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Chapter Text

Bucky the Elf stepped off the bus and took a deep, lung-stretching breath of winter air- 

Then spent several minutes coughing it back out. All his new friends from the bus ride made sure to give him lots of space and looked extra concerned for his wellbeing. They didn’t say much but Bucky was an excellent judge of character and he could tell they cared inside. Deep, deep down inside. 

Even though Christmas was only a week away, Los Angeles did not have the same crisp, clean winter atmosphere that he was used to. No wonder there was a steady decline of Christmas Spirit in the city of angels! How could anyone properly carol with smelly fumes in their lungs? Not to mention the complete and utter lack of snow for snowball fights or snow angels or snow forts or-

Anyway, it was a good thing Santa sent him here to gather data for the North Pole’s latest research project. It was a big job, getting to the bottom of the latest Christmas Spirit shortage. Good thing Buck was the (second) biggest elf in Santa’s Village- he wouldn’t let Santa down. Even if MingMing and FoomFoom had their doubts and whispered about him when they thought Buck wasn't listening, he was going to prove them wrong!

Step one of proving them wrong was to find his way to the subjects of his research. Bucky had already traveled through the seven levels of the candy cane forest, passed the sea of swirly twirly gumdrops, and walked through the Van Nuys terminal, then onto the bus that brought him here. The bus station was stinky but also very, very busy and full of people who would probably be happy to help him get to where he needed to go. He just had to get one of them to look at him instead of at their phones, that was all.

The bells on Bucky’s green elf boots jingled merrily as he followed the crowd of lonely looking people toward the parking lot. It took him a few minutes to realize that the bells he could hear weren’t just coming from him but also from someone up ahead. A large, brawny man rang a tarnished handbell and stood next to a red pail hanging from a stand with a sign asking for donations. To Bucky he may as well have been a choir of angels welcoming him to the city.

“Hi-ya!” He called out with a wave when he was a few feet away.

The man spotted Buck and started shaking his head. “Nope. Uh-uh. No thank you.”

He must have thought Buck was someone else.

“I’m Bucky the Elf!” He explained. “What’s your name?”

“Frosty the Snowman,” the man replied with a very serious look on his face. 

Buck felt like maybe the world wasn’t so big after all, if one of the first people he met in LA had the same name as one of his pals from back home! The man must have agreed because he laughed real loud when Buck told him that. He laughed even harder when Buck asked him if it was a long walk to get from the bus station to the address he had written in his notebook.

“Might take less time to walk than to drive,” Frosty said. “Seeing how morning rush hour just started.”

His eyes widened in excitement. “What’s… rush hour?” 

Frosty dug his fingers into his temple and closed his eyes. “You’re not from around here, are you kid? Lemme guess, you traveled from far, far away to get your big break? Is that address for an audition or something?”

“I did travel here from far away! You know, even though you don’t look anything like my other friend Frosty the Snowman, you’re just as wise as he is. But it’s more of an interview than an audition and I really should try and get there before lunch.”

“You’re going to an interview dressed like that?”

Buck didn’t know what that meant. He was wearing specially tailored elfwear that gave him a rather impressive range of motion, was breathable in all the right places, and didn’t chafe. All the elves in Santa’s Village complimented him on it and while he tried to remain a humble elf, Buck couldn't deny how good his legs looked in the dark green tights. Surely there wasn’t a better outfit for the job at hand. But maybe…

“Do you think it needs more jingle bells?” Buck asked, forlorn. “I did bring that up with Tinseltoes when he was designing it but he assured me that they were going out of style.” He halfheartedly shook one of his feet just to hear the tinkle of the few bells he did manage to sneak into his attire. 

“Tinsel- no, you know what? Never mind. You look great, Bucky,” Frosty said. “But if you’re new around here you shouldn’t try walking all the way across West Hollywood. Especially dressed like that.”

He still wasn’t sure why an elf dressed like an elf was a problem, but Buck appreciated the advice all the same. Part of his job here was to learn and understand the community and clearly Frosty was a local expert.

“No walking, got it. I’ll just go see if anyone with a car can drop me off. That’ll be sure to earn them a spot on the Nice List!”

Buck turned to make his way to the parking lot when Frosty reeled him back in by his elbow. 

“Woah there buddy-”

“It’s Bucky- Buddy is the other tall elf.” 

Buck didn’t miss growing up wearing all Buddy’s hand-me-downs but he had to admit, it had been a little lonely being the only tall elf in Santa’s village when Buddy was in New York City. At least when the other man-elf was around he had someone to play with that he didn’t have to worry about squishing.

Frosty frowned but before Buck could remind him to turn it upside down, he waved his hand impatiently, the bell clanging rapidly as it swung around. “Buddy, Bucky… whatever. Didn’t your parents ever tell you to never get in a car with a stranger?”

That gave Buck pause. Santa and the elder elves told him a lot of things growing up. Don’t eat the yellow snow. Don’t stand behind a reindeer without announcing yourself. Always double check there aren’t any elves in a chair before sitting down. Admittedly, he wasn’t great at remembering that last one…

What did his parents teach him? Somewhere deep in the back of his mind a memory was knocking, asking to be let out. It felt like an arctic chill sweeping down his back to even consider trying to reach for it. He wasn’t like Buddy. He didn’t have a human family out there somewhere waiting to welcome him home.

Telling that to Frosty didn’t seem like a good way to spread Christmas cheer, though, so Buck settled for a different response. “Santa always says people want to help, if you only give them a chance.”

“Santa says, huh? Has Santa ever seen Unsolved Mysteries?” He didn’t seem to expect an answer, not that Buck had one. He just continued on. “Alright listen, I’m not convinced this isn’t a prank show or something but how about I order you an Uber to get you to this interview in one piece?”

“Ooo brrrr?” Buck asked. 

“Uber,” Frosty said as he held up his phone. 

Buck didn’t get it.

Fifteen minutes later, he was getting into a car with a stranger which he distinctly remembered Frosty telling him not to do. When he tried to point that out, however, the other man simply shook his head.

“Good luck with that interview, Buck.”

With a start Buck realized that should have given Frosty a hug before he got in the car- where were his manners? But the ooo brrrr man seemed to be in a hurry, so instead he rolled down his window, marveling that he got it right on the first try like he’d used one before somewhere, even though he didn't remember ever being in the backseat of a car.

“Merry Christmas Frosty!”

“Oh, uh,” Frosty rubbed the back of his neck. “You can call me Carl, actually.”

They pulled away from the curb before Buck could ask any questions about that. Maybe his middle name was Carl and he wanted to give Buck a way to distinguish him from the other Frosty the Snowman? Frosty Carl the Snowman. Bucky would double check with Santa and make sure he was on the Nice List this year.

Buck verified the address he’d written in his notebook against the mailbox at the end of the driveway: 4995 S Bedford St, Los Angeles. This was definitely the right place. 

Right off the bat he saw where his test subjects were going wrong. Sure, there was one sad, small wreath on the front door but where were the lights? The giant inflatable decorations? Even the Christmas tree visible through the large picture window was bare- not a sparkle or bauble in sight!

Things were more dire than he thought.

After thanking his ooo brrr driver and offering him a half eaten candy cane, which he declined, Buck made his way to the door and knocked twelve times (once for each of the twelve days of Christmas) hoping that it would bring him some luck. He was a little nervous; this was his first time on official North Pole business and he didn’t want to mess up. Buck tried hard but always felt a little bit like he couldn’t do anything right. That he always had to prove he could be a good elf. That it didn't just come naturally like it did for other elves.

Santa believed in him, though, and that was enough to boost his confidence so that when the door swung open to reveal a small boy, Buck had a genuine smile back on his face.

“Christopher Diaz!” Buck gasped in joy. “Hi! Hello! It’s so great to meet you! Golly gumdrops this is so exciting!”

Christopher Diaz smiled back just as wide, his eyes tracking over Buck’s tall frame from his pointy elf hat to the bells on his boots. 

“Are you an elf?”

“Yes! I’m Bucky the elf! You know, you’re a lot smarter than some of the grownups I’ve met today. Most of them didn’t know I was an elf until I told them.”

Chris considered that for a moment. “Well, you are really tall.”

“I am,” Buck agreed. “I’m Santa’s tallest elf!”

Alright, technically Buddy was an inch taller than him, a fact that he never stopped pointing out. But Christopher didn’t have to know that. Buck was trying to make a good first impression here!

“Did my dad invite you to come over?”

“Actually, Santa sent me with a very important job,” Buck replied. “Your dad doesn’t know I’m here.”

“So you’re like a surprise?”

Gosh, what a smart kid. “Exactly like a surprise!”

Chris nodded like that was the answer he was expecting before backing up and waving for Buck to come into the house behind him. “Dad hates surprises- I bet Chimney sent you.”

In an abstract way, Buck could follow that train of thought. Santa used chimneys to get all sorts of places. Maybe Chris thought Buck traveled from the North Pole by way of a magic chimney? Creative, if inaccurate. 

“Is your dad here?” Buck knew Eddie Diaz was on the Nice List, so he couldn’t imagine he would leave his son home alone at such a young age, but there didn’t seem to be anyone else there.

“He’s in the shower,” Chris said. “Do you want anything to drink while you wait?” He asked politely. Buck didn’t need to ask what list Christopher Diaz landed on every year.

“Do you have eggnog? Or hot cocoa?”

He followed Chris into the kitchen, taking in the photos and art on the fridge that made the house a home. And yet, like the tree, there was a distinct lack of holiday decorations, lights, or ornaments. He was going to have his work cut out for him with these two.

Eddie wasn’t sure what kind of Christmas music Chris had blaring in the kitchen, but it was probably the most terrible rendition of Jingle Bell Rock he’d ever heard. It was a relief to close his bedroom door behind him and muffle the wailing falsetto.

He’d just finished buttoning up his jeans when Eddie realized the singing had switched to talking and… laughing? 

Maybe Chimney stopped by. Scream-singing Christmas carols seemed on brand for him. Bobby not so much and there weren’t too many other men Chris would recognize if they came to the door.

Which was why Eddie found himself temporarily frozen in shock when he walked into his kitchen, sweater half pulled over his head, to find a tall, muscular stranger dancing with his son in the middle of the floor. Dressed like an honest-to-god elf, complete with very tight spandex pants and little bells on his feet.

“Dad!” Chris crowed, snapping him out of his shock. “This is Bucky the elf!”

Bucky the- what the fuck? Eddie didn’t wait for that sentence to make sense, instead reaching to snatch Chris away from the random potentially crazy person that his child - his child who should know better - let into their house.

“Who the hell are you?” 

Eddie was trying to stay calm. The last thing he wanted was to escalate the situation. Partially because, though he hated to admit it, this guy could actually take him in a fight if it came to that. But also because Chris looked shocked and a little scared, not at the absolute stranger, but at him.  

Eddie had been prepared for Christmas to be tough this year, Shannon returning only to slip out of their lives forever in the span of a few short months. The last thing he wanted was for Christopher to watch his dad beat up who he thought was one of Santa’s helpers. It didn’t help that his bat was down the hall and all the knives were on the counter behind the man-elf.

The man-elf who was looking at Eddie like he was the crazy one. 

“I’m Bucky… the elf,” the guy repeated slowly. Which, yeah, Eddie heard that the first time but it didn’t actually shed light on what Bucky the elf was doing dancing with his son in his kitchen.

“Chris, go to your room,” he said as calmly as he could. Right now it seemed likely that this guy was harmless but Eddie wasn’t going to take any chances.

“Dad,” Chris whined. “We’re making hot cocoa!”

“Eddie, hot cocoa!” The elf echoed in a matching tone. 

All thoughts of de-escalation and calm flew out of Eddie’s mind with the force of a hurricane. This guy knew his name. He was in his house. Somehow making Eddie look like the bad guy for trying to remove his son from a potentially dangerous situation. 

“That’s it,” he snapped.

“Oh no,” Chris said, eyes wide and darting from his father to the elf.

“Oh no?” Bucky the ever-loving elf repeated, eyebrows climbing in alarm.

“Duck and cover,” Chris replied seriously.

As a rule, Eddie didn’t yell around Chris. He grew up with a father who yelled and knew from experience that it didn’t make for a very nurturing or safe-feeling environment. And Chris deserved to feel nurtured and safe at home, especially when the world outside had already shown him how uncaring and cold it could be.

“Christopher. Your room. Now.”

So no. He didn’t ever yell in front of Chris. That didn’t mean he never yelled, period. He just waited until Christopher was out of the room. 

What? Eddie never claimed to be perfect.

“You’re ruining Christmas,” his son told him sternly before making his way out of the kitchen.

That was true regardless of how well- or not well- Eddie handled this unwanted intruder in his house. He was the one who thought surprising Chris with Shannon on Christmas Day last year was a good idea. He was the one who didn’t think it through. Who made sure the holiday season was doomed to ruin and sadness. Even if she had lived, Shannon was leaving them again. He set the bar impossibly high and fell just about as far as it was possible to fall. The moment Eddie agreed to let her back into their lives he ruined every future Christmas.

And if it was already beyond the point of salvation, what was stopping him from letting just a tiny fraction of his frustration and pain pour out of his mouth the instant Chris shut his bedroom door? This elf walked into his home uninvited and Eddie’d be damned if he felt badly for yelling about it. 

It only took around twenty minutes for Eddie to start feeling bad about yelling, damnit. He felt bad about losing control like that. He felt even worse for scaring the trespassing elf. Duck and cover was right- the instant Eddie hit his stride, storming toward Bucky while raging about boundaries and basic human decency, the other man turned and dashed out of the kitchen with a yelp of true terror. 

In all honesty, Eddie had enjoyed a small moment of triumph for chasing out their intruder. A moment that ended when he walked out of the kitchen and, instead of entering the dining room to find his front door open and the elf gone, he saw a pair of jingling boots peeking out from behind the Christmas tree. Boots that only jingled harder when Eddie tried to shout them out from behind said tree. Boots that shuffled and dodged his every attempt to grab at them from under the evergreen boughs. 

It didn’t take too long for Eddie to start feeling silly, then embarrassed, then outright ashamed. The sound of yelling had been replaced by crying. And not just from behind the tree, but also from the first room down the hall where Christopher was hiding.

Eddie had really, truly ruined Christmas.

Now what am I going to do?

After trying everything he could think of to coax his son out of his room and convince the elf/man to come out of hiding, he finally gave up and called in reinforcements. 

Reinforcements who made him explain, twice, what bizarre situation he was in. Reinforcements that laughed uproariously at him for several long, long minutes before agreeing to come over. 

Eddie was a little smug to find Hen wasn’t laughing once she laid eyes on Buck, still sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest behind the Christmas tree. He tried to ignore the light touch of shame creeping up his spine at the bare, boring tree but it pulsed stronger than ever when he considered how his failure to make this holiday season something special for Chris probably directly resulted in the boy inviting a deranged stranger into their home out of some desperate desire for Christmas cheer. Dad of the year right here.

Hen took her time assessing the situation, much like Bobby did when they got a bizarre call in the field. Eventually she turned to him, shrugged, and held baffled eye contact for a few long seconds. Eddie could only shrug in return, equally unsure how to give voice to this cluckerfuckery. If she didn’t have any genius ideas, Athena would be his next phone call.

“You said his name is, uh Ducky?” Hen asked.

“Bucky. Bucky the elf.”

He didn’t think Hen’s eyebrows could climb higher. He was wrong. She crouched down low to peek at the man through the branches of his tree, ducking a bit to try and catch his eye. Eddie knew from experience that Hen had a way of making you feel seen and safe if she caught you in her soft gaze. He’d been avoiding her eyes for the better part of the year, not yet deserving of that comfort.

“Hey there, Bucky,” she murmured low and quiet. 

Eddie heard a loud sniffle, a few needles falling from the tree to the carpet as blonde curls lifted to reveal bright blue eyes rimmed with red.

“H-hi Hen,” Bucky whispered.

Hen’s eyes shot up to his but he shook his head- he never told the guy her name. 

“Have we met before?” Hen asked.

“No.” More branches shifted and shed needles as he wiped a green sleeve across his nose. It reminded Eddie that he hadn’t watered the tree even once since dragging it home and setting it in the stand. “But Santa loves the letters you send. I- I hope Denny gets that little brother or sister that you’re wishing for this year.”

Hen reeled back just a bit but he continued talking, unaware. “Those types of wishes are tricky. Santa has limits to his magic, you know? He can arrange circumstances. Create opportunities. But he’s really pulling for you and Karen.”

“Bucky-”

"Buck is fine too.”

“Okay,” Hen crossed her legs and got comfortable on the floor. “Buck. It sounds like you know Santa pretty well.”

Buck nodded enthusiastically. The ever growing pile of pine needles on the floor only added to Eddie’s self loathing.

“So why are you here in California? I’d imagine this is a busy week at the North Pole- Santa doesn’t need you there?”

Buck inhaled deeply before he answered, speaking rapidly like he had to fit the entire explanation into a single breath. “Oh it is, but there’s something much more important that Santa needs me for this week. Do you know how much Christmas Spirit it takes to fuel Santa’s sleigh so he can deliver all his presents in a single night without being seen? The energy output worldwide is declining and we’re reaching critically low levels again. 

“If we can’t figure out why Christmas Spirit is becoming so hard to find, Santa may not be able to keep up with his deliveries. The North Pole Research Institute needs more data in order to formulate a strategy and the regular sized elves, well, they don’t love leaving Santa’s Village if they can help it, so they sent me!”

