Chapter Text
But I am just the one who swallowed the moon
The only light that I have's just a reflection of you
You're the sea of tranquillity
You're all of my stars
You're Neptune and Saturn
You're Venus and Mars
☾
There are few things worse than being invited to stay at his best friends-slash-long term crushes house for some of the off-season. Being in debt for the rest of his life is pretty bad but, is it really worse than spending a week in their house? Probably not.
That might be a bit dramatic. The yakuza thing is probably worse. But not by much.
In all reality though, Kevin might actually die if he has to be that close to Jeremy and Jean without having an easy way to escape. They’re just so much with each other, and it’s not always bad. Kevin actually finds it kinda hot if he can get out of his head about it, but it mostly just reminds him of how much he can’t have them. The two of them are just so out of reach and sometimes Kevin gets confused, because he’s so bad with feelings after the Nest and sometimes he feels like they might like him- but that’s ridiculous because Jeremy has Jean and Jean has Jeremy and they don’t need him ruining their relationship by being him.
It would probably be worse though to turn them down? Kevin and Jean are friends now, close friends even, and he hates the idea of saying no to Jeremy of all people, Kevin can already picture the look on Jeremy’s face if he dodges the invite with some lame practice excuse.
Kevin breathes out, heavy and over the top as he texts back Jean and Jeremy with an Okay. I’ll let you know what flights I book.
☾
Three days later, standing in the airport with the standard celebrity disguise (sunglasses, hoodie, hat with the brim pulled low over his face), he starts to regret things. What if they only invited him because they felt bad? Or worse, if they invited him because they knew and wanted to break off the friendship nice and clean, with a stupid sit-down confrontation that ended with Kevin biting back tears, and Jeremy and Jean distant and pitying, and now he’s already kinda got tears in his eyes and he feels stupid for coming.
He’s getting into his head again and he hasn’t even seen them yet.
Kevin’s pulling out his phone and breathing back tears and looking up flights back to Seattle for as soon as possible, and he’s resolving to just stay right here in the airport until he can go back home to his own fucking apartment without them ever knowing he landed when he sees Jeremy, over by the entrance, waving frantically at him. Like there’s any way he’d miss a six feet and three inches tall blond man.
In a horribly predictable follow-up to the waving, Jeremy cups his hands and shouts “KEVIN!” as loud as he can across the entire airport lobby, and Kevin winces, hunching his shoulders a bit as everyone turns to look at the two of them. He makes his way over as quickly as possible, uncomfortable with being seen unless it’s under his control and then Jeremy’s smiling down at him and Kevin can’t really breathe all that well anymore because god, Jeremy was nice to see.
Jeremy and him stand there for a moment, and Kevin thanks every god out there that most of his face is hidden because he’s sure he’s flushing pink and making an entirely inappropriate expression up at Jeremy. He’s forgotten how nice it feels to be smaller than someone. He’s not short or anything, he’s six foot, but next to Jeremy’s muscular six-three body, and Jeans frankly insane six-five, he feels fucking tiny, and it’s different and it helps him feel less like himself.
Kevin doesn’t even realize that his head feels all floaty and gone until Jeremy puts a hand to the small of his back and god his hands are so big and he drops back into himself all at once, tearing his eyes away from Jeremy’s and readjusting his hat self-consciously. Jeremy just smiles at him, and Kevin swallows hard before double checking that he’s got his things. He lets Jeremy pull him along by his waist even though it’s short circuiting his mind and all he can think about is the contact.
He doesn’t speak on the walk to the car, a walk that feels so fucking long with Jeremys hand on him, and Jeremy’s voice washing over him, words indistinguishable, and how on earth is he going to react when he sees Jean. He’d forgotten how handsy the both of them were and he’d just gotten here and his brain was already collapsing in on itself from Jeremy politely guiding him.
He doesn’t notice they’re stopped at the car until they’ve been there for a few seconds, and when Jeremy moves away, his hand dips to trace over his hip, and a quiet, high-pitched noise makes it past Kevin’s lips as he moves with Jeremy, trying to keep the contact he never receives unless he’s around them. When he realizes what he’s done, he’s pulling away and opening the backseat door, shoving himself and his duffel in, all in one quick, fluid movement. He’s close to dying of embarrassment because who the fuck whines when their friend (and that’s all they are- just friends, normal friends), stops touching them?
