Archive of Our Own

Lilith

Crowley left the bookshop and walked to the Bentley where she was parked outside the Dirty Donkey.  He stroked her hood fondly, then snapped his fingers and the automobile disappeared to a space out of time until the demon needed her again.  He’d done this before, and she hated it, but it was better than leaving her parked on the street for years. She really hated that.  He sighed.  He wasn’t sure if he’d ever come back for her, but Aziraphale was in Heaven and he had prepared Furfur and Muriel for life on Earth as well as he could.  He no longer had any excuse to stay.

He walked across the street, summoned the elevator and pushed the Down button. He squared his shoulders when he stepped out into the lobby in Hell and marched unimpeded down the normally busy corridors.  If he had been less distracted, he might have noticed how the denizens of the nether regions made way for him.  He would have guessed it was because of the expression on his face, but it really had more to do with the reputation he had gotten in the last couple of years for hiding Gabriel and slaughtering a demon and sending its dead body back to Hell.

He entered the hall where the Dark Council met without knocking (as if demons knock), and several demons jumped to their feet in alarm.

“Crowley,” Hastur hissed.  “The traitor.”

“I’m not back,” Crowley growled.  “I don’t work for you, but I need to do some things, so don’t fuck with me.”

Hastur approached threateningly.

“What makes you think we are going to allow you to stay in Hell unmolested, or remain in Hell alive?” he asked.  “The only reason I haven’t destroyed you is because Beelzebub wouldn’t allow demons on Earth, but she is gone, and you are here.  Saved me the trip.”

Crowley looked curiously at Shax.

“Are you the new Grand Duke of Hell?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Good for you.”

He turned to leave the hall.

“No, you don’t!” Hastur shouted.  “I’m not done with you!”

Without turning around, Crowley waved his right hand casually over his shoulder and Hastur disappeared in flames.

“What did you do to him?” Dagon whispered.

“Something I should have done ages ago,” Crowley said quietly.  “He’s been a pain in my ass for too long.”

“Did you destroy him?”

“Yup.”

“How?  Demons are impervious to fire.”

“Go figure,” Crowley responded.  “Actually, I came here to talk to you.  Got a minute?”

Crowley seemed relaxed, but Dagon wasn’t about to take chances.  She wasn’t sure what was going on with Crowley, and she and the rest of the Dark Council could probably beat him in a fight, but he didn’t seem to be a threat to her or the others.

“Sure,” she said casually.  “Shall we go to my office?”

“Yeah, great.  Lead the way.”

Dagon walked past Crowley down the hall.

“You have an office?” he asked.  “Is that new?”

“I have an office now that Hastur is gone, so you could call it new.”

“Well played.”

She stopped in front of a closed door and tried the knob.  It was locked.  She backed up, kicked it hard, but merely injured her foot.

“Shit,” she said.  “Of course, he locked it.  I’m going to have to call maintenance to open it and change the lock.  That’ll take years.”

Crowley made a small gesture and blew the door off its hinges.

“Looks like you’re going to need a new door,” he observed dryly.

“When did you learn how to do that?” Dagon asked apprehensively.

“It’s a long story.  Turns out I used to make stars.  This is star power, I guess, for lack of a better term.  I found out about it by accident, but I’m not here to talk about that.  I need some information from you as the Lord of the Files.”

“Oh?” Dagon felt a bit more comfortable now that the conversation was about something with which she was familiar.   She snapped her fingers and the office emptied of Hastur’s belongings and filled it with her own.

“Give me a second,” she said as she walked behind the desk and sat down.

“Have a seat.”

Crowley grunted and sat down.

“This is private,” he said.  “Can you do something about the door?”

Dagon snapped again and a solid door materialized in the frame.

“Ok,” she said.  “What do you want?”

“Information.”

“Yeah?  Like what?”

“I want to know where Lilith is, and I figure it must be in your files somewhere.  Can you find it?”

Dagon looked puzzled.

“What do you want with Lilith?”

“None of your business.  Do you have the file or not?  Don’t waste my time.”

“Don’t get your thong in a knot.  I’m not sure anyone knows where Lilith went after she left the garden.  Some humans claim that she was the mother of ‘the Children of the Night’, but that’s bullshit, obviously.  There are millions of us and who fathered all those children?  They need to think these things through.”

Crowley tried to look impatient, but he had the same questions.

“Get on with it,” he growled.

Dagon stood up and walked to the single filing cabinet in the office.

“Let me check,” she said.  “It’s Hell, so we keep everything on paper and in triplicate with carbon paper.”

“But you only have one cabinet.”

Dagon pulled out a document that was filled with odd symbols and equations.

“This is where we keep the index.”

Crowley was curious about Hell’s filing system, but was also in a hurry.

“Oh,” he said.

“Ok,” Dagon said.  “Here she is.  She certainly didn’t go to Heaven, but she also didn’t come to Hell.”

“How does that work?  God cast her out of the Garden of Eden.  That didn’t get her a stint in Hell?” 

“Nope.  She didn’t want to take orders from Adam, but she was never disobedient to God, and left before Eve ate the apple, so she didn’t get saddled with that sin.”

“She didn’t disobey God?  Didn’t the Almighty tell Lilith to get back in the Garden and play nice?”

“Nah.  The Lord understood where Lilith was coming from, so She gave her a choice.  Really, if anyone should have been thrown out, it was Adam.  He was a total wanker.  I’m not sure of God’s logic on that one.  Earth would have been a much better place with two women, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, too bad about that little matter of procreation.”

“The Almighty could have fixed it.”

Crowley stared at Dagon.  He’d known she was fairly competent if underrated, but had never really had a conversation with her.  Usually, she was yelling or torturing.

“So, how is it going without Beelzebub?” he asked.

“Not great, but it’s never been great.  Shax is no Beelzebub, but she’s managing.”

“Why didn’t you step in?  You’re certainly more capable.”

Dagon looked up at Crowley, with a disgusted look on her face.

“Same reason you never joined the Council.  Who needs the headache? I should have taken a page from your book sooner, but there’s no getting off the Council now.”

“Ah,” Crowley said.  “Are there others like us?  Able, but unwilling?”

“I don’t know.  I’m sure there are, but they’re smart enough to keep their heads down.”

“Good point.”

Dagon pushed a button on her desk and Eric answered immediately. 

“Yes, Lord. . . Dagon?”

Eric tripped over the name, but was otherwise unaffected by the fact that Dagon was in Hastur’s office with (according to rumors) the most powerful demon in the universe.

“Get me file Number 1,” she said.  “I think you’re going to have to go down into the archives.”

“Yes Lord Dagon, right away.”

“Make it quick,” Crowley hissed. 

Eric nodded nervously before hustling out of the office.

“Seriously, what do you want with Lilith?” Dagon asked again.

“I don’t know,” Crowley said slowly.  “I liked her, and I’ve always wondered what happened to her.  Turns out, I have time on my hands, so I thought I’d find the answer to my question.”

“I never met her.”

“She was sharp.  She didn’t fall for the whole apple gag for a minute.  She just laughed at me and asked the same question I had.  Who would eat from the only tree in a garden full of food that was off limits?”

“Eve apparently,” Dagon said.

“Yeah.  She was sweet enough, but not too bright.”

“How could she be if she was willing to take orders from Adam?”

Dagon paused.

“I’ve always wondered,” she said.  “Did you ever try to tempt Adam?”

“No,” Crowley admitted.  “Lilith and I were pretty sure he would go for it, but I hated to go near him.  He stunk, and it was hard on my snake senses.  It took ages to get the taste out of my mouth.  Also, I was pretty sure the whole garden gig was going to end the minute one of the humans bit (pun intended), and I wasn’t ready to leave.”

“I get that.  I’ve only seen pictures, but it looked nice.”

“It was a literal paradise.”

There was a knock on the door and Eric entered holding a manila file folder.

“Here you go,” he said.  “Is there anything else?”

“No.  That will be all.  Get out before I send you to the dung pits.”

Eric left, and Crowley looked at Dagon with a puzzled look.

“Are you going soft?” he asked.

“Shut the fuck up!” she roared.

Crowley held up his hands.

“Ok, ok.  Sorry I said anything.”

“Anyway,” Dagon continued in her normal tone of voice, “Lilith is not in Hell, as I said, and she didn’t go to Heaven.  She is in an in-between place that the Lord made specifically for her.”

“I think I saw something like that on a television show once,” Crowley speculated.  “Do you know where it is?”

“I’m not sure.  If I’m reading this schematic properly, it looks like she is down one of the dark corridors.  It looks like she is a long way down.”

“The dark corridor?”

“Don’t you remember?  Lucifer was so angry, the whole place was filled with a horrible malevolence.  It was like the Hell that the humans describe.  The very walls oozed with his evil.”

Dagon shuddered.

“I’m not sure I noticed,” Crowley said.  “I got pulled to Earth pretty shortly after I climbed out of the pit.  I didn’t have a lot of time to explore.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Dagon said quickly.  “Hell is still terrible, but it used to be unbearable.  It was nearly impossible to get any work done.  It got better after Satan left and we developed a less inefficient way of processing humans, but the corridors are a remnant of his evil.”

“Wait!  Satan left?  Where did he go?”

“Dunno.  One day he was just gone.  Personally?  I think the Almighty put him somewhere else.  I’m not sure Lucifer turned out the way She planned, but that’s just me.  Anyway, we told everyone that he was on sabbatical.  It was a relief, really.  He had a very distressing presence.”

Crowley thought about their brief encounter at the airbase at Tadfield.

“Tell me about it,” he said, shuddering, “but I’ve been to Hell thousands of times, and I don’t remember a sense of evil like you’re describing, and he was just on Earth for the apocalypse.”

“Apparently, that whole thing started before he left, so the Almighty let it play out, but only allowed Satan to make an appearance when it became necessary.  I’m glad it turned out the way it did, because if Hell had won, I’m sure Lucifer would have been allowed to return, but if Heaven had won, we’d all be toast.  No way was the Metatron gonna let any of us live once we no longer had to deal with human souls.”

“I think about that a lot,” Crowley said.  “I think it turned out exactly as it was meant to.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t make sense for God to create all of this, then let it burn in a mere 6,000 years.  Of course, Heaven isn’t letting it go.  I’ve heard rumors that they are planning the Second Coming.  What is it with them and all that death and destruction?”

Crowley shrugged.

“Who knows, but they’re the Good Guys, right?”

Dagon scoffed.  

“Whatever,” she said.  “Anyway, here is a map through the dark tunnels to the place where you should find Lilith, but it’s been ages.  Who knows if she’s even still there?  Maybe she died and her soul just disappeared?  Maybe she didn’t even have a soul.”

“It’s ineffable.”

“I hate it when people say that.”

“Me, too.”

Crowley looked at the map for a few seconds, then turned it 90 degrees then 180 degrees.

“How do you read this?” he asked.

“It’s impossible to read, but you can follow it.  See this dot here?  That’s you, and that pinky space over here is where Eve is.  When you start walking, the dot will move on the map according to your location.”

“Like GPS.”

“I guess, whatever that is.  The dark corridors are going to try to trick you into going the wrong way.  One false turn and you could be stuck in there for eternity and, believe me, that is no place you want to be any longer than you absolutely have to.

“Ok, so I know where I am and where I’m going, but how do I know how to get there?”

“Maybe it’s like one of those human puzzles.  Find the way from Point A to Point B, then stick to it.”

“Do you have a pencil?”

“Are you going to draw on the map?”

“Yeah.  How else am I supposed to keep track?”

Dagon handed him a pencil.

“I don’t think it’s going to work,” she speculated.

Crowley tried to trace the path from Dagon’s desk to Eve, but there was no way to leave a mark on the map.

“Didn’t think so,” Dagon said.  “You’re just going to have to keep your eye on the path.  Good luck with that.”

“Why are you helping me?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you being so helpful?”

“I’m not being helpful,” Dagon said loudly.  “I hope you get lost in the horrible morass of the dark corridors and suffer there for the rest of your pitiful existence.”

She leaned forward and motioned Crowley closer.

“You are impervious to Holy Water, and you incinerated Hastur with star power.  I’d be a fool not to cooperate, but I’m curious, and better you than me take the risk.  Right?”

“Yeah.  Right.”

“If you make it out alive, send me a message, yeah?”

“Sure.”

Dagon stood up.

“Well,” she said meaningfully.  “There’s no time like the present.  Now, GET OUT!”

“Fuck you too!”

Crowley winked and slammed the door.

The demon studied the map carefully, walking one way and another to see how it was aligned.  As is often the case with this type of “technology”, it took several seconds for the map to register that he had moved, so he didn’t find out he was going the wrong direction until he’d gotten fairly far down the hall.  This was not as easy as Dagon made it out to be, but what did he expect?  It was Hell.

Fortunately, he knew how to get to the opening of the dark corridors and started walking.  Hell was huge, and the corridors were at the far end.  The trip was going to take a while, although he had no way of knowing how long because time was as weird in Hell as it was in Heaven. 

On a whim, he unfurled his wings and launched himself into the air.  He was pleased to see that the dot was a bit more responsive when he went faster, but the hallways were not always high or wide enough for him to fly, so he was often forced to walk.  Fortunately, the last section of Hell before the dark corridors was a vast cavern which made it easy to navigate, but in the middle of which was a lake of burning sulfur.  Crowley carefully averted his eyes as he flew over it.  Too many unpleasant memories, but at the last minute, he risked a peek, worried that a certain Supreme Archangel might have gotten himself into trouble when the demon wasn’t there to rescue him.  He was relieved to see the lake was empty.

The dark corridors were too narrow for him to fly, so when he reached the entrance, he was forced to land and furl his wings.  He could feel a sense of evil malevolence emanating from the opening and hesitated, but he had put himself at risk hundreds of times for the angel, and he was determined to go through with it.  Obviously, he didn’t have the same motivation now, but he’d set a goal, and he intended to see it through.  At the last minute, however, he sank to the ground, and thought about what he was doing and why he was doing it.

Aziraphale was in Heaven and Muriel was happily making her way on Earth thwarting whatever mischief Furfur was causing.  She didn’t need him anymore, even though she’d begged him not to leave.  It was time.  Plus, it was painful for him to watch another angel and demon so happy together.  In their case, ignorance was bliss.  He no longer worked for Hell, Aziraphale left him, and Muriel didn’t need him.  He was a Team of One and he was desperately lonely and without purpose. 

He’d thought about asking Dagon or Shax to see how Furfur was doing on Earth, but decided against it.  They had probably already forgotten about him, likely concentrating on the Second Coming.  Securing new human souls was the last thing they needed to worry about given the staff shortages. They had more souls than they could handle already, thanks to social media.

Crowley leaned heavily against the wall and scrubbed his face with his hands.  Except for those few short years after the failed apocalypse, he’d been exhausted for as long as he could remember.  He was always on the run, looking over his shoulder and looking after Aziraphale, knowing that he risked torture or destruction at every turn.  Now, the angel was gone, and would likely not return until the end of the universe when there would be no place to run.  Crowley understood why Aziraphale chose Heaven, but it was still a struggle. 

This was why he was looking for Lilith.  He liked her and she was an outcast like him, with nobody and no allegiance.  Maybe she needed rescuing or maybe she would just like some company.  Maybe she was dead and returned to dust, but he didn’t like to think about that.  He knew that Adam and Eve were mortal.  They lost eternal life when they ate the apple and were forced from Eden.  He hoped that God didn’t see Lilith’s decision to leave the same way. 

He took a deep breath and rose to his feet.  He checked the map one more time, then entered the dark corridor.  He knew this was going to be bad, but there was a light at the end of this tunnel, as long as he didn’t get lost.  He couldn’t say the same thing about the pain of a broken heart. 

First, he noticed the smell.  Dagon hadn’t said anything about the smell, which was probably for the best because he might have nixed the trip immediately.  The corridors were truly rank.  Second, it was very dark, and he’d had to miracle some light the minute he stepped inside just so he could see the map, but it took more effort to conjure the flame than it should have and there were multiple errant breezes that threatened to extinguish it. 

He was honestly afraid that he wouldn’t be able to light it again, when it occurred to him that a flashlight made much more sense.  He stepped out of the tunnel, conjured a very powerful flashlight then went back into the tunnel, holding his breath to see if the miracle of science was in play here.  He was relieved that the flashlight continued to function and illuminated the corridors enough that he could see the map and make his way.

The corridors were as Dagon described.  The walls oozed a sense of dread and despair.  He immediately began second guessing his decision to search for Lilith.  Aziraphale had abandoned him.  Muriel didn’t need him, and Hell despised him.  What made him think that Lilith would want him any more than the others did?  He was alone, and had been alone almost since time began.  Sure, he’d had some short respites with the angel, but they were a salve that masked the pain.  He was a fool to think he was worthy of anything more than that.

He fell into a heap on the hard floor of the cave and leaned into the wall.  His eyes stung and he felt weak and dizzy.  What was he thinking, coming here like this?  Lilith wouldn’t want him any more than Aziraphale or Muriel did.  Sure, Muriel was tolerant of him, but he suspected now that she’d been secretly contemptuous of him.  She and Furfur probably laughed at him behind his back.

Crowley looked over his shoulder at where he’d been.  The corridors were vast.  Who knew how long it would take him to make his way to the other end.  He should turn back now and con a human into giving him some holy water, but retreat was impossible because the map only showed him where he was trying to go.  It didn’t show him where he had been.  If he turned back, he’d get lost immediately and might not ever find his way out.  The tunnels were like his pain.  He just had to go through them.

Time in Hell is weird, and time in the dark corridors at the end of Hell was weirder.  He had no idea how long he trudged through the tunnels.  At one point, the way was blocked with large stones, and he had to clear the area the best he could, then struggle over the jagged rocks.  Another time, he was so lost in despair, he slid on the loose gravel on the edge of a very deep chasm and almost tumbled in.  He had to throw himself backward to avoid falling, nearly lost the flashlight and had to scramble to catch the map before it drifted into the hole. 

He scooted away from the edge and leaned heavily against the wall.  His terror overwhelmed his self-loathing for a few minutes, and he looked around to see where he was in relation to where he wanted to go.  He was relieved to see that he hadn’t wandered too far off course, but had come up against a rock wall where he was positive there should be an opening. Instead, the path forked and went on either side of the wall, but that wasn’t on the map, nor did he recall the road diverging like this.  He looked around, confused, but nothing seemed to be the way he remembered it a few moments before. 

The chasm wasn’t on the map, and it completely blocked the right side of the fork. He had no choice but to go left, but the path didn’t seem to curve right to go around the rock wall.  It seemed to go straight and away from where he hoped to find Lilith.  He felt a second of panic when the beam from his flashlight flickered.  Were the batteries dying?

“You’re never going to get out of here,” he hissed to himself, burying his face in his hands.  “You were an idiot to try.  You can’t go right, you don’t dare go left and you have no idea what’s behind you if you turn around.  Plus, you don’t know how long you’ve been in these caverns or how much more battery life you have in the flashlight.  You were too stupid not to conjure extra batteries, and there is no way your miracles are going to work this deep underground!”

In a way, Crowley was very complicated.  He was an immortal who had lived through the dawn of creation, 6,000 years with humans, an angel and several vicious bouts of torture.  He’d certainly been through enough to be shaped by his experiences, but when you got right down to it, he was really a very simple demon.  He was curious and he was an optimist.

“What do you mean miracles won’t work down here?” he asked himself harshly.  “I would never conjure extra batteries because my batteries never die.  What kind of crap is this? It makes no sense.”

He studied the map more closely, then looked to his right and left.  The path on the map went straight.  It did not go right or left, which was why it didn’t show the hole, but the stone wall in front of him wasn’t loose rock like he’d experienced at the partial cave-in behind him. It was solid in a way that indicated it had been there from the beginning, so it should have been on the map because the map had been accurate to this point.  His flashlight flickered again, and he caught his breath.  What if he were stuck in the corridors in the dark forever?

“Shut it!” he told himself severely.  “This isn’t even the worst thing you’ve done.  You’ve smelled worse and been in the dark longer and have been in excruciating pain.  This is just the dark and you aren’t afraid of the dark.”

The flashlight flickered again, only this time, staying off a couple seconds longer than it had before, and Crowley glared at it.  He was no longer despairing.  He was pissed.

“Oi!” he growled at the flashlight.  “Knock that the fuck off.  I don’t make batteries that die, which means your batteries aren’t dying and they aren’t going to die.  Do you understand?”

The beam flickered for an instant, then immediately flared to new brightness.

“Yeah,” he said.  “I thought as much.”

Then he looked up at the wall.

“You aren’t supposed to be here,” he said out loud as he approached it.  “Therefore, you are not here.”

The demon held his breath, kept one eye open, then walked with purpose into the wall, and through it.  It had been an illusion.  He looked around carefully, hardly believing that this was the first time the corridor had fooled him, but he had been meticulous about following the map, although he had been distracted by his grief and despair more than once.  Since that hadn’t caused him to collapse onto the floor and lie in the cold, dark cave for eternity, the tunnels were throwing more impediments at him.  He hoped that meant he was close to the end. 

Anger might have overcome despair for a bit, but he couldn’t count on that indefinitely.  He wished he could be angrier with Aziraphale instead of being pathetically heartbroken.  He kept his eye on the map and on his path in the caves as he pondered his existence with and without the angel.

He remembered when they first met on the wall, and when they would run into each other at major historical and biblical events, and at Job’s, when he tempted Aziraphale with food and watched the angel eat.  At first, he was merely satisfied with a job well done, but as Aziraphale ate, Crowley found his eyes drawn to the angel’s eyes which fluttered with bliss, his lips which caressed the food lovingly, then his mouth that made the irresistible sounds of pleasure. 

Their meeting at Job’s was a watershed moment for the demon.  He knew he was fascinated with the angel and enjoyed poking at him, but it was after Job that he let his guard down and put himself at real risk.  Aziraphale might have worried he was in danger of falling, but if Hell had seen Crowley, the demon would have surely been destroyed.  He sighed as tears formed in his eyes.  He’d done so much for them to be together, and the angel rejected him.

The demon took a deep breath.  That wasn’t going to work.  He could feel the anguish oozing from the walls.  He had to look at this in a different way.  He’d done so much to be near Aziraphale.  He’d taken so many risks so they could be together and to pull the stupid angel’s ass out of the fire, and what did it get him?  This!  Nothing but pain and sorrow and anger and bitterness.

Good.  It was working.  He consulted the map again and turned right at the next fork.  He flicked his tongue, ignored the reek of the tunnels and caught the fragrance of the ocean, sand and grass.  Crowley almost rushed forward, but stopped himself.  He was near the end and in the greatest danger.  He proceeded carefully, keeping a close eye on the map and the floor and dedicating a small portion of his brain to seethe at the injustice of the angel to ward off the horrible nothingness of the tunnels.  Finally, the corridor became slightly less dark, and after a while, he could turn off the flashlight. 

But right before he got to the cave that opened into a meadow, he felt such a wave of misery that he went down on his knees and buried his face in his hands, sobbing.  He rocked back and forth and wailed in anguish.  He could see the sky and smell the grass, but there was no point.  Why did it matter if the sun shone?  It didn’t shine for him.  Everything he had ever loved was gone.  The sun mocked him, and he turned to go back into the tunnel and hide himself in the darkness forever when he heard a sound.  It was a woman’s voice.

“Hello?  Is someone in there?”

Crowley caught his breath and waited, frozen.

“Of course, there’s nobody in there,” the voice said again.  “How long have you been here? When was the last time someone came out of the caverns?”

A pause.

“Hello?” she said again.

Crowley tried to speak but his voice was stuck in his throat.  The best he could muster was a low grunt.

“Hello?  Is someone in there?”

Crowley stayed on his knees but inched toward the sunlight at the voice.  He coughed.

“Is someone in there?”

“Ngk.”

“There is someone in there!  Do you need help?”

A moment later, the light dimmed as if someone had entered the cave at the end of the tunnel, and he heard the skitter of loose gravel. 