Eddie still wasn’t sure that this was really happening. Or that it wasn’t an elaborate prank that Chimney was willing to take way too far. Hen seemed equally torn, chewing her lip like she genuinely didn’t know what to try next. It seemed clear that the only way to keep Buck calm was to play along with the delusion.

“Buck?” Even using his best keep the patient calm voice, Eddie saw Buck flinch back a bit. Which, considering how badly he flew off the handle earlier, was fair. “Buck, I’m sorry for shouting before. You caught me off guard and I didn’t know if you were, uh, if you were a bad guy.”

A branch parts to reveal Buck looking wary but curious. “Why would a bad guy make hot cocoa?”

Another fair point. “That’s true. But maybe you could explain why you’re in my house, if you have this big project from Santa to worry about?”

Buck sighed another branch-ruffling sigh and mumbled something too soft for Eddie to hear. Hen must have caught it though, a bark of laughter making his heart jump with its suddenness. 

“Eddie? Eddie is a case study for the project?” Hen verified and- oh, oh no . Eddie was all set with that.

“Me? Don’t I have to, you know, agree to something like that? Why on earth would you want to study me?” 

Not that Eddie believed any of this was real. Even if Hen looked delighted by the prospect of an elf doing research on him the week before Christmas. Someone had to keep their head. 

“Eddie.” Buck sounded like he was being the unreasonable one. “Christmas is in a week. Where are your decorations? Why hasn’t Santa received your wishes? Or Chris’ for that matter? Your household had one of the biggest drops in Christmas Spirit since last year- my job is to figure out why.”

Well that was easy, Eddie thought. Last year, Shannon was alive. Last year, he had something to give to his son that was meant to be life changing for all of them. And it was, but in the complete opposite way from how he intended it. So maybe they weren’t filled with comfort and joy this year. Maybe they needed a year to lay low. Fly under the radar.

And everyone who knew them, really knew them and bore witness to any part of the last year, understood that. They didn’t push Eddie and Chris to be festive and fake some cheer in the name of the holiday season. They left well enough alone. 

But not Buck. And the last thing Eddie was going to do was open his barely-healing wounds to be studied and judged by a stranger in a costume. Not a chance.

“Sorry, Buck, but I’m not interested in a case study. You’ll have to tell Santa to find someone else.”

“Find someone-” the entire tree shook as Buck finally emerged from his hiding place with a theatrical gasp that was all too sincere. “Find someone else ? I can’t do that, Eddie! This is the very first job Santa has ever trusted me with. I can’t show up at the North Pole empty handed!”

Eddie could tell he wasn’t far off from yelling again. He still had to get lunch made. Not to mention mending things with Chris. It was really time for the elf to leave. Hen must have sensed his rapidly deteriorating tolerance because she stood up to step in between them.

“It’s okay, Buck,” she soothed. “You know, I have somewhere I could bring you where I’m sure you’ll find lots of people to talk to. You can still help Santa out and Eddie can do Christmas in whatever way makes him happy.”

Buck stooped a bit, as if he didn’t want Eddie to hear this next part. “But they’re not happy, Hen. Eddie’s a grownup, they don’t put out much Christmas Spirit anyway. But Christopher… Christopher Diaz needs my help.”

There was something disarming about hearing his son’s name dropped out of a stranger’s mouth, laced with so much genuine concern. Buck sounded like he was hurting with the knowledge that Chris was struggling. And that- that caught Eddie off guard. 

“If Chris needs help, I’ll help him, Buck. I’m his family.” Eddie hoped he sounded more convincing than he felt. 

Don’t drag him down with you.  

Was it a warning or a prophecy, destined to come true eventually? Was Chris’ unhappiness so apparent that a stranger walking by his house noticed and decided to do something about it? Or had this guy been genuinely stalking them?

Buck sidestepped Hen to stand uncomfortably close, his broad chest nearly pressed against Eddie’s. Close enough that he noticed Buck actually had an inch or two on him and smelled like candy canes. His bright blue eyes were wide and pleading like helping Chris, helping Eddie, was what he wanted most in this world. Which absolutely made the guy crazy, because who would want any part of this mess if they weren’t somehow obligated to be involved?

“You can’t carol from an empty songbook, Eddie. How many holiday crafts has Chris done at school this year, only to hide them when he gets home? How many times has he asked you to change the radio station when Christmas songs are playing? Has he wanted to watch a single Christmas movie or put a single decoration on the tree? He doesn’t believe in the magic of Christmas and I… well, I’d like to try and change that. For both of you. If- if you’ll let me.”

“There’s no such thing as magic.” 

It was the only thing Eddie could dispute because the rest of it- the rest of it was uncomfortably accurate. He thought Chris needed a holiday free of expectation and wanted to respect whatever his son did and did not want to do. At least, that was the reason he told himself. 

The uglier, less easy to swallow fact was that Eddie didn’t want to be reminded of last Christmas. So when Chris didn’t ask, Eddie didn’t push. Every song on the radio or smell of the tree was somehow paired with a memory of Shannon. It was easier to avoid the pain of those memories if he avoided everything else, too.

Buck looked like he’d been slapped. “No such thing as magic?” He glanced toward Hen in disbelief. “And how do you explain Santa delivering all those presents in a single night if he doesn’t use magic?”

“Buck, c’mon. Santa isn’t mmph-” a warm hand clapped over his mouth before he could get the words out.

“This is worse than I thought,” Buck gasped, his eyes squeezed shut for a few long moments before they reopened even wider than before. “I was supposed to save this for a special occasion, but it’s clear we’re not going to make any progress until you see some magic with your own eyes.”

Buck uncovered Eddie’s mouth to dig around in the little bag by his side. It was a simple, brown leather sling that was large enough to hold a couple of books. Maybe a laptop if it was on the smaller side. Yet his long arm disappeared into the bag all the way to the shoulder in a move that wasn’t physically possible as he reached down and down, his face screwed up in concentration.

It must have been a trick or something- there was no way all the clanking and jingling noises coming from the bag were real. Clearly it was a recording of toys and other large, very solid objects being knocked off shelves. That was it. There wasn’t another logical explanation. In his peripheral, Eddie could see Hen’s mouth hanging open.

“Got it!” Buck exclaimed, straightening up and pulling his arm out of the bag to reveal a miraculously unbroken snow globe. 

It was pretty nondescript, just a plain wooden base with the standard clear glass orb containing liquid and fake snow that swirled around inside. There wasn’t even an angel or a little village scene in there. Nothing but snow.

“What do you see?” Buck asked, his eyes twinkling with excitement.

“Nothing,” Eddie replied. Maybe now Hen would agree to calling Athena.

“Look again- is there something familiar inside?”

A rebuttal was born and died on his tongue before he could give it voice. Because there was something in the globe, now that he looked again. A blue couch. A tree without a single decoration. And-

“Is that us?” Hen whispered like she honestly couldn’t believe her eyes.

Eddie knew the feeling. There, where before he saw nothing but snow and liquid, appeared a perfectly formed miniature rendition of his living room. Complete with a tiny figurine of Hen. Of Eddie. Of Bucky the elf.

“How did you do that?” 

Buck shrugged, a tiny smile tucked into his cheek. “Magic.”

No, that… that couldn’t be. There had to be a plausible explanation for what he was seeing. 

“Still don’t believe?” Buck asked. “Here, shake it.”

He held the globe out to Eddie and for a wild moment he considered smashing it to the floor, just to see what would happen. But as soon as his fingers wrapped around the wood at the base, he felt a warmth run up his arm and settle in his chest. The globe was heavy, far heavier than he expected, and he reached out with his other hand just to make sure it didn’t slip out of his grip.

Eddie looked up and Buck was smiling softly, fondly in a way he wasn’t used to seeing directed toward him from anyone but his abuela. It was an encouragement as much as it was a promise. You can do it and I’ll be right here the whole time wrapped in one.

He held the globe out in front of his body and twisted his wrists this way and that until all the fake snow inside swirled and danced riotously around the tiny rendition of his living room. Eddie looked closely at the scene inside and waited, but nothing out of the ordinary seemed to be happening within the snow globe.

When the first flake landed on Eddie’s ear, he jumped hard enough that he almost dropped the snow globe despite his careful grip. Luckily, Buck was right there to reach out and wrap his hands securely over Eddie’s, gently removing it from his shaking fingers. He hardly noticed, too busy trying to reconcile what he was seeing happen in his real, life sized living room with what he knew was possible. 

Another snowflake hit the tip of his nose, melting instantly in a spot of cold that was gone before he’d truly registered the feel of it. Then more began to float down from the ceiling, catching in his eyelashes and on his clothes and his hair. 

It was snowing inside Eddie’s living room.

Finally, Eddie wasn’t looking at him like he got into Santa’s special gummies. The snow melted too fast to really stick with how warm it was in Los Angeles, but it left glittering drops everywhere it touched like morning dew. Hen was laughing, open and full bellied, with her hands held out in front of her like she could only believe what was happening if she saved little puddles in her palms.

Eddie, though. Eddie stood still, his eyes wide and wondering as he watched flake after flake drop into his hair and his slightly upturned face. A drop of water trembled on the top of his nose, shuddering as Eddie exhaled. Buck wasn’t sure why, but he had the oddest desire to catch it on the pad of his finger and save it rather than letting it drop to the carpet.

“Dad?”

Chris rounded the corner, his entire face pulled into a frown like he was offended by the laughter in the living room that he wasn’t a part of. It only took a second for that scowl to transform into wonder and another second for Eddie to unfreeze and rush to his son, scooping him up and running him back to their tiny winter wonderland.

For a kid who had probably never seen snow before, Chris knew exactly what to do. As Eddie spun him around, he leaned back with his tongue out as far as it could go, catching snowflakes and giggling madly with his arms waving wildly. His fingers just barely grazed Buck’s chest as he swung past, filling him with the same kind of warmth the snow globe always emitted. Childlike wonder and joy was exactly the sort of improvement he was hoping to make around here and he couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself.

“Bucky, you made it snow!” 

And sure, maybe he was trying to prove a very stubborn Eddie wrong about magic and get him to understand the importance of his research. But seeing the wide open grin on Chris’ face and the way he kept tilting his head to taste more frozen flakes was a pretty good side benefit. 

Maybe the lack of snow really was part of the problem here in LA? He’d have to write that hypothesis down.

Soon enough the tiny flurries subsided, leaving all of them a little breathless and rather damp. Buck wasn’t sure how to break the silence that fell over the group, even if he knew he needed confirmation that he wasn’t going to be sent back to the North Pole on his very first day. He didn’t have any more tricks up his sleeve- or in his bag- if Eddie needed more convincing.

Luckily, he had Christopher as an ally. 

“Dad,” he said, pressing his chilled little hands into Eddie’s cheeks, “Now can we have hot cocoa? Please?”

Buck held his breath; this was it. Moment of truth. As tempted as he was to plead his case, he was a little worried about making Eddie yell again, so he pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth and tried to keep his feet from tapping. A light jingling from his boots told him he didn’t do a great job with that last part. He hugged the snow globe to his chest, empty once more, and wished on Rudolf himself that they’d let him stay.

He could tell Eddie was looking at him, his gaze heavy like deep snow settling over a rooftop. Buck wasn’t sure why it felt impossible to meet his eyes. He just knew that to look up would require more bravery than an elf like him possessed.

“Yeah,” Eddie said, a little like he couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Let’s make that hot cocoa.”

He and Chris cheered in unison as the little boy wiggled to be set down, instantly reaching for Buck’s hand once he had his feet under him. And there was that warm feeling again when tiny fingers tangled with his, pulling him forward toward the kitchen. 

As Buck followed obediently, he caught Hen out of the corner of his eye stepping up to Eddie by the Christmas tree.

“No such thing as magic, huh?” She teased.

“Shut up,” Eddie sighed. It would have worried Buck, if not for the smile that transformed his face into something young and bright.

Maybe the Diaz’s weren't a hopeless case after all. He didn't have his portable Christmas Spirometer in front of him and it seemed like poor etiquette to pull it out right in front of his test subjects, but Buck was certain they were on track to hit record highs by Christmas Eve. 

Eddie wondered vaguely if he slipped in the shower, hit his head, and this was all some sort of coma dream. That seemed far more plausible than a snowstorm in his living room and the world’s tallest, most gorgeous elf singing a truly horrible rendition of Dominic the Donkey with his kid. But he asked Hen to pinch him, hard, and that sure hurt like a son of a bitch. Not to mention that, frankly, Eddie didn’t think his imagination could come up with all this on its own.

“Maybe we could use our inside singing voices,” Eddie suggested after the third round of heehawheehaw’s threatened to shatter all the glass in the house.

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear,” Buck promptly replied like some kind of Christmas fortune cookie.

Hen rested a hand on his shoulder just in time to prevent him from voicing any additional thoughts on the matter. “I was going to see if Karen and Denny wanted to stop by. Assuming that’s alright with you, uh, Bucky,” she said, shattering any residual illusions Eddie had about still being in charge around here.

“Denny?” Chris piped in hopefully, at the same time Buck said, “The more the merrier!”

So that was decided, then.

Soon enough Eddie’s house was full of people and, he had to admit, more laughter and cheer than they’d felt in a long time. He could tell Karen wasn’t sold on the whole elves are real and so is magic thing but when both Hen and Eddie swore that yes, he made it snow in the house and no, they weren’t pulling some elaborate prank because their names weren’t Chimney, she relented.

After that Eddie took over the hot cocoa preparations, in part because he didn’t trust Buck around hot objects but mostly so he had an excuse to be on the outskirts for a few minutes. Hen and Karen were peppering Buck with questions about his life in the North Pole, Chris and Denny were peppering him with slightly more absurd questions about Santa’s Village, and Buck was talking a mile a minute to keep up. Eddie just needed to get his head on straight before he dove into all that.

As he slowly heated milk, sugar, cocoa, cinnamon, and a little chili powder and cayenne for a kick he got a crash course in elf life. Turned out, Bucky wasn’t the only giant elf (but I am the first to travel to the West Coast! Buddy went to New York City to find his dad but he lives back in the North Pole now and has a wife and a baby on the way!), how he got to the North Pole (Santa brought me there himself! Buddy was ten when I arrived and, well, none of the elf families really wanted to raise a human so everyone just took care of me together), and this was his first research assignment (human elves can’t make toys as fast as regular elves, so Santa wanted to give me a job that I’ll be good at… hopefully).

It wasn’t hard to read between the lines and realize that Bucky was pretty lonely and felt out of place in the North Pole. And that- Eddie could relate to that. Feeling out of sync in your own life, like no matter how hard you try you’re always slightly out of step. He wanted to ask Buck why, of all the families all over the world, Santa sent him here. Were they really such a dire case? Had Eddie failed so badly as a father that he and Chris were at the top of Santa’s Most Wanted list? Surely, surely there were people and families and kids out there with even less Christmas Spirit? He got a tree, after all, and he was determined to decorate it by the end of the week so that Christmas morning at least looked holly jolly. And he’d gotten Christopher twice as many presents as he normally did in an attempt to distract him from what was missing this year. 

So yeah, they wouldn’t be winning any awards for most Christmas decor, but did they really warrant emergency elf intervention?

He decided to keep his questions to himself. Everyone else was enjoying themselves. Chris hadn’t stopped smiling since he came out of his room and got to taste snow for the first time. Buck being here was good. It was good. If it made Eddie feel some type of way that he couldn’t bring happiness and light to his own home for his own kid without help, well. That was his issue to deal with.

“Who’s ready for cocoa?” He asked, the artificial cheer in his voice leaving a lingering taste in his mouth like cocoa powder without the sugar to mellow its bitterness.

Eddie didn’t want to bring down the mood, not with his son looking so carefree. So he tucked it away and focused on his friends, his family, and his… elf?

Hot cocoa inevitably turned into lunch (what’s pizza, Buck had asked and there was no way Chris was going to allow their new elf friend to miss out on one of life’s greatest food groups) which turned into a Christmas movie marathon (I’ve met the grinch- he’s mostly just misunderstood, Buck had whispered). The Wilson’s left in the early evening so Eddie threw some spaghetti together for dinner (I’ve heard of spaghetti, Buck said. Do you put chocolate syrup on yours?). Chris begged to stay up and teach Buck to play Mario Cart for a few hours which led to an extra late bedtime and by then it only felt natural to invite Buck to stay. Even if he could only offer him the couch. 

How had so much changed in just a few short hours? Eddie still felt like he’d failed his kid on some fundamental level, that feeling wasn’t going away anytime soon. But having Buck there- it wasn’t like his parents. It wasn’t hovering, passive comments, and subtle attempts to control his and Chris’ lives. It was clear that Buck enjoyed being around them just for the sake of it. The cheer and warmth he exuded was natural, like he genuinely wanted to know Chris and Eddie and spend time with them. Which was probably stupid of him to think, the guy was literally assigned to them, but- he couldn’t shake the feeling that Buck felt more at home with them than he did at the North Pole. 

It didn’t help that Buck seemed overjoyed at the prospect of crashing on the couch, something Eddie suspected was just his default state. It was like he fully expected to be kicked to the curb to sleep out on the porch or something. Which, considering how the first ten minutes of their time together went, may also be Eddie’s fault. But now that he knew Buck wasn’t some delusional home invader he really wanted to make the elf feel welcome. So with the spare bedding set out and the promise that his door was open if Buck needed anything in the night, Eddie turned in after the most bizarre day of his life. 

He expected to remain alert and awake all night himself, what with the man who was still very much a stranger sleeping under his roof. But there was still a buzz under his skin from where honest-to-god magic snowflakes landed and melted just that morning and despite himself, he trusted Buck’s innate goodness. More than that, Eddie had to admit that he wanted Buck there, with him and with Chris, to see what other miracles he might be hiding in that bag of his. And so for once, sleep found him quickly and easily.

