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Ian prides himself on being a professional. Sure, he is known for his depressing references to global wars and mass death that always bring down the energy of a room, and the not safe for work answers he often provides during anonymous games like Puns of Anarchy and Jackbox could get the entire gaming channel removed from YouTube if they are not careful enough during post-production, but Anthony was right when he said Ian carried this company on his back for six years. He wouldn't have been able to keep Smosh afloat if he didn't care about his business reputation at least a little bit. Ian's more than 18 years of practice makes up for a lack of education, despite what some of his family members may think and care to let him know.
One of the things Ian has been careful about since founding Smosh is keeping his personal and work lives separated. He has broken this rule a few times with Pamela which has only shown him that he is right, there is no need for him to mix his romantic intentions with the content the company creates, even if it is after him and his partner have separated from each other. Dating another content creator in general now seemed very risky to Ian.
What Ian doesn't understand is why he is sitting on Amanda's couch with a bottle of red wine in his hand, waiting impatiently for Amanda to return from a trip to the bathroom so they can start drinking.
This wouldn't normally be weird. Smosh literally did a paid live event where the entire cast drank on camera with the intention of getting drunk for content and crew members often post clips on social media of employees being Iced during company parties, but the way Ian's knee is frantically bouncing up and down confirms that this situation is, in fact, weird. He is nervous to see Amanda, to be around her alone with nobody to run off to and distract him when his stomach begins churning with the thought of ending up right where he is now, by himself in Amanda's apartment that she invited him to willingly, without any obligation or reason to celebrate.
He is also nervous because he has imagined this exact scenario countless times in the past. It has been a consistent fantasy in the privacy of his own bedroom since it was confirmed Amanda was a part of the Smosh family in March 2022. That is over a year of Ian pining for this woman to nobody's knowledge, not even Anthony's. Ian would be lying if he said it wasn't eating him from the inside out to not be able to say or do anything out of his own personal fears. Why is he psyching himself up to spend their time together on the verge of an anxiety attack the entire time if this is what he's imagined?
Ian is so wrapped up in his thoughts that he doesn't realize Amanda has walked back into the room until he feels her snatching the bottle of wine out of his grip.
"What's going on up there?" Amanda asks innocently, taking the seat next to Ian and tapping her pointer finger on his temple like someone booping a dog's nose.
Amanda leans over the coffee table sitting in front of them about a foot away to grab the wine glasses. She fills them both up eloquently, passing one to Ian and keeping the other to herself while she waits for a response. All Ian can focus on is the way their hands slightly brush against each other, allowing him to feel the contrast between her long, baby-soft fingers and his rugged ones like he has spent the last 20 years as a construction worker instead of as an internet personality.
"Helloooo?" Amanda prods again, dragging out the last letter and waving her free hand in front of Ian's to grab his attention.
"Oh, nothing," Ian lies, clearing his throat to distract from the fact that his mind is visibly running at the speed of a thousand miles per hour.
Amanda raises a suspicious eyebrow as she takes a sip of her drink. She can read right through Ian. To be fair though, it does not take a genius to tell he is hiding something in this moment. Anyone with half of a brain would be able to tell that quite the opposite of nothing is swirling around in his head. Ian also sips his own drink, but it is longer than the length of Amanda's. He almost finishes the glass in a single go, nothing except a puny swig left, and that is being generous. It was less of a sip and more of a chug, in hindsight, that Ian did not intend on taking. Amanda's eyes widened at the sign.
"Okay, that's enough for you," she remarks as she steals the glass out of Ian's hand and sets it back down out of his immediate reach. "I can't have you getting drunk this quickly."
The words linger in an awkward silence for a moment despite Amanda attempting to chuckle in order to soothe some of Ian's nearly tangible nerves. The tension that was already in the room has doubled, the air thickening between them. Ian thinks that he has never been this on edge in his life, counting when he ran the company-wide meeting to announce Anthony's return and Smosh's third re-homing.
