Work Text:
There was an hour left of the day. An hour and then Atsushi could go home.
He was trying not to be shocked at how strangely productive Dazai was being at the desk besides him. He found it was best not to question his mentor at times, especially if it meant he was actually doing his work and not shoving it onto Atsushi.
Suddenly Kunikida stood up and looked across the room.
“Tanzania, you’re behind!’ He barked out.
“Ah! Sorry Kunikida-san!” The ginger panicked and began typing even quicker. Atsushi flinched and almost fell out of his chair, Kunikida tells at Dazai all the time but he’s never this high strung when it comes to the others.
“Kunikida-san-“ Atsushi tried to say but a glare from Kunikida shut him up.
“You two kid, you better have all this finished by 5,”
Atsushi was too scared to ask why. Instead he began frantically typing on his laptop.
As the clock hit five o’clock the entire office stood up.
Atsushi almost shrieked in surprise.
“Did you all finish?” Kunikida demanded, not turning to look around the office. He was answered with a unanimous yes. Even Dazai answered with a serious expression. “Then it can begin,”
‘What can begin!?’ Atsushi wanted to scream.
With a grin Dazai reached under his desk to pull out a box, Atsushi watched curiously to see what it contained and panicked when he saw it contained multiple bottles of alcohol.
“Let the office Christmas party begin!” Yosano cheered, holding bottles of her own up.
“Whooooooo!” Dazai cheered, immediately fishing out a bottle of whiskey and proceeding to take a chug.
“Christmas party?” Atsushi asked the room, needing someone to explain.
“It’s Christmas Eve,” Dazai explained. “On Christmas Eve we get smashed!”
“If your not hungover on Christmas Day then you haven’t done it right!” Yosano appeared, her and Dazai clicked their bottles together before taking another drink.
“Just no vomiting on the floor this year, if you feel the need please make your way to the bathroom,” Kunikida sighed in long suffering pain.
“Yessir!” Yosano and Dazai giggled.
‘Kunikida-san… you allow this?” Atsushi was bewildered, he didn’t see the serious man as the partying type…
“Christmas Eve is the one time he lets his hair down!” Dazai threw an arm around his work partner. “Isn’t that right Kunikida-kun~”
Kunikida slapped the finger poking him in the cheek away.
“Christmas should be enjoyed,” is all he said.
Dazai and Yosano ran off laughing over to where Ranpo was somewhere sucking on a lollipop while drinking.
“Of course minors will not be drinking,” Kunikida looked sternly over at Kyouka and Kenji who nodded understandingly. “But you are more than welcome at this wild party,”
It looked less than half an hour but Dazai, Yosano and Ranpo were all dancing on the table to Dancing Queen by ABBA.
“You are the DANCING QUEEEEEEEEENNNNNN~’ they sang terribly and very much out of tune. “Young and sweet~ only seveteeeeennnnnn!!!! Ooohhhhoooohhhhhhhhh!”
Dazai did a little twirl and held a hand out to Yosano who took it and he spun her round. They giggled before both of them held out hands to Ranpo and the three of them were jumping around together so much that Atsushi though the table would break.
Most of the office staff were gathered around the former table now stage, cheering the trio on. Kyouka and Kenji were sitting together by the Christmas tree half watching the performance and half chatting together. The Tanizaki siblings were nowhere to be found but worth their usual antics plus alcohol… Atsushi didn’t want to know where they were or what they were doing.
The next song started playing and the trio started screaming excitedly.
“YOU CAN’T ESCAPE MARIAH CARREYYYY!” Ranpo screamed.
“THIS IS HER TIME OF YEAR!” Yosano joined in.
“I think it time we did it,” Dazai turned to them very seriously. The other two nodded. They did a shot each that a member of the office staff passed to them before striking a pose.
“IIIIIIII don’t want a lot for Christmas~” Dazai began.
“There is just one thing I need!” Yosano continued.
“I don’t care about the presents, underneath the Christmas treeeeeee~” Ranpo sang.
“I just want you for my own~” they all sang together. And thus began the most traumatising 4 minutes of Atsushi’s life as he had to watch his mentor and co-workers perform an obviously choreographed routine to All I Want For Christmas. Which is very much overplayed but you have to love it otherwise Mariah will come for you.
“They do this every year,” Kunikida informed him. All Atsushi could do was nod because did Dazai just slut drop and did Yosano just slap Ranpo’s ass?