Buck couldn’t wait for Eddie and Christopher to wake up. They’d been sleeping for hours, the entire night just wasted! No wonder Santa managed to get in and out of every house on Christmas Eve- everyone just went into their rooms and closed their doors, snoring until morning. 

Buck would have been bored out of his mind if there wasn’t so much to get done around here. In a strange way it was good that he had to clean and organize and find the decorations- who knew there was an entire hidden room above all the other rooms- then he spent several hours untangling lights because Eddie was apparently an uncivilized Neanderthal when it came to proper storage… All in all, Buck was actually behind schedule.

He had to put decorating aside a few hours ago to start on breakfast. They’d need a hearty meal before they got the tree, the house, and the yard Christmas-ready. He just hoped he made enough food. He wasn't entirely sure about the elf to human conversion when it came to breakfast consumption.

Chris’ giggles gave him away before he got to the kitchen. When the cheerful boy shuffled through the door his laughter transformed into cheers of delight. So. Pancakes were a good idea after all.

The two of them must have made enough noise to pull Eddie out of bed and into their orbit, his eyes going wide at the spread of food (and baking ingredients) all over the kitchen. Buck realized it probably wasn’t good guest behavior to leave such a mess. He just… wanted everything to be perfect today and lost track of time. He’d make sure Eddie knew Buck would clean it all up himself, he didn’t need any help. Compared to Santa’s workshop on a busy day, this was nothing.

But when Eddie glanced over, he didn’t look mad. Amused, maybe. Confused, definitely. Then he crossed the room to a little black machine Buck had never seen before. It was hard to tell what Eddie was doing, his broad shoulders and back making it impossible to see, but a strange smell wafted through the air, blending with the syrup and whipped cream Buck set out on the table. It smelled familiar but for the life of him, Buck couldn’t place it.

“Morning,” Eddie managed to say eventually.

“Dad! Buck made so many pancakes!”

“I can see that, Mijo. Are we expecting company and no one told me? Maybe a dozen more elves with big appetites?”

“No,” Buck said, suddenly shy. “Still just one elf. I, uh, I didn’t know what kind of pancakes you both like so I made plain and chocolate chip and banana and cinnamon swirl. Then I didn’t know if you like shapes or round so… I made a few different options. And you can’t have pancakes without toppings, everyone knows that.”

Eddie’s eyes crinkled like Santa’s did when he was feeling extra jolly. “Of course everyone knows that, what was I thinking?”

“Look Dad! Mickey Mouse! And an octopus!”

“That’s some impressive pancake art, Buck,” Eddie said, holding out a mug full of a warm, brown liquid. 

It had been a long time since Buck felt like he was taking care of someone. Sure, he contributed to the work alongside his fellow elves, but this felt different. He would make a million more animal pancakes if it kept Chris smiling and Eddie chuckling under his breath. He felt useful and wanted, maybe even needed, here in this small kitchen where the sun was already making him too warm in his elfwear, where-

Buck coughed violently, the disgustingly bitter hot drink Eddie just tricked him into sipping spewing over the closest stack of pancakes - blueberry - and scalding his legs through his tights. Tears welled in his eyes from the pain and embarrassment. Was Eddie playing a mean trick on him? That happened sometimes in Santa’s Village, the tweenie elves getting a good laugh at his expense because he was tall and awkward and alone.

But Chris and Eddie weren’t laughing. They didn't look like they’d just pulled off a cruel prank. Chris peeked over the jug of syrup with wide, concerned eyes and Eddie- Eddie was already on the other side of the kitchen grabbing a dish towel and making his way back to Buck’s side.

“Too hot? Sorry Buck, I should have warned you,” he said sincerely.

“What- what in the candy cane forest is that?” Buck demanded, shooting his mug a look of horror.

Eddie followed his gaze to the drink and back to his face once, then again. 

“You mean your coffee?”

Buck’s lip curled in distaste.

“What’s coffee? And why does it taste like licking a streetlight?” Buck had licked one of those- just once- and, aside from the temperature, they left the same lingering flavor on his tongue.

Christopher tried unsuccessfully to hide a laugh behind his hands. “Bucky likes hot cocoa, not coffee Dad.”

Eddie rolled his eyes at his son and it still didn’t feel like the joke was at his expense.

“Sorry, what was I thinking. Most adults drink coffee in the morning, Buck, but I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“But why do they drink it if it tastes like that?”

“You get used to it,” Eddie shrugged. 

That didn’t seem like a very good answer to Buck. “Why get used to it when you could drink hot cocoa instead? Especially with marshmallows on top?”

Eddie sat back down and seemed to consider it for a moment, sipping from his own mug of disgustingness like it was even remotely tolerable. Buck was pretty sure this was one of those things that grownups just convinced themselves of at some point to separate them from being kids, like growing up was some great thing that everybody should want to do. He said as much, earning another shrug and a thumbs up from Chris.

“Let me make it a little more Buck-friendly, then,” Eddie said, scooping the mug off the table and pulling the eggnog from the fridge. He poured some of the coffee out, replacing it with the sweeter drink. Then he returned to the table and tipped maple syrup into the mug. Finally, he stirred the lighter brown concoction with a spoon and returned it to the same spot at the table with a little flourish.

“Tell me what you think.”

Buck wanted to be polite, to be a good guest and representative of the North Pole, but his lap was still uncomfortably damp from the last mouthful of coffee he tried. Maybe he could pretend to drink some? Eddie was pretty smart, though. He might not buy it and then he might get offended. Probably best to accept his fate. There were plenty of pancakes he could use to wash down the taste afterward.

But to his surprise the coffee was… good. Really good. Creamy and sweet, not too hot, the bitterness from before hardly noticeable and gone in a moment when the eggnog took over. He drank a little more, a satisfied hum working its way out of his chest at the way the coffee warmed him from the inside out. This made a little more sense, unlike the monstrosity that Eddie seemed satisfied drinking.

“Better?” Eddie asked, laughing at Buck’s enthusiastic nod. “Let me grab you something to change into. You’re in luck, it’s laundry day. Unless… unless you need that dry cleaned or something?”

Buck didn’t know what dry cleaned meant, so he was pretty sure that wasn’t necessary. “This is everyday elfwear, just normal laundry is fine. Thank you.”

He noticed the time on the clock above the stove and gasped.

“We’re four minutes behind schedule! Golly gumdrops, we need to hurry if we’re going to get everything done today!”

Eddie crinkled his face in frowny confusion, halfway out the kitchen door. “What do you mean, get everything done today?” 

Turned out Buck really meant everything. After pumping themselves full of sugar and caffeine, they hung decorations and played Christmas carols loud enough that Eddie’s neighbors could sing along if they were so inclined. They took a break for lunch, a sophisticated menu of grilled cheese and tomato soup so that, according to Buck, they could pretend it was a snow day. Eddie went along with it, even though he was in a tshirt and Buck was in a pair of his athletic shorts after the coffee fiasco of this morning. He felt a little bad for not asking Buck how he took his coffee, or if he took it at all since somehow the entirety of the North Pole was a caffeine free zone. Which, really, how was he to know? It wasn’t like they’d entertained a real, living elf in their home before. God, now he sounded like a crazy person. 

The point was, by lunch it sort of felt normal to have Buck around. Like he was a long lost friend they used to see a lot and just needed a little time to adjust to again. It was natural to work around him in the kitchen, setting out bowls while letting him do all the actual cooking. It was easy to poke gentle fun at his pale, mile long legs that clearly never saw the light of day. The weather in California was probably a bit of a shock to Buck’s system, come to think of it. By all accounts, he should have been sweating bullets in Eddie’s hoodie but he refused to take the thing off all day, absolutely enthralled with the pocket that his arm could reach all the way through. And even that seemed perfectly normal after less than a day. The strangest, most mundane things that normal people took for granted had Buck practically falling over himself in childlike wonder.

Eddie couldn’t remember the last time he felt the sort of joy that Buck seemed to express at every turn. He knew it had been a lot longer than was probably healthy. No wonder he and Chris somehow ended up on Santa’s radar. It should've made him feel pathetic. Like a failure, as so many things did. But he couldn’t quite manage to sink to such lows when Buck was so buoyant, lifting him and Chris up and giving them a chance to catch their collective breath above the waves that had been pummeling them for so long. 

After lunch they tumbled over one another to get out the door and set the yard up with lights. It all seemed a little overboard to Eddie and that was before Buck appeared with a giant inflatable snow globe that he claimed also came from his bottomless bag of goodies. It was so large they had to stake the thing to the ground and would likely cost a fortune on the electric bill. But once it was full of air and the snow inside the globe began to swirl, Chris’ laughter and cheers reminded Eddie that there were things worth more than money.

Like his kid, for example, clinging to Buck’s back like a spider monkey as the elf ran laps around their massive, mildly obnoxious snow globe, the two of them singing like a pair of banshees. And the fact that they were standing in the same spot where, almost a year earlier, Shannon had crouched in wait behind a tree to surprise their son. For once, thinking back on that day didn’t hurt like a stab to his gut. There was still sadness lingering on the edges of the memory, Eddie didn’t feel numb toward it. But the act of standing on his own front lawn no longer made him want to curl up and squeeze his eyes shut against the world. 

Right there, just a few feet away, a new memory was forming. One that made Eddie think maybe there was something to this whole Christmas Spirit thing after all. He hated to admit how easily Buck had managed to change his mind. His excitement was infectious in a way that actually reminded Eddie of Shannon, of all things. Before the Army. Before the gut wrenching panic of a positive pregnancy test when they thought they’d been so careful. To the Shannon that dragged him out dancing on the weekends, knowing that his protests were half hearted at best. To the Shannon who knew that once they were out and the music was pulsing it was Eddie who inevitably begged for one more song, one more dance before they called it a night. That Shannon seemed to have an endless capacity for fun and an affinity for mischief that Eddie spotted in Chris every now and then.

Then there was Buck, who in less than a full day had somehow woven into the Diaz home with a warmth they had been sorely lacking. He shook out the curtains and let the light in after a long period of gloom and darkness. Eddie wanted to hold onto that inkling that kept flitting through his mind that Buck was there to make everything okay. But he’d experienced a lifetime of shoes dropping after letting himself believe in happy endings, so try as he might, there was a part of him that wouldn’t stop whispering that it was all too good to be true.

That whisper changed into an I told you so at around two in the morning. After an afternoon of laughter and play, after decorating the tree and taking a drive around the neighborhoods with the best Christmas lights that weren’t as good as theirs, according to Christopher. After pulling Buck’s ridiculous elfwear, as he liked to call it, from the dryer to find the elf himself twisting at the pocket of his hoodie with a clear reluctance to part from it. After telling Buck he could hang onto the borrowed clothes and even try a pair of sweatpants for bed if he wanted, only to be met with awestruck eyes and a stammering thank you that left Eddie wondering what else he could give to get a reaction like that. After a bedtime filled with stories about Buck’s travels through the candy cane forest and his very first ooo brrr ride (as he called it, refusing to be corrected despite Chris’ many attempts). After his son proclaimed that it was the best day ever.

After all that, came the nightmares.

Neither of the Diaz’s were strangers to falling asleep feeling safe only to wake up in terror. It was a lesson in helplessness for Eddie, who couldn’t overcome his own demons, let alone chase away the ones that plagued his son. 

So when the screaming started, Eddie left his heart somewhere in the vicinity of his pillow in his haste to get to Chris’ room, even though he wouldn’t be able to offer more than his warm presence and empty promises. He didn’t expect to run bodily into Buck, who looked terrified and, for some reason, was covered in paper scraps and glitter. 

He could ask later, pushing past their resident elf to get to Christopher’s bedside. This was a bad one; usually Chris was already awake by the time Eddie got to him. Now, though, he was thrashing under his covers, tears glistening on his cheeks in the glow of his nightlight. Eddie called his name once, twice, and gathered his son in his arms before his breathing changed and he gasped awake.

“Mommy?” 

And any tiny repairs or healing Eddie had managed to do to his heart in the last 24 hours was undone in that single, stuttered word. The life raft he’d been floating on all day sank and they were back below the surface of the waves, wondering if fighting the current was even worth the energy it took. Maybe the relief of a good day was more of a curse than a blessing. Maybe all it did was remind them what it felt like to be normal when Eddie should know by now that it won’t last. He only ever managed to drag Chris down with him, try as he might otherwise.

“Oh mijo,” Eddie breathed into his unruly hair, hating how wet his own voice sounded. “You had a nightmare but I’m right here. Wanna tell me what it was about?”

Chris shook his head against Eddie’s chest, his breaths evening out even as he clung with surprising strength.

“Is Bucky still here?” 

The elf in question, who had been hovering anxiously in the hall, stepped into the room at the sound of his name.

“Right here, Chris,” he said, still looking a little terrified himself. Poor guy probably didn’t have a clue what to do in a situation like this. Welcome to the club, elf boy.

Chris lifted his head to locate where his voice was coming from. “Thought maybe I made you up,” he mumbled. “Sorry if I scared you.”

To Buck’s credit, all his hesitation and worry seemed to vanish at Chris’ words. He crossed the room and dropped onto the foot of the bed with a big enough bounce to jostle the two of them against the pillows. Eddie huffed an exaggerated oof that pulled a small smile from his little boy, a bit of the darkness disappearing from the air around them.

“Nope, definitely real,” Buck said. “And I’m not scared, Chris, just worried. Santa says worrying about something means you care about it and it’s important to you.”

“Santa says, huh?” Eddie asked.

“Yes Eddie,” Buck huffed, sharing a look with Chris across the mattress. “Don’t tell me you already forgot that Santa is real- you must be getting old, forgetting such important facts. Can you believe that Chris? Is he always like this?”

His son, his own flesh and blood, betrayed him with a nod and a giggle that was only a little slow to emerge. Buck looked delighted at the sound, something Eddie understood all too well. 

It was strange to suddenly not be alone in this. Not just the despair, but the joy as well. To have someone’s eyes to catch and hold over Christopher’s head. Someone to share a smile with when the little boy leaning into his chest cracked a massive yawn before he could make a joke at Eddie’s expense. 

“Alright bud,” he soothed. “You wanna sleep in here or with me?”

Most of his attention was on his son. Buck just happened to be right in front of him, hovering in his field of vision. That was the only reason Eddie noticed him flinch at the question, his face pinched in uncertainty as if he didn't even know why his body reacted that way. Another quirk to file away about their new elf friend.

“Your room?”

That refocused Eddie once more. “Sounds like a plan, Superman. Say goodnight to Buck- make sure to tell him that our house had better not be covered in paper snowflakes when we wake up in the morning.”

His giggle was a little more natural that time. “Goodnight Bucky- Dad says to make as many paper snowflakes as you want!”

“Wha-” Eddie sputtered and gasped indignantly as he stood and tossed Chris over his shoulder. If his parents were around to see it they’d tut and shoot him looks of disapproval for riling Chris up when he was meant to be going back to sleep. But the giggles were growing into full blown laughter, the kind that hiccup out of him because he couldn’t get a full breath in, and by the time Eddie tumbled them into his own sleep-warmed bed there wasn't a trace of fear on his son’s face. 

The rest he could handle in the morning. 

It wasn’t until Chris’ laughter faded into soft, even snores that Eddie realized Buck was still there, hovering uncertainly in the doorway.

"Buck? You alright?”

The elf shuffled a little closer to lean against his door jam. Eddie felt half asleep but fought to keep his eyes open, trying to make out as much of Buck’s face as he could in the dark. It surprised Eddie, once again, that he could be so comfortable with Buck that sleep could find him under his gaze.

“What, um, I mean-” he stumbled over his words like the thought was too big for his mouth. “Why did Chris have a bad dream?”

Normally that was the last question Eddie wanted to answer. The fact that someone witnessed the full extent of his failure to his child would typically have his hackles up and his mouth shut. But Buck wasn’t asking like it was part of his research. He wasn’t probing like he wanted insider information or confirmation to a judgment he was passing down on Eddie. From what he could see of Buck’s shadowy face he looked confused and deeply, genuinely sad.

“Chris, uh, we both, we lost-” Knowing Buck’s intentions were good didn’t make it any easier to say the words.

“His mother,” Buck confirmed with a nod. “I know, Eddie, and I’m sorry she’s gone when you only just got her back.”

“You know? Then why are you asking about the nightmares?”

“I just thought- we had a good day.” Buck looked down and dragged his foot back and forth at the threshold of the room like he was drawing a line between them. Eddie didn’t like that, though he wasn’t entirely sure why it should bother him at all. “It seemed like Chris was really happy. So, I don’t know why…”

Did people die at the North Pole? Eddie never really considered that before. Elves and Santa, the reindeer- did they just stay perpetually frozen at whatever age they happen to be? How did that work? Was death an abstract concept to Buck in the same way a sunburn might be? Something the elf knew existed but had never personally experienced? Maybe Buck only knew joy and happiness, which was why it didn’t make sense to him that pain and sadness clung so hard to Eddie and Chris that it could darken even the brightest days. Maybe this was his first time facing a problem that couldn’t be solved with lights and tinsel and sugar plums. It must have been nice, to live in a world without grief. A place as perfect as a snow globe.

“One good day doesn’t fix something that’s this broken, Buck.”

He waited in the dark for Eddie to explain. He waited for Eddie to tell him what he could do, what would make it better for Chris. That was Buck’s job, right? Because right now it felt like he was failing pretty miserably at fixing the Christmas Spirit in the Diaz house. But one minute turned into two and the line he had drawn between where he stood and where the father and son lay had become more solid and real. Like maybe even words couldn’t cross it.

