hummed in response, still unconvinced. Deep down he knew that this was just the way it was, but he needed to blame something for how the season had ended, and it just so happened that he was his own easiest target. That was generally how things went for him. It was always easiest for him to blame himself for anything that went wrong; no one could argue back if he did. 

“How many ‘next year’s do I have to go through, though?” Matthew’s voice was barely a whisper, traces of frustration evident in his tone.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s easy to say we’ll win next year, but eventually there won’t be a next year. What if I don’t win by then? How am I supposed to just accept the fact that I might never win, that I might never win the cup?” Matthew tended to worry about these things, believing that he would never amount to anything if he never won the cup, believing that he would have wasted his career and failed to do the one thing he had sent his entire life pushing himself to achieve. 

“Not everyone will win the cup, love, that’s just the way it is. And there’s no point in worrying about the future. It’s all out of your control.” Joseph’s heart broke even more listening to the defeat growing in his boyfriend’s voice. He didn’t know what hurt more, seeing Matthew blame himself for losing in the playoffs or knowing that there was nothing he could do to make him feel better,

“But it’s all I’ve ever wanted.” And just like that, Matthew was six years old again, standing in front of his mirror lifting an imaginary Stanley Cup over his head after scoring the game 7-winning goal in the Stanley Cup Finals. 

“And you just have to make the most out of every opportunity you can get.” Joseph traced circles into his boyfriend’s shoulder in an attempt to reassure him, “Now stop thinking about things you can’t change and pick a movie to watch. I know you’re upset, but I’m not having you spending your evening wallowing in self-pity.”

It took a few moments of bickering and Joseph tucking the blanket under Matthew’s chin so he couldn’t reach the remote for the two to eventually decide on what film they were going to watch. The room finally felt a bit more peaceful like it usually did when they were together. 

But, as with most things in their relationship, the peace never lasted long. They couldn’t have been more than ten minutes into Shrek 2 before Joseph signed, pressing pause and turning his attention to Matthew. “You’re thinking too loud.”

“It’s hard not to think about it, Joey,” Matthew sighed frustration once again making its presence known in his voice, “but it’s so hard to just switch off after everything that’s happened. Or everything that didn’t happen, I guess.”

“Okay, that’s it.” Joseph sat up, determined to do as much as he could to help the situation at hand. “We’re going away.” He pulled his laptop onto his lap, a focused look making its way across his face. 

“Away? Where?” Matthew’s confusion was only met with Joseph’s silence and the clicking of his keyboard. “Joey, what do you mean we’re going away?”

“We need to get you away from here, from all the negativity, all the stress of everything that’s happening right now. I’m taking you away for a few weeks. It’ll be good to recharge and realise your worth.”

Matthew didn’t really know what to make of this. Sure, it would probably do him a whole world of good to escape Toronto for a while, to escape the multitude of emotions that were slowly suffocating him. “Where were you thinking?”

“We’re going hiking.” Joseph’s response was immediate. He’d never been knocked out of the Stanley Cup playoffs before, but he had still felt the same things that he knew his boyfriend was feeling. He knew exactly what Matthew needed to do to prevent himself from drowning in guilt, frustration, and self-pity. “In Europe.”

“We can hike here though?” Matthew wasn’t entirely sure why they had to go all the way to Europe just to go on a mind-clearing hike. He lived in Canada now and there was still so much of the country that he wanted to explore. 

Joseph sighed. “Matty,” he ran his hand along his boyfriend’s arm without even realising, “you need to get as far away from all this noise as possible. Europe is going to be exactly what you need. Trust me.”

“Okay,” the silence that fell between the two as Matthew realised that, once again, Joseph was in fact right found itself broken by his ‘admitting defeat’ chuckle, “where are we going?”

-

In the week that followed their decision (or Joseph’s announcement) to go on holiday, both Matthew and Joseph found themselves spreading themselves thin. They had hardly had time to see each other beyond a shared coffee here and there between Matthew’s end of season wrap up, the increasing media attention from announcing their relationship, and Joseph picking up more shifts at the bakery to make sure that their hiking trip would be everything Matthew had dreamed of and more.

“I just,” Joseph sighed, dusting flour from his cheek as he turned to look at his co-workers, “it’s so hard to know how to be there for him when he won’t fully let me in.” 

“Sometimes you can’t help with these things.” Jeremy rested his arm on Joseph's shoulder in an attempt to reassure him.

“Yeah, like, you’re there for him when he needs you, right?” Jeremy asked, borderline desperate to know what was going on inside his best friend’s head. 

“Of course I’m there for him. I always have been and he knows that. I just don’t think I can be too helpful giving advice about how to get through an interview all about coming out as gay. It isn’t exactly a common experience is it?” Joseph wasn’t exactly wrong. He didn’t have any idea how to help Matthew get through what was essentially just twenty minutes of being grilled about the fact that he’s a gay man who just so happens to play professional hockey. 

Jeremy sighed, trying to put his thoughts into words that would actually form a coherent sentence rather than a jumble of words that just ‘fit the vibe’ of the point he was trying to make. “Joe, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I think this might be one of those things that you can’t help with. The best thing you could do for Matthew right now is just be there for him - be the one thing in his life that he can rely on as being a constant. Because God knows he’s struggling to even comprehend the amount of change in his life right now.”