“Oh, it stinks in here.  There’s nobody here.  Stop it.  You are alone and you’ll always be alone.  I don’t know why you haven’t jumped off the cliff yet.”

Crowley still struggled under the weight of the emotions the tunnel was piling on him, but he began to worry about the woman.  She shouldn’t be talking about jumping off a cliff.  She was in danger just being in the tunnel, and her peril only grew as she moved farther from the opening. 

“Hello,” he managed to whisper.  “Ssstay where you are.  I’ll come to you.”

“There is someone in there!  Oh, my word!  Seriously?  Where are you?”

Despite his agony, Crowley crawled faster.

“Go back.  Don’t come any further!”

“Ok, but do you need help?”

“I need you to get the fuck out of his tunnel!  I’m coming as fast as I can.”

“Oh!  You don’t have to be rude about it.  I’m going.  I’m standing outside the cave that leads to the tunnels.  Are you happy?”

“Yesss.”

Crowley couldn’t help it.  He was sweating and his muscles were cramping. He could barely move, but he was worried that the woman would become impatient and enter the cave again and that would be very bad for her.  Everything ached and his hands and knees were shredded from the rough floor of the cavern.  Finally, he saw the cave entrance and struggled toward it, although it was harder with every inch.  Suddenly, it got dark, and he panicked.  What if he had come all of this way just to be fooled by the tunnels.

“Oh!” the voice said, delighted.  “I can see you.  Let me help you.”

“NO!  Get out!”

“Fine.”

Crowley used his last bit of energy to push forward enough to get his head, arms and shoulders onto the dust right outside the entrance of the cave.  His fingers dug into the cool earth, and he collapsed in exhaustion.  Through his fatigue, he felt someone grab his hands, lift him a bit, then start to drag him out of the cave.  Unfortunately, he was too weak to hold up his head and his nose scraped on the hard rock floor.

“Oh, dear!  That’s not going to work.  Here.  I’ll turn you on to your back, ok?”

Crowley was in no position to argue and allowed himself to be wrestled onto his back but was barely able to keep the back of his head from hitting the ground.  Luckily, the farther she dragged him out of the cave, the more his strength came back to him, which was good because the woman was really struggling with his bulk.

“Give it a rest,” he demanded.  “Let me catch my breath.”

“Good, because I need a minute.  You’re skinny, but there’s a lot of you.  It’s like you go on forever and I’m having a hard time lugging you very far.”

“Can I have water?” Crowley rasped.

“Of course!  Give me a minute.  I’ll be right back.”

The demon wished he had thought to send her on an errand sooner, so he could have pulled himself out of the cave rather than rely on her.  It would have saved him some pain, and he was sure the back of his jacket and the seat of his trousers were torn to shreds, but he felt his strength coming back with every fresh breeze that blew across his face.  He rolled onto his stomach and pulled himself the rest of the way out of the cave.  He’d just managed to turn over onto his back when the woman came back. 

She looked down at him for an instant, but was backlit by the sun, then knelt beside him and gently lifted his head to help him sip the water she offered from a wooden cup.

“Oh, my,” she said softly, shifting slightly.  “Your face is very dirty.  I’m sorry about that.  Is the water helping?”

Crowley opened his eyes and looked at the woman.  He took in her long black hair, deep brown eyes and her happy smile.

“Lilith,” he said.

She looked startled and jumped away.  His head would have slammed on the dirt except he had the presence of mind to stop it at the last minute.

“Do you know me?”

“I do,” he whispered as he gathered his strength.  “You know me, too.  Step back and don’t be afraid.”

“I think it’s a good idea to be afraid whenever someone tells you not to be afraid,” Lilith said, and didn’t move.

“Ngk.”

“Wait!  I think I know you!”

An instant later, Crowley transformed into the six foot long, black and red serpent from the Garden and Lilith squealed.

“I DO know you!  Crawley!  I’m so glad to see you!  How did you find me?”

“Ngk.”

“As articulate as always,” she said dryly.  “I seem to remember that you could make yourself smaller.  Can you do that now?  That would make it much easier for me to lift you.”

A moment later, she lifted Crowley, now a much more manageable size of 12 inches, into her arms to carry him away from the cave and the dark corridors.

---

Crowley woke up several hours later, still in snake form, basking in the warm sun on a large stone.  He couldn’t see much, but he smelled the ocean, lush vegetation, fragrant flowers and Lilith. 

“Are you awake yet?”

“Give me a sssec.”

“Ok.”

Crowley stretched to his full length, slithered off the rock and slowly transformed into his man shape, clean and complete with new, undamaged garments, and perfectly coiffed hair.  He sat up slowly, leaned heavily against the rock and looked around, curious.  The first thing he saw was Lilith, who was seated next to him, completely naked, with her hair hanging down her shoulders, partially covering her breasts.  She was exactly as he remembered her, petite with a small waist and full bosom and hips.  She had dark hair and eyes and medium brown skin that looked very smooth and soft.  She was smiling at him, and she sparkled.  She smelled so good.

“Ngk.”

Crowley shouldn’t have been surprised, and could hardly be scandalized, but he’d lived among humans for millennia and he was unaccustomed to nudity. He averted his eyes, as Lilith watched him curiously.

“Is that your ‘true form’?” she asked.

“Wha?”

“You were always in your serpent form in the Garden.  You told me you couldn’t take your ‘true form’.  Is that it?”

“No.  This is my ‘human corporation’.  My true form includes wings.”

“That sounds nice.  Can I see it?”

“I’m too tired.  Maybe some other time.”

She stroked the fabric of his jacket and jeans.

“Why does your human corporation have this?” she asked.  “I’ve never seen anything like it.  Did you grow it?”

Crowley tried to ignore her hands as they stroked his arm and the top of his thigh.  Touch was still disconcerting for him, and very distracting. 

“No.  I didn’t grow it.  These are clothes.  Humans wear clothes to cover their nakedness.”

“Why?”

“It’s a long story,” he said.  “If I can have more water, I’ll catch you up.”

“Ok.”

Crowley watched Lilith walk to a nearby stream, dip a wooden cup she kept on a flat rock next to it into the water and bring it back to him.

“Yup,” he whispered to himself.  “Just like I remember.  Definitely ‘full figured’.”

She handed him the cup and sat down beside him, close enough that her arm brushed his sleeve.  She also leaned on the warm stone.  Crowley took a sip of water, wished it was whiskey and began.

“After you left, God took one of Adam’s ribs and made another woman, only this one was much less independent than you.”

“Figures.”

“Yeah.  She took the apple the first time I tempted her.”

“Also, figures.”

“Anyway, after they had both tasted the apple, they realized they were naked and were filled with shame and immediately used leaves to cover themselves.  That was the beginning of clothes.  Right after that, the Almighty cast them from the Garden and into the wilderness to make their own way in the world.  The angel and I went with them.  He was meant to look after them, and I was there to tempt them to do evil.”

“Are you ashamed of your nakedness?  Is that why you wear clothes?”

Crowley was a little surprised by the question, given all of the information he had just given her.

“Me?  Nah, I don’t care,” he lied because he was actually a prude. “But I lived in Heaven and Hell and among humans for over 6,000 years.  Clothes are pretty standard in all of those places.”

“Oh.  Do I need clothes?”

“I dunno.  Do you want clothes?”

“Well, you seem to be having a problem keeping your eyes on my face.  I thought maybe my nakedness was a problem for you.”

“Not a problem, really, but it is a little distracting after all this time.”

She stood up, and surveyed the surrounding area.

“Adam and his new wife used leaves to cover themselves?” she asked.

“Eve.”

“What?”

“Adam’s new wife’s name was Eve.”

“Oh. Ok.  Thanks.”

“Yeah, they used leaves, but give me a minute.  I’m not sure how much of my power I have here, but I must have some because I managed to change form.”

Crowley took another gulp of water, then stared at the cup.  A second later, he took a big swig of whiskey.

“Looks like my powers are working,” he mused before glancing at Lilith.

She jumped back when she felt the clothing materialize on her body.  It was a simple knee-length, white cotton shift, just substantial enough to be opaque.  It was soft and lightweight, but totally foreign.  She looked at it uncertainly.

“This is what humans wear?”

“Yes and no.  Humans wear any number of different types of clothing.  I just thought that might be the most comfortable for you considering you’ve never worn clothes before.”

“I guess it’s ok.  Thank you?”

“You’re welcome.  It will help keep you warm,” he offered helpfully.

“I never get cold.  The temperature here is always comfortable.”

“Yeah, I noticed.  This place is a lot like the Garden.  I like it.”

“Well, I had to leave, but God wasn’t really angry with me.  I think She understood.  I’m pretty sure Adam was a disappointment to Her.”

“No doubt.”

“So, tell me about Eve.  What was she like?”

“Well, she looked kind of like you.  Same dark hair and eyes.  Your skin is a little lighter, though.”

Crowley studied Lilith carefully.

“It was a long time ago, but I remember she was quite a bit bigger.  Closer to Adam’s height and build.”

“Was she pretty?”

Crowley thought about that before he answered.  It was odd that she was asking about relative attractiveness, given she’d only been in two gardens, and had spoken to only one other human, but nothing should surprise him because she was as clever as he remembered.  He and Lilith had spent quite a bit of time talking and he knew she had spoken with Aziraphale, so she might have gotten some of his perspective on things.

“Yeah, she was pretty.”

“Prettier than me?”

The demon considered the question.  Lilith might have been frustrated with Adam, but they were literally made for each other.  It was probably very hard to leave him.  It might have even broken her heart.  Of course, she would want to know about the woman who replaced her.  He sighed, and put the thought of Aziraphale out of his mind.  He knew exactly what replaced him.  He didn’t have to wonder.

“Not prettier, just different.  You are much more clever, though, considering I only had to tempt her once to eat the apple.”

Lilith smiled sadly, then shrugged.

“Oh well,” she said.  “God told me that I would be replaced.  I always wondered what She would replace me with.”

“I wouldn’t give it much more thought,” Crowley advised.  “Adam was not the brightest star in the night sky and Eve was even less so, or she wouldn’t have been willing to let him be the boss.  I know it sucks, but she was a much better match for him, and that says more about her than you.”

“You’re right.  Water under the bridge, yeah?”

“Yup.”

“So, you tempt humans to evil?”

Crowley blinked.  She was all over the place.

“Yup.  That was my job for 6,000 years.”

“But it’s not your job anymore?”

“Nope,” he said, taking another sip of whiskey.  “I’m retired.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I don’t have a job anymore.  I don’t work for anyone.  I can do what I want.”

“Do you like it?”

“I did, at first, but it got boring, so I came looking for you.  I always wondered where you went, but I never had time to investigate, and here I am.”

“How long is 6,000 years?”

“Wha?”

“You said you tempted humans for 6,000 years.  I don’t know what that means.”

“It’s as long as you’ve been here, if I understand things correctly.”

“Not long, then.”

“What?”

“I haven’t been here that long, but I’ll be honest, being alone was starting to get dull.  Adam wasn’t that much of a conversationalist.  He just wanted to do that “joining” thing, but I enjoyed talking to you and the angel, so I’m really glad you came looking for me.”

Crowley stared at Lilith for a full minute.  She said she hadn’t been here for very long, but she came to this garden before Eve ate the apple, so she had been here longer than Crowley had been tempting humans.  Obviously, time worked differently here, and he was surprised he couldn’t sense that considering he literally made time. 

He shrugged.  God could do what She wanted, and She manipulated time so Lilith didn’t have to suffer spending thousands of years on her own.  He had plenty of resentments against the Almighty, but he had to give Her props on that decision.  It made sense in a way.  The Lord didn’t create humans to be obedient like She did angels, so She didn’t blame Lilith for following her nature and resenting Adam.  Lord knows he was no catch.  Of course, the Almighty changed Her tune when it came to the rest of the humans.  She gave them free will, then drowned them when they exercised it in a way She didn’t care for.  Her ways weren’t really ineffable.  They were just confusing and irrational.

“So, what do you do for fun here?” he asked.

“Same stuff I did in the Garden.  It’s really lovely here, so it’s easy to lose track of time.”

The demon looked around.

“That makes sense,” he said.

“And now I can spend time with you!” she said excitedly.

“Yup.”

She jumped to her feet.

“Come on.  I’ll show you around if you feel up to it.”

“Yeah, ok.”

Crowley stood up and she took his hand, causing the demon another brain malfunction.  He was still not used to being touched.  It was going to take a minute to get used to.

“Come on!” Lilith said impatiently, tugging hard enough to nearly throw him off balance in his already unstable state.  “I want to show you around.”

“Right.  Yeah.  Coming.  Give me a sec.”

“Ok,” she said as she began dragging him to a shelter that had been constructed by bending the leafy branches of small trees toward the center and tying them together with vines.  There were large flat leaves braided over the top like a roof.  Inside, was a pile of soft grass and fragrant flowers covered by more, large leaves.

“Here is where I sleep.  I had to put those big leaves on top because water falls from the sky here.”

“That’s called ‘rain’,” Crowley explained.  “God’s big on rain.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

She picked up a basket she kept near the shelter and tugged him away from the shelter and deeper into the foliage.  She waved her free hand toward a wide area with neat rows of different trees and plants.

“This is where I have my food plants,” she explained 

“They were never hard to find, but I got tired of roaming all over looking for what I wanted, so I brought them all to the same place.  It’s much easier this way.”

Crowley nodded approvingly.

“Nice,” he said.  “We’d call this a farm, and those plants would be crops.  What do you have here?”

The demon walked among the deep rows, identifying each plant while Lilith picked different vegetables and dropped them in her basket.

“Right off the bat, I see wheat, corn, beans, carrots, onions, potatoes, rice.  You have a peach tree, a pear tree, coconut, cherries, figs, olives.  Funny.  I don’t see an apple tree.”

“Can you blame me?  I left that where it was.  I’m not taking any chances.”

Crowley laughed. 

“I don’t blame you.”

Lilith put a pear, a peach and some figs in her basket, then showed him dozens more varieties of fruits, legumes and vegetables.  When the basket became too heavy for her to carry one handed, Crowley took it.  He enjoyed how her hand felt in his.

“It looks like it’s all here,” he said finally.  “I’m impressed.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you have any livestock?” he asked.

“What’s that?”

“Animals that you keep for food.”

“Oh.  I don’t eat animals. They aren’t food.” 

“Right.  Of course.”

“I don’t really keep them any place in particular, although I noticed that the ducks and chickens tended to stay where I created nests for them.  That’s over here.”

Crowley had no trouble keeping up with Lilith, but she hadn’t let go of his hand, and he hadn’t tried to disengage.  He could work with this.  She took him to a nearby area where there were several nests with ducks, geese, chickens and other birds.  There was another shelter over many of the nests.  It looked like she hadn’t discovered goat or cow’s milk or realize that she could eat eggs.  He might mention that later, right after he showed her fire.

“The ducks don’t mind the rain, but the chickens and turkeys prefer to stay dry.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

Finally, Lilith led Crowley over a low hill to the shore of a decently sized lake.

“This is where I bathe and swim,” she said.  “You saw the stream where I get my water, right?”

“Yeah. I noticed.”

“That’s really all there is.”

“It looks like it’s plenty.”

“I keep busy.”

“I’m impressed.”

“Thank you.”

She pulled him back toward the shelter.

“Are you hungry?” she asked.

“I don’t really eat.”

“Oh.” 

Lilith pointed at the wooden cup he’d left by the rock where they had been sitting.

“What were you drinking?  It wasn’t the water I gave you.  What did you do?”

Crowley smiled.

“That is known as whiskey,” he said.  “It keeps me steady.”

This was obviously a lie.  There had been plenty of times when whiskey made Crowley decidedly unsteady, but that was a discussion for another time.

“Where did it come from?”

“I did a little miracle and vavoom, whiskey,” he said coyly. “I also used a miracle to clean my body and replace my clothes.”

He indicated Lilith’s dress. 

“And to conjure that little number.”

“Oh.  That’s handy.  I think I remember the angel doing something like that in the Garden, but not you.”

“I didn’t need anything,” Crowley said in a strained voice, trying to push thoughts of Aziraphale out of his mind.  Of course, the angel would use miracles, even in the Garden of Fucking Eden.  He was always a hedonist.

“You might not eat,” Lilith said, “but I’m hungry.  Would you care to join me?  You can just drink your whiskey if you want.”

“Sure, but I think wine might be more appropriate for a meal.  Do you have another cup?”

“No. I only made one.”

“No problem.”

Crowley placed the basket on the ground and summoned two crystal wine glasses filled with a deep red wine.  He gave one to Lilith and held one up to the sun to admire.

“This is wine.  It’s made from grapes.  I noticed you had a lot of varieties of grapes.”

 “I like grapes.”

“You might like them better after you’ve tasted wine.”

“Ok.”

Crowley sat down and leaned lazily on the large stone. Lilith picked up the basket and walked to the stream where she rinsed the produce she’d collected.  She sat down beside him and took a bite out of a juicy peach before sniffing the wine.

“This smells bad,” she said.

“What?”

“It smells like rotten fruit.”

“Oh.  Well, taste it anyway.”

“Ok.”

Lilith took a sip and made a face.

“I’m not sure I like this,” she said.

“It’s an acquired taste.  Humans love it, so keep an open mind.”

She laughed, but didn’t answer. 

Crowley didn’t watch Lilith as she ate.  He made a point of looking out at the ocean and the sky.  He didn’t want to think about the angel.  Eventually, she stood up.

“I usually take a swim after I eat.  Do you swim?”

“I do not, but I’m happy to join you.  It was very pretty around the lake.”

“Great.”

Crowley stood up with a newly refilled glass of wine and picked up Lilith's half empty goblet. 

“Lead the way.”

Lilith took her glass from him, then grabbed his now empty hand.  It occurred to the demon that she craved touch as much as he did, which made sense.  She had been accustomed to touch before she left the Garden.  What had she called it?  “Joining”?

“Follow me,” she said with a smile.

Crowley basked in the late afternoon sun on a large, flat rock near the shore and watched Lilith swim.  Her dress lay next to him on the stone.  Every now and then, she would turn to look at him and wave.  He always waved back.  When the sun no longer baked him on the stone, he called to her to come back.  She laughed, but complied.  He used a miracle to dry her body and her hair so her dress wouldn’t be soaked.  She looked down at herself in surprise and laughed again.

“That is a handy trick,” she said as she pulled the dress over her head and took her wine glass from the demon.  “Thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

“It’s getting dark,” she explained unnecessarily.  “Can you see very well in the dark?”

“Not very well,” he lied.

 As he’d hoped, she took his hand and began to walk toward her shelter.

“I’ll take you there.”

“Thanks.”

As they neared the shelter, Crowley scanned the sandy shore of the ocean.  As he expected, there was an abundance of dried driftwood scattered about.  He put down his glass and started toward the shore.  Lilith quickly put down her glass and followed him.  He barely noticed when she took his hand.  It was surprising how quickly something extraordinary becomes second-nature.

“Ok,” he said as he began to gather driftwood.  “I’ve been showing off and using miracles, but I don’t know what will happen with my powers while I’m here or whether I am sending up a flare and alerting others that I’m here.  No sense tempting fate.”

“What?”

“I’m going to show you something called ‘fire’, but we are going to feed the flames the old fashioned way.”

Lilith looked confused, but good-naturedly joined him in gathering fuel, which they carried back to the rock and dumped unceremoniously onto the ground.  Crowley cleared a large space on the side of the stone opposite the shelter and piled the firewood in a way that was a mystery to the woman, and possibly every Boy Scout on Earth.  He stepped back when he was finished and studied it.  When he was satisfied, he made a tiny gesture, and the logs began to burn.  Lilith jumped backward, startled.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t scare me.  I’ve seen you make things before, but I’ve always been a little afraid of that.” 

She pointed at the fire.

“There are times when it rains very hard, and the sky lights up.  Sometimes, the light strikes the ground and that happens.”

She pointed at the fire.

“It frightens me.  Maybe God is angry and wants to destroy me.”

“Or,” Crowley said as he placed another piece of driftwood on the fire, “She wanted to you have this.”

“Why didn’t She just say so?”

The demon threw up his hands helplessly.

“Who knows.  Anyway, how do you like it?”

“It’s warm and it gives light even when the sun has set and there are no stars.”

She smiled brightly at Crowley, and he was reminded of Muriel, which made him sad.  He’d lost so much.

“I like it!  Thank you again!  I’m so glad you found me.”

The demon sat down heavily against the rock and watched the flames.

“Don’t mention it,” he mumbled.

A moment later, Lilith was beside him, leaning half on the rock and half on him. She bumped his shoulder with hers.

“Come on,” she said, smiling encouragingly.  “Tell me about Earth and humans.”

He smiled back and told her stories of Earth and humans until it was fully dark, and the fire was dying down.  She yawned.

“I don’t know whether you sleep, but I do,” she said.  “And it’s time for me to get to bed.”

“I sleep.”

“Great!  Come on then.  I like to sleep in the shelter in case it rains.”

“I can sleep out here.”

“What?  Why would you do that?”

He shrugged.

“Come on,” she whispered in a small voice.  “Come in with me.  I hate sleeping alone.”

The demon’s heart twisted painfully in his chest.  He knew that feeling.

“Ok,” he said, “but I’m not sleeping on weeds and leaves.”

“Ok.  What are you going to do about it?”

“I’m going to make something comfortable.”

“Show me!”

Crowley stood, walked to the shelter and studied the space.  It wasn’t really large enough for two, so he expanded it.  Then he conjured two wooden beds with comfortable mattresses and pillows, covered with lush sheets and light blankets.

“There you go,” he said proudly, gesturing to the beds as if he were a magician who’d just finished a magic trick.

“Oh, my goodness!  What are those?”

“Those are called beds,” he said smugly, “and I only sleep in beds if I have any choice in the matter.”

He sat down on the edge of his bed.  He chose the one on the right for no particular reason and starting ticking off things on his fingers.

“I want to minimize miracles as much as possible after this, so what do we need?”

Lilith didn’t answer him, but sat on her bed facing him.

“Ok.  We’ll need a box of matches that never runs out or gets wet, a couple of changes of clothes for me…and you.”

He schemed and conjured for several minutes before he was satisfied with his stash.  Then he created a cabinet and dresser to store everything.   Finally, he created a folding screen which he placed down the middle of the shelter.

“In case one of us needs some privacy,” he said when Lilith looked inquiringly at him.

“Privacy?”

“Call me a prude, but if I’m not dressing and undressing by miracle, I’ll want to change my clothes somewhere less public.”

“You’re a demon, right?  You tempted humans to evil for 6,000 years, which is something we are going to discuss in more detail tomorrow, how are you such a prig?”

Crowley didn’t answer.  He just pulled on the screen and stepped behind it.  When he folded it up again, he was wearing a pair of satin pajamas.  He grinned and pirouetted so she could see his handiwork.

Lilith smiled slightly, but looked sad.

“What’s wrong?”

She shrugged.

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“I don’t like to sleep alone.”

“You aren’t alone.  I’m right over here.”

“That’s the point.  You’re over there and I’m over here.  We are still sleeping alone.”

“You want to sleep in the same bed?”

“Yes.”

Crowley was a little uncomfortable about that, although he wasn’t entirely sure why that might be.  Perhaps, he had picked up puritanical human sensibilities, which was ridiculous.   There was absolutely no reason they couldn’t sleep in the same bed.  It’s not like the angel would have any reason to be jealous.  Why was he even worrying about that?

“Ok, then.  But I get the right side.”

“Fine.”

Another gesture produced a king size bed in a newly expanded shelter with the folding screen on one side.

Lilith jumped on the left side happily, stroking the fabric of the sheets and blanket and bouncing on the soft mattress.

“This is wonderful!  Thank you so much.  This might be my favorite thing in the whole world.”

Crowley was glad it was too dark for her to see the look of satisfaction on his face.  He wasn’t supposed to make people happy.  He was a demon.  He was meant to make everyone else as miserable as he was, but he was a lousy demon.  Hadn’t Muriel told him that?  He climbed into the bed and got under the top sheet and blanket.  He hadn’t realized how tired and bruised he was from his trek through the dark corridors.  The bed felt wonderful. 

