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Eda had been acting weird lately.
She’d been spacing out more often than usual, her pranks were fewer and farther in between, and whenever she was with Raine, she acted startlingly more shy and nervous. Additionally, it seemed that every spare second she had was spent with Raine. Lilith wasn’t sure what had happened to cause such a change in character for her, but her curiosity propelled her to get to the bottom of it. Had her sister been bitten by a crunkwap at some point and was hiding her purple rashes somehow? Was she being slowly taken over by an evil spirit?
Or had something else happened that had made her sister act this way?
Lilith confronted her about it when they were walking home from school one day, when Raine had been picked up early by their parents and it was just the two of them.
“Edalyn, are you doing alright?” she asked. No point in dodging the question.
Eda shot her a confused look. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why, are you worried about me after the epic prank I pulled on Principal Faust? Cause-“
“No, it’s not that,” Lilith interrupted, subconsciously furrowing her eyebrows as she tried to find the wording for what she was trying to ask. “You’ve been acting different lately, and I’m just making sure nothing happened to you.”
“Different?” Eda scrunched up her nose as she thought. “Different how?”
“You’ve been a lot more distracted lately. I’ve caught you spacing out ten times this week at least! And you haven’t been up to your usual shenanigans as frequently, either. You also act really shy when you’re around Raine, which isn’t like you at all,” Lilith listed.
“Oh.” When she looked over to her sister again, Lilith saw that she was blushing. In the fourteen years her sister had been alive, she’d never seen her blush like that before. “Yeah. Okay, uh, I was meaning to tell you this in another way, but I guess there’s no time like the present, so…” She paused as if to steel herself. “I…may have a tiny crush on Raine.”
The confession caught Lilith wholly off-guard. She knew Eda had dated people before, but they had been short, and Eda had never seemed all that interested in them. Hearing that Eda had romantic feelings for someone, especially someone they were both friends with, was jarring. Because while Lilith knew that many of her peers were engaging in romantic and sexual relationships by now, it had never been a big part of her own life. Hearing that someone she was close to wanted to engage in them as well startled her.
Although, now that she was thinking about it, Eda having a crush did explain a lot of her recent tendencies. Her nervous attitude around them made a lot more sense now, as well as her daydreaming. She wasn’t being possessed or infected—she just had a crush.
“O-oh,” she stammered, attempting to recover enough to speak. “Er- that’s great!”
Hearing the hesitation in her voice, Eda rushed, “I-I know it’s weird, and it complicates our friendship, which is why I haven’t really told anyone about it or anything, but I’ve tried getting rid of it and it didn’t work, so for now I’m kinda stuck with it. And since you asked, I thought I might as well tell you about it.”
“No, um, it’s great! I’m glad you told me. I just didn’t really…expect it, I guess?” Understatement of the century .
Eda laughed, nervous. “Well, yeah. It was pretty unexpected for me too.“
They kept walking in tense silence down the path to their house, neither knowing what to say to keep the conversation going. Eventually Eda changed the subject to something else, and Lilith followed along with it, contributing to the discussion here and there, but her mind still lingered on their previous conversation.
Why did she feel so weird about Eda having a crush?
The next day at school arrived, and with Eda’s confession still stuck in her mind, Lilith started seeing everything in a new light. She was hyperaware of every couple she saw, every person she noticed staring dreamily or blushing at someone else, every group she overheard talking about crushes or hot people. She couldn’t believe she’d never realized how potent it was, now that she’d started to pay attention to it. It seemed like everyone was interested in it, talking about it, and participating in it except for her.
“Hey, Lily!”
Oh, and of course there was that, too.
Eda ran up to her, grinning and punching her on the arm like usual. Raine was beside her, shaking their head with a fond smile on their face. Both of them oblivious to Lilith’s mini-crisis.
“H-hey, Eda,” Lilith replied, dazed. “Hello, Raine.”
“You’ll never guess what happened during first period,” Eda said. “We were graffitiing on some lockers near the healing homeroom, and Raine-“ she snickered, elbowing them- “messed up. And we’d already hexed it so it couldn’t be removed, so now there’s a permanent record of it!”
