Chapter Text
It’s almost automatic, the way he performs alongside Rui. He wraps his arms around him, hugged by his embrace to entertain either of their fans. His weight, his scent, his singing - all of it is familiar. He pulls out of the welcoming grasp, spinning outwards to the middle of the stage and performing a quick solo which is followed by his friends joining in on his words. As he glances over, rui once again catches his eyes.
It’s like time never passed between the two friends since that fateful day when Tsukasa had helped Rui pull away from the swallowing wave of isolation and self-hatred. Maybe time never did pass, not for him. Though he didn’t want to think about that memory of seeing somebody he loved so dearly as a friend hate himself enough to try and end the pain by ending everything altogether, he also would have made that choice to save him over and over a million times.
He loved singing; theatre was one of his very many important passions to him. He loved the look on people’s faces when he made them happy when he helped them with other emotions. His sister Saki was one of his biggest fans, and his hers. He had started this all for her, as well as the praise of his parents. Though he never would admit he sought attention from the ones he knew loved him dearly.
He had nailed every one of his dance moves, notes, and even body language. Though sometimes Rui or Nene didn’t get as excentric on stage as he did, he always went all out as much as he could to contain a bunch of energy to always be over the top with his moves. The song had just ended and he was too caught up in thinking about how to congratulate his fellow singers on their amazing job well done in their song; he hadn’t noticed they were doing the curtain call for the end of their show. He tried to see if there was any room for him to sneak in quickly, but props blocked him.
He was worried about running a show, causing a panic, how could a future world star not be visible during the bows? But as he was taught, the show carried on. In sync the three bowed together, using their hands to show gratitude to the conductor, lights, and pit. He stood behind his friends, in the shadows and not visible to his so-called world. He watched as everyone continued to cheer, expecting at least maybe a few people to ask about him, but nobody noticed.
He was a bit dumbfounded, to say the least. Was it really that nobody had noticed that he wasn’t at curtain call? Surely it was an overreaction by him, that's why he couldn’t get emotional over something silly like this. Every star made mistakes. Surely it wouldn’t affect him becoming a future world star. He followed behind his friends to the dressing room after the show was over, not bothering to stand in hallways and say hello to fans or sign autographs as he usually did.
Taking off his stage makeup he rubbed it off all onto a makeup wipe, the wipe sudding up on his face forming from being used in a circular motion against his skin. He didn’t usually wear makeup on a daily basis, but being on stage with the lighting made it hard to see your face without any on. Think of it as having to make each part of your face stand out more for others far away to see. He and Rui shared a dressing room; Emu and Nene with their own because of opposite genders. Not that the boys or girls minded it though, both got along with their dressing room partner easily. Rui would usually run dance ideas by Tsukasa in the dressing room. Rui would plan dances ahead of time, but he liked to add add-on’s last minute to make it interesting.
It was silent between the two, going against their usual after-show habits. Rui had noticed Tsukasa in deep thought, which, worried him. Tsukasa was never truly in a deep thought besides when he was worrying about trying to make a show better. “Did something happen, Tsukasa-kun?” Tsukasa’s head perked up when he suddenly broke the silence, smiling at Rui. “Did you see when I missed the curtain call?” He started, now frowning, “I don’t think anybody noticed.”
Rui chuckled, raising an eyebrow now, “Wouldn’t that be a good thing? For nobody out of a bunch of people to realize you messed up on something?” It seemed like a simple lucky accident when Rui put it like that, but it still stuck with Tsukasa, even when he was overreacting over an accident. “Never mind, you're right.”
Tsukasa went back to getting back into his regular clothes and getting ready to leave, pulling his hair out of the ponytail and putting it behind his head. He threw his bag over his shoulder, filled with his school items and music binder. Rui had noticed how Tsukasa still seemed worried about it and sighed. “Tsukasa, stop.” Rui pinched the bridge of his nose, frowning now as well. “You know you always can talk to me,” he removed his hand from his nose, “Right?” “Of course I do!” “Alright then, have a nice night. See you at practice tomorrow.”
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It’s cold in Tsukasa’s house, seeing as nobody’s home to turn up the temperature. He left his bag on the counter island, glancing at the fridge. He knew it was good to eat after shows, seeing he would skip meals before them to prevent getting sick on stage or anything else that could be caused by food and then moving and singing around. He passed by Saki’s room and then went into his own, not bothering to tell his sister how the show went.
Scrolling through a social media website, he was checking on any news about his latest show. So far he has seen lots of positive reviews, but not any pictures people have been taking of the actual show besides the audience’s selfies. When he did come across one post, the title read, ‘Bright futures for those in the latest performance done by the group Wonderland x Showtime’. He scrolled down to see the pictures attached, but the only two were pictures of Rui twirling Nene and then the dreaded curtain call.
Maybe nobody noticed his mistake, but it still hurt him to realize that nobody cared enough to point out the fact he didn’t appear at the end. Everyone is supposed to notice when a star disappears, fanbases, fans, ‘stans’, there was somebody that always cared about a star. So why was it that nobody seemed to notice him? Was it the fact he wasn’t good enough yet to be a star? Perhaps he isn’t worthy of becoming a star yet.
“I just need a little more time, Saki..” He mumbled to himself, shutting off his phone and setting it on his nightstand. As he lay there he couldn’t stop thinking about the show, or even all of his shows. He tried his best, so why didn’t he seem to have people who thought of him of a person worthy to become a star?
“I just need to work harder.”