Chapter Text
It had been an astoundingly average day for Stede Bonnet. Well, other than the demon he’d met earlier, say nothing of the angel at his side. Honestly, they were so normal-looking that they would have been easy to miss had their conversation been slightly more inconspicuous. Stede had come across them in the pub, arguing rather loudly about some sort of temptation that one of them had to do. It wasn’t immediately clear what either of them was on about, but then Ed had accidentally bumped into the taller, darker one.
“Sorry, mate,” he had said, waving nonchalantly as the man turned around, expression vaguely curious. Stede had stepped forward, announcing that he always bought drinks for the newcomers, (he didn’t), that he knew the barkeep, (he definitely didn’t), and that he would ensure that they receive a warm welcome. (He literally had no power to do so. Stede had never been to this pub in his life). In doing so, he had ended up with two very drunk immortals with extremely loose tongues.
“Okay, it’s like this,” slurred the angel, “we’re meant to be hereditary enemies, right, but instead we help one another. It’s perfect, really.”
Ed took a drag of his own beer, watching the angel carefully, “so, what? You guys have an arrangement for… sinning and blessing?”
Crowley nodded, “pretty much. It keeps our lives less chaotic, anyway.”
Stede smiled, “well, we know a thing or two about arrangements.” He shared a soft look with Ed, and then continued, “it does tend to make everything easier.”
It continued on from there, the giving and receiving of information. Eventually, Aziraphale turned to Crowley, “sober up?” He asked the demon. Crowley nodded, and Stede watched as they both shuddered.
“Ah, that’s better,” Crowley’s voice no longer slurred. “It’s been a while since either of us have drank that much.”
Aziraphale looked at their present company, “well, it’s no wonder,” he said with a smile, “considering we are drinking with pirates.”
Stede put his drink down, “how about you both come back to the boat? We could give you a place to sleep for the night. We’ve tea, as well.”
Crowley wrinkled his nose, “I’d rather rum if it’s all the same.”
Ed nodded. “We’ve got that too.”
Aziraphale smiled fondly, looking up at Crowley. “Well, tea sounds lovely. I don’t suppose staying the evening would hurt.”
Stede grinned like a mad-man. He could sense Ed trying to catch his eye, but he wouldn’t be talked out of this. I mean, he was about to have an actual angel and his demon friend on his boat. That was not an opportunity to be passed up.
“Great! I’ll lead the way.”
A short time later, Stede was sitting in his private quarters. Aziraphale was there too, but he was looking over the pirate’s impressive book collection.
“Have you read all of these?” Aziraphale was not used to speaking to other individuals with a similar passion for reading. Crowley detested books, it was the one thing that Aziraphale could never make him cave on, and between all the pirating and general mischief of the current time, there really was no appreciation for writing.
Stede grinned as he poured out two steaming cups of tea. “Oh, yes. Several times.”
Aziraphale joined him on the couch, taking the cup offered to him. “Thank you,” he said. Then it was just silent.
Stede cleared his throat, “so, how–?”
“--did you meet?” Elsewhere on the ship, Ed and Crowley were sharing the promised bottle of rum. Ed sighed before he answered.
“Well, I saved his life.” He hesitated, “which really means less when you think about the fact that I was meant to murder him and take his ship, but yes, I did save his life.”
Crowley stared at him, “you were meant to kill him? Why didn’t you?”
Ed laughed softly, “I was never much of a killer, and anyway, he was so soft and kind. I couldn’t hurt him. Besides, I was already half in love with him after our first actual conversation.”
Crowley chuckled, taking a long drink before handing the bottle back to Ed. “I know a thing or two about not living up to your perceived image. I mean, I’m supposed to be a demon and my best friend is an angel. That’s not exactly… evil.”
Stede raised a brow. “Best friend? So you guys aren’t,,,?”
Crowley shook his head too quickly. “What? No, no it isn’t like that. It couldn’t be like that.”
“Right,” Ed took a sip, watching Crowley carefully, “of course not.”
Crowley continued. “Okay, maybe sometimes I wonder, but…” He sighed, taking the bottle back, “it’s just not possible.” He took a drink.
Ed said nothing. Lots of times, when you were quiet, people would fill the silence.
He was right. “I mean, we met when I slithered up next to him in Eden and ever since then–” Crowley stopped, seeing how Ed was looking at him. “Ummm…” Crowley leaned away. The blatant hostility in Ed’s eyes left little to the imagination. “Is there a problem?”
Ed stood, putting the bottle next to him. “What the fuck do you mean, slithered ?”
Crowley gaped at him. “I mean… slithered. You know, like a snake.”
Ed stepped back. “You’re a snake?”
Crowley sighed. It was clear that this wasn’t the first time he’d had this conversation. “Yes. The first snake, actually. Why? What does that matter?”
Ed shook his head. “I hate snakes.”
Crowley raised a brow. “Why? I assure you, most of them are more afraid of you than you are of them.”
Ed straightened. “I didn’t say I was afraid of them.”
Crowley sighed as though dealing with a particularly tiresome child. Then, he transformed into his serpentine self, sliding to the floor.
A scream was heard all around the ship. Aziraphale looked up, having been interrupted by the noise.
“Was that mine or yours?” He asked, almost lazily.
Stede frowned, “mine, I think.”
Aziraphale waved his concern away, “I’m sure it’s fine. Crowley hasn’t tortured anyone in centuries, somehow I doubt he’d start again now.”
Stede took a sip of tea, “well, what is it that he does do? Since he doesn’t do normal demon things?”
Aziraphale considered. “Well, he Tempts, which is arguably a normal demon thing. He Tempts people into sin.”