The feeling was familiar but Buck couldn’t place it. All he knew was it was heavy enough to make his feet drag when he turned to go back down the hall. If Eddie had something else to say, something that might bring Buck an iota of comfort, he’d have to say it to the darkness. For some reason, Buck was certain he wasn’t allowed such indulgences, even though he couldn’t remember anyone ever telling him so.

Instead he returned to the couch and his pile of blank paper that was slowly being transformed into beautiful snowflake decorations. There, on the floor half under the coffee table, lay the scissors and the snowflake he was working on when Chris started to cry out in his sleep. He picked it up only to discover a large rip right through the middle. It was unsalvageable. No amount of clear tape would reconnect the delicate web of paper. Sometimes Buck thought he couldn’t do anything right.

Normally, Buck was good at Christmas Cheer. Everyone said so. He was good at smiling extra wide and being fun and loud. He was good at decorating, current ruined snowflake aside, and finding pretty distractions that made it easy to forget for a little while that not everything was tinsel and mistletoe all the time. But that only ever seemed to work for so long before sadness returned to tug at Buck. At Christopher and Eddie too, it seemed. Christmas Cheer was only temporary. It sparkled and shone like lights on the tree; beautiful and eye-catching, but producing no real warmth. Buck had always wondered if that was all there was- if life was just a pile of empty boxes, wrapped in falsely bright and happy paper that was so easily ripped away. Maybe they were all making wishes because none of them knew how to fix things on their own.

A tear splashed onto the ripped snowflake. It was soon followed by more, any time he couldn’t catch them in the sleeve of Eddie’s sweatshirt. Buck’s skin felt too tight. His hands felt too big. Too clumsy and rough to handle something as delicate as the paper he had tried to turn into something beautiful and destroyed instead. 

Eddie’s words played around in his head like the worst sort of echo: One good day doesn’t fix something that’s this broken. 

When Santa sent him to the Diaz house, Buck knew it wouldn’t be easy to bring back their Christmas Spirit. It was clear in the neat, written script in Santa’s ledger of wishes from the year before.

Edmundo Diaz: I wish I knew if letting Shannon back into our lives was the right thing to do

Christopher Diaz: I wish my mommy would come home

This year there had been no wishes from the Diaz’s. Not in the mail and not in their hearts. Nothing whispered in the dark or in the ear of a jolly imposter Santa, the kind who sat on their thrones of lies. Last year they both got their wishes and Buck wasn’t sure, after what he saw tonight, if he could blame them for biting their tongues from now on.

Wishes could be tricky things, every elf knows that. Sure, there were the simple wishes for toys or candy that Santa could grant with his eyes closed. But the big wishes, like Hen and Karen wishing for a baby or the kids who wished their parents wouldn’t fight or Buck wishing, year after year, for something to fill the strange empty spaces inside of him that tugged and twisted every so often to remind him they were still there- those wishes didn’t always get an answer. Or that was the answer: nothingness. 

Santa liked to ponder the philosophy behind why some wishes were never fulfilled, especially when Mrs. Claus spiked the eggnog. Buck always thought it was because, although they could pour as much good as possible into the world, it didn’t eliminate the bad. People still got to make their own choices and bad things still happened to good people. Sometimes wishes just never came true. Sometimes they did and it only made a bad situation worse..

None of that would stop Buck from wishing with all his heart that Christopher Diaz never had another bad dream for the rest of his life. He repeated the thought, over and over, until he fell asleep with the ripped snowflake still crumpled in his hands.

Chapter Text

“Dad-”

“Shhh, Chris.”

“But Dad,” Chris’ voice pulled Buck out of a dream that involved Arctic Puffin doing the limbo under Mr. Narwhal’s horn while he played.. the harmonica? “Buck snores, really loud.”

Somewhere nearby, Eddie snorted. Buck wasn’t ready to open his eyes quite yet but now that he was awake he could smell sausage and that weird coffee drink Eddie liked. He was warm, curled up on the couch under a blanket that he was sure wasn’t there when he fell back to sleep last night. 

Growing up, Buck slept on a lot of couches, though none of them were this big. The elves had a schedule for who hosted Buck and when, since no one elf family wanted to take on the project of raising him themselves. Each week he’d pack his bag and move into another tiny home full of tiny furniture. All the elves were perfectly polite. They all took their responsibility seriously and fed and cared for Buck without complaint. But only for their week. It wasn’t like Buddy with Papa Elf, who complained loudly to anyone who would listen whenever Buddy broke another bed or sat on another elf without realizing it but who always, always smiled when Buddy came into the room. Papa Elf probably always made sure Buddy was snuggled under a warm blanket on a cold night.

That had never happened to Bucky, until now.

He could tell Christopher was hovering nearby, waiting for him to indicate that he was done snoring and getting up. It felt like a good sign, after the night before, that Chris was in the mood for teasing before he even knew Buck could hear him. He’d gladly be roasted like chestnuts on an open fire all day if it made the little boy happy again. That was his primary research objective, after all.

Tucking his face into the pillow, Buck let out a rip-roaring snore that sent the boy into a fit of laughter. Eddie too, from the sound of it. It made it impossible to keep up the charade, what with the grin overtaking his own face and Christopher collapsing on top of his chest with some imitation snores of his own. With his eyes finally open, Buck took in the mess of paper, glitter, and crafting supplies that he had spread over the coffee table the night before. First the pancakes and now this- what a terrible house guest he was! Santa would be ashamed. Sleeping away for hours like a normal person when his work station - temporary though it was - still needed to be tidied and cleaned! 

Buck turned to where Eddie was leaning in the doorway to the kitchen, prepared to apologize profusely for his lapse in manners. But Eddie didn’t look annoyed, not at all. He was smiling a small, fond smile, watching Chris as his snore-fest devolved back into a bad case of the giggles. Still, Buck wasn’t about to besmirch the good name of elves everywhere by leaving a mess for someone else to clean up. 

“Hey, Chris,” Eddie said from where he was still leaning in the doorway. Buck couldn’t remember ever seeing someone who leaned quite like that. Eddie was a good leaner. He made leaning look… tempting? Buck wasn’t sure what any of that meant, he just knew Eddie could keep leaning there as long as he wanted. That was all. “What did I say about paper snowflakes last night?”

Ut-oh…

“You said make as many as you want!” Chris exclaimed, picking up a string of snowflakes that Buck cut out but never got around to hanging up. 

Eddie scowled, but Buck was starting to recognize the difference between his real ‘I’m about to chase you out of the room while shouting’ scowl and the playful ‘I’m trying to look tough but I don’t mean it’ scowl. This was definitely the good kind. 

“I did say that, didn’t I? Looks like Buck decided a thousand was enough.”

“This is only sixty four,” Buck corrected. For some reason that only made Eddie smile all over again.

“Ah, well, you can ask Chris- I've never been great at math.”

Chris nodded seriously. “He’s terrible at math.”

Crisis averted, Buck stood up to start gathering the scraps of paper that had scattered like a dusting of unmeltable snow around the table and floor. But before he could get very far, Chris reached out to grab his arm.

“Can you teach me how to make paper snowflakes, Bucky?”

As if he could ever say no to a request like that. No one ever asked Buck to teach them things. He was always the one tugging at aprons and shirt sleeves, trying to be useful and helpful while being the youngest and least skilled elf the North Pole had to offer. 

But before he could do more than nod enthusiastically, Eddie cut in with a, “Not before you eat your breakfast, Mijo.”

“Breakfast burritos?” Chris asked.

“Breakfast burritos,” Eddie confirmed. 

“With sprinkles?” Buck asked, clueless as to what a breakfast burrito was but not wanting to be left out of the conversation. Based on Chris’ renewed laughter and Eddie’s fond - fond? Buck thought it was fond - head shake, he would guess sprinkles weren’t normally a topping in this house. Not a problem, he packed his own just in case.

“Want coffee in your hot cocoa, Buck?” Eddie asked as he moved around the table. 

“And whipped cream?” 

Eddie blinked a few times, then a few more. 

“If I agree to whipped cream, are you going to ask about putting sprinkles on top?”

Wow, Eddie sure was smart. He reached into his bag, first with one arm, then the other when he couldn’t quite get a grip on the right drawer. Eventually, he had to stick his whole head and shoulders in too just to be sure he was grabbing the Christmas sprinkles instead of the rainbow ones. By the time he found the right shaker and sat back up, both Diaz’s were staring, wide eyed and slack jawed.

“Sorry,” Buck apologized automatically. Was bringing your own sprinkles some kind of normal human faux pas? Should he have asked about their sprinkle preferences before forcing his own onto them?

“Was that more magic?” Christopher asked, his eyes bright and curious.

“Oh, uh…” Buck replied, a little unsure how to answer the question. Like Santa’s bag for all the toys and gifts he had to deliver all around the world on Christmas Eve, Buck’s bag was as big on the inside as his imagination. All elf bags were. Vaguely, he remembered a time when he owned a backpack that never got any bigger no matter how hard he tried fitting more things into it. Was that what everything was like down here? Unaffected by the power of the mind and heart, bound permanently by physical limitations?

How boring.

“I suppose it is a sort of magic,” Buck conceded. “Are Christmas sprinkles alright?” He decided to check, just in case.

“Christmas sprinkles are fine,” Eddie said with another small smile and shake of his head.

Buck didn’t want to accidentally do anything else that might be considered rude, so he made sure to cover Eddie’s coffee and Chris’s hot cocoa with the tiny green Christmas trees and red ornaments made of sugar before turning to his own mug. He couldn’t help but notice how happy and… normal Christopher seemed today. It was hard to imagine last night was even real, especially since neither of his new friends - er, research subjects - had brought it up. Maybe Eddie had already spoken to his son while Buck was snoring on the couch? Or maybe those sorts of things weren’t easy to bring up once the sun rose and chased all that darkness away. 

They spent most of breakfast talking about the North Pole. Christopher was very interested to hear which Christmas movies got things right and which were way off base (don’t even get him started on the island of misfit toys). Buck was happy to talk about his home and all his friends there. He loved the North Pole. He loved working and being part of something bigger than himself. Helping people, bringing joy to children- those parts especially made Buck feel like he had a purpose. Even if the other elves were better at it than he was.

It was a little strange, though, that he wasn’t homesick yet.

Eddie was washing dishes, his back to their conversation, when his phone started to ring where he’d left it on the small breakfast table.

“Hey bud, could you see who that is?”

In the North Pole, there was only one phone and only Santa or Mrs. Claus could answer it. It was a capital R Rule. Buck had always dreamed of being important enough to answer a phone, so he wasted no time diving at the one up for grabs and pressing it to his ear.

“Bucky the elf, what’s your favorite color?!” He shouted at the tiny box.

“What the-” a man’s voice said in his ear.

“What the-” Eddie yelped from the sink, water flying from how fast he spun around.

“Jungle green,” Christopher said with the absolute certainty only children seemed to possess about such things.

“Buck, no- what- give me that!” Eddie reached out then pulled his hands back, probably realizing that soap suds and telephone calls didn’t mix (even Buck knew that). “Put it on speak her,” he said instead.

“It’s a man,” Buck explained.

Eddie blinked. “What?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t assume,” Buck conceded. “I could be speaking to her, or him. Or them,” he added, wondering how Eddie could possibly know who was on the phone when Buck hadn’t even gotten an answer to his first and most important question.

“No, Buck, put it on speaker phone,” Eddie explained as if Buck had a clue what that meant. He didn’t want to keep the mystery speaker waiting, so he held the phone up and Eddie, with a few muttered words that made Chris giggle, leaned down and pressed his ear to the phone.

“Hello? Hey Cap- yup, yeah Hen wasn’t, uh, she wasn’t exaggerating,” Eddie said, looking pretty uncomfortable stooped half over the table to reach Buck’s hand. He knew the feeling- his arm was getting tired already. It would have been much easier if Buck had just handled the call himself but now they were stuck meeting in the middle. “No, no, she wasn’t lying about that either. Yes, really,” Eddie closed his eyes and shifted just enough that his cheek ended up resting against Buck’s knuckles. For some reason, that made his arm hurt less. “Lunch? Oh, um, that, that’s really nice but-”

“Yes!” Christopher shouted. “We love lunch!”

“You have school,” Eddie reminded him. “Carla will be here soon, go pick out some clothes, okay bud?”

“But Bucky is here, I don’t want to go to school!”

“Tough luck- no, not you Cap, Chris just realized that school isn’t canceled just because you have an elf as a house guest.”

“I’m sick!”

“Christopher,” Eddie warned in his much more serious grownup voice. “Go pick out some clothes before Carla gets here or I’ll let her dress you however she wants.”

“No.” Chris folded his arms and slumped in his chair. In response, Eddie stood back up to his full height and put his hands on his hips. Unstoppable force? Meet immovable object.

Buck decided it was the perfect time to slowly pull the phone back to his own ear.

“Hello?” He whispered while Eddie and Chris had the least fun looking staring contest Buck had ever witnessed.

“Hello, is this Chuckie the elf?”

“Bucky,” he corrected. “Is this Cap?”

“It is,” Cap said. It was a strange name but then again, so was Bucky. “My favorite color is Goldenrod.”

Oh, Buck liked him already.

“Excellent choice! And you know Hen?”

Cap hummed. “I work with Hen and Eddie. I heard you were visiting and wanted to invite you all to have lunch here today. It’s not every day we get a real elf from the North Pole in town and Athena and I wanted to meet you.”

Golly gumdrops, Cap sure knew how to make an elf feel special. He turned to check with Eddie but he wasn’t where Buck had left him. Instead of standing tall in the middle of the kitchen, prepared to go toe to toe with Chris over whether or not it was a school day, he was kneeling by his son’s chair, one large hand on Chris’ shoulder while the other held the edge of the table for balance. Both of the Diaz’s looked contrite and their eyes shimmered like they were wet. Buck didn’t want to interrupt.

“Lunch sounds great, Cap,” he said into the phone. “I’ll bring the sprinkles.” And he hung up.

Sneaking out of the room, while appealing, ran the risk of bursting whatever little bubble Chris and Eddie had formed around them while Buck was talking to Cap. And Buck, well, he couldn’t deny that he was curious what sorts of things fathers and sons talked about when they disagreed. Surely it would be alright if he sat very still and didn’t say anything; their interactions were an important aspect of his research.

“What’s this really about, Chris?” Eddie asked softly, ducking his head even lower to catch the little boy’s rapidly blinking eyes. It hadn’t escaped his notice that Buck wasn’t on the phone anymore- god knows what he’d agreed to without Eddie’s direct supervision, but his son was more important than anything else in the world, let alone their lunch plans. 

Chris had been a little off all morning, which wasn’t unusual after a night like they’d had. He was quiet until he saw Buck asleep on the couch and then he got loud. Too loud. The sort of brash, look at me I’m right here loud that Eddie realized now was his son’s attempt at proving to the world that he was fine. But starting a fight over school was so outside the realm of fine for Christopher that it set alarm bells ringing in Eddie’s head… after about a minute of forgetting that the two of them didn’t fight. They weren’t Eddie and Ramon. It was up to him to make sure they took a different path than the one paved by the generations that came before them.

Small hands plucked at his hoodie for a moment. “I don’t want to go to school,” he admitted. Well, that much was clear. Eddie squashed his instinct to push for more information, knowing silence worked best on Christopher. Eventually he’d always find a way to fill it. “Everyone keeps talking about what they want for Christmas and- and all the fun things they’re planning to do during break.”

Of course. Even if the other kids were well meaning and not being little snots, it was easy for things to turn into a competition over who was going to get the coolest new gadget or travel to the best tropical paradise. “Was there, uh, was there something you wanted to do during break? Cause if there is, you just have to let me know,” Eddie said. “Maybe we could take Buck to the zoo or-”

“That’s not why,” Chris interrupted softly. “It’s just hard to act like I’m excited too when- when I’m not. Cause Mommy isn’t here.”

Eddie wasn’t sure why, but he looked to Buck across the table as the truth kicked in: Chris was unhappy. Deeply so, and he’d been doing his best to hide it. Not just from the other kids at school, but from Eddie too. And here he was, the adult solely responsible for his kid’s happiness, looking to a man slash elf who he barely knew as if the guy had the solution to this impossible puzzle. Buck didn’t even know what coffee was before yesterday, how was he supposed to help Eddie and Chris with something so complex?

There weren’t words for what Eddie wanted to convey, so he lifted Chris off his chair and turned so he could sit and hold his son in his lap instead. Chris snuggled in with a sniffle and clung like he used to as a toddler, when his body was in pain that he wasn’t old enough to understand or explain. Eddie remembered how helpless he felt then. It was the same now. 

“Mijo,” he started, not entirely sure what he wanted to say until the words tripped over his tongue in starts and stops. “It’s- it’s okay to be sad. It’s even okay to be mad, sometimes. When bad things happen, it can take a long time for those big feelings to go away and special holidays like Christmas can be- well… they can be hard. But,” and he leaned back just enough that Chris could see the sincerity in his face, “I don’t ever want you to think you have to pretend to be happy if you aren’t. The people who love you - and there are a lot of them - they’ll keep right on loving you even if you aren’t in the mood to have fun. Even if it’s Christmas. Do you understand?”

Chris nodded but over his shoulder, Eddie could see that it was Buck who didn’t seem to understand. He looked like he’d been told the sky was green and that sprinkles don’t belong on coffee. Like he had to recalibrate everything he knew about the world. 

