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It was quiet. The course for Wano wasn’t as straightforward to set as she would’ve hoped, but for now the Vivre card pointed northwest and there wasn’t much else to do other than correct it slightly once in a while- nothing she couldn’t do alone. Because at that moment, it felt like she was. Nami leaned against helm, careful not to nudge it in any direction, and finally let out a long held-in breath. She still couldn’t fully fathom how exactly they managed to run away from Big Mom’s grasp. Challenging an emperor…she wondered where exactly her life turned the wrong way, (the answer was obvious and wore a straw hat) because she was such a good girl (generally, not counting the stealings) and she didn’t deserve all of this- their souls were at stake, for fuck’s sake! Even with Jinbe’s help and sacrifices they made- it was just too close for comfort. But what else was new.
Speaking of- she should soon go check in on Carrot. The poor girl was passed out in women’s quarters, too exhausted to care that half of said room was…well, not really there. Franky’s going to kill them. Nami absentmindedly ran the numbers to see if Usopp’s new bounty would cover repairs. Whatever they’ve messed up in Dressrosa, it sure was effective- she heard they now had a fleet. Surely a few strong and wealthy men could be found in there to give them some financial aid.
Creaks of the broken boards from under her feet broke her out of fantasy land. Nami shifted her weight and sighed. Whole ship wasn’t looking too great (a miracle really they were still adrift), and that was with Brook running around doing small touch-ups and minor fix-ups, but Sunny’s tale of woe lacked melody for musician to understand.
Normally, Chopper would give him a hand, with him and Usopp having the most experience in patching up beat up ships (bless you Marry), but he was currently preoccupied with something else to patch up. Namely, their unconscious idiot captain.
He passed out as soon as he made sure everyone was on board and, relatively, okay. Everyone except for him of course. For a selfish being, he never really cared about himself and it drove her crazy.
What was he even thinking, taking on alone one of the strongest pirates under the Emperor?! In stupid mirror world! Reckless idiot. Sure, it’s not like they all could do much against him, they lacked in heavy hitters and Sanji was still away at the time, but they could’ve helped somehow- come up with a damn PLAN at least- they’re not as weak as they used to! Idiot. And now he was in infirmary, with worried reindeer probably wrecking his mind what kind of ointment to use.
Nami wanted to hit something or, preferably, someone- which was good, she told herself, because being angry was better than being scared. (And she still was a bit, even if the remnants of the Cotton Candy Snow melted on deck a while ago.) Instead, she let out her exasperation with a huff and once again checked their bearings. Nothing to adjust. Nothing to do.
Nami tapped an unsteady beat on the wheel. She should be grateful for this moment of peace and quiet and try to relax, because who knows what will go down in Wano, but for some reason, she felt uneasy. There was this itch leaving her restless and she swore if that was Luffy manifesting in her subconsciousness because “healing is boring”, she will smack him so hard he’ll heal rest of his injuries in coma.
Which, maybe wasn’t that bad of an idea.
One last time making sure ship was on course and not like, half across South Blue or something, she stepped down to lower deck, taking in the magnitude of damages the ship withstood.
And, in the middle of the debris, lone silhouette brooded by the stairs.
Sanji looked, well, not like Sanji. Devoid of his usual poise and energy, he sat completely deflated, a tangle of shivering body covered with torn down jacket and shaky hands that nervously ran through disheveled hair. Their lovely cook, one of crew’s monsters and part of family ever since East Blue- she has never seen him so broken and so painfully young.
Not sure how to approach him (she really only had experience with comforting the younger boys- Usopp would vent to her about the slightest of misfortunes that loved him so much and Chopper usually just needed hugs and pets) she decided on combination of the two, sliding down next to him on damp grass and waited for reaction. Sanji stiffened against her side, visibly trying to quench voiceless sobs that stuck in his throat and took several more moments to collect himself before he carefully lifted his head.
‘H-hello mellorine’ He flashed her a weak smile. Nami wondered who was supposed to be fooled by it, because she certainly wasn’t. ‘Ah. You’re probably hungry- I’ll – I just need a second- and be back in kitchen in no tim-’ His voice cracked and that was the last straw for Nami- she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, so that his head was stuck between her boob and knee- effectively silencing him.
It was unexpected even for her, to react on such an instinct, and she held in her breath- because Sanji sometimes was weird like that (and she really didn’t want to hit him right now)- but after a heartbeat she felt him relax against her and soon her shirt was soaking from tears.
