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Bronya hesitated for a moment, hand hovering just aside from Seele’s cheek as the two stood in the Firefly’s hotel room. Her dull eyes stared into purple, trying to find any signs that told her to stop, told her to quit while she got too far, to—
“Hey,” A voice broke the Supreme Guardian out of her thoughts as gentle hands cupped her own, flesh pressing into her palm, “Breathe.” The woman before her murmured, pressing a soft kiss against the hand cradling her cheek.
“Tell me to stop.”
“What?”
Bronya nearly gagged at herself, squeezing her eyes shut as her hand flexed, trembling. She knew Seele could feel it too, the way her viens pulsed rapidly, the way her limbs shook.
“Tell me this isn’t okay. That this shouldn’t be okay.”
Seele looked confused for a moment, “But it is—”
“No,” She quickly interjected, opening her eyes to look at the shorter woman with furrowed brows, “We shouldn’t— ..I shouldn’t feel this way. Not about you.”
Seele stayed quiet for a moment, averting her gaze from Bronya’s, almost looking upset. “Is it because it’s me?”
“What? No.”
“Then why?”
Silence fell upon the two women once again. Bronya’s eyes fell to the floor, hand pulling away from her Firefly, back down to her side. Physically, she tried to isolate herself from her (Seele), trying to understand how this woman could possibly adore her in such ways she does when she gives her nothing. When her focus isn’t her, she can’t give any amount Seele gives, how can she put up with that? How can she love that? She shouldn’t. She deserves more. That’s what Bronya thought, anyway.
Seele wasn’t stupid, though.
Her hand quickly chased after Bronya’s, taking it into hers and intertwining their fingers, “Look, I won’t make you explain to me your hardships, but I love you,”
Before she could continue on, Bronya quickly retorted, “You shoul—”
“But I do. It doesn’t matter what you think, or what others think, I do love you.” Seele says with a knit brow, squeezing Bronya’s hand, “I don’t claim to know the monsters in your head, I never will, but at least let me harbor even a bit of your weight. I’m yours, am I not? Let me be there for you, it’s what I am here for.”
“You don’t deserve that.”
“It’s not about deserving. I hear you sing all the time Bronya, why not finally speak to me?” She murmured.
Bronya was stunned for a moment, eyes wide as she glanced back into Seele’s gaze, mouth agape. Her fingers twitched against Seele’s before squeezing tightly, shaking her head with a laugh. “You’re always by my side, Seele. You’re always here for me, at every corner, every turn, every moment, you’re there. Your hands are with me, your body is with me, your soul is with me. I can’t ask you to give more than what you already do, so please, don’t worry yourself with me.”
“Bronya Rand!” Seele nearly shouted, pulling Bronya’s hand and forcing the woman forward, glaring at her, “Quit saying that! Stop acting like my love for you is a chore to me! I am telling you over and over, time and time again that I want to be here. I want to be with you, I want to be your anchor. I can’t be these things if you don’t let me!”
“Seele—”
“No! If you keep pushing me away, shoving me to the side, and refusing shelter within me, I can’t help you. I hate seeing you stressed, I hate seeing you unhappy, I hate seeing you hate yourself like this! I can’t bare to see the woman I love waste her life away and rot alone because she doesn’t think she’s deserving of love she’s earned!”
Once Seele paused for breath, Bronya’s tired eyes went wide. Her expression dropped, her head low as she continued to listen to Seele.
“Bronya, I love you, but I can’t help you like this. You’re actively destroying yourself, and I can’t pull you out of this hole that’s been created unless you let me. I can’t help you or assist you or be there for you unless you allow me to. So please, please, baby, speak to me.”
Bronya’s shoulders gave out as she finally sank into herself, eyes closed as she leaned forward, head landing on Seele’s shoulder. Said woman braced her, wrapping her arms around her hips and looking to her with concern before she spoke, “I promise I’ll speak one day, I swear on my life,” She murmured, lifting her head, “But right now, just lay with me.”
Seele stayed silent before a soft sigh escaped her, nuzzling into she sliver curls, “Anything for you, as long as you’re at ease.” She replied.