“Daddy,” Chris put his hands over Eddie’s cheeks the way he always did when he had something important to say. “You don’t have to pretend either. Cause- cause the people who love you won’t stop loving you just because you’re sad sometimes too.”

Maybe Buck wasn’t the only one who needed to recalibrate their worldview…

“And who decided to invite a supermodel to breakfast and didn’t warn me?” Carla interrupted just in time to prevent an internal crisis with her usual snappy sense of humor, probably taking in far too much with a single glance around the cramped kitchen. “I would’ve worn my good undies.”

It caught Eddie so off guard that he snorted, setting Chris off with some much needed genuine laughter. Only Buck continued to look a little subdued, though he still managed to smile at Chris’ lightheartedness and introduced himself to Carla with his typical I’m Bucky the elf spiel. Bless her, Carla didn’t bat an eye about the whole elf thing. God knows what she really thought but Eddie figured the two of them were safe enough to get to know one another alone for a few minutes as he carried Chris down the hall to get changed for the day. School or no school, they weren’t showing up to the Grant-Nash household in their sleeping clothes.

But show up to the Grant-Nash household was exactly what they ended up doing after a few hours of crafts that produced even more paper snowflakes. Eddie hadn’t fully realized just how much he had withdrawn from his friends and family until Buck was there to help draw him back out. The entire week from that point on was a whirlwind of activity. It wasn’t frivolous, going through the motions types of things, either. Each day, each visit or outing, felt meaningful and significant. It felt like healing. And not just for him but for Chris as well. He was smiling more, sharing more about his thoughts and feelings- even the ones he thought he was supposed to hide from the world. Having Buck with them constantly seemed like the most natural thing in the world. His excitement and curiosity, the way he asked questions and genuinely listened to the answers, was exactly what he and his son seemed to need to finally begin cresting the mountain of their grief. 

It was obvious in the way Cap smiled over at him during lunch that first day that he could see it too. Later he pulled Eddie aside while Athena and Buck had their heads together in the kitchen, plotting or planning something that he wasn’t sure he wanted to know about. 

“How are things going?” Bobby asked in that neutral way he had perfected where you could take his question at any level and respond in kind, all the while knowing he wouldn't push for more if you weren’t ready. Eddie had been answering Cap’s questions on the shallow end for a while. I’m fine, it’s fine, everything is fine. Maybe it was time to wade a little deeper.

“I think we’ve both been hurting for so long we forgot how to be any other way,” he replied honestly. If there was anyone who could understand, it was Bobby. Knowing what he’d been through, seeing the man he’d become by putting one foot in front of the other, was both inspiring and intimidating. Eddie felt crushed under the weight of his responsibilities and his pain more often than not but at least he had Chris to be a light in the darkness. Bobby somehow found his way even after every beacon around him was snuffed out.

Bobby clapped him on the shoulder, looking so damned proud of Eddie for opening up that it made him wonder what exactly he’d been waiting for. “Sometimes all we can do is keep moving forward until someone comes across our path who takes us in a new direction.”

They looked toward the kitchen, the love Bobby contained for Athena practically glowing in his eyes. What Eddie felt for Shannon was complicated from beginning to end, but it was theirs and the fact that it was messy didn’t make Eddie miss it any less. Could he love like that again? Could he build something even stronger and cleaner, like what Bobby found with Athena? For the first time, Eddie really thought that he could.

Lunch with the Nash-Grants turned into dinner with Tia Pepa and Abuela, who fawned over Buck like their long lost relative, finally returned from far off lands. It was both hilarious and enlightening because it was obvious to anyone with eyes that Buck didn’t have a clue what to do with the attention. He seemed to love it, smiling wide the entire night, eating and complimenting everything in front of him while beguiling the women with stories from Santa’s Village. But there was a bemused squint to his eyes more often than not, as if the elf was sure there had been a mistake and it was some other six foot something beautiful man they were confusing him with.

And then there were the questions that seemed to cause Buck to stumble over himself, making Eddie wonder just how much of Buck’s early life he really remembered.

“So, Buck,” Tia Pepa asked as they sat down to eat. “How did you end up in the North Pole? I can’t imagine you applied for a job as a toy maker.”

“Oh no, I’m actually not all that good at making toys. Big hands, little screws- it’s not as easy as it looks. It was Santa who brought me to the North Pole himself!”

Pepa got that shrewd look in her eye like she did when she sensed that something wasn’t adding up. As a kid, Eddie learned quickly not to try and pull one over on his tia because more often than not, he’d get caught in his lie. “He brought you to the North Pole? Recently?”

Buck laughed like that was a clever joke. “Oh Sugar Plums no! As a boy- grownups aren't allowed in Santa’s Village except in very special circumstances.”

“And before that, where did you live? I assume you have parents?”

Eddie could see the point she was trying to make. Buck had to have come from somewhere. Santa wouldn’t have kidnapped him, right? Surely if Buck had parents, if he had a family, then he wouldn’t have ended up in the North Pole? Had he been an orphan?

Buck looked more uncomfortable at those questions than when the subject came up before. Maybe no one really pressed him for details when he was in the North Pole since it seemed to really throw him for a loop now. And it didn’t seem as if they were bringing up bad memories, exactly, more like- like there weren’t any memories at all.

Eventually Buck jerked his shoulders in a sharp shrug. “I-I can’t remember anything from before. But Buddy, the other elf who’s also a human, had a dad in New York City and Santa told him all about it and sent Buddy to find him. So- so I think if someone, uh, if someone missed me Santa would have said so.”

Thank god for Chris, who did what Eddie wasn’t brave enough to do in front of his family, and got up from his seat to go around the table and climb into Buck’s lap for a hug. They avoided bringing up Buck’s life before the North Pole after that and focused instead on making him feel like no matter where he’d come from, they were glad he ended up there with them.

It was just a coincidence - or bad luck - that they had a call the next day while Eddie was on shift that brought them back around to the subject. Cap had explicitly and loudly invited Buck to join him at the 118 for their shift a couple days before Christmas Eve. It was a short one since they were on for Christmas Day that year and Bobby thought having Buck there would be fun for the team (not to mention educational for Buck). And he was right, for the most part. Ironically, Chimney spent the first hour or so convinced that the entire 118 were pulling his leg by bringing an extra tall, aspiring actor to the firehouse to act like an elf. He kept trying to catch Buck breaking character, much to Hen’s amusement. 

Buck himself didn’t seem to notice or care, his attention split between running up the stairs and sliding down the fire pole as many times as he could in five minutes (twelve times, a house record) and touching literally every shiny piece of equipment they had on hand in the engine bay. Eddie lost count of the number of times he asked what does this do? When Bobby explained the concept of taking inventory, Buck nearly blew a gasket at the prospect of running around with a clipboard keeping track of supplies. When the alarm went off he was literally skipping with joy and Eddie thought the elf might burst into tears when Cap let him run the sirens.

Like with every other aspect of life, Buck was enthralled with firefighting. He absorbed every piece of information sent his way and volleyed a hundred questions back at whichever unfortunate soul engaged with him. Twice Hen pinched Eddie when she caught him smiling unabashedly at the high speed chatter Buck often fell into when he was excited about something. What could he say? There was something about Buck that was impossible not to feel drawn to.

So when they got a call close to the tail end of the shift, it already felt natural to have Buck pile into the truck with them. He borrowed a spare uniform of Bobby’s earlier in the day when it became clear that a fully decked out elf on calls was a little distracting to the average citizen of LA so he even looked like anyone else on the team. Sure the shirt was a bit tight across his chest and his complete disregard for personal space put him practically in Eddie’s lap, but it felt like he should always be riding along with them.

They pulled up to the mall closest to their firehouse, a place Eddie had only braved one time and then swore he’d never step foot into again. The call was for a missing boy, age five, whose frantic mother swore she only turned her back for a moment and when she looked back he was gone.

Athena was already there to keep the mall on lockdown and it was immediately apparent that finding the boy was going to be made all the more difficult due to the crowds of last minute shoppers who felt slighted by the inconvenience of not being allowed to leave. In order to find a missing child. Sometimes Eddie had unkind thoughts toward the general unwashed public. Luckily the 133 pulled in right behind them so they’d have additional boots on the ground. But before Bobby could even begin to coordinate for a grid search, Buck was off and running toward the doors, trying to muscle his way through the barrier and inside.

“Buck!” Eddie shouted, giving chase after a nod from Bobby. He caught up to him before the elf made it through the second set of clear glass doors that separated the disgruntled shoppers from the first responders. “We have to wait - Buck - Cap is making a plan before we go in!”

“But- but Eddie!” Buck sounded frantic as he turned away from the door, grabbing and holding his arm in a tight, clawing grip. “He’s just a little boy and he’s lost and - and - and what if he’s scared and doesn’t think anyone is looking for him? We don’t even know his name and he’s all alone somewhere in the cold.”

In the cold? Buck’s eyes were far away and Eddie had a bad feeling whispering in the back of his mind but he didn’t have time right now to dwell on it. “His name is Aiden, Aiden Jenkins, and there’s just as good a chance that he’s playing video games in the electronics section and never heard them calling his name over the intercom, alright? If he’s in the mall we’ll find him, Buck. We just have to work together as a team so we don’t miss any stores. Do you think you can help or do you want to wait in the truck?”

Buck took a few deep, steadying breaths and eased his hold on Eddie’s arm. “I want to help,” he said with a determined - and far more present - look in his eye. They shared a nod and Eddie led the way back to the rest of the team, where assignments were bing handed out.

In the end, Eddie was mostly right. Aiden had snuck away from his mother to the book cafe and fell asleep in an overstuffed armchair while flipping through a book on planes, trains, and automobiles. When the call came through the radio that Hen had the boy and was bringing him to the security desk to reunite with his mom, Buck excused himself to the bathroom. He returned to Eddie’s side a few minutes later, eyes red and puffy, but he didn’t say anything more about it so Eddie didn’t press. He just made sure that on the ride back to the station, he was the one leaning hard into Buck’s side.

When the shift was over, Hen invited him to bring “his boys” to her house the next day to make gingerbread houses. Eddie knew exactly what she was implying and made no attempt to correct her, much to his own surprise. Besides, after that call with the little boy it seemed like Buck could use some cheering up. Making gingerbread houses with Christopher and Denny seemed like the perfect way to do that.

The week had been going so well, after all. Eddie didn’t want to derail the progress he felt like they were all making. It didn’t occur to him that eventually, like always, the other shoe would drop right down on top of them all.

Buck really, truly wasn’t sure what had come over him. He’d practically forgotten all about the research he was supposed to be doing and had fallen way behind on his data collection points and notes. There was just so much to experience outside of the North Pole and it was hard to remember that the Diaz’s were research subjects first and foremost, even if they’d begun to feel like friends as well. 

He’d had the presence of mind to talk to Athena- who was a little scary, warm and sharp in equal parts- about setting up a Christmas surprise to ensure that Christmas Spirit was at an all time high when Santa was traveling the skies. With Buck. He and Santa would be traveling together. He kept slipping into the assumption that he would be there, to see Christopher open presents and to surprise Eddie, but that wasn’t the case. His return date for the research project was clear: December 24th, 11:59pm. He only had today and tomorrow left with all his new friends and he wanted to make them count.

But when things were quiet, his mind kept tumbling backward to the lost boy at the mall yesterday. And the questions from Eddie’s family about life before. If there was something before the North Pole, he didn’t remember it. And considering no one ever came around looking for a Bucky the elf, he didn’t think that life remembered him either. Which was just fine, he was perfectly happy as an elf. It just tickled his brain a bit, every now and again.

Going to Hen and Karen’s house was an excellent distraction. They really knew the proper process for high quality gingerbread houses. The morning was spent mixing and baking the walls and roofs and little gingerbread people and mixing up different colored frostings. Eddie wasn’t allowed to help, something to do with fire safety, and that set him off in the cute little grumbles he made when he was fake mad. 

Everything was going great until it was time to put the houses together and decorate. Hen and Eddie were sipping horrible normal coffee at the table while Karen prepped more frosting in the kitchen. Buck didn’t want to brag, but he’d placed third in the annual gingerbread decorating contest once when he was sixteen, so he was right there on the floor with Chris and Denny, helping them stick roofs to walls and offering sprinkle recommendations from his private collection. He was just about to start on icing some string lights when Christopher tugged on his sleeve.

“Bucky, can I spend Christmas with you? Dad’s working.”

It was clear that he was still feeling glum about that, which was understandable. Eddie’s work was the most fun place on earth with the most fun people but for some reason children weren’t allowed to come along all day like Buck did, they could only visit. And he and Athena had agreed their plan should be a secret between just a few grownups so that the kids could all be surprised on Christmas. As far as Christopher knew, he’d spend the day with his Tia Pepa and Abuela, along with some of his extended family.

“Aw Chris, I’d love to spend Christmas with you but I’ll be gone by then.”

“Gone?” Chris said loudly, his face scrunching in confusion.

“Santa’s picking me up on Christmas Eve when he comes through delivering presents. I’ll be back at the North Pole by Christmas Day,” Buck explained. With every word Chris’ face scrunched more and more, further than Buck thought it could possibly scrunch. Had… had Buck not mentioned that? He was only there for his research assignment, he could have sworn he said it only lasted the week? Maybe-

“Dad!” Chris shouted and, to Buck’s horror, there were tears gathering on his light bottom lashes and spilling down under his glasses by the time Eddie crossed the room to kneel by his side.

Eddie looked to Buck and then back to Chris. “What’s wrong Mijo? Are you hurt?”

Chris opened his mouth but instead of words, he let out a hiccuping cry and flung himself into his father’s chest. Eddie turned back to Buck, looking as shocked as he felt. He’d never made anyone cry before - he wouldn’t - and for it to be Christopher Diaz, one of the people most deserving of good things that he’d ever met, filled Buck with anguish. He was such a cotton-headed ninny muggins! His throat squeezed hard and his own vision swam with tears, which only seemed to confuse Eddie more.

“Can someone tell me what’s going on here?” He asked a little desperately.

“Chris asked if he could spend Christmas with Bucky,” Denny explained, a little taken aback himself, one hand still squeezing green icing onto the table. “But Bucky said he’s leaving with Santa on Christmas Eve.”

“What?” Eddie asked, sounding just like his son.

It only made Buck’s throat close tighter. He really couldn’t do anything right.

“I’m sorry,” he managed to croak. “I-I was only supposed to stay for a week. Santa- he’s picking me up tomorrow night. I thought I’d said-”

“But you can’t leave!” Christopher wailed, picking his head up off Eddie’s shoulder to glare at Buck through his tears. 

“Chris,” Eddie started to intervene but Christopher turned and with a great shove he knocked his gingerbread house into Buck’s, crumbling them both to cookie rubble.

“Go then,” he hissed between small, heaving breaths, each word like the stab of an icicle to Buck’s heart. “Everyone leaves so - so just go! We d-don’t want you anyway!”

“Christopher!” Eddie scolded but Buck held up a hand to stop him from saying anything else. Chris- Chris was right. At this very moment Buck was undermining the goals of the North Pole Research Institute. He got greedy and made it about himself, like he always did. If staying was ruining Christmas for the Diaz’s then - then of course he’d go. 

“I’ll make it there by morning if I start walking now,” he mused out loud. Eddie would have to mail him his clothes, although then he might expect Buck to return his own clothes and he really didn’t want to do that. He was in another borrowed hoodie, maroon this time, and thick gray joggers (a misnomer, he’d discovered, since no one ever did much jogging while wearing them), that smelled like laundry detergent and the deodorant Eddie showed him how to use. He wanted to take those smells and the feeling of being soft and cushioned with him if he was being dismissed early.

“Not sure that math adds up. Exactly how fast can you walk Buckaroo?” Hen mused from behind him, running her fingers through his hair in a way that Buck thought an older sister might do for a little brother.

“Doesn’t matter,” Eddie said before he could explain the portal Santa set up for him. “Cause Buck isn’t going anywhere.”

Christopher didn’t voice a protest to this but he also refused to unbury his head from Eddie’s chest where he’d hidden once more. Bizarrely, Buck felt the urge to join him there.

“Eddie,” he tried to argue.

“No, Buck. You’re staying. Until- until Christmas Eve. Until you want to leave.”

Well those weren’t the same thing at all. But if Eddie was giving him an extra day maybe- maybe Buck could find a way to make it up to Chris. Maybe he could leave tomorrow night and they would still be friends. The thought of Christopher being angry at him or sad because of him when they parted ways didn’t sit right with Buck. Not if he could do something to change it. 

The rest of that day and night were subdued. Christopher refused to talk to either him or Eddie, choosing instead to stay in his room. Eddie allowed him to take some time and space but said, loudly enough for Buck to hear, that he could be mad until tomorrow. Then they’d all sit down and talk about it.

It was strange that Eddie didn’t seem to recognize what a good father he was. Buck hoped that the past week had at least helped him realize that the Diaz’s didn’t need Buck to fix them. They weren’t broken beyond repair and, besides, they had all the tools they needed right already to mend and heal one another. Buck being there wasn’t essential, even though he’d like to think meeting him wasn’t all bad. Sure, Christopher made it clear that he wasn’t wanted in the end but Buck was used to that. It didn’t mean he didn’t have an impact. It just meant he was clinging when he needed to let go. 

Buck could tell Eddie wanted to talk to him about what happened earlier. Not just the gingerbread disaster but before, with the lost boy. Normally, talking was one of Buck’s favorite things in the whole wide world. But tonight he felt heavy all over and his words seemed to be stuck in his head like cookies when you forgot to grease the cookie sheet. He wasn’t sleepy but he found himself curled up on the couch with his hood pulled up and tied tight around his face. It was easier, in the muffled dark, to block out all the hard things he didn’t have words for. 