Joseph knew that his friend was right. Matthew was struggling to stay afloat in a sea of uncertainty and new experiences. He was having to deal with pressures and expectations that Joseph would never even be able to begin to comprehend. Sure, he’d had to come out to his friends and family just like any other gay person has, but through all that he’d never had to deal with the pressures of the whole world - fans of a sport that was well known for being rife with homophobia regardless of how much people were trying to change that - weighing down on his shoulders. He could help Matthew with the coming out aspect of it all, but there was no way in hell that he would be able to provide his boyfriend with the advice he needed at that moment. All he could do was be there for him; face every hurdle right there by his side. He had to make sure Matthew knew that he wouldn’t be alone for even a second. 

Silence had fallen between the three as Joseph had his much-needed moment of realisation. “You’re right,” Joseph admitted, “as usual.”

Jake and Jeremy both chuckled at their friend’s admission, a knowing look passing between the two. They loved Joseph, they really did, but sometimes he did have the tendency to focus on the little problems rather than look at the bigger picture first. 

“You know it,” Jeremy laughed before spinning Joseph around and pushing him out of the break room, “now get out there and sell some damn pastries.”

As quickly as they had slipped into such a serious conversation, they slipped out of it and back into their usual chatter, joking around and making digs at each other all afternoon long. 

It wasn’t until Joseph was counting down the last fifteen minutes before his shift ended that he found himself snapped out of ‘Bakery Joe mode’ by someone so large and fridge-shaped that he would have been stupid to have assumed he played anything other than hockey. 

Joseph had handed him a pear strudel in a paper bag, followed by his coffee, and was half way through wishing him a good rest of his day when he found himself being interrupted. “Hey” the voice definitely fit its person, “Kniesy’s boyfriend, right?”

Well, this was a first. 

He wasn’t entirely sure how to respond. Sure, he wasn’t going to immediately assume that this guy had ill intentions, but given hockey’s track record, he wasn’t exactly feeling too hopeful about it. “The one and only,” he joked in an attempt to keep the mood light, “why?”

“I’m not gonna ask for a photo or anything, don’t worry,” he must have sensed Joseph’s apprehension going into the conversation, “I just wanted to say it was pretty brave of him to come out like he did. It’s cool.”

Relief lifted itself from Joseph’s shoulders as he felt his heart stop pounding. Their whole interaction definitely could have gone in a very different direction. It was definitely still strange for him, but in a way that gave him reassurance that there were good people out there. “Thanks, I know that’ll mean a lot to him. I’ll, uh… I’ll pass it on.”

“Don’t take any shit from anyone about it, either of you.” 

The customer’s parting words stuck with Joseph for the whole drive home, to Matthew’s apartment rather than to his own place which had sat empty for almost a week at this point. It had been such a bizarre day for him; the afternoon break heart-to-heart with his coworkers, the realisation that all he could do to support Matthew was be there for him, and the customer who he’d definitely assumed was going to say something homophobic actually being the first person to recognise him as Matthew’s boyfriend and say something genuinely nice about the whole situation. All Joseph needed in that moment was the comforting presence of his boyfriend who was waiting for him to finish the final stretch of his drive back. 

They practically collapsed into each other’s arms the second Joseph walked through the door. “I missed you,” Matthew mumbled into Joseph’s shoulder as he felt himself relax now that his other half was home, “so much.”

“I missed you too, Matty. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to get through this together, yeah?”

If Matthew’s heart was capable of loving Joseph any more than it already did, it would. There truly was no greater feeling in the world than knowing he had Joseph Woll by his side, through thick and thin, through good and bad, through the rest of their lives in this world and every world that comes after.

Chapter Text

The last week or so had been much better for Matthew. Less blaming himself for the unfortunate end to his season and more avoiding the internet to give himself a break. It had taken Joseph finding him curled up on the couch in the dark for Matthew to realise that he really needed to give himself a break from the never-ending cycle of ‘I should’ve done better’ and ‘I failed my team’ that would’ve dragged him all the way to rock bottom had he let it. Sitting around moping for as long as he had planned to just wasn’t healthy. He needed to get up and shake it off. All he could do about it now was make sure he started the next season better than ever. Sure, it still stung, but nowhere near as much as it would’ve had Joseph not been there to drag Matthew through the post-loss slump.

In celebration of Matthew’s much happier mindset, Joseph had decided to cook them both a roast dinner, so they found themselves spending a good chunk of their afternoon in the kitchen cooking. Well, Joseph was cooking. Matthew had taken Joseph’s instruction to “sit there and look pretty” very seriously, so he had spent a good hour keeping Joseph company as he found himself going down a Wikipedia rabbit hole. It had started with facts about Mount Everest and somehow evolved into the two of them hearing all about the ins and outs of various types of soup. Neither of them really knew how they had ended up there, but at least they had kept themselves busy and their minds away from hockey. 

Most people would’ve caved after listening to Matthew dictate, in great detail, everything there was to know about the creation of french onion soup, but not Joseph. He couldn’t even bring himself to even begin to get sick of it, instead opting to begin peeling the rather large pile of carrots in front of him, a fond look taking up residence in his eyes whenever he found himself glancing over at his boyfriend’s cheery voice filling the kitchen. 

They eventually fell into a familiar silence, the occasional humming coming from Matthew as he found himself wrapped up in whatever mindless game on his phone that had earned his attention that week. Only Matthew could manage to have a folder of games that he’d downloaded after seeing an ad for them that showed quite literally everything but the actual gameplay. Last week it had been some fridge restocking game, this time Project Makeover had completely taken over his life. 

