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She didn’t understand when it began.
Darkness creeped in every corner of her vision, she could hear a whispered lullaby and sometimes some muffled screams. A feeling of dread overcame her with every scream.
She didn’t understand these nightmares.
She couldn’t figure out where she was.
Sometimes it was all darkness and no sound. She didn’t know if that was better.
Sometimes she was inside a closet where some light could come through, while the sound of shattering glass could be heard outside.
After waking up, Shin Yoosung went to her sponsor’s room and slept beside him. Then he would wake up and embrace her. Comforting her and wiping her tears while ruffling her head. She would fall asleep to the sound of a lullaby.
She didn’t understand it, she couldn’t understand why she could feel their sadness and their loneliness.
In her opinion, it was too cruel of her mind to create those nightmares, especially when waking up wouldn’t make them disappear, or better said, forgotten.
Each week she had a nightmare, and Kim Dokja would be there to comfort her.
One night he asked, “Would you like to read something?” He showed a book he had on the nightstand.
“Does ahjussi like to read to fall asleep?”
“I prefer to read it for comfort. Books have always been there for me. The only thing I would do is read, it would make me feel better.”
He looked at her with fond eyes and continued, “A story can help you survive. And in your case, it might help you survive your nightmares.”
She grabbed the book. In his 3 years disappearance, Sangah-Unnie had given her some books to read, she really liked them. Even if in the beginning it was difficult.
But if she could have one thing in common with hersponsor, then maybe their connection could work better.
Maybe she could find out where he was if he disappeared.
Maybe she could find out if he was alive any time.
If he was reading somewhere in this universe, and she was reading at the same time, then maybe the universe would be kind enough to inform them that the other was reading too.
She opened the book, the title was Maame.
She started reading and continued reading till she fell asleep.
By the next morning, the pain of the dream was almost completely gone.
She continued reading it. She continued to go to her ahjussi’s bed. She read the book, sometimes she read it with him, sometimes he read it for her.
———
The dreams started getting clearer, she could see a man, she could understand that the man was being aggressive and that the shattering glass was because of him.
She could feel the trembling of the person who was seeing this, not only could she feel the fear, she could hear the frantic breathing of that person.
She managed to see a woman in front of the man, she couldn’t distinguish what was happening, but she understood, like a deeply hidden memory, that that man was doing something horrible to her.
The way she was thinking of the situation seemed to be her own thoughts blended with someone else’s.
She woke up in cold sweat, breathing frantically and ran to her Ahjussi's bed.
He hugged her for a while till she calmed down, or at least when she was calmer. He decided to continue reading the book, she heard him till her eyelids closed.
He closed the book and tucked her in bed. He looked at her with his sad smile and embraced her for the rest of the night.
----
“Why are you going to that ugly Ahjusshi’s room? Didn’t you say you grew up?”
Lee Jihye looked at her with a smirk.
“I..have nightmares lately… “
“Are they new ones Yoosung-ah?”
She looked down and said “Yes, I don’t exactly know what happens in them but they appear everyday.”
“They’re not affecting you right?” She leaned down to her eye level, “You can always talk about it to me, I also had them, I can help you with it.”
Shin Yoosung looked her in the eyes and answered, “Maybe I’ll talk to you later unnie.”
Lee Jihye sighed, stood up and left to where her Master was.
———
As time went on, her dreams got vivid enough to understand that the person who was always with her in the nightmare was her ahjussi’s mom.
She decided to ask her about it, since she appeared in it.
“Why are you dreaming about these, child?” She has a concerned face.
“I don’t know, it started some weeks ago.”
“...I’ll talk to him.”
When they both started talking, she decided to watch from the small opening of the door. She couldn’t hear what they were saying.
Ahjussi had his characteristic smirk on his face while talking to her, it seems their relationship had gotten better. She doesn’t know when, but that was great, she hated the longing expression on his mother's face each time she saw him.
His mother’s expression was...strange. She couldn’t understand why her eyes looked like she was looking at a stranger with her eyebrows a little furrowed.
Her eyes widened for a moment as she opened her mouth, Shin Yoosung couldn’t hear even a murmur, she supposed ahjussi‘s mom didn’t say anything and closed it again. She shut her eyes strongly and sighed.
Her last expression looked like pity. Then she left.
The beast tamer got away from the door as fast as she could. When ahjussi’s mother saw her, she only gave her a smile and continued on her way. That smile...reminded her of her ahjussi, when he was planning to sacrifice himself...again.
Right after her sponsor got out, he gave her a reassuring smile, but a hint of that misfortuned smile. She felt something in the connection, but before she could pinpoint what it was it disappeared as fast as it came.
———
She had to ask Kim Dokja about it, she must ask him what this is.
[ The exclusive skill ‘Reading Comprehension’ has been acquired!]