Lilith peeled her dress over her head, and climbed in next to him. 

“I like to sleep in the nude.”

“Of course, you do,” Crowley said as he scooted closer to the edge of the bed.  ‘Night,”

“Goodnight.”

The demon was a sound sleeper, and despite all of his efforts to maintain distance while he was awake, he woke the in the middle of the night on his side and facing right, with Lilith tucked tightly against his back.  She was warm and he was tired, so he went back to sleep.

---

“Ok, you told me some stuff about Earth and humans yesterday,” Lilith said as she was having breakfast while Crowley disconsolately sipped water. 

The demon only grunted in response.  He wasn’t fully awake yet and was trying to figure out how to get coffee on a renewable basis without resorting to a miracle.  Finally, he focused on the woman.

“Why are we even out of bed?  It’s practically still dark.”

“Oh, come on. It’s not that early.  Don’t be a big baby.”

“Look,” he said.  “I’ll sleep in the same bed with you, but I’m not waking up with you anymore.  It’s too fucking early.  Dawn hurts my eyes.”

“I said I’d help you find the coffee plants that are sure to be in the garden somewhere, didn’t I?”

“So?”

“So, quit being such a pill.  I’ll be done eating in a minute and, by then, it will be light enough to start looking.”

“Fine.  How did you move all of those plants?  Do you have a spade or shovel?”

“I’m going to say I don’t have them because I don’t even know what they are.”

“It’s going to take awhile to become ‘miracle free’,” Crowley mused, “but we’ll do the best we can.  I wonder if it makes a difference if I do a bunch together or if I spread them out over time.”

Lilith stood up.

“I’m done,” she announced. “Let’s get going.  Do you know what a coffee plant looks like?”

“Yeah, come on.”

Lilith followed him from the shelter as he trudged into the garden.  He turned to check on her after he’d climbed a steep, rocky incline and offered his hand to help her to the top.  He felt guilty when he noticed her bare feet.  He should have made her some shoes.

“Are your feet ok?” he asked.  “Do you need shoes?”

“My feet are fine.  I’m used to this.  It’s just that these rocks were round and loose, so it was hard to get my footing.  I’m ok now.”

“Ok.”

“Anyway, I think the plant you described was over this way a bit.  Can you see it?”

Crowley looked where she was pointing and recognized the bright red cherries on the coffee plant.  He was relieved to see that there was plenty of ripe fruit.  He took the basket from where he had tied it over his shoulder and walked quickly to the plants.

“This isn’t that far from the shelter,” he said.  “I don’t think we need to transplant these.  I’ll just create a path to make it easier to get there.  Otherwise, it would be impossible to get full baskets down that slope.  We’ll have to take it easy today.”

Lilith grabbed her basket and helped him pick the coffee cherries.  When both baskets were full they started back the way they had come.  Crowley scrabbled down the hill with his basket, then climbed back up to get Lilith's.  Finally, he reached up and helped her down, but they skidded the last several feet.  Crowley was covered with dirt, but mostly unharmed, but Lilith had too much bare skin and had several abrasions. 

“You need better clothes if you’re going to do this again,” the demon muttered as he examined her injuries.

“I’m fine, really.  I’ll be better in no time.  I’ve had worse.”

“Really?”

“Yes.  I’ve fallen tons of times.  I think I’ve broken bones before, but they mend pretty quickly.  Don’t worry about me.”

“That’s good to know.  Can you walk?”

“My ankle is a little sore.  Will you help me?”

“Yes.  Here put your arm around my waist.  Like that.  Ok. I’ve got you.”

Crowley helped Lilith to the shelter, then checked her ankle.  It was swollen and bruised.

“You did a job on this,” he muttered.  “How bad does it hurt?  I know which plants help with pain.”

“It’s honestly not that bad.  Don’t worry about me.”

The demon looked skeptical but went back for the coffee cherries.

“Have you made coffee before?” the woman asked from her spot near the rock.

“Yeah.  I spent some time at a coffee plantation.  A lot of really awful stuff happens in those places, so it’s easy to tempt humans.  In the meantime, I learned a thing or two about coffee.”

“Good.”

“I’ll be over by the stream.  I have to wash these.  Do you need some water?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“No problem,” he said as he handed her the cup.  “After I’m done here, I’ll help you to the lake so you can get cleaned up.  You might as well wash your dress while you’re washing yourself.”

“Great!” Lilith said as she ate some leftover fruit from breakfast.

“After that, I’m going to teach you how to cook.”

“Ok.”

Not long after, Crowley brushed off his hands and clothes as he approached Lilith where she still sat by the rock.  He looked at her ankle.  It looked less swollen, and the bruise was a faded yellow.  He didn’t comment on it, but was relieved.  She was human, but she wasn’t as fragile as the humans he’d encountered. 

“I’m done here.  Let me help you up.”

He reached down and half lifted her from the ground.  He kept an arm around her waist and helped her to the lake and placed her on the same flat rock on which he basked the day before.  They were both a little breathless.

“Let me know when you’re ready to go in the water he said, as he sat to take off his shoes. 

He unbuckled his belt. 

“I guess I’ll wash my clothes too, while I’m in there.”

“Are you going to get naked?” he asked.  “I’ve never seen a naked demon.  I’ve only ever seen Adam.”

“You are not going to see a naked demon today,” he assured her as he unbuttoned his vest.  “I’ll keep my shorts on.”

Lilith looked disappointed, but didn’t say anything.  Instead, she pulled her dress over her head and waited on the rock for Crowley to finish undressing.  She studied his lean form with interest as he stood in his boxer shorts.  Oddly, this made him very uncomfortable.

“Like what you see?” he asked, trying to cover his embarrassment.

“Oh yes.  You are very pretty.”

“Great.  Are you ready?”

She clutched her dress and he bent to lift her to help her to the water.  He was not used to being barefoot, and he stumbled and lost his grip when he stepped on a sharp rock.  As he scrambled to remain standing, his hand slipped on her wet skin, and he tried to ignore what he was touching.  He left her in the deeper part of the lake where the water would support her weight and went back for his clothes, relieved to be on firmer ground.  She watched him walk back to the shore and giggled.  She was having fun.

Crowley walked back into the lake, being careful to avoid the sharp rocks.  He kept his clothes in his hands, but immersed himself in the water to rinse off the dust and dirt.  He used his shirt like a washcloth, then rubbed it roughly to work out the embedded soil.  He did the same with his trousers and socks.  He’d left his leather vest with his shoes and belt.  His back was to Lilith the entire time, so he did not see her approaching him and was shocked when she jumped on his back and pulled him off balance and over into the water.

He struggled for a moment, but was a demon, and much stronger than the woman, and he came up for air, coughing, sputtering and cursing.  He was furious and the water steamed around him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he shouted, spinning in the water to find her.

She stood out of reach and surveyed the situation.  Perhaps, she had gone too far.  She could see his eyes when he wasn’t rubbing them or wiping the water out of them, and they were completely yellow with very narrow black slits.  Of course, she had noticed his eyes when he changed from a snake, but they hadn’t alarmed her, but now he glared fiercely at her, and she was frightened.  

“I was trying to play,” she explained as reasonably as she could, striving to keep her voice steady.  “I was just having a little fun.”

“Does it look like I think this is fun?” he demanded, walking slowly toward her.

“No, but I thought it would be fun.”

“Well, it’s not.”

Crowley was right in front of her, looming over her and almost snarling.  He was terrifying.

“Ok.  I’m sorry.”

Her lip quivered a tiny bit, but she didn’t shrink away or step back, which stopped him cold.  Any other human would have been reduced to quivering jelly, but she stood still, her face very pale.  He leaned closer and stared into her eyes.  She blinked, but that was her only response.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.  “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Why aren’t you afraid of me?” he asked, honestly curious.

She shrugged, but didn’t answer.  She just stood there, pale and silent.

He rubbed his hands over his face, pushed his hair out of his eyes and sighed.

“Look,” he said quietly.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have gotten that angry, but you surprised me.  I could have really hurt you.  Do you understand that?”

She nodded.

“Come on,” he said finally and turned toward the shore, collecting his clothes from the bottom of the lake.  “Let’s get out of here.”

“You go.  I’ll come later.”

He didn’t like to leave her there, but she’d lived in this garden alone for centuries.  He didn’t really have an excuse to stay, and he needed some time alone to collect himself.

“What about your ankle?”

“It’s feeling much better.  It’s like I told you.  I heal fast.”

“Fine.”

She watched him walk out of the water and onto the shore.  He didn’t bother to wring out his wet clothes, he just grabbed his belt, vest and shoes and strode angrily away.  When she was completely alone, she cried.

It was nearly dark when Lilith finally came back to the shelter.  Crowley had stoked the fire to make it easier to see, and was considering going to look for her when he saw her white dress glowing in the setting sun.  He had gotten over his anger, and regretted his outburst, but he’d been looking over his shoulder for eons, always afraid that Hell was coming for him because sometimes Hell came for him.  He was hyper aware and always on edge.

He honestly could have hurt her, and was relieved that he’d gotten control of himself as quickly as he did.  But at the same time, he was disgusted that he’d let himself relax.  It was his fault for letting his guard down, for trusting any place or anyone.  He rubbed his temples. He had a headache.

When she got close enough, he gestured toward a log he’d set near the fire.  He’d gotten two of them, so they wouldn’t have to sit in the dirt.  Tomorrow, he would remove the bark to make them more comfortable, but they would do for today.  She sat down, but neither spoke for several uncomfortable minutes.

“I’m sorry,” Lilith said again, quietly.  “I was just playing around.  I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know.  I shouldn’t have reacted like that,” he said.  “It’s just that . . ..”

“What?”

“Look.  I’m a demon.  That means I spent a lot of time in Hell, and it is not a pleasant place.  I was lucky to get that gig on Earth, but there are no guarantees.  They can come for you any place, any time.”

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t know, but it was still wrong of me.  I should have known better, but you didn’t scare me like he did.  It was stupid.”

“Who scared you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, ok?  I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”

She got up and walked to the shelter.

“Do you want me to sleep outside tonight?” she asked.

“What? No! Why would I want that?  Do you want me to sleep outside?”

“No.  Do you want to?”

“No.”

“Good.  I promise to stay on my side of the bed.  Good night.”

“Good night.”

Crowley stayed outside for a long time, staring into the fire until he thought she must be asleep.   He undressed outside and put his still damp clothes on the rock near the fire to dry overnight.  He walked quietly to the shelter and climbed into bed as gently as he could so he wouldn’t wake her.  He lay on his back on the edge of the bed and stared into the darkness.  Perhaps he fell asleep, but he became aware of tiny snuffling sounds next to him.

“Lilith?” he whispered.  “Are you awake?”

The sounds stopped.

“Lilith?”

“What?”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“I know.  I just feel so stupid.”

“Why?”

“You’re a demon.  I should take you more seriously, but you just seemed different.”

“Different from what?”

“Nothing.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I just want to go to sleep, ok?”

“Ok.”

He woke up the next morning in an empty bed, and sighed, but he knew what he was going to do.  He was going to do what he’d been doing with Aziraphale for eons.  He was going to pretend like nothing happened.  He looked out from the shelter, but didn’t see Lilith, although he noticed a basket was missing.  He quickly grabbed his clothes from the stone where they had been drying and got dressed.

He was sitting by the fire, despondently sipping water.  He’d be so glad when his coffee beans were ready.  He thought he might ignore the normal drying time and just start roasting them.  It might not be ideal, but it was better than trying to wake up with water. 

Lilith still wasn’t back when the demon was finally ready to start the day, so he went into the shelter, opened the trunk and pulled out a hatchet.  Crowley had been on Earth from the beginning and had seen humans invent tools to make their lives easier, so he knew how to do it all, but that didn’t mean that he was willing to do that much work.  He’d made a mental note of all of the tools and implements he would need to live comfortably and had used a very big miracle to conjure them.

He took the hatchet back to the fire and began to remove the bark from the logs he’d scavenged while he waited for Lilith to return.  He had just finished cleaning the third log when he saw her.  She was coming from the direction of the lake, and he had made a point of facing that direction while he worked.  He would have to find out what was in the garden on the opposite side of the shelter, but he banked on Lilith being a creature of habit. Her crops were that way, so he correctly assumed she would be harvesting food from her gardens.

“What did you bring us, today?” he asked casually.

“More of the same,” she replied, apparently happy to ignore the events of the previous day.

“Do you want to learn how to cook or read first?”

“What or what?”

“Now that you have fire, you don’t have to eat raw vegetables and grains.  You can have a hot meal.”

She looked skeptical.

“That sounds nice,”  she said.  “What was the other thing?”

“Humans communicate using symbols.  Reading means that you know what the symbols mean so you can get the information another human has written.”

Lilith nodded, unsure.

“I’m pretty hungry,” she said finally.  “Show me cooking.”

Crowley nodded, walked into the shelter and emerged carrying a book, a grate and some metal pots and pans.

“What’s all that?”

“It’s just some of the stuff I conjured before I quit using miracles.  I tried to think of everything we could possibly need and stored it in the trunks and cabinets in the shelter.  It’s a cheat, I know, but I didn’t feel like reinventing the wheel.  I brought a couple of more dresses for you, and some shoes.  I wish I had thought of that for myself.”

He pointed at the items in his hands.

“This is the type of stuff humans would use when they go camping.  Camping is when people intentionally live and cook outdoors.  I never understood it, but humans essentially “camped” before they figured out how to. . . well, NOT camp, and this is the ‘Big Book of Everything’, or what I call ‘The Book’.”

Lilith just nodded.  She was a very fast learner, but she would need more than this to decipher the demon’s meaning.

Crowley placed the grate over the fire to create a work surface and went to the stream to fill a large pot with water, which he set on the grate.

“Show me what you brought,” he said. 

Lilith handed him the basket, but it was full of fruit.

“Ok,” he said.  “You don’t need to cook fruit.  Let’s go back to the garden and see what we can find.”

Lilith followed him to the garden, and he surveyed it with fresh perspective.

“You have all of these grains, and different things that you can really only eat if you cook them.  Why did you plant them here?”

“I brought back seeds from all of the plants I could find.  I didn’t have much to do, so I planted them in neat rows.  It took a lot of time.”

“I’m sure.  Well, now you are going to benefit from the bounty of your harvest.”

“Ok.”

Crowley walked through the rows, and gathered carrots, onions, turnips, corn and barley.

“This will do for now,” he said.  “My book is helpful, but it doesn’t tell us everything, so we’re going to have to experiment.  It’s interesting that everything is ripe.”

“Ripe?  That’s just how it grows.  It always looks like that.”

“Good.  That means we don’t have to worry about seasons or food rotting in the fields.”

“Ok.”

Lilith was fascinated, but had no basis for understanding what the demon was saying.  Still, she was happy to have something to occupy their time together.

Crowley walked back to the fire.  The water in the pot was boiling. He rinsed and chopped the vegetables and threw everything into the pot and put a lid on it. 

“This is hardly ideal,” he said, “but it’s a start.  I didn’t do a lot of actual cooking since I don’t eat, but humans are fascinating, so I witnessed it.  I’m sure it will come back to me, or we’ll learn while we go.”

Lilith just nodded.

“How long will that take?” she asked.

“We’ll cook it until the barley is soft enough to eat,” he answered absently as he plucked a smaller pot from the pile of camping supplies.  “Let’s go down to the ocean and get some salty water.  I think I remember how to use it to get salt.”

Lilith followed him to the seashore and watched as he tried to get the cleanest water without getting his trousers wet.  After a few minutes, she snorted and took the pot.  She peeled off her dress, handed it to Crowley and walked out into the ocean to collect water that wasn’t full of seaweed and debris.  The demon made a point of not looking at her as she walked back to the shore.  He was going to have to take a little time later to unpack his feelings about naked humans.

“Ok,” he said when she handed him the pot full of ocean water and took back her dress, which she carried because she was too wet to put it back on.  “Now, we boil this down to get to the salt.  You’ll like salt.”

Lilith shrugged.  That statement didn’t require an answer.  She guessed she would find out whether she liked salt.

When everything in the big pot looked “cooked enough”, Crowley dished some into two bowls.  He had tried to give Lilith a bowl without taking one himself, but she gave him the skunk-eye, so he relented.  He took a small bite.  It was mostly bland, but the onion and carrots gave it a little flavor.  At least the barley was cooked all the way.

“What do you think?” he asked Lilith.

“It’s different,” she said tentatively.  “Cooked vegetables don’t take as long to eat and it kind of tastes good, I guess.  Barley is interesting.  Now, I’ll be able to use some of the grains.  Mostly, I fed them to the chickens.”

“It will be better with salt, and maybe some fat or meat.”

“What?”

“Humans eat animals for food.”

“What?”

“Humans keep animals like chickens, goats and cows for food.  You get eggs from chickens and milk from cows and goats, but you can slaughter the animal for meat and fat.  Bones make a really good broth for something like this.”

Lilith looked horrified.

“Humans eat animals?”

“Yes.  Animals are tasty.”

“That’s barbaric!”

“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”

“Hmph,” she said dubiously.  “You said you would teach me symbols?”

“Reading.  Yes.  I can teach you to read.”

“Why do I want to read?”

“Many humans read to pass the time.  It’s also good for recording events and information.  Maybe you’ll decide you want to leave here and go out into the world with other humans.  Reading is pretty essential for that.”

“Do you think I could leave here?”

Lilith sounded a little interested, but mostly doubtful.

“I don’t know.  I don’t know enough about this place yet, but I’m not in any hurry to get back, even if I can figure out how to do it.  Do you want to leave?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t worry about it then.  Stay here.  I’ll go get a book, a pencil and some paper.”

Crowley walked to the shelter and pulled the stuff out of the trunk, then sat beside Lilith on the log.

“Ok,” he explained.  “This is a book.  These symbols are called letters.  The letters are arranged to make up words.  This is paper and this is a pencil.  You use them to write symbols to make words.”

“Why do I need to ‘write’?  Isn’t reading enough?”

“Reading and writing go together.   You’ll see what I mean.  Let’s start with reading.  We will need a table or flat surface to write.”

He opened the first page of Dr. Seuss’s Alphabet Book. 

“This is the letter A,” he said.  “It sounds like ah or ay.”

“What is that?  How is there a rabbit in your book?”

“Oh.  This is called a drawing.  You can do that with pencil and paper, too.  I guess there’s more to this than I thought.  Anyway, this is the letter A.  What begins with A?”

Lilith leaned closer to Crowley to see the book, and he could feel her warmth.  Even with the mild weather in the garden, he still relished heat, but her proximity was making him a little uncomfortable.  Finally, he handed her the book to lay on her lap and they read it together.

Lilith was very clever and mastered the alphabet and the book quickly.  When Crowley was satisfied, he closed the book.  He was hot and he had a headache.

“I think that’s enough for now,” he said.  “I could use a swim.  How about you?”

Lilith jumped up.

“I like reading, but I could use a swim too.”

“Great.  Let’s go.”

“Are you going to wear all of your clothes?”

“To the lake, yeah.  I need shoes, and shoes with boxer shorts is not the look for me.”

“Ok.”

Crowley noticed that Lilith did not take his hand today.  That was probably because he knew where they were going, but he suspected it had to do with their conflict from the day before.  He felt bad about that, but there wasn’t much to be done about it.

When they got to the lake, Lilith pulled her dress over her head, laid it across the rock and waded into the lake.  Crowley watched the path she took.  It looked like it was all sand, and no sharp rocks.  He wondered if demons were supposed to have such sensitive feet or if this was a result of a lifetime of shoes.  He undressed and followed Lilith into the cool water. It felt good although he wouldn’t want to stay in indefinitely.  It didn’t take him long to get cold.

Lilith was very comfortable in the water and, though her strokes were a bit unconventional, she made good progress as she swam away from him.  He lay on his back and floated.  He was a little too lean and angular to float well, but he managed.  It was relaxing and he could feel the knots in his neck and shoulders loosen and come untied.  He glanced to see where Lilith was, then closed his eyes. 

Angels and demons were genderless.  He and Aziraphale had presented male because it was easier in most cultures.  Women were often under too many restrictions, and even though he was perfectly capable of defending himself as a female, male humans tended to take liberties with his corporation in ways he did not care for.

He had been on Earth among humans for eons and humans were obsessed with sex.  He thought about all of the art and books and films and magazines dedicated to the objectification of the human body for pleasure.  When he was a temptation demon, these things and sex were the tools of his trade.  Lilith's nudity should not bother him, but it did because he was a prude.  When did that happen?

He knew exactly when that happened.  He became a prude when he finally admitted his feelings for Aziraphale and came to associate sex with a love bond, and nudity with sex.  Sex without love was wrong, so nudity was wrong. 

“Man!  I’m a mess!” he whispered to himself.  “Just get over it.”

“Crowley?” Lilith called from a safe distance.  “I’m ready to go in, but you can stay out if you want.”

“No, I’m ready, too.  Go ahead.  I’ll join you in a minute.”

The demon waited until Lilith was dressed and headed for the shelter before he came out of the water.  He used his shirt to dry his body and hair and put on his vest, trousers, shoes and socks.

When he got back to the campfire, he saw that Lilith had dished up some more of the vegetables and barley.  He’d taken the pot off the grate, but left it in the hot ashes on the side of the fire to keep the pot warm.  She took a bite, but chewed it without much enthusiasm.  He smiled.  It was good to have a purpose.

“We’ll make it better,” he said as he checked the water in the salt pot.  He quickly took it off the heat and was relieved it hadn’t burned.  Even though it was still wet, so not technically ready, he used the ladle to put a little into Lilith's bowl. 

“Stir it in,” he told her.  “Then give it a try.”

She tasted it and nodded slightly.  It was better.

“You know what would make it even more delicious?” Crowley tempted.  “Meat and bones.”

“I don’t want to kill any animals,” Lilith said firmly.

“Ok.  Don’t kill any young, healthy animals, but I saw a chicken yesterday who looked like she was on her last drumsticks.  She’s going to die soon anyway, but if you let her die, you shouldn’t eat her.”

“I’m not going to kill any animals.”

“What if I killed her?  Seriously, she might die any minute.”

Lilith nodded.  She knew which hen Crowley was talking about and she couldn’t argue with his assessment.

Crowley dumped the salt out of the smaller pot into a bowl and transferred the remaining stew into the now empty pot.  He took the large pot to the stream and filled it with water and put it on the grate to heat.  When it was boiling, he picked up the pot by the handle and carried it, along with a cutting board and long knife, to the poultry coops.   Twenty minutes later, he came back with the pot, in which he had placed the chicken pieces.

“I didn’t think of this yesterday, but you have herbs in your garden, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“I’m going to get this started and then we can go get some herbs.”

“Ok.”

Crowley emptied the big pot and set it on the grate to heat.  When it was hot, he placed the chicken pieces in the bottom and seemed satisfied when they started to sizzle and spit.  He added a little of the sea salt, and used what little fat was rendered to create a fond in the bottom of the pot, occasionally turning the pieces with a fork.  When he was satisfied, he added enough water to cover the chicken, then put the lid on the pot.

“Ok, let’s go get some more veggies, aromatics and some herbs.  After you.”

Lilith grabbed the basket and led the way to the gardens where Crowley picked sage and rosemary while Lilith dug up an onion and some garlic.  She also picked more carrots and a couple of potatoes.  They cleaned and cut up the produce and Crowley waited a half hour before adding it all to the pot, with the herbs, onion and garlic going in first.  He liberally sprinkled salt over all of it then replaced the lid.

Lilith smiled.

“That smells good,” she said.

“Yeah, well.  I’m no chef, but I’ve seen humans cook before.  I used to watch cooking shows all the time.  I’m making this up, but we can feel our way.  It’s not like we have somewhere else to be.”

“Right!”

Thirty minutes later, the demon poked the chicken and potatoes with a fork, stirred the meat and vegetables together, and left the lid off the pot.  He went back into the shelter, came out with the bottle of red wine, and poured some into the pot.