“So,” Matthew grinned, absent-mindedly swinging his legs as he shuffled around on the counter in an attempt to get more comfortable, “you’re taking me on holiday?”

“Indeed I am, Matthew,” Joseph smiled as he continued chopping the carrots, only pausing to ask his boyfriend to pass him the roasting dish to put them in. There was a knowing tone in his voice, clearly, he was well versed in the inner workings of Matthew’s mind, never expecting anything less than a cheeky inquisitiveness that rivaled that of a six-year-old who somehow knew a family secret and routinely used it as leverage. 

“Where are we going?” He knew that Joseph wasn’t going to give up the answer so quickly, not when he had made such a big deal about it all being a surprise. He knew that they were going hiking. That hadn’t come as a shock at all. By dating Joseph Woll, Matthew had automatically signed himself up for a lifetime of trekking through the mountains and long, cold nights in that stupid dark green tent that Joseph loved so much.. 

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

“Come on Joey,” an exasperated sigh left Matthew’s lips as he passed a dish of potatoes over to his boyfriend’s outstretched hand, “you know I can’t cope with not knowing.”

“Well, you’re just going to have to wait and see.” God, Matthew hated the smugness that found itself laced through his boyfriend’s voice. He knew what he was doing. He knew just how much Matthew hated being teased. 

“Pretty please…” Matthew’s face scrunched up in defeat as he looked over at Joseph shaking his head, grin wide across his lips, “I’m dying over here.”

“Nope,” Joseph chuckled at his boyfriend’s weak attempt to get him to spoil his plans, “no amount of puppy dog eyes will make me tell you, Matthew. I grew up with a younger sister, so any chance of that working went out of the window years ago.”

Matthew sat in silence, his previously swinging legs now still as he fell into deep thought in an attempt to summon an idea that could work. It was as if a light bulb had gone off, the way he lit up. “I won’t kiss you until you tell me.”

Now if anything was going to get Joseph’s attention, it was that. Matthew hadn’t just made a serious threat against Joseph. He had just declared war. 

“Oh really? Is that how it’s going to be?” he raised an eyebrow, smirking at a very pleased-looking Matthew. Yes, he knew that he would struggle to go too long without kissing his boyfriend, but he was very confident that Matthew would cave to his own bet long before he would even begin to think about it. 

Matthew furrowed his eyebrows, clearly unimpressed at Joseph’s rather entertained tone. “I mean it, Joey. Not a single kiss. Not one.”

“Empty threats, my love. You and I both know this won’t last too long.” 

Famous last words. 

-

Joseph found himself seriously reconsidering his previous assumptions of how long his boyfriend would be able to go without kissing him. Like, big time. 

Four days.  

It had been four days since they had last kissed and it was killing Joseph. Neither of the had anticipated just how long this could go on, and Joseph had definitely underestimated Matthew’s ability to do things out of spite. He knew that he was strong, but he was fast approaching his breaking point. This wasn’t even like when Matthew was away on a road trip and they were unable to properly speak to each other beyond a brief facetime call. They were both in the apartment for a pretty significant amount of time of their days now and their silent war was still in full swing. 

They found themselves spending their evening in their favourite spot, Joseph’s head resting on Matthew’s lap as he read whatever book he had picked up that week. It was only when Joseph found himself rereading the same sentence for what felt like the hundredth time that he realised just how much he missed kissing Matthew. A frustrated sigh escaped past his lips much louder than he had anticipated, breaking Matthew’s focus away from the TV and drawing his eyes down to the frown that was now plastered across Joseph’s face. 

He hated how much Matthew could see the whole 'no kissing' thing was bothering him. 

“Missing something?” A smug grin turned up the corners of his lips. Joseph was starting to crack and they both knew it. 

“Nope. I’m good.”

“Are you sure?” Joseph could hear the grin in Matthew’s voice and he hated it. 

“Mhm.” He nodded, refusing to open his mouth in fear of admitting defeat. 

Matthew leaned over Joseph’s face, bringing his head down until their lips were centimetres apart, teasing him with the one thing he knew Joseph was struggling to resist. “Not even this?”

“Oh you’re evil,” Joseph couldn’t take it any longer, not when the one thing he wanted most was right in front of him. “Switzerland, we’re going to Switzerland.” Matthew barely had the chance to register what Joseph had said before the small space between them was closed, their lips finally meeting after four long, long , days.

Joseph wondered why on earth he hadn’t caved sooner. He knew that he’d missed kissing Matthew, but it had been so long that he had found himself beginning to forget what Matthew’s lips felt like. Four days had felt like an eternity for them both. 

“Switzerland, hm?” Matthew whispered between kisses, smirking as he looked down at an increasingly flushed Joseph.

“It’s pretty there,” another kiss, “like you.”

“God you're so cheesy, Joey,” Matthew chuckled as he reached to run his hand through Joseph’s hair, twirling the ends around his fingers, “please never stop.”

“As long as you never stop playing with my hair,” Joseph whispered, a soft smile making its way across his lips. He loved moments like this when Matthew was just there . They didn’t even have to talk to each other, his presence was more than enough to make Joseph feel right at home. 

Matthew hummed an agreement, pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of Joseph’s nose as they fell into a silence that they knew all too well. “I love it when you keep your hair long, Joey, you look like a prince,” he paused for a moment, leaning down to whisper in Joseph’s ear,  “my prince.”