She didn’t understand whether it came from reading books with her ahjussi or something like that. In any case, it didn’t make sense.
She read so much with Sangah unnie that if she had to obtain the skill it must have been with her before. Not right now.
But when she asked, all she got was, “It’s a good thing, have you tried using it?”
And even when she insisted that it wasn’t normal he replied, “It’s probably the sponsor-incarnation connection, I have that skill so you managed to develop it too after I came.”
In a way, it made sense, but it was strange that it didn’t come in the form of a stigma.
She didn’t comment that night the way his eyes took longer to read the pages of the book. How it seemed she was faster then him when he always did it in less time.
———
By the span of three weeks, she managed to finish the book. She could have done it in less time if she had the ability earlier, or if she read for more hours.
But it didn’t matter, she finally did it. She was a little sad since this was the first book she read with him but it was fine, they would probably share other books later.
“Shin Yoosung.”
“Yes?”
He smiled warmly, “Would you like to read it again?”
She tilted her head and looked at him in confusion.
He looked to the side with a nostalgic look, “This is something I’ve been taught, in a way, it was more useful for me than I expected.” He turned back to her, “And I would like to teach it to you.”
He grabbed the book and flipped the yellowish pages from the end back to the beginning.
She grabbed it and started reading, she managed to reach page 20 before falling asleep on his lap.
———
A couple of days later, she was again in the dream. It began the same way, screaming, the sound of broken glass, a trembling boy tearing saying under his breath I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…
She wanted to comfort the boy, but the only thing she could do was see through his eyes.
Everything went like the rest of nightmares, till the boy with trembling legs stood up clumsily, he was grabbing his shirt with his hand and approached the kitchen counter. The drunk man was distracted with the mother.
He shakinly grabbed the knife and pointed it towards the man. The latter one stepped closer, the mother desperately grabbing him for dear life. He tried to hit the boy, but stumbled on himself and fell towards him.
His eyes shook, understanding of what was happening, he looked directly at the boy. Shin Yoosung could see in the reflection the boy, the face was a little fussy at the beginning, but when she managed to recognise him, her eyes widened in surprise and realization hit as she understood why her ahjussi’s mom was in the dream. This was her sponsor. The reflection of her father figure in that man’s eyes, bruised cheeks, uncared hair and shocked eyes filled with tears, it made her heart ache. She felt dumb, of course it would be him, who else could it be.
His mother took the knife from him and with a smile that mirrors his own sacrificial smiles she said, “Dokja. From now on, I will read all of this again“
When she opened her eyes she was sweating, the bed being damp because of it.
She rushed to his room and almost took down his door. He jolted awake and asked what happened. She didn’t say anything and just jumped on him. She hugged him tiddly and mumbled under her breath, “Are you showing me this?”
He looked at her with a conflicted face, “I don’t want to, I'm sorry.”
“I’m...glad, I’m glad you’re showing me it.” She had tears in her eyes, it was cruel to see that but if this was the only way she could understand him better then she would gladly continue watching his story. He doesn’t talk much about his past, and what his mother said during his absence wasn't a lot. One could say that they’re both as secretive about their past as the other.
“You shouldn’t.”
But I am.
She didn’t say it but they both felt it, which was enough. He patted her head while she was grabbing his other arm.
Neither said anything for the rest of the night.
———
During that week, she normally grabbed his sleeve or his hand or hugged his thigh. Sometimes he patted her head, sometimes he grabbed her shoulder, sometimes he grabbed her head and made her rest on his shoulder.
Almost everyone looked with curiosity over why they suddenly began being more affectionate with each other. They understood Shin Yoosung but some felt a strange urge to lock someone because Kim Dokja did it.
The one to ask the obviously suicidal person was Jung Heewon, “What are you planning?”
He looked up from where Shin Yoosung was resting, “Why are you asking?”
She grabbed a bottle of pills and her sword.
“Ho-hold up!” He raised his hand and shaked them,”I’m not planning anything weird.”
She furrowed her eyebrows, not moving to retrieve neither the sword nor the pills.
[ The character ‘Jung Heewon’ has activated ‘Lie Detection Lv.???]
[The character Jung Heewon has confirmed that the statement is false]
She glared at him, “What are you planning?”
“I'm trying to give her more of my skills. By doing things with her and by spending time with her.” He dropped his hands, “The next scenarios will be more dangerous, and she will fight.”
She didn’t look that convinced.
[ The character ‘Jung Heewon’ has activated ‘Lie Detection Lv.???]
[The character Jung Heewon has confirmed that the statement is true]
She sheathed her sword, “You better not kill yourself.”
He nodded. He was worrying a bit, he thought he would be put to sleep for weeks again.
