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The adrenaline had finally worn off. He was back and she couldn’t believe it. She had actually figured out how to pull him from that astral plane in between the living and the dead.
For two years she had read every text she could get her hands on, searched every temple - intact or in ruins. Anything for a clue on where he could be.
After searching endlessly, she finally solved the puzzle. After two years of searching she finally had him back.
She had predicted the plethora of emotions upon seeing him again. What she didn’t expect was the awkward silence that has fallen over the cockpit now that they’re back on his father’s ship, the same ship he hasn't stepped foot on in twenty years.
As the months went by she had wanted nothing but to see his face again, to be able to talk to him, yet now she can’t even will herself to look him in the eye nonetheless think of something to say. It’s strange, she knows the reality is that he’s physically sitting just behind her, but she’s too scared to look at him for fear that if she looks away he won’t be there when she looks back. If she doesn’t look at him at all, it won’t hurt so much if he vanishes again.
Pretty soon the silence becomes stifling and she needs to get out. Springing up from the pilot’s chair, she places a hand on Chewie’s shoulder. “You got this?” she asks, barely waiting for the Wookiee to reply with a soft affirmative growl before turning and walking out of the cockpit.
Confusion rolls over Ben in waves as he watches Rey quickly leave his vicinity. He glances at his old honorary uncle - if he’s allowed to still call him that after everything - and hesitantly gets out of his chair as well. “I’m just going to—” he trails off awkwardly. The Wookiee and him haven’t said much to each other since he returned to the land of the living a few hours prior. Chewie waves him off with a soft roar. “Yeah,” Ben curtly replies before venturing down the corridor after Rey.
He finds her in the circuitry bay fiddling around with some wires. While he hasn’t been on the Falcon in a long time, he still remembers enough of her intricacies to know that she doesn’t need any maintenance - at least at this exact moment.
Ben gently prods the bond that by a miracle still exists between him and Rey to find her mind is locked up tight. She’s keeping him out despite the conflicting emotions that are trailing along the thread that connects their minds.
“Rey, look at me. Please,” he gently says, not wanting to scare her off again. He yearns to place his hand on her arm, to comfort her, but forces his arms to remain at his sides.
She stills at the sound of his voice, but doesn’t turn around.
“Did— did I do something? Whatever it was, I apologize. I know I haven’t been back long… maybe I didn’t thank you for that yet… but if I did something to offend you… well besides everything I did before… you know you can tell me,” he rambles.
“You left me…” she replies quietly before she can stop the words from leaving her lips. She hadn’t actually meant to say them out loud, but there’s no holding them back now. Her hands start to tremble against the wires so she lets them go and folds her arms together. “You told me I wasn’t alone, and then you left.”
Words escape him as the reality of what she says hits him like a freighter. She’s not wrong, and his hypocrisy kills him.
“You died, Ben. For two years I mourned you,” she continues to whisper, the sound in her throat getting thicker with each word. “I mourned you, and I couldn’t tell anyone.”
Rey finally turns away from the circuit board, but only halfway. Only her head is angled in his direction. She still can’t meet his eyes. Her nose scrunches up in her efforts to remain in control of the emotions threatening to overwhelm her.
“You died, and it felt like half my soul was ripped from my body. I could no longer feel your presence in my mind. I thought I knew what loneliness was, but that was nothing compared to this.”
“I know,” he cuts in softly.
“You can’t possibly know how that feels.”
“Of course I know how that feels!” His voice booms as he takes a step closer to her. “You died, Rey! I was laying at the bottom of that… kriffing pit… and all I could focus on was you. Your light. Then suddenly it was gone. Torn from existence. And all I knew was that I had to get back to you. So I climbed.”
He takes another step closer to her, his face nothing but serious. It reminds her of the sheer intensity of Kylo Ren. How despite giving up the feared, violent persona, Ben Solo is still a commanding presence. As he walks closer, her eyes finally find his. The usual warm honey turning almost black with the passion of his words.
“Broken bones and ribs be damned. I climbed my way back to you. And when I got to you, you were so still.” His chin begins to wobble so he clenches his teeth to regain a semblance of control. He squeezes his eyes tightly, willing the image to leave his mind where he knows it’ll be burned forever. “I held your cold, limp body in my arms. I begged the Jedi to help, and they didn’t. They abandoned us. So I did what I had to do.”
His hands rebel against his efforts to keep them by his sides and shoot up to each of her cheeks. His palms ghost on either side of her face, almost as if actually touching her will damage her. His eyes bear down into her tear filled ones.
“I gave up my life so that you could live… because you deserved it so much more than I did. I couldn’t even fathom leaving that place without you. You were my only reason to go on.”
The declaration draws a breathy gasp from her lips. Sure, she’s felt his want for her before. Both as his possessive need for her to be his empress as Kylo Ren and his unwavering loyalty as Ben. But hearing it out loud is something else. Her face tilts to the side, her cheek finally making contact with his hovering hands. She sinks into the touch instantly. The pads of his surprisingly soft thumbs rub across her skin.
Ben leans in closer, their faces within inches of each other. “I knew what I was doing, and I did it willingly. And I would do it again. Every damn time. So yes, Rey. I know how it feels, and I’m sorry you had to go through that. I truly am. But I won’t apologize for giving you my life.”
