Archive of Our Own

This was almost everything Sona ever dreamed of. Technically, the setting was perfect. The stands had erupted in cheer, confetti was falling from the ceiling, and staff were pulling out the nationals’ trophy.  

The only problem was that they weren’t the ones who won.  

All the Phantoms’ players had the biggest smiles on their faces as they celebrated. Sona could not be mad at them for playing dirty or pissed that the refs were swayed with their calls. The truth was that the Valkyries played like shit. And when the team plays like shit, they fight. Sona only thought they would have the sense to wait until they were in the locker room, but she found that she’s always thought too highly of this team.  

Rose said something about the guards taking bad shots. Wendy sniped back that there was no rebounding effort from the posts. And then that brought everyone in, blaming everyone but themselves. Sona just sat to the side, trying to block it all out until she heard Victoria say in her direction, “But really, why couldn’t you run the plays we talked about, huh?”  

Sona looked up to see them all turn to her. She didn’t have the energy to argue, but Victoria kept going. 

“I mean, you got some praise in the middle of the season and your ego got big, I get it, Bellsona,” she said. “You just want it all for yourself, and you cost us the ga — no, you cost us the season!” 

No one dared to add anything in. Sona took a glance at the head coach, Jonathan Lucindo, who actively avoided her gaze.  

She wanted to say something. She wanted to put them all in their place so badly.  

I tried suggesting other plays, other offences. None of you would listen.  

Injuring star players isn’t a strategy. It’s bad sportsmanship.  

I am the reason you even had a chance.  

But she knew there was no point in saying anything. Not anymore. Sona stood up and left the gym without a word.  

A cameraman got lucky filming them. She saw herself walking away from her team all over the press that night. 

“You know you’re going to get some heat for this.”  

It was never a question. Sona was well aware. “I know.” 

When she finally got home from the finals — after hours fuming in the airport, sitting far away from everyone — the announcement of the Gearbreakers’ new coach had just been released. She knew of Soo Yun Shiels from her team overseas and loved the way they played.  

When she read that Jenny Shindanai would be one of her assistant coaches, her mind got stuck on that last name.  

Sona didn’t think this a lot about someone else’s game, but she was in awe of the Gearbreakers’ star player. By then everyone in the league had heard of Eris Shindanai, Jenny’s sister. She was one of the best point guards in the country. She commanded the floor like no one else. It is exhausting, in body and spirit, to lead a team, Sona knows.  

If anything, the day only started with Sona sympathizing with Eris. It ended with Sona getting in contact with Coach Shiels.  

They flew her out to the Hollows soon enough. Sona already picked out a place to stay at. It was just a matter of signing and starting to practice with them during the offseason. 

The campus was small compared to what she was used to. But small never meant bad to Sona. It reminded her of home. She liked the change a lot better. 

“As long as you know, Steelcrest.” Her new coach lightly chuckled and slid some documents towards her. “Welcome to the Gearbreakers.” 

It felt only slightly comforting knowing that she wasn’t the only one joining late, for lack of better words. Shiels had some growing pains the first few practices just like Sona. But, Shiels also didn’t have to deal with Eris Shindanai the way Sona had to deal with her.  

It must be annoying for the head coach when their star player is being a bitch, but to Sona it is infuriating.  

What good is a player like her when she doesn’t get the ball?  

What good was this move when the main reason she came to this team was shutting her out? 

Sona didn’t have many expectations, but some respect should go without saying.  

The other players were mostly fine. She made some friends. At least she hoped they were friends. Nova and Juniper were especially nice, but Sona thought it was partly to make up for Eris’s cold shoulder.  

It was the practice before their first game when the whole situation got acknowledged. The conversation started out innocent enough. Juniper asked her, “How are you liking the Hollows, Sona?” in the locker room. 

“It’s good,” she answered honestly. She liked how everyone knew everyone here, how she was slowly getting pulled into the familiarness of it all. Silvertwin was similar that way. It's been years since Sona’s been in her hometown. Going back would either be the best or worst thing she could have done for herself then, and she wasn’t about to gamble with her options. “Cozy.” 

“That’s good.” 

Seeming like she was gearing up to say it for a while, Nova told her, “Listen, we swear Eris isn’t usually like this.” 

That made Sona pause. She put her bag down on the bench and fully turned to the pair. Juniper got caught making a frustrated face at Nova, and then plastered on a smile. She must have thought there was a better way to do this, and Sona agreed. But she’ll take what she can get. “Then what is her deal?” 