Eddie joined him on the couch after a while, watching something on the television quietly. Without meaning to, Buck uncurled a little at a time until the bottoms of his bare feet pressed against the side of Eddie’s leg. Always taking up too much space. But when he tried to draw his legs back in, Eddie wrapped his hand around one ankle and squeezed gently. It felt like permission to stay. Maybe not on the grand scale that Buck secretly wanted, but in one small way that lifted some of the heaviness from his body and his mind. Without meaning to, Buck fell asleep like that, Eddie’s thumb skating laps around and around the jut of bone.

It was common knowledge that elves never had nightmares. Buck did, though. The same one, actually, for as long as he could remember. Everything around him was bright and cheerful, colorful lights and music and laughter. But he was only cold. From the tips of his fingers to the soles of his feet, like he was trapped under ice. So cold he couldn’t draw breath. He was dying in the cold but no one around him gave so much as a glance, too caught up in their own merriment. And somehow Buck knew, he knew there was supposed to be someone there by his side. Someone who was meant to notice and care that he was drowning and freezing at once. 

But he was alone.

Usually, that was where the nightmare ended. It was always vague, like an out of focus photo that left impressions more than anything concrete. 

“Evan,” a man’s voice sighed in frustration.

“Evan,” a shrill female voice admonished.

“Evan,” the soft, kind voice of a girl echoed like a balm.

Evan, Evan, Evan.

That wasn’t the case tonight. Tonight the dream grew sharp and clear. People were everywhere but he didn’t recognize anyone. He wanted someone to stop and help him. He wanted his sister-

His sister…

His sister…

His sister Maddie.

Where was Maddie? Why wasn’t she with him?

“A special trip,” the man’s voice said.

“Just the three of us,” promised the woman.

But now he was alone and it was cold and dark. The people who had been passing back and forth were gone. No one had come back to find him. No one cared that he was left behind. 

“Hello there, Evan,” Santa’s voice greeted, wrapping him in warmth. “I could use a helper on my sleigh. Do you think you could do that?”

Evan. His name was Evan. Evan Buckley. And it wasn’t a nightmare that haunted him when he slept, it was a memory.

Buck- Buck woke up and remembered what happened before the North Pole.

It took a few seconds for Eddie to realize what, exactly, had pulled him from slumber in the middle of the night. If Chris had another nightmare or needed him, he’d just crash right into the side of the bed and wait for Eddie to pull him into the warmth and security of his arms. But there wasn’t anyone standing next to him.

“Jesus Christ!” He gasped, noticing the dark outline of a tall figure in the shadows by the door.

“Bucky the elf, actually,” Buck whispered gloomily in the dark. Eddie’s eyes adjusted well enough to see that Buck looked slightly embarrassed to be caught out, his eyes glued to his shuffling feet.

Eddie dragged his hands over his face. “Were you watching me sleep?”

“Yeah,” Buck murmured.

“Why?”

Silence. Eddie knew Buck heard him. He was about to give up on getting an answer when he heard the elf sigh with a weariness Eddie hadn’t realized he was capable of. 

“I think… I think I used to do it with my parents. When I was scared in the middle of the night and Maddie wasn’t home.”

“Maddie?”

Buck dropped onto the end of his bed and folded his legs under him in a way that made him look childlike and small.

“My sister,” he explained. “I, um, I knew my parents would be mad if I woke them up. So I’d get as close as I could and watch them until I felt brave enough to go back to bed.”

Eddie turned that over in his mind. He knew he wasn’t gunning for any parent of the year awards, not with a kid who apparently hated Christmas and felt like he had to hide that from him. So how horrible would someone have to be for their own child to be afraid to wake them up in the night when they needed something?

Wait a second-

“I thought you didn’t have parents at the North Pole?”

Buck shrugged. “I didn’t. But before that I- I had a family.”

Eddie waited but Buck didn’t seem to consider that a statement that required further explanation. He prodded him a bit with his foot from under the covers, startling the elf into looking up from his hands that twisted in his lap.

“It’s not a very cheerful story,” Buck explained with a shrug. “I only just started to remember.”

Eddie gives him another gentle nudge. “Tell me anyway?”

And with the same open, raw trust Buck seemed to bring to every aspect of life, he told him. 

In starts and stops, Buck shared that his parents didn’t love him, didn’t want him the same way they wanted his older sister. How on Christmas Eve the year Buck turned four, his parents took him on a special trip to New York City. He remembered packing his backpack with as many stuffed animals as he could fit so that they could see the sights too. He remembered feeling special for the very first time. His parents let Buck pick out a teddy bear at a toy store, bought him hot cocoa at the skating rink in Central Park, and promised him a trip to the zoo the next time they visited the city.

Then they brought Buck to Santa’s village- not the real one, of course, but I didn’t know the difference then - and had him get in line to meet fake Santa. It was a weekend and the line was very long, but Buck waited patiently for his turn because he had a very important wish to tell the jolly imposter.

“When the helper elves put me on Santa’s lap, I got nervous. I didn’t want my parents to find out what I said, but the old man pretending to be Santa was kind and promised he wouldn’t tell. So I whispered in his ear the most important wish in my heart: I wish my parents could love me all the time like they did today.”

It was frightening how easily Eddie could picture a small, blonde boy with wide, earnest eyes, asking some poor volunteer for something all children should have without question. He dreaded whatever else Buck was about to say because it was clear where this story was heading.

“I climbed off the platform and went back to the bench where my parents had been sitting. They- they were gone.” Eddie’s stomach dropped but Buck hardly paused to take a breath. “I- I- I tried to retrace our steps from earlier. I went to the skating rink and the hot cocoa stand but… well, they were already driving back to Pennsylvania at that point. I remember looking up at all the grownups walking by and wondering why none of them noticed me there. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t ask anyone for help. It was like my parents took my voice with them when they left.”

“Buck-” Eddie wasn’t sure what he could say, twenty years after the fact, to soothe a hurt that ran so deep. 

Buck shook his head, a small smile playing around his lips like this was just a quirky story and not a crack through his very foundation. “Lucky for me, the real Santa knew exactly where to find me. The song’s true, you know. He sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake. And I- I went back to that bench, when I couldn’t find my parents. I thought maybe they’d come find me. Eventually, I fell asleep there.

“The next thing I knew, Santa sat down and asked if I wanted to help him deliver presents in his sleigh. Said if I did a good job, maybe I could come with him to the North Pole and live in his village.”

The entire thing was still, on some level, completely absurd. He believed Buck, believed every halting word and explanation. And considering all the dark, terrible parts of life Eddie had seen, he felt incredibly grateful that no one else sat on that bench next to a four year old Buck and convinced him to trust them. 

“By the time I was old enough to realize I wasn’t like the other elves, Santa sat me down and told me that I hadn’t been born in the North Pole. He asked if I wanted to know about my life before but at the time, well… it didn’t seem worth knowing. I liked the life I had and I really didn’t remember anything before it. It seemed easier to pretend it never happened. But being here - seeing what normal people are like and spending time with you and Chris and the 118 - I guess it made me remember. I haven’t always been Bucky the Elf. I used to be Evan Buckley. And my parents threw me away.”

Eddie’s breath caught in his chest; surely, surely that wasn’t a coincidence? A sister named Maddie, a last name of Buckley?

“Your name isn’t really Buck?”

That got a genuine smile that flashed in the dark of the bedroom. “Nah, I just couldn’t say ‘Buckley’ when I first came to Santa’s Village- kept saying Bucky instead. The elves thought it was a better fit, if I was going to be an elf like them, and it kind of stuck.”

Evan Buckley, the unwanted child abandoned on Christmas Eve. Bucky the Elf, someone with a purpose- someone who belonged, more or less. He could see why Buck shed his old identity and embraced life as an elf. It hurt to know how much trauma Buck hid beneath his jingle bells and off key caroling.

It also gave Eddie an idea. The first inkling of a plan he was eager to put into motion. One he was tempted to share with Buck, if only to help lift the gloom that was still clinging to him like a thick shadow. But Eddie had to be sure- he wouldn’t risk dangling hope in front of Buck’s face only to snatch it away again.

It was a plan that just might give Buck a reason to stay in LA a little longer- something Eddie desperately wanted, for Christopher’s sake. And if the way his heart beat just a little bit faster when Buck’s ever-moving hands landed on his ankle to rest, momentarily at peace, was any indication, maybe the plan was for him as well.

Buck gave his leg a squeeze and set Eddie’s nerves dancing like sugar plum fairies. God, that elf lingo was contagious.

“Thanks for listening, Eddie. I’ll let you get some sleep,” Buck said, breaking their contact and glancing behind him. Back toward the door. Back toward the hall and the couch that felt impossibly far away.

Eddie thought of little Evan, too aware of his parent’s cold hearts to wake them when he needed someone in the middle of the night. He thought about the man who sat by his feet, brave enough to take up space and speak into the dark because he felt safe with Eddie. The last place he wanted Buck tonight was alone in the living room.

“Stay,” Eddie said, sliding over to the cold, perpetually empty side of the bed. 

Buck looked up, startled but unmistakably hopeful.

“Really?”

The darkness helped hide the blush Eddie felt on his cheeks. As of now, Buck was still leaving tomorrow night when Santa came through to deliver presents on Christmas Eve. He shouldn’t get his hopes up. And yet…

“Yeah, really.”

The heat and weight of another adult body beside him in bed was something Eddie had convinced himself he didn’t miss. Another lie that seemed easier to live if it meant he could avoid looking too closely at himself. The truth was, Eddie hated being alone. He hated that he went through life without a sounding board. Someone he knew was by his side and on his side, someone with whom he could share glances and thoughts and life. 

A partner.

Eddie had been so desperate to have that feeling back that he pulled Shannon into his arms and his bed without a second thought. He opened himself up to get hurt again, didn’t think things through, because the loneliness had been overwhelming.

Was that all this was with Buck? That loneliness had been growing sharp, jagged edges the closer they got to Christmas. Eddie still had so many open wounds he didn’t know how to soothe. Shannon asking for a divorce. Her death. The painful contrast between a happy, whole family last year and the near dread of the holidays this year. His ever-present worry that he was failing as a father.

Buck may think he was sent here to study the Diaz’s but Eddie’s pretty sure Santa saw how badly they were hurting and gave them their present early. He sent them Buck to-

“Hey Eddie, wanna tell scary stories?” 

-to keep him awake all night like they were kids at sleepover camp for the first time. The elf was practically vibrating under the covers, his eyes open wide enough to reflect the light through the window. Eddie wasn’t even trying to hide how hard it made him smile.

“You really want to hear a scary story?”

The rustling, restless movements stopped for a moment, then resumed with fervor. “No? No. Mr. Leon told me a scary story once and then I had to walk all the way back to Santa’s Village alone and I was sure there was an abominable snowman following me. Do you know any not-scary stories? Maybe about a bunny or-or-or a dinosaur but not the kind that eats other dinosaurs. Can you do sound effects?

"Eddie?

"Should… should I do the sound effects?”

Yeah, Eddie decided as he grinned unabashedly in the dark. He was in deep.

Buck typically had a hard time on Christmas Eve. Being in the North Pole helped because the elves stayed so busy that day. They had to get the presents ready, of course, but there was so much more to it than that. There were the reindeer to prep and harness up, the sleigh to inspect and test fly, the weather and wind to calculate and modify flight paths. Buck was on his feet and moving from well before sunrise until Santa took off, then all the elves gathered to celebrate another year of work well done and watch the monitors as Santa traveled the world.

It helped, too, that it was immediately followed by Buck’s favorite day of the year so any residual tingling of unhappy feelings were quickly erased and replaced with pure joy. The light of Christmas Day never failed to outshine the shadows of Christmas Eve.

This year, Buck was a little worried. Sure, he had to complete his report for Santa and he was tagging along with Eddie and Chris for an early Christmas Eve dinner at Bobby and Athena’s house, but that still left a lot of down time. And for the first time, Buck truly understood why this particular day made him anxious and sad. It didn’t help that Christopher was probably still mad at him so the morning was quiet and not very fun. 

Buck didn’t blame him, of course not, he just didn’t expect anyone to really miss him when he was gone. His parents didn’t and they had four years to get to know him. Why would a great kid like Chris miss him after only a week?

For that matter, why would Eddie? 

Buck probably hadn’t been around long enough for them to get sick of him. He was still fun and entertaining - even though there had been a lot more crying this week than he could have anticipated - but given a little more time, the Diaz’s would want Buck off their couch and out of their lives. That’s just how life went for Buck.

It didn’t hurt so much when he was expecting it.

Hopefully Eddie and Chris wouldn’t realize that he’d picked out some souvenirs to remember them by. The first hoodie Eddie let him borrow was folded and tucked away in his bag alongside one of Chris’ dinosaur figurines- the one whose mouth was the perfect size to fit around his fingertip like it was eating it. It would be nice to have something he could take out and run his fingers over when he missed them. Maybe Santa would let him come back and do a followup visit next year if Buck could convince him it was in the name of research. Assuming Eddie and Christopher wanted to see him again, that was.

“Lunch, Buck?” Eddie asked, poking his head out of the kitchen. “I can do sandwiches, soup, or both. Hot cocoa too if you want it.”

This morning Buck woke up warm and cozy and safe all tucked up against Eddie’s side. One of his arms was completely numb and his skin was overheated and sweaty and he couldn’t imagine anything more perfect. Eddie’s head was turned so his face was right up near Buck’s and his mouth was slightly parted as he took deep, even breaths. Buck wondered what, exactly, lips tasted like when they pressed together like he’d seen in movies. He always thought a kiss would taste sweet because all the best things in the world tasted that way. He’d only have to tilt his chin up an inch or so to find out and Eddie didn’t even have to wake up if he was careful. 

“Buck?” Eddie asked again, pulling the elf back to the present conversation. 

“I’m not very hungry, thank you though,” he replied. 

In the end, Buck thought he’d rather measure the sweetness of Eddie’s mouth when they were both awake, so he’d climbed out of the bed and started his last day with the Diaz’s without finding out. At least in his imagination their kisses would always be sugar coated and perfect.

Eddie came into the living room and sat next to him on the couch, close enough for Buck to lean into him just a little bit. While he still could.

“Want to tell me why you haven’t eaten all day?”

Not especially, but Eddie had this strange way of pulling honesty out of Buck.

“Chris was right. Why would anybody want me? I failed,” he said, hoping that was enough to satisfy Eddie. But he continued to sit quietly, looking at Buck like he had all the time in the world. That wasn’t normally the case. In fact, Buck couldn’t really remember anyone looking at him like they wanted him to keep talking except for maybe Maddie, a lifetime ago. “My research project? Fixing the Christmas Spirit for you and Chris? I- I failed. I failed Chris and I failed Santa. Not even my own parents wanted me so how could-”

“First of all,” Eddie interrupted, shifting so he could slide a hand over Buck’s shoulder to hold on tight, his thumb just barely dipping into the hollow above his collarbone. It felt like a full body hug shrunk down to just one hand. Like Eddie practiced his own special brand of magic. “I failed that kid more times than I care to count, and I’m his father. But I love him enough to never stop trying, and I know you do too. And you didn’t fail at anything, Buck. You’ve done more to help us heal this week than I’ve managed to accomplish in months on my own. And even if you had failed? That wouldn’t make you unwanted. We want you here because of who you are, not because of what you do for us.”

That… couldn’t be true. He hadn’t done much of anything and certainly not more than Eddie. Chris hadn’t left his room all day. If that wasn’t a sign that Buck had failed, he didn’t know what was. As for the rest… “I’m worried Chris won’t remember me when I’m back at the North Pole,” he finally admitted.

“And he’s worried you’ll leave and never come back. Weren’t you the one who said worrying about something means you care about it and it’s important to you?”

Buck was a little stunned to have his own words used against him but like it or not, Eddie was right. He’d been looking at it all wrong. It made sense that Christopher would have a hard time accepting that Buck couldn’t stay. It wasn’t really fair to the little boy to expect him to be alright with the reality that on Christmas morning it would just be him and his dad again. No Shannon and no Buck to distract him from that loss. Maybe Buck could talk to Santa about an extension? A couple days longer, just to ensure stable levels of Christmas Spirit here in LA? It wasn’t like the rest of the elves couldn’t handle the workload without him and although Santa pretended to need Buck’s help to deliver the presents, it wasn’t exactly a secret that he’d be just fine on his own.

It wouldn’t be the same as having his mother back but maybe it was enough to salvage things? He’d talk to Santa tonight but decided against bringing it up to Eddie and certainly not to Chris. The last thing he wanted was to disappoint the little boy if Santa said no.

“He definitely doesn’t hate me?” Buck asked, needing to be sure.

Eddie sighed and gave Buck’s neck a quick squeeze. “He doesn’t hate you.”

“And- and you don’t hate me?” It was the same question but for some reason it didn’t feel like it at all.

“Not sure I could ever hate you, Buck,” Eddie said with a half smile. It made Buck’s toes curl in his socks to know that. It also made his stomach rumble loudly, though that may have been a coincidence.

“Maybe I am hungry. Grilled cheese with chocolate syrup?”

“Don’t push it, elfy.”

Eddie got up and Buck missed the weight of his hand. “Fine, but no crusts?”

“You got it.”

“And cut into triangles?”

“As if I’d serve them any other way.”

“Eddie?”

“Yeah, Buck?”

“I couldn’t ever hate you either.”