Raine swatted at her, glaring playfully. “Well you don’t have to rub it in! When I said I wanted to leave a mark on this place, that is not what I meant.”
Eda laughed, snorting. “I know, that’s why it’s so funny.” Lilith knew she was trying to tease them, but her eyes betrayed her true feelings, brimming with affection and looking for just a bit too long. Lilith couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed Eda’s crush before; looking at her now, it felt glaringly obvious.
And seeing Raine’s eyes fill with that same affection when they looked at her, and how they seemed to gravitate towards her like they were being pulled in by a magnet, she didn’t think it was as unrequited as Eda had assumed.
“Eda, do you know how long that’ll take to remove?” Lilith scolded, breaking the other two out of their stupor. “If you want to join the Emperor’s Coven, you can’t keep breaking the rules like that. We’ll need to set an example for other witches and demons.”
Eda’s grin wavered for a split-second before morphing into a scoff. “Yeah, well, until then I can do whatever I want. Right, Raine?” She nudged their shoulder.
“I’m not getting involved in this,” Raine stated, an amused glint in their eye.
“Psh. You’re no fun,” Eda complained. “What happened to the brave witch who was graffitiing lockers with me earlier?”
Raine stared her down, the corner of their mouth twitching as if resisting a smile. “They’re gone.”
As the two bantered, Lilith wondered if they’d forgotten about her completely. They seemed to be wrapped up in their own little world, unaware of her presence. As entertaining as it was to watch, she hated the feeling rising in her chest that came from being ignored: it was tight and heavy and overwhelming, and suddenly Lilith felt a lump her throat and her eyes water, telltale signs that she was about to cry.
She mumbled an excuse to her friends about needing to use the restroom and hurried off, walking fast with her head lowered to avoid suspicion. Neither of them followed her; of course they didn’t. She wondered if they’d even noticed she had gone missing.
The thought only made the lump in her throat grow and the water behind her eyes press harder to be released, and she sped up, praying she wouldn’t have a meltdown in the middle of the hallway.
She couldn’t reach the bathroom soon enough. As soon as she entered a stall and locked the door, the tears fell freely down her face. She slid down the wall to the floor, wrapping her arms around her legs and crying into her knees, ignoring the strain in the back of her neck from doing so. Thoughts rushed through her mind like water in a river: they’re going to leave me behind for each other. Why am I constantly being ignored? Am I that insignificant? First mother, now Eda, too. Why is everyone falling in love except for me? Why does everyone want romance except for me? Is there something wrong with me? I must be broken.
She wasn’t sure how long she stayed there, crying in the bathroom. All she knew was that eventually her tears stopped. She wiped her eyes. Saw her reflection in her glasses (she looked as broken as she felt). Did illusion magic to cover up her puffy red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, and although she wasn’t as well-versed in illusion magic as Eda was, it did the trick. And went to her next class—extreme potions, ignoring the still-present ache in her chest and the fact that she’d accidentally skipped a class (she got scolded by mother after school for skipping, and it only made her feel worse, knowing Eda had skipped beastkeeping earlier that day for her prank and gotten off scot-free). Everything was normal.
Except it wasn’t.
- • •
It all reared its head at the Emperor’s Coven tryouts.
Only one of them was allowed in, and Lilith knew Eda would be able to beat her—she worked hard, but her sister had a natural talent at magic, and she was stronger, too. There was no way she’d be able to win by herself, and she couldn’t let herself be overshadowed by Eda again. So, in a moment of desperation and weakness, Lilith went to the Night Market and found a spell that would take Eda’s powers away for a day.
She hadn’t anticipated Eda’s refusal to fight in the slightest. It was noble, of course, but it meant that the spell she’d cast upon her had been for nothing.
Yet again, Eda proved herself to be better than Lilith—this time, as a person.
- • •
Not a day went by where Lilith didn’t blame herself for her sister’s curse.