He looked to the door and saw Lee Gilyoung, “Come here.” He said in a soft voice so it wouldnt sound like a command.
He got closer, but he looked upset for a reason Kim Dokja couldn't understand, “What happened?”
“I am…weak?”
He looked confused at the kid, “No, why would you think that?”
“You’re spending more time with her, you just said you’re making her stronger, I also want to be stronger, I can be stronger.” He was looking to the ground while saying it.
He put a hand on his shoulder, “No no, you are strong, it’s just that, that's how it works with sponsors and incarnations.” He squeezed his shoulder for assurance, “You are strong, don't ever think otherwise.”
Lee Gilyoung felt better, and hugged him, who returned the hug.
———
While doing some sub-scenarios, she noticed what the stories of her sponsor said while fighting. Before, she couldn’t read them, but she could now. She noticed little details she couldn’t have seen from her perspective that he could see. But most importantly, she noticed some holes, some places in which words or complete phrases were absent.
She didn’t say it in front of everyone, so she waited until everyone rested and she approached him.
“What’s happening to your stories?”
His eyes widened for a moment before relaxing, “What’s happening to them?”
She knows her sponsor lies, especially when it concerns his well being.
“Are you losing your stories?”
“That would mean my core story is broken, which isn’t.”
Shin Yoosung wasn’t like Yoo Joonhyuk, she couldn’t know just by a glance if he was lying, and she doesn’t have Lie Detection like the majority of the company after his disappearance. But if there was something the others didn’t have was their connection.
She felt he wasn’t lying, at least, the phrase he said was not a lie.
But if she learned one thing from Yoo Joonhyuk is that Kim Dokja can tell the truth and lie at the same time.
“Why are there missing words, missing phrases?”
“Are you sure the words were missing and it wasn’t that there were somewhere else?”
Liar
“I’m sure they weren’t there.”
He looked up in thought and answered, “I’m not lying when I tell you, everything’s fine.”
She doubted that statement, but the link’s feeling didn’t change.
She decided to leave the conversation that day.
Needless to say, her sponsor was getting better at tricking their link.
———
Her nightmares never stopped, but after her ahjussi...killed his dad...her dreams started changing. Now they were mostly set in a school, or at a different home, or in a bathroom.
She heard from Sooyoung unnie a flying comment one time about him being bullied in the past, and that they even encountered one of them in the beginning of the apocalypse.
She felt sad before, but after experiencing it through his eyes it changed to pure and seething rage, she couldn't stand it anymore, she just wanted to punch them and get her sponsor out, anywhere that wasn’t that place or any other place that was in the memories.
But she couldn’t.
And she felt powerless to stop something that already happened.
She woke up in cold sweat, she felt a finger drawing circles on her back, she looked to the side to look at him.
She looked back at Kim Dokja, at her savior, at her father figure, at the person who always had a reliable back. She saw him smiling at her and soothing her but she wanted to do that for him, because the memories were his , not hers. Even though now they belonged to her too.
Kim Dokja almost hit his head against the frame of the bed, but managed to hold both himself and Shin Yoosung that jumped and hugged him tightly. He was taken aback, both literally and figuratively, but then regained his composure and decided to calm her and be there for her. He thought the memory was too much for her and that it was too realistic for her.
‘What are you doing to her, brat?’
There was no answer from the Fourth Wall.
He continued hugging her and whispering soothing things to her like ‘It’s gonna be okay.’ ‘I’m here for you.’ and ‘I know it hurts, so you can let it out with me.’
When the hug untightened, he put her on the bed and kissed her forehead as he whispered only to himself ‘I’m sorry.’
———
Days continued, the dreams almost seemed to overlap between each other, not because they showed the same thing with the same people, but because it was a cycle. First wake up in a house, go to school, get bullied, get back and sleep.
She woke up and felt uncomfortable, there was an ache on her back, she noticed that the bed she was in was yellow and very hard, on top of that she noticed the dust that was on top of it.
Her breathing was irregular, she felt chills. She felt suffocated. She looked around the room and it was small, really small, it seemed to be a room for laundry or something else. Just not for a person.
She went out, she barely ate and was given nothing for later. Shin Yoosung was shaking in anger, clenching her hands to try and control herself.
Because she knows, she knows it's worthless anything she does or anything she feels.
It's not gonna change anything, it can't no matter how much she wished for it.
No matter how much she tries, nothing changes, she can’t help him like he did for her.
She’s frustrated, she’s angry, and she’s grieving for her sponsor. Knowing he had to go through this, that he, the one who was smiling the most was the saddest of them all.
She continues through the day, after seeing her sponsor sleep through his hunger, she made a mental note to give him more food, especially the one he likes the most. She’ll make sure they don’t put tomatoes. This detail was interesting to discover through his memories.
