Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bau babes 🚨😘

Penelope Garcia added : Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau, Spencer Reid, Emily Prentiss, David Rossi and Aaron Hotchner

Penelope Garcia changed their name to : Penny

5:34pm 

Penny: hello my lovelies 😊

Derek Morgan : Baby girl why’d you make a group chat ?

Penny: because you guys are always away and it takes soo long messaging you all individually to make sure you aren’t dead
Penny: so I thought I could just make a group chat 😁

Emily Prentiss : I love you Penny 

Emily Prentiss changed their name to : Em (ILY) 

Em (ILY) : that's better 

Jennifer Jareau changed their name to : JJ 

JJ: oh this is fun

Penny: of course it is 😁

Spencer Reid : do I have to be here ?

Penny: Duhh
Penny: you are the one that almost dies the most 

Em (ILY): Ain't that the truth 

JJ: HAHA 

spencer Reid : I say one thing and you all start bullying me 
Spencer Reid : Hotch tell them to stop

Derek Morgan: Awwww baby spencer asking his dad for help :((

JJ: how cute 

Derek Morgan changed name to : Morgan 

Morgan changed Spencer Reid's name to : Pretty boy 

Pretty boy: thanks Derek 🙄

Morgan : you are very welcome Pretty boy 

David Rossi : you guys are like children 

Em (ILY): finally decided to show your face Rossi 

David Rossi : I've been here the whole time 
David Rossi : watching Reid be bullied is fun 

Pretty Boy : REALLY ?

JJ: HAHAHAHAHA 

Pretty boy: I hate you all :( 

David Rossi: oh I'm so sad
David Rossi: my heart just broke 

Pretty boy: Wow 

JJ: hehehehehehe 

Pretty boy: you guys are horrible people, I'm going back to my studying 

Penny: what you studying for ? 

Em (ILY) : how to not get bullied by your team members

Pretty boy :no Emily, I’m studying for my next PhD 

JJ: What it is ?

Pretty boy: physics 

Morgan: sweet
Morgan: isn’t that like ? Number 3 

Pretty boy: four actually 

Morgan: alright smarty pants 

Pretty boy: well considering i have an IQ of 187 I technically am a smarty pants 

Em (ILY) : and you wonder why we bully you 🙄 

Morgan : Word 

JJ : HA 

David Rossi: oop 

Aaron Hotchner : you guys do realise we are on a case right 

JJ: right 

Em (ILY) : oopsies 

Pretty boy: get wrecked losers 

Aaron Hotchner : the only reason you aren’t here too is because you caught a cold from a 5 year old who was only in the room with you for 10 minutes 

Morgan: 💀

Em ( ILY) : get wrecked loser 

Aaron Hotchner : stop bullying Reid or I will make you all do his paper work for a week each 

morgan : yes sir 

JJ: understood 

Em(ILY): yup

Penny: yes boss man 

David Rossi : 🙄

Aaron Hotchner : you are so immature David 

David Rossi : Sorry not sorry 

Aaron Hotchner : 🙄

7:19pm 

Penny changed Aaron Hotchners name to : Bossman 

Chapter Text

Bau babes🚨😘 

11:36pm

pretty boy: guys 
pretty boy: guyys
pretty boy: guuyssss

Penny: spencer Reid this better be important considering you woke me up 

Morgan: ooo you know mama is mad when she full names you

pretty boy: this is serios ! 
pretty boy: im stuck ☹️

Morgan: what do you mean your stuck ? 

Pretty boy: Im stuck on the ground :( 

Em(ILY): wtf is he okay ? 

Bossman: Emily language 

Em(ILY): oops 😶

Penny: HAHA 

Pretty boy: HAHA 
Pretty boy: Emmy got told off by dad 

Em(ILY): did he just call me Emmy??😐

Bossman: are you drunk Reid? 