And then, somehow, things get worse.
Jeans there, of course he is, just watching him, twisted around in the driver's seat and then he’s leaning over and pulling off Kevin’s hat, and his sunglasses and then he can see how wide his eyes are and how flushed his cheeks have gotten and Jean fucking smirks at him, like this isn’t the worst thing that has ever happened to Kevin Day in his whole entire life.
“Well? No hello?” Jean is joking, clearly, but Kevin still blushes darker and he’s looking away, focusing on how his hands are twisted in the hem of his hoodie and yeah, maybe he’s a horrible person for being so into his best friends but how could he not be a little bit in love with them when they look at him like that.
“Sorry,” Kevin says, quietly, and he pauses, because he’s just processed that Jeremy’s in the car too, smiling at Kevin from his place in the passenger seat, and what is wrong with his head, it’s like he’s losing time, and, “it’s nice to see you two?” It shouldn’t be a question and he knows it, but he’s feeling so dumb with the both of them focused on him, and his nails are digging into his wrists to feel something other than warm , but their faces light up when he responds and he could get lost in this feeling, he really could.
Jeremy reaches over and messes with Kevin’s hair, nails scratching his scalp lightly, and he leans into it hard, barely noticing it when he turns to whisper to Jean that “they should probably get him home.” Then the car is starting and Jeremy’s hand pulls back and this time, this time Kevin holds back the whine, but he’s still feeling fucking ridiculous because what grown man enjoys being pet. Kevin is not built for this, he is not built for affection and soft touches, he is built to be hit and bruised and pushed to his limits so this is just all fucking wrong.
Jean drives well. Kevin tucks himself into the corner behind the driver's seat, and he keeps himself pulled close, focusing on the world rushing past outside, focusing on his breathing and his nails and how he’s going to get through this trip without actually imploding, especially if they keep touching him like that. He absolutely cannot have a panic attack over physical touch in Jean's car.
Words float past him for a while. He’s not needed in the conversation and he knows when to not intrude, so he stays quiet, and small, and unaware.
Kevin startles hard when a hand lands on his knee, fingers curling in the fabric and it really, really shouldn’t feel like something under his skin is lighting up but it does , and he doesn’t manages to drag his focus up in time to catch what Jeremy is saying to him, all kind and soft and sweet.
His voice breaks a little when he mumbles a “sorry, what?” and the smile Jeremy gives him feels entirely too nice for someone who’s basically been ignored by a guest.
“We just were wondering if you were okay?” Jeremy glances over at Jean as he says this, but his hand doesn’t move from Kevin's knee, which really isn’t helping his concentration at all, “You just haven’t talked much? We totally get it if you’re just tired from the flight but you’re usually more, you know, loud?”
Jean chimes in with a deep, raspy, “Oui. It is strange to see you like this.”
Kevin is not a strong enough man for this. He responds, quietly, with a “sorry, just- just not used to this anymore,” and he stumbles on the words halfway through, and he’s bright red now, and he’s back to staring at the hand on his knee, so he misses it when Jeremy and Jean exchange a look.
“Whatever you say baby.” The hand on his knee draws back as Jeremy responds, and Kevin’s head jerks up, making eye contact with him, lips parted in shock.
“I think you broke him,” Jean comments, casual, as if his boyfriend hadn’t just called Kevin baby out of fucking nowhere. Jeremy just laughs in response, watching as Kevin’s face turns pink for probably the hundredth time that day. He stutters for a moment, trying to come up with words that make things less confusing for him, but his brain is so fuzzy right now and Kevin Day truly, honestly has no idea what’s happening in this car right now. All he can really do is blink slowly, dumbly up at Jeremy.
Jeremy laughs again, louder, and reaches out to brush against Kevin’s cheek, to push hair further back from his eyes, and his hand lingers against him, and Kevin presses his face against the warmth, eyes closing halfway, lips parting in a silent sigh, because damn if he isn’t touch starved.
“He’s so pretty.”
Kevin doesn’t know which of them said it, he’s not even really sure if he’s alive anymore, because surely he doesn’t get touched like this, like something precious, like someone worth something , not in this world, not by these people. Maybe he’s asleep, maybe he’ll wake up, pushed into the backseat like he can phase right through the door, while Jean and Jeremy laugh together in the front and break his heart.
He’s not really sure when he falls asleep.