“I hope this works,” he said.  “I’ve seen it done a thousand times, but I’ve never cooked with wine.”

“It smells good.”

“I want to let some of this liquid evaporate, then we can eat.”

He stirred the pot a couple more times before he decided it was time to eat some chicken. He gave Lilith a little white meat, which he hoped wasn’t overcooked, along with the vegetables, and took some for himself.  He showed Lilith how to use the knife and fork to cut the chicken into manageable pieces and they took the first bite together. 

“Not bad!” he said with satisfaction.  “What do you think?”

“I think I like it, but it’s very strange.”

“I didn’t give you very much meat,” Crowley explained, a little worried, “because you’ve never eaten it.  I hope you don’t have any problem with it.” 

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.  I feel bad for the chicken, but I like this.  There are so many new flavors.  Thank you!”

The demon shrugged modestly, secretly pleased at his success.  He was making this up as he went along, which was basically how he’d lived every day of his life up to that moment.

---

He woke up alone the next morning, but discovered that this would always be the case.  Lilith was an early riser, and Crowley felt her get out of bed.  When that happened, he would roll over onto his stomach, stick his head under his pillow, spread out completely and sleep soundly for several more hours.  Otherwise, he slept close to the edge of the bed, and he noticed that Lilith also stayed on her side. 

He climbed out of bed the next morning and walked out of the shelter, yawning and stretching, his hair sticking out in all directions.  Lilith gave him an amused look.

“Morning, sleepy head,” she said.  “This is a new look for you.”

“I’m not using miracles and I don’t have coffee,” he grumbled.  “I don’t know what you want from me.”

“What do we have to do to get you some coffee?”

“The beans should dry longer, but I guess I could try roasting some today.  After that, we get rid of the skins and grind the beans, I think.”

“Let’s give it a try.”

“Have you done your reading for today?”

“Yes.”

“Show me.”

Lilith got the book and read it along with Crowley, then showed him the letters she had traced on the paper. 

“Good job.  Let’s roast some beans, then decide what we want to do with the rest of the day.”

“Ok.”

The bean roasting experiment was a partial success.  They hardly burned the beans and they managed to get the majority of the skins out of the pan.  When he was satisfied, Crowley got the coffee pot from the cabinet in the shelter, put it on the grate and added water.  He waited for the water to get warm, then added the pulverized beans and heated the water to a rolling boil.  He let it boil for a few minutes, took it off the grate and added a little cold water.  After a couple of minutes, he carefully poured some coffee into a metal coffee cup.  He took a deep whiff of the aroma and held it out for Lilith to smell.  She smiled a little and nodded, unsure but supportive.

Finally, Crowley took a sip and held the hot beverage in his mouth for a minute before he swallowed it. 

“Well?  Do you like it?”

“It’s not bad.  We can do better, but it’ll do in a pinch.”

After he had finished his second cup of coffee, Crowley was ready to get on with the day.

“What should we do now?” he asked.

“You wanted to weave mats for the shelter, and to sit on,” Lilith reminded him.

“Right.  Let me consult The Book.”

He put The Book down on his lap and beckoned Lilith to sit next to him.

“You see these pictures, yeah?  We need a plant with leaves like this.  Do you know where those might be?”

“I know where I can find them, but it’s a bit of a walk.  I won’t be long.  Is that ok?”

“You don’t want me to come with you?”

“Oh.  I didn’t say that.  I didn’t think you’d want to come, but you’re certainly welcome.”

“Ok.”

Crowley didn’t know why it bothered him that she intended to go exploring without him, and he didn’t waste much time thinking about it.  He took a last drink of coffee and stood up.

“Let’s go,” he said.

Lilith was not exaggerating.  The plants they needed were quite a way from the shelter.  It shouldn’t have surprised Crowley that the garden was so large, but it did. He’d imagined it was essentially a small island, but he couldn’t see any end of it, even when he climbed to the highest spot he could find. 

They were hot and dirty when they finally made it back and they both sat down on the logs with relief.

“I couldn’t get them to grow closer to the shelter,” Lilith explained.  “I tried, but they must need those specific conditions to thrive.”

“Well, we got a lot.  This should be enough for now.”

Lilith had already dished up some of the leftovers from the day before.  They were trying to figure out how to make porridge or oatmeal or some other cereal, but they hadn’t mastered that yet.  Crowley hoped that she was impervious to illness the same way she seemed to recover quickly from injuries.  He was not sure how to store the food at a safe temperature and was ready to just keep it hot indefinitely. 

“I don’t know about you,” Lilith said when she finished eating, “but I need a swim.  I feel disgusting.  I must stink.”

Crowley didn’t say anything, but she didn’t stink.  If anything, her scent was more compelling than before.  He didn’t make eye contact.

“I’ll join you, if that’s ok,” he said.

“Of course.  Come on.”

While they walked to the lake the demon considered different options.  They could swim, but he thought it might be fun to float.  Maybe they’d make a raft.  He kind of remembered how to do it.  They needed logs and vines.

Lilith was undressed and in the water before he was.  He changed out of his clothes, then walked into the water.  He rinsed the dirt out of his hair and floated on his back.  He felt a disturbance on the water and saw Lilith swimming toward him, but she stopped before she got too close.

“Do you need something?” he asked.  “I’m sorry I lost my temper.  You can come closer. Just don’t jump on me from behind.”

“I know.”

“I was thinking of making a raft. How does that sound to you?”

“What’s a raft?”

“It’s a structure made of logs tied together with vines.  It’s like a floating platform.”

“That sounds interesting.”

“I guess we should wait until we’ve woven our mats, though.”

“Yeah.  You’re probably right.”

“I’m ready to go back.”

“Me too.”

Lilith went ahead of him and sat on the rock to allow her body to dry while she waited for Crowley to get dressed. This made him uncomfortable in a number of ways.  First, she was naked and basking in the sun on a rock in a beautiful garden, and he was a prude.  But he was also a tempter, and he knew “irresistible” when he saw it.  Obviously, that wasn’t her intention, but that was the result, and he wasn’t sure what to do with it. 

She usually went back to the shelter ahead of him which allowed him to change out of his wet shorts into dry shorts so he could pull on his trousers, socks and shoes.  He didn’t mind her seeing him in his shorts, but he didn’t want to change in front of her.  If he asked her to look away, she’d probably laugh at him, and even if she didn’t, she should. He was being ridiculous.  He didn’t want to put on his shoes and socks when he was only wearing his shorts for obvious reasons.  But he didn’t want to walk back to the shelter barefoot.

“Could you turn your back, please?” he asked, running out of viable options.

“What?  Sure.”

She turned her back and he quickly changed his wet shorts for dry ones and finished getting dressed.

“Thank you,” he said, trying to make it sound like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“No problem.”

They walked back to the shelter and spent the rest of the day weaving mats, or at least trying to weave mats.  The book showed how to weave patterns using different colored fronds and all sorts of fun stuff, but they were lucky to have one mat that didn’t immediately come unwoven the minute they put it on the ground.  It didn’t get better when Crowley swapped out coffee for whiskey and poured Lilith a glass of wine.  It was ludicrous and hilarious and fully dark before they gave up and Crowley threw the monstrosity into the fire.

“We’ll try again tomorrow,” he said.  “I think we were getting the hang of it.”

“If ‘by the hang of it’ you mean we only cut ourselves once in the last hour, then I’d say you were right.  Those frond things are sharp.”

“How did you make the basket you use to gather produce?”

“I used coconut leaves.”

“What?”

“Yeah.  They’re much easier.”

“Why didn’t you say something?  We walked for miles, got dirty and sticky, then came back here and failed spectacularly and there was an easier way?”

“You didn’t ask, and you seemed set on using these frondy-things, so I just went with it.”

She took a big sip of wine, then looked at him boldly.

“Why?  Is that a problem?”

Crowley choked on his whiskey and Lilith pounded his back until he stopped coughing.

“Ow!  Stop that. You’re hurting me.”

“Pansy, ” Lilith gasped, as she tried to pour another glass of wine.  She couldn’t stop laughing and it kept sloshing.

“Why pound choking people on the back in the first place?”

“I don’t know.  It seemed like the thing to do.”

“Humans do it, and it made no sense to me.  I guess it’s just instinctive?  I’ll never get the hang of you lot.”

He took another drink of whiskey, looking cautiously at Lilith who was poised to start pounding if he started choking.

“Maybe tomorrow, you can show me how to weave coconut leaves,” he said.

“Of course.”

Lilith stood and yawned, stretching her arms high and wide.

“I'm tired.  I think I’ll go to bed.  Try not to be such a moose when you get into bed tonight, ok?  I need my beauty sleep.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Crowley chuckled.  “‘Night.”

“Good night.”

The demon sat on the log, sipping whiskey and listening to the waves and the stars as they shimmered.  After a while, he stood up, banked the fire, and walked to the shelter where he stripped down to his shorts and climbed, very gingerly, into bed.  He listened for Lilith's breathing and thought it sounded regular.  He hoped he didn’t wake her. 

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, but something felt off.   He was in a safe haven.  What could be off?  He held his breath, tasted the air and listened.  He tasted salt, he heard a very faint sniff and felt the bed move under Lilith. 

“Lilith?”

Nothing.

“Lilith?  Are you awake.”

“Yes.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s ok.  Please don’t worry about it.”

He felt her sit up and move to the edge of the bed.

“I’ll go outside.  I’m fine.  Sorry if I’m keeping you awake.”

“What?  Don’t go outside.  What are you talking about?  I wasn’t asleep.  You aren’t keeping me awake.”

Lilith didn’t speak, but she didn’t get out of bed either.

“Tell me what’s wrong.  Did I do something?”

“No.  You didn’t do anything.”

“Then, what’s wrong?”

“I had a bad dream, ok?”

“You mean tonight?”

“Yes.  Right before you came to bed.  You woke me, but that was a good thing.  I hate that dream.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Crowley was reaching the end of his rope here.  He was bad at this sort of thing, but he could never manage to walk away, so he stayed.

“No. I don’t think I want to talk about it.”

“Is there something I can do?”

Lilith didn’t say anything.

Crowley didn’t have much experience with women, but he’d spent eons dealing with Aziraphale.  If the angel didn’t answer a question like that, it meant there was something he could do, but it was up to him to fucking guess what it was.  Usually, it was something stupid like buying lunch, as if he didn’t do that most of the time anyway, or coming into the shop with the fancy chocolates Aziraphale loved, but would never buy for himself.  It meant that the angel wanted the demon to make everything better, even when Aziraphale refused to tell him what was wrong.

Crowley thought about Muriel.  She was a less complicated angel. If she was upset and it wasn’t the demon’s fault, she would take a hug, even if she was too timid to ask for it, but Muriel was very childlike in a lot of ways.

Crowley sighed inwardly.  Surely, Lilith was more sophisticated than that.  He couldn’t hear her, but he felt the bed move slightly with her sobs. Crowley was not into sports, and certainly had no interest in American football, but he decided to throw the equivalent of a Hail Mary pass.  He reached over and patted Lilith's shoulder lightly.  She stiffened and he slowly removed his hand.

“I’m sorry,” he said, rubbing his temples in frustration.  “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you probably don’t want me to touch you.  I’m just making it worse.”

“You can touch me.  If you want.”

“Do you want me to?”

“What does that matter?”

“What?”

“Why does it matter what I want?”

Crowley rolled over on his side to face Lilith's side of the bed, although her back was to him.

“Are you joking?  Of course, it fucking matters what you want.”

“It never has before.”

Crowley got goosebumps.  He was getting very close to something he did not think he should get involved in, but he couldn’t figure out how to extricate himself from the situation.  At the same time, he was fairly certain that he needed to see this through.

“It matters to me.”

“What does?”

Lilith sounded genuinely confused and turned to face him.  Even in the dark, he could see that she’d been crying, but he expected that.

“What you wanted.  I would never touch you if you didn’t want me to.”

“Would you touch me if I wanted you to?”

“That depends on what you wanted me to do.”

Crowley was way out of his depth here, and he was beginning to sweat.  He blinked, which was a sure sign of agitation.

“I want you to hold me,” she said in a small voice.  “I’m frightened.”

The demon took a minute to process the statement, then held his arms open just as he had learned to do with Muriel.

“Come here,” he said very quietly.

Lilith scrambled over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in the crook of his neck.  Her cheeks were wet and her breath was warm.  He rolled over onto his back and pulled her close, so her head lay on his shoulder and her right arm was on his chest.  She threw her right leg over his hips.  Her entire body was pressed up against his bare skin, and he stroked her hair with his right hand as he made the same low, shushing noises he’d used for centuries to calm little children.  Finally, he pulled the blanket up and tucked it around her shoulders. 

“It must have been a Hell of a dream,” he whispered.

“It was.”

“Try to get some sleep, ‘kay?”

“Yeah.”

---

He woke up in an empty bed again the next morning, except he was already on his stomach in the middle of the bed, so he only had to bury his head under his pillow to go back to sleep, which he did.

When he came out of the shelter later that morning, he found Lilith weaving another basket from coconut leaves.  The coffee pot was buried in the ashes on the edge of the fire.  When she saw him, she placed it back on the grate and added some coconut leaf remnants to the flame.  Crowley gave her a grateful smile, poured a cup of coffee, returned the pot to the grate, then sat on the log sipping the hot beverage.  He grimaced slightly.

“When these grounds are gone, I’ll roast more, but I’ll be careful not to burn them this time. In the meantime, this does what I need it to do.  Thank you.”

“Think nothing of it.”

“I thought we might do some fishing today,” he said after he poured his second cup of coffee.

“Fishing?”

“Yeah, we catch fish to eat.  I figured you can’t be that sentimentally attached to the fish, right?  We can also dig up clams from the beach.  I think there might be other things, but I’d have to consult The Book.”

“I tried to read The Book, but didn’t have much luck.  I liked the pictures, though.”  

“It’s a little advanced for you right now, but not for long.  You’re making excellent progress.”

“Yeah, I’m working hard.  I really want to know what’s in the other books you brought.”

Crowley gave her a sly look.

“Super-secret stuff,” he teased.

Lilith stood up and brushed off her hands, ready to try the next new thing.

“Whatever,” she said, rolling her eyes.  “What do we need to go fishing?”

“A fishing pole and bait.”

“Where do we get that?”

“I have a fishing pole and gear in my trunk, and the bait is in the ground.”

“What?”

“We’re going to use worms as bait, but you need to dig them up, so have fun with that.”

“Me!?!  Why should I dig them up?  Aren’t you going to help me?”

“Dig up worms?  No thank you.  I like to think of myself as the ‘brains’ of the operation.  That makes you the ‘muscle’.” 

He made a show of studying her.

“All 5’3” of you.”

“Fine.  Did you happen to bring the perfect tool for digging?”

“Yeah, it’s called a trowel and it’s in the trunk.  I’ll get it for you.”

“I can get it.”

“Do you know what a trowel looks like?”

“No.”

“Then leave it to the experts.  I’ll be right back.”

Crowley went into the shelter and Lilith took a sip from his coffee cup and made a face.

“Coffee is truly vile,” she said loudly.  “No wonder you are so bad tempered.”

“It’s for the sophisticated palate, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

Crowley approached her with a fishing pole, tackle box, net and a trowel.

“Here you go,” he said.   “This is a trowel.  You dig up worms with it.”

Lilith studied the fishing gear.

“How did you know what you needed to conjure?” she asked.  “Have you camped or fished before?”

“Not even at gunpoint, but I’ve watched humans, so I have a pretty good idea of what has to happen and what we need to make it happen.  Now, get digging.”

Lilith gave the demon a dirty look, grabbed the big basket and headed toward the garden.  Crowley followed her.

“I know what we’re doing this afternoon,” he said.  “We are making more baskets.”

“What fun.”

“Take it where you can get it.”

Crowley was sitting on the rock on the lakeshore, trying to tie a hook onto some very fine fishing line when Lilith arrived with a basket full of worms and soil.  The demon was struggling to see the transparent line and his fingers were large and clumsy.  She shoved the basket toward him and took the hook and line from him.

“Let me see that,” she said impatiently.

“It will probably be easy for you with your little elf fingers,” Crowley said, disgusted, taking the basket from her.  “According to The Book, you have to twist the line like this and tie the free end through that loop, I think.”

He held open The Book and pointed at a graphic.

“Anyway, here’s the picture.  Just do like that.”

Twenty minutes later, Crowley was wading into some bushes to retrieve the hook and line.

“Fuck,” he mumbled.  “We lost the worm.  I think we need to impale the little sucker onto the hook. I don’t think we did it right before.”

“We did it like in The Book.”

“I know, but I guess we’re going to have to hone our craft,” the demon said, pulling twigs out of his hair as he came out from the thickest part of the bushes.  “It’s a good thing we have a lot of hooks.”

“You didn’t lose that one, did you?”

Lilith was frustrated.  She wasn’t that much better at tying on the hook than Crowley was, and she wanted to actually get some bait in the water.

“Anyway,” she continued, studying the diagram, “you push the button after you cast, not at the precise moment your hook is over a bunch of prickly bushes.”

“Ya think?” the demon said sarcastically.  “Do you want to try?”

“Fuck yeah, I want to try.  I’ve been asking this whole time, haven’t I?”

“Watch your mouth!” Crowley said.  “Shame on you with that language.”

“You say it all the time.”

“I’m a demon.  It’s allowed.  You, on the other hand, are God’s first woman.  A little decorum if you don’t mind.”

“Just give me the pole.”

Not surprisingly, Lilith was better at casting than Crowley and had the worm in the water after only a couple of casts.  She grinned triumphantly up at him.

“Quit gloating.  It’s not like you did it the first time.”

“At least, I never got it in the prickly bushes.”

“Just keep your eye on the line.  The Book says that you need to yank up on the tip of the rod when you feel movement on the line.  That’s how you ‘set the hook’.”

“Got it.”

Lilith missed the first two bites, but managed to set the hook on the third try. 

“Ok, reel it in,” Crowley encouraged, watching excitedly as the pole tip bent almost double.  “It looks like it’s a big one.  How does it feel? Do you need help?”

“I’ve got this.  It’s only a fish.  Do you have the net?”

“Right!  The net.” 

Crowley picked it up and held it at the ready.

“Got it.”

“Give it a little line.  I think you’re meant to tire out the fish before you haul him close enough that I can get him with the net.  You don’t want the line to break.”

Lilith concentrated on her fish, but looked puzzled.

“Why would the line break?” she asked, as she let the line out a bit.

“I don’t know.  To give the fish a sporting chance?”

“What kind of rubbish is that?”

“Pay attention!”

“I am!  He’s getting closer. Can you reach him with the net?”

“Just a second.”

Five minutes later, Lilith was admiring her fish as it flopped in the net, while Crowley grumbled because he was soaked up to his knees.

“Fuck,” he said dismally.  “It’ll take hours for this stuff to dry out.  It’s not like I have an extra pair of shoes.”

“Why didn’t you miracle extra shoes?”

“I normally get dressed using miracles.  It didn’t occur to me.”

“How sad for you.”

“Shut up.  You’re supposed to put that heavier line through his mouth and gills so that we can put him in the water while we try to catch other fish.  I guess he’s not supposed to die until we kill him.  In the meantime, I’m going to give it a whirl.”

The demon picked around in the basket full of nightcrawlers a bit too delicately.

“Just pull one out, rip off a piece and thread the hook through it, just like I did,” Lilith said as she plopped her fish back into the lake.  “Stop being so precious.”

“Did I mention ‘shut up’?”

In the end, they hooked five fish and brought home three.  They both lost one fish, and Crowley caught the other two.

“I am the King of the Lake!” the demon declared as they walked back to camp with all their gear and the fish.

“That’s only because you hogged the pole. I would have gotten another one if you hadn’t been so selfish.”

“Excuse me?  Demon.  Remember?  Selfish is what I am.”

Lilith was studying The Book as she walked.

“It says here that the winner has to clean the fish,” she said.

“What?  Where does it say that?”

“How would I know?  I can’t read, remember?”

“Ngk.”

“You clean your fish.  I’ll clean mine.  Big baby!”

“Be careful,” Crowley scolded.  “You’re getting ick all over the page.”

“I’m just trying to see what I’m supposed to be doing here.  This is disgusting.”

“The Book says you can use this for bait, but I’m not going to keep it around.  We’ll get new guts next time.”

“Agreed.”

Crowley sat on the log by the fire in only his shorts, sipping whiskey and perusing The Book while Lilith finished eating.  His wet clothes were draped over the large stone to dry.  He was right.  It was taking forever.

“What have we learned here, today?” he asked.

“We learned we like to catch fish and eat fish, but we do not like to clean fish.”

“So, it’s worth it?”

“Yeah!  This was great.  Cooking and meat are amazing.”

“Tomorrow, maybe we can dig for clams.”

“Ok.  I’ll do whatever you want.”

Crowley looked curiously at Lilith.  There was something in her tone that got his attention, but she was concentrating on picking the meat off her fish.  He shrugged and went back to The Book.

“I think we can use the trowel to dig up the clams,” he said.

“Ok.”

When they finished cleaning up from dinner, Crowley poured himself more whiskey and topped off Lilith’s wine glass.

“Thank you,” she said, “but what’re we going to do when we finish the wine you brought?”

“First, I brought a lot.  Second, we have grapes, and wine is just grape juice on steroids, but you can make wine from just about anything.  It’s all here in The Book.”

“I love that book.”

“Me too.”

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Lilith drained her glass and stood up.

“I’m tired,” she said.  “I’m going to bed.”

“I might join you.  Fishing is more taxing than I imagined.”

“Well, you certainly gave it your all,” Lilith teased, pointing at his wet clothes as she walked up to the shelter.

Crowley finished his whiskey and joined her.  Since he was already in his shorts, he simply brushed the sand and dirt off his feet and climbed into bed.  Lilith stripped off her dress and did the same.  She grimaced.

“That’s hardly ideal,” she said.  “Our bedding is getting dirty.”

“It would anyway, but this isn’t great.  We need a shower or a tub.”

“What’s that?”

“I don’t know how to make a shower, but we might be able to fashion a tub.”

Lilith turned toward the demon and gave him a sharp look.

“Oh, right.  A tub is what it sounds like.  It’s a receptacle you fill with water, only it’s big enough for a person.  It would be a substitute for the lake, only better.  It’s not like the lake water is that clean.”

“That sounds like a task for another time, but we can certainly keep a tub of water near the bed to rinse our feet before we climb in.”

“You’re probably right about that.  Do your baskets hold water?”

“They can, but not for long.”

“Maybe I’ll hollow out a log.  That might work.”

Lilith yawned, shifting a little closer to the middle of the bed than she had since the first night.  He was still hugging the edge of the bed on his side.

“Mull it,” she said.  “I’m going to go to sleep.”

“Ok.”

The demon lay on his back, his hands behind his head, imagining what it would take to hollow out a log to make a basin for the shelter.  He was sure he’d seen something in The Book, but he wasn’t sure if he had the proper tools.  He actually didn’t know what all he had conjured.  He’d cast a very general “give me everything I could ever need, including instructions” type miracle.  He should take inventory.

Crowley was tired, and normally would have been asleep by now, but he couldn’t stop thinking.  He marveled at what they had done and what he planned to do which was surprising because he’d done his best to sleep through most of humanity’s developmental periods.  

He was a hedonist and preferred it when other people did the dirty work, but that reminded him of Aziraphale, the ultimate comfort seeker, and thinking of the angel was still painful.  He had no idea how long it had been since Aziraphale returned to Heaven.  It had been over a year when the demon set out in search of Lilith, and he knew that time in this place moved slower than it did on Earth.  For all he knew, 20 years had passed while he was here learning to fish.  He assumed the Second Coming hadn’t occurred because his understanding was that it would destroy all of God’s creations, including this place.  

“Oh well,” he whispered.  “You’ll know when it happens.  Might as well get some sleep.”