The dam finally breaks, and tears crest over and fall down her cheeks. “Did you even stop to think about how I would feel? Having to leave that awful place without you by my side. Having to return to the Resistance with half of my heart forever lost on Exegol.” she asks, her voice trembling.
His brows furrow, but the corner of his lips draws up slightly in a way that reminds her of Han.
“I knew you’d be strong enough to. You’re the fierce, unafraid scavenger who shot at me the first time we met. Who defied Snoke in my honor. Who went alone to face down karking Palpatine.” The smirk on his face grows slightly. “Who stabbed me with my own saber.” His comment manages to draw out a teary chuckle from her. “I knew you’d have the strength to go on. I would’ve had nothing to live for.”
He presses his forehead gently against hers, his hands sliding down her cheeks to rest along her neck. His thumbs softly caress her jaw. “But you… you had friends who love you. People who were counting on you to return. The galaxy needed you to return. It didn’t need me.” He scrunches his nose to sniffle back his own tears that are threatening to fall. “It didn’t need a broken man who’s caused too much destruction.”
Rey brings her hands up to cup his cheeks. He flinches at the contact, but she doesn’t waver. “But I do,” she professes. “I need you.” She leans up closer to him, their noses practically nuzzling. “You’re the only one who knows me. Truly knows me.”
There’s no hesitation this time. She surges up and presses her lips against his. It’s just as inexperienced as before, though to her credit, she didn’t feel the need to practice with any of the quite willing suitors around the base. She had been ready to accept that her first kiss would be her last. That her lips would never touch another's. But the hands along her neck tug her closer, and she knows she must be doing something right.
She pulls back and smiles shyly up at him. Ben lets out an airy chuckle and she once again gets to see that toothy smile that she’s only been able to see in dreams. Gods, she wants to see that smile every day.
“The Jedi won’t be too happy about that,” he murmurs jokingly, pressing their foreheads together again.
Rey coughs out a tiny laugh. “I don’t care. I’m the last one. I get to make the rules now.” She grins at him. “You’re not going to faint on me this time, are you?”
Ben chuckles and shakes his head. “No. I feel as warm as one can in hyperspace.” He smiles back at her before placing a kiss in the middle of her forehead. “So… do Dameron and the traitor know about this little excursion of yours? I have a feeling bringing back the leader of the enemy organization you just defeated won’t go over too well.”
She scrunches her nose. “No. Poe and Finn don’t know. But they can get over it. I won’t let them or the New Republic punish you.”
“Rey, I don’t really know if that’s your call or not,” Ben begins, but Rey’s narrowing eyes cut him off. She pushes past him, leaving the circuitry bay and heading for the main hold. That old, stalwart determination that he used to both love and hate simmers off of her across their linked minds. He follows after her.
She stops suddenly and turns around, fire in her eyes. “I just got you back. I won’t them take you from me. Do you understand? I will take you to the furthest corner of the galaxy where no one can find us before I lose you again. Besides… I have people on my side.”
A grumbly roar sounds behind him, causing Ben to jump and turn around to find Chewie has emerged from the cockpit.
“What do you mean you and Calrissian have a plan?” Ben asks his uncle incredulously.
“We’re not taking you to the Resistance,” Rey explains. “Lando has agreed to hold you on Cloud City until I can talk to Poe and Finn. It greatly diminishes the chance of you being shot on sight.”
“Thanks for that. Only makes me feel slightly better,” Ben says with a roll of his eyes. “And how do I know this isn’t a ploy for Lando to shoot me on sight himself? Why would he help hide me?”
“Because your father would want him to,” Rey says with the gentlest confidence she can. “As would your mother.” Chewie growls softly in agreement. “And believe it or not, he still cares for you. All three of us do.”
Ben takes a deep breath as the words settle over him. He knew Rey harbored no ill will towards him, he might even go as far as she likes him, but to know the Wookiee and Lando might not totally hate him is a startling revelation. After everything he’s done, they should. They’d have the absolute right to hate his guts and want him dead. Maybe they’re doing it for his parents, maybe they’re doing it for Rey, he supposes it doesn’t really matter. At the end of the day, they’re willing to help him begin a new life, one that doesn’t begin with an immediate prison sentence. He may be an idiot, but he’s not stupid enough to pass up on their offer.
“Ok then. So I hide away in Calrissian’s boudoir for a few days. Then what? Assuming the Republic doesn’t come barging in to arrest me.”
Rey takes a step closer to him, her hand slowly extending with her palm facing up. It’s reminiscent of a gesture he’s done before, and they’re both fully aware she’s doing it on purpose. “I was hoping… that we could maybe figure that out together…” she says softly.
It’s everything he’s ever wanted. Her hand in his. Willingly. Sure it’s not ruling with her as his dark empress as he always envisioned. But he’s finally realized he doesn’t need the galaxy. He doesn’t need the power of the dark.
He just needs her.
So he places his hand in hers, his thumb caressing her wrist ever so softly. Her eyes glisten with that same hope she had when they connected on Exegol. Gods, he wants her to always look at him that way. Even if he doesn’t deserve it. He squeezes her hand and she squeezes back with a smile.
“Together.”