Actions

Work Header

“The things I've done to run away are unforgivable.”

Summary:

I was messing around in a hlvrai discord server i like and was like “what if benrey became mortal after dying and fucking hated it” and then thought “what if benrey no-clipped through stuff when he was about to bump into something but cant anymore and gets hurt a lot” and combined the two ideas.
Basically tldr:
Gordon fucked up benreys house and feels mildly bad about it, benrey is suffering from existentialism a lil bit bc being human sucks.
Merry Christmas/happy holidays :D

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

——————————————————————————

It had been jarring to say the least. When Tommy's party had ended, Gordon simply blinked and suddenly he went from a Chuck E Cheese to his home with no warning. He had at first questioned if he was really losing it, but the scars on his arm where his replacement had been, calmed his nerves, Oddly enough. He could hear the quiet pitter patter of rain outside, when he glanced out his window it was pitch black out aside from the quick flash and roar of lightning that nearly made him jump out of his own skin. He was never afraid of lightning before, He just assumed it was probably a psychological problem he would have to figure out later. When he had checked his phone to figure out how long he had been gone, He found himself with three new contacts. The time read 5 pm, But in all honesty he didn't care what time it was as he walked over to his couch. The moment he laid down, His consciousness was stripped from him, Leaving him in a dreamless, mildly uncomfortable sleep.

The next day he had been loudly awoken to a knocking on his door. The rain was still going strong and loud as he got up. In all honesty he looked worse than ever, He hadn't even had the chance to step out of his HEV suit! He diddnt really think about it though as he opened the door to find the last person he wanted to see.

That day was the first time Gordon had ever seen Benrey exhibit any actual human emotion. It wasn't as if he hadn't emoted ever, but something this time was different, It was..genuine. It was hard to place exactly what his expression looked like, somewhere between regret and fear while he tried to feign nonchalance. As he began to speak, the anxious tremors in his hands didn't go unnoticed.

“Heyyyyy friend..!”
He said with fake enthusiasm.

The moment Gordon met Benreys gaze he felt sick to his stomach. Of course it wasn't over, why would it be?! The familiar sting of anger bubbling up in his throat quickly eliminated his rational thinking skills. He spoke with sparce, choked out words.

“You..you’re.. I saw it.. I SAW you die!”
He lemented, tears of anger pricking in his eyes. He just couldn’t have one day to clear his head.

Benreys smile wavered, he had been expecting this reaction but it felt much different experiencing it rather then just thinking it. He had seen Gordon angry before, hell that was how he was most times he saw him, but this was different. Anybody would have been angry back in Black Mesa, but the fury in his eyes wasnt from pain or annoyance like before, no, it was purely from being hurt emotionally. Benrey felt guilty about a lot of things, But even just being here in front of Gordon now was the main one weighing on his conscience. He understood why Gordon hated him, But he needed to make his case anyways.

“Man, I don't want to be here either but, uh.. I kinda dont have anywhere else to go.”
Benrey said sheepishly.

Gordon thought he was joking at first, Another fucked up way to get in his head, right? As Gordon studied his face though, his certainty that this was a cruel farce started to fade, Still, he pried.

“Oh dont fucking give me that.. Go back to your fucked up alien home world or whatever and get out of my life already!”
Gordon said, Shoving him slightly to emphasize.

“..I cant.”

A brief moment of silence left Gordon with a puzzled expression.

“What.”

“I cant. S’pretty simple.”

Gordons anger bubbled up in his chest again with Benrey’s sarcastic remark, he’s fucking with him, he HAD to be! This was all an elaborate scheme to get under his skin again, He KNOWS IT!

“What, since you dont have your pass port anymore, you can't go? Go whine about it to someone else who you DIDN'T maim!”
He seethed.

“..Actually kinda.”

Gordon froze, he cannot be telling the truth right now, Theres no way.

“You’re not serious.”