The new knowledge about the things her father likes and hates is the only thing that she liked to discover
———
It continued, and it continued and it stayed the same and it continued and it.got.worse .
She saw the faces of the perpetrators, of the aggressors, of the bullies of her father and engraved them into her brain, searching if they were even alive after waking up. If they were, she was going to make sure they would suffer for what they did.
It wasn't fair.
It wasn't fair at all.
Why did he have to go through this? He wasn’t at fault.
And yet.
It continued.
This day, it also continued.
A house that doesn't feel like home.
A school where he doesn't feel safe.
People that appear to be around, just not around him .
And a sense of emptiness that she had once felt, at the beginning of the scenarios after killing—.
…
It didn’t matter right now.
In this dream she didn't see things through his eyes, but rather from a third perspective.
Her sponsor was clenching his growling stomach, she could see the purple and red marks on his arms and his neck. He looked so tiny, so lonely. She wanted to at least hug him. She’s managed to do that for her sponsor right now, but she would give anything so that she could hug this one once, just to tell him that it’ll get better later, to make sure that he knew that he would be happy, surrounded by people that loved him.
She looked as he stood up to leave, only for him to head in the other direction.
‘...what?’
She tilted her head in confusion, she couldn’t understand what he would do heading to the window. He didn’t have anything in the locker of the room so it didn’t click—.
“STOP!” She face contorted into one of desperation, tears threatening to escape as she rushes forward and extends her hand to grab him.
Only to see it going right through him.
Her tears rolled down her cheeks as she watched her father stand on the window frame, looking down with an indecipherable expression, she felt the void, the emptiness and the apathy that was the only way he could protect himself from his own feelings.
But those shared feelings didn’t help her, nor with the expression he was making, nor on the tears that couldn't reach the ground as they disappeared, leaving no trace of her ever being here.
“Ahjussi! Please! ” her voice wavered and cracked, she couldn’t stop the tears nor the boy in front of her.
She helplessly watched as he fell, a sound of splat as he reached the ground.
She followed him in a ghost like form, she saw the same sight she’s seen multiple times with him.
A limp body that looks lifeless, lying on the floor. Alone.
Her body felt like it was waking up, but she didn’t want to, she didn’t want to leave him there, alone. Even if he couldn’t see her she wanted to be there to comfort him, to not leave him alone in that state.
Gasp!
Her frantic breathing could be heard in the room. Her body felt oddly cold, but also hot.
The only place where it was warmer was her forehead.
“Are you okay?”
She looked to the side, eyes locked on the man she just saw jump, who almost died. Again.
He took his hand from her forehead and took a bottle of water.
“Hey, do you—.” he was interrupted by the crying incarnation in his arms.
He knew that she would see that day . That’s why he asked the Fourth Wall to not make her life through it and not let her experience that from the first perspective. At least in a detached form it would be easier.
‘What did you do?’
「 I sh owe d i t to h er l ik e y ou as k ed m e. 」
‘Then why is she in this state?’
「 K im D ok j a i s st u p id.」
He furrowed his eyebrows at the invisible wall before softening his expression as he watched the back of Shin Yoosung, her breath finally calmed down and seemed to be slowing down as fatigue finally reached her.
They stayed like that for a moment. He wanted to say ‘ I'm sorry ’ for this, but he’s said it so many times that it no longer means anything, it rolls out of his tongue but the meaning is stuck in his mouth.
He tucked her in bed, in his bed because she would wake up with frantic breathing while sweating. Each time she tried to fall asleep again, she felt the pain or the hollowness of the memory. She stayed awake no matter what she tried. She decided to sleep with him, that same night she had the most peaceful sleep she’s had since this began.
It became customary after that, she would come and they would cuddle. Kim Dokja would stay with her till she woke up, even if they were calling him or he planned to go somewhere .
He had to explain to Lee Gilyoung that his room is for maximum two people and that he sadly could not join them. He didn’t understand why he would want that but he can’t afford to have him know.
He knew they'd discover it. He just…wants to delay the moment.
Even if it means they’ll scream at his ashes.
———
She opened her eyes to a blinding light, a beeping sound in the background. Everything hurt, yet at the same time she couldn’t feel anything but her head.
“You finally woke up.”
In a voice that wasn't loud but wasn’t quite a whisper, but was low enough to be considered one, asked, “What…happened…?” Her eyes roamed around the bright room, she recognised the hospital ceiling as her eyes finally adapted to the light.
“You’ve been unconscious for three days.” The nurse, she finally recognised the attire, was not looking at her but rather at the bags in the IV pole, beside it was the monitor that was beeping earlier.
“...” No words came out of her, of him .
After she left, no sound could be heard around her, just the spinning wheels of the carts or stretchers that were passing through the corridor.
