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"Did you memorized my entry?"
As Hawk tries to remember when was the last time he was impressed, Tim Laughlin makes the most adorable face and suddenly Hawk wants to kiss him. He rarely kisses people he fucks, but then again, he almost never gets to know people he fucks, doesn't ask their names, doesn't know where they work, and never asks for their phone numbers. He rarely finds them adorable. And he hasn't even fucked Tim Laughlin yet. As the boy shamelessly flirts with him, Hawk can't stop looking at his lips, imagining how they would taste like.
He can't stop thinking of kissing him long after their conversation in the park.
Kissing Tim's mouth quickly becomes one of the Hawk's favourite things. Pressing him to the wall of his apartment and kissing him deeply, kissing him sweetly after they've had sex, kissing him briefly just because he can.
Predictably, it becomes a problem very soon.
His boy wants to go to the party, so Hawk takes him to the party and has to leave him in Mary's hands in order to keep appearances. Every time he glances at Tim, he looks so happy and delighted, Hawk has an unbearable urge to abandon Lucy and people at the party, go to Tim and kiss him until his head is spinning. It is dangerous, he knows, to be in public with Tim, because he distracts him to the point he misses half of the conversation with Mr Kennedy. When they arrive at Cozy Corner, Hawk spends rest of the evening attached to Tim's lips, those lips that were pleasuring him just a few hours ago, those lips he's been dreaming of since they arrived at that party.
Another thing Hawk becomes addicted to is kissing Tim's neck. Kissing his neck down to his chest and back up until Tim is groaning and begging to fuck him, kissing his neck until the sensitive skin becomes red, the closest thing to leaving a mark Hawk and Tim can't afford, kissing his neck lightly right under his ear, where Tim is a bit ticklish only to feel Tim squirming under him and giggling in Hawk's hair.
Hawk is waiting for senator Smith outside the McCarthy's office glancing at Tim from time to time, secretly enjoying the fact Tim's been trying and failing to read a document right in front of him for last ten minutes. Jean Kerr is also in the room so it is torture for them both. The tension between them is so palpable Hawk is wondering if Jean can see it too, but she thankfully seems too busy trying to listen what's going on in the office.
In the corner of his eye Hawk sees Tim adjusting his tie and his attention is momentarily caught by Tim's neck, a small bruise is showing up from under the collar of his shirt and it sends a wave of thrill through Hawk's body as he remembers sucking at that particular neck just two nights ago harder than it was allowed, following by the wave of familiar panic. The thought of someone noticing feels like jumping into freezing water. He checks that Jean is still distracted, then catches Tim's eyes and touches his own tie, then lifts his eyebrows, hoping that Tim would understand. Tim's eyes are big for a moment and then he leaves the room, probably going to the bathroom to hide the mark before the mirror. When he comes back, it's indeed hidden but Hawk knows it's there, the evidence of his mouth on Tim's neck, the memory of his kisses imprinted on Tim's skin and despite the paralysing fear he wants nothing more than put his lips on Tim right now and cover all if his neck with shapes of his teeth.
Before Tim, Hawk thought that cheek kissing is quite overrated. He reserved it for his mother and greetings. Then, he discovered that kissing Tim's face, covering his cheekbones with tiny little pecks, just touching him with his lips, feeling the soft skin, brings him more joy than most of things in his life.
Tim is walking around Hawk's apartment and commenting on everything he sees, including content of his refrigerator.
"No, really, Hawk, there is only a beer and a single apple! Are you eating at all?"
"I eat. I even love to cook, it's just I was too busy lately for shopping," Hawk hugs Tim from behind and nuzzles his neck going up to his ear, whispering, "maybe some time I'll cook for you."
The sound Tim makes is close to a moan and Hawk hugs him harder and peppers his right cheek with tiny little kisses, as if he was trying to taste joy from Tim's face. Sometimes Hawk thinks he can.
Hawk is walking through the park when he notices Tim and Mary sitting on the park bench, eating sandwiches and laughing.
He has to stop for a minute to breathe because he wants nothing more than to be on Mary's place, to sit on that bench with Tim, to swipe a sandwich crumble from his cheek only to kiss the beautiful blush that would show.
There is one type of kisses Hawk doesn't like. He doesn't like them because of implications they carry, because they are only reserved for Tim and nobody else, because they are not so subtle way to show Tim his affection, to show he cares, to reassure him. They scare him so much and at the same time he can't control it. Hawk doesn't like them and yet surprises himself every time.
"Will I see you again?" Tim asks this question almost every time they part and every time something inside Hawk dies a little because one day the answer will be no and he wishes, god how he wishes that day never comes. Instead of answering, he kisses Tim's forehead, afraid that if he opens his mouth, he will say something like Don't go. He can't, so he presses his lips to Tim's forehead and again just above his left brow and lingers there for a moment until he has his emotions under control.
"I have no regrets." Hawk is not sure if his heart tries to escape his chest or if the warm feeling spreading in his whole body too fast is going to kill him, but he doesn't care anymore. The only thing he cares is how much he wants to kiss Tim, how much he's craved it for years, for his whole life, so he does.
He kisses Tim's lips, saying I love you, his cheek, saying I like you, his forehead, saying I care about you, both of his hands, as in I missed you, a place under his chin and side of his neck, I still want you, before returning to his lips again. He wraps his arms around him, presses his forehead to Tim's and tries to do a familiar excersise to get his emotions under control, takes a breath, but is doesn't work.
Hawk is aware there are people around them and waits for fear or shame to overwhelm him, but it never comes. The only thing that matters is that Tim whispers "I love you", and the words overwhelm him instead.
For the first time in his life Hawk lets go and whispers them back.