“Uh, well you see...” Nova cleared her throat. “That’s definitely a valid question.”  

“Which we don’t actually know the answer to,” Juniper added.  

At least they both looked sheepish enough for Sona to know they were being sincere about all this.   

Since they were doing this, Sona might as well say her piece. “Okay, forgive me for being blunt, I know she is your friend, but from my point of view, she just seems like the senior snob who is trying to get away with shit now that her sister is a coach.” 

A few months ago, Sona would see clips of Eris talking to reporters and opponents and think that she seemed like a nice, reasonable person. What was the big change this season? Keeping it in the family.  

She worked too hard in this sport, this league, this life, to have this be her legacy. The player that just couldn’t get anyone on her side for once.  

Sona has been on her own for a while now, and while she’s mostly used to it, she wouldn’t have minded getting some help for the first time in her life. You don’t win championships on your own. She needed the trust to go both ways.  

Nova snickered. “Sisters or no, Jenny will not take shit from anyone,” she said. “Especially Eris.”  

Juniper nodded. “Yeah, even though she is being kind of a bitch right now, it’s not a nepotism thing. They both pretty much came from nothing and made a name for themselves.” 

Well, that was only slightly assuring. Sona can relate to that on some level.  

Still. What the fuck was going on with Eris? 

By that point, Sona had resumed putting her hair up for practice and was ready to get onto the court when Juniper said, “We’ll talk to her. No guarantee if she takes us seriously, but we’ll try.” Then, she put her hands on Sona’s shoulders. “You don’t deserve to be shut out. Not with your talent.” 

Sona looked from Juniper to over her shoulder at Nova. Both had no trace of sarcasm or anything but genuine encouragement coming from them.   

“I appreciate that,” Sona said quietly with a nod. “Thank you.” 

But no matter what the two promised her, that practice Eris was the same as ever. Not saying a word to her and avoiding her gaze like the plague. Fresh off the conversation, Sona finally called out Eris in the middle of a scrimmage. At first it was side comments said a little too loudly. Then, when Eris looked her dead in the eye as she had good positioning under the net, and chose not to pass it, Sona yelled out, “I know you fucking see me!” 

Shiels ended the practice not too long after that.  

She just couldn’t understand it. Everything about Eris Shindanai confused her. She’s seen her joking around with their teammates across the gym and then not say a word to her the whole summer. She was praised as being one of the best playmakers in this league and yet Sona could count how many passes she’s gotten from her on one hand and still have fingers left over.  

At a certain point, confusion turns to frustration. Sona had no idea what she did to be treated this way. No one seemed to know. That much was true when just as she was about to leave the building, she got called over to talk to Jenny Shindanai.  

During this whole experience, Sona hadn’t gotten much opportunity to get to know her assistant coach. Jenny gave amazing advice and saw the game extremely well, but she was also Eris’s sister. Up until about three hours ago, Sona thought that both Shindanai sisters must have sticks up their asses. This revelation made her look at Jenny through an objective eye. Her mother did teach her better than that.  

After some discussion about the game tomorrow, Jenny wasted no time in getting straight to the point. She got off to a great start and then trailed off. “Give it some time. Eris is uh...” 

“Not usually like this?” Sona supplied. At Jenny’s mildly amused pause, Sona shrugged. “Nova and Juniper talked to me.” 

“It’s just an adjustment for her, is all,” Jenny said. “She’s not used to it.”  

Sona bit back the urge to scoff. “Respectively, I do not want to hear excuses.” 

Whatever circumstances Eris wants, Eris gets, right? Sona had tried to be rational about the whole situation, but she was rapidly approaching her limit.  

“Oh, you don’t have to be respectful about this,” Jenny said. It sounded legitimate, like Jenny was just as annoyed as Sona was. “She’s being an idiot. Anyone can see it. She’s an adult with an allegedly functioning brain, and she’s being really immature right now. I’m not trying to make excuses for her.” 

“But I still have to wait for her to catch up.” 

At that, Jenny took a moment to say the next part. “You notice how I’m talking to you about this alone? Where do you think Shiels is right now?” 

Why would the Assistant Coach be talking to her about this and not the Head Coach? This is the problem that is holding back their team.  

Shiels must be with Eris. 

“Shiels is full stop, you fucked up. If it was the other way around, and I was there with her, it would just be another one of our little fights that we’ve had for the past month.” Jenny chuckled at that. “Believe me, we’ve had lots of them. Now, take that how you want, but the way I see it, Shiels wanted to put her in her place her way, while I’m here with you, trying to get you to have faith.” 