Her body moved to search for something, then she saw something that she was familiar with, a black block, similar to her sponsor’s phone where he passed the majority of time.
She tried using it, to no avail, it didn’t have any battery.
The memory suddenly became blurry, she couldn’t distinguish anything around her nor if she even was moving, it was strange, like someone was trying to keep information from her. It was worse than when she tried to remember her sponsor’s face during the three year disappearance. Right now she can remember it very clearly.
Those three years where she couldn’t remember what he looked like clearly, only seeing his smile and his coat but never her expression. It made her cry some nights, thinking for a moment that maybe, he never existed, that he was but a mirage in the middle of the destruction, she couldn’t find comfort in her connection, as there was nothing.
It felt horrible.
…
She opened her eyes slowly, her breath was slow but normal, she wasn’t sweating like before. She felt…light. At peace.
She’s never woken up like this.
Then she felt something wet on her face.
She touched her cheeks and there it was, the water that suddenly appeared. She didn’t understand where it came from, but then more and more appeared and then she noticed…
They were tears.
They were her tears.
But she didn’t understand.
“I’m…sad?” she didn’t feel sad. Yet here she was, crying without being able to stop.
She felt movement on the bed. That’s when she noticed the lump under the sheets beside her, her father was sleeping peacefully beside her, with a hand grabbing her right hand.
She smiled at him, this was the most peaceful she’s seen him, without the sleeping pills or him being a cold corpse , she felt that same peace in her.
She cuddled with him, she sneaked in closer so he wouldn’t wake him up.
She grabbed his hand with both her hands. She drifted without problem into dreamland.
[ The exclusive skill ‘Fourth Wall’ has been partially acquired!]
———
The next morning, she had a…nice conversation with Lee Gilyoung.
“Why can you sleep with hyung?”
“Because I’m his—!”
“I’m his incarnation“ he said in a mocking high pitched tone, “I was with hyung longer than you!”
“You don’t know him as much as me!”
“Why? Just because of your sponsor connection?” he scoffed, “Don’t make me laugh!”
“You don’t know what he’s gone through, he’s suffered—” Before she spoke further, she put a hand to her mouth. For a moment, she forgot that she shouldn’t tell them about this.
“And how would you know if you weren’t there? Grandma never talked about it! And he definitely wouldn't”
That was true, she didn't talk about the past, except with Han Sooyoung about her time in prison and the visits he did. But not about him. And her sponsor…well, the only thing they know is that he was Sangah’s coworker, because she told them.
“I just know it.” she could not say that he told her, because no one would believe her, she would not believe herself.
“Now the sponsor connection lets you see through the memories of each other?” He scoffed while shaking his head, “I know what the connection feels like, just as much as you.”
He looked straight into her eyes with a serious and dark expression, “How do you know?”
“I’m curious too.”
Shin Yoosung snapped her head to the new source of sound. Resting against the doorframe, was the short haired unnie with a lollipop in her mouth. “Continue with your conversation, I’m just curious how you would know something that neither his mom nor Yoo Sangah knows.”
Before something else could happen, both Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonhyuk arrived like archangels to save her.
“We have a sub-scenario, the groups will consist—.
“One group.”
Kim Dokja looked at Yoo Joonhyuk with an eyebrow raised, Yoo Joonhyuk only glared at him.
“One” he growled at him.
Once again everyone in the room had to witness these two bickering, Han Sooyoung would tell them they argue like a divorced couple, Lee Gilyoung would get Yoo Joonhyuk away from his Hyung, and Shin Yoosung would just hug her father’s leg.
“But it requires—.” They were now both glaring at each other.
“One.” Yoo Joonhyuk’s answer was firm, everyone who heard it would know it’s the final decision…
“We’ll take two, it doesn’t require that many people per group. And we have enough for two.”
…Except for one person.
“Lee Hyunsung, Lee Jihye, Jung Heewon, Han Sooyoung and Shin Yoosung are coming.” He chose people that Kim Dokja would have brought, but the fact that Yoo Joonhyuk chose it instead of him made his eyebrow twitch.
“Hey bastard! “ Lee Gilyoung was, to say the least, mad.
He didn’t want to be with the bastard but he wanted to be with his father.
“Dokja hyung!”
Yoo Joonhyuk was nowhere by that point.
“Of course, our group hasn’t reached the limit.”
Lee Gilyoung looked at him with sparkling eyes, “Yes!”
They went and did it in 2 hours, Kim Dokja was beside Shin Yoosung and Lee Gilyoung, shielding them and protecting them while they used Chimera Dragon to burn the enemies. They also were controlling some insects and monsters while doing that, so he was also keeping an eye on them to make sure they wouldn’t overdo it.
After the misión, the three persons in the previous conversation forgot about continuing it. For the benefit of both the Star and the incarnation, but to the dismay of the ones who wouldn't know the truth in time.