“Look.. when you destroyed all the passports and gunned me down you kinda FUCKED up my place, And me, Irreversibly. After Tommy's party I tried to go back but when I did, nothing was acting right. I couldn't get big or anything, Or light shit on fire with my mind, All my other alien friends turned on me, And then I tripped and it actually HURT! So I left and found Tommy's place and asked to bunk with him. He said his dad doesn't like me and that he might kill me if I crashed there. So then I tracked down Coomer and Bubby but when Bubby opened the door he immediately slammed it without even hearing a single word from me. Obviously I can't stay at Black Mesa, So here I am.”

Gordon stood there silent for about ten seconds before even thinking of a reply.

“You’re..not all powerful anymore?”
He asked with a hesitant but hopeful expression.

“Nah, Kinda sucks. I can still do this though!”
Benrey said with a smidge of enthusiasm as he let out a beam of green sweet voice into the air.

“Why.. Why do you think I'll let you stay here?! You hurt me the most out of all of us!”
Gordon exclaimed with a twinge of sadness.

“..Why do you think I asked you last..?”
Benrey quietly replied, looking down at the soggy ground.

Admittedly, the first thing Gordon thought when he learned Benrey was no longer immortal was that he needed to figure out the best way to beat him to a pulp right then and there so he could finally be rid of this nuisance. But the second thought..the second thought was worse to gordon. It was to give him an actual chance. If he truly had no more godlike powers then he had no reason to be scared of him. Even if he did though, Benrey standing like a lost puppy at his doorstep was really bumming him out. He didn't deserve it, that he knew, But Gordon tried to rationalize the decision he was about to make, Something about it being rude to leave him in the rain should do the trick for the logical side of his brain. He sighed and opened the door just a little bit wider.

“One week.”

“..huh?”

“You have one week to get your shit straight and then you’re GONE. Do you understand?!”

Benreys expression softened and Gordon swears he could see him tear up a little.

“Oh, uh..really? Thats fuckin’ uh- sick. Awesome, thanks..”
Benrey mumbled quietly as he walked inside, Admittedly this was the last place he wanted to be right now, But he still felt a strange sense of comfort as he took his first steps into his new home, Even if it was only for a little bit.
——————————————————————————

It was a rough first few days. Many shifty glances were exchanged and even more bickering was had. Even with their rough past however, It wasnt all bad. Suprisingly, Benrey wasnt a COMPLETELY awful roommate. He cleaned up after himself and would help Gordon with household chores without being asked. He also took a liking to watering various plants around the house, A chore Gordon often forgot. The daffodils were Benrey’s favorite, They were incredibly wilted, But Benrey was able to fix that. It certainly wasn’t peaceful by any means, But it was more comfortable than anticipated. On day 2 it became apparent that Benrey did not own any other clothes and as such had to “borrow” some of Gordons. He was never getting that MIT hoodie back and he knew it, He didn't mind though, Blue wasnt his color anyways. He tried to explain that Benrey didn't have to still wear his guard helmet with the hoodie, but Benrey was convinced that mortal skulls were “Too mushy” and refused to get rid of it. On day three, Gordon laid down some ground rules after Benrey nearly set the house on fire from putting silverware in the microwave.
“1: No being annoying on purpose for over a minute, 2: No joke flirting, 3: Ask ME if you want to make food so I can make sure you don't destroy my house, 4: Don't be loud past 10 pm and 5: Don't steal clothes im not sharing with you, You’ll get stains on them.”
Eventually Gordon made amendments to those rules as he either had to add more or Benrey found a loophole to exploit, It was a pretty good foundation to go off of though. It was day five when things started to get, Well, Strange. Not for Gordon, no, for Benrey. There were so many weird human customs and mannerisms that he had never picked up on before, He especially hated passive aggressiveness. If you’re mad just say it so it can be worked past! It wasn't just the social aspect of humanity that confused him though, It was being human itself. Waking up just to go through the motions every day, Why does anyone even bother? Everything was so repetitive. The one time something fun happened was when Benrey learned Gordon had a Ps4, His hope was quickly squashed though when he learned Gordon diddnt have any good games. Benrey begged him to buy Heavenly Sword but he said that since Black Mesa got defunct he was out of a job and had to be careful about money while he found a new one, Lame. Being human was more of a drag than he had anticipated and it honestly made him see Gordon and the rest of the science team in a new light. Of course he would never tell them, But he really saw them all as braver now that he was grappling with his own mortality. Why was he grappling with his mortality again? Oh right.