Sona disliked how it was working on her. She said, “What exactly do I need to keep faith in?”  

Jenny shrugged, knowing she’d won. “This team,” she put it plainly. “You came here for a reason, did you not? Are you going to quit already?” 

“No. Not until that final buzzer goes.”  

The corners of Jenny’s mouth twitched.  

“If you don’t trust her, trust me. If you don’t trust me, trust yourself. There was a reason you came here of all places. Any team in the country would have been on their knees begging for you to sign there, had they known you were looking to leave the Valkyries. Trust your decision.” 

Sona thought about that all the way home that night. Trust. The concept wasn’t foreign, but it wasn’t exactly easy for her either. It wasn’t that the people in her life betrayed her and now she will never put faith in anyone but herself. It is more that there hasn’t been that many people in her life at all.  

Her parents were always kind and fair people. They were perhaps too kind. Too naïve, even if it left a sour taste in her mouth when she thought of them like that.  

People say not to speak ill of the dead, but Sona had nothing but respect for her parents. That didn’t mean that they weren’t flawed.  

Everyone was flawed. Sona saw a prime example of that with her point guard. She pulled strings and was so hell bent on trying to get on this team for her, and what good did that do?  

Eris never earned her trust. It would take more than a talk with her older sister to mend something that was never even tangible in the first place. 

Maybe Sona just expected there to be something there from the start. A spark of familiarity rather than one of hostility.  

“Okay, seriously, what the fuck is your problem?” 

So much of Sona’s pent-up energy from their game could not be contained anymore. When she saw Eris cowering away from her in the locker room, she knew this was all going to be resolved one way or another. 

The talk Shiels had with Eris must have worked. The game was better than any of their practices so far, with Eris passing some. Though, Sona knew this wasn’t how the point guard played at her best, and it kept pissing her off.  

“I don’t understand what I did to you that makes you keep me at a distance,” Sona reasoned. “This has gone on long enough. I deserve some kind of explanation.” 

The pair of them were mediocre today, and Sona knows that they will continue just being average if they keep getting in each other’s way.  

Eris at least had the decency to look sheepish before saying, “I know I’ve been a bitch.” 

Sona scoffed. They were off to a great start. At least she was self-aware! “Really?”  

“Come on.”  

Yes, they were finally talking about this. Yes, Sona might have been a bit immature when she muttered, “You’re the one that started it.” 

Eris shook her head. “Oh my God, you little — ” 

“Bold words coming from down there.” She was allowed, after weeks of being shunned.  

It was truly a shame that they’ve been fighting all this time when this chemistry could have been used for good. It was evident even from just some teasing.   

“You’re making it really hard to apologize to you, you know that?” Eris said. Sona saw her swallow. “I’m sorry. I held a stupid grudge. It was childish.” 

“A grudge about what?” What had Sona even done to her? 

“Quarterfinals.”    

There it was. Last season’s nationals. The round that they played each other, where Sona got so caught up in the Valkyrie mindset and played dirty. Impeccable timing on her evil side to show, she supposed. Why not against the team she would be joining weeks later?  

“I suppose I should apologize for that as well. It was a dirty game.” While the cause had validity to it, Sona couldn’t help but ask, “That’s really all it was?” 

Tell me something real. Tell me we can be better than this. Show me who you really are so I can show you in return.   

“Fine. I was intimidated. Is that what you wanted to hear, Sona?” Eris helplessly let her arms flop to her sides. “You’re really good. I didn’t want my position to be taken away from me.” 

She imagined her face must look funny with the way confusion scrunched her features. “Eris, I assure you Shiels isn’t making me play point guard. Your position is secured.”  

“Not that. My role . Even as a rookie I lead them all. None of those players are here anymore obviously, but I’ve always tried to take authority on the court when I can. And with the new coach, I knew I wasn’t getting a flyby. I had competition.” 

Eris had slumped down on the nearest bench, her head hung. Sona didn’t think she realized she took a deep breath when Sona sat beside her.  

“Eris, I’m here to help you, don’t you realize that?” she said, softly, to get the point across. They were getting somewhere, airing it all out, in hopes of coming out on top. Hell, Eris just told her that she saw Sona as competition, but Sona knew it was all about change. They were about to change. “I’m not here to try to be captain. I’m here to take some of your load so that you can breathe.” 

Their eyes met. Sona forced herself to do the one thing she was telling Eris.  

