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One of their most vivid memories–what was left of their memory after the infection, at least–Was something that they felt shouldn’t have been as important as it is now.
It wasn’t important in the typical sense. It was no harrowing climb from the abyss, nor was it any “eternal” imprisonment in the Black Egg Temple. It still changed them permanently. Physically.
Everything in the palace shone a brilliant white. The lack of color was not something they paid any mind to in the past; in fact, it was comforting. Even the White Lady’s garlands and vines were a silvery grey, distinctly different from the deep sage greens when she would bring them to her gardens. They remembered the way the tiled floor below reflected their gaze back at them, the slow clacks of their shell hitting the ground as they walked towards their father–
Their king, they corrected.
The floor was frigid on their knee when they knelt before him.
Even with their gaze cast down, they could feel the stares of the dreamers behind them. Their blade, a nail of pale ore gilded and embellished with delicate filigree, was tapped on each shoulder before officially being bestowed upon them.
And then there was the armor.
There were no vows on their part–They could not speak. What would be the point of asking them to swear an oath when, for all intents and purposes, they were–maybe even still are–a thing?
The weight was the first thing they noticed. The reflection cast on the floor acted as a mirror, showing them the unwieldy shoulder pads, restricting the movement of their arms from how needlessly large they were. Heavy. This was ornamental armor, not to be used in actual combat.
They wanted to touch the loops on their shoulders curiously, but resigned themself to stillness, only looking up at the Pale King when asked.
There was a smile in his eyes. He was proud.
They would wear the armor as long as they needed to. As long as he was proud.
—
“Hollow,” Hornet spoke.
They turned their head slowly to look at her. Her voice startled them out of their thoughts, though years of practice and survival instincts prevented them from showing anything but neutrality.
Her stoic voice (which was usually stern) turned soft, “Are you alright?”
They nodded slowly. Taking in their surroundings, they realized that they were in the vacant house that Hornet had claimed in Dirtmouth. (To put it more accurately, Hornet had “temporarily” claimed the house with their sibling in order to help them heal after their ordeal in the Black Egg Temple.)
She pressed a hand against their back, pushing in an attempt to straighten them. “As long as I’ve known you, you’ve never stood straight. I know it’s not an issue with your kind, your sibling does a much better job at keeping the correct posture. You’ll harm yourself if you put no effort into fixing that terrible habit.”
Hornet gestured towards their other sibling–Hornet called them “Little Ghost”–who lay sleeping beside them.
Hollow stared blankly at Hornet. Here they were called “Hollow”, an abbreviation for their full title. The name made them feel distinctly bad; it was a reminder of the one thing they were thought to be, had to be, yet wasn’t. Still, they figured that there was no other name that Hornet could call them. They didn’t even know what they wanted to be called.
The shell where the hand was on their back, forcing them to stand straight, began to ache. Ever since their freedom of the infection, there was always a prominent ache everywhere. Besides their missing arm, their back is the spot that is particularly painful–A dull ache at best, and a sharp stab of a knife at worst.
Hornet’s eyes narrowed, trying to analyze their face.
“Am I hurting you?”
They gave her another unhurried nod. Hornet’s hand was immediately removed, and the pain on their back subsided.
Her eyes glared in annoyance, and Hollow almost preferred the pain on their back.
“We have talked about this, you need to tell me your concerns. How will I help you otherwise? Are you still hurting? Your back would be better if you didn’t slouch all the time, you know. Did the Pale King never teach you proper posture?”
They felt numb.
“Hollow?”
—
It was dark, cold, and damp in the Black Egg Temple.
They finally understood the purpose of the hoops on their shoulder pads; The chains binding them looped through, suspending them from the air. They bore the weight of the armor quite a while before they were finally locked away. It was almost a relief on their back, the pressure on their shoulders lifted slightly as they hung.
It was still not comfortable in the slightest.
The Radiance stirred inside their forehead, and they focused the void inside of themself to keep her contained. They knew all along, they lacked that crucial emptiness they were supposed to have. The guilt was always there deep inside of them. The fact that they tricked their kingdom, their father, all for the sake of measly survival–
They saw a flash of orange.
Focus.
Do not think, do not speak, do not hope.
Do not feel.
...
It was going to be a long eternity.
—
There were still times, even after their freedom from the Temple, where Hollow felt like their body wasn’t their own.