He was just about to turn over onto his side when he noticed that Lilith had grown restless, as if she were having another bad dream.  She was on her side, facing away from him, so he couldn’t see her face.  He inched closer, laid his hand lightly on her shoulder, and she settled.  He turned away from her so his back was almost touching hers.  He relaxed into the warmth of her body and quickly fell asleep. 

Something woke him in the middle of the night, and he noticed that Lilith had rolled over and edged closer until her body was pressed up against his back, her right arm was thrown over his waist and he could feel her breathing on the back of his neck.  He used his right arm to pull up the blanket to cover them both, then slept.  He woke the next morning in an empty bed, but the spot next to him was still warm, so he rolled over onto it, buried his head under the pillow and breathed in her fragrance as he drifted off.

He came out of the shelter later, poured a cup of coffee from the pot on the grate and watched her as she wove another basket.

“I’m trying to see if I can make this waterproof,” she said, “or at least waterproof enough to carry water for the short term.”

“Have you practiced your reading?”

Crowley winced a bit because Lilith was an adult, but he’d been through this with Warlock, so he did what worked with the boy who didn’t like to do his homework.

“Yes, but I’m bored with the Dr. Seuss books.  Don’t you have anything else?”

“Sure, but I don’t know if you are ready for them.”

“Come on!”

“Fine.  I’ll bring one out and if it’s too much for you, I’ll help you with it, ok?”

“Ok.”

Crowley came out of the shelter holding up one of Warlock’s early favorites:  The Frog and Toad Treasury.

“Why don’t you come in here on the bed, where we will be more comfortable if I have to help you.  That log is too hard on my bum.”

“I can imagine,” Lilith teased.  “No meat.”

“Watch it.  No sass from you.”

Lilith giggled and helped Crowley make the bed before they crawled on top of the blankets and leaned against the headboard.  The demon handed her the book, and listened to her read for a moment, then grabbed The Book from the dresser near the bed, but he hadn’t gotten far in his book before she had a question.

“That word is ‘cookies’,” he explained.

“What is a cookie?” Lilith asked as she studied the illustration.  “Is it that little round thing that looks like a rock?”

“Yeah, they do kind of look like rocks, but you eat them.  They’re sweet, like fruit is sweet.”

“Oh.”

Lilith stared silently at the page for several seconds.

“What’s wrong?” Crowley asked.  “Are you having trouble with another word?”

“No.”

“What is it, then?”

“I’ve missed out on all of this, haven’t I?”

“What do you mean?”

“Humanity.  I’ve missed out on being human with other humans.  Suddenly, it makes me very sad and lonely.”

“Yeah, I understand, but you can be surrounded by humans and still be sad and lonely.”

“Really?”

“Trust me.”

“I have a headache.  Will you read this to me?”

“Are you sure?  It’s just a kid’s book.”

“Yes.”

“Ok.”

Crowley started reading the Chapter titled Cookies.  At first, he read it an academic way, but it didn’t take long before he started doing the voices the way Warlock had begged him to.  He didn’t notice when Lilith wormed her way under his arm so she could use her finger to follow along with the words as the demon read them.  When he finished, she was laughing.  She also thought the voices were hilarious, although she swore to never speak of it.

“HEY BIRDS,” she shouted.  “HERE ARE COOKIES!”

“That was Warlock’s favorite part too,” Crowley said, also laughing.  “He used to jump out at me from different hiding places to shout that at me.  He thought it was so funny, but it was hard on my nerves.”

Lilith turned serious.

“You don’t like to be surprised,” she said quietly.

“No, I don’t,” he agreed.

“What is ‘cake’?”

---

It didn’t take long for them to develop routines.  Lilith went to bed early, woke up early, and spent her mornings practicing reading and writing.  With Crowley's help, she made notes at the end of each day about what they had done, how it had gone and what they might do differently.  After Lilith was in bed, Crowley read The Book and made plans for their next projects.  He was glad for The Book, but he missed miracles.  

He was afraid that they would be found out if he used miracles, and he did not want that.  He’d spent over 6,000 years developing his relationship with Aziraphale, and he desperately missed the angel.  He might have been with Lilith for only a few weeks, but he was convinced that years had passed on Earth.  Aziraphale would probably not come looking for him after all this time, but he wasn’t ready to take the chance. 

One morning, he was awakened early by a crash of thunder and the sound of rain hammering on the roof of the shelter.  Lilith rushed in, shielding her books and notepad from the rain.  This was the first time it had rained this hard since the demon arrived.

“What’s wrong?” Crowley asked anxiously, eyes wide yellow.  “What’s happening?”

“It’s just the rain,” Lilith said casually, brushing the water off her shoulders and drying her hair and body with her dress which she hung to dry before putting on another.  As he always did, the demon averted his eyes while she dressed.

“It’s never rained this hard before.  Is this unusual?”

“No.  I think it goes in spurts.  Some days are just rainier than others.”

“You mean there is a rainy season here?”

“I don’t know.  It rains often enough, and it has rained like this before, but that was a while ago.  I can’t remember how often, though.”

Crowley watched Lilith carefully and realized that she had no sense of the passage of time. She didn’t know how long she had been there, and had likely never thought to keep track. Time and numbers were abstract concepts, which she had not yet discovered.  He wondered how difficult it must have been for her to be alone with no idea of what other humans might be doing, learning or saying. 

“Ok,” he said, finally.  “I have a plan.  How long have you been keeping a diary?”

“What?”

“Those notes you make every night.  How many days have you been doing that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Let’s find out.”

He took the notepad from her and made a check for every new entry.  There were 21.

“Ok.  Let’s make some rules.  We will assume that from one sunrise to the next sunrise is one ‘day’.  Seven days is one ‘week’.  Four weeks is one ‘month’ and twelve months is one ‘year’.”

“Why do I need to know that?”

“You don’t really need to know it, but it’s helpful information to have.  For example, you remember it raining like this, but you don’t remember when it happened or for how long.  If we make notes and divide time into manageable increments, we can know if we should expect heavy rains and be prepared for them.”

“Like what?”

Crowley watched water drip from the roof to the mats covering the dirt floor of the shelter.

“Like fixing the holes in the roof before the deluge begins,” he said dryly.  “Do these storms last all day?”

“I'm not sure.”

“Let’s hope the rain ends before there’s any damage.  Luckily, the bed seems to be dry at the moment, but let’s cover it with mats, just in case.  If it gets wet, that mattress will never dry in this weather.”

Crowley paced all morning, making plans and watching the rain.  As soon as it stopped, he and Lilith left the shelter with the big basket to collect banana leaves to reinforce the roof.  He climbed on the roof and carefully patched the holes with the leaves she handed up to him, starting with the area over the bed.  Luckily, when he’d expanded the shelter, he had made it much more robust than it was originally and had added a peak, so the rain flowed to either side and didn’t pool in the middle.  He was no builder, but he’d observed many primitive homes, and had created what he remembered.

When he was done reinforcing the roofing material, he walked into the wood with an axe and chopped down several young, straight trees, which he and Lilith dragged back to the campfire.  Lilith used the hatchet to trim the branches while Crowley dug deep, regularly spaced holes in front of the shelter with a spade.  He cut the trees to length and used all of his demon strength to shove them solidly into the holes.  Lilith cut vines and handed them and the smaller tree limbs up to the demon who lashed them onto the framing of the new structure.  When that was done, he affixed the banana leaves Lilith brought him, creating a roof that hung over a “verandah” that was roughly 6 x 8 feet. 

At his request, Lilith dug a large hole which Crowley surrounded with a ring of rocks he’d brought back from the shoreline, and two flat rocks large enough to sit on.  He used the firewood he stored in the back of the shelter to start a fire in the new pit under the roof of the verandah while Lilith wove larger mats to act as screens to keep rain from coming in from either side when the wind was blowing.  Finally, they rolled a very large section of tree trunk back to the shelter and set it outside the verandah and he used a hammer and chisel and his demonic strength to create a large, wooden basin to catch rainwater.

They were dirty and exhausted when they finally finished, and the sun was going down. They bathed and washed their clothes the best they could in the stream right before it flowed into the ocean and hung everything up in the shelter to dry.  Lilith put on a dry dress and Crowley wore his shorts, relieved that their clothing appeared to be miraculously indestructible, and that he’d thought to conjure an extra pair of shorts and a couple of extra shirts.

The demon reheated some coffee and Lilith ate the leftovers from lunch, and they sat on the rocks near the firepit and listened to the ocean.

“That was a lot of work,” Lilith said, and she made notes in her pad.  “I don’t know how to write most of the words for what we did today.”

“I’ll help you later,” Crowley said as he sipped some whiskey.  “Just sound out the words like I showed you.  Would you like some more wine?”

“Yes, thank you.  How long do you suppose it will take our grapes to become wine?”

“I’m not sure.  I’ll have to check The Book.  You wrote down when we started, yeah?”

“Yes.”

“We have plenty of wine, but I’ll look into it tomorrow.  I’m too tired and I can’t read in this light.  It’s too dim.”

“At least the fire gives us light in the shelter after the sun goes down.”

Crowley rubbed his temples.  He was tired and had a headache.

“Yeah,” he said.  “That’s handy.”

“I think I’ll go to bed,” Lilith said.  “Good night.”

“Good night.”  

“Aren’t you tired?  Don’t you want to come to bed?”

“I will.  In a bit.”

“Well, maybe I’ll stay up a little longer too, if that’s ok with you.”

The demon looked surprised.

“That’s fine with me.”

“Can I have a sip of your whiskey?”

“Sure,” Crowley said, handing her his glass, “but you never wanted whiskey before.  What gives?”

“I am feeling particularly robust today after all of that hard labor. I think I deserve a strong beverage.”

She took a small sip, and wrinkled her nose.

“It burns.”

The demon chuckled. 

“You should probably stick with wine.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“It’s an acquired taste.”

“So, you say.”

Crowley topped off the glass and he and Lilith traded it back and forth until it was gone.

“That’s all for you,” the demon said, standing up.  “It’s time for you to go to bed.”

Lilith lifted her arms to him like a toddler.

“Carry me,” she said, slurring slightly, her eyelids drooping.  “I feel funny.”

Crowley bent down and easily lifted her into his arms.  She had a commanding presence but was actually quite tiny, even smaller than Muriel.  Lilith leaned heavily against his shoulder, and he felt her cheek on his bare skin.  He carried her to her side of the bed, pulled back the covers with one hand, then placed her on the mattress.  He was about to cover her up when she pulled her dress over her head and impatiently tossed it to the bottom of the bed.  He blinked.  Sometimes he forgot that she slept in the nude because she was in and out of bed before he was, so he rarely saw her. 

He watched, mesmerized, as she stretched luxuriously, then snuggled into her pillow, eyes closed, one arm over her head and the other across her belly.  After a moment, he covered her with the blanket and walked back to the fire, where he remained until late into the night, listening to her steady breathing.

Finally, he stood up and walked into the shelter where he carefully climbed into bed, trying not to wake her.  He lay on his back, staring into the dark, contemplating what he was feeling and what he should do about it.

Angels and demons are genderless.  He’d fallen in love with Aziraphale, the angel.  The fact that the angel presented as male was irrelevant to their relationship.  He loved Aziraphale no matter his corporation.   

Lilith was a woman, maybe not completely human, but she was completely female.  He’d been on Earth long enough to appreciate human standards of beauty, and she was very pretty, but she was more than that.  Lilith was an exceptional soul, clever, good and open, who accepted him when he was a serpent in the Garden of Eden, and welcomed him as a friend when he arrived here.  The more he knew her, the more he was attracted to her, and he found himself responding to her as a man would respond to a woman, but he had no idea what to do with this development.

He heard her shift in the bed, and he glanced over at her.  She was on her side, facing him, but he couldn’t make out her face. 

“Crowley?” she whispered.

“Did I wake you?”

“Yes and no.  You didn’t really wake me.  I sleep better when you come to bed, so I notice when you do.”

“Oh.  Why do you suppose that is?”

“I know why.  Sometimes, I’m afraid, and I feel safer when you’re here.”

“What are you afraid of?  Is it that dream?”

“Yes.”

“What is the dream?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Are you sure?”

Lilith must have nodded because she didn’t answer.

“Can I come closer?” she asked.  “I sleep better when I can feel you.”

“Sure.  This is a big bed, how about we meet in the middle?”

Lilith giggled.

“Ok.”

A second later, Crowley felt the warmth radiating off of her bare skin as they moved closer together.  She placed a hand on his shoulder.  It was hot.

“Thank you,” she said.

They lay silent for long enough that Crowley assumed Lilith had fallen back to sleep, but she stirred again.

“You never touch me.”

“What?”

“You only touch me when I ask you to.  Why don’t you touch me?”

“I don’t know.  I’m not used to it, I suppose.  It’s not something demons do.”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“What?  Why would you say that?  I know I’m a demon, but I don’t have any reason to lie to you about that.”

Lilith was quiet for a long time, and Crowley became more confused and concerned.  She said she didn’t want to talk about her dream, but she kept opening the conversation, and he didn’t know what to do with that. 

“What are you talking about, Lilith?”

“You aren’t the first person to visit me here.”

It always took the demon a moment to adjust to the woman’s sporadic conversation.  She was all over the board, and Crowley felt a moment of panic.  Maybe this garden wasn’t as safe a haven as he’d come to believe.

“Oh?”

“There was another one who came a few times.  He wasn’t a man, but he looked like a man, like Adam, only bigger and more beautiful, but he was cold, and he was cruel.”

“Oh?”

He heard her sniffle.  

“But I was so lonely, I was glad when he came.”

“Oh.”

“After all, he didn’t really do anything that Adam hadn’t done, but it hurt.”

“What?”

“Adam always wanted to ‘join’.  He really liked it, but I didn’t.  He didn’t care about what I wanted and got angry.  Sometimes, it hurt, but I don’t think that was intentional.  He just got impatient with me.  That’s why I was always hiding in the Garden.  I wanted to get away from him.”

Crowley choked back a growl.  It was good that he didn’t know about this, although he would have had no concept of what Adam was actually doing, but he would have stopped him from harassing Lilith.  This might explain why God was so willing to let Lilith leave the Garden.  The Almighty made Eve more submissive, but it would have been better if She had made Adam less of an asshole.

“When you first got here, I told you I hadn’t been here that long, that I had just begun to get bored, and that wasn’t actually a lie,” she continued quietly.  “I wasn’t really bored, but I had been alone for what felt like a long time, and lonely even longer.”

She snuggled closer and he could feel her bare skin on his arm.  He stayed very still.  

“When I heard you coming, I was so happy to no longer be alone, but I was relieved it was you.”

“Who else has been here with you?  Who was the other man?”

Crowley asked the question very carefully and kept his voice even and calm, but he was afraid of the answer.

“He never told me his name, but he was very tall.  Taller than you, I think.  He had long, blonde hair and silver eyes.  He was beautiful, but brutal.  He also wanted to join, but even more often than Adam, and when he hurt me, it was intentional. My pain gave him pleasure.  It was terrible when he visited, but I cried when he left.  I hated to be alone more than I hated to be with him.”

She was quiet and gripped Crowley’s arm.  He could guess who she was talking about.  

“He’s gone,” the demon said gently.  “He won’t be back.  The Almighty sent him away.”

“Oh,” she sniffled.  “That’s good.”

“It is.”

“And you’re here, so I don’t have to be alone.”

“Right.”

“But you don’t want me.”

“What?”

“You don’t touch me.”

“You want me to touch you like Adam and the other man?”

Crowley would have sat up in alarm, except she was still clinging to his arm.

“They wanted me.”

“Maybe they did, but not in the right way.  They shouldn’t have made you do anything you didn’t want to do.  It was wrong what they did to you.”

“Isn’t that what men do?  Isn’t that how it’s meant to be?”

“No.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Lilith said mournfully.

“You aren’t supposed to do anything.”

“But what if I want to.”

“Want to . . . what?”

“I don’t know!”

Crowley ran his hand through his hair in frustration.  He was afraid he would start smoking.

“I want to touch you,” Lilith said after a bit.  “I want you to touch me.  I wish you wouldn’t hurt me, but I need touch, so I would let you.”

The demon’s heart twisted in his chest.  He thought about what he’d suffered, and what Muriel had been through, and now Lilith.  How could anyone call God merciful and good?

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Oh.”

Lilith’s voice was so small and sad, Crowley realized she’d misunderstood what he was saying.  He snaked his arm under her waist and pulled her close, so her head was on his shoulder, her hand lay on his chest and her leg draped across his hips.  He wrapped his other arm around her and tucked the blankets tight against her back.  

“You can touch me.  I won’t hurt you.”

“Thank you.”

Crowley didn’t answer because he had no idea what he should say.

A few minutes later, Lilith's hand moved on his bare chest.  At first, she stroked him with one finger, and his skin burned where she touched him, then she flattened her palm to maximize the sensation of skin on skin, and her hand moved slowly from his clavicle to his belly.  He suspected that her motives were innocent, and this was the first time she’d gotten to explore another body, but she was having an effect on him, one that she might not have expected.  He willed himself to remain still. 

“Your skin is soft,” she whispered, sleepily.  “It’s smooth.  At first, you felt cool, but now you are so warm.  I like it.”

Crowley didn’t respond.  He was half hoping she’d go to sleep and half hoping she wouldn’t.

Lilith snuggled closer so she could stroke his left shoulder and arm.  She had to reach across him to take his hand and place it on his stomach.  She ran her fingertips along the back of his fingers and wrist.

“I think you have pretty hands,” she said in a breathy voice.  “I think you are pretty.  Is it ok if men are pretty?”

The demon could only manage a shrug.

Her hand slowly inched down toward the band of his shorts.  Very gently, he took it in his and held it. 

“Do you know what you’re doing?” he asked in a low voice.  “Think about it carefully, and tell me what you want.”

“I want what you want.”

Crowley's breath hitched.  He was not a teenage boy with no self-control, and he did not intend to start something that he couldn’t finish.  He needed Lilith to be very clear about what she wanted.

“That isn’t an answer.”

“I didn’t like to join,” she said. “It hurt.”

“Ok.”

“Does it have to hurt?”

“It shouldn’t hurt.  You should enjoy it as much as a man does.”

Lilith wiggled her hand out of Crowley's and ran her fingers lightly down his jawline and over his lips.

“You said demons don’t touch.  Do they join?”

“They can, although it’s not common.”

He was having a difficult time holding on to the thread of her conversation.  She was very distracting.

“Have you?”

“Have I what?”

Crowley's mind scrambled with the implications of her question.

“Have you joined?”

“I have.”

“With other demons?”

“No.”

“Angels?”

He closed his eyes as a sharp pain seared through his chest.

“No,” he breathed.

“Then with whom?”

He could sense her frustration, but he was taking it slowly, hoping his rational mind would catch up.

“With humans.”

She froze, and caught her breath.  She seemed angry.

“You have joined with humans?  Human women?”

“Yes.”

“But you don’t want to join with me?”

“What?  I didn’t say that.”

“But you haven’t.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

She shifted up onto her elbow and looked down at him.  She was clearly hurt, but trying to understand.  He thought about his answer carefully.

“Demons don’t join like humans.  It’s not typical for a demon to be with a human.”

“But you’ve done it.”

“I have, but I did it because it was required of me.  It was my job.”

“You didn’t like it?”

“It didn’t matter how I felt about it.”

Lilith let out a frustrated breath.  She was clearly losing her patience and Crowley wondered how long he could drag this on before she lost interest.  He had grave misgivings.

“Is that why you don’t want to join with me?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“So, you do?”

“Yes.”

She looked elated, but still confused.

“Then why don’t you?  Why are you making this so difficult?”

“Because I didn’t know whether you wanted to, and I am no human man.  I can wait.”

His gut twisted painfully.  He could wait thousands of years, apparently.

“Look,” he said carefully.  “You need to understand that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do to just to make me happy or to make me stay.  I won’t do it like that.”

He paused, then continued.

“I will admit that it has occurred to me, even though it is uncommon.  You are beautiful by human standards which I have come to appreciate.  I find you extremely compelling.”

Lilith smiled and stroked his cheek.  He caught her eyes and regarded her very seriously, his eyes, glowing fully yellow in the light from the dying fire, watched her intently.     

“But if you want to,” he whispered, “I would make it so good for you.”  

---

When Crowley woke the next morning, he was not alone.  Lilith's head was on his shoulder and her body was draped across his.  She was tenderly stroking his chest.  She nuzzled his shoulder and sprinkled his bare skin with little kisses.  He smiled and stroked her hair curiously.  This experience was as novel for him as it was for her.

She reached up and trailed her finger along his jaw and over his lips.

“I liked that,” she whispered.  “I think I liked kissing the most.”

“Really?  Kissing?”

“Well,” she shivered pleasantly.  “There was that one part that was especially good, but I really enjoyed the kissing.”

“I did too.  I’ve only done it once, but this was much better.”

“Really?  You didn’t kiss humans when you joined with them?”

“No.  Kissing is personal.”

“You don’t consider that other stuff to be personal?”

“It can be, but it doesn’t have to be.  Adam joined with you, but it wasn’t about you, was it?

“No.”

She shifted so that she lay on him and could kiss his cheek and eyelids.  Her lips brushed his neck and she breathed lightly into his ear.  He caught his breath.

“I see what you mean,” she said as she placed tender kisses down his jaw and toward his mouth.  “This is different.  I like personal.”

“Yeah.”

She shifted her lips back to his ear, then kissed and nibbled along his neck toward his shoulder.  Crowley caressed Lilith's back with his right hand and stroked her hair with his left. His breath was becoming slightly uneven.  Her lips moved from his shoulder, across his clavicle and down the center of his chest.  She adjusted her position on his torso accordingly, until she straddled his hips and wiggled suggestively.  She gave him a saucy look.

He stroked the smooth skin of her waist, her hips and her thighs.  Once again, he regarded her seriously, his eyes bright yellow, waiting.  She was warm and very inviting.

“I was going to ask you how you felt,” she teased, “but I don’t have to ask.  You feel … good.”

He hummed low in his throat.

“You feel very good,” he said.  “Warm.”

“True, but you could make me feel even better.”

He quirked a brow questioningly.

“Would you like that?”

“I would love that.”

A split second later, Crowley spun her around, so she was on her back and his weight was supported on his elbows on either side of her petite form.  He lowered himself on her body, then looked up at her, his expression a mix of mischief and desire.  She smiled when he kissed her flat belly and giggled when he stuck his tongue in her naval.  A moment later, she caught her breath and closed her eyes.  She placed her hands gently on his head and ran her fingers through his thick red hair.

“Oh!”

He grinned up at her.

“Is this ok?  Do you like it?”

“Oh, yes.  I like this.”

“Good, because I love it.”

Neither had much to say for several minutes, but when Lilith's breath became ragged, the demon shifted himself back up to place his weight on one elbow, while he held her hips steady with his other hand.  He caught her eyes and watched her face intently as he slowly entered her.  He smiled when she closed her eyes to concentrate on the sensations, and again when her mouth opened, and her breath quickened. 

He adjusted the angle and intensity according to her expression, and was gratified when she wrapped her feet behind his knees and grabbed his arms as leverage to set her own pace.  He was a temptation demon, and should have watched her face through her climax, but there were several times when his own eyes closed as he savored the experience, but he opened them when he heard her gasp.  

“Oh!” she breathed softly, then arched her back and neck and dug her heels into the mattress, her lips parted slightly as her breath came in staccato gasps.  She was so enticing, his orgasm followed right behind, and they held each other until their breathing returned to normal.

After they’d shifted and Lilith was once again on Crowley's shoulder, she giggled into his bare skin.

“I still like kissing best, but that thing you just did?  Oh, my!”

He chuckled, tucked the blanket over her bare shoulders and stroked her hair.

“Yeah.  I liked it too.”

“That’s lucky then.”

“I guess so.”