As a kid, her father was the only one that could help with her panic attacks. He would help her regain control over her breathing, her mind. When he died, Sona had to figure out control on her own. It was challenging, but she did it.  

Sona knows how it feels. The spiral, the pressure. And she knows it gets a sliver easier with someone by your side.  

Thinking about it now, this didn’t feel like change. This only felt like them finally stepping into sync, the way they were supposed to be. A default, even if they didn’t know it originally. 

“You and I just need to breathe.” 

She searched for that same feeling in Eris. Some recognition. Anything.  

“I never thought of it that way.” 

For the first time since meeting her, Sona relaxed. She asked, “Do you want to know why I transferred?” because she meant what she said before. She’ll give up something of hers in exchange for Eris’s.  

“You’re gonna tell me anyway.” 

She told her all about the team’s toxicity. How they blamed each other instead of uplifting their teammates. How Lucindo would do nothing but watch.  

“Okay, I get why you would want to leave,” she said. “But why here?” 

“You.” That was the basis of it all, wasn’t it? It’s Eris. How she played, how Sona played and how Sona knew they could be great together. The inexplicable pull she felt to this team. To her.  

But Eris didn’t know that. Didn't realize it yet, by the look in her eye.   

“You remember how coaches would always say, ‘a good player looks good, a great player makes their teammates look good’? I always doubted that until I played against you. I wanted you to make me look good. I want to make you look good in return. I know I can, if you could pass me the damn ball.” 

A grin slowly grew on Eris’s face, one that Sona has only seen from afar, never directed to her until now. “Oh, I’ll make you look good, Steelcrest,” she said. “I’ll make you look fucking stunning.”   

Sona couldn’t help but mirror her. “You mean I’m not stunning already?” she teased. 

“Fuck off.” Is she imagining Eris’s face flush? 

They’ll be alright.  

They held all the power now. Sona was under control. It almost felt impossible that Sona ever felt out of it, when they walked out of the gym together.  

It was one of the first free weekends Sona remembered having this season. So far, they've been working extremely hard and it was paying off. The Gearbreakers established themselves as one of the top teams in the country. And that night, Sona spent a practice-free night with Eris. In a bar. 

For their health, Shiels was very against the players drinking heavily. For the most part, everyone stuck to this rule. But —

“What Shiels doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” Eris said as she brought shots to their booth. “We’re not making this a habit anyway.”

Sona gave her a look, though she was already sliding a glass closer to her. “What will Jenny say when you come home drunk?” Eris froze as she considered this. It made Sona laugh. “Tell her you’re sleeping over.”

“Smart.” She nodded and dialled her sister. “Thanks.”

As Eris was on the phone, Sona couldn’t help but think back on how far they’ve come in so little time. After their talk in the locker room, everything became easier. Practices, games, life . 

Because basketball is everything she had, as sad as it is. It had been for the longest time. All she had since her parents died was her teammates — whether for better or for worse — and the buzz that ran through her veins when she set foot on the court. 

They got to drinking. They made a game of it, but sometimes one would just take a shot for the hell of it. They laughed and leaned over the table to reach for the other, and nothing really existed outside of their booth.

Sometime through the night, after just a few drinks too much, the laughter faded but their bubble didn’t. Sona swore it was just the two of them in this bar.

Sure, they’ve gotten to know each other a bit better, but during these early hours in the morning was when Sona thought that Eris had taken the spot of being her best friend. 

Eris told her plenty about her sister. How infuriating she was, how grateful she was for her, and how totally emotionally unavailable she was. And in turn, Sona started to open up as well. 

Her parents were dead too, she told her. She didn’t have an older sister or anyone to take care of her, though she kept that one to herself. 

“They worked lots to make ends meet,” she nodded to herself and didn’t quite meet Eris’s eyes. “Had an accident at one of the jobs. I was sixteen so I was still supposed to be put in foster care, but I got out quickly by getting a scholarship to a prep school out of the city.”

Eris said in a soft voice, “That must’ve been horrible, thinking all that through as everything was happening to you.”

“It was.” Sona won’t lie to her. She didn’t want to. Ever. “Basketball helped.”

The sport kept her moving, thinking, and had her striving towards something bigger. She got a partial scholarship to the Valkyries until she eventually worked her way up to a full ride. She was all hard work and grit. Nothing could catch up to her as long as she just kept moving. 

Eris gave her a knowing smile. “I know what you mean.”

There’s more after that. Some tears on both their ends. As a result, they walked out of the bar to wait for a taxi back to Sona’s apartment leaning on each other. Sona put an arm over Eris’s shoulder, in return she felt her lower back be encaged the same way. 