-

Matthew hadn’t been allowed to help plan their trip, Joseph claiming that it was supposed to be relaxing for him, so planning a holiday would only cause more stress. Usually, he would’ve said something by this point, complained at his lack of input and ‘Matty’ ( translation: stupid ) activities. He hated not having control of things, which would probably explain why he took losing so hard; he had given it his all and then some, but it still wasn’t good enough to earn them a win. 

They had found themselves once again sprawled across the sofa, nestled under layers of blankets and hoodies as they each focused on their own laptops. Matthew was down another Wikipedia rabbit hole, something about Swiss castles this time. Joseph was frowning as he read an email sending him a rather snarky reminder that his lease was almost up, with an absolutely diabolical rent increase on top of that. Sure, his apartment was pretty nice, but asking for that much more every month was a joke. The last few months had passed by in such a whirlwind that it hadn’t even crossed his mind that he was going to have to move out, find somewhere new to live that wasn’t too far from Matthew while also not making too much of a dent in his bank account. 

Joseph hadn’t even realised that he had let out a sigh as he read the email, dread setting in as he thought about having to pack up his entire life all over again. 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours, Joey?” Matthew asked, his brows furrowing as he felt his boyfriend’s frustration fill the room. 

“Lease is up soon,” he huffed, “need to find a new apartment.”

“Ah,” Matthew responded, disappearing into deep thought. He had just sort of assumed that Joseph would move in with him once his lease was up. After all, he spent practically every minute in Matthew’s apartment when he wasn’t at the bakery or at a game, so it had only made sense that he would live there next. 

“Everywhere is either too expensive or too far away from you and the bakery,” Joseph continued to ramble, muttering complaints about the stupidly high cost of living in Toronto and how he just couldn’t manage to find anywhere that was exactly what he needed. 

Matthew was still far away, so lost in thought that the words spilled from his mouth before he even had the chance to think, “Move in with me?”

The idea had come out as more of a question than a statement, but even so he had sounded so sure of himself. Sure of what he was saying. “Half your things are already here, and you might as well live here anyway. It makes sense, no?” 

“You want me to move in with you?” Joseph wasn’t shocked at the fact that Matthew wanted him to move in. In fact, he’d had the feeling that this had been the case for a good while at this point. But either way, it felt nice to have Matthew actually ask him. It made everything feel that much more serious. 

“Joey, there is nothing I want more than for you to live with me,” a smile forming at the realisation that this is what Joseph wanted too, “I hate having to spend time apart from you. I hate leaving for a game without you here to wish me luck, I hate coming home from a game to an empty apartment. You make it feel bright and welcoming. Like a home should be.”

If Joseph thought that he was happy and loved before, he had just invented a whole new level of feeling adored. He could quite literally feel the joy in his chest rising to spread across his face. This was what he had always wanted; someone who loves him, uplifts him, who wants to be around him. He had found all of that and so much more in Matthew. 

“Joey,” Matthew interrupted the train of thought that he could see travelling around his boyfriend’s mind, amused at the way he had immediately zoned out after being asked to move in, “you still there, love?”

A quick shake of the head was all it took to bring Joseph back into the world and into Matthew’s - now their - apartment. “Well, conveniently enough, there is nothing more I could ever want than to live with you.” If it had been possible for his eyes to physically light up, they would have. He beamed at Matthew, finally able to see their future reflected in his eyes. They were going to live together. That was a big step, a serious one, but the right step nevertheless. 

“Really?” Matthew, despite being the one to pop the question, was somehow shocked, almost, at the fact that Joseph had agreed. It wasn’t like he was expecting to receive a ‘no’, but the fact that he had officially heard a response had made everything finally feel real. Matthew’s apartment was going to become their apartment. Things would be moved around to make room for the life that Joseph was going to bring with him. The duplicate whisks, chopping boards, and coffee machines were going to have to become one, decisions made after squabbles claiming that “we should keep mine because it works better.”

They had built a present together, but now they were going to build a future too, one memory at a time. The four walls of their apartment that already held so much of their past were about to witness a relationship grow into something truly beautiful.

Chapter Text

For some people, three years is a long time to be together, but for Matthew and Joseph, it was nowhere near long enough. A lot had happened in the three years since Joseph had found himself lost for words when he sold Matthew the first pear strudel. It was sort of funny, if you think about it, the way that their entire lives could have been so different if someone hadn’t made a mistake when ordering apples. If Joseph hadn’t had to resort to frantically making enough pear strudels to feed a village and praying to God that they would taste good (spoiler alert: they did), Matthew might not have decided to go back to the bakery to see the very endearingly flustered guy with flour all over his apron. They had moved in together after Joseph’s lease had ended, falling into a routine that had become second nature to the couple after no more than a few weeks. Joseph would go to work, Matthew would go to morning skate, they’d spend the day at work and come home to an apartment that was practically bursting with love and warmth. 

They had both spent an ungodly amount of time planning their three-and-a-bit year anniversary trip away, having to delay it until the All-Star break because hockey schedules will be hockey schedules and prevent gay people from having any sort of fun. A quiet weekend getaway somewhere in the middle of nowhere was what they had eventually decided on, picking an off-grid cabin that was exactly what they had been looking for. It was peaceful, private, and the views were to die for. The second Joseph had seen the pictures of the surrounding area on the cabin’s website, he knew they had to book it. This had been easy enough for Matthew as soon as he had seen the way that Joseph’s eyes lit up. The past few years had really grown his love for the outdoors, the many camping trips wearing him down until he could admit that he truly did enjoy being in the outdoors. He didn’t really care where he was, as long as he was with Joseph.