---

And so, their time together passed.  The demon still missed the angel and was often sad, but he felt real affection for Lilith and was generally satisfied.  He worried, though, as he lay awake at night holding her in his arms and listening to her breathe.  He still didn’t know how time passed here or what was happening on Earth.  If Heaven ended life there, he was sure it would end life everywhere.  He knew that Lilith was essentially immortal in this garden as long as it existed, but he feared she would not live long if she ever left.  He would have to leave without her if Aziraphale needed him to thwart the Second Coming, and it broke his heart to think of it.  He honestly didn’t know what he would do if they were successful, and the angel asked him to stay.  

---

“Are you telling me that you could create anything you want, but you use The Book to build the stuff yourself?” Lilith asked skeptically one afternoon. 

“Yup.”

“Why?”

“A couple of reasons, I guess.  First, I don’t know if miracles are going to attract attention to this place.  Second, we have plenty of time on our hands.  The projects keep us busy, yeah?”

Lilith looked out at the ocean as she rocked in the swing they had just finished building. It was a relatively simple affair, with a seat large enough for both of them suspended from a simple A frame.  The seat was constructed of wood covered with woven mats.  The demon lay on his back with his head in Lilith's lap. She absently stroked his hair while he hummed inaudibly.

“True,” she said, “but you have described some really incredible things that I will never experience and that makes me sad.”

Crowley frowned.

“What do you want to experience?” he asked.

“Cookies.”

“What?”

“Do you remember when you were first teaching me read, that book with Frog and Toad and cookies?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you said that cookies were like cake, only smaller, but that wasn’t helpful at all, was it?”

“I don’t remember it like that, but no, it wasn’t helpful.”

“I want cookies and cake and all of that stuff, but you say we need an oven for that.”

“And processed sugar and flour and …and…a cookbook!  I have no idea what goes into cakes and cookies.”

“See what I mean?’

“You want me to miracle you cookies?”

“I want to have all of the stuff we need to make cookies and other things you’ve described.”

Crowley considered this.  She had asked him for information about Earth almost from the beginning.  At first, he gave her sketchy answers because all of his memories of modern Earth involved the angel and he didn’t want to think about him, but as time passed, he was able to give more details.  Lilith was especially interested in the sweets that Aziraphale enjoyed so much.  It was painful for Crowley, but she also knew the angel, so, as his and Lilith's relationship evolved, they were able to talk about Aziraphale occasionally as if he were merely an old friend.  It was still painful for the demon, but it was tolerable.

“I guess we can look at The Book,” he said.  “That might tell us everything we need, so that if I did a miracle, it could be one big one instead of a bunch of small ones.  I’m not sure what would be more noticeable if I’m honest.  Smaller miracles might stay under the radar, but there would be so many of them.  Sooner or later, someone is bound to notice.”

“Didn’t you say you came through Hell to get here?  Hell knows where you are, and it doesn’t sound like they have any interest in you anymore.  Who are you afraid of finding us?  Angels?”

“Maybe.  Nobody knew what happened to you after you left the Garden.  What if the angels got wind of this and decided you need smiting?  I don’t know if I could protect you if they came in force.”

“Do you really think they’d go to that much trouble?  Don’t they have more important things to do than to worry about whether I received adequate punishment?”

“Angels never made sense to me.  None of it did.  When I first got here, I was used to running.  I tried hard to keep my head down.  Maybe that’s all this is.  Maybe it’s just eons of conditioning.”

Lilith looked down at the demon in her lap, stroked his cheek and gave him her best pleading look.

“Please, please, please will you make it so that I can bake cookies and cake?”

Crowley closed his eyes.  If he knew anything about himself, it was that he was a soft touch.  Aziraphale shamelessly took advantage.  Muriel wasn’t as bad, but she had an excellent batting average when it came to getting her way.  Lilith didn’t understand manipulation, but she’d wrapped the demon around her finger pretty quickly.

“Fine!” he relented.  “I guess there’s no harm, and if there is, we can cross that bridge when we come to it.”

Lilith squealed and clapped her hands.

“Oh, thank you!  I’m so excited.  When can we get started?”

The demon sighed.  He’d really hoped to get a nap on Lilith's lap after all their hard work building the swing.

“I don’t think you’ve stroked my head enough,” he pouted.  “Did I mention I had a headache?”

“You did, but I’m pretty sure you were lying about that so that I would play with your hair.”

“I’m scandalized you would say such a thing!”

She was right, of course, but this was a game they played.

“Pretty please?” she begged.

“Fuck,” he growled, reluctantly sitting up.  “You aren’t going to get off my back until you get your way, are you?”

“Nope,” she giggled, stroking his lips suggestively.  “But if you play your cards right, I could make it worth your while.”

“Tease.”

“Never!”

“Deal,” he said, giving her his best tempting look, gratified that it had the desired effect.  Two could play at that game.

“I’ll get The Book,” she said and sprinted across the sand to the shelter.

Crowley stretched and watched the waves lap on the shore.  He had spent nearly his entire existence hiding from something or someone.  Maybe it was time for him to relax a bit.  He shrugged.  It didn’t matter.  There was so much he wanted to show Lilith.  It was worth the risk.

A moment later, Lilith jumped onto the swing and handed Crowley The Book, which he opened.  He made a show of carefully consulting the index, until she shoved him with her shoulder.

“Stop it!”

He chuckled.

“Ok,” he said.  “According to this, we’ll need stuff like flour, sugar, eggs, butter, vegetable oil, vanilla, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cocoa, chocolate chips, nuts….

“All of that for cookies?” she interrupted, dismayed.

“There are many kinds of cookies and cakes.  This is for all of them.”

“Oh.”

“We’ll need peanut butter, honey, maple syrup, various spices…”

“Can you do all of that?”

“Yup.  Come on.  Let’s get started.”

“But how will you do all of that?”

“Watch me.  Actually, don’t watch me.  This might as well be a surprise,” he said, gently taking Lilith's shoulders in both hands and rotating her toward the ocean.  “Stay there.”

“Ok.”

“No peeking.”

“Fine.”

Crowley shook his head for a moment.  When did he get to be so sappy?  He shrugged and looked up at the shelter and gathered his powers because this was going to be a single, epic miracle.  He swept his arms dramatically into the air, much like he had done when he stopped time in Tadfield and looked with satisfaction on his creation.

A quaint cottage stood where the shelter had been.  It was surrounded by gardens, a fountain and comfortable outdoor furniture. It looked like something out of the fairytales that he used to read to Warlock.  He took Lilith by the shoulders.

“Keep your eyes shut,” he warned as he turned her to face the cottage. 

“You can open your eyes now.”

Lilith froze, silent, and the demon became worried.  He put his finger on her chin and turned her face so he could see it.  Her eyes were wide.

“Are you ok?” Crowley asked.

Suddenly, Lilith leapt up and wrapped her arms around his neck in such a tight grip it nearly pulled him over.  He grabbed her reflexively and held her close as she shook with excitement.

“It’s so wonderful!” she gasped.  “I love it so much!  Oh my gosh!  I can’t believe you would do this for me!  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!”

She loosened her hold and he set her back on the ground.  She grabbed his hand and tugged at him.

“Come on!  I want to see it!”

He allowed her to pull him up to the cottage and through the front door.  She looked with wonder at the tidy space within.  On the right was a kitchen big enough for a dining table covered with an elegant white tablecloth.  There was a double sink beneath one window, a refrigerator, double ovens, gas cooktop and various small appliances.  

“Everything we need for any recipe is in the fridge and cabinets,” he said proudly. “That’s an element of this miracle, so I never have to conjure anything later.  It’s a bunch of little miracles contained within one big miracle.”

On the left, was a cozy living room with a fireplace, a huge flatscreen television over the mantle, a sofa and overstuffed chairs.  There were wall to ceiling shelves on both sides of the fireplace.  The shelves on the right were filled with books and DVDs.  On the left was a state of the art stereo surrounded by CDs and albums. Small tables with plants and decorative lamps were artfully placed throughout the space. 

Lilith grabbed Crowley's arm and jumped up and down excitedly.

“Come on,” he said, feigning impatience.  “Let’s look at the rest of the house.”

He led her to the side of the house opposite the front door to a hallway that created a T.  On the right, was a sunny sitting room with a rolltop desk and comfortable furniture.  In the center was a stairway, and a bathroom with a full shower and deep tub.  On the left was the master bedroom suite with their king size bed, a little sitting area with another fireplace and chairs, two closets and assorted bedroom furniture. 

Lilith gasped with delight when she saw the whirlpool tub in the master bath, large enough for two.  She gave Crowley a meaningful look.  He winked.  Next, she ran to open the closet doors and saw that they were filled with clothes and shoes and other accessories, and each bureau drawer was full of different articles of clothing, including undergarments, both sensible and not so much.  She was speechless.

“Let’s see the rest,” Crowley said, very pleased with the reception. 

He took her hand and led her up a flight of stairs to the second story.  This space was cozy and bright, but otherwise unfurnished.  There was a balcony on the front of the house overlooking the ocean with comfortable chairs, a small table and a telescope.

“This is just for you,” he said.  “You can do whatever you want with it.”

Lilith stared at him in disbelief then sunk to the floor, her hands covering her face.  The demon immediately fell to his knees, took her hands in his and tried to catch her eye.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, concerned.

“It’s just all too much.  It’s so wonderful.  I can’t believe you would do this for me.”

Crowley put his arms around her and helped her to her feet.  He was thousands of years old.  His knees weren’t what they were.

“Come on,” he said gently.  “Let’s go sit down and have a drink to celebrate.”

She nodded and allowed him to guide her down the stairs to sit on the sofa in front of a blazing fire.  Lilith stared ahead, seemingly hypnotized by the flames.  He went to the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of wine, and two glasses.  He easily popped the cork and placed the bottle and glasses on the coffee table in front of the sofa.  After he let the wine breathe, he poured two glasses and offered her one.  She took the wine and smiled weakly at him.

“I can’t believe you did this for me,” she said quietly.  “It’s amazing.  Thank you!”

He smiled at her, clinked his glass to hers and they sipped their wine.  She put her wine on the table and motioned for him to do the same, then she slipped under his arm and snuggled against him, and he pulled her closer.

“I love it.”

“It’s my pleasure,” he said sincerely.  “Did you want to check out the kitchen?  That’s where you would make cookies.”

“That was a bathtub in the bathroom?”

“Yes.”

“I want to try that first.”

He nodded, smiling slightly, stood up then picked up his wine glass.

“Let me set it up.  I’ll call you when it’s ready.  Bring the bottle.”

---

A few days later, the demon came upon Lilith weeping on the sofa as she watched a movie on the big screen tv.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“This is such a sad movie.”

Crowley looked up at the screen.

“What is it?”

“Meet Me in St. Louis.”

“Wha?”

“It’s so sad.  They are ‘in love’, but now her ‘family’ is going to move to ‘New York’, and they can’t be together, but she is consoling her ‘sister’.”

“How much do you understand about this movie?”

“Not much, but they are crying and that makes me cry.  What is ‘New York’?  Is it like Hell?”

“What do you know about Hell?”

“Only what you mentioned, but you said it was unpleasant, and everyone is so upset about New York, I thought it must be almost as bad as Hell.”

Crowley smiled slightly, sat beside Lilith and explained different concepts to her.  After that, he often joined her when she watched movies so he could provide context.  To his dismay, she cried a lot.

“What’s upsetting you now?” he asked one day.  “This is a comedy.”

“I’ve missed it.  I missed all of that,” she said, clinging to the demon.  “I’ve never had a family or children or a boyfriend or a girlfriend or ridden in a car.  I’ve never eaten ice cream or been on a ferris wheel or a roller coaster.  Nothing!  I’ve done nothing!”

Crowley did his best to comfort her and cursed himself for conjuring the television and the DVDs.  He thought she would be entertained.  It didn’t occur to him that it would be like rubbing salt into a wound she didn’t know she had. 

He wanted to promise her that he would take her to Earth and let her experience all of the things she’d missed, but he wasn’t sure it was possible.  What if she hadn’t aged because of the way time passed here?  What if time accelerated when they got to Earth, and she got old and turned to dust before his eyes?  Hadn’t he seen something like that in a movie once?

“So, when God told you that it wouldn’t be forever, did She say anything else?” he asked.  “I know She’s ineffable, but maybe She accidentally dropped a clue?”

“I’m not sure.  She brought me here and said not to worry because it wasn’t forever.  Then She disappeared, and I haven’t heard from Her since.”

“Typical.”

---

“Watch out!” Crowley said as he hurried across the kitchen to turn off the power on the standup mixer, arms raised to shield his face from flying cake batter. 

“You have to make sure the mixer is turned off before you plug it in,” he explained.

“Duh.  I know that . . . now,” Lilith said, grabbing a wet sponge from the sink.

“You have to check it every time.  Sometimes, the switch gets flipped while we’re moving this monster across the counter, but it’s not just the mess,” Crowley said seriously.  “You could have broken a finger if your hand was too close to the paddle when the mixer turned on.”

Lilith stood on her tiptoes to wipe cake batter out of the demon’s hair.

“Good thing we have a shower now,” she said before turning to consult the cookbook.

“We need to ‘prepare the cake pan’,” she read out loud.  “What does that mean?”

“Just a second.”

Crowley took another book off the shelf in the kitchen, and flipped through it.

“Coat the pan with butter or shortening, then coat the inside of the cake pan with flour.  Shake out excess flour.”

“Can you do that for me, please?”

The demon frowned for a moment, then did as instructed.  He used way too much flour and made a mess, but managed it in the end.  Lilith carefully portioned the cake batter into the pans, then slid them into the preheated oven.

“Ok,” she said, looking up from the cookbook.  “They need to bake for 30-35 minutes.”

Crowley tinkered with his very fancy watch for a second.

“Got it,” he said.  “The timer is set.  I guess now is the time to clean up this place.  It looks like the laboratory of an evil scientist.  I didn’t know we had this much stuff.”

“Shut up!” Lilith said fondly, turning on the kitchen faucet to fill the sink with soapy water. 

“You’re the one who made it so that the house contains every conceivable thing we might ever need.  I’ll wash. You dry.”

“I learned my lesson there,” Crowley said wryly getting a clean dishtowel from the drawer.

“Once we get this cleaned up, we can start on the icing.”

“There’s more to do?  I told you we should have just made more cookies.  You love cookies.”

“I know,” Lilith said as she put clean dishes in the dishrack, “but we’ve made so many different kinds of cookies.  I thought it was time to try cake, and after that, pies.

“I guess.  I don’t eat the stuff.  When Aziraphale wanted a sweet treat, I would just buy it for him.”

They were both silent for a few seconds.  Any reference to the angel made the demon’s breath hitch painfully, and Lilith knew how hard it was for Crowley to talk about Aziraphale.

“You were a good friend to him,” she said finally.  “He was lucky to have you, but I am so glad you found me.  You make me very happy.”

“Yeah,” the demon said, distractedly drying a wooden spoon and putting it away.  “I guess.”

 Lilith removed her rubber gloves and put her arms around Crowley's waist.

“You don’t have to guess,” she said as she drew him near.  “I’m telling you.  You make me very happy.  I’m so thankful you found me.”

Crowley hugged her back and tucked her head under his chin before he kissed her hair. 

“Maybe you should lay off the cookies,” he teased, tickling her waist.  “You might be putting on a little weight.”

“I can’t believe you would say something like that!” she gasped.  “Do you really think so?”

She ran into the bedroom and slammed the door.  He heard the lock click.  Why did he put locks on the doors?  Not long after, however, Lilith emerged from the bedroom and went into the kitchen to make frosting.  Crowley glanced briefly at her expression before he grabbed a basket and walked quickly toward the vegetable garden.

Three hours later, they ignored the demon’s gaffe and sat at the table eating yellow cake with chocolate icing and drinking coffee, debating whether cake counted as a meal.

“Look,” Crowley was saying in his most reasonable voice.  “There’re eggs, flour, milk. . . all sorts of stuff that’s supposed to be good for you.  I don’t know why we need more than this.”

“Of course, you would say that!  You never eat, but I’ve been reading, and cake doesn’t have all of the necessary ‘vitamins and minerals’.  Plus, I guess ‘processed flour and sugar’ are bad for us.”

“Are you telling me that I went to all of this trouble, for nothing?”

“I didn’t say that.  I love cake.  This is delicious.  I’m just saying cake isn’t technically ‘food’.”

“Who made up these rules?  It’s lunacy.  You do what you want, but I’m not drying another dish today.”

“Fine.”

“Tasty cake, by the way.”

“Thank you.  We are a good team.”

---

“Whelp, time for my nap,” Crowley said as he headed into the bedroom.

“I might join you today.”

“Wha?  You don’t nap.”

“I didn’t sleep that well last night and I’m tired.  Is that ok?”

“Sure, join me.”

“Just to be clear,” Lilith said, holding up her finger authoritatively, “I’m going in there with you to sleep.  Understand.”

“Yeah, sure,” the demon shrugged.  “I get it.”

Crowley tried to act offended, but he was a little disappointed.

A few minutes later, Lilith was lying next to Crowley with her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest, but when they woke two hours later, they were spooning, with the demon’s arm around her waist and her body clutched close to his.  Lilith stretched her arms over her head.

“That was refreshing,” she said.  “I see the attraction.”

Crowley tickled her ear with his nose.

“It’s nice,” he said, “but it’s nicer with company.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Yeah?” the demon purred.

“For food.”

“Oh.”

Lilith jumped up and headed toward the kitchen while Crowley cut his losses and rolled over to go back to sleep.

“Aren’t you going to join me?” Lilith called.

The demon sighed.

“I’m coming,” he said out loud,  “but I don’t know why I have to get up just to watch you eat,” he grumbled.

---

Over the course of the next several weeks, they developed a new routine where Lilith would join Crowley for his daily nap.  Sometimes, Lilith was starving.  Sometimes, she didn’t want to eat at all.  Although he would never say anything to her, the demon thought Lilith was moodier than he remembered, but then he had to admit he really hadn’t known her for that long.  One time, after she’d snapped at him for the third time that day, Crowley almost felt sorry for Aziraphale having to put up with the demon’s bad temper for all of those centuries, but that thought just made him angry.

“Just deal with it,” he whispered to an imaginary Aziraphale.

---

“You know, you really should wear clothes in the kitchen,” Crowley commented one morning while he had his coffee and Lilith made herself avocado toast.

“Why,” she asked as she joined him at the table. 

“Hygiene, I suppose.”

“Noted.  I’ll get dressed when I’m done eating.”

“I don’t eat, so I suppose it doesn’t matter.  That’s up to you, but you obviously don’t want to fry bacon.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Crowley watched Lilith put her saucer into the dishwasher and made a decision. He got up from his chair and wrapped his arms around her waist, splaying his fingers over her abdomen.  She leaned back against him, smiling.

“Do you remember that day when I mentioned your weight?” he asked.

“Yes.”

Lilith's voice was a little frosty.

“You are gaining weight.  Look down.”

Lilith glanced at his hands and noticed the very definite bump and how far apart his fingers were spread.  She had noticed the development, but hadn’t given it much thought.  Now, she wondered how she could have been so casual about it. 

“What’s happening to me?” she whispered, alarmed.

“Obstetrics was one of my passions back in the day,” Crowley joked, “so I’m going to hazard a guess and say that you are expecting.”

Lilith was starting to panic.

“Expecting what?” she asked shakily.

“A baby.  I think you are expecting a baby.”

“What?”

“You remember all that ‘joining’?  That’s how babies are made.”

“But I joined with Adam and that ‘other man’, and I never got a baby.  Why do I have one now?”

“I have no idea,” Crowley said.  “I honestly didn’t think this was a possibility despite all of those rumors during the Dark Ages when Sandalphon was allowed on Earth unescorted.”

“So, you put this baby in me?”

“It’s more complicated than that, but yeah.”

“Oh my God!” Lilith squealed, turning to grab the demon’s shoulders as she jumped up and down in excitement.  “I going to have a ‘child’ and a ‘family’.  I’m so happy!”

The squealing and exclamations went on for longer than Crowley would have preferred, but he kept close to Lilith as she cavorted around the kitchen.  He couldn’t risk her falling in her glee.  Finally, she got winded, and he helped her to the sofa.  When she was settled, he went to the shelves for books with information on conception, pregnancy and delivery.  He congratulated himself for the thousandth time for the miracle of the cottage that provided whatever they needed without him performing any new miracles.

“Ok,” he said as he sat down beside her.  “I’m going to tell you about the birds and the bees.”

“The what?”

It’s a euphemism,” he said.  “Here’s what you need to know.”

Over the next few hours, Crowley used the various books he’d selected, some with very helpful graphics, to explain why Lilith was pregnant, what to expect during said pregnancy and at the time of delivery.  He’d seen his share of human births, and had assisted in more than one, but he thought some of the photos of actual births were a bit distressing.

“Will it hurt?” Lilith asked, after studying the birth photos for several minutes.

“It does, but I can help with that.  I can’t stop the pain completely, but I believe I can make it manageable.”

Lilith was leafing through a different book.

“Where do you suppose I am in my pregnancy,” she asked.  “Is my baby the size of a plum, a peach or an avocado?”

“I have no idea,” Crowley answered, wondering why on earth the authors decided to describe the size of a fetus by comparing it to such disparate foodstuffs.  He couldn’t imagine how the baby could be shaped like a cucumber.

“You look a little pale,” he said.  “I’m going to get you a glass of water, and you should rest here for a bit.  I think I’ll go for a walk.”

Lilith nodded.  She was tired and thirsty, and she thought they both needed some time alone to consider the implications of her pregnancy. Crowley handed her the glass of water, made sure she took a sip, then tucked the afghan around her shoulders.

“I won’t be long,” he said as he closed the front door behind him. 

He stood on the front stoop and took several deep breaths before taking the path toward the lake.  He’d suspected Lilith was pregnant for a few weeks, although he tried to convince himself he was wrong, but he knew the symptoms well enough, and the baby bump could no longer be ignored.

He was happy for Lilith, but he was troubled because it added another layer to their already complex relationship.  He’d always been protective, first of the humans, then of Aziraphale and Muriel, and most recently, Lilith, but what he was feeling now was different.  It was so much more intense than he would have thought possible considering how strong his feelings were (are?) for Aziraphale. 

There was so much at stake if Heaven was successful in bringing about the Second Coming.  He would have to help Aziraphale if the angel asked for assistance, but how could he leave Lilith alone in her condition, or with a new baby?  True, she’d been alone for eons, but never like this.

Finally, he actually thought about the baby.  This was his baby.  He was going to be a father.  He’d always liked kids, but this was so much more than that.  He was having a difficult time grasping the implications.  In the end, he let himself be happy for a few minutes, then he tamped it down.  There was always a shoe just waiting to drop, and he felt like the impending footwear was more like a steel toed boot or a stiletto heel.  It was going to be painful.

When Crowley got back to the house, he found Lilith on the couch sobbing.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, alarmed.

“It’s just . . ..” she choked, waving at the television.

“It’s just what?”

He glanced at the set, then lowered himself into a chair.

“You’re watching Hallmark Christmas movies?” he asked weakly. 

“Yes.  The commercials make me cry.”

“You don’t have to watch the commercials.”

“I know, but I like them.”

Crowley sighed and stood up.

“Are you hungry?  What would you like to eat?”

“The book said I should be eating lean proteins, dairy and plenty of vegetables and fresh fruit.  I guess that’s what I should eat then.”

“Ok.”

The demon went to the kitchen to make dinner.

“Ok,” he called later.  “Come to the table.  Supper’s ready.”

Lilith walked quickly to the table and sat down in anticipation.  She was hungry and she thought Crowley took too long when he cooked.  He was so precise about everything, whereas she kind of threw stuff together until it looked “right”, and since she was usually the only one eating, that didn’t matter.

“I made fish, brown rice, mixed vegetables and a fruit cup with yogurt.  Does that cover everything?”

“I think so.  Will you top off my water, please?  This smells so good.”

“I went for fish because the last time you had beef or chicken, you were sick.”

“This is fantastic.  Thank you so much.  Why don’t you pour yourself a little wine and watch me eat?”