Pretty boy: maybe 
pretty boy: definity 
pretty boy: definatly
pretty boy: definetaly  
pretty boy: ugh I give up :( 

Em(ILY): he's defo drunk 
Em(ILY): he can't even spell lol 

Morgan: you got drunk without us spencer? 

Em(ILY): I know right
Em(ILY): how rude 

pretty boy: I went fro a drink wit someone I met at the unversity seminar last month 
pretty boy: I think he left with a gril tho
pretty boy: girl 

Bossman: how much have you drank spencer ? 

Pretty boy: since he left ?
pretty boy: 4 shots maybe?

Bossman: and before that ?

Pretty boy: liiikeee 6 
pretty boy: maybe 7 

Bossman: Jesus Christ 🤦🏻‍♂️

pretty boy: don't use Christs name in vein Mr Hotchner :( 

Bossman: you don't even believe in Christ? 

Pretty boy: oh yea 

Penny: boy genius is gone lol 
penny: I don't think I've ever Reid like this before 

JJ: me either 
JJ: usually on gossip nights we only have about 2 glasses of wine 

Pretty boy: JJ !
pretty boy: hello Jennifer 👋🏻

JJ: hello spence? 

Pretty boy: I'm stuck :( 
pretty boy: can you jhelp me? everyone else is too bisy laughing me :(

Morgan: oops I forgot about that
Morgan: this is too entertaining

Em(ILY): real 

Pretty boy: see !
Pretty boy: help me JJ☹️

JJ: how are you stuck Spence ? 

pretty boy: Im stuck on the ground:(

JJ: how are you stuck on the ground ? 

Pretty boy: uuuhhh Gravity ? 

JJ: Jesus Christ

Pretty boy: HEY! 

JJ: sorry ? 

Penny: HAHA 🤣

Bossman: Penelope 

Penny: sorry 

Bossman: we need more details than gravity spencer
bossman: is something trapping you on the floor? did you hurt yourself?

Pretty boy: I fell and lost my shoe
pretty boy: and I dont thin my legs work abymore 

Bossman: where are you ?

Pretty boy: on the floor like I have been this whole time
Pretty boy: silly Hotch 
pretty boy: guys dad is being silly 

Em(ILY): omg this is incredible 
Em(ILY): this is totally being used for future blackmail 

Morgan: 100% 

Bossman: you guys are not helping at all😒
Bossman: what bar did you go to spence? 

Pretty boy: the new one across from that reaaally good Chinese restrant 
pretty boy: restaurant 

Morgan: ooo I heard about that 
Morgan: is it any good ?

Pretty boy: sooooo good 😁

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David Rossi: can a guy not have one night of peace ?🤦🏻‍♂️

Pretty boy: Dave ! 
pretty boy: Im stuck :( 

David Rossi: is he drunk ? 

Penny: yup 👍🏼

Morgan: this is the most entertaining conversation ever Rossi 

JJ: its not entertaining Morgan
JJ:...........
JJ: ok maybe it is a little 

Em(ILY): HAHAHAHA 🤣

David Rossi: I should have stayed in retirement 

Pretty boy: nooooo
pretty boy: papa Dave!

David Rossi: excuse me . 

Morgan: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Em(ILY) : he did not just say that

David Rossi: ......

David Rossi: I feel rather honoured....

Morgan: I- 
Morgan: okay then 

Bossman: I'm on my way Spencer 

Pretty boy: okay dad 

Penny: papa Dave and Dad Hotch 
Penny: I like it 🙂

Em(ILY) : same 

Morgan: same lol 

JJ: same

David Rossi: I mean you all do have daddy issues sooo💁🏻‍♂️

Em(ILY): dude- 

Morgan: you did not just say that 💀

Penny: I mean he's not wrong

JJ: lol 

David Rossi: It's okay
David Rossi: me and Hotch will take you all in my children

Penny: YAY 

Pretty boy: Hotch are you here yet?