Gordon raced into the hall after hearing a loud THUD only to find Benrey slumped over in a ball on the floor. He met Benreys defeated gaze and with a sigh walked over and sat down next to him.

“Did you trip again?”
He questioned.

“Actually stubbed my toe this time. ‘Figured I’d just uh, wait here till the hurt went away.”
He mumbled as he rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling with a dissatisfied expression.

When Benrey became mortal it appeared he got clumsier, this wasnt entirely true. Before, when Benrey was about to hit his head, stub his toe, trip on something or anything else similar, he would subconsciously no-clip through it, Unfortunately now that he doesn't have that ability he’s sadly had to become aware of just how dependent on it he was. He was having a hard time adjusting to this, especially with the pain those minor injuries caused, he thought that the people at Black Mesa were overreacting but holy hell paper cuts hurt!

“How many Tylenols or whatever do I take for this?”
Benrey asked, turning his head to face Gordon.

Gordon looked at him puzzled for a moment before cracking (and hiding) a small smile and replied.

“None. You only take pain medication if your pain is ongoing or severe.”
Gordon stated.

“But its BOTH of those things..”
Benrey whined. Gordon let out a small chuckle in response.

“It only feels like it’s ongoing because you’ve been sitting here thinking about it, and i'm pretty sure your sense of pain is skewed seeing as THIS is what you think severe pain is, you've never even had a major injury before.”
He said with an eir of sarcasm.

“If this isn’t severe what is?”
Benrey replied dramatically.

Gordon simply looked down at him with an unimpressed look, looked at his own right arm, then back at Benrey.

Ah. Right.

Benrey let out a small guilty huff while continuing his gaze at the ceiling.

“How do you do it man?”
He mumbled quietly.

“Huh? Do.. what?”
Gordon questioned, tilting his head slightly in confusion.

“How do you just..exist..and be cool with it? Its so boring and painful like.. ALL the time. How have humans not gone extinct already when all you do is eat sleep and.. die i guess? I just..I don't see how doing the same thing every day can have enough reason in it to keep going. How is that fun? Being human sucks.”
He lamented as he rested his hands behind his head.

Oh, That was..a lot. Honestly it had never occurred to Gordon before that Benrey could even have feelings like existentialism, In fact he was convinced for a while that Benrey couldn't even have feelings, at least not ones so deep. The thing about Benrey was that he would rather eat lead than admit his actual emotions, afterall that just gives you something to lose! That something being your dignity that is. Dispite their differences though, Gordon absolutely undersood where he was coming from. He’s never givin an alien a pep talk before, but he supposed it was never too late to try.

“It isnt.”
He replied flatly.

“Bbb-what?”
Benrey inquired, slightly shocked at that answer.

“Its not fun. Being in a cycle is never fun. Its .. everything outside of that, that makes it worth it to keep going. Eating, sleeping and dying are boring as hell on their own, thats why you do shit inbetween, man.”
Gordon said softly.

He never thought he would be on the giving end of advice like this, he didn't really feel qualified to try to make someone feel better when he was just as stressed, He got a degree in theoretical physics, Not psychology! Still, it was what he needed to hear. Benrey blinked twice in surprise at Gordons words before sitting back up, back against the wall and knees curled to his chest.

“Like play Heavenly Sword?”

“Like play Heavenly Sword.”

“…Mm..but-uh..that doesn't stop you from having to do the same things everyday..wouldn't that just be like.. routine.. eventually..?”
He mumbled.