The view of the lake from their bedroom window every morning was to die for. They found themselves just lying there for way too long every morning, enjoying each other’s company as they made the most of the peace and quiet away from their busy lives back in Toronto. The second to last morning had arrived, and with it a sense of calmness that they hadn’t felt in far too long. Sure, they knew the fleeting presence of calmness between busy days and tired nights, but it had been so long since they had been able to take time for just them. Especially towards the end of the season. Another first-round exit and an unusually bad overtime shift from him had led to a turnover that turned his season around. It had been a particularly tough loss on Matthew, which only made their weekend away even more important; he had taken it to heart and once again carried all the blame on his shoulders. Despite Joseph’s best efforts in the weeks leading up to their break, he still didn’t believe that Matthew was fully convinced that he wasn’t entirely to blame for the way things had ended for his teammates. 

“Come on,” Joseph began, smiling softly down at Matthew as he shifted to lift his head from the familiar comfort of Joseph’s chest, “we can’t waste the whole day sitting in bed like this, not when there’s so much to see out there,” he nodded his head towards the window and the expanse of woodland surrounding the lake before them. 

Matthew groaned, burying his head into Joseph’s neck as he muttered a plea for them to stay exactly as they were for the rest of time. 

“No, Matty, we’re getting up and going on a hike,” Joseph’s insistence on leaving the cabin was almost inspirational. Matthew didn’t understand how he had the will to leave behind such peaceful bliss. 

“But-” Matthew couldn’t even begin to make an argument before Joseph sat up, pushing him from his shoulder and back onto the bed. 

“Up,” Joseph swung his legs off the side of the bed and sighed as he stretched until his back cracked, relieved, “I’ll go make us breakfast if you get up.”

Matthew loved lazing around in bed all day, but he loved his boyfriend’s breakfasts more. There was something about a stack of fluffy pancakes drenched in syrup and strawberries cut into the most perfectly bite-sized pieces that made Matthew look forward to waking up in the morning. 

“You drive a hard bargain, Woll,” Matthew smirked, clearly already convinced, “but fine. Only because you’re cooking.”

And cook Joseph did. He stood tending to the pancakes, apron covering his bare chest because of course. He hadn’t heard Matthew’s footsteps padding into the kitchen, but he could still feel his presence. More specifically, he could feel Matthew’s gaze tracing the muscles on his back, taking in the familiar sight of the mole just below his shoulder that he could place even with his eyes closed. 

“I can feel your eyes, you know,” Joseph muttered, humour evident in his voice as he teased, “my ass is exactly the same as it was yesterday, Matty.”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” a joking reply, “I think it looks even better.”

Joseph chuckled, swaying his hips as he glanced over his shoulder at his boyfriend, whose eyes he never met until Matthew could bring himself to tear his eyes away from what he could only describe as being the “world’s best ass.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that or a second,” Joseph replied, smiling as he turned around to face Matthew, a plate piled high with pancakes in his hands, “now eat up, you, we have a big day ahead.”

And what a big day it would be. 

Matthew had never been the most overly romantic person, but he was good at knowing when the moment was right. Before meeting Joseph, he hadn’t ever really believed in knowing that someone was The One, but now it was all he knew. He knew that he wanted to grow old with Joseph, bickering over the stupidest little things, a fondness laced through their voices as they did. He knew that he wanted to have thousands of lazy mornings together, thousands more meals cooked in their kitchen together, thousands more times where he would inevitably get caught staring shamelessly at Joseph’s ass. He wanted to go house-hunting together, picking a house with enough rooms for the family that they would one day have. Matthew wanted all this for his life and there was only one person he wanted to do it with: Joseph.

And that was why there was a small ring-sized box hidden at the bottom of his bag. 

He was going to propose to Joseph that weekend, and the perfect moment had just presented itself. They were guaranteed to stop for a lunch that Joseph had probably already made and packed. That was going to be the right moment, he decided. He loved Joseph, and there was nothing he wanted more than to make his dreams of growing old together a reality. 

To say he was nervous was an understatement. He knew that Joseph would say yes, obviously, but he still had no idea what he was actually going to say when he did propose. How was he supposed to put the amount of love he held for Joseph in his heart into words? It didn’t seem possible. Matthew had searched high and low but never managed to find a word that could come anywhere near close enough to describing what they had. 

He just sort of assumed it would come to him in the moment. Well, he didn’t assume as much as he prayed it would. It helped that Joseph knew he was never going to be the best with words, so at least he had that excuse to fall back on in case he really messed things up, but he wasn’t going to fuck up quite literally the biggest day of his life to date.

As much as he had wanted to spend the morning lazing in bed with Joseph, he was also very glad that the hike had been suggested as he had found himself running out of time to propose before they left to go back to Toronto. He’d been planning to do it on their last night there, a romantic little something in front of the log fire, but proposing on a hike had become the better option in Matthew’s eyes. 

They both polished off their breakfast, Matthew thanking his boyfriend with a kiss or five before heading off to their room in the least suspicious-looking way possible so he would have time to grab the ring box before Joseph had the chance to see it. 