———
The dreams continued happening every night, while they were bad, they became…better. The pain was still there, but now he was happy. The moments where he was reading the novel, the story of Yoo Joonhyuk, were the happiest he’s ever been.
Almost every moment he was awake he was reading it. And she could feel it.
The love, the admiration, the sadness over the loss of a loved one, the rage at the decisions Yoo Joonhyuk made, the compassion towards the members of his group, the happiness of seeing them overcome the scenarios without many problems.
The hope that he would succeed on the round, that they would reach the end.
These feelings that dimmed after a dark time found their way back through the novel.
Discovering that they were characters in a novel shocked her, but more importantly, it confused at the beginning.
‘Why does he sacrifice himself for us?’
She understood why it was for them , but she didn’t understand the reason why he would die multiple times for characters .
She didn’t tell him that she saw it, but the day she discovered the novel she cried silently in his arms murmuring.
‘Why? Why? Why did you do it? Why? Why would you die for us?’
But as days and nights went by, she understood, she managed to understand why.
They were his confort, they were the only ones he cared about, the only ones he loved .
They were his family, the one he never got.
They made him feel again, taking away the sadness, emptiness and numbness from before.
They were an island in the middle of the unforgiven ocean he was drowning in.
She understood why.
That night, Kim Dokja hugged the unconsolable girl who was continuously murmuring ‘I love you, we love you’. He tried questioning the Fourth Wall again to no avail. He also noted that a part of it was no longer there, it seemed to have gone with her.
They continued on that position for a couple of hours till they fell asleep.
Whether both had similar wide smiles while hugging each other in their sleep went unspoken.
———
After more and more dreams of the memories of her sponsor, she couldn't look at Yoo Joonhyuk the same way, simultaneously, she wanted to thank him, if she could, she would show him what he had done for her father, the way he helped him through everything for years.
She also saw the worst of him. Regressions where he tried to reach the end while stepping on the sacrifices of his companions. The times he would let them die in front of his eyes, or like in the 41th regression where he sacrificed her. Now she knows why she was The Disaster of Floods.
Reading their tragic death at the hands of constellations, incarnations, or even Yoo Joonhyuk himself infuriated her. Even if it didn’t happen here, even if she could go outside for a moment and see them breathing, talking to each other and fighting beside each other, the fact that they could have died if it wasn’t for her dad…
She doesn’t like to think about the fact that Yoo Joonhyuk killed her on multiple occasions only for the 5th scenario.
And yet…
She couldn’t fully hate him, whether Kim Dokja’s feelings influence it or not is ignored by her.
She could feel and see him despair as he tried again and again to no avail.
At the same time, she realized how much her sponsor changed things, how many things made sense since he knew they didn’t work for the sunfish, as the little boy calls him , and understood how to make it into an advantage.
After seeing so many things that could have gone different…
Scenarios won at the cost of one or multiple companions.
Same scenarios where the cost was their star.
Constellations that were their enemies there, are like family members here.
People like Yoo Sangah, Lee Gilyoung, Jung Heewon, and others do not exist in the novel. It didn’t take long for her to know they died at the beginning.
So many changes, done by one person.
A person who loved the story so much that he couldn’t bear losing anyone.
…
She also noticed that…
She’s doing the role of a constellation.
The boy and her are reading the story and enjoying their happiness, suffering, and sadness…
It’s similar to what the stars in the sky do.
Maybe he was always destined to be the star that watches them all.
———
“You served in the front ahjussi?”
Kim Dokja had a confused face for a split second till realization dawned on him.
“Ahh, mmm, yeah…” That part of his life was rather…unlucky.
It wasn’t the worst part of it, but it was rather forgettable.
“Cool.” Her voice filled with admiration extended the last part of the word, much to Kim Dokja nonconformity.
“It was not that cool.”
She already has reached this part of his memories? Why didn’t she ask about the novel? Did the Fourth Wall censor it?
「 .. . .」
「 I di d n’ t.」
‘What?’
She 's seen it all?
His eyes shook, his hold on his phone tightened and his hands were slightly shaking.
And his incarnation obviously noticed it.
“Ahjussi?” Before he even noticed it, she grabbed the hand that was holding his phone.
“How—” How much do you know? How much have you seen?
She tilted her head in confusion. Then, realization hit and she responded with a smile, “Not even in the front did you stop reading it.”
“...Do you…?” hate me? Do you feel betrayed? Maybe you don’t want to be my incarnation anymore.
“Ahjussi…” she took both his hands on her hands as she looked him in the eyes with a little smile on her face that reminded him of Yoo Sangah. “...stop thinking nonsense.”
…Huh?
Kim Dokja felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown at him.