Nami steadily ran her fingers along his back, mapping rigid bandages wrapped under clothes, letting him cry in her arms, holding him like she wished someone would’ve held her when Arlong first came to her life and everything had the aftertaste of rotten fish. She wasn’t sure how long they sat there, and other than discomfort from the wet grass, she didn’t really minded. It was the least she could do.
Eventually he straightened a bit to look her dead into an eye.
‘I just wanted to keep everyone safe’
‘We know Sanji, we kno-’
‘…at least that’s what I told myself over and over and over’ He swallowed loudly and his voice was hoarse, layered with guilt and something else. ‘I mean, yeah that’s what I wished, but then I thought- I thought that maybe- and I did everything they needed me to do- if I could’ve been useful to them, and not a fucking failure like always- if I showed them that- then maybe, maybe they would fucking want me, you know? Which is insane, because, have you seen them? Who would want to be loved by them? No one with the right mind of course- but I craved it like a shitty addict, like a fucking lunatic, the unlovable child of loveless man- and then I was given a chance, a bloody fucking chance that I got, and I was almost happy, almost wanted her to kill me- to end this nightmarish circle of misery because Surprise! I didn’t even know what I’ve been looking for- no one fucking told me it would hurt so bad!’ He gasped for air and faltered. Shaking hands whipped his cheeks from any tears that might’ve fallen, but didn’t stay there to cover or hide, blue eyes intently searching for something on Nami’s face. He found no disgust, no pity, no hate. Just pure understanding.
Seemingly satisfied, he hunched back against the wall and dug up a pack of cigarettes. They were in poor condition, rumpled and soggy, but like their owner, loved fire nevertheless. Sanji took a deep drag as he played with the lighter, allowing the new flames to die in the breeze. In the back of her head Nami noted the wind was picking up and soon all available hands would be needed on the deck-the storm was coming and it was not going to be light one.
She almost didn’t hear him when he spoke again.
‘It’s infuriating, isn’t it?’
Nami chuckled gently and put her head on his shoulder. ‘Yeah it is.’
He nodded as to himself and stubbed the butt on the sole of his boot (good thing Wano’s dress code, as Kin’emon described to them earlier, included sandals, because these shoes wont last another battle). After a moment of emptily staring at his hands, Sanji lighted another one with resignation.
‘I just don’t get it.’ He admitted softly. ‘If he was angry at least, I could make some amends, work my ass off in kitchen, anything he wanted- but he forgave me before I’ve even asked.’
Nami thought back on Arlong Park. How she left them in the middle on fight, stole their ship, refused to explain anything- crapped on them and repeatedly asked to be left alone. But Luffy, who didn’t even know her for that long, risked his life, because he chose her to be his navigator, and she was his. Plain and simple.
Being loved by Luffy was overwhelming at first. The way he believed in you was almost suffocating, unescapable, the unyielding faith and boundless forgiveness crushing your whole existence- and you prayed to hold them up, because disappointing him would ruin you. But as time went by and you learned the love was unconditioned, that there was practically nothing you could do that would destroy it, and the heaviness turned into immensurable freedom and strength and it was unstoppable and beautiful and endless- like clear sky after downpour. Like coming home.
However long it will take him to accept that, it was now their job to make Sanji understand it.
‘You’re being selfish again- he doesn’t care about all of this. He just wants you and that’s it.’
‘Yeah but-‘
‘No buts, Sanji. We’re nakama.’ Nami forced on an eye contact. ‘We love you.’ And she held her gaze steadily, not relenting until relief washed over Sanji’s features. He looked like he was going to cry again, but gulped back the tears, and with a nod, stood up on his shaky feet.
‘Well, enough moping! As much as your beautiful presence sooths my soul, the kitchen awaits me! But worry not, gorgeous angel, I’ll prepare your favorites and be back at your side before you know it <3’ And with his usual spiel, he turned towards the galley. Nami grinned, pushing frustration aside- baby steps, she reminded herself. She got up as well, checking on the Vivre card (it was slightly off) and started making her way back to the bow.
‘Nami-dear?’ Sanji was standing in what was once entry to the mess. His words were quiet, but the picking up wind carried them on. ‘...Thanks.’
She waved him off with a smile. Idiots, all of them.