---

It was late in the afternoon, and Crowley finished his coffee, then poured a glass of whiskey and walked to the living room where he could drape himself across the sofa and badger Lilith as she puttered in the kitchen, trying to decide if she was really hungry or just bored.  In the end, she ate a banana and signaled to the demon to join her outside.  They walked down to the seashore where she slipped under his arm and wrapped her arm around his waist.  They stood together, sipping water and whiskey, and stared out at the ocean as the sun sank on the horizon. 

“Hello Crowley,” a male voice said quietly from behind them.

They both jumped, and the demon thrust Lilith behind him and stared fiercely at the intruder.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he demanded in a harsh voice.

“Oh, Crowley.  Please don’t be like that,” Aziraphale said plaintively, pleading with the demon.  “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t terribly important.”

Crowley wanted to be belligerent.  He wanted to order Aziraphale away and tell him never to come back, but he knew what the angel’s presence meant.  He remained silent, but regarded the angel with open hostility as Lilith pushed her way forward.

“Aziraphale,” she said cordially.  “How nice to see you again.”

“I am so happy to see you again, dear,” the angel answered sincerely, although he was clearly disturbed by Crowley's reception.

“Crowley.  Please, can we talk?” he begged.  “This is serious.  I’m almost afraid to imagine what has happened since I left.  It took me quite a bit of time to find you.”

“Fine,” the demon said in a tired voice.  “Talk.”

“I thought we might go somewhere more comfortable,” the angel said as the wind from the ocean whipped around them.

“Why don’t you go up to the house,” Lilith said, directing the angel away from the beach. 

“Of course. Thank you,” Aziraphale said as he started up the path to the house. 

Lilith stood beside the demon and took his hand in hers.

“What’s he talking about?” she asked.  “Why does he need your help?”

“I’m not sure,” Crowley said, “but I might have a guess. I suppose we should go find out what he has to say.”

“Ok,” Lilith said, tightening her grip on his arm.

---

“I don’t know what happened,” Aziraphale said as he sipped his tea.  “I thought I had it all under control after convincing the Metatron and archangels that the next messiah should be born to a woman without sin.  I was positive it would take years for us to find the right woman considering we were only preparing one at a time, but then, it happened.”

“What happened?” Crowley asked, impatient. 

The angel always took too long to get to the point.  Normally, the demon would go along with it, but he was too anxious.

“A child was conceived to a woman without sin,” Aziraphale said.

“What?  There’s no such thing!  How?” 

“I have no idea.  It’s obviously problematic given we can’t find the woman and would likely be unable to find the child until they came into their power, and then it would be too late.”

“Too late for what?” Lilith asked.

“Too late for us to influence the child, although maybe that’s not a bad thing.”

He shrugged despondently.

“I don’t believe this is what the Almighty wanted,” Aziraphale continued.  “At least, I hope it’s not.  It is much too early for the Second Coming.  I think the Metatron somehow set this in motion because we thwarted Armageddon, and the Great Plan said the world was meant to end after 6,000 years.  Maybe he thinks it’s better late than never.”

Lilith gave Crowley a confused look, and he patted her hand.

“I’ll explain it all to you later.”

“Do you really think the Metatron could have triggered the Second Coming without God’s involvement?” the demon asked.

“I don’t know!” Aziraphale said, his voice a bit shrill.  “I’m not sure it matters.  Ever since we learned of the conception, Heaven has been preparing for the end of the world, and the plans are horrific.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I need your help to put a stop to this, although I have no idea what to do.  You were always the planner.”

“Look,” Crowley said in a tired voice.  “It doesn’t sound like there’s anything we can do about it today, and I’m going to have to think about it.”

“You know it won’t only be the Earth that is destroyed,” Aziraphale whispered, glancing meaningfully at Lilith.  “We will all lose in the end.”

“I’m aware!” the demon snapped, rubbing his temples.  “Lilith and I need to discuss this, and I need to sleep on it.  I won’t have any answers for you tonight.”

“I understand.”

“We’re going to bed, so you need to go.”

“Oh,” Aziraphale said quietly.  “Of course.  I will be on my way.” 

“There’s a guest suite upstairs,” Lilith said.  “You’re welcome to stay there if you like.”

Crowley growled, but she quieted him with a look.

“Thank you,” the angel said sincerely.  “Perhaps I will take you up on it, but I think I’ll take a walk first, if you don’t mind.”

“Knock yourself out,” the demon grumbled then stomped to the bedroom and slammed the door.

“Good night,” Lilith said, then followed Crowley.

“Good night.”

Crowley glared at Lilith, still angry at her for inviting the angel to stay at their place, but she ignored him and sat beside him on the bed.

“What does this mean?” she asked.  “Why didn’t you tell me about it before?”

“I don’t know what any of this means.  I have no idea what’s happening out there or whether there’s anything we can do about it.  I didn’t mention it because I didn’t see a point.”

“But you knew this was going to happen.”

“I heard rumors, but I had no idea when it would occur.”

“You knew he’d come for you.”

“I didn’t know that, but I suspected he might.”

“If life ends on Earth, it will end here, won’t it?  That’s what Aziraphale meant.”

“Yes.”

“So, you’re leaving?”

“I don’t think I have any choice.  I can’t stand by and let it happen.”

“You aren’t coming back, are you?”

“What?”

“Once you leave with him, when you are with him again, you won’t come back,” Lilith said with certainty.

“Why would you say that?”

“You never made any promises to me, and I know how it was with you two.  It’s obvious your feelings for each other haven’t changed.  I was merely a distraction until you could be with the one you love.  I knew that, but it doesn’t make it any easier.”

Crowley took her hands.

“Listen to me.  I never thought of you like that.  If I go and fail we all die.  You’ll be alone when it happens, and I'm sorry for that, but if it does happen, know that I was destroyed trying to stop it.  But, if I’m successful, I will come back here to you.  I promise.”

“God said it wouldn’t be forever,” Lilith said sadly, as she gently pulled her hands back from demon.

“What?”

“You and me,” she whispered.  “Nothing lasts forever.”

“No, I suppose it doesn’t, but if I have any say in it, I will come back to you.”

Lilith didn’t answer at first. She just stared at her hands in her lap.

“I’m scared,” she whispered.

“I know.  I’m scared too.  There’s so much more on the line this time.  I wish I could find someone to stay here with you to keep you company and protect you, but I can’t afford for anyone to know about you.” 

His mind was racing.  The savior will be born to a human woman without sin, but there is no such thing.  Humans are born with original sin that is the result of Eve and the apple, but Lilith left the Garden of Eden before Eve took the apple.  She was created by God, not born of man.  He was sure she was the only human woman without sin, and she’d hardly had much opportunity to sin living alone in this garden, even with the sex.  The Metatron was looking for Lilith and their baby.

“Anyway,” he said out loud, “I think it’s best if we don’t let Aziraphale know about your condition, so maybe you should stay out of sight as much as possible.  He’s very clever.  He’ll figure it out, otherwise, and we have no idea what it means.  I don’t want to draw any attention.”

“Don’t you think we can trust him?”

“I have no idea, but I need to keep you safe, so I think it’s best if no one else finds out.”

“Ok,” Lilith said quietly.  “When do you think you’ll be leaving?”

“I don’t know.  I’m going to have to talk to him to find out more.  Then we can make a plan.  Do you want me to bring you anything before I go?”

“No, thank you.  I don’t need anything.  I think I’ll try to get some sleep.”

“Ok.”

Crowley left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.  He stood in the hall for several seconds trying to catch his breath and calm his thoughts, but he had too many conflicting emotions for that.  He sighed and left to find Aziraphale.

The angel was standing on the beach, staring out at the ocean.  The weather was mild, and the view was lovely.  The sky was full of stars.

“Aziraphale,” Crowley said when he got close enough.  “You said you wanted to talk, so talk.”

That angel turned and Crowley could see that he wanted to discuss everything but the Second Coming, but the demon’s expression put a stop to that.

“As I said,” Aziraphale spoke quietly, “a child has been conceived by a woman who is without sin.  That appears to be the trigger for the Second Coming, but I’m not sure of the timing.  I don’t know if the child has to reach a certain age or merely be born, and we both know what will happen in the meantime.”

“Yeah,” Crowley grunted, “there will be earthquakes, floods, disease, famine, great storms that will destroy the crops of the earth.  Nation will battle nation and it’s all going to keep getting worse until the end.”

“Exactly,” Aziraphale affirmed, “and the Metatron was preparing to roll out the harbingers immediately, but I have no idea how long I spent looking for you.  I’m terrified to see what is happening on Earth and to the humans.  I know humans have suffered through these calamities before, singularly and together, so they may not even notice right away.  They are very good at ignoring information that is right in front of their noses, which is how they have hope, I suppose.”

“But also, why they often do nothing to alleviate the suffering of others or to stop doing the things that caused the problems in the first place.”

The angel nodded sadly.

“Just so,” he whispered.

“So, what’s your plan?” Crowley asked.

“I’m not sure.  I was hoping something would occur to us once we got back to Earth, although I fear we may already be too late.”

“Nah!  If I know anything about the Metatron and archangels, it’s that they love to prolong human suffering, but that’s ok.  Heaven is the ‘good guy’, right?” 

“Crowley, please!” Aziraphale begged.  “We don’t have time for this.”

“Right.  Humans aren’t the only ones who can ignore the obvious,” the demon said sarcastically.  “So, when did you hear about the conception?”

“I’m not sure.  As I said, time moves differently here, so I have no idea how long I’ve been gone, but I started actively looking for you right after we heard, and I’m positive we found out about it the moment it happened.  The bells rang.”

“That never happens.”

“Precisely.”

“What did you mean when you said you started ‘actively’ looking for me when you found out?”

“I’d been searching for you for years.  We could always sense each other, but one day when I came to Earth to speak with Muriel, you were gone.  I looked for you everywhere and made discreet inquiries, but I was afraid to be too obvious.”

“Years?  How long was I gone?”

“Crowley, I’ve been looking for you for almost 25 years.”

It took all of the self-restraint he’d gained in eons of dodging Hell for the demon to keep his expression neutral.

“Ah,” was all he said.

“How long have you been here?”

“I’m not sure.  Maybe, 5 or 6 months?” he hedged.

“What?” Aziraphale asked, incredulous.  “God knows what’s happening on Earth if time goes that slowly here.  We need to get going now!”

“I suppose you’re right.  I’ll talk to Lilith in the morning and then I’ll be ready to go.”

“No doubt she’ll miss you, but luckily you haven’t been here that long.  I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

Crowley didn’t answer.  Instead, he turned away from the angel and walked toward the house.

The demon knew the instant he walked in the bedroom door that she had been crying.  She was also very pale.  He walked quickly to her side and sat next to her on the bed.

“Look, we both know I have to go, but it’s not good for you to get worked up about this.  You need to stay calm for the baby.  You’ll have everything you need while I’m away, and anything else you can think of.  The cottage will provide.  Time moves so slowly here, I may only be gone for a few days.  Meanwhile, read the books and do what they tell you to do.  You aren’t really alone.  The baby will be with you.”

“I know, but I’m so scared.  What if the baby comes before you get back?  What if I have to go through labor and delivery alone?”

Crowley pulled her to him and stroked her hair.  She clutched him tightly.

“I don’t think you need to worry about that.  I figure I’ve been here for months, but Aziraphale says 25 years have passed on Earth.  There’s no reason I wouldn’t be back well before your due date.”

They both left the rest of that thought unsaid.  If Crowley wasn’t back before the baby was born it would be because he failed, and it wouldn’t matter.

“Let’s try to get some sleep, ok?” he said as he lay beside her and pulled her close.

“Ok.”

Neither of them got much sleep and Crowley was up with the sun.

“I have to go,” he said finally.

“I know.  Please be careful.”

“Always.”

He kissed her again, then stood up, and studied her for several seconds before he left the room, closing the door firmly behind him.

Aziraphale was still on the beach.  The demon joined him, but neither spoke while they walked toward the cave that formed the entrance to the dark corridors.

“You didn’t tell me how you found me,” Crowley said after several minutes.

“I knew you weren’t on Earth, so I asked Furfur to see if you were in Hell.  When he couldn’t find you there, I convinced him to set up a meeting with Shax.  I told her what was happening, and she spoke with the Council.  That’s when Dagon contacted me and told me about Lilith.”

“Dagon didn’t mention it in front of the Council?”

“No, even though everyone was concerned about the Second Coming since Hell would likely also be destroyed, and there would be no reason for Hell without human souls, she stayed quiet until she could speak with me privately.  She helped me get to the entrance to the corridors in Hell.”

Crowley nodded approvingly.  He always suspected Dagon was much more intelligent than the other demons.  She was certainly the most imaginative when it came to torture, and he wished they’d been on the same side sooner.

“But there was something I wanted to ask you,” the angel continued.  “Lilith . . .”

“What about her?” the demon snapped.

“I know it’s been over 6,000 years, but has she gained weight?”

“What?  Why would you ask me?  She looks the same as she always looked.”

“I don’t know.  I just thought she looked rounder in the face.”

“I have nothing for you, except that she discovered cookies, cakes and other sweet treats.  That’ll do it, right?”

Crowley looked meaningfully at Aziraphale’s broad physique.

“Oh,” the angel laughed.  “I suppose that would do it.  It was a rude question to ask anyway.  I just wondered.”

Crowley didn’t answer, but he was worried the angel knew about Lilith's condition.  What if he was jealous of the woman and wanted to get rid of her?  It would be out of character for the angel, but that information might certainly doom her.

The journey through the Dark Corridors was easier than Crowley remembered, but it helped that he was not in despair and had a purpose. He also suspected Aziraphale’s presence smoothed the way.  They were two very powerful entities, even more so when they worked together, and they were counting on that to save the day.

When they reached the opening into Hell, Crowley went first, then waved the angel in.  As soon as he was free of the corridors, Aziraphale changed his appearance to one more befitting a demon, and they both walked toward the elevator as quickly as they could without drawing attention.  At first, there was no one in the halls, but it wasn’t long before they were walking through the masses of demons and damned souls.

They were nearly to the elevator when Furfur rushed up to them, clearly panicked.

“Crowley!  They took Muriel!  They took her back to Heaven.  I wanted to stop them, but she made me promise not to interfere!”

“Whoa!” Crowley said, looking around them to see whether anyone else had noticed the exchange, but was glad to see that everyone was too preoccupied with their own tragedies to notice another despairing demon.  “What are you talking about?”

“The angels came to the bookshop and made Muriel go back to Heaven.  They looked so angry, they were terrifying.  I wanted to save her, but she pushed me out of the bookshop and told me not to do anything to help her.”

“Oh my,” Aziraphale said quietly.  “I am afraid to think what that means.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Crowley looked at Furfur, and started walking more quickly to the elevator.

“You did the right thing.  They would have destroyed you as soon as they saw you.”

“But we have to do something to help her!”

Aziraphale followed the two demons, but tried to console Furfur.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” he said as comfortingly as he could.

Furfur looked at the angel closely for the first time.

“It’s you,” he whispered. “I’m glad you found him.”

Crowley stepped into the elevator, and pushed the button to Earth.  Crowley and Aziraphale had just exited the lift when they were set upon by a dozen angels who immediately locked them in miracle blocking chains.  Furfur cringed against the back wall, unnoticed.

“Tell Dagon and Shax!” Crowley hissed. 

Furfur nodded and pushed the button to Hell before an angel could stop him. 

“What is the meaning of this?” Aziraphale said haughtily.  “Why am I in chains?”

“Because you are a traitor and have always been a traitor,” Michael said, looking with disgust at the angel’s attire and stabbing at the elevator call button.  “You are even dressing as a demon, which would be fine because you would certainly Fall for this, but I’m afraid the Metatron won’t let that happen.  It’s time to be rid of the two of you once and for all.”

“What?” Uriel said sarcastically to Crowley.  “No smart remarks?”

The demon had been silent.  He needed time to think.  The angels were taking him to Heaven, which was not ideal, but he looked up at Uriel.

“Language, angel!” Crowley taunted.  “Do you kiss the Metatron’s ass with that mouth?”

Uriel punched the demon in the stomach, doubling him over.  Aziraphale struggled against his chains.

“Stop that this instant!” he commanded.  “He is helpless.  That is beneath you!”

For a second, Uriel responded to the power of the Supreme Archangel, but shook it off.  She approached Aziraphale threateningly, but he looked her squarely in the eye, daring her to strike him.  She hesitated, but the elevator doors opened, and she stepped out instead.

“You will get what you deserve,” she growled.

“I certainly hope so!” Aziraphale answered, seemingly undaunted.

“Come on!” Michael barked, grabbing Crowley by the arm.  “Follow me.  We’ll see what the Metatron has to say about this.”

“It would be great if the Metatron actually spoke for the Almighty,” Crowley said conversationally, “but we know that hasn’t been the case for a long, long time.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” one of the accompanying angels asked.

“Nothing,” Uriel snapped.  “It means nothing.  He’s a demon.  He lies.  Don’t listen to a word he says.”

When they got to the Metatron’s door, Michael instructed the other angels to stay in the hall and only she and Uriel accompanied Aziraphale and Crowley into the office.

“Well, well,” the Metatron said in his reasonable old man voice.  “The prodigal son has returned, and he brought that filth with him.”

“For shame,” Crowley taunted.  “You should at least pretend like you have an iota of God’s grace in you.”

Uriel punched the demon again, knocking the air out of his lungs.

“Shut up!” she hissed.  “I told you to shut up!”

“Temper, temper,” Aziraphale admonished, before turning to the Metatron.

“And what is the meaning of this?” he asked, his eyes slightly more purple than blue.

“Don’t play stupid, Aziraphale,” the Metatron purred.  “You know exactly what this is about.  It’s about the Second Coming.  I assume you found the woman who is without sin?”

Crowley froze.  Was Aziraphale really looking for him or did he know about Lilith?  The demon was glad he hadn’t lost his glasses, because he knew his eyes were fully yellow with panic.

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Aziraphale said casually.  “I was not searching for the mother of our Savior.  I only sought Crowley, and that was for purely selfish reasons.”

“It doesn’t matter,” the Metatron said, seemingly satisfied with the angel’s answer.  “We knew you were a traitor, and you’ve just confirmed it.  It is only a matter of time before we find the woman and the child.”

“What happens then?” Aziraphale asked.

“The mother is not important to our efforts on Earth.  Once the child is born, she will be dispatched to Heaven.  The Virgin Mary was revered on Earth, but there will be no humans left to worship her, so she has no further purpose here.  Of course, she will be rewarded in Heaven, but that is irrelevant.”

Crowley was glaring at the Metatron, barely containing his fury and his panic.  They were going to kill Lilith the minute she gave birth to her baby.  The Metatron was speaking of her as if she were some kind of livestock.  He was surprised Uriel couldn’t feel his body shaking as it filled with the power he was unable to unleash, but the archangel appeared oblivious to the raw energy coursing through the demon’s slender frame. 

“You haven’t found her yet,” he hissed.  “What makes you think you’ll ever find her?”

“Well,” the Metatron said, “we know she is not on Earth, but I had forgotten about the other places in the universe.  Fortunately, Aziraphale reminded me of them when he left to find you.  I suppose that will be the first place we look, but I’m prepared to go to the stars if I have to.”

Crowley's breath caught in his throat, and his mouth was too dry to swallow.  The angel had damned Lilith, their baby and the world with his selfishness.  He was furious at the Metatron, the archangels and Aziraphale.  He would have turned on the angel except he didn’t want to give the Metatron any clues.

“Go ahead,” he said, instead.  “There’s nothing there but sand and rocks.  It was miserable, but not as bad as this place with you sanctimonious hypocrites!”

Aziraphale saw Crowley glaring at him as he spoke, and became quite pale.  He had suspected that Lilith was expecting the moment he saw her.  He could sense it, even if he couldn’t see it, but her face was fuller as was her midsection under the shapeless dress.  At first, he wanted to think that Lilith was impregnated in the same manner as Mary, but he knew from the demon’s reaction that was not the case.

The Metatron glanced from Crowley to Aziraphale and back again and his eyes narrowed.

“I see,” he said quietly.  “I will send a contingent as soon as we are finished here.”

“But don’t you have to go through Hell to get there?” Michael asked.

“I fully intend to eradicate Hell.  This is simply a good reason to do it sooner than later.”

“You think you will win a battle against demons in Hell?” Aziraphale asked, surprised.  “They are at their full power there.  That is the source of evil.”

“If that’s what I have to do to get to the savior, then so be it.”

“Only you won’t be doing it, will you?” Crowley said.  “You’ll send the angels to do your dirty work.”

The Metatron shrugged.

“That’s what they were made to do.  That’s all they know.  How to fight and how to die.”

“Is that why you took Muriel from Earth?” Aziraphale asked.

“Of course.  We will need all of the bodies we can get to wage that war.  Even dim scriveners, but she is immaterial.  Tell me the way to wherever you found the demon, and maybe I’ll go easy on you.  Otherwise, you can watch as we use him to encourage your cooperation.  Michael, show them.”

Michael pulled a bottle out of her pocket and waved it in front of Crowley and Aziraphale.

“This is holy water, as I’m sure you’ve guessed,” the Metatron said, “and before you say anything, I’m wise to your little trick.  I know how you avoided destruction before.  I am not as easily fooled.”  He smirked.  “I don’t intend to douse him with it,” he continued.  “I plan to use it sparingly, unless you tell me what I want to know.”

“And if I do tell you?  What then?”

“Then, we will make it quick and merciful.”

“You think holy water is merciful?” Aziraphale was enraged.

“It’s as merciful as I intend to be.  It’s up to you.  He can die slowly and very, very painfully, or he can die quickly…still painful, but short-lived.  After that, we’ll try Hellfire on you.”

Crowley was nearing his threshold.  The energy had nearly engulfed is body.  He was surprised he wasn’t smoking and that no one could see it.  It was bubbling inside him, but was contained by the miracle blocking chains.  This was too much. 

First, the Metatron threatened Lilith, then him and finally Aziraphale, all so that he could get to Crowley's baby and force the child to end the world.  He clenched his teeth against the pressure, but just when he thought he would burst, the chains fell off into a heap at his feet and the power exploded into the room.  It was directed at the Metatron, who burst into flames first, but Uriel and Michael weren’t far behind him.  Only Aziraphale and Crowley were left in the room.  Everything else was destroyed.

“Well, it looks like I got here just in time,” a voice said from the opening that had once had a door.

“Gabriel!  What are you doing here?” Aziraphale cried.

“Furfur told Dagon and Dagon told Beelzebub, so I came to Heaven.  Isn’t that the way?  Always running errands for the little woman.”

“But why?”

“Why?” Gabriel asked with that “duh” face Crowley hated.  “Because we owed you a favor and because nobody except these lunatics want to see the end of the world.  That’s just stupid.”

“But the child has been conceived,” Aziraphale said weakly.

“Yeah, whatever.  I don’t believe that means anything.  The Almighty hasn’t been in the picture since Job.  I doubt She had anything to do with it, but I guess if She wants to end the world, She can do it Herself.”

“That’s blasphemy!” Aziraphale gasped.

“Maybe, but if She smites me, at least we’ll know She’s still in the game.”

He held his hands out wide and lifted his chin as if inviting a lightning bolt.  After a moment, he shrugged.

“See?  Now, if you don’t mind, I have to get back to Beelzebub to let her know I’m safe.  For a demon, she worries a lot, but you didn’t hear that from me.  By the way,” he said before he vanished, “you are still the Supreme Archangel of Heaven.  Hop to it.”

“Yes, of course,” Aziraphale said a bit shakily. 

He walked to the doorway and looked around.

“Clariel, dear, will you please fetch Muriel for me? Thank you very much.”

He came back into the room and glanced briefly at Crowley.

“Poor thing, she was a bit traumatized by the door flying off the hinges.  I’m happy to say that no one else was hurt.”

“Yeah, great.  Glad to hear it,” Crowley said absently.  “Now, if you don’t mind, I have places to be.”

“Crowley!  Please, can we talk?”