Eris fell asleep in the backseat, her head drooping. It’s a shame Sona had to wake her up when they arrived. Her cheek had just dropped to her collarbone.  

Her phone rang as soon as she got home after watching film with the team. The name displayed was one she was honestly expecting. 

The first thing he said as soon as she answered was, “ You saw the bracket? ” 

“Hello to you too,” Sona sighed, placing down her things and putting the phone on speaker so she can prepare dinner at the same time. “Yes, I saw.” 

He was referring to the annual tournament that the Valkyries hosted, she knew. The bracket had just come out that morning. For some stupid reason, the Gearbreakers were playing the Valkyries first round. 

“ And ?”

She didn’t falter as she put leftovers in the microwave. “Lucindo, Why are you calling me? 

Sona’s term with the Valkyries didn’t end that well, to put it simply. She’d sent an email to her head coach, Jonathan Lucindo, right after she knew Shiels was serious about recruiting her. She didn’t even wait for it to be official. He didn’t send anything back, but a few of her former teammates had some words for her a couple days later, so she knew that he told everyone else about her leaving. 

“ What, I can’t talk to a former player? ” he said into the phone.

Sona took her food out. “Cut the bullshit.”  

He moved on. “ Lucky, that you didn’t sign for a full four years with me, aren’t you? ” 

“Yes, lucky me,” she said, drily.  

Lucindo’s voice shifted. “ You were my star. They couldn’t get enough of you. I had coaches calling me from overseas about you —”

“And they will keep calling. Just not your number.”

Sona didn’t owe him anything. She wasn’t a top prospect coming in as a rookie, but the only reason she got the recognition she did now was purely because of her work ethic. Practically by herself, she put his program on the map. 

So no, the calls didn’t stop. There have already been several talks in Shiels’s office about what the future may hold. 

“What is this really about?” she asked him. She’d love to watch a movie while eating instead of listening to him.

Lucindo said, “ You left a team you could have easily led to the championship again for the Gearbreakers. To live in Shindanai’s shadow. ”  

Sona scoffed. “I don’t know how to break it to you, but not scoring the most points once in a while does not mean I am in anybody’s shadow.”  

“ Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night .” 

The realization made her almost giddy. She put down her fork in order to really savour this instead. “You still need me, don’t you?” 

His laugh came through the speaker, but she could tell it was strained. “ Oh, Bellsona. I didn’t need you then and I don’t need you now. ”

“I recall you said I was your star. ”

“ Everyone is replaceable, ” he said. “ Someone leaves, someone else steps up. That’s all it is. ”

Sona was not sure what he intended to accomplish with these comments, but so far his effort was laughable. It’s like he thought she’s still that quiet rookie coming into his gym for the first time, still naive even if her past self didn’t think that. 

“I sure hope Victoria does not get an ego from you. Though I think that may be inevitable.”

“ Hmm. Well, I hope you’re ready for your little duo run to be over this weekend. ”

And then he hung up.  

All she wanted was to prove herself. In a fair world she would have, where Victoria didn’t injure Eris and she could show the world what they built together. 

In a fair world, she wouldn’t have to prove herself in the first place. She would have grown up with her parents by her side. They would be in the stands cheering her on. But two seats have been occupied by ghosts for years now. 

The press would be all over the Gearbreakers’ loss that night. Sona would ignore it like she ignored it all last season. She was used to it. 

As things wrapped up, she got stopped by Lucindo. 

There was underlining smugness in his face. Sona wanted to sink her nails into his face and strip it off clean. 

“You played well,” he said. 

“That means nothing to me.” She tried to keep walking but was not surprised to be stopped again. 

“Are you regretting it yet?”

“The longer you talk, the more I am reassured that I made exactly the right choice,” Sona said, her voice low. “What are you still doing, following me around? Calling me? You need some kind of closure, is that it?”

The smugness got replaced by anger. “Show some respect —”

“I’ll show you respect when you deserve it.”

“I don’t think you understand what just happened here, Sona,” he said, enunciating every word like he was talking to a toddler. “You thought you would be better off without me? This is who you are without anybody. You always need someone to take the blame for your mistakes. If it’s not me, it’s Shi —”

“And what were you doing when they all blamed me for losing in the finals?” She couldn’t help it. This was infuriating. “Did I need you then?”

“The one time I didn’t say anything, you couldn’t handle it,” he hissed. “You ran off to the other side of the country to avoid facing the consequences.”