At the same time he thought, ‘Doesn’t that sound like the sunfish?’
He wonders if Yoo Joonhyuk had that influence on her during the last three years.
He also wonders about how much time Yoo Sangah spent with the kids. Her smile is as radiant and as scary as hers.
“Don’t you hate me?” For lying, for taking advantage of you?
Bless her incarnation who managed to not sigh in frustration. She looked him in the eyes with an unimpressed look as she said, “You saved me, you saved us. You didn’t hesitate to sacrifice yourself for us.”
He wanted to avert his eyes because of the intensity of her eyes, he didn’t understand why. Still she continued, “I felt everything every time you read about us. I know you care about us.”
“And I know you would do anything for us, for our happiness, for us to reach the end of this.”
He continued looking at her, at her eyes, trying to find anything, hate, rage, indignity, any wavering that showed that she resented him. Not seeing it made him feel worse.
And yet, he couldn’t find it.
He felt overwhelmed by the warmness, the love and the care of that gaze that wanted to soothe him. It was doing the exact contrary.
His vision started to blurry, he supposed that his thoughts had overcharged his brain to the point of fainting. Shin Yoosung’s face contorted into panic, his assumptions were correct.
…
…
Why am I not fainting?
I don’t feel like I’ll faint, I would recognise it, and yet, my vision is getting blurrier.
His blurry vision didn’t let him see the expression of his incarnation, who was looking at him with wide eyes and a sort of sad expression, or at least, that what he could distinguish.
She got closer to him and caged his face with her hands while wiping out his tears.
She didn’t notice that her vision was getting blurry too.
But Dokja felt her tears fall to his hands, so he hugged her.
They stayed like that for a while, without a single message arriving. Biyoo knew the conversation was very personal, and decided to turn off the channel till they calmed down.
They saw the arriving messages and they stopped talking, they didn’t need to continue as everything was said and done.
That day, kimcom wondered why their star looked like a weight was taken off him.
———
“Myungoh ahjussi, did you meet ahjussi before the scenarios?”
She knows he did, she’s gotten to the point where he was working at Minosoft, and she saw that this guy was his boss.
When she first met him after her sponsor disappeared in the Demon World, she thought that he met this guy because he was there in the Industrial Complex. But it never explained how he knew Sangah unnie. But Lee Gilyoung said he was in the train and she thought ‘That’s why.’ and didn’t look into it any further.
“Yeah…we were in the same company. I was his boss before the scenarios began.” she knew that, she wondered about something else.
“What was he like before?” And why did no one try to be his friend?
“He was really…shy… and an introvert…” He was trying his best to remember the guy before, it was easy, but not only did his face look suddenly strange, he could also not pinpoint a lot about him. He didn’t care about him before. Nobody noticed him.
“And he spent his time looking at his phone, like he does now.” He looked to the side and he almost had a heart attack.
Speaking of the devil.
“Ahjussi!” She launched to his leg and hugged it, while the constellation patted her head.
Han Myungoh stood there, watching with a pained and reminiscent expression the scene in front of him. Then he made eye contact with Kim Dokja and saw the smile he had during the revolution.
The reminder shook him and he felt shivers down his spine as he left the scene.
———
She woke up while groaning, the thin arm moved on top of her eyes as the sunlight blinded her.
She went to her sponsor’s work like usual, then she was on the train.
Then something unexpected happened, Yoo Sangah was there with her.
The voice that came from her mouth asked, “Ah, hello.” She wanted to chuckle at her ahjussi for such a shy and uncomfortable answer.
“Are you going home from work?"
"Yes. What about Yoo Sangah-ssi²?"
"I was lucky. The manager went on a business trip today." Yoo Sangah sat down as soon as the seat next to Kim Dokja became vacant. A subtle scent came from her shoulders, making him nervous.
Shin Yoosung ignored the conversation as she tried to find some people in her peripheral vision.
She noticed that in front of her was Lee Gilyoung, to her left was Han Myungoh, and on her right she could distinguish Lee Hyunsung.
This combination made her notice the date of today, XX of XXX of 20XX, 6:50.
The eyes of her ahjussi did not change but if she could control it then her eyes would have gone wide while trembling. It was today, today began the apocalypse .
She wanted to tell them, she doesn’t know why, because they were fine in the end and her father would handle everything. But she didn’t want to leave them in the dark while panicking.
At that time, a notification appeared at the top of his smartphone. [You have one new mail.]
It was from the author of 'Ways of Survival'. He opened the mail.
–Reader-nim, my novel will become paid from 7 p.m. This will be helpful. Good luck.
[1 attachment.]
He looked at the app that had the web novel [ Ways of Survival ]. They both noticed that it no longer existed. She felt Kim Dokja’s confusion and fear, but she thought that it would be better like that. She knew that some people had the ability to access the internet during the apocalypse, like Han Dooghoon.