“What kind of sin?” Stede anxiously looked to the wall where Ed was closest.
Aziraphale followed his glance, understanding immediately, “oh, don’t worry,” he poured them both another helping of tea, “he’s off the clock now, he won’t Tempt your boy into anything.”
Stede looked back at Aziraphale. “What is it that you do then? He Tempts, and you…?”
Aziraphale smiled, “I bless. I reward those who are deserving.”
Stede squinted at him. “Is this a blessing?”
Aziraphale frowned, “what, tea? No, my blessings are more elaborate than this.”
Stede shook his head, “no, I mean this opportunity. Getting to speak to you.”
Aziraphale shook his head. “No, I’m off the clock, too. This was pure luck for us both, you could say.”
Stede nodded, accepting this. “What were you two arguing about earlier? When Ed and I happened upon you?”
Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “he wants me to go to Ireland and perform one of his duties for him. Generally, I don’t mind, but Heaven needs me here right now, so I told him I couldn’t go. Then you two interrupted.”
Stede shook his head, trying to understand. “Wait, so you Tempt, too?”
Aziraphale nodded. “Sometimes. He also does my blessings at times. It’s a very neat arrangement.”
“But then there’s no division between you and the demon.”
Aziraphale smiled, “exactly. It would be unnecessary to have one. We are the same, save for the color of our feathers and the darkness of our wit.”
Stede’s eyes widened. “Feathers? You guys actually have wings?”
Aziraphale stood, going to the center of the room. When he got there, he let his wings go, expecting that would suit the situation better than words. “Crowley’s are black.” He said, brandishing his unquestionably white wings.
Stede gaped at him. “Those are–”
“--hideous!” Ed was sitting on the floor now, a very bemused Crowley holding his shoulder. “I hate them because they are terrifying, and the way they move…”
Crowley patted his shoulder awkwardly, “I’m not sure whether or not I should be comforting you considering the fact that you are definitely insulting me, but…” he slid to the floor, eye to eye with Ed. “Look at me,” he said and his voice left no room for argument.
Ed looked up. “What?”
Crowley took his glasses off, revealing serpentine eyes, “snakes won’t hurt you unless you try to hurt them. They’re nothing to be afraid of.”
Ed shuddered, trying to escape, but Crowley was unyielding. “You aren’t afraid of me, are you?”
Slowly, Ed shook his head. “No, not when you’re not a gigantic snake.”
Crowley rolled his eyes. “Technically, I’m just a gigantic snake in a different form, but that’s not my point. I’m not going to hurt you, neither will the rest of the snakes out there.”
“Even though I brutally murdered one?”
Crowley stared at him. “You what?”
“It was looking at me weird!”
Crowley continued to gape at him. “Snakes don’t have facial expressions !”
Ed crossed his arms, defiant. “This one did.”
“I highly doubt it.”
“Just because you’re a demon doesn’t mean you know everything.”
Crowley snorted, “I don’t know everything I never claimed to, but I sure as Heaven know more than you.”
Ed was going to argue with that before he remembered that he was speaking to a demon thousands of years old and perhaps this was a fight he would not win. “Fair enough.” He said instead.
Crowley watched him wearily, “just promise me that you won’t murder any other snakes.”
Ed nodded solemnly, “I will not murder any more snakes.”
“Thank you.”
It was silent for a very long time, and then Crowley broke the quietude. “What do you think they are talking about?”
Ed had been drifting off. “Hm? Who?”
“Our arguably better halves.”
Ed snorted, closing his eyes, “knowing Stede, probably books. If not books, then he’s peppering your angel with questions.”
Crowley frowned, ‘I wouldn’t be so sure, Aziraphale is an extremely curious individual. He’s just as likely to be peppering Stede with questions.”
As it happens, neither of them were correct. Stede had fallen asleep on his couch, It was late and it had been an extremely long day. As he slept, Aziraphale read his Captain’s journal, making the occasional exclamation as he nursed his then-cold tea.
Soon after, Ed fell asleep as well, leaning against the wall. Crowley left him there, but not before he wrote a note for Ed to find in the morning.
Crowley and Aziraphale met in the middle of the ship and without having to say anything, they came to a mutual agreement to get a move on. As soon as they stepped off of the ship, Crowley turned to Aziraphale. “Well, that was illuminating.”
Aziraphale grinned. “Wasn’t it just? Stede is an incredibly interesting fellow. I hope you had just as much fun with Ed.”
Crowley nodded, smiling wryly. It had been weird, but… “Yeah, it was a nice time.”
Aziraphale’s smile faltered. “Well, my dear, it’s time we parted ways too then.”
Crowley looked down, “yeah unless you wanted to accompany me to Ireland?”
“You know I can’t, I would if I–”
Crowley held up a hand. “I know, Angel. No worries.”
Aziraphale stepped closer, not wanting to leave the demon. “Until next time?”
Crowley grinned. “As always, Angel.”
Without thinking about it, Aziraphale surged forward and kissed Crowley’s cheek. Before he could respond, Aziraphale was gone.
Crowley stood there for a few moments trying to process what had just occurred. Then, he was gone too.
Ed awoke in the morning to find the room deserted. No demon. He stood up, stretching his back and wincing at the pain in his neck. He was way too old to be falling asleep against galley walls. As he twisted his neck to the side, a piece of paper caught his eye. He grabbed it, curious.
The only thing that there is to fear is fear itself. Leave the snakes alone.
P.S. Azira would want me to ask you to thank Stede for us, so thank you.
Ed grinned, already walking into Stede’s quarters. They had a lot to discuss.