He felt his ears get hot with the admission but it made Eddie smile his full face smile, squinty eyes and everything, and that was always a good thing.

After finally getting Buck to eat something, Eddie decided he had given Christopher enough time to process his feelings on his own. He didn’t blame his son for blowing up in the least. Hell, with the way his own stomach dropped at the news of Buck’s imminent departure he was a little jealous that there wasn’t another gingerbread house handy to demolish. It would’ve been cathartic, if nothing else.

His first instinct was to feel like a failure for not remembering that Buck had clearly said he would be there for a week. Why hadn’t he clarified the timeline? Eddie was an anal retentive scheduler. He had email drafts saved with instructions for when Christopher went to a friend’s for a few hours after school. He mapped out school vacation weeks meticulously. And yet he allowed himself to be so caught up in the whirlwind of Hurricane Buck that he never stopped to think about when it would all stop. And if he hadn’t, of course Chris hadn’t either. Of course he was unprepared for the news that Buck wouldn’t be there when he woke up on Christmas morning. It was Eddie’s job to prepare him for hard things whenever he could.

But Eddie wasn’t perfect and he’d been learning little by little that making mistakes, even ones that hurt people, didn’t condemn him to damnation. He was allowed to show himself the same grace he showed his son or his team or his… Buck. And it was immediately apparent that Buck felt the same crushing weight of guilt that was so familiar to Eddie. The elf had such a big heart and he’d welcomed Christopher right into the center of it. Of course he felt terrible for hurting him. 

And after everything Eddie learned about Buck’s parents - not that they deserved the title so much as a jail sentence - and about being abandoned on Christmas Eve, he was determined to set things right. What Christopher said yesterday was the lashing out of a hurt little boy, Eddie knew that. But those words cut deeper than they realized in light of the early trauma Buck had buried so deep he didn’t consciously realize he carried it. 

So when Buck was finished with a couple grilled cheese sandwiches, no chocolate sauce - honestly - Eddie took him by the hand and they walked together to Chris’ room where he knocked before stepping inside. It ached, to feel so close to a life he could now admit that he truly, deeply wanted. To feel like he and Buck were on the cusp of something that would never develop. But he wasn’t so afraid of the pain of saying goodbye that he’d run away from this while he had it. That wasn’t true before, Eddie knew. It was another thing Buck had taught him.

They were barely two steps into the room when Chris, who had been sitting on the edge of his bed solemnly like he’d been waiting for them, burst into tears. “I’m sorry,” he cried, reaching not for Eddie, but for Buck. In an instant the elf was kneeling on the floor in front of his son, pulling him off the bed and into his arms. “I’m sorry for saying mean things, Bucky. I-I just want you to stay.”

God, he admired that kid. Eddie’s heart had been crying the same thing since yesterday but it was Chris who gave it a voice. Vulnerability was a form of bravery that Eddie was still learning. 

Buck pulled back, making sure Chris had his feet under him and tenderly wiped the tears off his round cheeks. Behind him, Eddie subtly did the same. “I’m sorry for telling you like that, Chris. I- I knew how much I would miss you and your dad but, well, I didn’t think about how much you might miss me.”

“Buck,” Chris and Eddie said with the same gentle admonition. “You’re my best friend, of course I’ll miss you,” his son added like it was the most obvious fact in the world. Based on the devastated disbelief on Buck’s face, Eddie would guess he was unaware of his best friend status.

“Hey, Mijo,” Eddie interrupted before Buck could burst into fresh tears over that revelation, “Maybe you and Buck can make some art together that he can bring back to Santa’s Village tonight.”

Chris still looked understandably unhappy about the prospect of Buck leaving but he went to his desk to retrieve his art supplies regardless. Buck looked eager to do anything that involved Chris and didn’t involve fighting, so he scrambled at the opportunity to draw together.

Eddie waited until they were sufficiently distracted, then he slipped out the front door to make a few phone calls before tonight. He wasn’t much for praying anymore, but he made an exception if it helped him pull off a Christmas miracle of his own.

Despite what some of the less jolly elves said about him, Buck wasn’t an idiot. He knew Eddie was up to something. He just couldn’t figure out what. All afternoon the man became increasingly twitchy, checking the time and looking at his phone when he thought no one was looking. The joke was on him, because Buck was always looking. Eddie adamantly refused to let him see the screen, even though Buck promised not to talk to anybody on it without Eddie’s express permission, but he was unmoved by everything Buck tried.

He also kept using Chris to distract Buck, which was entirely unfair. If Chris wanted to draw or play video games or sing Christmas carols, Eddie practically shoved Buck toward him and left them to their own devices. Which would be fine, on a normal day. He loved playing with Chris and he wanted to make as many memories as he possibly could before he left. But that right there was also the problem. Because Buck was leaving. The hours were dwindling away. And it felt like he’d barely seen Eddie at all. He was greedy for memories with Christopher (who wouldn’t be) but he also wanted every minute that he could get with Eddie as well. He wanted more crinkle-eyed smiles and fake grouchy grumbles. He wanted the feeling of their fingers all tangled up together like poorly stored Christmas lights and hugs that seemed to wrap around his whole body. 

He wanted to rip that candy cane Eddie was sucking on out of his mouth and taste the sugar coating it left behind on his lips.

God, the things he wanted. Mostly, though, he wanted more time. He and Chris both started dragging their feet when it came time to leave for Bobby and Athena’s party. The idea of snuggling up on the couch, a Diaz tucked on either side of him, was far more appealing than even the cookies and snacks and laughter and fun of a party. 

But Eddie was like a man possessed and wouldn’t hear anything about it, even when Chris and Buck asked together with their biggest, beggy-est eyes. He simply laughed and told them that they had no idea what they’d be missing if they stayed at home and to get their shoes on. Buck had changed into more of Eddie’s clothes, this time a dark green sweater and nice pants that hit a little above his ankles. He didn’t like them as much as a hoodie and joggers but Eddie kept running his hand down Buck’s arm whenever he walked by and assured him that he really did look nice. If nothing else, Buck was pleased with the attention and since they had different sized feet, he still had the comforting jingle of his elf shoes to round out the look.

Once they arrived at the party, it became clear that Eddie wasn’t the only one up to something. Chimney practically ran in the opposite direction every time Buck saw him. That had him worried until Hen reassured him that no, they weren’t fighting and yes, Chimney would love it if they turned it into a game of tag. 

Turned out, Chimney was really fast when he wanted to be. Buck gave up after half an hour of trying to dodge and weave around tables and people only to nearly crash right into Athena. She told him that running games were for outside, which Buck made sure to pass on to Hen so she didn’t also get into trouble for suggesting it. 

And if it wasn’t bad enough for Eddie and Chimney to be acting weird, pretty soon Bobby started as well. Every time Buck looked around, Bobby was watching him the way an elf in trouble would look at the jack-in-the-box, anticipation and a little dash of dread blended into one. Like Buck was supposed to be performing some sort of trick but no one knew what he was going to do or when (Buck included).

The safest thing to do, he found, was to stuff his face full of snacks and desserts so he didn’t have to talk to anybody and he looked very busy. On his fifth trip to the platter of cookies and pies, Eddie intercepted him and tugged him away with a hand tucked into his elbow. He resisted for about a second but his tummy really was very full and his earlier statement about getting every last minute with Eddie that he could still stood. 

Eddie guided him through the crowd, a crowd that he couldn’t help but notice had grown very, very quiet and interested in where they were going, until they reached the sliding glass doors that led to Bobby and Athena’s back yard. It wasn’t cold outside, not compared to Santa’s Village, but all his new friends were extra wimpy about what they considered winter temperatures, and so the entire party was in the house. As far as Buck knew, there wasn’t any reason to go into the darkness of the back yard. 

“Buck,” Eddie said softly after he closed the doors behind them. The sound of music and talking was muffled out here but the light from the party shone across the grass in long, bright stretches. It was probably what it felt like to be inside a snow globe, he thought. “I have a surprise for you.”

Buck gasped, even though he suspected as much. “I love surprises!”

Eddie chuckled. “I know you do and- and I really hope you like this one.” He paused and took Buck’s hands in his, rubbing at his knuckles with nervous thumbs. “You’ve given Chris and I so much this week, more than I ever could have expected. And if you really have to leave tonight I couldn’t let you go without giving you something in return. Something- uh, someone I don’t think you even knew to look for. But, as it turned out, she knew to look for you and, well, she hasn’t ever stopped.”

Buck wasn’t sure exactly what Eddie meant but his heart was racing so fast he had to believe that it understood, even if the rest of him was still catching up. He opened his mouth to ask Eddie who was looking for him but before he could get the words to line up in order on his tongue, the sound of a gate opening broke the silence. Eddie squeezed his hands and, looking at Buck in a way no one had ever looked at him before, he nodded his chin over Buck’s shoulder.

“Evan?” 

It was as familiar as the first notes of a Christmas carol he’d heard a thousand times before but as new as freshly fallen snow. He turned toward the sound of a name he’d only just remembered and there, standing in a patch of warm light, was a woman. Her face was unfamiliar and yet so, so comforting that Buck wanted nothing more than to stand cheek to cheek and match his breaths to hers. She looked sad, achingly so, with tears shining on her cheeks and mouth twisted shut like his name was the only word she felt safe to utter.

And there was something about the way her eyes shone with love and hope, even though the anguish, that told Buck exactly who this was.

“Maddie?”

Eddie slipped back into the house as Buck raced to close the gap between him and his sister. His sister who, according to Chimney, nearly passed out when she heard that the quirky elf staying at the Diaz residence was in fact the brother she lost over twenty years ago. Once they knew for certain that their Maddie Buckley was also Buck’s Maddie Buckley, it was just a matter of working out a time and place to bring them together.

And now that they were together, hugging and sobbing in an embrace on the back lawn, Eddie allowed himself to wish with everything inside of him that Buck would stay. That Maddie was enough to tie him here, so that he and Christopher didn’t have to navigate a world without their elf nearby.

“You did good, Eddie,” Bobby said, doing nothing to hide how emotional the reunion was making him. And, look, Eddie had been doing a decent job keeping his own tears at bay but that got him. Based on the stuttered breathing and not so subtle blowing of noses, he wasn’t the only one crying on Christmas Eve.

“Daddy?” Christopher asked, leaning into his stomach. “Did something bad happen?”

Another small, broken thing inside Eddie healed when he scooped Chris up into a hug and said, “No, Chris. Something good happened.”

“Is Buck staying?” 

God, Eddie sure did hope so. But it wasn’t his decision to make. “We’ll have to wait and see. But even if he can’t stay, I know that we’ll see him again.”

Slowly the gathered crowd began to mingle and eat again, talking and laughter once more filling the room. When Buck and Maddie rejoined the party a little while later the elf crossed the room in long, purposeful strides to wrap Eddie up in a hug that lifted his feet off the ground.

“Eddie,” he said breathlessly into his ear. “Eddie, Eddie,” he repeated in a way that felt like thank you and I’m so lucky to know you and something else that he wasn’t ready to name quite yet.

Once he had his feet firmly back on the floor (what kind of workouts did they do in the North Pole?) and Eddie could get a good look at him, it was clear that the unnamed thing wasn’t just his imagination. Buck looked at him like Eddie was the one full of magic. Like he made Maddie appear out of thin air, when all he really had to do was pay attention and make a few phone calls. And Eddie was certain that if he leaned in to kiss him, Buck would meet him halfway.

But he couldn’t do that. Not without knowing if tonight was the last time they’d see each other.

“Bucky!” Chris shouted, making his way back across the room. “Miss Maddie is your sister!”

“I know!” Buck shouted back, turning to crouch down so Chris could lean into his chest. “Your dad gave me the best present in the history of forever!”

He kept one hand wrapped around the back of Eddie’s calf, for balance or to keep Eddie from slipping away, he couldn’t say. Buck didn’t have to worry, though. Eddie wasn’t leaving his side until Santa Claus himself pulled them apart.

“Does this mean you’re going to live here now?”

Buck looked conflicted and for a moment, guilt spiked through Eddie that he’d made things so complicated for the other man. But then Buck spotted Maddie through the crowd and a grin overtook his face, one that didn’t waver when he looked Christopher in the eye and the guilt was gone as quickly as it arrived. If the North Pole wanted their elf back, they’d have to go through a whole mess of first responders to do it.

“I can’t make any promises, okay?” Buck said. “If you wake up tomorrow and I’m not there, it doesn’t- it doesn’t mean I don’t love you so, so much or that I’m never coming back at all. It just might, uh, it might take a little time, you know? Santa and the elves, they took care of me my whole life and I don’t want them to think I don’t appreciate all they’ve done by leaving them in the lurch.”

Chris sighed and nodded, which was a huge improvement over the gingerbread demolition from yesterday. He spent the rest of the night attached to Buck, literally falling asleep on his shoulder at the table while waiting for Bobby to bring out another round of hot cocoas. Eddie knew he couldn’t drag his feet long after that. He still had to get home and put Chris to bed, then pull out the presents and set them under the tree. It seemed silly to go through all that, knowing that they’d both be looking for something when they woke up tomorrow that didn’t fit in a box or a bag. Still, Eddie couldn’t put off leaving forever and since Maddie volunteered to stay and drive Buck to the park to meet Santa, eventually he had to rip off the bandaid and go home without him.

Buck probably sensed his hesitation because he shifted Chris a bit and turned to catch Eddie’s eye. “Want me to carry him out to the car?”

There wasn’t an easy way to tell Buck yes, but I’d also like you to get in the car and come with us or let us come with you or we can pick a spot in the middle, as long as we’re together. Instead, he nodded and got up to find their jackets.

He’d only been there a week, but Buck got Chris out the door and buckled into the back seat like a pro. Eddie heard him whisper a Merry Christmas before dropping a kiss into the messy curls on top of his son’s head along with something else he couldn’t quite make out. Then he was there, leaning into the side of the truck just out of reach, lingering like someone might do after a date they didn’t want to end. 

Eddie didn’t want it to end, either. He wanted to twist his hands into the soft green sweater that looked breathtaking on Buck and press him back into the cold metal of the truck and kiss him all the way through to Christmas Day. 

“I can’t make any promises,” Buck whispered, repeating what he’d told Christopher earlier. Eddie knew he wasn’t talking about living here, not exactly. He was talking about the way any space between them seemed to shrink without either of them noticing. And the way that, when they did notice, neither of them did anything to put that distance back.

He couldn’t make any promises, but if there was one thing Eddie still had faith in it was Buck. So he stepped close and let his lips glance over Buck’s slightly rosy cheek.

“Merry Christmas, Buck,” he said. Until we meet again, he thought privately.

Then he got into the truck before he lost the last of his self control and he drove away.

Buck wasn't afraid of Santa, no he was not. It was just… this was the immortal being who found and saved him. He was kind of a big deal and Buck had never, not once in his entire life, told him that he was going to do something that Santa hadn’t assigned to him in the first place. And if Santa told him no but he did it anyway, he could land himself on the Naughty List for the rest of his life. 

Okay, fine. He was terrified. His jingle bells rattled with how much he was shaking. The Naughty List was no joke. But Maddie and Chris and Eddie- they were worth it. So in stops and starts, with probably a few too many tangents and stories and descriptions of the different ways Eddie smiled or huffed and puffed like the big bad wolf, Buck explained why he wanted to stay right there in Los Angeles. Permanently.

The longer he went on, the harder it was to ignore that Santa wasn’t smiling. “So-so I think you’ll agree, Santa, that, uh, that there’s still important work to be done here with- with my research. And- and a long term study would be the first of its kind so the benefits outweigh the, um, the costs,” he concluded, shaking his hands in a halfhearted ta da motion.

Santa’s gaze narrowed. “Bucky, do you really think that of all the families in all the world, I sent you to the Diaz’s - who happened to know your sister - accidentally?”

“Oh, uh,” the answer, until that very moment, was yes . “N-No?”

“Of course not,” Santa huffed with a laugh. “You know you’ll always have a place at the North Pole if you want to come back. But ever since I found you as a little boy you’ve had one wish in your heart. One wish that you never, ever let yourself wish out loud.”

To belong. To belong and be loved.  

Santa was right- he’d never made that wish aloud. He should have known that never giving it a voice wasn’t the same as Santa never hearing it.

“And- and- and you think I’ll be able to- to find my place here?”

With a world weary sigh Santa climbed back into his sleigh. “You don’t find it, son. You make it. And I think these are the people you should make it with. So get out of here, Bucky, you have work to do!” 

“You know what would be great?” Chimney grumbled as the ladder truck backed into the 118’s bay. “If one year - just one year - all the good people of LA would remember to actually water their Christmas trees so they don’t burst into flame at the drop of a hat.”

“That’s why I have a fake tree,” Hen said, shaking her head in annoyance.

Buck watered our tree every day, Eddie almost added before he bit his lips to keep the words in. 

Buck was gone. And it wasn’t like Shannon. It wasn’t a note on the nightstand without any warning. But it still hurt to wake up to a house with only two people under the roof once again. It just didn’t feel like Christmas without Buck. Still, Eddie was determined not to bring the elf up in every conversation like a moping teenager whose first big crush moved away between one school year and the next. He’d treasure his memories of Buck in his mind and not subject the rest of the team to his wallowing. And hopefully someday, Buck would show up in his ridiculous outfit and his never ending stories and his bag full of sprinkles.