She watched, petrified with guilt and regret as Eda struggled to contain it, control it so she could go back to her normal life. As much as she regretted her actions, she was also terrified of what Eda would say when she found out it was Lilith’s fault. Would she even be able to look at her anymore? And what about mother and father? Lilith had worked so hard to impress mother, to catch even a moment of her attention her entire life, and now, with the curse, Eda was monopolizing even more of her time and attention than before. What would she say when she found out Lilith had been the one to cause all of this pain and suffering to her favourite child? Meanwhile, father was the only one on her side, and that would surely change if she told him about what she’d done. She could be ignored for the rest of her life, treated as nothing more than a wandering spirit by her own family, and it would be entirely deserved.
So she stayed quiet.
But it killed her, having to live with her guilt with no one to talk to about it. She and Eda still hung out together, but Lilith found herself avoiding her sister’s eyes so she wouldn’t see the acid thunderstorm of pain, guilt, and hatred that lay dormant within them. She stayed friends with Eda and Raine, but she no longer felt like she could enjoy spending time with them without spiralling into self-deprecation. She wanted to hold on to them—and for them to hold on to her—more than anything, but she felt like she didn’t deserve it anymore. Who was she to curse her sister, lie to her about it, and still think she deserved her friendship?
It got worse when Eda and Raine announced they were dating, two months or so after the coven tryouts. They started spending more and more time together, and with training for the Emperor’s Coven taking up heaps of Lilith’s time and energy, suddenly she found that she was barely seeing them anymore. But it was fine. She didn’t deserve their attention anyway. She was fine.
A small mercy was the fact that dating in the Emperor’s Coven was strictly prohibited so they could focus on their work. It allowed Lilith to forget, at least for a while, about how much she didn’t fit in. In the Emperor’s Coven, she wasn’t supposed to do anything except for work hard and dedicate herself to Emperor Belos and the Titan’s will, which for her, was easy. What else did she have— who else did she have—to give herself to?
Years passed. Lilith rose to the top, slowly but surely gaining the Emperor’s trust. She moved into the castle when she had proved herself worthy. She started dyeing and straightening her hair and wearing contacts to make her look more professional, watching from afar as Eda grew, and with her, the curse. Soon enough, word of her condition spread and she started being known as the Owl Lady. True to what she’d said on that fateful day, Eda did not join a coven, and her covenless status soon reached the ears of Emperor Belos.
The Emperor instructed Lilith to capture her sister and, fearing the consequences of angering him, she obeyed.
- • •
Twenty-eight years.
That’s how long Lilith had served at the Emperor’s Coven before she had thrown it all away.
It was freeing, in some sense. For the first time since she was sixteen years old, her body didn’t ache from bruises and scars from battle, she could sleep in as late as she wanted, and she wasn’t constantly operating under the watchful eye of someone who had the power to strip her of her entire life. Her sister’s home (The Owl House, she called it) was chaotic, cozy, and disorganized—the complete opposite of the Emperor’s Coven. She woke up every day to the sun peeking out from behind the horizon, usually before anyone else (because while she could sleep in now, her body refused to cooperate, ingrained with the schedule of waking up at six AM sharp), and when breakfast came it was with chatter, sunlight, and the sounds of dishes clinking against cutlery. She joined her sister, albeit a bit awkwardly, in hunting for food and completing odd jobs for extra snails. It was a strange and sudden adjustment, of course, but a positive one nonetheless.
She quickly discovered that although the weird bird worm—Hootsifer, as she’d nicknamed him—seemed aggravating at first, he was actually quite lovely company. Eda’s kids, as well, were friendly and welcoming despite knowing what she had done to them and their mother. They were charming.
Lilith knew none of them forgave her for everything yet, but that was alright. In the meantime, she was just thankful they were tolerating her enough to be kind.
- • •
Living with mother again was simultaneously just like she remembered, and nothing like it.
The house was much quieter now, without Eda. Father had long since retired his palisman carving, but he had learned how to grow them from seeds, and mother was still practicing her beastkeeping magic. The house had barely changed—Lilith noticed a couple new pictures hung on the walls of Eda as an adult and mother and father in what looked like the Knee, but other than that, it looked identical, and it still carried the familiar smell of palistrom wood and mother’s goreberry perfume.