It was different from their body being the host of a god. It was like they were behind their eyes, watching themself behind their mask. Sometimes they completely zoned out, not coming back to the present for quite a while.
It seems like this is what ended up happening. First they smelled the dampness of the room, then they heard the drips of water from the cave ceiling. Then the sensation came back to them–Hollow felt hot water surrounding them, warm steam leaving condensation on their mask. They were laying down, their head on Hornet’s lap as she sat behind them, her hands massaging the center of their mask.
She seemed to recognize the lucidity in their eyes, because she spoke to them,
“Do not thank me. Little Ghost thought it smart to bring you to the hot springs.”
Ghost’s eyes gazed up at them, and Hollow glanced down, signing a simple thank you. It was hard for them to catch on to sign language, especially with only one hand and an almost inability to perform facial expressions, but they still made an effort when they remembered that it was a tool of communication available to them.
Hollow’s head tilted, and Hornet seemed to guess their question, “You weren’t away for too long. We walked you over, it was really no trouble at all.”
They relaxed into Hornet’s touch. Ghost signed something to Hornet that they didn’t quite catch (They were not used to seeing them sign. Even though Ghost caught on to the lessons quickly, it seemed that they enjoyed leaving others to question what goes on in their mind).
“How is your back feeling?” Hornet translated, and Hollow finally noticed that the pain was only a dull ache, soothed by the heat of the water.
Good, they signed, unsure of how to sign ‘it’s better than normal’.
“That’s a relief. I’m sorry for losing my temper. It is just that you confuse me, Hollow. Ghost communicates when they need to, and I feel as though you should too. The whole reason I am staying is to help you recover. I cannot do that if you keep leaving me in the dark.”
Silence. Hornet took that as a sign to continue.
“I don’t understand these episodes of yours, along with these lapses of memory. It is like your mind gets buried away, but your body is still present.”
She sighs in frustration, and Hollow feels a pang of guilt. “I am no healer. Perhaps Ghost can help me find one. You should relax for now. Let the water heal what it can.”
They nodded gently, already dozing off. Small hands touched one of their knees, and Hollow saw the little ghost’s face looking back up at them, their expression as unreadable as their own.
They drifted off.
—
Those black, soulless eyes gazed at them at the edge of the platform they stood on. Their sibling gripped on for dear life, and they knew they had no choice but to turn and abandon them, lest the Pale King throw them both down.
Those eyes haunted them, found them in every slumber for years to come. A betrayal of the highest order, they thought to themself.
The armor on their back was heavy.
This was something that was heavier.
—
When they came to, they felt soft cloths drying the water from their shell. Hornet focused on their head, while Ghost did their best to help dry their back. Hornet passed the cloths to them so that they could do it themself.
“We should head back.”
They rose slowly in agreement once they were dry. Hollow glanced at their sibling before looking away.
There was a heaviness in their chest. Their missing arm would never grow back, no amount of fixing their posture would heal the damage done to their back–and maybe they deserved it. It was a sort of cosmic justice, they supposed, for all they had done to lay their kingdom to waste. For all that they had done to their own sibling.
Just as they turned to be on their way, the small hand of Ghost rested on their hand to get their attention. Hollow stared back.
“Hm?”
Ghost signed nothing, and Hollow got the terrifying sensation that Ghost knew exactly what they dreamt about. Together they both stood still. For Hollow it was out of fear–they could only guess what the little ghost was thinking. They searched for some sort of explanation on their face.
And, finally, Hollow saw something in Ghost’s eyes. They couldn’t find the right word for it, but they knew what it meant. Sympathy. Understanding. Forgiveness.
Let us help you.
“Is something the matter?”
And Hollow, as much as they didn’t want to, felt their head slowly creak up and down into a reluctant nod. They felt that they didn’t deserve it. They probably never would. The burden on them was a large cross to bear, and even after the death of the Radiance, they still couldn’t feel rid of the weight.
There was a lot to work on. Too much to work on. But if I continue to let myself be punished, Hollow realized, I will never get better.
“What exactly- What is happening right now. What are you two doing. Hello?”
The little ghost gave them a pat before stalking off. Hollow limped after them. They were slow, but the length of their legs and long strides helped them keep up. Hornet sighed in frustration.
“I will never understand you two.”