Atsushi told himself this was all a fever dream.
Kunikida put an end to it after a few more songs and a lot more drinks when Dazai tried to perform a live strip show with Yosano and Ranpo throwing money and cheering him on.
“Every damn year,” he said through gritted teeth. Did this mean Atsushi would have to witness this horror next year too????!!!!
The night reached its climax when Yosano shoved her tongue down Dazai’s throat who reciprocated and when they parted they winked at each other before laughing. They then turned to Ranpo who declined, saying, “I have Ed now, I don’t need to kiss you two idiots anymore, speaking of Dazai, Mr Fancy Hat won’t be happy to here about this,”
Dazai immediately paled and began begging Ranpo not to tell him.
“Apparently its tradition between the three of them to make out like a bunch of savages,” Kunikida looked like he wanted to cry. “They tried to make me one year,”
Atsushi didn’t ask anymore. He saw Kunikida’s traumatised face and chose ignorance.
“They wont try to-“
“You’re safe kid,” Kunikida reassured him.
“Atsushi-kuuuunnnnnn~” Dazai cried out. “Come over here, you’re missing the party!”
At least that’s what Atsushi thinks he was trying to say. Between his slurred words and the fact that he kept forgetting what he was trying to say it sounded more like: “ comeee commeeeeeee, hereeee over here, youuuuu misss-uhhhh party,”
“Have the party trio made out yet?” Tanizaki appeared out of nowhere. Atsushi chose to ignore the marks on his neck.
“Yep,” he nodded.
“Alright, this is when the party gets good!” Tanizaki cheered and he joined the mob dancing in the middle of the office.
Dazai grabbed him and Kunikida and pulled them in the middle of them office, encouraging them to dance. To his surprise Kunikida did, despite how stiff and awkward his moves were. He was smiling though so he obviously had a good time.
The next morning Atsushi woke up on the Agency’s sofa curled up with Kyouka and Kenji.
Careful not to disturb them he slipped out the sofa and made his way into the main office. There he saw Yosano sleeping on a desk hugging a bottle of wine, Ranpo upside half off the table with a lollipop in his mouth and Kunikida on the floor besides them.
The Tanizaki siblings were cuddling under a desk but he couldn’t find Dazai anywhere.
The door the Agency swung open and in walked said bandaged man. He looked the same as he did the night before.
“Oh. Atsushi-Kunikida,” he blinked at his protege in surprise. Then he held his finger up to his lips and winked. “Don’t tell them you saw me,” and then he proceeded to lie in the chair besides Yosano and pretend to sleep.
Atsushi will pretend he didn’t see the motorcycle drive off and he didn’t see the redhead driving it. Wow, he really is in denial about so many things.
It took a few hours but eventually everyone was awake. (Yosano tried to punch Kunikida when he woke her up.)
“It’s present time~” Dazai cheered. A bunch of half hearted, way too hungover to be awake, cheers went around the room. “We should obviously start with Kyouka and Kenji,”
Fukuzawa went over to the christmas tree which mysteriously was filled with multiple presents, come to think of it where was the President doing the party yesterday?, and picked up a small pile of presents and placed them in front of Kyouka and Kenji.
Kyouka’s presents all had light blue wrapping paper with small rabbits over it. Kenji’s was yellow with little reindeer.
They opened them excitedly, Kenji was given a new straw hat which he excitedly played on his head, some new gardening gloves and a mini cow bobble head. Kyouka was given a cute dress, a big rabbit plushie and a necklace with small diamond star.
They said thank you and hugged everyone in the room. Apparently all the adults in the room put money together to buy the younger ones presents.
“You three are next!” Yosano grinned. Fukuzawa once again made the trip over to the Christmas tree and placed the presents in front of Tanizaki, Naomi and him.
He stared down unsure what to do. He knew he was supposed to open them but-
He’s never received a Christmas present before.
“What are you waiting for,” Dazai placed a hand on his head. “Open them,”
Atsushi lifted two shaky hands and careful unwrapped the first gift.
“Ooohhh~ I picked that one out!” Dazai snickered, Yosano almost giggled a little.
Atsushi knew those laughs could not be a good thing but was too busy feeling emotional over his first Christmas present to worry too much. He opened the box to see a tiger ear handband. Honestly he wished he could say he was surprised.
