Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It's a little past twilight by the time Mizuki reaches their destination. The bus they're on is worn down, and the sputtering sound it makes as it pulls up to the bus stop makes it evident that it's on its last legs. The distorted name of the station stop crackles over the broken speaker, and Mizuki jumps out of their seat, skipping past the other denizens weary from their workweek. They're the only one to exit the ancient vehicle, which made sense given the time of year. The college semester ended last week and most students had presumably gone home for the holidays. Mizuki doubted this place got much foot traffic without them.

Now that they thought about it, there probably wasn't much traffic up here at all. Sapporo wasn't a ghost city, nor the whole prefect of Hokkaido for that matter,  but they could count on one hand the number of times they'd been up here. Mizuki couldn't say they ever felt a need to venture out of Tokyo, regardless of the pain associated with it. They doubted they were unique in that respect.

Regardless, it wasn't like they were in the middle of nowhere, it was Sapporo after all! The last time Mizuki had been here was when they were in Junior High. It had been an overnight field trip to see some traditional stage play. They didn't pay too much attention at the time, it was much more interesting to gawk at all the extravagant clothing the adult attendees were wearing. The cream-colored satin fabric one woman was clad in still haunted Mizuki's dreams. One of these days they'd bite the bullet and buy a yard or two, bank account be damned.

Mizuki took a cursory glance at their phone. Their mom had been spamming them with messages ever since they got on the train back in Tokyo. Not that Mizuki could really blame her, they were traveling during the holidays after all. In hindsight, Mizuki wasn't quite sure how they convinced their parents to let them come up here in the first place. They had a sneaking suspicion their sister deserved some credit in changing their parent's minds, much as she might deny it. 

The only other message they'd received was from An, wishing them good luck on their mission. Mizuki's eyes narrowed as they heart-reacted the message. That's right, they were on a mission and couldn't afford to lose focus. They turned their attention back to the entrance of the school in front of them. Or one of the entrances of the school, rather. It was at this point they realized they had no idea where they were supposed to go. There was only one way to find out.

After navigating on their phone for a bit, Mizuki found their finger hovering over a contact name. It had been a while since it'd been updated, as evident by the long string of emojis in the place where a last name would go. Without warning, their brain flooded with memories from a bygone era. Shopping trips, late-night conversations, creative collaborations, everything in between. They remembered places too. The school rooftop, the koi aquarium...

An empty plane of existence that stretched for miles.

They shook their head. Now wasn't the time to lose themselves in thoughts like this. They couldn't get distracted, not now. It was a miracle Mizuki had made it here in the first place. They had to take advantage of it. Regaining their resolve, they pressed the call button on the contact. It rang once, twice, a third time, and as Mizuki was about to hang up and try again, they heard it. That voice. That familiar, comforting voice. It used to be one of their favorite sounds in the world.

"Hello?"

"Ena!" Mizuki yelled, "I'm here!"

"Already?"

"What do you mean already? That's not a very nice thing to say!"

They heard Ena sigh on the other line, "You're exhausting, you know that?"

Mizuki laughed, "Good! Come pick me up! I don't know where I am. You don't want me to freeze to death out here, do you?"

"What's near you?" Ena sighed again.

Mizuki squinted their eyes, "Let's see...the Center for Economics and Finance."

Nothing for a few seconds, and then came the third sigh.

"Give me a minute, that's on the other side of campus."

*****

Thirty minutes later, Mizuki stood in the elevator of Ena's dorm. The thermostat in the lobby claimed it was warmer here than it had been outside, but Mizuki was having a hard time believing it.

Despite borderline attacking Ena when Mizuki first saw her, they couldn't help but notice the sentiment wasn't returned. Mizuki always had plenty of energy for the two of them, even during one of Ena's temper flare-ups, but they still expected a bit more of a reaction than simply standing there. She offered to take one of their bags which was nice, but hadn't said much during their walk over, other than muttering some warnings when going up a crumbling staircase. Mizuki didn't take it personally though, this was about what they expected.

It had been three months since they'd last spoken to Ena, arguably longer taking into account how she scarcely made more than small talk in the month leading up to her starting college. They understood this, to some degree at least. Mizuki hadn't gone through the experience yet, but starting college seemed like a big deal, especially if you were going to school ten hours away. Still, Mafuyu and Rui spoke to them regularly before they left, which was more than they could say about Ena.

They stole a look at the shorter girl, trying to be sneaky about it. Her hair wasn't as well kept as they remembered it, and the bags under her eyes were a bit more pronounced than usual, but there was no mistaking it. Ena standing in front of them. The same Ena they'd talked to daily for over two years. The same Ena they collaborated with to save Mafuyu. The same Ena who pulled them out of the depths of despair.

The same Ena they-

"...because I only have a single," Ena said, breaking Mizuki out of their trance.

"Oh! The horror! We'll have to huddle together for warmth!" Mizuki said, pretending to faint.

Ena glared at them, "No, I just said I have a futon. Were you even listening?"

"Right, of course, I heard you," Mizuki lied, "was just making a joke."

"Mm."

Mizuki turned back to their post, looking at the elevator door. They kept telling themselves that this was to be expected. Something had changed Ena, they were there to get to the bottom of it and ensure that she'd be a part of their life again by the end of the week. But they couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. After all, Ena invited Mizuki to come visit her, not the other way around. If it were anyone else besides Ena, the rather lackluster reaction would have been unimaginable.

But that's Ena for you, always the therapist, never the patient.

They sigh, reflecting on their own issues for a moment. Throughout it all, from the very beginning, Ena was always the one supporting them. She'd caught on from the start, the second they'd let their guard down while on that group-building tour over two years ago. Sure, An and Rui technically knew before her, but the support they gave Mizuki was different. It was welcome, for sure, but it was different. Ena had been the one to give them as much space as they needed, the one to actively encourage them to accept their identity, the one to almost fight that poor 1st year who was trying to act macho in front of his friends. Mizuki tried to stiffen their smile thinking about his terrified face. 

"Oi, what are you smiling at?" Ena asked.

"Nothing," Mizuki smiled at her, "just reminiscing about the old times."

"Yeah," Ena said, her face remaining flat as she turned to the opening elevator, "the old times."

She stepped through the doors without a word. Mizuki picked up their bag and followed suit, nipping at her heels. 

You can't stay like this forever, they thought, I will break through. Just like you did for me.

****

It takes a bit for them to get settled. They "only" brought three bags, but it was three bags of a prospective fashion student. Ena realized that the futon covering was dusty from non-use and went to throw it in the wash in the basement. Mizuki wanted to go with her, and perhaps use their proximity to the exit as an excuse to do something fun, but Ena declined.

"Unpack your stuff and relax," she said, "I'm sure you've had a long day."

Okay, maybe that was true, but how could anyone expect Mizuki to sit still right now? They had finally been reunited with Ena after god knows how long, and now they were supposed to twiddle their thumbs alone in her room? No, that wouldn't do.

They got to work, unpacking the various activities they brought with them. Back in Tokyo, they procured an extensive collection of make-up they were sure Ena would like. Additionally, they packed some interesting fabrics capable of making some basic yet cute accessories. And how could they forget board games? Everyone liked board games! While unpacking, Mizuki scanned the room, smiling as their eyes fell upon a simple microwave oven tucked under Ena's bed. That meant the two of them could make the popcorn Mizuki brought. Ena loved popcorn, as evident by how much she would hog it whenever they went to the movies together.

Once they finished unpacking the larger suitcases, Mizuki turned to the small carry-on bag. This one was super important, they hoped it had been kept upright during transit. Holding their breath, Mizuki opened the cardboard box within, revealing an almost pristine-looking cheesecake from Ena's favorite bakery. Mizuki was the one to recommend it to her, actually, but that didn't give them any special treatment with the bakers. They'd arrived at 6 AM and still weren't the first person in line!

Mizuki smiled as they closed the box. They found the small fridge under Ena's desk and opened it to make space for the cheesecake. While debating what to move around, their eyes fell on several plain-looking cans. They frowned upon recognizing the label. Beer, and quite a bit of it. What were these doing here? Ena didn't drink.

"Oi," a voice rang from the doorway, "what are you doing in there?"

Mizuki managed to keep themselves from jumping and placed the cheesecake box in the fridge, doing their best to block it. It was supposed to be a surprise.

"I was thirsty! Do you have any water?"

"There's a fountain in the hallway, I don't keep any in there. Here, you can use my water bottle."

Mizuki smiled, walking into the hallway and pretending to get some water. When they came back, Ena was looking in her fridge. Their heart sank, the diversion had been for nothing.

"What's this?" Ena asked, pointing at the box.

"You can't look!" Mizuki laughed, rushing over. She nudged Ena away, much to the latter's annoyance.

"Can you not do that please." her voice boomed.

Mizuki flinched,  startled by the forcefulness in her tone. Ena was always a bit touchy, but that was strong, even for her. Mizuki expected a playful punch, or a bop on the forehead, not an intense, cross-armed glare.

"Sorry," they recovered, "I'm just excited! I missed you!" 

They decide to push their luck with a hug, which also let them try to gauge where Ena's emotions were at. If she was going to flip out at them, better to get it over with now. Despite tensing up at first, Ena actually returned the hug. Somewhat. "Hug" might have been too strong a word, Ena was acting more like a tree than a person reunited with their best friend. It was a far cry from when she used to literally cling to Mizuki whenever a dog walked by. At least it was progress.

"I...missed you too," Ena formulated after some time.

Mizuki pulled away, feeling rejuvenated. Cracks were already forming in Ena's defenses, it was up to them to take advantage of them, something they considered to be one of their specialties.

"So I was thinking we could do something low-key tonight," Mizuki started, "I brought some board games. Ooo! Or maybe I can show you this new eyeliner I found! Or if you're not up for that we can-"

"Mizuki," Ena put up a hand, "not tonight. It's getting late. I'm tired."

"Oh," Mizuki said, that creeping feeling of dread beginning to seep in again, "I just thought that we could hang out like we used to. You know, like old times..."

Mizuki could have sworn they saw Ena wince as they spoke, but she quickly recomposed herself. She sighed, before looking back up at them, the faintest hint of a smile on her face.

"Don't worry, we have time," she whispered, "just not tonight, okay?"

Mizuki studied their former best friend in front of them. They once again couldn't keep their mind from running through their past experiences with the woman. Once upon a time, she wouldn't have considered going to bed before 3 AM. Now it was barely 10 PM. How times changed. How Ena had changed. Mizuki might have their work cut out for them. 

"Okay," they said, not trying to mask the disappointment present in their tone, "can we at least catch up a bit before bed? We haven't talked in forever."

"Ugh, you're as persistent as ever, you know that?" 

"Nope!" Mizuki beamed, "It's fun to get on your nerves."

"Whatever." Ena rolled her eyes but her shoulders relaxed a bit, "fine. I'll start. Are your grades better this year?"

"Ah, HaHa~"

Chapter Text

"...and then once you two are done recording, you can send it to me for the audio mixing. Yuki, you've been wanting to learn how it works too, right?"

"Yes."

"Perfect, I'll teach you how to do it while Amia and Enanan finish their drawing and video. Don't overwork yourselves, though, I know I'm asking a lot."

"We'll be fine," Ena says, her eyes haven't moved from the page in front of her, "but is there a reason why you only want us two singing this one?"

"Yeah!" Mizuki chips in, "You know how I feel about working with Ena~"

Ena glares at them at first, but then turns her attention to Mafuyu, as blank-faced as ever.

"And what's with these lyrics Mafuyu? Are you trying to imply something?"

"I didn't write them," Mafuyu says, "Kanade did."

"Eh? K!" Ena turns back to Kanade, "you wrote these?"

"Y-Yes," Kanade stutters, "is there anything wrong with them."

Ena's face flushes, it's easy to tell when it's the only splash of color in a sea of gray, "n-nothing! They're just a bit...um...."

"Raunchy?" Mizuki says.

"That's not what I was going to say," Ena scolds, "but...yea...you're not exactly wrong."

"Raunchy? What do you mean?"

"Ena has a dirty mind," Mafuyu says to no one in particular.

"I do  not ," she snaps,  "Amia's the one who said it, not me."

"But you're the one who brought it up in the first place," Mafuyu says, "you should think less about this and more about drawing, it might make you improve faster."

Mizuki can barely contain their laughter as Ena scowls at Mafuyu, her hands clenching into fists.

"That's enough from you, why are you coming after me today?"

"I didn't mean to be rude."

"Mhm."

"Wait, hang on!" Kanade is panicking now, "What's weird about the lyrics?"

"Nothing, K!" Ena says. The white-haired girl was an unintentional savant at resolving any tension stemming from Ena, "It's... well...some of these could be taken the wrong way....maybe."

"Which ones?"

"Um," she flashes a look of pity at Mizuki and clears her throat, "like here, when you want us to sing: C' mon, give me more love, make the pain go away. Presence, isn't the blood gushing out and spilling continuously?" She looks back up at K, "Do you see how that might be taken the wrong way."

"O-Oh," Kanade says as her pale face flushes red, "yeah, I guess so."

"But it's not a big deal!" Ena reassures her, "The song is great, right Mizuki?"

"Yup! One hundred percent!" Mizuki says, "Like Mafuyu says, Ena just has a dirty mind."

"Shut up."

"Oooo...maybe she puts on this cold exterior because she secretly harbors some indecent desires."

"What are you even talking about? I said shut up!"

"Maybe she's projecting what she wants done to her," Mafuyu says, "it makes sense since no one approaches her now, not with how many sweets she's been eating."

"Ouch!" Mizuki laughs, "As cruel as ever Yuki!"

"What did I say?"

Mizuki laughs again, looking to Ena as they expect her to return the jab in earnest. It never comes though. She's motionless. Her hands are balled into fists and her jaw is tightly clenched. Her lip quivers and Mizuki can't tell if it's out of anger, or something else.

And then it's gone. Mizuki blinks a few times and it's just Ena, wearing the plastered expression of annoyance Miizuki always found so endearing. 

"Whatever, let's get started on this, come on Mizuki."

"Huh? Oh, right!" Mizuki says. They scamper after Ena who is already heading towards a quiet corner of Sekai. Somewhere behind them, Miku is asking Kanade what it means to have a "dirty mind." They do their best to ignore it, funny as it may be.

"Hey," they say as they catch up to Ena, "everything good?"

"Hm?" Ena says, "yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"You looked angry back there."

"I'm  always  angry, aren't I?"

"No, not like that. You looked like, ANGRY angry, not just Ena angry."

"Glad to hear there's a difference," Ena sighs, "I'm fine, you're imagining things."

"Are you sure..."

"Drop it Mizuki," Ena says. She forced a smile, "It's my job to worry about you, not the other way around, got it?"

"Y-yeah," Mizuki says, "got it."

****

The room is empty when Mizuki wakes up. From the floor futon, they can make out the crisp sheets and blankets lying untouched over the mattress. Ena was nowhere in sight.

They sit up, groaning as their back makes sounds they weren't aware vertebrae could make. They hadn't slept on the floor in a while, and their body wasn't used to firm support, or rather, lack thereof. Since Ena was absent, they turned to their phone in search of answers.  Sure enough, a single unopened message waits for them on the lock screen.

Went for a run. I'll bring back breakfast.

Huh, that was new. Since when did Ena run, or exercise at all? They vaguely remembered her and Kanade going for exhibitions at Spojoy Park back in high school. Had she kept up with it? 

Well, without her, there wasn't much to do, so Mizuki decided to keep themselves busy by perusing Ena's room. They didn't have much of a chance to last night, what with Ena going to bed early and all, and they were curious to see what fun things Ena might be hiding.

They started with her desk, which was empty except for a standard black notebook and mechanical pencil. Briefly flipping through the pages revealed some notes for what Mizuki guessed was a science course. It puzzled them at first until they remembered students were required to take a select number of extra courses outside their field of study. Ena was majoring in art - to their knowledge at least - so she had probably taken this in addition to her studio courses.

They closed the notebook, blowing a raspberry as they tried to identify anything else of interest. Ena's bookcase was much more full than they anticipated. Various books on drawing and painting techniques were interspersed with thick textbooks, works of fiction, and even some poetry. Right, they remembered now, Ena was a closeted bookworm in high school, using the more conceptual and atmospheric works as inspiration for her painting. It was nice to see she was keeping up with it. At least something remained consistent.

A smaller shelving unit sat next to the bookcase, a perfect square split into four smaller ones. Most of the space was taken up by boring things, school supplies, utensils, and paper goods, but something on top of the bookcase caught Mizuki's eye: a singular photo in a black frame. Squinting in the dim light, Mizuki realized it was a picture of Ena and Airi. They were both smiling, standing together on top of what they presumed to be a mountain. The forests and sky stretched for miles behind them. Judging by the looks of it, it had been pretty recent. 

It was a sweet picture. It made sense why Ena would want to have it framed. Still, looking at it made Mizuki's heart sink. The two of them had taken countless pictures together, why hadn't Ena put any of them in her room...

They shook their head. they were overthinking things. Maybe. 

Mizuki sighed, plopping themselves on Ena's bed and resting their head in their hands. What happened? The two of them were inseparable as recently as half a year ago. If they weren't at school, work, or sleeping, there was a 90% chance they were together - and even the previous caveats weren't always excluded. They had been so happy during that time. 

It was after all the drama; after they finally took out the metaphorical trash that had been haunting their collective brains. Mafuyu was saved, Kanade's father was doing better, Ena got accepted into art school, and Mizuki's big secret was out to the world. For a short, blissful time, there were no hardships, no distress, and no tears. Sure, Ena's relationship with her family was still strained, but that was a far cry from what she was dealing with before. Besides, when it was too much for her to handle, she'd simply spend the night at Mizuki's instead of being plagued by the horrors alone in her room.

What had changed?

Mizuki placed their fist on their chin and tried to think. More specifically, they tried to think of anything that might have caused Ena to start acting the way she was. It wasn't graduating high school, Mizuki remembered how relieved she'd been to get it over with. Nightcord disbanding might have had something to do with it, but Mizuki's relationship with her hadn't noticeably deteriorated in the aftermath of that decision. It was only a month later that Mizuki realized something was amiss, and by that point, it was too late, Ena was already in Hokkaido.

They furrowed their brow, a tightness building in their chest. Why couldn't they figure out what was going on? They knew Ena more than anyone and were pretty sure the opposite also held true. They were supposed to be best friends, each other's closest companions, and maybe more. Stuff like this wasn't supposed to happen when you had a relationship that close.

Maybe that was the problem, maybe they didn't have a close relationship anymore.

No, Mizuki thought, smacking their head a few too many times and a bit too hard, get that crap out of your mind.

Mizuki had come here with a single goal: to bring Ena home. Not to literally bring her home back to Tokyo, though that was always an option, but to at least start communicating with her again like they always used to. And to the others, if at all possible; Mizuki wasn't the only one who missed her. Kanade was always asking them if they knew what she was up to, Mafuyu wanted to talk to her last they heard, and Akito was worried (in his own way) that his troubled sister hadn't reached out in months. Hell, even An wanted to see her, going so far as to clear out one of the offices at Weekend Garage for Ena to stay in if she liked. They'd met like, a dozen times tops. How Ena was able to have that effect on people was a mystery Mizuki doubted they'd ever solve.

Mizuki rolled their neck back and forth, trying to forget they slept on the floor for ten hours. After once again wincing at the cracking sounds emanating from it, their eyes fell on one last potential secret. It hadn't caught their eye before, but there was a drawer in one of the smaller shelf compartments. Mizuki hopped off the bed and walked over it, their mind racing at what (likely mundane) possessions Ena kept hidden away. Their hand hovered over the handle...

"Oh, you're up," Ena said as she walked in the door. 

"Yup!" Mizuki yelped, pretending they were in the middle of an elaborate stretching routine, "good morning!"

Ena eyed them with skepticism but didn't mention anything. She placed her keys in a small bowl adjacent to the door and emptied her pockets, tossing a protein bar toward Mizuki without warning.

"The dining halls are closed for break," she explained, "maybe we can buy some things to cook with today or tomorrow."

"Ew, it's sweaty."

"Sorry, I'll try not to drink water next time."

It was at this point Mizuki's nerves subsided enough for them to actually look at Ena. Despite how cold it was outside, she was dressed in nothing more than black running shorts and a bright green tank top. A black strap was around her bicep, containing what appeared to be a step or distance tracker in a thin plastic sleeve. She was drenched in sweat, her pale skin glowing in the soft morning light glistening through the windows. It took everything Mizuki had to not gawk at her for twenty minutes.

"What?" Ena asked. Mizuki hadn't been as subtle as they thought, or maybe Ena was just super perceptive.

"Nothing!" They manage to blurt out, "I just didn't know you ran now, or exercised at all actually!"

Ena closed her eyes and pursed her lips. Mizuki heard her take an audible breath before her face returned to normal.

"Yeah."

"So what now?" Mizuki asked, "What should we do today?"

"I need to shower."

"Is that going to take  all  day?"

"No," Ena admitted. She grimaced as the watchband she removed left a dark red mark on her arm, "but I'm not doing anything crazy. Not in this weather. I wanted to paint today, too."

"Perfect!" Mizuki exclaimed. They raced over to one of their activity boxes, removing the cases of make-up they brought, "we can try these on! I've been saving this lipstick for you for months."

Ena frowned, "I don't know Mizuki, I'm not really in the mood."