Maybe he did need closure. Maybe Sona needed it. 

The Valkyries were horrible. That team made her into someone she wasn’t, someone she didn’t want to be. Leaving was for the best, but was Lucindo right? 

Sona liked to think she took accountability for her actions but did the ones excused by Lucindo count? Could you take responsibility for something that gave you no reprocusions? Was their loss last season really on her? Did she become self centred at the end? The shock of adapting to the Valkyries’ cruel gameplans isolated her even more. 

Lucindo said with conviction, “When you left me, you came to Shindanai. It wasn’t because of Soo Yun Shields, I can tell that much. Oh, what is that surprise on your face? You think I don’t know you, Sona? I know you better than anyone.”

Sona wished it wasn’t true, and yet she remembered clinging to Jonathan Lucindo as a lifeline because he was . 

Back then she had no one, so even the slightest bit of attention from anyone was everything. Lucindo saw her potential, he took her in, and though she made her game her own, he was her first step, that was something she could not deny. And if she could go back in time, absolutely nothing would change because he was her only way into post-secondary level basketball. She wouldn't be here without him. 

He could tell he was getting to her. “You left me,” he said again, calmly, “you got Shindanai, and today I showed you that you can’t keep up on your own without her. You are just a lost dog who doesn’t remember her way home. Do you seriously believe — How’s the ankle, Shindanai?”

The switch up gave her whiplash. Almost literally, with how fast she turned around to see Eris limping over to them. 

“What the hell are you doing standing on that?” she said with a voice a pitch too high, hoping neither of them noticed. 

Eris looked over Sona’s shoulder for a second before saying, “Jen was looking for you.”

Sona couldn’t turn around to face Lucindo again. He said, “We’ll talk later, Sona,” and she didn’t remember if she said anything back. 

That conversation ran through her mind on the flight home. It filled the silence of her apartment when she got back from the airport. She lay awake thinking about it until the sun rose. A constant back and forth with herself. 

The truth was that when Eris fell so did everything else. They lost without her. They lost because Sona was next in line and she couldn’t take up the mantle. It was put so simply by Lucindo. 

So now Sona didn’t want to prove herself anymore. 

She needed to.

The rhythmic bouncing of the basketball was heard from the gym hallway. The facility was pretty much empty, save for her and Eris.

Sona emerged from the doorway and leaned against the wall, looking at Eris. The girl didn’t notice her. She kept tossing herself the ball outside the three point line, taking a few hard dribbles inside, and shooting. When she walked back to the top, Sona could see a slight limp in her step. 

After a few reps, one of her shots went awry and Eris let it roll behind her as she caught her breath. Sona took the opportunity to grab the ball and toss it against Eris’s back, knowing she thought she was completely alone in the gym. 

The scream Eris let out would have made her feel bad if it wasn’t so damn funny. 

“What the fuck? What are you still doing here?” she asked once she calmed herself. 

Sona took a bit more time to stop laughing. “I should be the one asking you that, don’t you think?” She made her way to sit at their bench. 

Everyone had already left after practice. Sona noticed that she didn’t see Eris leave, so she went to check up on her. 

“Well, I gotta make up for missing so much practice somehow,” said Eris. 

“That’s because Zamaya told you to take it easy, if I remember correctly,” she countered. 

Eris shrugged and went to sit down on their bench. Sona followed her. 

They sat there, Sona dribbling the ball under her legs and Eris catching her breath. It took a few minutes until Eris spoke. 

“I hate this.”

“Hate what?”

“The fact that I can’t play. It’s my last year and I…” She shook her head. “I’m out because of a dirty play. How is that fair?”

Sona clenched her jaw. “It is not. I’m sorry.” She tried to meet Eris’s eye, but all she did was stare ahead. 

If Shiels wouldn’t have killed her for getting a technical foul in such a close game, Sona would have made Victoria pay for that bullshit. 

“You’re already so much better,” Sona told her. “It will not be long.”

“We might go down in ranking.”

“You don’t think we can hold us off for now? Have some faith in me.” 

Please. Please believe in me. Tell me I am someone without Lucindo and Shiels and you because that means more to me than if I were to believe it myself. 

Believe I am my own person. A real person for you and not just someone you pass to when the clock is winding down.

Eris finally smiled in her direction. It was an answer in itself. “I got nothing but faith,” she said. “I’d just rather do it alongside you.” 

For the second time in her basketball career, Sona had made it to the finals. 