David Rossi : he's probably driving buddy

Penny: aww that's adorable 😊

JJ: I must admit
JJ: she's correct 

pretty boy: he's here! 
pretty boy: hi Hotch 👋🏻

Bossman: spence stop messaging and talk to me in person 

Pretty boy: oh yeah

Morgan: I guess the fun is over :( 

Penny: do I finally get to go back to bed ?

David Rossi : yes Penny go back to bed 

Penny: thanks papa Dave
Penny: wait 

Penny changed David Rossi's name to : Papa Dave 

Penny changed Bossman's name to: Dad Hotch 

Papa Dave: really ?
Papa Dave: fair enough 

Penny: you like it ?

Papa Dave : sure 
Papa Dave: Hotch might not 

Penny: oh well 
penny: I'll get spencer to pull out his puppy eyes😁
Penny: when he is sober of course 

Em(ILY): genius woman 

Penny: I know 💥

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dad Hotch : why is my name - 
Dad Hotch: you know what I don't care🤦🏻‍♂️

Penny: yesss

Dad Hotch: I didn't say I wouldn't care In the morning

Penny: oh :( 

Dad Hotch: anyways., spencer is at my house in the spare room where he will be sleeping off his- no doubt - terrible hangover

Papa Dave: that bad ?

Dad Hotch: took me about ten minutes just to get him off the ground and find his "runaway shoe", then another five to get him in the car 
Dad Hotch: and then another fifteen minutes to get him back out of the car and into my apartment because he decided he was going to become Jello and not help me carry any of his weight up the stairs at all. 
Dad Hotch: and don't get me started on trying to get him into bed 

Morgan: such dad vibes

JJ: adorable 

Em(ILY): he deserves it after his real dad left him 

Morgan: what a way to make the convo sad girl 

Em(ILY): oops sorry 💀

Em(ILY): its true tho 

Penny: yea 
Penny: poor Spence:( 

Morgan: it's okay 
Morgan: he had Hotch and dave to save the day now 🙂

Penny: we all do 

Dad Hotch: will you guys go to bed now, tomorrow - or well today at this point- is our only day of this week, so please get some rest 

Em(ILY): such a dad move 

Dad Hotch: well if you are all gonna act like children, I will treat you all like children 🤷🏻‍♂️

Morgan:....
Morgan: fair enough 

Em(ILY): lol 

Dad Hotch: sleep?

Morgan: alright alright 
Morgan: goodnight 

Em(ILY) : don't expect a response from me tomorrow cause I will be sleeping the day away

Morgan: same 

JJ: night guys 

Penny: goodnight my lovelies 🥰
Penny: night Papa Dave, night Dad 

Papa Dave : night Pen 😚

Dad Hotch: night everyone
Dad Hotch: and please do not get into any trouble tomorrow, I already have enough grey hairs as it is 

Papa Dave : I would agree but I'm already grey so

Dad Hotch : you are just as bad as them David 

Papa Hotch : sorry Aaron 

Dad Hotch: 🙄

Chapter Text

Bau babes🚨😘

pretty boy: dudes, I'm so gay

Em(ILY): real

Pretty boy: like.. Oliver Stark is so hot
Pretty boy: I just want to lick his biceps 

Penny: HA mood 
Penny: I totally agree tho. that man is a beautiful hunk

Morgan: wait. Reid 
Morgan: ur gay? 

Pretty boy: yea? 
Pretty boy: did you not know that?

Morgan: no
Morgan: you never told me

Pretty boy: whoops 
Pretty boy: well... surprise 🎉

Em(ILY): you didn't know 
Em(ILY): Reid's like.... gay persona 

Pretty boy: gay what??? 

Penny: fr, I knew you liked dudes from the get-go 

Morgan: you guys knew??

JJ: yes
JJ: I don't know how you didn't 

Pretty boy: you guys make it sound like it's obvious 😐

Dad Hotch: It is 
Dad Hotch: especially when you spent 15 minutes ogling a certain Santa Barbara detective last case 
Dad Hotch: I thought you were trying to take his clothes off with your mind 

Pretty boy: really Hotch 

Em(ILY): HAHAHA 

Pretty boy: Papa Dave, Dad's bullying me !!