"What?" Mizuki's face fell, "you used to love it when we did each other's make-up. Remember that one time when I tried to give you a smoky eye? Oh, you were so upset with me!"

A light smile caresses Ena's face but disappears as quickly as it forms. 

She's trying to avoid it again.

"Please..." Mizuki pleaded. Their voice was shaky and the word formed on their lips before they were conscious of it, "I came all this way to see you and it's like you don't even want me here."

"It's not that, Mizuki," Ena winced, "it's just..."

Mizuki holds their breath, watching as the woman mulls over her words. This could be it. 

"Alright," she said after a long pause. Her gaze softened and a smile reached her eyes for the first time since Mizuki arrived, "for a bit, after I shower."

"Okay," Mizuki responded, a sliver of disappointment present in their voice. They had given up on trying to obscure it any longer.

"No smoky eyes though," Ena added as she opened the door, "you haven't regained my trust yet."

"Hah, fine!" Mizuki called back. They watched as Ena disappeared into the hallway, listening to the sound of her flip-flops getting quieter. They groaned and fell back onto Ena's bed, closing their eyes.

You haven't regained my trust yet.

Did she have to phrase it like that?

****

Mizuki kept to their promise: No smoky eyes.

The make-up session went well, much to Mizuki's surprise. It was a bit more awkward than how they remembered it, and it took Ena a while to warm up. But by the time they were done, Mizuki could make out ghosts of their previous relationship. Ena even liked the lipstick they picked out for her, opting to keep it on after they had finished. Mizuki should have been happy, overjoyed at the prospect of things returning to normal with Ena.

Instead, they're alone in her room again.

Ena had gone off to paint. Mizuki couldn't really blame her for that, it was her major after all. But she hadn't let them come with her.

"They don't allow guests in the studio," she explained, "sorry, but I don't want to risk getting us both thrown out of here."

That seemed like a stretch, but Mizuki got the message. As they kept telling themselves, they needed to be patient. Ena would let her guard down, it was only a matter of time. It would be any day now, they just had to wait...

....

....

Yeah, no.

Mizuki sprung up from Ena's desk chair. They had to do something. Ena left them a key to the dorms so they could venture into Sapporo if they wished. Their initial plan was to wait for Ena and force her to come out as well, but she was taking too long. That should have been expected, Mizuki remembered the flow state she'd go into whenever she muted her microphone to draw. Mizuki scooped up the keys and got ready to leave. While wondering what activities could possibly exist on a weeknight for a high-schooler, their eyes fell on Ena's bed once again. Something about it was bugging them. It was so neat, so clean, so uncluttered. It was missing something...

Oh!

With newfound resolve, or perhaps desperation, they ran down the dormitory stairs and out into the winter air. They realized within seconds that Ena hadn't been kidding about the weather. The tip of Mizuki's nose was numb in an instant as the layout of the college campus acted like a wind tunnel, redirecting the frigid air directly into their face. They began to have second thoughts about their little adventure. Was this really worth it? The brief mental image of Ena returning to her dorm shivering from the cold was enough to remove any doubt in their head. They pulled one of their gloves off and typed an address into the maps app on their phone, counting their lucky stars that it was only a ten-minute walk away.

Walking turned out to be effective at keeping their blood pumping, and they reached their destination without much issue. Now came the hard part. They closed out of their maps app and navigated to their contacts. The phone rang...

"Hi Mizuki!" An's cheerful voice rang out over the phone, "What's going on?"

"An! Emergency, I need your help!"

"Oh, no. What's wrong?"

"Is Toya with you right now? I need his advice."

An, as well as another "mysterious" third party, giggled over the phone "No, he's training with Akito right now. Is it serious? I can probably flag him down."

"Ah, oh well," Mizuki said, "that's too bad."

"What's the problem?" An asked, "Kohane and I might be able to hel- oh Kohane says hi by the way."

"Hi, Akiyama!" Kohane's muffled voice yelled over the phone.

"Alright, that'll do, give me one sec!" 

Mizuki hung up before An could prod them with any more questions and redialed her, this time using the video chat feature. They were greeted with An's sour face, and they had to do everything in their power not to liken her to Ena.

"You could have warned me you know," An pouted. Mizuki didn't pay her any attention, they were too busy waving to Kohane.

"Okay, important decision you two," Mizuki turned the camera around to face an endless wall of stuffed animals, "what plushie should I get Ena?"

"What?  That's  your emergency?"

"Yes! This is serious! There is a  plushie  store a stone's throw from her dorm, and she has not a  single  one in her room .  This will not do."

"I guess that's why they wanted to talk to Toya," Kohane chimed in, "he's knowledgeable about stuffed animals, that's for sure!"

"Yeah, well he's not here," An said, Mizuki heard her crack her knuckles over the phone, "so it's up to us. Come on Kohane, with our powers combined we'll be able to pick out the best possible plushie for Ena!"

****

Fifteen minutes later, the three of them had narrowed it down to three choices.

Naturally, An was quite fond of the hampster plushs. Kohane was fond of the snake plushies because of course she was. Ena, in Mizuki's expert opinion, would not have been fond of either of those, so they had done their best to let them down gently. They stashed the ones the two of them liked in their shopping basket, however. There was plenty of room in their luggage for souvenirs.

"Okay, so you're down to the pink kitty, the blue dog, and a squid?" Kohane asked.

"It's an octopus!" Mizuki explained, "Octopuses are artistic! I think. Plus look at the purple fabric on it, it's soooo cute~."

"Right...and we're the weird ones," An smirked.

"Fine, I agree it's a strange animal to make a plushie of, I'll take it out of the running."

"Now that you mention it, why is the dog in the picture anyway?" An asked, "Ena hates dogs, she's terrified of them, isn't she?"

"I swear how do you know so much about her?"

"What do you mean!" An's voice perked up, "I love Ena!"

"You've  barely met  her."

"Whaat? That's not true! She's our cool big sister! Much nicer than Akito! Right Kohane?"

"Ah-ah..."

"Whatever, in regards to the dog," Mizuki interrupted, saving Kohane from an unfortunate fate, "she doesn't like real dogs, but I'm sure she can handle a stuffed one. Plus, it might be fun to give her a scare!"

They smile waiting for An and Kohane to reply. Neither of them do.

"You know, a little joke."

The silence continued to echo through their earbuds.

"An?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea right now?" She says, her voice low and deliberate.

"Huh?" Mizuki asked, confused, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're seeing her for the first time in what, three, four months? Wouldn't it be better to buy her something more heartfelt than meanspirited?"

"Meanspirited? What are you talking about? We tease each other all the time."

"You used to tease each other all the time," An said, "where did that get you?"

The words strike them in the gut, leaving Mizuki floundering and off-balance. They're sharp, cutting any other thought they were having cleanly in half. They hadn't expected to hear An speak to them so bluntly. It caught them off-guard.

"I think what An-chan's trying to say," Kohane's skittish voice said, "is that it might be good to show Ena that you care about her before you start messing with her. That way she knows you're just kidding around."

"I..." Mizuki paused, "I hadn't thought about it like that."

"You obviously know her better than both of us," An says, her voice reverting to its usual chipper tone, "but it's just something to keep in mind."

"No, you two make good points," Mizuki said, "I think I'll go with the cat."

"Yay!" An cheered, "That one was my favorite, anyways! It reminds me of the time Kohane and I matched Halloween costumes!"

"Hehe, An-chan that tickles!"

Mizuki forces a smile. They're grateful for the help the two of them provided, but they'd be lying if they said hearing this didn't fill them with an immense sense of longing. And loneliness.

Mizuki thanked them for their assistance and was about to hang up when An interrupted them.

"Hey, Mizuki," she said, "do you think she's going to come back?"

Mizuki sighed, "Hard to tell. She's changed An...and I don't know why, or what caused it to happen in the first place."

"Is it a bad change?"

"Doesn't seem like it, not so far at least," Mizuki replied, "but it's definitely a change."

An whispered, "I hope it works out. For her sake and yours. Remember, if she's weirded out about staying with you for whatever reason we still have the extra room at Weekend Garage. My dad won't tell her parents, he's good about that. Akito's filled him in too."

"Thanks, An. Tell them both I said thanks," Mizuki said,  "I'll do my best."

"And if it doesn't work out," An continued, "are you going to be okay?"

Mizuki didn't respond at first. They wouldn't have considered that as a possibility a few days ago, but it was looking like more and more of an option as time passed.

"I don't know An," they searched for something, anything to say to fill the vacuum of silence.

"I don't know."

****

Darkness had blanketed the campus for more than a while by the time Mizuki returned to Ena's dorm. They planned to go straight back after purchasing the plushies, but their stomach had other ideas. A quick stop at a pop-up fry stand had satisfied that urge. They could have been eating healthier, but they were technically on vacation, weren't they?

The bag of plushes felt heavy in their hands as the elevator moved upwards at a snail's pace. They went with the cat plush in the end, plus the two for An and Kohane as thanks for their help and an eleventh-hour purchase while at the counter.  The whole time, they couldn't shake the words that An had told them over the phone.

You used to tease each other all the time, and where did that get you?

They had initially wanted to brush off the comment. That clearly wasn't what caused Ena to disassociate from them. They'd been best friends for over two years! If it had bothered her, it would have come up at some point. Right?

But then they got thinking about it, and it wasn't long before the dread began to seep in. Mizuki always presumed the teasings went both ways, but it was hard to argue that Mizuki was fairly one-sided about it more often than not. It was always playful in their mind, but was it possible Ena took it the wrong way?

Mizuki always cared for Ena. They deeply cared for Ena, well before all the complex feelings set in. They always thought they made that apparent, either through small presents, phone calls, impromptu shopping trips, or a passing graze of her arm. Even the teasing was intended to show they cared, it wasn't like they'd act like that to Mafuyu or Kanade. 

Mafuyu and Kanade...

Mizuki's heart rate jumped. Maybe An was onto something after all.

They quickened their pace as the elevator doors opened. Their stomach was in knots, and they couldn't help but think Ena would be gone if they took too long to return to her dorm. It was an irrational fear of course, but knowing that didn't do much to calm Mizuki's brain. Their hands were shaking as they turned the key to the room, terrified at what they might find. 

But when they opened the door, it was just Ena.

Just Ena.

She raised an eyebrow at them, "You actually went out?"

"Yup!" Mizuki said, reaffixing their emotional mask and prancing into the room, "it's freezing outside!"

"Don't have to tell me twice," Ena said. She held up her arms, revealing they were fully red from being exposed to the cold; the jacket she had taken wasn't very thick.

"Are you okay?" Mizuki asked. In another life, they'd jump on her to warm her up, but her reaction from sudden physical contact last night made them think twice.

Ena shrugged, "I'm fine, just cold." She nodded towards the bag, "do some shopping?"

"Hehe," Mizuki cackled, "I got you a present!"

"What?"

"That's right, Enanan, I bet you didn't expect this!"

"Mizuki..." She sighed.

With a mischievous look on their face, Mizuki held up the bag, "Alright, close your eyes, no peeking!"

Ena rolled her eyes, but obeyed, patiently holding her arms out to receive her gift. Mizuki removed the plushie from the bag and gently lowered it into the woman's hands.

"Can I open my eyes now?"

"Not yet!" Mizuki reached into the bag and pulled out the eleventh-hour plushie: an exact copy of Ena's, except in brown. "Alright, now you can!"

Ena sluggishly opened her eyes, looking down at the goofy cat plush that she was now indebted to.

"None of your plushies are here!" Mizuki exclaimed, "I had to get you a stand-in! And look!" They held up the brown cat, "We match!"

Ena didn't say anything, her eyes were fixed on the toy in her hands as if she were trying to find the words to describe it. Mizuki felt their breath stop, what if she didn't like it? 

"Wouldn't it make more sense for you to have the pink one?" She finally said, "On account of your hair?"

"Of course not! You can't base a plushie on yourself! Haven't you ever traded plushies before?"

"Have  you ? Is that even a thing?"

"That's beside the point," they waved their hand away, "besides, I like this one. It reminds me of you."

Ena eyed them with suspicion, "Why's that?"

A million different responses popped into Mizuki's brain at once. Ena had unintentionally set them up to make a very funny joke, and the sheer range of options possible was enough to make them almost salivate. Before they can choose what to say, however, An's words invade their brain once again, and they realize the best thing to say is what they thought of first.

"Just look at her," Mizuki started, smiling at the plushie as they spoke, "She looks dependable, and always ready to comfort me if I'm feeling down. Not to mention, look how cute she is!"

It doesn't even register to Mizuki that they said the last part out loud until they witness Ena's face turn almost as red as the rest of her body. To be fair to her, it wasn't like Mizuki was faring much better.

"Anyway," they cleared their throat, "I just thought of you when I saw it. If you don't like it, I can always return it. I know you always had a soft spot for plushies..."

"No," Ena coughed, "I like it. Thank you Mizuki, this was thoughtful of you. I'll be sure to get you something before you leave."

An explanation would be nice.

"Just so you know," Ena interrupted their thoughts, "I am happy you're here. I'm sorry I've been a bit distant. We should go shopping tomorrow. Providing it's not 10 degrees out again, of course."

"I'd like that," Mizuki's face beamed, "maybe we can get some real food too! I've had enough protein for a month!"

"That's...not how that works," Ena said, her lips curving upwards, "but sure, that sounds nice, there are some good spots around here-"

As if on cue, Ena's stomach growled. A look of bewilderment crossed her face before it reverted to the dark red hue from seconds prior.

"I haven't eaten much today," she said sheepishly.

Mizuki's face curled into a grin, "do I have just the thing for you!"

They floated to the fridge, removing the cardboard box within and opening it in front of Ena with a performative flare. 

"cheesecake..." Ena mumbled.

"It's from your favorite bakery!"

"Well," Ena debated, "I guess I can have a piece..."

"You just said you haven't eaten today," Mizuki said, "you're having much more than one.:

They twirled around in a circle, lowering the box onto Ena's desk before continuing around to face her. They paused, and gingerly extended their arms towards her, silently beckoning her towards a familiar grasp.

"I'm happy I'm here too," they whispered.

It's still, for a moment. The wispy winter wind bellowed against the grimy windows, but it all sounded far away. The subtle scent of cream cheese and strawberries tickled their noses, taunting them to partake in a late-night snack. All the while, Mizuki held their breath, awaiting Ena's next move with dreaded anticipation.

She stepped forward, still holding the pink plushie. Without a word, she walked into their grasp, lightly laying their hand atop Mizuki's shoulder. Mizuki closes their arms, embracing Ena as a relieved smile spreads across their face. They shut their eyes, taking in the moment, along with the nostalgia.

Hang in there Ena.

,,,

Hang in there.

Chapter Text

It's hard for Mizuki to keep their eyes open by the time they reach the top of the staircase. It's still dark out with the tip of the sun just peeking over the horizon. Despite that, plenty of people still surround them, awaiting daylight to break on a new year. They begin to weave their way through the crowd using the edge of the path as a guide. It eventually disperses, yielding a breathtaking view of the stirring city below. Their eyes dart around, trying to recognize any of the figures spread out on the grass. Even in the dim light, their eyes finally fall upon the familiar silhouette they were searching for. Mizuki shakes themselves awake and jogs over to join their friend.

"Enaaa!" They yelled, plopping themselves on the ground next to her, "There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"

"Huh?" Ena replied, "Why? I figured you and the others would have gone home by now."

"Kanade and Mafuyu left about an hour ago, but I wouldn't miss this! We can only see the sunrise on the new year  once  a year!!"

"Gee, a real ground-breaking revelation you made there," Ena remarked, "but fine. I guess you can stay. It might be nice to have company."

Mizuki blows a raspberry in her ear, darting their eyes around to see if there's anything of interest that may have drawn Ena to this spot in the first place. There's surprisingly little, aside from the admittedly gorgeous view in front of them. They steal a glance at Ena, trying to decipher if she's tired or not. It doesn't look like it; her eyes are as sharp as ever even in the darkness.

"Why did you come up here anyway?" Mizuki asked, stretching their legs on the grass in front of them, "I would have thought you'd rather hang out by the shrine with Airi and try to barter for some of the accessories people were making."

"I'm not that vain you, know," Ena glared, "and for your information, I happen to like this view. I was hoping I could show it to Rin, but there are too many people around. I've actually come here to paint it a couple of times."

"Whoa, really? You never told me about that! I want to see!"

"You...can't" Ena said sheepishly, "I destroyed the canvases when I quit painting the first time."

"Aw," Mizuki pouted, "well, I guess that just means you'll have to come back!"

"Yeah..." Ena reaffixed their gaze on the cityscape below, "Maybe."

"Hey," Mizuki said, concern welling in their voice, "Are you okay? You seem off."

"It's 6:00 AM and I've been awake for twenty hours. Of course I'm off."

"Not that," Mizuki pushed, "come on, talk to me."

Ena sighed, rubbing her forehead, "It's nothing. I'm just thinking about how this might be my last time here, that's all."

"What?!" Mizuki exclaimed, "Ena what are you talking about?"

"Relax, I didn't mean it like that," Ena said, "it's just...if everything goes well I'll be in art school by this time next year. I'm obviously not good enough to get into Tokyo, so I'll probably be far away from here."

" Oh..."  Mizuki said, leaning back again, "Don't scare me like that..."

The two of them are quiet for long enough for the mid-winter cold to begin settling in. But it's not the comfortable quietness that Mizuki is used to. Not the kind that occurs whenever Ena stays over their house after a bad night, or the kind present when she comforts them after a rough day at school. No, this silence is tense, awkward, and full of finality.

"You'll still come visit, right?" They eventually say.

Ena recoils a bit at the question, making Mizuki nervous. She stares at them for a few seconds before answering.

"Yeah, of course," she replied, "I have to make sure you don't get into trouble, don't I? I certainly can't trust Akito to do it."

Mizuki smiled, feeling their body relax. They're lucid, despite their exhaustion, and are profoundly aware of where they are and who they're with. Everything vanishes in that moment. It's just them, the sunrise, and Ena. Their body moves before their brain can, and they find themselves leaning on the brown-haired girl, barely letting their shoulders touch. Much to their surprise, Ena doesn't shoo them off and instead loops her arm around Mizuki's, gently resting her head on their shoulder.

"Hey," she whispered, "do you think people can change?"

"Where is  that  coming from?"

"Please just answer."

"You mean like with New Year resolutions?" Mizuki asked, "Sure they can! This year I'm going to fix my sleep schedule! And I'm finally going to learn how to swallow granular meds without choking!"

"You're not supposed to tell anyone, dummy," Ena said, "now it's not going to happen."

"Eh?? Ena, you set me up!"

"Hush," Ena said, she closes her eyes, "but I didn't mean it like that. I meant more generally."

"Oh..." they responded, "like with Mafuyu..."

She doesn't respond.

"I guess so," they said, "but I don't know if they ever fully change. It's hard to leave parts of yourself behind for good."

"I see..."

It's quiet again, though this time it's closer to that usual warm sensation they'd gotten used to over the months. But something still seems off to Mizuki, there's something that's not being said, something that shouldn't be said.  They try to steer away from it and lighten the mood.

"Hey," they said, "that thing about resolutions, you're thinking of wishing on a shooting star, aren't you? You're not supposed to tell people your wish. Plenty of people post their New Year resolutions online."

"What?" Ena's confused voice said, "No they don't?"

"Of course they do, didn't you ever write them down as a back-to-school project when you were younger?"

Ena sat up, staring at Mizuki. Her face morphs from one of annoyance to confusion, and finally, realization as it noticeably blushes in the dim light.

"Shut up."

"Aha!" Mizuki teased, "Gotcha!"

"Congratulations, I'm sure you can't wait to tell everyone how much of a fool Ena Shinonome is."

"Maybe not this time," Mizuki says, tilting their head to rest on top of Ena's, "this time can be our little secret."

They can feel Ena smile in the dark as her body unwinds. Their heart flutters as they think about how close she is, and how warm she feels.

"Can you stay with me for a bit?" She whispers, "I don't want to be alone."

Mizuki doesn't respond, not verbally. They instead reach for Ena's hand in the dark, interweaving their fingers between hers. The below-freezing temperature goes unnoticed by the two of them as the sun rises over the new year.  How could they notice it? They're too focused on the warmth radiating from each other's hands.

*****

Mizuki is covered in sweat when they wake up, though it's unclear if it's from the radiator in Ena's room or the vividness of the dream they had. That night, on New Year's...why were they remembering it now?

A moment of panic sets in as they remember where they are. They snapped their gaze up to Ena's bed which they expected to be empty. To their relief, it's occupied by a familiar someone.

"Ah, sorry," Ena said. She looked up from her phone and frowned, "it gets really hot in here sometimes. I don't know how to fix the heating."

"It's fine," Mizuki responded. 

They stood up from the futon, counting how many pops and cracks their vertebrae produced today compared to yesterday. Ena cringed from the bed.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Of course! You know me, I love sleeping on the floor!"

Ena hopped off the bed and bent down to inspect the futon. A look of horror passed over her face as she sprang back up.

"Mizuki! Why didn't you tell me it felt like this? It's like you were sleeping on the ground." 

"I was sleeping on the ground," Mizuki said, "is it supposed to feel any better?"

"They usually have some spring in them," Ena explained, "this one does too, but I guess it's been sitting in storage for too long." 