Amanda decides to speak again.
"I, uh, invited you over here so we could—" She continues to speak even though Ian has drowned out her voice. He can't focus on anything except the warmth behind Amanda's eyes. He always hated how his own eyes looked, the ocean blue so stark in comparison to his pale skin, but hers were beautiful. They complimented everything Ian loved about her face perfectly, from the subtle arch of her eyebrows to the curve of her upper lip and her lovely tan complexion. He truly has never seen a person so ethereal, and so effortlessly ethereal at that.
"I like you," Ian blurts out involuntarily, interrupting Amanda's monologue. She nearly chokes on her own saliva, caught off by his words.
"What?"
"It's nothing, I'm sorry I said anything," Ian gets up from the couch and bolts towards the door, leaving even quicker than he arrived. He doesn't have the chance to move more than five steps until Amanda catches up to him. She grabs his wrist and twists him around. They are now facing each other.
"You weren't listening to me when I was trying to talk to you earlier," Amanda's voice is stern, yet kind, and it is enough to stop Ian dead in his tracks. "I invited you over here so we could talk about our feelings towards one another. You aren't as subtle as you think you are, Ian. I see you catching a glimpse at me during lunch and looking at my Instagram in your office."
"I didn't realize I was doing those things," Ian replies earnestly. He's not kidding, he really didn't realize. His heart sinks at the fact that maybe this stupid adult crush of his hasn't been the big secret he thought it was. Maybe Anthony does know. Maybe all his other co-workers know, too. Ian can't imagine what they must be saying when he is not in the room.
Amanda drags Ian back to the couch so they can sit down and properly have a conversation about this. He obliges only because there is no backing out now. He said he likes Amanda to her face and now they are going to talk about it like real 30-something-year-olds, much to Ian's demise.
"And I've been doing the same things to you," Amanda confesses, "I guess we have both been so caught up in our own heads we never stopped to notice each other."
Ian mentally rummages through a catalog of memories over the past year and a half, trying to find a moment, any moment, where Amanda showed even the slightest bit of interest towards him in any way that could be construed as romantic and not just comedic for a bit or as a joking friends. As she claimed, he comes up short.
Amanda takes her hands and places them on Ian's knees, rubbing a thumb against the exposed skin just underneath the hem of his shorts. His first instinct is to sink into the armchair behind him and vanish into the faux leather. Instead, he places his own hands on top of hers. This feeling is infinitely better than the two of them making accidental contact earlier.
Ian wants Amanda to know that he is listening to her this time around, that he is taking in every word that she is so thoughtfully spilling before finally taking some initiative after this newfound confidence.
"Would you be interested in... exploring sometime?" Ian asks. The question is vague and sounds reminiscent of a fourth grader asking her boyfriend if they can hug after recess on Tuesday, but it doesn't matter. Amanda knows exactly what he means. He knew she would.
Alternatively to answering his question with more words, Amanda reacts in the only appropriate way: She leans over her and Ian's hands, softly connecting their lips. It is warm, it is passionate, and it is filled with desire while still keeping in mind that this is new for both of them and not something they want to rush too quickly into, just like Ian had dreamed his first kiss with Amanda would be like.
It doesn't last more than before Amanda pulls away, which is more than enough to satisfy Ian. She rests her forehead against his, halting the wave of fear that Ian has made a grave mistake from settling in his core.
"I want this. Do you?" Amanda whispers into Ian's ear.
This time Ian is the one that goes mute. Shivers run up from the base of his spine to the top of his head, electrifying pulses firing on all cylinders throughout his entire body.
Ian reaches his arms up to slightly push Amanda back so he can see her, all of her. Amanda's hands do not budge from their spot on Ian's knees as he brushes her bangs out of the way. Ian wraps his arms around Amanda's neck and leans in for another kiss.
He could get used to this, and now he has confirmation that she can, too. That is all Ian has wanted for the past nearly two years. His dream finally came true.