Gordon thought for a moment before speaking.
“Yeah, it would. Why do you think people pick up new hobbies? Everything gets boring eventually if you do it enough.”

“..Ohhh.”
He stated.

“Benrey.. if you havent had any other hobbies..what have you been doing these past few days?”
Gordon questioned confusedly.

“Uhh, Chore stuff, trying to get the bloodstains out of my work shirt-“

“Its not gonna happen.”

“Yeah I know, It just helps to uh- pass the time. Uhh, oh! Ive been talking with Josh and he got me an interview at Gamestop, so i've been tryin’ to figure out how resumes work.”

“Woah dude, that was like the best case scenario for you!”
Gordon beamed.

“Right? The interview s’in like 5 days, i'm totally gonna win.”

Gordon diddnt have the thought to dissect Benreys fundamental misunderstanding of how job interviews work. If the interview was really in 5 days and Benrey only had two left here.. the worry was more evident in Gordons face then he had realized and Benrey took notice.

“Why’s your face making that shape?”

Gordon took a solid 15 seconds to respond. Dispite him and Benrey being on slightly better terms, Gordon would be lying if he said he 100% forgave Benrey. The two hadn’t even really properly discussed what happened at Black Mesa, just referencing it at best. Gordon still held a lot of resentment, still, he wasn't a monster. He sighed before answering.

“Do you need to stay here longer?”

“Huh- wha? Why?”
Benrey replied cluelessly before the realization hit him like a truck. In all honesty it kinda killed his mood, he didn't intend to share that though.

“Oh, uhh.. nah. I can find a Walmart or something to loiter in, s’cool.”
He mumbled, going back to his signature bored tone of voice, trying not to let on to his sadness. Gordon rolled his eyes in response to his words.

“Man, Im not gonna make you loiter in a Walmart indefinitely.. Just..keep following the rules and you can stay here longer I guess. Dont make me regret it.”
Gordon stated firmly. Benrey blinked in suprise,

“Real shit? For uhh-how long?”
Benrey said while avoiding eye contact trying to hide his joy.

“Till You’re stable, I guess? I don't know, I haven't had a roommate since college, or since Joshua's mom I suppose. I don't really know how long you’re supposed to stay.”
Gordon remarked before a stark realization set in; how would Benrey behave around joshua? God? he was gonna have to make a new rule to not teach his kid swears.

“Uh, cool. Thank you.”

“Holy shit dude, I forgot you had like..an entire smaller person you made, thats sick. Where is it?” Benrey asked curiously.

“He’s at his moms for the week, shit.. How am I supposed to explain.. you?”
Gordon questioned to himself outloud.

“What d’you mean? Your best pal benny boy is your new roommate, what's so hard to explain about that?”
Benrey said with full sincerity.

“You're not my- ugh, no. I meant like, Where you came from, Why you’re here, God how do I even begin with the sweet voice..”
Gordon grumbled, Everything about Benrey was an anomaly, he still wore his Black Mesa guard cap for christ sake! Gordon needed to buy him a normal hat before Joshie came over, Just another thing to the list of added chores he now has.

“Mmm, That sounds like a tomorrow problem, You should chill on the floor with me, Much better than thinking, Five stars on yelp.”
Benrey replied, slinking back down to lay on the floor and letting out a bit of green to gray sweet voice.

“My back is still fucked up from Black Mesa, Tempting offer but I’ll pass.”
Gordon stated while getting up from the floor, various little cracks and pops coming from his body as he did so.

“Haha Gordon Oldman.”
Benrey remarked as he remained seated.

“I hope you stub your toe again twice as hard”
Gordon jokingly replied as he walked away.

“You’re soooo mean to me.”

——————————————————————————

Notes:

Daffodils represent forgiveness and new beginnings :D

Green means he’s not mean!
Green to gray means i feel safe

Ive never written an actual fanfic before so im sorry if this isnt the best, i just really wanted to bring my lil idea here 👍