She looked at Mizuki with pity in her eyes, "I'll figure something else out for you tonight, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, my back feels fine!" Mizuki lied, "More importantly, is there a shower I can use? I'm a little....sweaty."

Ena nodded. She reached under her bed and handed Mizuki a towel, "down the hallway, third door on the right."

"Thanks!" 

They took the towel from Ena's hands and skipped to the door. As they opened it, that persistent feeling of dread that had been coursing through their body all week began to seep in again. They paused.

"Ena," they said, "you're still up for shopping later, right?"

"Yeah..." She takes a few seconds to respond, "There's a few spots I think you'd like."

Her tone wasn't super convincing, but it was an affirmation nonetheless. Mizuki turned and smiled at her before exiting her room on their adventure to find the showers. As they ventured through the hallway, the memory of New Year's repeated itself over and over in Mizuki's head. Why? What was going on with Ena back then? Were there warning signs for her disappearance that went unnoticed? The questions she had asked Mizuki were a little odd to be sure, but they had always chalked it up to Ena being worried about Mafuyu. At that moment, however, a worrying alternative crossed their mind. What if Ena hadn't been talking about Mafuyu's ability to change at all?

What if she had been talking about herself?

***

"Whatt?? Ena! Come on!"

"No Mizuki," Ena grunted, doing her best to not get smushed by the pick-haired fiend in front of her, "I'm not trying it on!"

"What do you mean! You have to!" Mizuki exclaimed, "Don't you know how hard it is to find stuff in this color? And look at where the collar comes up to, it would look perfect on you!"

"You're just saying that," Ena countered, "I can't pull off a peacoat."

Mizuki frowned, "of course you can! Oooh and if you layer it with this sweater and unbutton the top it'll be so cute. Pleaaseeee..."

They flashed their best puppy-dog eyes at Ena, doing their best to will her into trying on the outfit, which they genuinely believed would fit her nicely.

"Ugh," Ena groaned, "Fine, but after this we're going. It's getting late and you still want to get dinner, don't you?"

"Last one, promise!" Mizuki said, prompting them to almost shove Ena into the dressing room, "Come out when you're done, I wanna see!"

Ena gave an exasperated grunt, but locked the dressing room door regardless. Mizuki sat back on the bench inside the room, satisfied with themselves.

The shopping day had thus far been successful. Mizuki hadn't realized how much they missed having a partner who at least had comparable knowledge about accessorizing. The two had been to almost a dozen stores throughout the day, leaving Mizuki with a third as many shopping bags. They had to make a conscious decision to stop themselves from buying more; their dedicated "souvenir case" was rapidly approaching capacity. If they kept shopping at this rate, the hampster and snake inside it would suffocate.

There was one problem, however, and that of course had to do with Ena: she hadn't bought a single thing the entire time they were out. She'd been plenty into it, commenting on interesting pieces of clothing and helping Mizuki pick out outfits of their own, but Ena hadn't even tried on anything. It was yet another reason for Mizuki to worry, something they seemed to be doing a lot these days. They were hoping they could tempt Ena with this particular combo, and had a backup accessory if needed.

Still, this had been productive. While maybe not as talkative (or opinionated) as her usual self, Mizuki had gotten Ena to open up throughout the day and answer some of their questions. They learned that Ena was alone in the dorms, an accommodation made for her after she lied about having no place to go for the holidays. She was working a part-time job at a craft store, which along with a sizeable scholarship was helping her pay for college in the first place. And she was majoring in art - much to Mizuki's relief -  they wouldn't have known what to do if Ena had given that up again.

She also didn't have a partner, though it wasn't like Mizuki cared about that. At least, that's what they kept telling themselves.

All things considered, they had learned more about Ena's situation today, which was about all they could ask for. They felt like they were closing in on something, but couldn't quite figure out what. They just had to keep pushing...keep poking...

Mizuki's thoughts were interrupted by an employee walking over to them, "Have you been able to find everything okay?"

"Yes! I'm just waiting for my friend to try something on," Mizuki responded, and then in a lower tone, "I'm trying to convince her to buy it."

"Ah, well I like your odds. All the times she's been here and I think you're the first person to convince her to try something on."

"Oh," Mizuki said. They did their best to keep themselves from frowning, "you've seen her in here before?"

"Ah, yes!" The employee responded, "She'll come in here once a week with some other girls, I think they all go to school together. They'll usually spend an hour trying different stuff on," the employee pointed at the changing room, "Not her though!"

"Huh," Mizuki said.

"So chin up!" The employee said as they walked away, "You might be the first to get her to break!"

Mizuki didn't respond. Their mind was returning to the frantic state it had been in for the majority of the trip.

Ena has other friends?

It shouldn't surprise them. It wasn't like they expected Ena not to branch out in college. But it was still weird to think about. Mizuki was always the one Ena went shopping with. They were the one who convinced Ena to try on new clothes that were out of her comfort zone. They were always the one that would spend an hour trying on new things.

Not these other people. Not these strangers.

Mizuki shook their head. They were being selfish. Ena was entitled to have other friends. In fact, it put Mizuki at ease knowing that she wasn't completely alone up here. But something about it still didn't sit right with them. The image of Ena shopping and laughing with these new friends for the last three months while Mizuki hadn't even been able to get a text out of her, they didn't like it. It wasn't fair.

No, they thought, I'm here with her now. That's all that matters.

That was right. Focus on the mission. They'd been enjoying themselves so much throughout the day that they almost forgotten why they were here in the first place. They needed to make sure Ena came home, that was priority number one. They could work out the logistics of making a ten-hour commute once a week to go shopping with her afterward. Satisfied, they turned their attention back to the dressing room door, where Ena had been stalling for the last minute.

"I don't want to show you,"  she murmured from inside.

"You have to! Come on!" Mizuki prodded, "I need to see if I'm still a fashion visionary!"

She didn't respond for a few seconds, "It doesn't look good on me..."

"I can already tell you that's not true," Mikzuki responded. They gave a playful pull on the locked dressing room door, "Come on, Ena. When have I ever steered you wrong?"

They heard her sigh on the other side of the door, and then the click of the lock as it slowly swung open. She was wearing a light brown peacoat with an oversized collar. It accentuated her face perfectly, leaving her looking dignified and refined. Underneath, however, she wore a cream-colored sweater, reminiscent of her go-to uniform back in high school. It was oversized and puffy, intended to keep her comfortable and toasty during the Hokkaido winters. She looked at Mizuki, shifting her weight back and forth, who for their part was doing everything in their power to not embrace her in a feathery hug.

"See," Ena whispered, "I look like crap in it."

"What?!" Mizuki ran up to her, fiddling with the different parts of the fabric, "Look at the shape here, it suits you perfectly! And the sweater! You can't tell me it doesn't feel like a cup of hot cocoa by the fireplace. And I've got just the thing to top it off!"

They reached back to the bench and picked up the accessory they had earlier hidden from Ena: a fluffy pair of earmuffs. They stepped forward, smiling at Ena as they affixed them on her. They gave her a pat on the head and spun her around to face the mirror.

"I'm the best, aren't I?"

She almost smiled, almost. It looked like she might have, but she instead looked down, not meeting her reflection in the mirror.

"I don't know Mizuki, I don't know if I can pull this one off..."

" Look  at yourself, girl. You're killing it!"

"I don't have the body type for it," she whispered, "not anymore."

"What are you saying, Ena?" Mizuki frowned, "Someone didn't tell you that, did they?"

She didn't respond, instead letting her gaze path back to herself in the mirror. She prodded at the fabric of the coat, fidgeting with bits of the fabric and undoing and redoing the buttons. This wasn't the first time Mizuki had seen Ena act like this, it would come up at seemingly random times when they were still in high school. It still didn't hurt them any less watching her be this uncomfortable, though. She looked stunning, why couldn't she see that?

"Here," Mizuki said, their voice less energized now and more gentle, "what if we button the collar like this?"

They stepped forward and gripped each side of the collar, pulling them together and lacing a silver button through them such that now only the top of the sweater was peeking out.

"There. You lose the texture of the sweater, but the outer layer is tighter now and shows off your figure." They smiled at Ena, "But I really don't think you should worry about that. I think you look great in anything."

"Mizuki..." Ena sighed. Her cheeks turned the color of rose petals.

"Trust me, Ena," they said, "you look beautiful."

Ena winced at the comment and again refocused their attention on the mirror. She continued to fidget with the fabric, but with a more affable intent. Mizuki watched as she tugged at the collar, undoing the button that they fastened beforehand. She sighed again and turned back to Mizuki with a narrow smile.

"It  is  a nice color." 

She motioned to her sides, "Would I be able to take this in a bit? Make the mid-section a bit tighter."

"I could do it for you!" Mizuki exclaimed, "You can bring it with you next time you come home and we can go to that sewing cafe together!"

Ena remained quiet. She studied herself for a few more seconds in the mirror, before reaching her arm into one of the jacket pockets, searching for the price tag. Her eyes momentarily widened after she read it.

"Seriously?" 

"I know? Come on, for that price you gotta!"

"Alright, you've convinced me," she said, "but know that this is coming out of our food budget. Don't go complaining to me when we eat microwaved noodles for dinner tomorrow."

Mizuki laughed, "Fine, but at least we'll be eating in style!"

Ena glared at them for a moment, but her lips began to curl into a grin. She giggled, doing her best to stifle the laughter that Mizuki had baited them into. Before long, the two of them were heartily laughing together, discussing what the proper attire would be for a cup-noodle-themed dinner. For a moment, Mizuki was transported back in time. 

They were together at the shopping mall, in the back corner of one of their favorite stores. Mizuki is in a truly grotesque dress, a disgraceful combination of pink and orange that even they can't pull off. They didn't want to try it on in the first place, but Ena had insisted, claiming she saw something with the outfit that they didn't. It was all a ruse though. In reality, she snapped about half a dozen pictures of Mizuki wearing it before they could react. Mizuki protested and demanded that Ena delete them as they tried and failed to contain their laughter. Ena kept giggling, throwing an arm around Mizuki and snapping a selfie of the two of them. Afterward, they went to that cute artisan cafe, and Ena argued with herself about what dessert she wanted before getting what she always got. About halfway through eating it, she started to stare longingly at Mizuki's parfait, and they had simply no choice but to offer some to her. They couldn't bear with how sad she looked.

Mizuki was dropped out of their trance by the dressing room door closing. Once again it was quiet as they stood alone waiting for Ena to get changed. They sighed and sat back down, running a hand through their hair. This was progress. She was opening up, slowly but surely. Mizuki might've even found a motive for why she was acting like this in the first place. They were close, they could feel it. 

They just wished it would happen faster.

****

Dinner was nice, nothing to write home about. The strawberry milkshake Mizuki ordered was tasty, though they wished Ena would have shared it with them. They hadn't considered how fast brain freeze would set in.

They were alone in Ena's room again, though they weren't panicking this time. She had just stepped out to freshen up before bed. She'd be back soon and find an erratic Mizuki who was preparing themselves for what they came here to say in the first place. This was the time for them to ask, it had to be. The two of them had spent a fun day together consisting of shopping, an acceptable dinner, and playing a few rounds of Pandemic before both of them got frustrated. It had been, by all accounts, an excellent day.

Which was why Mizuki had to ask this now.

It shouldn't have been hard. They shouldn't even have to think about it. Four words, four syllables. Come home with me. Easy, no pressure. 

But it wasn't the phrase itself that was giving Mizuki pause, it was Ena's reaction afterward that scared them.

Much to their horror, the bedroom door opened before Mizuki fully processed what they wanted to say. Ena walked to her bed and yawned, placing her toiletries underneath. She was dressed in purple pajamas with a pair of brown slippers.

"I'm gonna go to bed," she said, "do you need anything?"

"No, I'm okay, I should probably get some sleep too."

Ena nodded. She went to turn the light off, but a moment of realization dawned on her face.

"Oh crap, I completely forgot about the futon," she said.

"It's fine!" Mizuki insisted, "I can take it. More importantly, I have a question for y-"

"It's not fine," Ena interrupted, "I heard your back shatter this morning, I'm not letting you sleep on the floor again. Switch with me, you can have the bed tonight."

"What? No! Ena, this is your room, I don't want you to sleep on the floor."

She shook her head, "You're the guest. I'd be a pretty crappy host if I made my guest throw their back out, wouldn't I? Take the bed for tonight, tomorrow I'll try to scrounge something together to make it more comfortable for you."

She hopped off the bed and began walking towards the futon. As she went to sit down, Mizuki stopped her, holding their arm out to block her way.

"Ena," they said firmly, "I said no. I'm not letting you sleep on the ground."

"Gosh I forgot how difficult you can be," Ena groaned. She rubbed her head for a moment. It wasn't long, however, before another thought seemed to dawn on her.

"Okay, how about this then..." she said slowly, "we can share the bed. I have an extra blanket you can use."

"What?" Mizuki said, befuddled by the woman's words.

"Oh don't make it awkward," Ena said, averting her gaze, "we've done it before, haven't we?"

"I guess so," Mizuki admitted, "but are you comfortable with it?"

Ena shrugged, "it's preferable to sleeping on the floor. I don't mind. Look, we can use the cats as a barrier if you're uneasy about it." She picked up the two stuffed cats standing at attention atop her bed.

"That wasn't what I was worried about," Mizuki mumbled, "but fine, so long as you're okay with it."

Ena smiled at her, "Good, let me find the other blanket."

It takes her a few minutes to dig it up, but before long the bed has been made to accommodate both of them. Team Cat is standing guard in the center of the mattress - they needed to come up with names for them. 

"Okay, are you all set?" Ena asked as she got ready to turn the light out.

Mizuki situated themselves under the blanket, doing their best not to kick Ena, "Yeah, I think so."

"Good. If I snore or start hogging the bed feel free to wake me up, okay? I'm going to do the same to you."

"Okay..."

"Good night, Mizuki."

Mizuki jumped up before her arm reached the light switch. Ena froze, probably startled by the sudden movement, which gave Mizuki a chance to take her hand, clasping both of theirs around it.

"Ena," they said, "come back to Tokyo with me."

"W-what?" She stuttered.

"Not forever, not when you're in school. But until the end of your break, and maybe on some weekends," they continued, "you're all alone up here. I don't want you to be anymore."

"Mizuki..."

"You don't have to go home, you can stay with me and my family! They all love you, my sister keeps bugging me to meet you!" They said excitedly, "If you don't want to do that, Shiraishi convinced her dad to clear out space for a guest room at Weekend Garage. You could stay there! Of course, Akito would probably come visit, but I think you owe him that after not seeing him for so long..."

They tried to decipher her expression to no avail. It pained them to know how much they used to understand it.

"Please, Ena,"  their mouth moves before their brain can catch up, and they're ashamed at how pathetic they sound, "I don't want to lose you again."

There, that was it. It was more than four words, but they got out what they needed to say. The ball was in Ena's court now. They watched as her face went through a complex range of emotions, some of which they were scared to see. Confusion? Frustration? Anger? They couldn't tell. Eventually, after some time, her expression landed on another indecipherable one. She's smiling, or at least attempting to smile, but something is off. It's her eyes, they're glassy, distant. Mizuki's heart sank, they knew what was coming next.

Or maybe they didn't. Without saying a word, Ena turned off the light. Before Mizuki could ask her what she was doing, a warm, wet sensation radiated on their cheek. They felt their face flush, and were suddenly grateful for the plunge into darkness.

"Ena, wha-"

"Good night, Mizuki," she whispered, her face only inches away from theirs. her voice is wobbly, and they could have sworn something wet fell onto their arm.

"Wait! En-"

"I'm sorry," she breathed. The bedframe creaked as she moved back to her side of the plushie line. "I'm sorry." 

Mizuki was baffled, at a loss for what to say. Their face was still fifty shades of red as their brain began to process what had just happened. It was running haywire as it tried to weave out and separate the mixed emotions surging through their body. What the hell was that?

"I'm sorry." She had said. Why was she sorry?

"Ena..." They managed to mutter, hoping for some reaction. Nothing came, she was either fast asleep or ignoring them. Mizuki's heart sank again as their worst fears had come true.

Ena wasn't coming home.

Ena didn't want to come home.

Why? What the hell is going on?

Mizuki realized at that moment just how exhausted they were. Their eyes begin to shut as the scar of Ena's lips still pulsated on their cheek. Before their eyes close for the night, they swear they hear a soft, muffled cry. They're not sure which one of them it's coming from. It didn't make sense. Nothing was making sense. Ena was right there, they were so close to her.

Why did it feel like she was so far away?

Chapter Text

They're frozen in time. Hanging in suspended animation as the world moves around them. A marionette on a stalled string, their limbs rigid and tight. They're not sure how long it's been since they've taken a breath and they're starting to wonder if they ever will again. 

It was out. They said it. Nothing they could do would change that fact, people didn't just forget things. All they could do now was wait. Wait for the consequences of their action to become apparent. Wait for the course of their life to change for good.

Wait for her to fundamentally reject them.

They're in her room, they got it into their head that doing it here would put them more at ease. She couldn't storm out in anger from her own house. could she? If they did it at their place, they'd risk their parents seeing her adverse reaction to the news. They didn't want their parents to watch them lose another friend, they couldn't hurt them like that again. Maybe it would have made more sense to do it in a public place, somewhere where she'd have to subdue her true volatile feelings. But that felt unfair. They'd made her wait so long, she deserved to react how she saw fit. If she chose to flip out at them, be disgusted by them, or feel betrayed by them, then she deserved to do so honestly. It would perhaps soften the blow of them losing another friend. Or maybe something more.

She hasn't spoken yet, for her part. She's just looking at them. Her expression is ambiguous - as emotive as she could be she was always good at maintaining a neutral face when the moment called for it. What was she thinking? Was she repulsed by them so much that she couldn't even stomach an answer? That wasn't fair, it wasn't like them saying this to her magically changed who they were, or who they'd been. How could she hate them now? Why was the world so cruel? Why did they have to go ahead and get involved with other people?

Why couldn't they just live their days in peace?

They think she says their name, but it's all far away now. They need to stop feeling, to dissociate. Their eyes are beginning to burn now, Their palms sweating and their heart rate snowballing out of control as they begin their spiraling descent. It's taking everything in their power not to break down and sob, not that they would have expected help from her anyway. She detested them, she was disgusted by them, and she loathed them.

She was hugging them.

It happens too fast for them to process it. One moment they're sitting on her bed making peace with the inevitable, the next they're enveloped in an all-encompassing, warm hug. One of her hands is bracing the back of their head, softly twirling their hair. The other is wrapped around their torso, massaging their back. They started crying at some point during the exchange, though in hindsight it's possible they were from the beginning. 

"Ena," they say meekly, but they choke on the word. Nothing comes out, nothing is formulated, they can't comprehend what's happening.

"Shh...." Ena whispers, "I'm right here. You're safe with me. I promise."

"But did you hear what I said," they insist, "I've been lying to you! This entire time I've been lying to you!"

"You weren't lying. You were protecting yourself," Ena replies. She pulls them closer, directing their face onto her shoulder, "I told you at the very beginning that I would wait for you. I would have waited forever if I needed to. I meant that, every time I said it I meant it. But..."

They flinched, here it was. The attack, the disgust, the "I'm just asking questions" sing and dance. They should have known it was too good to be true.

She pulls away for a moment, then takes their head in her hands. She gently touches her forehead to theirs, her face mere centimeters away.

"You didn't have to worry," she whispered. They can smell the sweetness of strawberries on her breath, "I never would have hurt you."

"How could I have known that?" They whimpered.

"Have you even checked who I follow on my socials?" Ena responded. Her voice is playful, but her touch remains gentle.

"That's not the same," they countered, "it's different when it's somebody you know. Somebody who's a friend. I know."

Ena ponders this for a moment. She takes her hands off their face, reaffixing them to their shoulders.

"I see what you mean," she says softly, "I'm sorry you've had to deal with that. I really, truly am."

They sniff, averting their gaze from hers. They can't bear to look at her.

"But," she continues. She takes their trembling hands with her own, massaging their delicate fingers, "someone who truly cares about you would never react like that. Not me, not Kanade, not Mafuyu. Nothing changes between us, I swear. You're still annoying, you're still a real pain sometimes, and you're still my favorite person in the world."

...

"You've always been Mizuki to me," Ena smiles, "and you always will."

It's enough. Mizuki feels the intrusive thoughts violently expel themselves out of their mind. It was over. Was it over? They couldn't tell. The dam in their heart responsible for keeping their emotions repressed for years had collapsed. Their body was catatonic, put into an absolute state of shock. Mizuki's eyes lock with Ena's, who is wearing the most compassionate smile anyone has ever worn or ever will. It's the tipping point. Mizuki barely manages to croak out what they want to say.

"Ena..!"

Mizuki collapses, heavy sobs crashing out of them directly into the brown-haired girl's lap. Everything is far away, they're only cognizant of Ena's tender embrace as she rests her head on theirs, repeatedly rubbing and massaging their back over and over and whispering "I'm here" so they knew they weren't alone. They don't want to leave. The world was always so cold. Mizuki wanted to be warm.

They pull away eventually. They don't know how long they were like that, probably long enough to make it awkward for Ena. They can feel their make-up blotting down their face and they don't need to see themselves in a mirror to know they look like a wreck. They cringe at the sopping puddle of tears they left behind on Ena's lap, and wonder if they're due for an earful. It never comes, though. Before Mizuki has a chance to look at her, she takes their head in her hands again and lightly kisses their forehead. It's a delicate kiss, one stemming from comfort and reassurance. It's not romantic, not inherently, there's no ulterior motive behind it. It's a simple way to communicate "I'm here. I always will be." Neither of them say anything for a while. Mizuki is still clutching Ena's hand so tight it's turning white. Their heart rate subsides, and their mind is beginning to clear for the first time in what feels like years. 