The first time, she was all determination. She spent every waking moment focused solely on the upcoming game to the point where it was unhealthy. Sona thought nothing could stop her then. She underestimated her own teammates’ stupidity.

The second and last time, she felt a strange wave of serenity. Her confidence was turned up to the maximum with this team. Especially with how they kept their number two rank even while Eris was injured. But now that she was back like she never left, Sona was calm. There was nothing to worry about. 

The two of them wrapped up with Shiels and Jenny the night before the game and made their way up to their hotel rooms. 

She could have said that her next words came out of nowhere, that Eris’s sentimentality was rubbing off on her. But she couldn’t. 

“I hope you know how incredible you are, Eris,” she told her there in the hallway, just feet away from the room she shared with Juniper. “Truly. You should be proud of all the years you spent here. It was all worth it. You got us here.”  

The truth was that this feeling had been the constant driving force behind her beating heart for months. It was persistent, demanding, and all-consuming to the point where she couldn’t keep it in any longer.

Eris’s eyes softened. She took a slow step towards her. It was so natural that Sona wondered if Eris even realized she was moving. “I couldn’t have done it without you,” she whispered. “You were the missing piece. Someone I needed to... keep me breathing.”

She almost wanted to laugh at that. She wanted to show the Sona from the start of the season Eris right in front of her, repeating her words and being vulnerable. She wanted to show her it would all work out, that Eris would lean in at the same time Sona did and capture her breath instead. No kiss could compare. 

Without breaking their stride, Sona surged forward until Eris’s back hit the wall, the breath leaving her lungs making a low sound that made her head spin. She felt hands clutching at her sweater, her own fingers running through Eris’s short hair. 

“Holy shit.”

June.

They sprung apart, clearing their throats. 

“Hi, June,” Sona said breathlessly. “Are you all done in the shower?” She used all her will power to control her voice. Nothing happened. Nothing at all. The three of them were just hanging out in the hallway for fun. 

When no one else spoke, Sona chanced one more look at Eris. At her wide eyes, which were actively avoiding her, and her almost… scared look. She fled back into the room, Juniper on her heels. 

Why did she look like that? 

“No, nuh uh. Get back here —”

Sona thought she could close the bathroom door in time but she ended up swinging it right into Juniper’s face.

She swore under her breath and both of their eyes went wide as they met, Sona looking down at Juniper on the floor. Of course, go ahead and give her another concussion before one of the most important games of our lives. That is a very smart thing to do, Sona. You’re on a roll tonight.

The pause broke as Juniper scrambled up onto her feet to take advantage of Sona’s shock. But Sona was faster this time. The lock clicked and the door withheld under Juniper’s fists.

“Sona!”

“Leave it, June!” she yelled and went to shower.

After zoning out at the tiles under the water multiple times, Sona somehow found it in herself to face the music. She opened the door to see Juniper in bed, calm now, which made her feel embarrassed for some reason. 

“You told Nova?” she guessed. Those two told each other everything. The fact that Eris and Nova were roommates for the trip did not help. 

“Well, you weren’t going to tell me anything. I was going to see if Nova knew something from Eris.”

Sona nodded. She’d expected as much. 

They were silent as Sona got under the covers but Juniper’s eyes were staring into the side of her head. 

She sheepishly asked, “And does she?”

Juniper looked like she wanted to smile, but refrained. “She said that Eris came in all star struck and then did exactly what you did.”

Sona winced. “Almost give you another concussion the night before the national finals?”

“Luckily, no. She went to shower for like a good thirty minutes.”

“Was I really in there for that long?”

“You were longer actually. I was being generous.”

It was silent once more. Sona didn’t really know what to make of this information. 

“Did she, uh…” What exactly did she want to know? If Eris regretted it? Wouldn’t it just kill her if she did?

Then, Juniper actually smiled. Surprisingly, it wasn’t smug. 

“They’re talking right now, that’s why Nova went MIA,” she said. “I can tell you what she said after.”

Sona paused to think about it and shook her head. “No. I don’t want to know. That’s something I should hear directly from her.” She sighed. “Right now I just need to not think about it.”

Juniper didn’t push her. She turned on the TV and Sona pretended to pay attention to some rerun of an old sitcom. 

Until Juniper said, “To be honest, I was only surprised because you guys were eating each other alive in a very public hallway. Not that it was you and her.”

Sona pursed her lips. “Really?” she said, almost shyly. 

“Anyone could see it,” she said simply. “After Eris got her head on straight, anyway. But the tension was really going somewhere, I guess.”