He couldn’t quite believe that the day he proposed had finally arrived, but it had, and he was going to make sure it would be a day to remember. 

-

The few clouds that had found themselves floating around in the sky that morning must have known that Matthew was planning on proposing because by the time an increasingly nervous Matthew and his boyfriend (not for much longer) had made their way to their lunch spot, they had made themselves scarce. 

Matthew couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day to propose. The weather was just what he had wanted, Joseph was in a particularly chipper mood as they hiked through the forest, the entire trail had provided them with the most incredible sights. Everything was falling into place for the best proposal Matthew could have imagined. 

They stood to admire the view for a few moments, taking in the glistening lake that now sat below them, before finding a bench to sit down on as they unpacked their lunch. Once again, Joseph had worked wonders making their sandwiches, opting for Matthew’s favourite sourdough as a treat. 

Rather than busying themselves with talking to each other, they sat in silence, taking in the sounds of nature around them; chirping birds, rustling trees, the feeling of peace that you only experience a few times in your life. 

It was as though they were in a romance movie, the way that they both found themselves standing at the edge of the path to look out at the view once more before carrying on with their hike, the way that Joseph had turned away from Matthew to look back at how far they had walked. The moment was right, Matthew knew that much. 

He knew exactly where the box sat in his pocket, having done nothing but turn it over in his hand as they walked. It was one of those ‘now or never’ moments where Matthew knew that he would regret not proposing there for the rest of his life. Thinking about seeing Joseph on their wedding day for just a brief second was more than enough motivation. 

Breathe, Matthew. 

The box left his pocket.

Breathe. 

He was down on one knee. 

Breathe. 

The box was in his hands, trembling slightly despite Matthew’s best efforts to calm his nerves. 

You love him. 

Matthew cleared his throat as quietly as possible, his voice as still as he knew was possible, “Joey?” 

He’d done it now. There was no going back. No matter what happened, he was proposing to Joseph Woll in that very moment. 

To say Joseph’s face was a picture would be an understatement. It was a work of art, the way his lips parted in surprise, his cheeks blushing perfectly as if Michelangelo himself had painted the most angelic man alive. If Matthew hadn’t been in the middle of proposing, he knew that he would have stood there taking in the sight for hours. Nothing else mattered to him at that moment, only the look of pure joy on Joseph’s face as he realised what was happening. 

Before Joseph had the chance to even think about speaking, Matthew let everything he had felt for the last three years spill out, like a wave he had lost control of. 

“Joseph, I love you so much, and I know that’s not exactly the best way to start this because I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t, but it’s true. I love waking up next to you, I love going to sleep next to you, and I love the way you’re so insanely selfless even if it is to a fault. I love the way you never think twice about making sure that I’m okay after a tough loss, I love how you show me what it means to be loved unconditionally, to be loved for who I am instead of who I want to be. You don’t just love the good parts of me, you love the bad parts too, and for that, I will forever be thankful.”

Tears welled up in Joseph’s eyes before they spilled down his cheeks, a smile bigger than he thought was humanly possible taking control of his lips. 

“Loving you is the easiest thing I have ever had to do. I don’t know how I lived so many years without you in them, but there’s one thing I do know and that’s that I never want to live another day without you by my side. I want to build a future with you, a family, I want to grow old together and spend every day by your side, so all I need to know is whether you want to grow old with me too. So,” Matthew took a deep breath as he felt the smile on his face matching the one standing before him, “Joseph Woll, will you marry me?”

A few moments of silence passed between the two as Joseph attempted to form something that could resemble a sentence, his tears not exactly helping him achieve that. 

“Of course I’ll marry you, Matty. There’s quite literally nothing I need more than to spend every single day of the rest of our lives with you. Which is why I have something to ask you as well,” Joseph ran his thumb across Matthew’s cheek, wiping away tears that he hadn’t even realised he was crying, before reaching into his own pocket, pulling out a ring-sized box, and getting down on one knee so his eyes met Matthew’s, “I need to know, Matthew Knies, the love of my life, if you will marry me too?” 

It took them no more than a second to burst out laughing, gasping for breath through their tears. Of course they had both chosen the same day to propose to each other. It was the sort of thing you only ever see in movies, but this was so, so real. 

Matthew reached to cup Joseph’s face, not even bothering to attempt to wipe away the tears that wouldn’t stop falling, “Yes, Joseph, I will marry you. I think the fact I just proposed should’ve answered that one for you.”

More laughter, more tears, a deep kiss that was full of so much meaning and intention. They were engaged. They were getting married. Three years of loving each other so outwardly, so honestly, had led to the rest of their lives spent loving each other like nobody else was watching. 

Three years had passed, but they had the rest of their lives to look forward to.  

Chapter Text

Thirty seconds had never seemed very long to Joseph until he found himself clutching Steph’s hand as he glanced up at the clock, praying that someone on the Leafs would score so they could avoid going to overtime in what was without a doubt the most significant game the Toronto Maple Leafs had played in decades. It was the Stanley Cup Finals. It had taken well over a decade for them to get there, but Matthew had managed to achieve one of the only things he had ever truly wanted. He was playing in game 7 and was one goal away from becoming a Stanley Cup champion. All those years spent telling himself that he’d get there eventually, all those years spent pushing himself harder and harder towards his dream as whispers of retirement had started to find themselves looming over him, had almost been worthwhile. Almost. There was still time on the clock and the game wasn’t won yet. 