Ena is ultimately the one to break the silence. She lets go of Mizuki's hand and looks down at her lap, a sarcastic drawl present in her voice, "Well, this skirt is probably done for."

"Heh, sorry."

"How big are your tears, girl?" Ena asked, "Seriously, this is absurd."

"I can't help it!" Mizuki shot back, "It's...you know...been a while."

Ena smiled at them, reaching back to caress their hand, "Do you feel okay?"

"Yeah," Mizuki sighed, a faint smile forming on their lips, "I do."

"Good. Do you need me to do anything?"

"No," Mizuki said quickly, "I mean....I don't want you to treat me any differently. Please."

"I told you, nothing's changed," Ena responded, pulling them in for another, less intense, hug.

Mizuki sniffed, letting their arms fall around Ena. A voice in the back of their mind keeps telling them she's lying, but they do their best to quiet it. Even if they don't believe it, Ena does. If she does, then maybe Mizuki can learn to as well.

They pull away again but remain within arm's reach of each other. Each of them is holding the other's hands, neither showing any indication of letting go. They're making eye contact, Mizuki is getting lost in her hazel eyes which seem to beckon them forth to get a closer look. Their lip quivers and Ena lightly gasps as some unseen magnetic force draws the two of them toward each other. Getting closer....and closer...

...so close...

"Oiii," a banging sound on Ena's door shakes the room, "Enaaa."

The two snap out of it at the same time, flinching from the sudden noise. Mizuki watches as Ena's dazed face morphs from confusion, to recognition, to fury as she sprints off the bed and stomps her way to the door. She swings it open, and poor Akito doesn't even have the time to react before she's screaming at him.

"Why are you yelling at me???" Akito yells back, though it sounds like he's more confused than angry, "You told me to tell you when the cake you ordered came."

"YOU COULD HAVE KNOCKED!!!"

"I DID!"

This continues for a bit, and Mizuki can't help themselves from laughing as Ena shuts the door behind her, the muffled argument between the two siblings now taking place out of view. She comes back in after a few seconds, red and fuming.

"Stupid Akito," she mumbled under her breath.

"Aw, why do you have to be so mean to Lil' Bro!" Mizuki chided, "he's trying his best."

She glared at them, "Yeah and so am I, doesn't mean I can just barge into his room without asking."

"He  did  knock, to be fair."

She glared at them again, but her eyes softened as a smirk appeared on her face. She takes a deep breath and then looks back at Mizuki with a smile.

"You look like shit."

"Ehhh?!"

"You look like shit," she repeated, "let's get you in the bath."

"Aw, I can't believe Enanan would be so mean to me~"

"Shuuut up. Be happy I'm letting you take one now, our hot water has been acting up and there's no telling if any will be left over for me tonight," she reached a hand out towards them, "afterward I'll treat you to some cheesecake, I'm sure you could use it right now."

"Wow!"  Mizuki exclaimed. They launched forward and wrapped themselves around the girl's arm, "I really am Enanan's favorite person in the world!"

"Don't make me regret saying that," Ena said, her face returning to the same shade of red as before, "or it'll be the last time I'll entertain telling you something serious ever again."

Mizuki laughed but held on tighter around Ena's arm, letting their head fall on her shoulder once again.

"Thank you," they whispered, "thank you for everything."

Ena's shoulders sag underneath them, and then the comforting sensation of her hand stroking their hair returns. She rustles it a bit before wrestling Mizuki's arm away and opening the door. She pauses before it's fully open, closing it once again.

"Just so you know," she said, "my lips are sealed. You don't have to worry about me telling anyone if you want to keep it a secret. That includes Nightcord."

"Thanks," Mizuki smiled, "but they know already. I talked to Mafuyu and Kanade last night about it."

Ena paused, "you did?"

"Yup! I told them in voice chat last night."

"And everything is okay?"

"Yes, they were supportive," Mizuki said, "Well, Kanade was supportive. Not to say Mafuyu wasn't, she totally was! Well, as much as she could be anyway."

 "Well, that's good then. Again, not like anything is going to change, but probably good we're all on the same page."

Ena didn't say anything further, but simply turned around and gave Mizuki's hair another playful rustle before walking into the hallway. As Mizuki followed, one of those persistent, nagging whispers that always plagued their mind began to emanate again. This one was different though, it was less insulting, less demeaning. They didn't think it was attacking them, it felt like it was warning them.

They couldn't quite put their finger on it...

Mizuki awoke to searing sunlight in their face. They got out of bed and scrambled to the window, squinting their eyes to view the landscape below. The only thing visible to them was the snow falling from the heavens in thick white sheets. The entire campus was coated in untouched snowfall, making it difficult to decipher the difference between the ground and the horizon. They sighed as they closed to curtain. It looked like they'd be stuck here.

Ena was nowhere in sight, but that hardly seemed worth mentioning; Mizuki had gotten used to her disappearances. A part of them was curious if she'd even bother coming back. Her melancholic kiss still lingered on Mizuki's cheek, and her words still echoed in their head. It was over, they had failed.

The bedframe creaked as they plopped down on top of it. Mizuki picked up the brown cat plush and began absentmindedly petting it. They couldn't understand anything that was going on anymore, and maybe it wasn't worth trying to understand. The cold truth was that Ena didn't want to come back, and no amount of them "understanding" why would change it. They were willing to bet she didn't want them here in the first place. Maybe this whole thing was an elaborate way of appeasing them in the short term to get rid of them in the long term. 

They shook their head and sighed, returning the cat plush to its original location. It was probably best to leave. Changing their train tickets wouldn't be cheap, but it was a better alternative than overstaying their welcome in Ena's dorm. They wondered if the snowfall would impact their travel home. Worst case scenario they'd hole up in the train station for a night. It would basically be the same thing as sleeping on the floor, and miles better than sharing a bed with someone they couldn't connect to anymore.

That settled it. They'd wait to say goodbye to Ena, and then head out.

Mizuki began packing their things in the meantime. A part of them recognized it might be better to just leave without saying goodbye. It would better communicate to Ena that they understood how she felt and that they would leave her alone. But it still felt wrong. Maybe Ena didn't feel anything toward them anymore, but it didn't change the fact they had been inseparable for three years. They couldn't leave all of that behind without a word, could they? 

Their mind wandered for a moment, and they couldn't suppress the sad grin that formed on their face. The two of them had gone through the gauntlet together. Late-night dinners at cheap cafes, early morning work sessions where each would be too tired to say goodbye, impromptu visits to each other's classes (which did wonders at stirring rumors), eagerly awaiting the release of their new video in Sekai.

Sekai.

Mizuki stopped midway through packing the bags of popcorn they brought. That couldn't be it, could it? That didn't make sense. 

But then again, Sekai never made sense to begin with.

Their thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a door opening. Mizuki turned around just in time to see Ena stumble in, covered head to toe in snow and holding a multitude of plastic shopping bags.

"Whew!" She said as she walked through, "It's really coming down out there."

"Ena? Where were you?"

She placed the bags on the ground - along with a small mountain of snow - and took off her mittens. She glanced up at Mizuki and smiled.

"I needed to work on my painting today so I went out early," Ena explained, "when I saw how much it was snowing, I figured we'd be stuck here all day. So I went to the convenience store to get some snacks."

She smiled at Mizuki again when she finished and raised an eyebrow in curiosity, "what are you up to?"

"Uh," Mizuki panicked, "I was just getting some popcorn!"

"Popcorn, at 9:00?" 

"Like I said, I can't stand your protein bars~" They responded, "and don't act coy, I know you want some too."

Ena rolled her eyes and took off her winter hat. She threw it at Mizuki in one fluid motion, who was too preoccupied with re-evaluating their decision to leave to dodge it. The wool hat landed squarely on their head with a small splat.

"Eh?? How cruel. Enanan is abusing me!"

They heard Ena laugh and skip over to them. She removed the hat from their head and wiped the remaining snow crystals off their face with her thumb. Her gaze remained at them for longer than Mizuki expected, not to mention her touch. She pulled away eventually, offering a hand to Mizuki.

"I need to shower, got a bunch of paint all over my arms," she said, grunting to pull Mizuki up, "but why don't you make some popcorn and use my laptop to find something to watch? Just because it's snowing doesn't mean we can't enjoy ourselves in here!"

"R-Right," Mizuki responded, still reeling from all that was happening. They managed to get their wits about them before Ena exited the dorm room, "wait Ena, about last night. I mean it, I want you to co-"

"Mizuki," she responded. She was still wearing a smile, but it was shallower, "not now."

"But-"

"You said it yourself the other day, I'm making you feel like I don't want you to be here, that's not true," she continued, "let's just enjoy what time we have left. There's no telling when I'll see you next."

"Okay..."

Ena reached towards Mizuki and ruffled their hair, making the latter almost pass out. Before they even processed what was happening, she was gone. 

What the FUCK?

Mizuki crouched back on the ground, relinquishing control of their body and allowing themselves to turn beet red. Who was that? That wasn't the same Ena they'd been talking to all week. Why did Ena have to go ahead and introduce another wrinkle to this perplexing situation?

They sighed and patted both sides of their head with their hands. They didn't just feel confused, there was an underlying twinge of shame present as well. Mizuki had been this close to leaving, to abandoning Ena amid a white-out. Their mind had run wild with terrible possibilities when in reality she had gone to the store. What were they thinking? 

Regardless, something was off. Mizuki was glad Ena seemed more...Ena...but this was a pretty radical switch given the events the previous night. Was getting that off her chest all she needed? Did refusing Mizuki's offer take some burden off her? 

Why could they not get a read on this girl?

Mizuki accepted defeat and picked up one of the bags of popcorn. They couldn't help but smile as they felt its weight in their hands.

If they turned their brain off, they could probably enjoy the next four days with Ena just like they used to. They could forget all the baggage of the last six months and simply be together. That was all Mizuki really wanted at the end of the day. The flavor of their relationship didn't matter, not particularly. They placed the bag of popcorn in the microwave and hit "Start" on the timer. The silence of the room was now invaded by the low hum of the microwave.

No, they couldn't give up, not yet. It wasn't worth spending a handful of nostalgic days with Ena if it meant they'd lose her for another half a year. She was more responsive now, and they already floated the idea to her. It was bound to be bouncing around in her mind.

There was still hope.

But they had to play the game. Mizuki walked over to Ena's laptop and flipped it open. They navigated to YouTube and looked for some extended videos for the two of them to watch. As they scrolled through countless budget documentaries and drama videos, they couldn't keep themselves from grinning. Despite everything that was going on, and the fact that Ena was likely hiding something, they couldn't help but enjoy this a little. How long had it been since the two of them had done something like this? As they clicked on a satisfactory video, they made a decision: their main priority, as it always had been, was to bring Ena home.

But that didn't mean they couldn't enjoy cozying up to her with a horror movie in the meantime.

****

Unfortunately, Ena didn't bite at the horror movie. She gave Mizuki quite an earful for even suggesting it.

It wasn't like Mizuki minded the alternative. Ena already had something in mind, a two-hour documentary on the rise of post-modernism in the fashion industry. Did Mizuki understand all of it? No. Did they understand some of it? Kinda. At least the actual clothes in it looked cool, with a lot of interesting demonstrations of the techniques involved in making them.

They had lunch around noon - some sandwiches and salads Ena picked up from the convenience store. In the afternoon Mizuki took out their sewing travel kit to work on some mini-acsessories while Ena did some sketching. Dinner was cup-noddles, as Ena promised the day before, along with the leftover cheesecake. It felt normal. 

Mizuki wasn't used to normal, not anymore.

It was late now, almost 10. The two were sprawled out on the floor after yet again failing a difficult Pandemic scenario once again - Mizuki vowed to find a better cooperative game for them to play in the future. The room was warm, overly so in Mizuki's opinion. As Ena mentioned before, the heating system in the dorms left a lot to be desired. Both of them were in tank tops now, having discarded their sweaters and cardigans earlier in the night. 

As the two finished their latest conversation - a "hotly" contested debate on the correct brewing temperature of tea, Ena rose from the floor. Mizuki began to as well, as they figured Ena was likely going to start getting ready for bed given her pattern of behavior. She surprised them, however, by going to the mini-fridge instead. She reached down and produced two, plain gray cans. It was the alcohol Mizuki had clocked when they arrived earlier in the week.

"Do you want one?' Ena asked.

"Ena?' Mizuki said, pretending that this was the first they'd seen of it, "you drink now?"

Ena shrugged, "kind of a rite of passage in college. It's pretty hard to find a party without it."

"You go to parties?" Mizuki asked.

She shrugged again and smiled, "I dabble."

After Mizuki went a few seconds without answering, Ena spoke again.

"Relax Mizuki, I'm not going to pressure you into drinking a  beer . If you want to say no I'm not going to be offended."

"N-No! I'll try one!" Mizuki responded, doing their best to put on an excited voice, "After all, I can't let Ena have all the fun, can I?"

She rolled her eyes in response and handed Mizuki one of the cans. It was cold in their hands, they were grateful for at least some relief from the heat. They watched as Ena popped hers open and took a swig, doing the same afterward.

They spit it out immediately.

"Ew! Ena!!! How do you drink this stuff?"

"Oh stop overreacting, it's not  that  bad."

"It is! It tastes like I'm drinking moldy bread."

"How would you even know what that tastes like."

"Hooo, when I heard Ena was partaking in underage drinking, I thought it was at least because it was worth it. This is awful!" Mizuki cried.

Ena rolled her eyes again, "you can't tell me you've never done it before. Don't you have champagne on New Year's with your family?"

"Nope! I'm a pure, innocent child! I would  never.  Grape juice for me! " 

Ena grunted in return, taking a long swig from the can. She placed it down, letting out a gasp of refreshment, and reached back into the fridge. Maybe they should lay off on the teasing.

"So," they said, their tone more sheepish than they wanted, "you go out to parties now?"

"Not like, every night, if that's what you're asking," Ena said, "but yeah, a few times a month. It's not always like a 'party' though, sometimes we do karaoke or get hot pot."

"Oh," Mizuki said uneasily.

"What? Does that surprise you?"

"A little, if I'm being honest, I never really pictured you doing stuff like that."

Ena raised an eyebrow, "Why? I wasn't actually a shut-in in high school, much as you like to joke."

"Well, no," Mizuki conceded, "I guess I just...I kind of thought you were all alone up here."

Ena scoffed and smiled as she took another sip of her drink, "you didn't think I'd make friends?"

"No!" Mizuki yelped, "I didn't mean it like that! I guess-" 

They stopped because they realized they did mean it like that. They couldn't deny it. They were genuinely surprised Ena didn't have a problem making friends. Ena was a homebody artist, not some extroverted party animal. Mizuki couldn't say that though, it would be rude. They needed to change the subject. Luckily, Ena changed it for them.

"Hey," she said, "you remember Sekai, right?"

"Yeah!" Mizuki blubbered. They were surprised she brought it up, as they were going to try to bring it up later on in the week. In fact, doing so had been a core part of their plan.

"You think it was real, right?" She asked.

"It had to be!" Mizuki exclaimed, "I mean...there's no way it wasn't real, right?"

"No," Ena shook her head, "it definitely was. I...I just wish I could go see it again."

Mizuki nodded their head glumly, "Me too, Ena."

It had happened shortly after they graduated, but warning signs had always been present. The Empty Sekai was never a super glamorous place to explore, but Mizuki noticed discrepancies between some areas as time went on. A certain pillar disappeared or a specific pyramid was a bit shorter than expected. The first real warning sign hinting towards something strange going on had been after Meiko went through the door. The four of them never saw her again.

They might have been able to chalk that up as a case of 'Meiko being Meiko', but it didn't end there. Next was Len, then Luka. Kaito actually had the "decency" to tell them off before he left, but he didn't feel particularly great about it from what Mizuki was able to gather. Before long, only Miku and Rin remained in a Sekai a fraction of the size of what it used to be.

"You know," Ena said sadly, "I think I was the last person to see Rin."

"Yeah?"

"It was after our last release party," Ena mused, "that night. I visited Sekai."

"You did?" Mizuki exclaimed. They had never heard this story before.

"Mhm, I was going to talk to Rin."

Mizuki was quiet. They whispered, "About what?"

"I don't remember, it's not important," Ena waved the thought away, "The point is when I got there. She was already at the door."

"We never did figure out what was behind it, did we?"

"No," Ena smiled, "I mean, a few days later it was gone completely. We didn't have much of a chance."

"I guess not..."

"Anyways, we talked for a bit, with Miku too, and then I left. And I knew when I left..." She paused, "I just knew it would be the last time I ever saw her again."

"You really took a liking to her, didn't you?"

"Was kinda hard not to. She was there when I almost kil- when I tried to disappear back when I was a 2nd year."

Mizuki nodded. They remembered. How could they forget? The two of them weren't super close at the time - it was before Ena knew they were hiding a secret - but the idea of straight up disappearing forever in that Empty space. It made them shudder. Mizuki was happy Rin had gotten to her.

"Anyways," Ena said, "just feeling a bit nostalgic I guess. Sometimes I'll see a beige ribbon somewhere, or hear a song using the virtual singer version of her, and I'll think of her."

There wasn't much they could say. They had all been heartbroken when their Sekai disappeared, but they had all gone to see Miku off before it was gone for good. 

Well, all of them, except Ena. 

Something was beginning to click.

"Wow!" Ena exclaimed, "I'm sorry for bringing the mood down! Let's get back to Pandemic, shall we?"

"Ena..."

"I think it's gonna be good this time! This buzz is gonna do wonders for my concentration!"

" Ena ."

"How do I set it up again? I always forget!"

"ENA."

They slammed the floor with their hands, albeit much harder than they intended to (ouch). Ena looked at them in surprise before averting her gaze in embarrassment. 

"Ena," Mizuki continued, "we need to talk."

She scoffed, "What's there to talk about Mizuki? Can't we just play the game for a bit and go to bed?"

Mizuki was taken aback by her sudden change in tone, but kept pressing, "No. We need to talk about what happened over the summer. Something definitely got to you."

Ena didn't respond, simply taking a sip of her - now third - drink and standing up.

"You used to be our glue, Ena!" Mizuki went on, "You kept us all together. We needed you. And then you just disappeared without a trace. Come on, you can't tell me that's fair."

Nothing.

"It's obvious something happened, and I'm really sorry that I wasn't there for you when it did. Truly. If you were hurting and I missed it, I'm so sorry," Mizuki said, "but you owe me an explanation. I was worried sick about you for months. There was a point you didn't post for a few days and I thought you died."

Mizuki stopped, realizing they were rambling. They didn't mean to be so hard on Ena, but the words kept on flowing. In retrospect, the fact that it took them this long to snap was surprising in its own right. 

"And it wasn't just me. Kanade, Mafuyu, Akito, hell even An. I don't know what you said to her, but you really left an impression on her. Are you actually going to tell me we all deserved to observe you drop off the face of the Earth?"

Nothing.

"Please, Ena," they pleaded, "I don't want to lose you again. Tell me what happened, and then maybe we can talk about you coming home again-"

"I'm not coming home!" Ena snapped. 

Mizuki physically recoiled. Her eyes were narrow and her expression was one of pure anger. They were used to Ena being playfully angry a lot of the time, but not like this. The heated fury they were witnessing in her eyes was one they'd only seen a few times before, and certainly never directed at them..

"Nothing happened over the summer," she said, enunciating each word.

"Are you sure about that?" Mizuki said. They weren't going to back down.

Ena sighed, finishing off the last of her beer. She had to be bordering on drunk by now. Maybe that would be the key to finally getting her to open up. She narrowed her eyes again, and Mizuki felt her icy gaze stare into their very soul.

"You know what, fine Mizuki. You win. Like you always do. You wanna know why I 'disappeared?"

"Yes! That's why I agreed to come here in the first place!."

"Fine, I'll tell you."

,,,

"I'll tell you everything."

Chapter Text

"Cheers!"

The sound of glasses clanging echoed throughout the near empty restaurant. It's a Tuesday, a little after 8. There wasn't much reason for anyone to be out right now. In fact, Mizuki was pretty sure the diner closed at 8:30. Usually they'd be a bit more conscientious of the time for the sake of the workers, but not tonight. No, tonight the barren diner served as the perfect backdrop for an almost three-year project. A three-year project that brought new beginnings, new hurdles, and new friends. A three-year project with so many twists and turns that it was hard to look back on where it even started. A three-year project where the finish line, while always in sight, never crossed the minds of anyone involved. It had always been so far away, so distant. But not tonight. Tonight, the intangible had become tangible.

Tonight, was the final meeting of Nightcord at 25:00.

It was always going to come to this. Mizuki realized from the start that unless their friends really dropped the ball with academics (which, to be fair, wasn't the most absurd thing to imagine), the rest of the group was going to graduate before them. Keeping up with Nightcord was easy when they all lived a stone's throw away from each other, but the distance college puts between people was inevitable. Mafuyu was going to Nursing school, and Ena would be traveling ten hours North to Hokkaido for Art School. Kanade would still be around but was looking to start doing some solo work after taking a well-deserved break. That would just leave Mizuki, alone again.