Papa Dave: you brought it on yourself kiddo 

Pretty boy: WOW 

Penny: DEAD 💀

Pretty boy: I'm hurt 
Pretty boy: my own fathers 😢

Penny: awww poor baby Spencer 

Papa Dave: did we hurt the baby's feelings?

Pretty boy: I will throw a tantrum in the middle of the store again 

JJ: again?

Pretty boy: yes again

Dad Hotch: don't - 
Dad Hotch: I genuinely thought we were going to have to carry him out of that store 🤦🏻♂️

Papa Dave: Hotch bribed him with a Starbuck's coffee 

Em(ILY): now that is a such a dad move 

Penny: LMAO 😭

Pretty boy: and I'll do it again🫢

Dad Hotch: please do not

Pretty boy: be nice to me then 

Dad Hotch: fine 
Dad Hotch: everyone please for the love of god be nice to spencer
Dad Hotch: for my sanity 🙏🏼

Papa Dave: and mine 

Dad Hotch: you are part of the problem David 

Papa Dave: rude

Pretty boy:  HA good 😁

JJ: you good Morgan?
JJ: you haven't said anything in a while 

Morgan: yea I'm good 
Morgan: if I had known you willingly had sex with men I would have congratulated you Reid 
Morgan: considering I didn't get that choice with Buford lol  

Penny: Derek........ 

Dad Hotch: Morgan... do you need someone to talk to ?

Morgan: I'm fine? 
Morgan: it was just a joke 

Papa Dave: that is not something you joke about kiddo 

Dad Hotch: yea, are you sure you are okay? 

Morgan: I said I'm fine, It was genuinely supposed to be a joke 

Penny: it wasn't funny my sweet chocolate baby ☹️

Pretty boy: I'm so sorry Morgan
Pretty boy: I didn't realise 

Morgan: you have nothing to be sorry for Reid 
Morgan: I'm proud of you for being open about yourself 

Pretty boy: still 
Pretty boy: I feel bad now 

JJ: if you ever need someone to talk to we are all here 

Em(ILY): yea, even me 

JJ: Emily! 

Em(ILY): sorry 

Morgan: thanks guys but like I said I am totally fine

Dad Hotch: fine 
Dad Hotch: but if you ever make a joke about your trauma like that again I will be requesting you mandatory therapy 

Morgan: fine 🙄

Dad Hotch: good
Dad Hotch: that goes for the rest of you, no more joking about bad situations

Pretty boy: aww what 
Pretty boy: joking about my trauma is my whole personality💔

JJ: plus Mommy/ Daddy issues 

Penny: and being Neurodivergent 

Em(ILY): and being gay

Pretty boy: those too 

Dad Hotch: David

Papa Dave: yes 

Dad Hotch: why do all of our kids have problems 😐

Papa Dave: idk you chose them 

Dad Hotch: damn 

Morgan : awww Hotch admitted to being our dad 

Penny: Dad Hotch in the chat rn 🧍🏻♂️

Pretty boy: Dad Hotch🧍🏻♂️

Em(ILY): Dad Hotch🧍🏻♂️

Morgan: Dad Hotch 🧍🏻♂️

JJ: Dad Hotch🧍🏻♂️

Dad Hotch : I'm sending all of you to therapy 
Dad Hotch: you are included Dave 

Papa Dave: WHAT 
Papa Dave: I didn't say anything !

Penny: AHAHAHAHHAHAAHA 

Pretty boy: it's crazy you think I don't already have a therapist Dad 

Dad Hotch: you do?
Dad Hotch: good job spence

Pretty boy: just because I have one doesn't mean I go to sessions
Pretty boy: I normally set them for when I know we are on a case and then "reschedule" for another date😁

Dad Hotch: I give up

Em(ILY): AHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAAHA

Chapter Text

Bau babes 🚨😘

6:35pm 

Papa Dave: I need a drink

Morgan: same 
Morgan: that case was awful

JJ: every case is awful
JJ: but the ones with kids always feel worse 

Em(ILY): alcohol does sound pretty good right now

Pretty boy: are you in your office Dave ?