Silence had fallen upon the suite that the Leaf’s partners had gathered in, all wearing their playoff jackets that Steph had roped Joseph into helping design during his second playoffs with the team, breaths held as they watched the puck make its way towards the other end of the ice, dancing from Leaf to Leaf in an attempt to score the goal that they had spent their childhoods dreaming of. Twenty seconds. Twenty seconds were between the Toronto Maple Leafs and their long-awaited Stanley Cup. This was their last push, their last chance to win, and they were not giving it up. They kept possession of the puck, passing it around in front of the net in search of the perfect shot. They knew that they didn’t have long, but the opportunity they needed wasn’t presenting itself. 

Fifteen seconds. 

Matthew had the puck on the end of his stick, swearing under his breath as he realised that he had just missed the perfect shot. To say he was less than fifteen seconds away from potentially winning the Stanley Cup, he thought he’d managed to stay pretty calm. He just had to do what he did best; head up, pass the puck, and be annoying in front of the net. 

Ten seconds.

And then it happened. The final piece of the puzzle fell into place as the puck made its way over to Matthews, to Marner, back to Matthews, and then to Knies. 

Then into the back of the net.

With seven seconds to go, Matthew Knies had scored the goal that put the Leafs in the lead. He had done what decades of players who came before him had failed to do. The weight of what he had just done hadn’t quite hit him as he celebrated his goal until he felt his teammates piling on top of him. Matthew Knies had all but won the Leafs the Stanley Cup. His face erupted into a grin as reality began to set in and he realised what he had done. Finally. 

Six seconds was now the only thing that stood between Matthew Knies and the Stanley Cup. 

Steph hadn’t realised how thankful she was for Matthew’s goal until the relief of her hand being freed from Joseph’s crushing grip began to set in. Joseph could barely keep himself sane standing alongside their families as they watched history in the making. He knew how much this meant to Matthew, how long he’d waited, how hard he’d dreamed. What Joseph hadn’t anticipated was just how much it meant to him. Sure, he hadn’t been on the ice playing for the cup, but he had been there right by Matthew’s side through every up and down, every goal scored, every injury suffered, every award won, every playoff series lost. No matter what had happened, Joseph had been there through it all, experiencing everything that Matthew had been through on top of the crushing knowledge of just how little he could do to make it stop hurting. 

The tension that had found itself filling the room was lifted. Yes, there were still six seconds remaining and everyone knew that you don’t start celebrating until there’s no time left in the clock, but they couldn’t help it. Steph hugged Joseph as they both jumped up and down, screaming in each other’s faces in shock. They had both just watched their husbands win the Stanley Cup. 

John, now long retired, made his way over to them, tears welling up in his eyes as pride filled his chest. It was no secret that he considered Matthew to be like a son to him. He had spent many years after his retirement helping Matthew to work through the ups and downs of his career as well as remaining just as involved in his life as he had been all those years ago when a flustered Matthew left the bakery with a pear strudel and a crush. “They did it,” was all he could manage to whisper, his voice strained as he tried to hold back tears, “they finally did it.”

“Yeah,” Joseph had given up trying to stop himself from crying, tears streaming down his face as the last minute or two began to properly sink in, “they did.”                   

They looked down onto the ice to see the rest of the team celebrating, hugging each other, crowding around their goalie. Matthew could barely believe what was happening as he skated around, taking in the atmosphere as he looked into the crowds. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to see Joseph, but that didn’t stop him from trying. He didn’t, however, get much of a chance to look for Joseph as he was pulled aside for an interview, his goal being the cup-winning goal after all. 

“Matthew, congratulations,” the reporter whose name he couldn’t quite remember began, smiling up at him, “You’ve told us before just how much winning the Stanley Cup would mean to you, but how does the feeling of not only winning it but also scoring the cup winning goal feel?”

Matthew struggled to find the words to describe exactly how he was feeling, shaking his head as he grinned, “Honestly, it still feels like I’m ten years old pretending to interview myself in my bedroom mirror, but this time I know it’s real. Doing this,” he gestured to the arena around them, “with such an incredible group of people on my team and supporting me- I’m just so thankful to have been able to do this.”

“Now, I don’t know how much you remember about scoring that goal, but what was going through your mind in those final few seconds?”

“I knew I had to do something. I mean, it didn’t matter what the outcome of the game was, I was going to be out there on the ice either way, so I just did whatever I could and I guess this time it worked.” Despite it not being possible, Matthew thought he could feel his grin widening as his cheeks began to hurt. “It’s one of those things that you practice doing as a kid all the time, the whole scoring the game-seven winner, so it’s not as if I’d never thought about before. I don’t know- I can’t remember much right now. I just remember hearing my teammates, the crowd, and everyone celebrating for me. It was unreal.”

“It truly was,” she smiled, clearly finding Matthew’s loss for words rather endearing, “I just have one last question for you. How excited are you to be the first openly gay NHL player to lift the Stanley Cup?”

“I, uh,” Matthew didn’t exactly know what question he had been anticipating, but it hadn’t really crossed his mind that this was the case. Sure, he knew of other queer players in the league, both closeted and out, but he hadn’t realised that he was the first to actually win. “I don’t think I’d even thought about that. Wow.” He paused, the weight of it all beginning to set in as he felt himself getting choked up, “Knowing that there’s kids out there who might not feel like they belong in hockey because they’re gay that are sat watching an openly gay man win the Stanley Cup means more to me than I ever thought it would. Being able to celebrate the win with my husband, all of it, I just hope that they realise how accepted and welcomed they are, if not by those around them, then by me. I did it, so they can too.”