"Mizuki, were you going to order any fries?" Kanade asked, snapping them out of their trance.

"Of course!" Mizuki recovered, "in fact, I'm gonna get the biggest plate we can!"

"You need to eat something other than fries," Ena chided, "I bet you haven't eaten since breakfast, have you?"

"Aha~, me? No, of course not..."

"I agree with Ena," Mafuyu said, "get something else to eat."

Mizuki nodded and began flipping through the menu. It had been some time since Mafuyu revealed her 'true' self to the world, and it had done wonders for her expressiveness. While Mizuki was nothing but happy for her, it still did feel...odd. Picturing the Mafuyu of old caring about Mizuki's well-being enough to scare them into getting something to eat was a funny idea indeed.

"I'm happy we were able to get the video up before the weekend," Kanade said.

"Me too! It's already doing really well!" Ena said.

"I don't think that matters," Mafuyu responded, "but it makes sense it would since we heavily implied it would be our last video."

Ena scrunched her face up, "well, I think it matters. Considering where we started, it's nice to see we were able to reach so many people."

"Yes," Kanade said, "I hope that they were able to form meaningful connections with it."

"That's not what Ena means though," Mafuyu, "she's just happy we're getting attention."

"I didn't say that!"

"Children, children," Mizuki interjected, "come on, now's not the time to fight! This calls for a toast!"

"We already did a toast," Mafuyu noted.

"Well, what's one more?" They held their glass up above the table, "to the end of Nightcord, and the start of something new."

Cheers of varying levels of (low) enthusiasm responded in turn before the table split off into their normal groups of two. This wasn't uncommon, nor entirely unwelcome. Kanade was always the one who best understood Mafuyu, and that hadn't magically changed once the latter "found" herself. Mizuki didn't take personal offense to it. After all. the same thing could be said about the brown-haired girl next to them, who was quickly flicking through her phone, intent on finding something to show them.

"Here," Ena said as she turned her phone to face Mizuki, "what about this one?"

"Oh! It's pretty! But it's orange, I didn't know Ena would ever wear anything that wasn't beige~"

"Huh? Excuse me, I wear more than beige! I'm literally wearing green right now!"

"Sorry you're right," Mizuki pretended to concede, "what I actually meant was that purse doesn't fit your old lady aesthetic- ouch!"

She had flicked their forehead, glaring at them with (what they hoped) was fake contempt. Mizuki's face curled into a sly grin and they began their counter-attack, aiming for Ena's sides where they knew she was ticklish. 

"Wah! You little-"

"I'm gonna getcha! Watch out!"

"I swear one of these days-"

"Hey, can you guys stop that," Mafuyu's voice cut between them, "you're making a scene."

Ena, whose hand was centimeters away from getting driven into Mizuki's stomach, looked around with a sense of recognition before slinking back into her seat. 

"Not like there's anyone here," she mumbled as her face turned red, "besides, Mizuki started it," 

"What! Nuh-uh!"

Kanade laughed, drawing all attention to her like she always unintentionally seemed to do, "I'm going to miss these parties, they're always so fun."

"Me too!" Mizuki said, their face brightening, "but I can't wait to see what comes next! You with your solo music, Mafuyu starting her nursing internship at the hospital, and Ena in art school! We're destined for great-"

"Ena didn't get into art school." Mafuyu interrupted.

Mizuki stopped, startled by the sudden interjection. They stole a glance at Ena, who had processed what Mafuyu said and was now curving her face into a snarl. The room itself seemed to hold its breath, and it only released it once a bewildered Kanade spoke before anyone else had a chance to.

"What do you mean, Yuki?" She asked, "She leaves next month for Hokkaido, remember?"

"That's not an art school though," Mafuyu said, "she got into an art  program . From what I recall, Hokkaido University is a majority STEM school."

"Semantics!" Mizuki laughed uneasily, "It's still an accomplishment!"

Mafuyu shrugged, "Maybe, but it's still not art school. How prestigious is their art program anyway, Ena?"

They didn't answer, hoping Ena would instead. They turned their head to face her at a snail's pace, begging the tension of the table to be cut by her reaction. But it never was. Ena was staring daggers at Mafuyu, her hands tightly clenched into fists. Her lips were pursed, and her jaw was clenched so much she might have legitimately been biting her tongue. Five agonizing seconds passed, and then ten, before she eventually cleared her throat and stood up from the table. 

"Excuse me," she said, "I need to use the restroom."

She left the table, a small breeze emitting from where she briskly walked away. The diner was quiet enough such that they heard the bathroom door slam from across the room.

"Yuki..." Kanade said.

"What?" Mafuyu responded, "I was just asking a question."

"It didn't seem that way," Mizuki said, doing their best to tread lightly, "it seemed like you were downplaying her accomplishments. You know how she can be a bit... sensitive about that."

Mafuyu shrugged, "I don't see what the big deal is. She's the one who always says to not care what others think. Why can't she act the same way?"

"You're her friend, Mafuyu," Mizuki insisted, "it comes across a bit differently."

"Well," Mafuyu offered something adjacent to a smile, "then we're just joking around. You two do it all the time, don't you?"

Mizuki opened their mouth to speak, but didn't answer. Mafuyu had a point. They reclined in their seat, pondering the undrunk mango smoothie next to them. Mafuyu and Kanade resumed talking which left Mizuki as the odd one out. They had been planning on showing Ena the website for a new accessory store that opened recently, but couldn't exactly do that without, well, Ena. Nonetheless, they took out their phone and navigated to the website, wanting to have it open ahead of time so they could cheer Ena up when she returned. Before the website even loaded, however, a text message flashed across their screen.  Their companions must have received the message as well, as all three simultaneously checked their phones at once. 

"Oh, that's too bad," Kanade whispered.

"Really it's her own fault for loading up on so much junk food, right Mizuki?"

Mizuki didn't hear either of them. They jumped out of their seat the second they read the message and began weaving through the aisles of booths and chairs, narrowly avoiding the server carrying their plate of fries over. They made it to the entrance of the restaurant in time to witness the green-clad girl walking away.

"Ena!" They called, running over to greet her. 

She looked back in surprise before her face reverted to its default, RBF state. She was holding her phone in her left hand with some unrecognizable app open, and a clutch of tissues in her right hand.

"Why are you running?" She asked bluntly.

"What do you mean 'why?'" Mizuki asked, "You're leaving? Just like that?"

"I messaged you, I have a really bad stomach ache."

"That doesn't mean you have to leave!"

Ena rolled her eyes, "I have my medicine at home, plus I'll be able to rest. And I don't have to be surrounded by food - tasty food at that."

"But..." Mizuki said, "It's our last celebration together."

"Mizuki, it's not like we'll never see each other again. It's the end of Nightcord, not the end of us."

She smiled at them, and that should have been the end of it. But it wasn't. There was something about her smile. The glint in her eye, the shallowness of her lips. She was trying to convey something to them, maybe not consciously. But Mizuki was too distracted, too disheartened, to realize. All they could do was reach out and grab her hand as she turned to walk away.

"Mizuki!?" Ena exclaimed.

"Are we still on for tomorrow, for that movie you wanted to see?" Mizuki said, their voice barely more than a whimper.

"Duh, of course," Ena replied, "I'll see you in the morning, and you're still buying me popcorn!"

She shook Mizuki's hand away and walked off. Mizuki could only watch as her silhouette disappeared into the crowd. They tried to calm their mind. She was right, it wasn't the last they'd see of her, far from it!

That's why they went back to the booth. 

That's why they spent the night laughing and joking with Kanade and Mafuyu. 

That's why when Ena canceled their plans the next day, they didn't think much of it. 

It was funny, after lying to her for so many years, it never occurred to them that she could do the same.

For a while, the room was completely still. The two of them stood as far away as the room allowed, burrowing their gaze into each other's eyes. The only sounds audible were the thrashing of the wind eclipsing the building and the erratic screeches of the radiator. Sweat was dripping down Mizuki's forehead, a product of the overwhelming humidity mixed with the palpable tension. They still couldn't get a read on Ena, and had begun to question whether they ever could. Enough time had passed to the point where they thought she changed her mind about talking to them, but she spoke before Mizuki had a chance to press her again. 

"Do you know how long we were in Nightcord for?" She asked, her voice low and deliberate.

"Three years right?" Mizuki answered instinctively. They were unprepared for such a blunt question, "Two-and-a-half in person, or at least via Sekai."

Ena nodded. She walked over to the dorm room window, looking off into the white night like some type of stereotypical pondering villain.

"Three years," she repeated, "Pretty much the entirety of the time we were in high school."

"Yeah..."

"It's kinda weird," Ena said, "I couldn't even picture being in high school when I was younger, let alone actually graduating it."

"Ena-."

"To be honest, a part of myself always thought I'd just disappear one day. Like I'd just up and pack a bag and head out. Hokkaido was where I always pictured myself going funnily enough, though in a place more remote than Sapporo."

"Ena, what does this have to do with anything?" Mizuki asked, crossing their arms.

"I'm telling you this because I need to you understand something," she turned around to face them again, "I need you to understand that nothing happened over the summer, Mizuki. Nothing out of the ordinary at least."

Okay! That's a start.

"Then what caused... 'this' then?" Mizuki asked, motioning in Ena's general direction, "Or is the cryptic talking going to be your thing for the night?"

Ena sighed, "You remember Sekai? When we first started, yeah?"

"Ena," they felt like their pleas were falling on deaf ears, "I'm not going to keep answering these questions-"

"Mizuki. You  were the one who wanted to know what happened. You really think I want to dredge this up any more than you do?"

They sighed in resignation Patience, Mizuki, patience. "Fine. Yes, I remember when we first found Sekai."

"So then you remember what Mafuyu told us, right?"

"Ena-"

"Do you remember?"

"Yes, of course I do!" Mizuki blurted, "What, do you want me to repeat it? You all want to disappear more than anyone!"

"Correct. She told us we all wanted to disappear, but only she had the guts to admit it," Ena mused, "not the most heartwarming introduction."

"Yes, Ena, I know. You of all people made that  exceptionally  clear."

"You're right...I did," she said, "and to be honest, I don't regret it. I was hurt in that moment, I felt betrayed."

Mizuki sighed as they ran a hand through their hair, "That's fair, I did too."

"But regardless," Ena said, "even if I don't regret it, I still recognized that it was wrong. It wasn't what I should have done at the moment. I realized that fact early on, and I vowed to do better." She paused, "I like to think I did."

As frustrated as they were with her, Mizuki couldn't disagree.

"So I kept pushing. When we made it our goal to save Mafuyu, I did what I could to assist. Maybe I wasn't always the nicest about it, but I was genuinely trying to help," she continued, "and as time went on, we all realized that we had our own demons to fight as well."

Ena paused, glancing around the room. She picked up her water bottle next to the bed, taking an agonizingly slow sip as Mizuki waited in tense anticipation. They still weren't sure where Ena was going with this and had begun to wonder if the crypticness in her words wasn't cryptic at all, but rather another method of drawing out the truth. Something about how she was phrasing things wasn't making sense. She was upset about something, so much so that it made her disappear for three months, but was still shouldering the blame on herself as well. 

"I'm aware I wasn't always the best friend to have," Ena went on, "but I tried my best to be. I really did."

"I know you did," Mizuki said, "I told you before, you were the glue of our group."

"Was I?"

"Yes!" Mizuki insisted, "None of us would have made it as far as we did without you."

Ena pondered this for a bit, before shaking her head, "You keep saying that, but I don't see how could mean it. After all, how could the binding force of a group be someone as mean as me?"

"Mean?" Mizuki questioned, "What are you talking about?"

Ena scoffed, "Really? You need me to explain this to you?"

She paused again; Mizuki heard her take a deep breath, and it looked as if she were juggling multiple ideas in her head at once.

"Alright, fine, I'll humor this." Ena said, "Remember that time I met An back when she was still a first year?"

Again with these two!

"We had a really good discussion about trying to reach our goals," she said, not waiting for Mizuki to respond, "it was nice. You, K, and Mafuyu were always so sure of what you were doing, so it was great to be able to speak to someone who was going through a similar struggle to what I going through. I think she felt similarly and also comforted that someone older than her was going through the same issue as well."

"Ena,  please , what does this have to do with anything?"

"It had to do with anything," Ena glared, "because after we started hanging out from time to time, she mentioned offhand one day how I was nothing like the 'Ena' that Akito and Mizuki told her about."

"W-What?"

"She told me that you two always called me 'difficult to deal with' and 'frustrating'," Ena said. She sighed, "Now I expect that from Akito, it only comes with the territory. But from you? I imagine you don't need me to explain to you why that caught me off guard."

"I-I didn't mean it like that," Mizuki said, "it was just a joke. Hyperbole! An understood it obviously, or else she wouldn't have hung out with you in the first place."

"Really? That doesn't seem like a joke, and she certainly didn't take it as such." Ena finished, "No, what it sounds like to me is that this entire time you've all thought of me as some jerk asshole."

"Come on, Ena," Mizuki insisted, "obviously we didn't think that."

"Then why did you say it."

Mizuki didn't respond. It wasn't a question.

"I started becoming more aware of myself at that point," Ena continued, "more specifically, how others perceived me. Again, I knew I could be difficult, I knew I wasn't always the greatest person to be around. But as time went on and I started meeting more and more people, I realized something."

"What was that?" Mizuki said, their brain couldn't catch up to their mouth.

"People liked me," Ena said, "An, Honami, Emu, Minori, Shizuku. They liked me. They enjoyed hanging out with me. They confided in me. They didn't think I was mean."

"Well, sure, it wasn't like they ever saw you in a position where they would have come to that conclusion in the first place."

Ena flinched, and Mizuki regretted the words the second they said them. Some part of their consciousness was forcing them to fight back, to play defense. Why? This wasn't supposed to be an argument. They were supposed to be here to support their best friend, weren't they? Why was their brain so insistent on taking such a hostile approach.

"Well, maybe," Ena's icy voice said, "they never put me in a position like that in the first place." 

"Yeah," Mizuki conceded, their voice barely audible, "you're right. I'm sorry. That was stupid of me to say."

They couldn't get angry. They couldn't get defensive. The goal was to bring Ena home. Give her space to say her piece, and go from there. Isolate the issue and rectify it.

"Well, thank you for realizing that," Ena said, this time it was her turn to be taken aback. She clearly wasn't expecting Mizuki to agree with her statement. She took a few seconds to compose herself before continuing again.

"I realized, that the only people who seemed to have the idea in their head that I was some sort of an asshole, were Akito - which again is a given - and the rest of Nightcord," she paused, "maybe minus Kanade.."

"I didn't think you were an asshole," Mizuki said, "you were strong-willed, sure, but I knew you weren't ever malicious."

"Then  why  were you so insistent on claiming otherwise, or telling others for that matter!"

"They were just jokes," Mizuki said, sounding unconvinced, "that's what we did right? We joked with each other."

"Who is 'we'? It sure as hell better not be Kanade and Mafuyu, because you never went as far with them as you did with me."

"Seriously?" Mizuki asked, "You're actually going to ask why I didn't tease Kanade and Mafuyu of all people?"

"Yes, because I want to know what made me fair-game," Ena said, "did you like seeing me riled up? Was I that pathetic in your eyes that I deserved it for some reason?"

"No!" Mizuki exclaimed, "It was something we did! It wasn't like it wasn't mutual!"

"I'm not stupid Mizuki, I know it went both ways," Ena said, "but I never toed the line that the rest of you did. How many times would you comment on my weight? Or about how I didn't exercise - which was false by the way, or about how I didn't have any friends outside Nightcord. Do you think those didn't grate on me? You think I didn't internalize those over the years?"

"I- No? I didn't think that," Mizuki said, their voice unsure, "Ena, if it bothered you that much why didn't you say anything?"

"I'd try to," her voice cracked, "but it would always circle back to the same song and dance. 'Ena so emotional' or 'hehe Ena likes getting teased!'"

"You should have talked to me," Mizuki insisted, "I would have stopped."

Ena sighed, "Even if I did think that was true, it wasn't just you."

"All the more reason to speak up then!"

"And say what, Mizuki?" Ena challenged, "Mafuyu was in the weeds, Kanade essentially had two dead parents, and you were at risk of being the victim of a hate crime whenever you went outside. And I'm supposed to earnestly say that you were hurting my feelings by teasing me?"

"Yes!" Mizuki said, "That's exactly what you say! It's not like us having problems means yours didn't matter, nor that you weren't struggling to begin with! You didn't have to turn yourself into some weird, screwed-up martyr."

Ena didn't respond, instead reaching for her water bottle again. It was shaking as she brought it up to her lips. Mizuki had to keep on pressing.

"You did so much for me over the years," Mizuki pleaded, "why wouldn't I have done the same?"

Ena winced as she finished drinking. They'd struck a nerve, but they hadn't meant to. Did Ena actually think they didn't care about her, or was there something they were missing?

"I could have handled the teasing," Ena said slowly, "even if it did go over the line at times. If the trade-off was that you and Mafuyu got a kick out of it, I could have handled it."

Stop being a Martyr.

"What pushed me over the edge," she continued, "was when Mafuyu found herself."

That's right, that was a pretty notable event to occur. It was during the last semester of her final year in high school. After staying with Kanade and working through her familial issues, Mafuyu - in her own words - woke up one day and was able to feel the warmth of the sun again. It had been a long and arduous process, and she still wasn't fully better, but she had finally figured out a portion of her true self. It was a momentous occasion, and Mizuki still remembered the excited call they'd received from Kanade the day it happened. The meek girl was crying tears of joy over the phone, claiming Mafuyu had been saved. They skipped their supplemental classes - attendance be damned - and sprinted over to Kanade's residence, only to find they were the last one there for an emotional, exuberant occasion. They vividly remembered the scene of Mafuyu bear-hugging Ena with countless tears in both their eyes.

"What could have been so bad about that?" They found themselves thinking and asking at the same time.

Ena sighed and sat down on her bed, burrowing her face in her hands. Mizuki watched her, a thousand questions running through their head with as many emotions traversing their heart. Confusion, indignation, betrayal, and heartbreak, all coursing through their body as they tried to make sense of anything Ena was saying. The only thing they knew for certain was that Ena was feeling the same way. Part of them wanted to confess to her the real reason they teased her so much through the years. Another part of them wanted to reconcile with the fact that Ena never truly liked them at all. Yet another part was beginning to question if Ena's involvement in the group over the years was feeding some messed up savior complex. Whatever was going on, they needed to see it through, even if it meant losing her forever.

"Hey," they said, their voice unsteady, "this isn't us."

Ena looked up at them as pockets of moisture began surrounding her eyes.

"I don't know where you're going with this, I don't even know if I want to hear it," Mizuki continued, "but we don't do half-truths, not anymore. Keep going, Ena. I'll listen to all of it, I promise."

Ena took a deep breath, her normally sharp eyes were out of focus, staring off at something only visible to her She closed them, and a zealous wave washed over her, as if she were readying herself for battle.

"When Mafuyu finally found herself, or was saved, whatever you want to call it," she started, "she started to be more true to herself with others. She dropped her model student persona, as I'm sure you're aware."

"Right."

"And you know that, despite her dropping the persona, people were still intrigued by her. It made sense, how could you not be? She was pretty, well-spoken, and had gone through a total emotional shift overnight. People asked her questions, and she used it as an opportunity to describe her experiences, which in turn gave her more chances to further develop as a person."

So it is about Mafuyu.

"I was always jealous of her to an extent, I won't deny it," Ena said, "she was - is - smart, certainly in comparison to me. And despite her goody-two-shoes persona being a farce, she was actually good at things, you know?"

Mizuki waited patiently for her to continue. She took another deep breath.

"So when she would say things, or describe her experiences once she dropped the facade,  people listened, and they took her word at face value since she was always right about everything else."

Ena carried on, "but the one area where she wasn't super knowledgeable about was social cues. And interactions. And well, just anything related to talking to people in general."

Mizuki was quiet, they were getting lost again.

"And she'd say these- these things about me when talking about our group, and people readily accepted it." she said, "Ena was super emotional, Ena was a tsundere, she was kind of a bitch, she secretly liked getting degraded 24/7. All these things, people wouldn't even question it. They'd laugh and smile and praise her for managing to make so much progress in the face of my adversity."

"But surely no one actually thought that," Mizuki said, "why would she spend so much time with someone who actively hurt her? It's obvious she was making a joke - or was at least trying to. And even if she wasn't, anyone who knew you would know she's mistaken."

"That's the problem Mizuki!" Ena countered, "People didn't know me, and at the end of the day who are you going to believe: the perfect honors student who just overcame a traumatic life experience, or the loser night-school student who's getting made fun of in the first place. And it certainly didn't help when some people thought it would be funny to corroborate the story, jokingly or not."

Mizuki narrowed their eyes and opened their mouth to defend themselves, but nothing came out. Their mind wandered back to what Ena said earlier about when she first met An, and they realized they couldn't deny the validity of her words.

"So now not only did I have to deal with running damage control with half of my friends who didn't know about Mafuyu beforehand, but also with a whole bunch of strangers who thought they knew me!" Ena said, "I was the butt of every joke, other students talked about me under their breaths during class. People who I didn't even know were making whipping sounds whenever I passed them in the hallway. How the fuck was I even supposed to respond to that?"

Mizuki couldn't respond, and wouldn't have, even if they wanted to.