Papa Dave : no I'm just in the elevator now
Papa Dave : what's up ? 

Pretty boy: nothing, I'll just wait for you 

Papa Dave : okay ? 
Papa Dave : anyways 
Papa Dave: once everyone has finished their paperwork for the night, you're welcome to come to my place 

Em(ILY): yayyy 🥳
Em(ILY): sleepover at Papa's house? 

Papa Dave:' papa's mansion' 

Em(ILY): whatever 🙄
Em(ILY): so we can stay over? 🙏🏼

Papa Dave: of course kiddo

Morgan: I'm down
Morgan: as long as you have scotch 

Papa Dave: Yes I have scotch Derek 

Morgan: sweet 

JJ: me too 
JJ:  Will said he'd look after Henry for the night 

Penny: can I come? 

Papa Dave: of course you can kitten, you are always welcome 

Penny: yay 😊
Penny: packing my stuff now 

Dad Hotch: I'll meet you guys there in a little while 
Dad Hotch: Jack is with Jess tonight so I'm free 
Dad Hotch: If you haven't already you can finish your paperwork after our three days off 

Morgan: three days off 
Morgan: hell yeah!

Em(ILY): sweet

Penny: we haven't had three days off in aaageesss 😫

Dad Hotch: I know 
Dad Hotch: that's why I made it clear to Strauss that under no circumstance will any of us be coming in for 72 hours 

Em(ILY): thank you father 🫡

Dad Hotch: father? 

Em(ILY): Father. 🫡

Dad Hotch: okay then 

Penny: hehehe father 

JJ : you coming Spence? 

Morgan: he hasn't said anything in a while 

Penny: is he still in your office Dave ?

Papa Dave : I'm not there yet, this elevator has stopped at every floor 

Em(ILY): lol 

Papa Dave: Emily

Em(ILY): sorry 

.....................

3 minutes later 

Papa Dave: I found him 
Papa Dave: walked into my office and he's asleep on my couch 

Penny: awww 
Penny: Is he okay?

Papa Dave: I think this case drained him more than he let on 

Penny: poor baby :( 

Dad Hotch: Dave 

Papa Dave: yea Hotch 

Dad Hotch: do you think you can carry him?

Papa Dave : most likely. The kid's skinny enough 
Papa Dave : I always tell him he needs to eat more 

Dad Hotch: carry him into my office and lay him on  the couch 
Dad Hotch: I'll let him sleep in here till I'm done and then bring him to your house later 

Papa Dave: 'mansion' 

Dad Hotch: David 
Dad Hotch: shut up 

Papa Dave : it's true 

Dad Hotch: David Rossi

Papa Dave : sorry 

Em(ILY) : HAHAHAHA 😭

Penny: why are our parents fighting :( 

Em(ILY): you're traumatising us 

JJ: 🥲

Morgan:🥲🥲

Dad Hotch: why do I put up with you lot  🤦🏻‍♂️

Papa Dave : I'm bringing him in now Hotch

Dad Hotch: okay 

.........................................................................................

45 minutes later 

* private chat between Hotch and Rossi* 

Aaron: We are just about to leave 
Aaron : spencer just went to the bathroom

Dave : do you think we should talk to him later ?

Aaron: probably
Aaron: the kid doesn't take care of himself enough

Dave: it's okay
Dave: We can help him

Aaron: we can try 

Dave: yea we can

Aaron: he's just coming out 

Dave: alright well everyone else is here 
Dave: I left the door unlocked for you 

Aaron: thank you Dave 
Aaron: we'll be around 30 minutes 

Dave: see you soon Aaron 💙