“I don’t really have anything to say to you.”

“Please.”

The demon rolled his eyes impatiently.

“Fine, but make it quick.”

“Just let me get a few things settled and I’ll be right with you.”

“I gotta go.  You know where to find me.”

“Crowley!  Please.  Just wait.”

“Waited 6,000 years already.  Gotta go.”

“Fine.  We can talk now.”

“I’ll meet you on Earth.  I can’t spend another minute in this place.”

“Mr. Crowley!  I’m so glad to see you!  I missed you so much!”

Muriel threw herself into the demon and he barely managed to catch her and right himself to avoid tumbling onto the floor of Heaven.

“Whoa, Flower,” he said, holding her out at arm’s length after a brief hug. Then he frowned.

“What’s all this then?” he asked indicating her dirty gown and matted hair. 

He looked more closely, and she blushed and tried to look away, but he stopped her with a gentle finger on her chin.  His frown deepened.  She had bruises on her face and wrists.  He was sure there were more bruises hidden by her sleeves.

“What did they do to you?” he asked in a very quiet voice, glancing meaningfully at Aziraphale.

“Oh, it was nothing.  Please don’t worry about me.  I’m so happy Aziraphale was able to find you.  You were gone for so long.”

“Tell you what.  I’ve had as much of this place as I can stand.  What do you say we go back to Earth, and you can catch me up?”

“That sounds wonderful,” Muriel said, grabbing Crowley's hand and dragging him toward the elevator, obviously anxious to leave Heaven.

“I won’t wait long, Aziraphale,” the demon said over his shoulder, “so make it quick.”

“Is Furfur ok?” Muriel asked anxiously.  “I was so worried about him.”

“He’s fine.  He saved the day, as a matter of fact.”

“Oh, wonderful!  Nina and Maggie will be so happy to see you.  They got married and had a baby and everything, except the baby is in college now, so not a baby anymore.”

Crowley nodded at appropriate intervals as he allowed the chatty angel to pull him toward the elevator doors.  She could make as much small talk as she wanted, but he was determined to find out what had happened to her in Heaven.  When they stepped onto the street, Furfur was waiting anxiously, and immediately wrapped his arms around Muriel.

“Oh, Muriel!  I thought I’d never see you again!” he cried, looking at her with a concerned expression. 

“Are you ok?” he asked.  “Did they hurt you?”

“I’m fine,” she assured him, stepping out of his embrace, obviously uncomfortable with the public show of affection.  “I’m just a little dirty, that’s all.  Here.  I’ll fix it.”

She snapped, and her clothes and hair were clean and orderly, and the bruises were gone.  She looked at the two demons brightly.

“See,” she said.  “Good as new.”

“Hardly,” Crowley growled.

Furfur looked unsure of himself, but was still very angry.  He didn’t say anything, then took her hand possessively.

“I wanted to stop them,” he said.  “I was so worried about you.”

“I know, but you couldn’t have done anything, and it would have just made things worse.  Everything is ok, now.  Ok?  Honestly, there was nothing you could have done.”

Crowley tried to hide his approval.  Furfur was not the sharpest demon, and was certainly not powerful, but his protestations were sincere.  Crowley thought Furfur would have actually tried to intervene if Muriel hadn’t told him not to, so the lesser demon was also very brave.  

“Let’s get something to drink,” Crowley said.  “We can talk then.”

When they entered the coffee shop, Crowley was surprised to see that, except for a few gray hairs, Nina was largely unchanged, but her eyes went wide when she recognized him, and she came around the counter to greet him, although she stopped short of actually touching him.

“Get these two whatever they want,” he said.  “Do you still keep the bottle under the counter?”

She nodded.

“Get a big cup and fill it with six shots.  Nothing else.”

They had hardly taken their seats when Maggie rushed into the coffee shop and ran straight toward Crowley.  He wanted to stiff arm her but changed his mind at the last minute and stood to take the full brunt of her bear hug.

“Oh, Mr. Crowley!  I am so glad to see you!  It’s wonderful to have you back.”

“Ngk.”

“Eloquent as always,” Nina said as she arrived holding a tray with three cups.  She placed the cups on the table.

“Hot chocolate for you,” she said to Muriel, “tea with no sugar for you,” she said as she placed cup in front of Furfur, “and six shots for Mr. Crowley.”

“Thank you!” Muriel said politely, while Crowley and Furfur merely grunted.

“Will you be staying for long?” Maggie asked.

“No,” Crowley answered.  “I have stuff I need to do.  I’m just passing through.”

“Oh.”

Maggie and Muriel looked disappointed.  Nina was mildly disapproving.

“You have stuff to do here, too, you know,” she scolded.

“Nah.  Not anymore.”

“Liar,” Nina whispered as she walked away, motioning for Maggie to follow her.

“Ok, Flower,” Crowley said to Muriel.  “Out with it.  What went on up there?”

“Honestly, it wasn’t that bad.  I was training to be a soldier and I’m just not very good at it.  I did all of this to myself.  Swords are heavy and I fell down a lot.”

“Do you swear?” Furfur said, looking her in the eyes.

“Yes. I was just embarrassed to have to admit it.  They asked me questions about you and Mr. Crowley, but of course, I didn’t tell them anything.  Luckily, they think I’m stupid, so they sent me to battle training almost as soon as I got to Heaven.”

“You aren’t stupid,” Furfur said angrily, taking her hand in his.  “You are the smartest angel I know.”

Muriel smiled at him and at the sight of her hand in his, then she blushed, while Crowley's opinion of Furfur went up a little more.  Furfur wasn’t afraid to show his affection, even if Muriel was hesitant to reciprocate, and it had only taken him 25 years.  Crowley downed the whiskey and placed the empty cup on the table.

“Well,” he said.  “I’m outta here.  Aziraphale will know how to find me.”

“Are you sure?” Muriel objected, grabbing his sleeve with her free hand.  “You just got here.  I have so much I want to tell you.”

“And I’m sure it’s all perfectly riveting, but I have some time-sensitive matters to attend to.  I really should be going.”

“Crowley.  Please wait,” Aziraphale said as he came through the door.  “You said you would talk to me.  Will you come to the book shop where we can speak privately?”

“Fine, but make it quick.”

“Of course.”

Nina and Maggie caught the angel’s eye as he followed the demon onto the street.  They tried to look encouraging, but neither held out much hope.

“Ok.  Get talking,” Crowley said as they entered the bookshop, refusing to sit down.  “What’s so important?”

“I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what happened.  I’m sure I did the right thing, but I know how much it hurt you and I will never forgive myself for that.”

“Water under the bridge.  I moved on.”

“I noticed.  You and Lilith seemed close.”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“How close?”

“What do you mean?”

“Crowley.  Is she expecting?”

The demon considered the angel for several seconds before answering.

“Yeah.”

“I thought so.  She was the woman without sin who conceived a child, but that had nothing to do with the Almighty or the Second Coming, did it?”

“Nope. All perfectly natural.  The Metatron was just using it as an excuse to destroy the universe and all of God’s creations, and the archangels were going along with it.  You know, the ‘good guys’.”

“I’m so sorry for what I said.  I can’t believe how stupid I can be.”

“Look.  All of that is old news.  I’ve moved on and I have other responsibilities.  I gave us a shot, and it didn’t work out.  I don’t see any reason to discuss it further.”

“Can I come with you?”

“What?”

“I don’t have anything in Heaven or on Earth…not anymore.  I thought maybe I could join you and Lilith.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I understand.”

“Good talk,” Crowley said as he opened the door. 

“Goodbye, Crowley.”

“Yeah.”

The demon walked across the street, punched the call button, then stepped into the elevator.  The discussion had not gone well, but he didn’t think that was possible.  He shrugged as he stepped into the halls of Hell and the demons parted to allow him to pass.

“What happened?” Dagon asked, hurrying to catch up to him.  “Is it true you destroyed the Metatron and two archangels?”

Crowley nodded slightly.

“Yup, but I don’t want to talk about it.  I just want to get back to Lilith.  Furfur will get the story from Muriel or Aziraphale and will fill you in on the details.”

“Ok, but Crowley?”

“What?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“It was going to be so bad.”

“Yeah.”

Dagon didn’t follow the demon as he strode purposefully down the long corridors of Hell, and he had no trouble traveling through the dark passages to Lilith.  They were either frightened of him, or had simply given up trying to stop him.  He blinked when he stepped out of the cave and onto the sunny plain, and was a little surprised that Lilith wasn’t there to greet him since he had been gone such a short time.  

He walked quickly toward the cottage, scanning the beach as he went, but she wasn’t outside. 

“Lilith?” he called as he entered the house.  “Are you here?”

When he got no answer, Crowley took the stairs two steps at a time to the second story, but it was empty.  He ran down the stairs and out toward the gardens.  She wasn’t close to home, nor was she in the vegetable gardens farther from the cottage. 

He sprinted toward the lake, panic settled in his stomach as he called for her.  He knew she had to be here, and she was perfectly safe, but he never completely got over the trauma of losing Aziraphale in the bookstore fire.

“Lilith!  Where are you?  I can’t find you!”

“Crowley?  Is that you?”

He turned the corner toward the lake and saw Lilith wading out of the water.  She was naked, her clothes draped over the rock.

“Crowley?  Oh my God!  You’re home already?”

She ran toward him and threw herself at him, but Crowley was ready for her and stood firm as she leapt into his arms and kissed him all over his face.  He had difficulty holding onto her bare, wet skin, but neither seemed to mind.

“Yeah, I got off early . . .” he joked, but was cut off by her kiss.

“I thought I was never going to see you again,” she whispered into his ear.  “I know you said you’d come back…”

“I know.  Demons lie.”

“It’s just that you and Aziraphale …”

“I don’t want to talk about that.  How about we go back to the cottage, get comfortable with a refreshing beverage and I’ll tell you all about it.  Did you want to get your clothes.”

“I don’t need them,” she said coyly.

“Oh.  Ok.”

“Come on!” she urged.

“I’m coming.  Yeesch!”

Later that afternoon, Crowley lounged on the bed sipping whiskey while Lilith snuggled under his free arm and drank tea.

“Ok.  I’m ready now,” she said.  “Tell me all about it.”

“It went pretty quickly because a contingent of angels was waiting for us right outside the elevator doors.  I still don’t know how they knew we were coming, unless they had angels posted there 24/7.  They knew we weren’t on Earth and must have assumed we were in Hell.  Anyway, they took us right up to Heaven, but I told one of the lesser demons to tell Dagon, and she told Beelzebub who told Gabriel.”

Crowley took a sip of whiskey.

“I don’t know any of those people,” Lilith said conversationally.

“I know.  I’ll tell you more later.”

“But you are so powerful.  How could they capture you?”

“They wrapped us in miracle blocking chains first thing.”

“Oh.”

“So, we were up in Heaven and the Metatron, Michael and Uriel were threatening us and you.  I have been furious, but I never felt anything like the power that surged in me when that asshole talked about you and our baby.  I thought it would kill me.  Luckily, Gabriel showed up and broke the chains and all of that energy went toward destroying the Metatron and archangels.  I don’t know if Aziraphale saw it coming and took precautions, or if by some miracle, the energy missed or avoided him, but there we stood in the middle of an empty room.  Everything else had been completely obliterated.”

“Why would they talk about me or the baby?”

“Because you are the woman without sin.”

“What?  That’s crazy.  I got kicked out of the garden.”

“God allowed you to leave the garden and placed you in another garden.  That’s not the same as being evicted.  You were created by the Almighty.  You weren’t born of man, so you weren’t saddled with original sin.  The Metatron thought our baby was the Second Coming.”

“But that’s not true, right?”

“It is not.  The baby is only important to us.”

“Oh, good.”

They sat in silence while they each sipped their beverage. 

“There was something I wanted to talk to you about,” Lilith said after a while.

“Yeah?  What’s that?”

“I want to leave here and go to Earth.”

“What?  Why?  We don’t know what will happen if you leave here.  You might grow old and die.”

“I know, but I want our child to be among humans.  I want them to have as normal a life as possible considering their parentage.  Plus, I’ve seen all of the wonderful things I’ve missed, and I want to experience them.  I’ve lived long enough and if I have no sin, I’ll go to Heaven when I die.  I’m not afraid of dying.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ok.  I can make that happen.  You’ll love Earth.  We’ll be very happy there.”

“Crowley?”

“Yeah?”

“I want to find a love of my own.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t love me.”

“How can you say that?”

“See?  You aren’t even denying it.  You love Aziraphale and he loves you.  I want to find that for myself, and if life is as short as you say, the last thing I need is a scary demon chasing away my beaus.”

“You don’t want me in your life!?!”

“Of course, I do.  This is your baby, too.  I just don’t want you passing yourself off as my husband.”

“Are you sure?  I was ready to do that you know.”

“I know, and I appreciate it, but we both know that’s not what you want.”

“I’m not sure that’s true.  I don’t see a future for Aziraphale and me. There’s just too much water under that bridge.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!  Anyway, I’ve made up my mind and I hope you will respect that.”

“I will.  When do you want to leave?”

“Immediately.  If time on Earth goes as fast as you say, everything will be completely changed by the time the baby is born here, and I’m familiar with what’s happening now.”

“What?”

“Television and books mostly deal with the present or the past and they make the future look scary.”

“Oh.  I know what you mean.  Do you want to pack anything, or will you start fresh when we get there.”

“Do I need to pack anything?”

“Nah.  I’ll make you whatever you want.  Leave everything here.  That way, we can use this place as a holiday getaway.  How does that sound?”

“It sounds wonderful.”

Lilith pressed up against Crowley and he wrapped his arms around her.

“But this…the personal stuff…is pretty nice,” she said.

“Yeah. I like it.”

“I’ll miss it.  Do we have to give it up?”

“That all depends on you,” Crowley said.  “I’m game if you are.”

“But wouldn’t it be considered a sin on Earth?”

“Nah.  That’s lust.  This isn’t lust.”

She climbed up on his lap and straddled his hips.

“Are you sure?” she teased.

“Nope,” he grinned and pulled her close.

“I guess we don’t have to leave until morning.  It’s already pretty late.”

“Yeah.”

---

Lilith became more nervous as they approached the cave leading to the dark corridors.

“I think I left the stove on,” she said anxiously.

“You didn’t.  I checked.”

“You did not!”

“You’re right.  I didn’t, but it’s not on.  I sealed everything up.  You don’t have to stay on Earth if you don’t like it.  The cottage will be ready for us whenever we want to come back.”

“I know.”

“Good,” he said taking her hand as he led her into the cave.  “These tunnels can feel pretty bleak, but don’t let them get to you.  I’ll be with you the whole time, ok?”

Lilith nodded her head, but didn’t answer.  She was very pale.  Crowley surmised that the corridors were intended to keep people from entering as much as they were meant to force travelers to get lost in them forever.  It was assumed that they were Satan’s doing, but God might have created them to keep Lilith safe from Hell.    

The tunnels no longer tormented Crowley, but they tortured Lilith.  She struggled and sobbed for much of the trip, and the demon was glad that he could lead her through as quickly as possible.  In the end, when she was too weak and dizzy to continue, he lifted her like a baby and carried her to the rest of the way.  He marveled, as he always did, how tiny she was when she was such a formidable presence otherwise.  

He stood in Hell right outside the corridors and held Lilith until she calmed enough that he felt comfortable setting her down, although he kept an arm around her until she motioned that she was capable of standing on her own.

“I don’t think I can ever go through that again,” she said shakily.  “Maybe that won’t be such a great holiday destination.”

“It gets easier the more you do it,” he assured her, hoping he was right.  “If you don’t think you can do it again, I can always drug you and carry you through unconscious.  You won’t even know what’s happening and you’ll wake up in paradise.”

She chuckled weakly.

“That’s a relief.”

“Now, I’m going to disguise you as a demon, mostly just with the clothes, but if you want some sort of animal to wear on your head, I can probably arrange that.  Don’t make it a bunny or anything cutsie.  That’s just looking for trouble.”

“Can you coil a big snake around my neck and body?  That might be fun.  Do you suppose demons would think we were a couple if I had a snake?”

“They might, but we are kind of a couple.”

“Yeah, that’s true.  You put a baby in me.  I guess I’m not getting rid of you anytime soon.”

“Nope.”

“Good.”

Crowley snapped, and Lilith was dressed all in black with a long cape.  As requested, a large python was curled around her neck and lounged on both shoulders.  The snake brought its large head up to Lilith's face and it’s tongue flicked her cheek.  She smiled and stroked it.

“You look smashing!” the demon remarked proudly.

“Thank you.  He’s beautiful, but I thought it would be heavier.”

“Oh, it should be much heavier, but you wouldn’t be able to carry it, so I made some adjustments.”

“I’m going to name him Hank.”

“Is it a boy snake?”

“That’s what he says, so I’ll take his word for it.”

“Does he like the name Hank?”

“I can’t pronounce his real name, so he’s going to have to.”

She smiled again at the snake and tenderly stroked his smooth scales.  Crowley watched enviously. 

“I didn’t know you liked snakes,” he said.  “If I had, I would have taken that form more often.”

“I love snakes,” she teased, “and there’s nothing to stop you from doing it when we are in private.”

“Stay here.  I’m going to scout around.  I’ll be right back.”

Lilith nodded, but when Crowley was gone she spoke quietly to Hank.

“He says he’ll want me to pet him as a snake, but when he and Aziraphale make up, he won’t be interested in me anymore….not in that way, at least.  He’s loyal to a fault, but we’ll be fine without him, eventually, right?”

“Ok,” Crowley said from around a corner. “The coast is clear.  Come on.”

The demon led the way through the crowded halls of Hell, and carved a wide path for Lilith, although the snake seemed to cause the other demons to give her extra space.  No one tried to stop them as they approached the elevator.  Crowley turned to Lilith.

“Earth is kind of like the garden. I mean there is the ground and the sky, but we will enter near a busy city intersection, so it will be noisy and smelly.  Stay close to me, and you’ll be fine.  I’ll take you to the coffee shop where it should be quiet.  Are you ready?”

Lilith nodded and Crowley pushed the call button.  A moment later the doors opened, and they stepped into the elevator.  Lilith jumped when it started, and Crowley cursed himself for not mentioning that.

“It’s fine,” he soothed.  “This is what’s meant to happen.  We are going up.”

Lilith nodded again, but her eyes were shut tight, so she didn’t see her clothing change from demon chic to something more appropriate to Soho.  It was a simple, short dress with flat sandals and a fashionably oversized jacket.  Hank was a tiny gold pin with citrine eyes on her lapel.

When the door opened to Earth, Crowley stepped out first, keeping Lilith protectively behind him.  When he deemed it was safe, he motioned her to follow him.

“You changed my clothes!” she exclaimed, delighted.  “How do I look?”

“You look fantastic,” he assured her, holding out his hand.  “Now, come on.”

He didn’t let go of her hand after they’d crossed the street, or before they went into the coffee shop.  Nina noticed and one eyebrow shot up, but that was her only reaction to Crowley entering the shop holding hands with a lovely young woman who barely came up to the demon’s shoulders.

“The usual for me,” he said to Nina as they walked toward the back of the shop, “and a cup of hot chocolate for her.”

Nina set the cups on the table and grinned at Crowley.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” she asked boldly.

“Nina, this is Lilith.  Lilith, this is Nina.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Lilith said shyly.

“And you.”

Nina winked at Crowley as she went back to the counter, and grinned broadly when Maggie came into the shop.

“Fuck. A demon can’t get any privacy in this place,” Crowley grumbled, although he didn’t look that upset.

“Maggie,” he said as soon as the blonde got to the table.  “This is Lilith. Lilith, this is Maggie.  She runs the record shop and is married to Nina.”

“It’s very nice to meet you,” Maggie said quietly, “I’m sure we’ll be great friends.  I hope to see you often.”

She looked meaningfully at the demon. 

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.  Now, get lost.”

Maggie smiled and walked to the counter to speak with Nina.

An instant later, Muriel came running into the shop and made a beeline for Crowley's table.  He didn’t even bother to look impatient.

“This is Muriel.  She’s the angel that runs the bookshop.  Muriel, this is Lilith.”

Muriel beamed at Lilith and pulled up a chair.

“I am so happy to meet you.  Mr. Crowley didn’t get a chance to tell me anything about you, because he was in a terrible hurry to get back to you after we came back from Heaven.  I knew you must be special, and I was right!”

Crowley was glad he was wearing his glasses because Muriel was telling Lilith more than the demon wanted her to know.  He made a show of drinking his whiskey to avoid making eye contact with Lilith.

“Whelp,” he said as he stood up.  “Time to get home.  We have a lot to do.”

“Home?” Muriel asked, curiously.  “Where are you going?”

“For now, we are going to my flat.  After that, I don’t know.  That will depend on several factors.”

He held out his hand and Lilith took it.  She looked around at the other women in the shop, smiled and waved shyly.

“See you later,” Maggie said.

“Goodbye,” Muriel echoed.

When he stepped onto the sidewalk, Crowley snapped his fingers, and the Bentley was parked at the curb.  He opened the door for Lilith, helped her into the vehicle for her first car ride, got in on his side, then drove off.  He did not look at the bookshop, so he didn’t see the angel watching from behind the shade.

They didn’t speak on the way to the flat because Lilith was too overwhelmed by all of the sights, sounds and odors of the city.  She was also terrified and excited to be riding in the car, even though the Bentley made an extra effort to assure that the ride was smooth so Lilith wouldn’t be frightened.  They both let out exaggerated sighs of relief when they finally entered the apartment.  Crowley lifted his hand slightly, and the place was clean and bright and there was a fire in the brand new fireplace.  He led her to an overstuffed chair with a matching ottoman facing the fireplace, and after she was settled, got himself a whiskey and Lilith an herbal tea.

“Here we are,” he said as he sat in the chair beside her.  “Home, sweet home.  For now, at least.  How are you doing?”

“That was a lot!” Lilith said in a breathy voice.  “I know you warned me, but I wasn’t prepared for that.  I met three people!  That’s twice as many as I knew before, if you count demons and angels as ‘people’.”

Crowley frowned at her math, but shrugged.  

“I don’t,” he said, “but I get the gist.  Are you hungry?”

“Not yet.  I could use a nap, though. Is that ok?”

“Absolutely. Do you mind if I join you?”

“To sleep?”

“Yes, to sleep!” Crowley exclaimed, pretending to be outraged.

“I never know with you.”

“Come on.  I’ll show you around, then we’ll take a nap.”

It didn’t take much time for Crowley to show Lilith the apartment.  She was fascinated by the view from the balcony and all of the beautiful, lush plants that grew on it.  She stripped off her new clothes and laid them carefully over a chair and climbed into the king size bed in the cozy bedroom.  Crowley also undressed and joined her.  She scooted over to him and snuggled under his arm and laid her head on his shoulder and draped her arm over his chest.

“Muriel said you rushed back to me.  Is that true?”

“I suppose it was.”

“Because you were worried about me?”

“Yes.”

“Did you miss me?”

Crowley turned his head to look at Lilith.

“Why do you ask?”

“Because I want to know.  Did you miss me?”

“No.”

“Oh,” Lilith whispered, trying not to sound hurt.

“I didn’t have the chance to miss you because I got back to you so quickly, and I was a little preoccupied.  Did you miss me?”

“I did, actually, you big jerk.  I missed you, even though you were hardly gone.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  What did you think?”

“I figured you didn’t have time to miss me because you were busy making your plans for your next love conquest.”

“Next love conquest?”

“Yeah!  You said you were going to find someone to spend your life on Earth with and you didn’t want me skulking around scaring off your prospects.” 

“But you want to be with Aziraphale.  What else am I supposed to do?”

“Here’s the thing,” Crowley said as he wrapped his arms around Lilith's tiny body and drew her closer.  “I was prepared to stay with you forever.  The only part of the equation that’s changed is that it can’t be forever.  Aziraphale and I are immortal.  We’ve known each other 6,000 years, and I’ve waited for him for most of that time.  If he wants me, he can wait.”

“We’ll see.”