"Don't get it wrong. I'm proud of Mafuyu," Ena whispered, "I'm so proud that she was able to find herself, and I'm happy that she has the chance to experience life for the first time as her own person. But, I wonder sometimes, and I don't really understand..." She trailed off.

"Understand what?"

"...I don't understand why coming into her true self had to involve putting me down so much."

Silence, even the storm seemed to pause outside. Mizuki closed their eyes, hoping on anything this entire thing was a terrible nightmare. All of this was going on, and they had been too blind to see it.

And yet...

"That's why you were for the idea of stopping Nightcord," they said, "and why you stopped coming out with us as a group."

Ena nodded. "I was tired Mizuki. Tired of being the bottom of the totem pole, tired of people talking. I had done everything in my power to help this girl for all of high school, and this is where I ended up," she said, "like I said. I love Mafuyu, but I don't want to see her again, not now."

"Then why not do just that? Why do this?" Mizuki felt a bout of anger in their voice they were helpless to control.

"What do you mean?"

"If you didn't want to see Mafuyu anymore, then why not block her specifically instead of cutting everybody else off? Or better yet, just talk to her." Mizuki exclaimed, "You mean to tell me you feel the same way about Kanade?"

"What? No!" Ena yelled, "Of course not!"

"Then why make her go through this, or anyone else for that matter?"

"Because it's probably what she wants!" Ena exclaimed.

"Yeah? And how the hell do you manage that?"

"I'm grateful for K," Ena's voice quivered, "she gave me a chance to pursue my art and brought us together to begin with. But it was always clear that she liked the idea of me more than the actual me."

"Okay, I know you know how stupid that sounds," Mizuki's voice rose again, "you're saying that about Kanade? Once upon a time, you'd fight someone for saying something half as bad as that, and now you mean to tell me you believe it? That's bullshit."

Ena didn't respond, only grimacing as Mizuki's words cut through the air.

"And I suppose you believe that for everyone else, yeah? All those 'friends' you say you made earlier, really shows how much you care about them if you're just gonna sit up here in Hokkaido in your self-imposed penance while they worry sick for you back at home."

They were angry now, they can't hide it. It's all boiled over. Despite their previous efforts, Mizuki couldn't keep the anger from swelling up as they listened to all this self-righteous bullcrap. It's not right, it's not fair, and it's not true. It might work on some people, but not on them.

After all, it's exactly what they used to do.

"And what about me, Ena?" Their voice was cold, matching Ena's from earlier in the night, "Why am I here in the first place?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Ena screamed.

Their discussion is interrupted by the screech of the radiator bursting. The resulting stillness left both of them reeling, each not able to meet the other's eye. Mizuki felt the burning fire in their stomach start to dissipate leaving behind ashes of exhaustion. They didn't want to keep doing this. They just wanted to go home.

"I have thought about you every single day I've been here," Ena eventually broke the silence, "I wanted to see you so badly. I missed you so much."

"Couldn't have fooled me."

"Do you think I wanted this?" Ena whimpered, "Do you think I was happy to leave all my friends behind? Do you think I liked doing this."

"It's hard to see why you would do it otherwise," Mizuki snapped, "you're on your phone more than enough, you never thought to even send me a message?"

"I...I couldn't," Ena said.

"Yeah? And why's that?" 

"Because it wouldn't have been fair, Mizuki!" Ena yelped, "It wouldn't have been fair to you."

"Ena," Mizuki said, closing their eyes, "for the love of everything, if you have something to say, then say it. I'm not playing these games anymore."

They were projecting, they knew they were projecting, but it didn't matter. In Mizuki's mind, that same intangible finish line that followed them everywhere was becoming more and more real by the minute. 

"I never lied to you," Ena whispered, "you were my favorite person in the whole world. You still are. And that's why it hurt so much to talk to you."

A pause.

"Because it hurt to know that I wasn't yours."

She was looking back at Mizuki now. The packets of moisture once present in her eyes had now graduated into full tears. Long, damp tracks traced her cheeks leaving artifacts upon her gray tank-top. There was a sort of glint in her eyes, one not originating from the tears.

It was the same one Mizuki saw when they first refused to tell her their secret. 

The same look they saw after seeing her artwork get torn asunder by critics acting in questionably good faith.

The same look they saw before she left them.

What did it mean?

"Ena..." They said. A new sensation was building in their stomach. Trepidation. Dread. What had they done? "What does that mean?"

"It's my own fault for getting too attached, I guess," she laughed, "I had the arrogance to think that you'd fall for me, of all people. How could I be so stupid and naive?"

"No, wait, Ena-" the words catch in their throat.

"That's why I never reached out," she whispered, "it hurt too much. And like I said, it wouldn't have been fair to you. You probably saw me as a supportive friend, nothing more. I couldn't keep stringing you along while secretly being in love with you."

Ena sniffed, "I wanted you to come up here to see if things had changed. To figure out if maybe the feelings had subsided with time." She smiled sadly, "but they haven't. I'm still in love with you Mizuki. And that means I can't see you anymore."

They felt like they were falling. Falling into a vast void of unknowing. The entire argument replayed in their head, over and over. They began to connect parts of it, painstakingly going piece by piece in a complex jigsaw puzzle of emotional desperation. Their head spun as they thought about every last thing to happen over the three years they were together. Every questionable joke, every concern brushed away, every unspoken word falling through the cracks.

Ena was crying at this point, a full on break-down. She had given up on trying to hide it. Her knees were hugged to her chest, and her face was burrowed into the fabric of her sweatpants. Any residual anger Mizuki still harbored had long since melted away by this point. All they wanted to do was reach over to her. They wanted to envelop her and press their forehead against hers so tight that the tears couldn't come out. They wanted to whisper in her ear that everything was okay and she was safe with them. They wanted to put her anxieties to rest, to tell her they felt the same all these years.

But they couldn't.

All this time, Mizuki had been under the impression Ena's disappearance was the artifact of a distinct, mysterious instance; that there was a point in time that caused her to withdraw into this self-imposed isolation. They'd assumed that if they identified that point in time, they could do their best to nullify the effects it had on her. But it wasn't that simple, was it? It wasn't a matter of identifying something specific - like a slightly too cruel joke or a critique. It was the realization of three years of treatment that had finally boiled over to this. Mizuki thought they knew Ena better than anyone, but even they couldn't see it. Or maybe they never wanted to. Their reaction to Ena even telling them this in the first place was proof of that.

What right did they have to console her?

Their gaze flickered back to Ena's dresser for a moment, and the realization of what they had to do became ever so obvious. Without a word, Mizuki silently unlocked their phone. Their hands were shaking as they navigated to their contact list, and they yet again found themselves hesitating when it came to pressing it. A thick lump in their throat disrupted them as they tried to speak, their brain taunting them with the final words they might ever say to their most beloved companion.

"Ena," they trembled, "it's okay, I'm going to get you some help. Just hang in there for me, okay?"

She didn't acknowledge them, though it was unclear if she was aware they were still there in the first place. Mizuki slinked into the hallway and brought the phone to their ear, trying to ignore their wet cheek that left strands of moisture on the phone screen. After a few seconds, they heard the sound of the receiver clicking on the other side, along with a sleepy greeting.

"Hey, I'm sorry to call you so late," they said, "I'm with Ena and...and I think she needs you."

They don't remember what happens next. They're barely cognizant. At some point they gave Ena the phone, and at some later point they found themselves in the lobby of her dormitory building. They're sitting next to a couch - not on the couch, that would be too good for them. 

They realize at some point they'll have to go retrieve their phone from Ena, but even that seems like a monumental task. Payphones still exist, right? And they could just buy a new ticket, or have the train conductors look up their old one. Ena knew their address, she'd mail them their phone back. They could live without their other stuff.

The common room is dark, so much so that they're able to blend into the background of the gray carpeted floor. They want to fade into it, to disappear much like they would occasionally do in Sekai. An infinitely gray domain empty of anyone but oneself was a fitting existence for someone like them. They always ended up alone, pushing away anyone that dared get too close with their unserious aloofness. They may as well expedite the process.

Their head sinks into their knees, and countless faces begin to populate in their mind. A crestfallen dark haired girl, a teary eyed, frustrated orange haired boy, a serene woman with white hair who harbored a secret nostalgia for the past. What would they say when they returned? What could they say to them? It was over, they failed.

Despite all the names and faces running through their mind, only one comes out verbally. In that dark room devoid of anything but despair, only one name dare eclipsed their chapped lips, muffled by the cover of their sweater.

"Ena..."

.....

"ena..."

Chapter Text

Like jolting awake from a nightmare, the icy embrace of the cold water hits her in an instant. Entering the barren world of Sekai had never been a particularly enjoyable experience, but the fervency of the action had increased drastically in the last few months. It shouldn't have been a surprise to her; the world was approaching the precipice of its existence, a fact being made more apparent by the day.  She managed to surface and maneuver herself over to 'dry' land. It was strange how much better her swimming capabilities were in this pocket dimension. Her clothes were bone-dry despite the impromptu dip in the lake and the raging storm around her. It didn't even register as odd to her, just another quirk of Sekai. 

Finding them didn't take long. So little of the place was solid ground anymore and what remained always seemed to be guiding them towards that door. Towards oblivion. She found herself running towards it not knowing if the action was conscious or not. Seeing two figures standing near it as it came into view made her stomach drop.

"Rin! Miku!"

The two turned around to face her. If they were surprised she was here, they didn't show it. The taller of the two smiled upon seeing her, a singular beacon of warmth in a frigid, violent wasteland.

"Ena. It's good to see you." Miku said.

"Likewise, Miku," Ena replied, out of breath from running, "I need to talk to Rin."

The smile faded from her face, "I see. I would do that quickly if I were you."

"What? Why? What do you mean-"

And then she saw it. The one thing she so desperately didn't want to see. Rin at the door.

"Rin!" Ena cried, stumbling over herself as she ran to greet her. 

"Ena." The yellow-haired girl said, "Why are you here?"

"Never mind that! What are you doing?" Ena exclaimed.

"What does it look like? I'm going through the door."

"No!" Ena yelled, "You can't leave! Why would you leave?"

"It's my time, Ena," Rin answered matter-of-factly, as if this was something previously discussed, "I thought you would have figured it out by now"

"I didn't think you'd go. Miku is still here, and you showed up just a little after her," Ena reasoned, "I thought you two were safe!"

Rin didn't reply, but her facial expressions made the unsaid obvious. Ena's eyes widened.

"No..."

"It's how it always goes, Ena," Rin said softly, "no matter where we are, it always comes down to this."

"But I'm not ready," Ena whimpered, "I had so much I wanted to talk to you about."

Rin didn't respond, instead studying the girl in front of her with her ever-murky turquoise eyes. She fiddled with her bow for a second before sighing.

"This is a pain."

Ena looked up, the remnants of tears which never really went away still glistening in her eyes.

"Rin?"

" Go ahead. If you're here then I might as well listen."

Ena smiled, forcing her tear ducts shut. She didn't want Rin to see her like this, not if it were the last time.

"I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm leaving for college soon," she said, "which means I'll be leaving my friends behind."

"Okay."

"But I just-" She choked up, "I don't know how I feel about that."

Rin was as quiet as ever.

"I've tried so hard to change over the years," her gaze met the ground, "but I think it was for nothing. I'm still the same scared little girl I was back in Junior High."

She continued, "I want to be better, not just as an artist but as a person. But I can't. I'm still so angry, I don't know if I'm able to not be."

"What are you trying to say, Ena?" Rin asked. Her voice was flat but there was a tinge of compassion hidden within.

Ena sniffled, "Is it okay to run away? To try to start fresh? I don't want to be the bad guy anymore. I don't want to be upset by my friends' growth."

Rin was still quiet. Ena was too scared to look at her for fear that she was already gone. The winds of the collapsing world were so loud she could barely think. Despite that, Rin's soft voice is nothing but clear when she speaks.

"I don't think you were ever the bad guy, Ena."

Ena's breath caught in her throat as she was immediately taken aback by the gentleness in Rin's smile.

"None of you were," she continued, "you were broken and confused. That's all."

"But..." Ena's meek voice echoes, "I've hurt them. They've said as much."

"And they've hurt you; maybe on accident. Everyone hurts someone one way or another."

"Then what you're saying is..." Ena started, "I can't leave. That I'm stupid for feeling this way."

Rin shook her head, "I didn't say that. You can't control how you feel. You can't control how others feel. You need to do what's best for you."

"I don't know if I can."

"Ena," Rin said. She knelt next to her. For a moment Ena expected her to grab her hand, or caress her hair, or something, but it never happened. That wasn't Rin's way.

"If you want to run, that's your decision. No one else can make it for you, and no one can judge you for doing what you think is best. You've done enough, they'll be okay."

"Ahhh," Ena sniffed, wiping away tears, "this sucks. I should have gone to therapy."

"Therapy? What's that?"

"Never mind."

Rin nodded, the momentary smile gone from their face. She stood up, "it's time for me to go."

"Wait! Can you hold on!" Ena jumped up, "If you give me a few minutes I can go back and get that drawing of you I promised to finish."

"No, Ena. I need to go."

"But..." The waterworks were returning, "what if you don't remember me?"

Rin paused, considering the question. She took a step towards the door, making Ena's heart almost explode, but responded before going any further.

"I don't know where I'm going or what's about to happen. But I do know one thing," she paused, "I could never forget you, Ena, even if I wanted to."

"Why you- oh- Dammit!" 

She didn't care that her face was a wreck or that her smudged makeup made her look like a monster. She pounced on Rin, enveloping her in a tight hug. She was so much smaller than her that it felt like she might break. Rin tensed up at first, but soon her arms were around Ena's back as well. It had taken her three years, but Ena finally got a hug out of her. It was impossible to know how long they remained. If she had known, Ena would have insisted it was much too short.

"Are you done?" Rin asked. 

"No, not really," Ena said, pulling away. She forced a smile the best she could, "but I don't want to keep you."

"Good, I want to get this over with."

Rin grasped the door handle and pushed it open, revealing a deep purple mist behind. Although this was Ena's first time seeing what was behind it, she couldn't say the result surprised her very much. It was fitting that the end of what had once been an empty plane was a somehow more empty void.

"This stinks," Rin mumbled. She looked at Ena one last time. Her smile had returned, along with a single tear running down her cheek.

"Goodbye, Ena. Thank you for being my friend."

And then, before Ena can even formulate a proper response, she's gone. The door had the nerve to close quietly, barely making a sound as the lock clicked. Nothing remained, save for the ever-boisterous storm still raging in the background. Ena sank to her knees. At some point she felt a hand on her shoulder, someone doing her best to provide and semblance of comfort. She couldn't even cry anymore, it was like a part of herself had vanished from existence. Minutes, hours, days, maybe years passed before she was able to stand up. She turned to Miku, a parting smile on her lips. 

"Goodbye, Miku."

"Goodbye Ena, I hope you find what you're looking for."

Miku knew, they both knew, this was it. The Sekai hadn't disappeared, not yet, but it may as well have for Ena. She took out her phone, giving Miku one final nod of appreciation, thanks, and any other positive emotion that was communicable non-verbally. Speaking out loud would make her cry again. She navigated to the secret folder where she kept the app and took a deep breath. Ena gave one last look around at the place which had been her sanctuary for the last three years, trying to etch every last part into her mind. She looked at Miku once more, wondering to herself how she now felt about being alone. There was some irony there for sure, but she was too tired to understand it. She steadied herself once more, brought her phone to her chest...

And pressed "Untitled" one last time.

"Ena, I need you to breathe."

What have I done? It's over. Gone. For real this time. There's nothing I can do to salvage this.

"Did you hear me?  Breathe  Ena."

Why did I say that to them? Why didn't I just lie? Why did I even invite them here in the first place? 

"In....and release......that's it. Three seconds in, five seconds out."

I should have just disappeared. Blocked everyone on every. Deleted all my accounts and got a new phone number. That way I wouldn't have even been tempted to do something this stupid.

"You're probably dehydrated, and I doubt those beers helped. Drink some water."

They were right. I should have said something years ago.

"Good! You're doing great. Now, I want you to do something with your hands. Can be anything! Just make sure you  keep  doing it.

But I couldn't. I couldn't do that to them. This act hurt them enough as it was. What would have happened back then?

"Are you doing it? Come on, Ena. Stay with me okay?"

I'm worthless.

"I'm here for you Ena, you can do this."

I'm a coward.

"Alright Ena, talk to me."

I'm nothing.

"Ena?"

.

. 

I should be de-

"ENA!"

Ena was suddenly gasping for air. Her hands instinctually moved to collect her water bottle but found it empty in her right hand. In her left hand was an unfamiliar cell phone, already perched up to her ear.

"Heya? Ena? You still with me."

"Huh, uh, yeah?" 

"Good! I knew you'd get through it!"

It took her a few seconds to register it, but the upbeat tone on the other end of the line was a voice she'd recognize anywhere.

" Airi? "

"It took you this long to realize?" She chided, "Yes, Ena. It's me, in the flesh! Well, not actually I guess."

Ena's head spun, "When did I call you?"

"You didn't. I don't think you could have if you tried." Airi's voice softened, "You were in a pretty bad state from what Mizuki told me."

Ena was perplexed for a moment before it all came back to her at once. Her eyes widened in horror as she remembered the events that transpired.

"AGH, no wait!" Airi seemed to sense her reaction over the phone, "Stop! Don't start thinking about them! Not yet at least."

"Airi," Ena croaked, "I think I ruined it for good this time."

"Shhh, I said stop thinking," Airi said, "I mean it! You haven't even said "hello' to me yet!"

"Wha-? Oh. Sorry." Ena said sheepishly, "Um, hi Airi, how's it going?"

"Great now that I'm talking to you!" Her cheerful voice returned, "It feels like it's been forever, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, we haven't talked since you went on tour. That was just before the summer ended, right?"

"Mhm! After we did that hike! Which by the way you  never  sent me the pictures from."

"Aha, sorry, the first semester of school kinda kicked my ass."

"Oh yeah? Tell me about it, Ms. Hotshot Artist."

"What? No way! I want to hear about your tour adventures," there was a rising excitement in her voice now, "how's Shizuku? Did her sister's group ever open for you?"

"Ack, I think that was a pipedream more than anything," Airi admitted, "mostly because I don't think Shiho has even mentioned it to her band yet."

"What? How could she do that!"

"I know right? Poor Shizuku!" 

It was pleasant, for a moment at least, as two shared small anecdotes and stories. Airi talked about her experiences being an indie idol group on tour, while Ena explained why snowfall in Hokkaido was somehow worse for her psyche than the never-ending onslaught of art assignments. It was light conversation, nothing of substance. Normal. Ena didn't do normal, not anymore. So when Airi's tone sombered, she wasn't the slightest bit shocked.

"Are you feeling better?" Airi asked.

Ena's heart sank, "no, not really."

"Okay! Then my job's not done."

"I don't know if I can feel better Airi," Ena said, "you're wasting your time."

"Ena, come on now, don't get all down on me," Airi said, "where's that drive I always admired about you?"

"I think it's gone. It's  been  gone. Ever since I ran away..."

"Ena," Airi's voice soothed.

Ena choked, "I fucked it up Airi. I fucked it all up with everyone."

"That's not true. I  know  it's not true."

"How?"

"Because about fifteen minutes ago a  very  cute special someone called me in a panic because they were worried sick about you. I don't think someone who doesn't care about you would bother to do that."

"Mizuki..."

"Ding ding ding!"

"Airi you don't understand. They're only trying to be nice. I just burned that bridge.  More  than burned it. I....I...."

"What would be worse than burning a bridge? That's probably the worst result you could get."

" Airi! "

"Right! Right, I'm sorry," Airi snickered, "but I think you're being a little dramatic, yeah?"

Ena didn't respond. She wanted to cry but her body wouldn't let her. It had used up her reserve of tears and then some.

"Hey, listen," Airi said, her voice returning to the ever-gentle tone she always pulled out whenever Ena needed it most, "can you talk to me? Like really talk to me. Mizuki informed me of the basics, but can you tell me what happened these last few months?"

Ena sighed, "Are you sure you want to know?"

"Of course!"

"Even if it means you'll hate me afterward?"

"You're my best friend, I don't think that's possible. Unless...oh no, don't tell me you finally snapped and killed Akito, did you?"

"N-No!" Ena exclaimed, not quite able to stiffen her laugh, "hang on, that would make you hate me?"

"Duh! He's such a good little brother I couldn't bear to see anything happen to him." 

"Incorrect."

"And he's  definitely  the first person to have a crush on me. I can't have you defacing my history like that."

" EW Stop!!!"

"What's wrong, Ena? You don't want me as a sister?"

"You're not the problem with that scenario," Ena groaned, "Gah! I can't believe you'd bring that up now. I should hang up!"

"Well, before you do," Airi said, "can you please tell me what's going on?"

Ena sighed and took a deep breath. It was pointless to keep hiding. If the roles were reversed, Ena wouldn't let Airi get out of this. The same was true for the current situation. 

"Yeah, okay..."

Mizuki hadn't moved.

How much time had passed? An hour? Two? It's still Saturday at least, they hadn't blacked out for a day. They'd have to move at some point, either out of restlessness or necessity, but that still felt like a while off. They'd meshed with the carpet at this point, its gray threads becoming an extension of their headspace. Their mind wandered back to memories of Sekai, but they pushed the thoughts out of their brain as fast as they came. After all, those memories involved her. They couldn't think about her, it would hurt too much.