Lilith helped with chores around the house such as paperwork, grocery shopping, and cooking, and spent her spare time diving into research, history, reading, and other hobbies that interested her, even applying for a job at a local museum. She loved going on walks out in the forest, experiencing nature she’d been deprived of during her time at the Emperor’s Coven (although she tried to keep her face hidden so she couldn’t be easily recognized and reported). She embraced her newfound freedom: stopped straightening her hair, removed her contacts in favour of glasses, and dressing the way she wanted to, bit by bit taking back her independence. It amazed and saddened her, how much of her life she’d missed out on in the coven.
Mother was another change—she went out of her way to shower Lilith with attention and love, asking how she was doing or complimenting her on her yard work or giving her a hug before bed. It brought out her inner child, her neediness to be seen and touched and loved by her parents. Twice she found herself sobbing in the wake of her mother’s touch, her emotions overwhelming her from finally getting what she’d craved for her entire life. It was embarrassing, and she tried to suppress it, but her mother just softened, holding her in her arms and whispering reassurances until she calmed down.
With her extra time, she also had more time to think. After Hooty’s letter about his adventures with Eda, King, Luz, and Amity, it brought Lilith’s attention back to a topic she hadn’t thought about since she’d left school: romance. Specifically, why she wasn’t as interested in it as everyone else seemed to be. She pondered this as she wrote back to Hooty, remembering the witch that had given her a bouquet of spiders a few days prior. She had appreciated the gesture and the bouquet, of course, but she hadn’t felt any desire to be in a romantic relationship with her, so she’d tried her best to let her down easily. However, seeing how interested everyone in her life was with it once again raised the question of why she didn’t feel that same interest. She’d look into it further, Lilith decided, to see if there was anything akin to what she was experiencing in her books. Maybe there were other people out there like her.
But I…am not so interested, she wrote. I don’t think I ever have been.
- • •
Life after the Day of Unity and the Collector’s brief terrorization of the Isles was shockingly normal.
Lilith went from reviewing plans with the CATTs to living in a hidden room with Eda to relative normalcy. It took a long time to rebuild, of course, and an equally long time to get used to the new way of living, but once she got through the initial whiplash, Lilith found it quite nice. She helped Eda, Darius, Raine and some others organize the new government, and worked with Hooty to design a new museum in Bonesborough.
After the University of Wild Magic was constructed, she checked in to it fairly regularly to keep up with Eda, King, Luz, and the others. It was a wonderful place, and she loved to watch how it grew, with more students and teachers joining each passing year. Additionally, it was fascinating to see how Eda adapted to being headmaster of the school—a role she would never have imagined her sister in, but one that fit her perfectly. She often liked to tease Eda about how she’d gone from hating school to running one.
Even with all of the projects she’d immersed herself in, Lilith still had plenty of time for introspection. It took time, but with some help from Eda and Luz, she eventually learned how to communicate with her raven beast and switch into her harpy form on command. As challenging as it was to get there, the payoff was immensely satisfying and rewarding.
Another result of her excess time came after a couple of months, when she revisited the idea of researching to see if there were people like her who weren’t interested in romance. After scouring the library with help from Amity, she found records of witches and demons who didn’t fall in love, and didn’t want to have sex with anyone (which, in all honesty, Lilith had thought was exaggerated until then). When the topic was brought up, Luz used the words aromantic and asexual, or aro-ace for short, explaining that some humans used labels for what they called their ‘sexualities’. It gave her an unbelievable sense of relief and joy, knowing she wasn’t broken or alone in her feelings. She hadn’t realized how much it had weighed down on her, or for how long, before then; the discovery gave her a major confidence boost, and she carried herself with noticeably more pride than before. And with her haircut and new style, Lilith felt like she was really growing into herself.
She’d had most of her life and her personality ripped away from her for almost thirty years. It was about time she took it back.