He didn’t complain as Ranpo placed them on his head and Kyouka took a picture with a smirk.
He opened the next two with just as much care. The next one was a small card containing a voucher to his favourite restaurant that sold the best chazuke. Honestly, Atsushi felt like crying at this point but he continued to the third one.
“This is the best one,” Kunikida informed him.
Atsushi opened it up to come face to face with a photo album.
“Huh?” He blinked at it in surprise.
“Open it!” Dazai demanded and Atsushi did as he said.
The first page was him laying face down on the floor of the warehouse. Written underneath the photo was: “the night Atsushi discovered he was a tiger,”
“Who even took this?” He wondered.
“I did of course~” Dazai told him proudly. “It started off because I thought it was funny,”
“And then he kept doing it because he was feeling like a proud papa watching you grow~” Yosano teased.
“I did not!”
“You so did,” Ranpo stated matter of factly.
The next page was Atsushi during his entrance exam trying to convince Tanizaki to put the bomb down. “Atsushi-kun sure does have a talent for acting~”
Then there was him passed out after his first fight with Akutagawa in the alley way, Dazai had taken it as a selfie, holding up a peace sign at the camera. “His first fight, he sure has become violent,”
To his surprise there was a picture of Kunikida standing on the boat taking a selfie where you could see a small Atsushi and Akutagawa in the background. “Rematch!”
“This is what you were doing while we were fighting for our lives!” Atsushi cried out.
Kunikida shrugged. “It was important to mark the occasion,”
He didn’t know what to say to that.
There were pictures of Atsushi working at his desk, him and Kyouka buying crepes together, him sleeping in random places.
“How did you take so many?”
“I can be sneaky,” Dazai shrugged.
There were other pictures taken by others. One of him and Dazai walking side by side. Dazai placing a blanket over him as he sleeps, him and Fukuzawa plaything with some cats.
“Everyone in the Agency has taken at leas tone of the photos in there,” Fukuzawa told him, a soft smile on his face.
Atsushi couldn’t help it anymore. He started crying, uncontrollably. He was just-
So overwhelmed. So happy.
No one had ever done anything so nice for him. He didn’t know what to do other than cry and say “thank you,” over and over again.
By the time they managed to calm him down they were all hungry so they took a break for some lunch. They made their way down to cafe Uzumaki and ordered some lunch.
They went back upstairs after to continue the present giving.
Yosano received an expensive bottle of wine, Ranpo was given some limited edition sweets, Kunikida was given a new notebook that was signed by Master Carlisle, the man who makes the books, and Dazai received a pair of cat slippers and some bandages.
Lastly they handed Fukuzawa a cat mug.
“It’s tradition to buy the President a cat mug,” Tanizaki explained.
“This would be number 13 in the collection,” Fukuzawa nodded, looking at the mug fondly. “Ranpo started it when we first formed the Agency together,”
They spent the rest of the day together, Kunikida even allowed them to use the projector to watch Christmas movies on. When it was time for dinner they ate horrible take out together.
On the walk back to the dorms Atsushi couldn’t help but ask Dazai a question.
“Does the Agency celebrate Christmas together every year?”
Dazai looked at home with a blank expression for a moment before smiling. “Most of us don’t have a family or anywhere to go over Christmas, I bet until yesterday you never even thought about Christmas being different from any other day,”
“That’s true, I’ve never done anything to celebrate,” Atsushi agreed, looking at the ground as they walked.
“I was surprised my first year too,” Dazai admitted. “There’s only been a few people who have ever even bothered to give me a christmas gift, I never expected my co-workers to do this, but I sometimes I think the Agency is less of a work place and more of a collection of Strays who turned it into a home and become a family,”
“A family,” Atsushi felt his eyes tear up again.
“Merry Christmas, Atsushi-kun,” Dazai gave him another head pat before walking away.
“Where are you going?” Atsushi wondered.
“There’s someone else I need to go see now,” Dazai waved.
Atsushi and Kyouka walked back to the dorms in comfortable silence.
Not that Atsushi had much to compare it to but this has been the best Christmas he’s ever had.
EDIT:
https://www.instagram.com/p/C1Vy5h7C066/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
I did something…. I maybe have drawn Dazai slut dropping and Yosano slapping Ranpo’s ass… then Dazai trying to strip 😂😂