The sound of a door shutting echoed faintly through the building. Probably a custodian. Maybe they'd find them here and it would be the jump they needed to move. They weren't sure what they were going to do once they actually did move, but it likely involved a cold trek to the train station. A somehow more pleasant alternative than facing their failure.

They can't keep from thinking about her, but they at least focus their thoughts this time. That glint they'd seen in her eyes so many times before. They knew what it was now. There was a token of sadness in it, and maybe some regret as well, but the true underlying emotion behind that look was acceptance. A reluctant, melancholic acceptance of the circumstances she'd been given. She didn't fight back, she didn't sit and sulk, she accepted her situation and moved on. 

If they'd realized that at the time, would anything have changed?

Another door slammed shut, it was closer this time. This was how it was going to go, wasn't it? Maybe they'd ask the janitor for a ride to the station, or use their phone to call for a taxi. Either way, they didn't have a jacket and the first train back wouldn't arrive until the morning. They weren't certain what they'd do, but they'd burn that bridge when they got to it. It was what they were best at, after all.

The door to the common room opened, letting in a draft of cold air which made them shiver. This was it. 

Time to go home.

The other side of the phone was quiet. Ena sat motionless on the bed, her shoulders slowly rising up and down as she tried to catch her breath. She had told Airi everything. Everything from the teasing, her desire to change, how others perceived her, and how self-conscious that made her. She told her about waiting for Mizuki, about Mafuyu running away from home, and how she treated her afterward. She didn't mention Sekai, because she decided long ago that if she were to get checked into a psych ward it would be through her own volition and not somebody else's. Ena hadn't wanted to rant, but it was hard not to, especially when Airi offered little to the other conversation besides affirmations of understanding and the occasional clarifying question. Regardless, it was over, and she waited in tense anticipation to discover if she lost yet another friend.

"Well?" She managed to squeak.

"That's...a lot," Airi conceded.

"I tried to warn you."

"I didn't say I was upset!" Airi clarified, "Just that it was a lot."

Ena sighed, "Go ahead. Let me have it."

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?"

"This is the part where you tell me I'm being over-dramatic and hot-headed, right? That I need to get a thicker skin and stop pushing everyone away?"

"Ena," she could almost see Airi's shoulders sag with a sad smile, "I wouldn't tell you that."

She doesn't respond.

"I've always thought some of the ribbing Mizuki would hit you with was a little questionable," Airi said, "and I wasn't aware of how much some people ran with the Mafuyu comments..."

She continued, "But either way, I think your emotions are justified. That does eat away at you, and I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you when you needed it."

"Thank you," her voice was weak, "it's okay."

" But..."

Here it comes.

"I guess I'm just curious, do you think they ever meant it to be harmful?"

Ena sighed, "Probably not. Like I said, I didn't communicate that very well, if at all."

"Okay, so knowing that," she paused, "do you still resent them?"

"I was upset at the moment, but now? Not really, to be honest. Yeah, they went a bit far sometimes, but I could have been better about addressing them. It wasn't like they caused those issues in the first place."

"Great! So, what's the problem then?"

"Wha- what?" Ena floundered.

"If you don't think it's bothering you anymore, then Mizuki can apologize and you can forgive them! You can work out the details afterward."

"It's not that simple, Airi."

"Really? I think it is!" Airi continued. "It seems like you two are just bad at communicating. Heh, no offense."

"What!? I'm great at communicating!"

"Are you  sure  about that?"

"Yes, it's just..." Ena started, "It's different this time. Didn't you hear me?? I didn't talk to them for months. They hate me!"

"We've already established that's not true," Airi said.

"Well, what about the stuff with Mafuyu? Or abandoning everyone."

"One step at a time Ena," Airi said gently, "ha. I don't agree with you about it being a negative thing, but you really haven't changed much from when we were kids."

"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?" Ena said, feeling strangely defensive.

"Whenever you do anything, whether it's art or music or whatnot, you jump in headfirst. That's great! But then you always try to bite off more than you can chew. Remember the time in junior high when you took one ceramic class and then tried to make a bust of my head? I still have the necklace you made from the fragments when it shattered!"

"Ugh, why would you remind me of that."

"See! It's true," Airi laughed, "I genuinely don't mean it in a bad way Ena. I've always admired how you're able to commit yourself fully to anything. But I want you to know that you're allowed to take things one step at a time. You've got a bunch of things going through your head right now, silence all of them! Focus on Mizuki. That's clearly what's bothering you the most, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Okay! So deal with that! When you're done, you can work on the other stuff - Mafuyu, your other friends, Nightcord. Take one thing at a time so you don't overwhelm yourself. Who knows, maybe Mizuki will be able to help you out, or offer you a perspective we both missed!"

"But it's not that simple," Ena reiterated, "what if they don't want to make up?"

"It's Mizuki, your Mizuki, they will."

"How do I even go about fixing things in the first place?"

"I think Ena, you'll have to do what you do best," Airi goaded, "which is talking to them. I can't tell you what to say, I don't know what's going through your head! But I can tell you this: nothing you've told me has led me to believe that things are beyond fixing. Just talk to them, really talk to them this time. Take a deep breath, drink some water, and don't give up! It's the Ena special!"

Ena sighed, rubbing her temple with her hands, "You really are annoying when you're right sometimes, you know that?"

"Hah!"

"I don't deserve you."

"Sure you do!"

"Debatable."

"Fine, be that way," Airi pouted, "here if you insist on talking like that, you can make it up to me when I'm home for the holidays."

"Yeah? How?"

"Duh, we're gonna go shopping! Ooo, and bring Akito! I wanna see if he still gets flustered when I compliment his outfits."

" STOPPPPP."

More laughter. Ena still didn't think she deserved to laugh, but it would be rude to ruin the moment.

"Thank you Airi, I mean it," she said softly, "you mean a lot to me, and I'm sorry if I don't say that enough."

"Oh, Ena," Airi said, "you don't need to say it, you've always made it very apparent. We'll talk later. Go get your Mizuki, love ya."

"Love you too."

The line went dead, leaving Ena alone once again. She took a deep breath and did her best to ground herself in the moment. Her room was a mess on account of the board game pieces strewn over the floor along with the various empty food and drink containers. It wasn't doing wonders at putting her at ease, but cleaning was tomorrow's project. There was something she needed to do and she had a sick feeling that it might be time-sensitive. Where had Mizuki even gone? How could she make up an excuse to talk to them?

As if on cue, the phone in her hand buzzed. She looked down and saw an unfamiliar contact name flash on the screen along with a string of messages. 

An 😹✨:  Mizuki!!! How goes the mission?

An 😹✨:  Have you talked to Ena about staying with us yet? We just moved the spare sleeping mat in today!

An 😹✨: Did she like her plushie 🥺🥺🥺

An 😹✨:  ALSO look at these cute pictures Kohane and I took today

An 😹✨ : [Message Preview too big. Download 63 images?]

"Jeez," Ena mumbled to herself, though she couldn't quite prevent a smile from reaching her face.

Great, she now not only knew what she had to do, but also had an excuse to see Mizuki again. Now all that was left was to actually do it.

Much easier said than done.

No, not now. I can do this. 

That's right. No more thinking, only doing. Ena steeled her nerves one final time and sprung up from the bed. She hastily collected a few materials and opened the door to her dorm room, getting an immediate chill from the unheated building. After one last steadying breath, she hurried to the stairwell.

Hang in there Mizuki.

,,,

Hang in there.

The door had been open for long enough for the room to have gotten much colder. Mizuki was shivering and desperately hoping the custodian would yell at them already so they could leave this place for good. Enough time had passed that revealing themselves would be awkward, and engaging in another terrible social interaction an hour after the previous one would be enough to break them. All they could do was stew in their thoughts and wait.

So when they felt the sudden sensation of something warm being draped over their shoulders, the only reaction they could muster was one of utter bewilderment.

"Wh-huh?!"

"You must be freezing," a gentle voice said. Mizuki would know it anywhere, which was why their stomach dropped after hearing it.

"...Ena?"

"Yeah.  Ena."

They felt her sit down on the floor next to them. Not close, but not far away either. The faint whispers of her perfume tickled their nose, just barely unsuccessful at coaxing them to look up. 

It was still for a while, a running motif of this ill-fated trip. Mizuki didn't dare move and Ena seemed content enough sitting in silence. They weren't sure what she expected them to do, nor if she was expecting anything. In Mizuki's mind, the longer they sat in silence, the longer they could pretend nothing was wrong. Eventually, they heard her sigh, and they clutched their legs closer to their body as they braced for the inevitable.

"Not talkative, huh?"

Here it comes.

Mizuki felt another weight on them, this time atop their knees.

"Alright, let's see if you were telling the truth the other day," Ena said, her voice almost playful, "think that'll be enough to comfort you?"

A cocktail of curiosity and confusion was what ultimately caused Mizuki to look up. They raised their head at a snail's pace, their eyes widening upon seeing what Ena had placed upon them. It was the brown cat plushie, staring at them with those big, stupid eyes.

"I still think it looks dumb, I'm not sure how I feel about you likening it to me."

Mizuki's attention was snatched away by Ena, who was holding up the corresponding pink plushie next to them.

"But I guess if it's going both ways I can deal with it."

Mizuki sighed and refixed their gaze on the plush in front of them, letting its cold, stupid, judgmental glare cut into them. They heard the creak of the couch as Ena leaned into it, still stroking the plushie as if nothing was amiss.

"Thank you for taking care of me up there," she eventually whispered.

"It's not like I did much," Mizuki muttered, somewhat surprised their brain was able to formulate a coherent response.

'You called Airi and made sure I was cerebral enough to talk to her," Ena said, "that's something."

"Why are you here, Ena?"  Mizuki questioned.

"Because I don't like how things transpired upstairs," Ena said, "I was hoping we could talk again. This time like, you know, adults. Bleh, we're getting old."

"Hmph."

"Listen Mizuki," they heard her shift to face her, "there's been a lot unsaid between us throughout the years. Some good, some bad, some in the middle. I don't want to unpack it all tonight, we couldn't if we tried, but at the very least can we try to make sure we're okay before you go?"

They glanced up, struck by how placid her face was. It was a far cry from what she looked like when Mizuki left her. 

"Airi said we were bad at communicating," Ena said with a small smile, "I want to prove her wrong." 

They looked away, not letting themselves get lost in her amber eyes as they'd done so many times in the past. They squeezed the cat plush tighter and took a deep breath, closing their eyes to refocus their mind. 

One. More. Chance.

"Okay, Ena."

Mizuki cast their gaze upon their closest confidant, doing their best to match her tender expression and quell those stubborn tears.

"Okay."

Chapter Text

She insisted that they sit on the couch as opposed to the floor, though that may have been putting it gently. Ena was none-too-happy upon discovering that Mizuki didn't have a coat with them. It wasn't like she had brought one either, but that fact wasn’t brought up for some suspicious reason. Hypocrite.

Despite her earlier proclamation, Ena hadn't said anything else to Mizuki yet, seemingly content enough to just curl into the armrest of the couch in silence. They wondered if she was waiting for them to speak first, but she'd be here all night if that were the case. They were surprised to see her again after their earlier altercation, and it wasn't entirely unwelcome, but Mizuki wasn't too keen on talking just yet. They were in the thick of processing everything and the results of said processing led them to the conclusion that maybe talking wasn't what they should be doing right now.

How did they feel? Frustrated? Angry? Annoyed? Probably a mixture of all three and more. "Traveling ten hours via train and bus to reunite with your best friend only for said best friend to turn around and tell you they've been mad at you for years and, surprise, you didn't have any way of knowing," was, to put lightly, not something Mizuki was thrilled about. Knowing what they knew now, they weren't even fully sure Ena considered them friends to begin with. Simply put, their usual demeanor was struggling to come through at the moment.

However...

They couldn't just shake all the feelings away. It was Ena. Ena. Did they really believe any of those things about her? Sure, looking back it was obvious that she was hurting for some time, but it wasn't all bad, was it? If it were then she would have cut ties with them much sooner. It's not like it would have been hard, she went to night school alone as it was and Nightcord wasn’t exactly an extracurricular requirement. If she was truly unhappy then she could have left. However, there was also the argument that she was just doing all of this in the first place to feed some weird savior complex.

No, stop extrapolating .

That's right. Deep breaths. Mizuki couldn't know anything for sure until they just talked to her. That was what they came here to do in the first place, wasn't it? The circumstances were different at the time, and maybe the goal was ill-fated to begin with, but they traveled all this way to talk with Ena, to communicate . That’s what they should be doing now.

But what could they even say? What did they want to say? Even if they were good at this kind of stuff - and their track record pointed at that idea being decidedly untrue -  they couldn't tackle everything all at once, Ena herself said as much. So much stuff had gone unsaid through the years, what if saying it now opened a Pandora's box of heartbreak? What if not saying it at all led to something worse?

They weren't going to get anywhere by just sitting here, they needed to say something . This was all so frustrating, they wished Ena would give up on her game of chicken and break the silence for them. She always used to do that whenever they had one of their mini-scuffles or when she sensed they were hiding something. She’d grumble some excuse to talk to them, and they’d go from there, mending any problem they had within minutes. Maybe if their conversation from earlier hadn't blown up the way it did then things would be easier. They wished they hadn't yelled...

"I'm sorry for yelling earlier," Mizuki blurted.

Smooth .

"It's okay," Ena said, "same here, I should have been more civil. We both should have, I guess."

"Yeah."

Another deep breath. They could do this. Mizuki just had to keep in mind that the mission had changed. They weren't there to bring Ena home, not anymore, that ship had sailed. They instead had to focus on repairing any semblance of a relationship they previously had with her. No matter how difficult, no matter how much it hurt. It was funny, they thought that their original mission had zero room for failure, but that was before they made it here. 

They'd already lost the silence match versus Ena, there was no point in keeping quiet any longer. Mizuki steeled themselves again and spoke.

"How long have you felt this way?" They asked.

"Since the end of spring, that's when I realized it, anyways."

"And how about before you realized?"

Ena let out a heavy exhale, "couldn't say. At least a year, maybe more."

"I see," Mizuki shifted restlessly in the blanket, having not yet summoned the confidence to look at the woman sitting next to her, "so this entire time..." They trailed off.

"Go on," Ena reassured.

"This entire time..." Acidic tears begin to burn their eyes, "You didn't like hanging out with us. With me?"

They were being selfish, they knew that. But it was like Ena said, they wouldn't be able to get to everything. If Mizuki could deduce how Ena felt about them, maybe it would be a catalyst into some other more important stuff.

"No, Mizuki," Ena sighed, "that- I'm...of course I still liked being with you. I didn't mean to make you think otherwise, though in hindsight I get how it’s kind of hard to not get that idea."

Mizuki slowly nodded, tightening their grip on the cat plush hidden away under the folds of the blanket.

"It's just...sure we'd go back and forth with each other at times, and some of those times may have gone over the line, and sometimes I think I was looking for something that maybe you couldn't provide," Ena said.

"Like what?" Mizuki asked. They made sure their tone wasn't interrogatory, it was a genuine question.

"I guess I was...looking for support," she conceded, "not that you didn't provide that at times, but..."

"You don't need to mince words," Mizuki whispered, "I know I could be a bit...much."

"Right," they could feel Ena's sad smile in the dark.

"It wasn't anything against you. It was just hard to turn it off. Especially after so many years."

"You don't need to explain, Mizuki. It was a defense mechanism," Ena said, "that's why I never pushed, nor why I didn't blame you. I still don't blame you, for however much that's worth now."

"I just wished you tried to reach out," Mizuki said, "I know you might not believe me but I would have listened, I would have taken you seriously. You were my best friend."

Ena laughed, "I think I was waiting for someone to reach out to me , for some dumb reason. Unconsciously I put that onus on you, which wasn't fair."

Mizuki didn't respond right away, instead thinking of all the times they almost reached out. New Year's, Nightcord meetings, after they came out to her. What would be different if they had just asked a basic question? An "Are you okay?" or something to that effect. Maybe a better question was why they didn't in the first place.

"You always seemed to have your crap together," Mizuki formulated, "not at the beginning of course - er, no offense."

"None taken."

"Hah. But yeah, after you started going back to art classes you seemed to have your life back on track. I know you had issues with your dad, and you could never be satisfied with anything you made, but besides that...." Mizuki stole a look at Ena, "that's why I never reached out. I couldn't see what was underneath the surface. I'm sorry, Ena. I'm really sorry."

"You couldn't have known," Ena smiled, "it's fine Mizuki. You don't have to apologize. I know I said some nasty things earlier, but it really wasn't your fault. I didn't give you a chance to get in."

Mizuki groaned, "That doesn't change the fact I still hurt you though."

"It is what it is," Ena said matter-of-factly, "I guess Airi's right, we're just bad at communication."

"Clearly."

Quiet. Stillness. Bout one over. That wasn't so bad. But they weren't done, far from it. At least the two established they were capable of talking to each other.

"Another thing," Mizuki closed their eyes, "I'm sorry for joking about your weight, or your body type. And I guess by extension implying to Mafuyu that it was something okay to joke about. You were right earlier, you never pushed those lines. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. Full stop."

Ena didn't respond right away, Mizuki heard her shift on the couch. When she did speak, her voice was shaky.

"Thank you."

"For what it's worth, I never meant it. I always saw it as a joke, but that doesn't mean it was okay. It was a shitty thing to joke about."

"I know," Ena whispered, "a part of me always knows, but it's still hard to shut that stupid voice in my brain up. Like no matter what I do it keeps telling me I look ugly, or I need another filter on my picture."

Mizuki felt themselves choking up as well, they wanted to reach over and hug her, but they couldn't now. They weren't there anymore, not yet. All they could do was listen, which was something they should have been doing for years. 

"It's not your fault that I feel this way, of course, it’s something I’ve struggled with ever since I was in Junior High," Ena continued, "but the jokes didn't help matters, so thank you for apologizing."

"Yup..."

"Alright..." Ena smiled. Mizuki couldn't tell how forced it was, "what else? I really didn't give you any room up there, I'm sure you have more questions."

Mizuki tried to smile back, but it faded before it fully set. They sighed, rubbing their temple with one of their hands. Ena was right, about the questions that was, they had so many.

One thing at a time .

"I guess the biggest thing," they started, "I'm still confused about why you never told me in the first place. If it's fully because I was abrasive that's fine, you can tell me. But was there more to it?" 

"Yeah," Ena sighed, "probably."

"Can you tell me then? Please?"

Ena stiffened. The rusty springs creaked again as she adjusted her weight, along with the sound of a crack as her vertebrae popped into place. 

"After everything that happened with you and Mafuyu and Kanade, it felt like we were in a good place after we graduated," Ena said, "and most issues I had were infrequent enough that I could just ignore them. I don't know, I didn't want to rock the boat."

"Ena..."

"Maybe you're right, maybe there was some part of me that wanted to be a martyr. I kept telling myself that if you three were okay then I'd be satisfied enough. I see now that's not the healthiest mindset to have."

"No, no it isn't."

"Or maybe it was something completely different." Ena shrugged, "I don't know. I wish I had more of an answer for you, something more concrete. But I don't know for sure at the end of the day."

"I understand," Mizuki said, "believe me, I do. I hate how my brain works sometimes."

Another bout of silence. At least now the sound of the snowstorm outside was making itself present; instilling a frigid atmosphere not entirely broken by the ancient radiator.

"While we're at it," Ena said, "none of this is an excuse. I shouldn't have left you out to dry for half a year. That wasn't right of me, regardless of my feelings, I'm sorry."

Mizuki nodded, again shutting their eyes as they did, "I was worried about you."

"I know."

"I was scared you were going to try to disappear again, or come back changed for the worse."

"I'm sorry."

"During the first month after you left, the first thing I'd do when I woke up was check all my social media apps. At first, I was hoping to see a message from you. But as time went on, I started preparing myself for the worst, day in and day out. I was afraid to see a message from Akito or Airi that said you were gone." They opened their eyes, which were now damp with the traces of tears, "I don't want to feel like that again. I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," Ena said, her voice cracking again, "It won't happen again."

"Promise?"

"I promise, one hundred percent."

"Okay, good."

Ena shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She opened her mouth to speak again but decided against it. Mizuki realized at that moment that they weren't the only one that had questions. After all, Ena had kept quiet about so much for so long. It wouldn’t be fair for only Mizuki to get answers.

"What are you thinking about?" They asked softly.

"Something stupid, probably."

"I'm all ears."

Ena sighed, "I know I didn't phrase it the right way earlier, but I still want to know."

"Know what?" Alarms started firing in Mizuki's head.

"What made me fair game?" She whispered, "I know it's my fault for not bringing up how much the teasing could bother me, and you don't need to explain why you weren't as hard on Mafuyu and Kanade. But I still want to know, why me?"

Mizuki turned to face her, their face now plastered in a mix of embarrassment and confusion, "Seriously?"

"What? It's a fair question."

Mizuki sighed, rubbing their temple with their hands, "You're actually gonna make me say it?"

"Yeah? It only seems fair, given that we're airing our grievances. If it's that big a deal then I can drop it. "

"Ena," Mizuki said, finally unable to keep their face from flushing, " how are you this dense?"

She put her hands on her hips, "Excuse me! What is that supposed to mean?"