Matthew hadn’t even noticed the tears spilling down his cheeks, but the reporter had joined him in being emotional, tears glistening in her eyes as she listened to him speak. “Indeed they can. Congratulations again, Matthew, you’ve made Toronto proud. Now, go celebrate with your team.”

The reporter turned away, thanking Matthew before letting him continue weaving between his teammates, finding many of them with tear-streaked faces that mirrored his own. 

If he was being honest, Matthew could barely remember what happened during the presentation of the Stanley Cup, only that he was handed it from an overjoyed Mitch. Skating around the ice, cup raised above his head as he cheered, felt like a dream. He took in the faces of people in the crowd who shared in his emotion as he cheered, he took in the feeling of finally winning after a lifetime of dreaming, he took in the feeling of pride. So much pride. 

He was proud of himself, of his team, of his family for putting up with him through every previous disappointment. Everything he had been through up until that moment had been so incredibly worth it. 

After handing the cup off to his teammate, all Matthew could do was take in the atmosphere as he searched once again for Joseph as he cheered the rest of his team on. All he wanted was to thank his husband, to see his family, to be with them and to share the moment with them. 

He wasn’t too sure at what point families had started to fill the ice, but as soon as he saw people starting to arrive, shuffling around to reunite with each other, he knew that Joseph wasn’t going to be too far behind. 

Matthew found it almost comical how he was stood scanning the increasingly bustling ice in search of his husband, chuckling to himself as he finally understood how people in the rom-coms that Joseph loved felt when they were scanning a busy airport to confess their love before a plane whisked the love of their life away. In a way, his relationship with Joseph had been taken directly from a movie; meeting in a bakery, falling in love, a secret relationship. Everything about their love seemed too good to be true, too perfectly scripted, but this was so much better than a movie. This was real. 

Joseph had hardly been able to hold himself back from running straight down to the ice as the final buzzer sounded, so to finally be able to step out and find his husband, his in-laws following closely behind, couldn’t come soon enough. It had taken him no more than three seconds to spot an overwhelmed-looking Matthew standing not too far away, a grin plastered across his face that Joseph didn’t doubt had been there ever since he scored that goal. 

“Matty!” 

Matthew’s head snapped in the direction of a voice he knew all too well, relief welling in his chest as they locked eyes. Despite the chaos taking place around him, all Matthew could focus on was his husband weaving towards him through the countless people that had flooded onto the ice. 

“Joey,” the name left Matthew’s lips like an answered prayer, his voice thick with emotion, “I did it. I actually did it.”

“Yeah, baby, you did,” Joseph smiled as he cupped Matthew’s face, wiping stray tears away with his thumbs, “and I'm so incredibly proud of you.”

Hearing those words, or any words in fact, come from Joseph in that moment was all it took for Matthew’s attempt at keeping himself composed to fail. He almost crumpled into his husband’s arms, tears of hard work, relief, pain, and joy spilling down his face at a rate he previously hadn’t been sure was possible. “I don’t have to wait for next year anymore, Joey, I- I did it this year.”

And he was right. So many failed playoff series, especially in more recent years as he found himself feeling the aches and pains from a long hockey season even more, had ended in Matthew reassuring himself that they’d win next season, that there was always more time, but he was a hockey player, not a god. Regardless of how desperately he had wanted to avoid reminding himself that even his career would have to come to an end at some point, despite how much he wanted to play forever, he knew it was going to have to happen at some point. He had found himself refusing to even consider retirement until he won the Stanley Cup, he couldn’t do that to the seven-year-old Matthew who stared back at him, completely starstruck, every time he looked in the mirror. It had been his first and only dream and it was going to take much more than an achy body to make him give up. 

“No more waiting for next year, Matty, not anymore.” Joseph laughed through tears that he hadn’t even realised he was crying. He found himself unable to stop kissing Matthew’s lips, his cheeks, and even his nose. It was one of those situations where he didn’t care how he was touching Matthew, he only knew that he couldn’t bring himself to let go. Seeing him in such a state, so full of raw emotion, made Joseph’s heart ache. It was clear just how much it meant to him to not only win the cup but to do it with Joseph by his side through the whole ordeal. 

“One more year,” Matthew muttered into Joseph’s neck as they hugged, “one more year to enjoy it all.”

Joseph pulled back, the confusion on his face morphing into realisation as he understood the weight of what his husband had just told him. Sure, they’d talked about retirement and what would come next for them; more time, another dog, kids. What they had already was so close to being a complete family, but they had both decided to wait until Matthew had retired to consider having children. Joseph didn’t want to spend a good chunk of his year parenting by himself, and Matthew wanted to be present for every milestone that he would have otherwise missed. 

“I’ve spent all these years playing to win, but now I can play for the love of the game. It’s little Matty’s turn to play in the NHL now,” Matthew smiled at the thought of now having to play under the pressure he had spent his entire life purring on himself to win. He could enjoy the final season of his NHL career in a way that he’d never been able to before. He would be able to spend the next year of his life saying goodbye to the people and places that had spent so many years shaping him into the person he had become.  

“Little Matty is gonna have the time of his life.”