That made her laugh. God, she couldn’t believe how stupid they both were at the start, childishly avoiding talking out their problems. 

When it seemed that Juniper was done, Sona admitted quietly, “I… I really like her.” I love her, she should have said truthfully, but that should be heard by Eris first and foremost. Though she was sure Juniper could pick up on it. Her smile gave her courage. It made her feel safe. 

It also made her reflect as she tried to fall asleep that night. Why did she stay so long with the Valkyries? Why did she hate herself that much? Being used to loneliness didn’t mean that she had to accept it for the rest of her life. She could have left after her first year and been done with it. Sona could have had this . People who care about her, people that want to see her happy. 

She could have met Eris years ago. Maybe they would have another championship under their belt already. In an alternate universe, they were already existing as one and it would still feel as alluring as it did that very moment. 

Because now she knew what Eris’s hair felt like between her fingers and heard that sound she made as her back hit the wall just a few hours ago. She wanted to know how she would smile after they win tomorrow or how she would pretend to not be absolutely pissed if they lost. There is an endless pit of sensations to explore and all she wanted to do is take a running start and dive in. 

The next morning when Sona almost bumped into Jenny, the nerves were really starting to get to her. She’s played in the finals before and it never felt like this. 

It was her last game of university basketball, something that has been a part of her life for as long as she remembered, but all Sona could think about was Eris .

They sat beside each other and everything only went quiet when Eris made her look up. Why did she focus so much thinking about Eris when she was right there in front of her? Her imagination didn’t do her justice. 

“That wasn’t nothing to me,” Eris said. 

Sona smiled, a relief. “Me neither.”

The only kiss in the running against the one last night was the next. She could never say which was better, just that they were different. The night before was catching up on everything that should have been. Then, they could afford to be slow, present. 

For months, they took their time opening up. They took their time getting to this point. They had more time to figure it out. 

They had all the time in the world. 

The gym was freezing after everyone had left. Her back was on the floor and hands going numb from being used as a pillow for her head against the hard ground. But, her mouth felt like it would forever be stuck in a smile.

Sona scored the buzzer beater to win it all in overtime. She was awarded MVP. Most valuable player in the finals. The Gearbreakers couldn’t have done this without her, it said. She was needed here. She was wanted, not just for her athletic abilities.

After some time, she saw Eris come join her on the floor in her peripheral vision. Neither moved for the other but she heard Eris hum when she said her name. 

“Eris, we won,” she said, like she wasn’t there, like she hadn’t gotten a medal alongside Sona and a Player of the Year award to go along with it. Like Sona hadn’t pulled her aside in celebration to kiss her senseless. 

“Yeah, we did,” she said back.

The mix of their victory, of proving herself, and of having this woman barely a foot away from her made her say, “I love you.” She was only surprised she kept it in for so long without bursting.

“I love you, too,” Eris said. Sona could hear the smile in her voice. Finally, nothing about it sounded fake in her head, nothing made up, no tricks. Just the truth.

“You know, this is great,” Eris said, her back against Sona. The book she was reading was propped up on Eris’s head and she made sure to not move to keep it steady.  

Sona absentmindedly hummed.

“Yeah. No practice. No games. No lifts.”

“You wanted to go work out tomorrow.”

“I mean today. We’re free today.”

Sona smiled, closing her book and watching what Eris put on the TV. “Yes, today has been great.” 

She glanced at their messy floor after they didn’t bother to clean up any of their wrapping paper. Her heart warmed at the sight, the domesticity of it all, something that’s been such a constant in the previous years that the fact that she was ever deprived of it in the past seemed like a joke. 

They lazed around all day, a break from anything basketball related. The professional team they both signed to graciously gave them Christmas day off and Sona found that her fingers didn’t tingle for the feel of a ball in her hands, which didn’t happen that often. She was perfectly content to stay on this couch with Eris in her arms.

Until she got thirsty. When walking into the kitchen, she stopped to think and then turned back to call to Eris. “I have one more present for you.”

She heard Eris padding through the living room. “You do?”

“Come to the kitchen.”

Sona stood with her hands behind her back against the counter. Eris had an excited look on her face that froze when Sona stepped away and pointed.

“Uh…”

Sona smirked. Their dirty dishes overflowed the sink. “I did the cooking. You do the dishes.”

Eris sighed, a smile still present. “I hate you.”

She gave her a kiss on the cheek as she passed and started pouring them both drinks, thinking of another, real, present for another day in her drawer that would fit perfectly on Eris’s finger. “You love me.”

And she felt it. Without doubt.