"I liked you!" Mizuki exclaimed, "You dingus."

Ena stared blankly at them, "huh?"

"I thought you would have figured it out eventually. We literally held hands on New Year's!" Mizuki blushed.

"Yeah, but- but that was just because I was sad! You were just comforting me!" Ena paused, " Right ?"

" Ena . I've comforted plenty of people over the years. Of those people, I've effectively cuddled with one of them."

"Who?" Ena stammered, "m-me?!"

"Yes!"

"No, hang on I don't believe you," Ena insisted, "I would have picked up on this at some point! I could always read what you were thinking, there's no way I would have missed something like this."

"That's what I thought! That's why I'm so confused ! I thought you at least realized it and didn't say anything!" 

"But...then why didn't you say anything?" Even in the dark, Mizuki could tell that Ena's face was bright red.

"I wanted to," Mizuki said, "but I never found the right time. I obviously didn't want to bring it up before I came out to you. And by the time I worked up the courage you were already starting to drift away. I never had the chance." They drew back, "that's why I told Kandae and Mafuyu first, by the way."

Ena took a sharp breath and sheepishly averted her gaze, "I see."

"I didn't realize it then, but that bothered you a bit, didn't it?"

"Yeah," Ena's voice was barely audible, "More than I want to admit."

"I wanted to tell you first, I really did. I didn't doubt that you'd be supportive, but I was also considering confessing my feelings at the time and..." They trailed off, "I didn't know how. So I went to Kanade and Mafuyu first and asked them for advice."

"And? What'd they suggest?"

Mizuki sighed, "What do you think?"

"I didn't want to say anything, but yeah, you probably had better options to go to for that. More...emotionally intelligent options."

"It seemed appropriate, given the situation.:

Ena didn't respond, simply sitting in stunned silence as Mizuki's brain navigated being on DEFCON 1. They wished they could muster up some sort of funny remark or quip like they usually did, but everything was drawing a blank. They were truly baffled that Ena had not realized this fact until now, and even more confused at how they arrived at this conversation in the first place. When they had given up on confessing, they figured that Ena simply just didn't feel the same way. Processing what she said earlier in the night had been a shock, but there was still some level of denial there. Maybe by the time she realized her feelings it was too late, or maybe she didn't want to rock the boat before going off to college. Discovering that she was among the most oblivious people of all time was not something Mizuki was prepared for.

What could they even say?

Ena summarized it perfectly, "Shit."

Shit indeed .

After a considerable pause, Ena cleared her throat and spoke again, "I know the answer now. But before my little meltdown , did you...still feel that way?"

"Yeah," Mizuki took a deep breath, "Yeah, I did."

"I see," Ena responded, disappointment heavy in her voice, "I'm sorry, then. add it to the list of things I've managed to screw up."

"Not necessarily." Their mouth moved faster than their brain again.

Ena raised an eyebrow but didn't offer anything in response, leaving Mizuki to stew in embarrassment. Was this it? Was this about to be the culmination of two years of emotions?. They felt their palms start to sweat and their heart rate quickened. It had to be. What else were they supposed to do? One more deep breath before their shaky voice filled the air.

"I can't just drop the feelings like that," they mumbled, "I still like you, Ena. Even after all that's happened. How could I not?"

She read them like a book, knowing that their confession couldn't end there, " But...."

Mizuki took a deep breath, doing their best to blink away the sudden arrival of tears. Keep going .

"It's too late, isn't it?" For the umpteenth time in the last week Mizuki was ashamed at how pathetic their voice sounded, "I missed my chance."

Her voice responded carefully and deliberately, "What do you mean?"

"I should have told you while you were still in Tokyo." Mizuki’s breaths were heavy and they could feel themselves beginning to hyperventilate, "then maybe you would have stayed. Maybe we'd all still be together. Maybe you wouldn't hate me. You keep saying you messed everything up, but it wasn't you Ena. It was me. It's always me."

Tears were streaming down Mizuki's cheeks at this point. The full weight of the situation had hit them like a semi-truck, and the realization that they'd lost something more than a friend was not something so easily reconciled. Within a matter of seconds all progress they’d made in the last half-hour felt completely void of meaning. Maybe the two of them would be able to repair their relationship, maybe they could see Ena more than once every six months, maybe the two of them could even get back to the borderline inseparable bond they'd used to have. But there was one thing that they'd never be able to rebuild. They couldn't. Not after everything they'd done. Why? Why did it take them so long to realize what they'd had in front of them this entire time?

"Mi-Mizuki," they heard Ena say. They couldn't look at her now, it hurt too much. Mizuki instead heard her shift again. Was she leaving? That made sense. She was probably leavin-

" Mizuki ," they jumped, startled by how close her voice was. Mizuki wearily looked in her direction. Ena was inches away with only the blanket separating the two of them. Her hand was caressing Mizuki's shoulder. It was freezing.

"I don't hate you," she whispered, "I don't. I swear."

"How could you not?" Mizuki sniffed.

" Breathe , Mizuki," she said, "you're going to give yourself a heart attack."

"I- I..."

"Listen to me Mizuki, listen closel- I said breathe!"

"I'm trying!"

"Goodness," Ena conceded. She smiled at Mizuki, and they suddenly felt her cold fingers around their hand, "I don't hate you, Mizuki. I could never hate you. All that happened was one of our classic "Ena & Mizuki" arguments. We just let this one fester for too long. It won't happen again. I know it won't."

"Even after everything..."

"Yes! It's like I keep saying, I don't blame you! Are you even listening?"

Mizuki didn't respond. They gingerly allowed their fingers to curl around Ena's and were subsequently met with her squeezing back.

"If you need some time to process things, I can give you space," she said, "but please Mizuki, please understand I don't hate you."

"I don't want space," Mizuki blurted out, "I mean...if you're telling the truth. I just got you back, after all. W-wait, sorry! I didn't mean it like that!"

Ena laughed. Mizuki felt her squeeze their hand again. What was this feeling? Why did things feel...normal? Why did they feel warm?

"I'm happy to have you back, Mizuki," Ena said, "and for what it's worth, my feelings haven't gone away either. I meant everything I said earlier. The good parts, at least."

Mizuki whirled their head around to face her, "Ena?"

"Oh geez, now you're gonna make me say it aloud," she blushed.

"I don't understand. How could you feel that way? How could you still...love someone like me."

" Mizuki ," they're caught off-guard again by how her voice cuts through their heart, "I spent six months away from you. Not a day went by when I didn't think about how much I missed you. Your perfect, silky hair that I envied to no end, your eccentric clothes that are so profoundly you , your dumb laugh that makes my stupid heart flutter. I think a better question would be how could I not love someone like you?"

Mizuki's heart was racing, "even with all the teasing?"

" Yes Mizuki, even with all the teasing."

"But we're so far away now..."

"I waited for you for three years. I can wait twelve hours."

"What if it's not healthy? We just got into a big argument! What if people say things?"

"Then those people can go pound cement. I don't care what anyone thinks."

"But what if-"

"Mizuki," Ena cut them off, "forget about all the 'what-ifs,' what do you want?"

Mizuki opened their mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Their gaze traveled downwards as their brain began to sprint.

"If the answer is no, I won't be upset," Ena whispered. Mizuki felt her grip loosen on their hand, "we can go back to normal. I promise."

"N-No..."

They snapped their attention back to Ena, frightening her. They squeezed her hand as hard as they could and furrowed their brow.

"I don't want that. I don't want to go back to how we were before."

Ena recovered from the scare and recomposed herself, nodding in response.

"Of course I liked you back then, and I enjoyed our friendship," Mizuki formulated, "even when I was planning on confessing to you, I still wasn't entirely sure what I wanted. But now is different. I know what I want."

Ena shifted closer to them, "And that is?"

"I want to hold your hand as we walk through the mall," they started, "I want to drag you to a bunch of weird clothes shops. We won’t be allowed to leave until we find something cute for the other person to wear."

Ena grinned, "Good start, though I think we’ve done that before. Is that all?"

Mizuki shook their head, "I want to go out to brunch on weekends. I'd have to call you like seven times to make sure you woke up in time, and then you'd get mad and we'd have one of our stupid arguments while feeding each other pancakes and french toast."

"I really think you're overestimating how hard I am to wake up, but fine, fair enough."

"I want to visit you during your semester," Mizuki continued, their voice growing softer, "You'd be painting at your easel with a scowl on your face, and I'd come up behind and hug you. You'd act all flustered like you were upset I interrupted you, but I would know you're secretly happy that someone is forcing you to take a break. Then I'd kiss you on the cheek and you'd finally return the hug."

"That's a bit specific."

"But that's totally the reaction you'd have, right?"

"No comment."

"Fine, but I'm not done," Mizuki's expression grew serious once again, "I want to know you. Like really know you. I thought I did back when we were in Nightcord together, but I realize now that I didn't have the full picture, I was missing pieces. I have those pieces now, and I want to do things right this time and finish the puzzle. I want to tell secrets to each other and giggle while we're snuggling underneath the duvet. I want to take photos together on the beach or the mountains so I can shove it in people's faces and look at you whenever I’m feeling lonely. I want to go tell your dad to get bent after you win a bunch of art contests. I want to use you as a model for dress ideas I have that would totally make you look cute as hell. I want you to come over for the holidays at my parent's house and watch in horror as they tell you embarrassing stories about me. I want to watch the sun-rise on New Year's again, only this time my resolution won't be to confess to you, because I've already done it."

Mizuki gasped, out of breath. They hadn't realized how long they'd been talking. They studied Ena's face while they recovered, seeing her expression morph between excitement, annoyance, bashfulness, and hope. That look in her eye Mizuki always feared was nowhere to be seen. It made sense, she was no longer coming to terms with a stagnant future, she was thinking of one where the possibilities were endless.

"One last thing," Mizuki said. They took Ena's hand again, "this one is important."

Ena scoffed, "You're being awfully needy."

Mizuki smiled and shook their head, "Ena, I want you to come home with me."

Ena's face fell, and she averted her gaze from them. 

"You've been telling me all night that you don't hate me, well it's my turn to tell you that nobody hates you either! Everybody wants to see you, Ena."

"But I've let them all down."

"No you haven't. I can assure you nobody thinks that."

"But..." she choked on her words. Mizuki found themselves beginning to embrace her. She was cold, fragile, like a dove who’d hurt its wing.

"You don't have to go to your house. You don't have to see anyone you don't want to. Please, Ena. Come back for the holidays. Stay with me, or An, or Airi, or whoever! Just come home." They paused, "I've waited so long for this moment, I don't want it to end immediately."

Mizuki could tell that Ena was full-on crying now, but she was doing her best to hide it. "You really think it's okay for me to come back?"

"Yes! Absolutely!"

"I don't want to bother anyone, or get in the way."

"You aren't a bother," Mizuki's own words were masked with tears at this point, "You've never been a bother."

They felt Ena's arms wrap around their torso and responded by squeezing her tighter. Neither of them said anything, only occasionally stifling a cry. Mizuki could feel their eyelids growing heavy.

"Come home, Ena."

She clutched them tighter in response.

"Come home." They repeated. "I need to hear you say it."

"I want to," her muffled voice said.

"Then do it!"

A few more agonizing seconds of silence. If Mizuki hugged her any tighter they would risk injuring her. All they could do was wait and focus on the rhythm of her breaths. After an eternity. she gingerly pulled away from them. Her face was coated in tears, but her mouth was curled into a soft smile. Mizuki felt their heart jump out of their chest. They held their breath in anticipation for that one, sweet word.

"Okay."

"Is that a yes?!" 

"Yes, I'll come home."

They didn't let her say another word. Mizuki pounced on her, enveloping the Ena in both the blanket and their arms. They felt Ena return the hug as she burrowed her face into their chest. The radiator in the corner of the room was screeching again, but they couldn't hear it over the relieved laughter emitting from their lungs. They remained that way for a while, laughing and crying in the early hours of the morning. Neither of them wanted this moment to end, they wanted to remain in each other’s embrace forever. They wanted to drink up every nuance and microscopic detail to the point where they could recreate it in their mind. Though that may have been unnecessary, knowing what future awaited them.

Neither of them was certain when the laughing stopped, or when the tears ran out and turned to exhausted breaths. Both were mentally drained, and the thought of climbing up the stairs back to Ena's room seemed like a monumental task. The common room wasn't warm, but their oasis on the couch certainly was. Maybe Mizuki fell asleep first, or maybe it was Ena, it didn't matter either way. Even within the realms of tender unconsciousness, their hands remained firmly clasped together.

Three Days Later

The train door slid shut behind them, warmly embracing the two of them from the frigid wind chill that was in the midst of plaguing Sapporo. Mizuki scanned the aisles for their reserved seats, happy to see that the train car was largely empty.

“Row 39! This way!” 

“Aren’t these Business Class seats Mizuki? They go way up in price the closer you buy them to a trip, don’t they?” 

“That’s the secret, my dearest Ena, I bought these weeks ago!” Mizuki flashed her a confident grin.

“What would you have done if I didn’t come home then?” Ena grunted as she hoisted her suitcase through the thin aisle.

“Used both seats to take a long, sad nap.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I said yes then,” Ena smiled, “I had no idea you snored so loudly. You would have tortured the other passengers.”

“Ho, so mean!~”

“Shut up.”

The two of them settled into their seats without any further issues, though Mizuki was somewhat humbled by the ease in which Ena hoisted their suitcases into the overhead storage bin. Her becoming a gym rat would take a while to get used to. The conductor came by and checked their tickets, and before long the train was moving towards its destination.

“How long did you say the ride back was? Ten hours?” Ena asked.

“Nine! I booked the express route!”

“That doesn’t sound very express to me.”

“Well it is, what do you know about trains?”

“You got me there.”

Mizuki felt Ena take her hand and rest her head on their shoulder. She’d gotten a lot more clingy in the last few days - likely in an attempt to make up for some of her guilt she admitted to feeling. Not that Mizuki minded, quite the opposite in fact. They were more than happy to play the role of cuddle- giver - a position they’d been on the receiving end of numerous times in the past.

“We should get back to Tokyo around ten,” they whispered as they leaned their head on top of Ena’s, “my parents will pick us up from the station. I double-checked with them again like you asked me to: they’re completely fine with you spending the night and more.”

“Okay.”

“Tomorrow will be Christmas Eve. Have you figured out your plans yet?”

Ena sighed, “I should probably go home, at least see my family for a bit.”

Mizuki cringed, “do you want to?”

“No, not really. But I owe it to Akito at least. I feel bad for worrying him.”

“Wow! You’re admitting to caring about him? I should let him know!”

“I will get off this train.”

Mizuki laughed, pulling Ena closer. The latter grumbled a few words, but settled into their shoulder all the same.

“I’ll come by in the morning and meet you two on Christmas,” Mizuki said, “then we can all head over to Weekend Garage for the day.”

“Are you sure An’s family will be okay with me there?” Ena asked, a hint of worry present in her voice.

“Of course, duh! She told you herself, didn’t she?”

“I feel bad though, I can’t pay them all that much.”

“Ena. They don’t want your money. They want to see you . An was keyboard smashing my phone for like ten minutes when I told her you were coming back.”

Ena laughed, “God I love her, she’s so cute.”

“You know you’re dating me right?” Mizuki felt the faintest hint of jealousy cross their mind, “Do I need to warn Kohane about you?”

“I didn’t mean it like that you weirdo. Who do you think I am? She’s cute in the little sister sort of way.” Ena explained.

Mizuki smirked, “you know she’s older than me, right?”

Ena didn’t answer right away. Mizuki watched in light amusement as their words dawned on her, though their heart still dropped a tad when Ena sat up from her position against their body.

“What?”

“Yup! By a month!”

“I thought she was a year below you!”

“Nope! She’s the old one!”

“Damn,” Ena said, leaning back down in her chair, “if that’s the case, why can’t you be as sweet as her?”

“My lively personality and unique style is a cornerstone of my character!”

“Wow. Did you take that from one of those AI chats?”

“What? No! Of course not…”

Ena laughed, making Mizuki’s heart flutter. They liked it when she laughed. The dark circles around her eyes would dissipate and the subtle dimples on her face were as prominent as they’d ever get. The sensation in their chest persisted as Ena returned to her position against their shoulder. This time, however, she reached for Mizuki’s hand, gently rubbing it with her thumb.

“Dang, if you two are the same age then I bet she’s going to need help with her college essays,” Ena mused, “maybe that’s how I can pay her back.”

“Why won’t you help me ?!”

“You don’t need help, somehow . Besides, do the fashion schools you’re applying to even take essays?”

“Some of them don’t,” Mizuki said, “but I need to check if the new ones I was going to apply to do.”

“New ones?”

“Schools in Japan. There aren’t a lot of them that focus on the direction I want to go, but the ones that do exist are pretty reputable.” They squeezed Ena’s hand, “and one of them is in Sapporo.”

“Mizuki, don’t decide on your entire future just because of me.”

“Huh! As narcissistic as ever, Ena. I’ll have you know that Sapporo Fashion Design College is an excellent option for my intended career path!”

“Mhm.”

“Who even cares about that anyway, that’s like years away.”

“You graduate in six months Mizuki, I’m pretty colleges want essays in two.”

“Like I said, years .”

“You’re insufferable,” Ena chuckled, squeezing Mizuki’s hand, “but I can’t say I’d dislike being closer to you.”

Mizuki felt their heart fall again. They slowly brought their other hand over, using it to trace the bumps and calluses that had built upon Ena’s hands over years upon years of perfecting her craft.

“We’ll be alright either way, won’t we?” They asked.

“Yeah I think so,” Ena said, “honestly, a bit of an unconventional relationship might be what we need. At first anyways.”

“We can still text when we’re apart? And video-chat, right?”

“Of course we can!” 

“And you promise to let me know if I go too far with the teasing?”

“Yes Mizuki, don’t worry.”

“And if I skip school on a Friday to come visit you, you’ll let me into your dorm?”

“I mean probably . It depends on if I’m actually there,” Ena paused, the cogs turning in her head, “please let me know ahead of time if you actually do that.”

Mizuki laughed, throwing their arm around her, “I’m gonna surprise you with cheesecake at five in the morning!”

“You will not , oh that actually reminds me.”

Mizuki pouted as Ena shrugged them off. She stood up from her seat and began to rummage through her carry-on bag, eventually pulling out a small white box which caused Mizuki to immediately perk up. They had watched Ena remove it from the secret drawer in her room earlier, and she had made it quite clear that Mizuki wasn’t meant to see it.

“Here,” Ena said sheepishly, “I’ll get you something better once we’re back in Tokyo, but here’s your gift for now.”

Mizuki smiled as they took the box from Ena. They gingerly removed the cover as Ena looked on, her face beginning to flush red in embarrassment. Their face soon followed suit as they removed the contents of the box, revealing a portrait so masterfully crafted it was like looking in a mirror.

“One of our first assignments was to do a portrait from memory,” Ena said shyly, “naturally I picked you…”

“Ena…” Mizuki could feel their eyes starting to water, “ this is…”

“I know it’s a little rough around the edges,” Ena said quickly, “Like I said, I promise I’ll get you something better when we’re home. Oh god I hope you don’t think it’s creepy. I didn’t want to do a portrait of myself because it’s so basic and-”

Her stuttering came to an abrupt halt as Ena found herself enveloped in Mizuki’s arms. The deep crimson color on her face deepened and her eyes grew wide as she felt a series of warm kisses dart across her forehead. She somehow managed to raise her own arms to return the hug, which only made Mizuki squeeze her tighter.

“ You. Are. The. Best.” They said in-between seemingly infinite smooches, “How did you do this? I look so pretty! It looks better than a photo!”

“Mi-Mizuki,” Ena stuttered.

“Huh?” It dawned on them, “ OH!”

They quickly pulled away, the gravity of their actions made apparent as the temperature of their face began to rise, “Ena! I’m sorry, was that too much! Oh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t even think-”

“ Mizuki,” Ena laughed, “calm down. You’re fine!”

“Are you sure?” Their voice was uncertain.

“Absolutely, you just caught me off guard, that’s all.” She reached out for them again, beckoning them forth for another warm hug that Mizuki gladly accepted, “in fact…”

She looked up at Mizuki with an uncharacteristic mischievousness in her eyes. By the time Mizuki had stopped being distracted by how adorable she looked, all bundled up in her scarf, she was mere centimeters from their face. Both of them held their breath in tense anticipation.

“You know,” Mizuki whispered, their chest felt like it was about to explode, “didn’t we end up like this once before.”

Ena scowled, “yeah, and then that ginger-headed bastard had to go and ruin it.”

“Well,” they grinned, “he’s not here now…”

“No,” her face softened and she leaned closer, “he’s not.”

Euphoria, bliss, butterflies invading their stomach. There didn’t exist enough words in the dictionary to describe the sheer magnitude of felicity Mizuki felt as Ena’s lips pressed against theirs. It was sloppy, awkward, and not at all how they envisioned their first kiss to go, but they didn’t care. Ena was kissing them. She was coming home . And most importantly, she was by their side once again, safe and accounted for. That was all that really mattered at the end of the day, that was all they really cared about. Mizuki’s goal had been to reacquire the glue that had held them together for so long, and they had undoubtedly succeeded. The soft, supple feel of her strawberry tasting lips coupled with her palm gently caressing their cheek was just an added bonus on top of an already realized goal.

But it was a bonus that they certainly wouldn’t refuse.