He was caught up in his gloomy thoughts, so when friends and family and loved ones started jumping out of nooks and crannies, yelling Merry Christmas at the top of their lungs, Eddie just about tumbled down the stairs in shock. Suddenly the firehouse was full of noise and laughter, music and the smell of delicious food. Suddenly his little boy was in his arms, laughing and bragging about his ability to surprise his dad like that. Suddenly Eddie was looking around and listening for the jingle of elf boots, trying not to get his hopes up when he’d so resolutely squashed them down ever since this morning. 

Christopher’s joy at being together on Christmas was enough. It was everything. The momentary hope that Buck was part of this Christmas miracle was nothing more than wishful thinking.

“It was his idea, you know,” Athena said while she offered him a plate piled high with food. She knew better than most that emergencies didn’t care about special meals and celebrations.

“Whose?” Eddie asked, knowing before the word even left his mouth that she wouldn’t believe his attempt at playing dumb.

“Bucky’s?” Chris guessed.

Athena nodded. “As soon as he found out you’d be on shift today, he asked me to help put all this together. Seems like a whole lot of effort for a couple of research subjects if you ask me,” she said with a not-insignificant look at Eddie.

“Maybe,” Eddie conceded. It was a stupid thing for him to say. Even if far off friends were all they’d ever be, it was clear from day one that Buck cared about him and Chris. “Doesn’t make much difference if he isn’t around to be a part of it, though.”

“You know, I think Buck came to the exact same conclusion,” Maddie said from behind him, as if she’d been waiting for the perfect opportunity to jump into the conversation.

“What’s that supposed to-”

And that’s when he heard it. The faint tingling of tiny bells down in the engine bay. Eddie turned to Maddie as if he needed someone else to verify that he wasn’t imagining things. With a grin, Maddie nodded.

“Dad?” Chris asked, looking between the adults with enough insight to know he’d missed something, even if he wasn’t sure what.

Eddie pressed a kiss to his son’s forehead. “I think Santa arranged one extra gift for you this year, bud.” He set him down on the floor and made sure he had his crutches under him before letting go to point toward the stairs.

Like it had been arranged by the big guy himself, Buck’s pointed hat began to appear the moment Chris looked over. With a gasp that grew into a shriek of pure, sugar-fueled delight, Christopher started toward the stairs as fast as he could.

Buck was faster, sprinting the rest of the way until he’d scooped Chris up in a spinning hug that immediately parted the crowd, who wisely dodged the flying limbs and crutches. The two of them were a blur, probably more from the tears in Eddie’s eyes than the speed of their circles, not that anyone needed to know that. He wanted to be right there with them, his two favorite people, but his body seemed intent on remaining frozen right where it was. As the crowd closed back around them, person after person wanting to thank Buck and welcome him in equal measure, Eddie stood in place, yearning.

“You know,” Maddie said with a studied nonchalance from next to him. “I may have only found out I’m still a big sister, like, yesterday, and I owe you so much for putting the pieces together, but all the usual rules still apply. So, you hurt him, I hurt you. Capeesh?”

God, she was terrifying. Not just because of what she said but what she just implied - was he really that obvious? Could everyone tell? Could Buck? “Capeesh,” he agreed faintly.

He wasn’t a total coward if he snuck off to the bathroom, right? Talking to Buck wouldn’t be so hard after he splashed some cold water on his face. If nothing else, at least then he wouldn’t have to worry about Maddie taking him out at the knees if he said or did something stupid.

As luck would have it, Buck ran into him right before he could duck down the hall behind the kitchen. Hard. 

“Ed- oh, son of a nutcracker- sorry Eddie! Forgot how slippery my boots are on this floor, shoot.” Buck seemed embarrassed, more so than their minor collision warranted. “Can I, uh, one sec.”

And he backed up several steps as if someone had hit the rewind button on reality. He even paused before taking a big breath and walking back up to Eddie at a more reasonable pace.

“Hello Eddie, Merry Christmas,” he greeted with a measured voice slightly deeper than his usual speaking voice and much, much lower than his excited hyperactive elf voice. 

“Hello Buck, Merry Christmas to you as well,” Eddie said, going along with whatever game Buck was playing at.

“Lovely party,” Buck remarked.

“Truly,” Eddie replied, struggling to keep his face neutral.

A light jingling gave away Buck’s fidgeting. “The decorations are, uh, particularly festive.” He glanced around exaggeratedly before looking up with a visible start that certainly wasn’t going to win any academy awards. “Oh, would you look at that! Mistletoe!” He looked at Eddie for a second and then trained his eyes on the floor. “I suppose- well, I guess we have to…”

And he screwed up his eyes and stuck out his lips like he could somehow go-go-gadget them across the foot of space between his mouth and Eddie’s. Which, honestly, was a move filled with so much Buck-like innocence that Eddie couldn’t help but be charmed. 

That did not mean that he was going to play along with this scripted Hallmark movie first kiss, however. Absolutely not.

Eddie took a few large, deliberate steps backward down the hall, away from the noise and eyes and staged mistletoe of the party. It wasn’t until his third and final step that Buck cracked open one bright, blue eye to find that he was puckering his lips for an invisible audience. Eddie didn’t want to wait for his confusion to spiral into the hurt of rejection, so he called Buck’s name with a quiet warmth that he hoped was more inviting than the formal small talk of before.

Sheepishly, Buck shuffled down the hall, his ears a blazing pink but a smile tucked into the corner of his mouth that looked far more natural than whatever that was earlier. 

“Hi, Buck,” Eddie said as he reached out to wrap his hand over Buck’s thumb, his fingers tucking snugly into his wide palm.

The smile grew, crinkling the corners of Buck’s eyes. “Hi, Eddie.”

“You planned this entire surprise so that Chris and I could see each other on Christmas Day, even though you didn’t think you’d still be here to enjoy it, didn’t you?”

Buck shrugged, like it wasn’t one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for Eddie. “I just wanted you both to be happy.” 

Of course he did and of course he didn’t realize the most important ingredient to that recipe was one extra tall, extra excitable elf. “The party, the presents- sure, that makes us happy, Buck, but not as happy as you make us.”

“Really?” And before, where Buck would look skeptical at the mention of his own worth, now he simply looked hopeful. It was progress.

“Really.” He ran the pads of his fingers over the line of Buck’s jaw, down the column of his throat - feeling his Adam’s apple jump as he swallowed - and pressed his palm over Buck’s rabbiting heart. “I don’t need mistletoe to want to kiss you, Buck. You’re enough, all on your own.”

A deer in the headlights was perhaps too accurate a description, but Buck looked so shocked by Eddie’s easy admission that he didn’t even have time to pucker his lips absurdly before their mouths connected in a soft, momentary  press. He’d guess Buck didn’t get a lot of action in the North Pole based on the - well, everything - about him, so Eddie didn’t intend to rush into the physicalities all that fast.

But as he moved back, Buck let out the smallest oh on an exhale, an entire universe of awe and wonder in a single syllable, and Eddie was a little undone by it. It didn’t help that Buck, without ever opening his eyes, chased Eddie’s lips and touch with the slightest frown pulling between his brows. Call him greedy but Eddie kissed him again. And then a third and a fourth time that somehow blended into a series of sugar-sweet kisses to Buck’s full lower lip, cheek, and jaw. They were some of the most innocent kisses of Eddie’s life but each one drew out a new sound from Buck, until breaths tumbled out his open mouth like he’d just come inside from the cold and felt heat enveloping his body for the first time in a long time. Buck’s hands clutched at his uniform and god help them if Santa wrote this wish down but if that was what Buck was like from a few sweet pecks, Eddie couldn’t help but wonder how he’d respond to deep, desperate kisses. To lips and teeth and tongue on miles of pale skin and-

Sorry Santa, he might need to switch to the Naughty List in advance. There was no way Eddie would be playing nice this year.

“Eddie?” Buck asked, tucking his face down to mouth clumsily but very, very effectively at his neck. Hopefully whatever Buck wanted to ask wouldn’t involve a lot of brain power.

“Hmm?” He managed, focusing very hard on keeping his hands from wandering too far south over Buck’s body-hugging elfwear that was truly a gift to anyone with eyes.

“Does this, uh, does this mean I can stay?”

“Does it-” Eddie gently lifted Buck’s face to cup his flushed cheeks in his hands. “First of all, if you want to stay then you stay, regardless of what me or anyone else says. You deserve to be happy too, Buck. But- I mean- yeah, if you’re asking if I want you to stay then yes, there’s nothing I want more. Chris too- we both want you here.”

“Forever?”

“And a day,” Eddie promised, a pleased hum buzzing their lips when Buck ducked down for another brief kiss. “Speaking of Chris, we should probably let him know his Buck is going to be sticking around.”

“And you really think he’ll-”

“Did you hear the screech he let out when he saw you? Yes Buck, I really think he’ll be thrilled. C’mon,” he said, rearranging their hands to fit more comfortably as they walked down the hall.

And because the 118 are a nosy, enabling sort, the entire room burst into cheers and applause the moment they walked back into the loft. Now it was Eddie’s turn to blush furiously- it wasn’t like they were sullying the sanctity of the firehouse, thank you very much. It was a few kisses. Perfect kisses, sure. Kisses that Eddie can’t wait to enjoy again, absolutely. But the wolf whistle was completely unwarranted Chimney Han.

Eddie’s team were so supportive, cheering their friend on for some truly excellent kissing. And it was. Truly. Excellent. Buck had only ever kissed the occasional frozen pole on a dare, so he supposed he didn’t have much to compare it to. In the movies it was always this big moment with music and lots of thrashing around but he and Eddie didn’t need all that as it turned out. Their kisses were quiet, soft things like snowflakes landing on skin, there and gone and back a moment later. Each one sent a thrill through Buck’s entire body. It reminded him of how it felt to come inside after an all day snowball fight and take sip after sip of hot chocolate, where you could feel the sweet liquid heat travel through your body, erasing the chill.

He’d never drink hot cocoa again if it meant he could have Eddie’s kisses to warm him up instead. Or- maybe just for special occasions. Hot cocoa was a major food group, after all. Couldn’t just go cold turkey.

His eyes immediately found Maddie’s in the crowd. Her full face smile crinkled her eyes just like Eddie’s and he loved that two of his favorite people showed joy in that way. 

“This calls for a singalong!” Chimney shouted over the noise in the firehouse. 

What a perfect suggestion! Chimney may have a strange name but he also had fantastic ideas. Heck, Buck had considered bursting into song the instant Eddie kissed him. He only held back because he thought Eddie might find it unsettling and the last thing Buck wanted was to give him a reason to stop the kissing.

“Buck says the best way to spread Christmas Cheer is singing loud for all to hear,” Christopher announced proudly to the entire room.

And it was true, Buck had learned that all the way back in Elf Elementary School. But if this week had taught him anything, it was that the cheer and spirit of Christmas, while merry and bright, were temporary and fleeting. Life had more to offer than sparkle lights and sprinkles. There were deeper, more fulfilling experiences than work or presents or even singalongs. Maybe instead of decorating and celebrating for a few days or even a month to generate Christmas Cheer, they should all focus more on how they spend their time and energy the eleven months before that.

Maybe there was more research to be done here after all. Starting now.

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to love each other throughout the year,” he proposed to the people around him.

1 year later

“You know what this place needs?” Chimney asked over his shoulder as he and Maddie led the way down the path from one exhibit to the next.

Eddie had been to the zoo more times than he could count in the past year with Buck and Christopher but this was the first time they’d been to see the massive holiday light displays that made the entire place glow red and green and white for the month of December. The entire place looked perfect, as far as he could tell.

“What does it need?” Chris replied curiously as he looked around, clearly thinking along the same lines as his dad.

“Karaoke,” Chim said. Buck immediately groaned, knowing exactly what was coming next. “Because, as we all know, the best way to spread Christmas cheer-”

“- is singing loud for all to hear,” the entire 118, their spouses, and several kids shouted in unison.

“You guys are the actual worst,” his man-elf-boyfriend declared loudly with a visible huff.

They never missed an opportunity to lovingly roast Buck about some of his more elf-centric quirks and phrases now that he was a little more worldly. In the past year he’d integrated seamlessly into normal human society… for the most part. He’d discovered cooking with more than just sugar based products thanks to Bobby and had all of them on a vegetarian kick more often than not. He learned how to drive and use a phone without shouting random introductory questions at whoever happened to be on the other end. He’d even ditched the spandex elfwear for more practical clothing options (Eddie would never admit how much he missed those tights at times).

Now it was almost impossible to tell that Buck spent twenty five odd years in Santa’s Village, surrounded by tiny elves and creatures that most people only saw in the movies. To an outsider Buck was bubbly and excitable and just a tiny bit quirky, which wasn’t an unusual combination at all for Los Angeles. So the 118 had taken it upon themselves to ensure Buck stayed humble to his roots by bringing up his more embarrassing moments whenever the opportunity presented itself, something Christopher had also taken to doing with a level of natural skill that made Eddie proud.

It had been, without a doubt, the strangest and most wonderful year of Eddie’s life. Buck and Christopher’s too, so at least they had that in common. It wasn’t a year devoid of struggle or sadness or pain, not by a long shot, but it had been a year full of laughter and joy and love as well. Buck had gone from a stranger standing in his kitchen to a welcome and familiar partner on the other side of the bed. He and Chris shared a special bond that had only grown deeper and more meaningful the longer they knew each other. 

And on top of all that, he was the love of Eddie’s life. How could he not go all out on the first anniversary of the forever (and a day) that he’d promised Buck?

“It’s snowing!” Christopher exclaimed, the first to notice the soft white flakes floating down around them. The first after Eddie, at least, but he’d been expecting them.

Buck must have seen the complete lack of surprise on his face. “Eddie, what did you do?”

“I… may have asked the big guy in the red suit for a bit of a favor.” It turned out that making it snow at the zoo really wasn’t much harder than making it snow in his living room. Scale was just a product of one’s imagination, if Santa was to be believed. 

Buck’s eyes got wide and then very, very narrow. “I knew it- I knew he liked you better than me! I asked him what you wished for this year and he said you hadn’t made one!”

Eddie shrugged. After a pretty rough first meeting (yeah, alright, he had an irrational fear of Santa Claus. Or, more accurately, an entirely rational fear of random old dudes pretending to be Santa Claus) he and Santa had regular chats to discuss anything from baseball to the renewable energy project Karen was overseeing remotely at the North Pole Research Institute. It wasn’t his fault he and Santa shared the same dry sense of humor and if that gave him an advantage for stuff like this, so be it. Besides, he knew Buck. There was no way he would resist the temptation to cheat and ask Santa what Eddie wished for, even though they’d explicitly agreed not to do that. 

It would have ruined the surprise if he’d found out that there, written in Santa’s ledger, were the words I wish that Buck would say ‘yes’.

And Eddie wasn’t worried, not really. Hell, when he’d asked Santa what Buck wanted for Christmas (he wasn’t above cheating either), the jolly old man looked at him long and hard over the rim of his glasses before finally replying, “You know exactly what he wished for. Now get your butt to the jewelry store and make an honest elf out of him.”

So this box weighing down his pocket wasn’t heavy with the fear of the unknown. That wasn’t what had Eddie so nervous. It was just- Buck brought magic back into his life last year. Into his son’s life. And he deserved something magical in return. Eddie just hoped this was enough to get the point across.

“I didn’t have to make a wish,” he replied, turning to step close and tug the hood (of yet another sweatshirt Buck stole from his closet even though he had an impressive collection of his own) up over his hair to keep his ears warm. He wrapped an arm around Buck’s waist under his jacket for good measure. “I already have everything I could ever wish for.”

“Eddie,” Buck cooed like the absolute sap that he was. Then again, so was Eddie. He couldn’t help it- no matter how many sweet, sometimes tacky things he managed to come up with, Buck always reacted like it was the most amazing thing he'd ever heard someone say about him. Then he’d usually kiss Eddie with thorough enthusiasm, so. You know. Positive reinforcement or whatever. “You still have to tell me what you want, otherwise I’ll have to get creative and we all know how that turned out last time.”

Yeah, he remembered the candy underwear Buck got him for his birthday because Eddie wouldn’t give him a list and he thought it was something they’d both enjoy. Which wasn’t untrue, he just didn’t think to warn Eddie before he opened it in front of Chris, Abuela, and Tia Pepa. Never again.

“Fine. What I want,” Eddie said, pausing to kiss the dew drop that a snowflake left behind on the corner of Buck’s mouth, “Is to come back here again next year to see the lights with my son and my husband.”

“Of course we’ll-” Buck began and then stopped. Blinked. Opened and closed his mouth. Blinked again. 

Eddie decided to wait him out and enjoy the satisfaction of rendering Buck mute from shock. In a second he’d pull the little box out of his pocket, get down on one knee, and ask properly. Give Buck a big, magical moment. But this right here was its own small, quiet type of magic. And that was the kind that Eddie liked best. Like arranging for everyone to be together last Christmas. Like bringing Maddie her long lost little brother. That was the sort of everyday magic that nudged them all down a different path. A path that led them to this moment.

“Eddie,” Buck breathed out in a little puff of frozen air. “Really?”

“Really,” Eddie assured him, pressing in to kiss him properly this time. Only Buck’s lips pulled back in a grin right at that very second, his eyes closing with crinkled joy that made him impossibly, endearingly beautiful. He settled for brushing the tips of their noses together, something Christopher called a North Pole kiss after he found out all the married elves in Santa’s village greeted each other that way. There would be plenty of time for more kisses later. They had forever and a day, after all.

Then Eddie took a breath, took a knee, and took Buck’s ring out of his pocket.

And they lived happily - and sadly, and sometimes angrily or messily, but mostly, above all else, authentically and lovingly - ever after. 

The End.

You can find Bucksketch Here on Ao3