“At that moment, the subway lights turned off, and the inside of the train became dark.
Kiiiiiiiik-! The subway train shook loudly and let out a metallic sound. It caused Yoo Sangah to scream and grab his arm. Then they heard the sound of other people getting stirred up. Yoo Sangah gripped his arm so tightly that even she paid more attention to the pain in his left arm than the sudden stop. It took a dozen seconds for the train to stop fully.
Then she heard confused voices coming from everywhere.
She started hyperventilating, it wasn’t shown though Kim Dokja but repeating this was making those memories resurface.
Then, Bihyung appeared. She doesn’t like him, she might even say she hates him. But at the same time she knows that he has helped his father. And thanks to this, she’ll be able to know about it better.
The scenario began, confusion was evident on everyone, that is until the truth had to hit them in the face for them to wake up to reality.
It didn’t matter, as her father took a grasshopper and threw the cage with three more in it. The fifth one was given to Lee Gilyoung.
Everything continued as normal, and then something that enraged her beyond belief happened.
Yoo Joonhyuk, the bastard , threw her FATHER to the Ichthyosaur sea commander.
She regrets the nice things she’s done recently for him after discovering that he saved her father. Because the Ichthyosaurs that are around the lake have never felt so appealing to control all of a sudden. She should probably invite him to have a nice picnic beside the river.
She could feel her sponsor smirking during the fall, while she wanted to glare daggers at the bastard.
But one thing is for sure, she no longer hates Bihyung, she even pities him. To say that her father scared the stars out of the dokkaebi was an understatement.
Everything that happened afterwards was going to be very painful and tiring.
But it wasn’t.
[ The exclusive skill, ‘Fourth Wall’ is activated.]
[ The exclusive skill, ‘Fourth Wall’ has offset some of the pain.]
She knew this wasn’t the notification that her sponsor had received earlier, it was hers.
The pain he had to go through was already offset by it, but then it applied again on her, making her feel almost nothing.
In reality she noticed it earlier, how some of his feelings suddenly disappeared, how some sensations disappeared, and she felt less.
And right now, she felt almost nothing, no pain, no guilt or the pity of before. It felt…empty.
Is this the effect of the ‘Fourth Wall’?
Is this why he said he was ‘fine’ after dying? Because he didn’t feel neither distress nor pain thanks to it?
What else could it do? What other effects does it have on her father and now her?
‘Does it affect how he feels about us? Does—?’
[ The exclusive skill, ‘Fourth Wall’ is activated!]
Her brain cleared up right before she woke up.
There was no panic, no sweating, no tiredness. She just…sat up and looked beside her.
Her star was there, sleeping peacefully.
She felt her chest warm up and she wanted to cry .
She hasn’t been able to feel anything for hours. The double effect of the Wall made her feel empty, not sad empty, just…empty. Feeling anything after it reminded her that she was alive, she was here, she was human.
Is this how he felt when he went through pain? Through his deaths?
‘Why does it feel like it’s trying to disconnect him from us? From this reality?’
[ The exclusive skill ‘Fourth Wall’ has been partially acquired!]
[ The exclusive skill ‘Reading Comprehension’ has been acquired!]
[ The exclusive skill ‘Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint’ has been acquired!]
[ The exclusive skill ‘Bookmark’ has been acquired!]
[ The exclusive skill ‘Character List’ has been acquired!]
[ The exclusive skill ‘Purest Sword Force’ has been acquired!]
———
Kim Dokja did not understand why her incarnation decided to take him out and spend time with everyone. Not even for a mission or a sub scenario. She already told him that both of them would do one afterwards. It wasn’t necessary but if she wanted…
They played with the kids, even Han Dooghoon was there, but he wasn’t playing much. But Kim Dokja was chatting with him so he had a good time. He questioned if he was a babysitter or if the kids wanted to relive how it was before the scenarios.
Later, they spent time with Jung Heewon, Lee Hyunsung and Lee Jihye, he didn’t know if they would do a sub-scenario or if they were going to slay some monsters.
He thought they would…that’s why…
“Where are we going?” They walked for almost an hour and they didn’t go somewhere that would give them a sub-scenario or where the monsters were.
“I’m trying to find it.”
‘Great, that explains everything.’ Kim Dokja was confused to say the least.
Shin Yoosung was also confused, but Jihye unnie told her that they would go somewhere that she frequented with her friends. She didn’t tell her what, but she trusted her.
Lee Jihye smirked at the sight of the place, she tilted her head towards it and walked inside.
That’s when Kim Dokja understood where they went.
“It looks…bad. But the equipment is intact! We can use it.”
It was a karaoke.
Shin Yoosung’s eyes were shining while her jaw was dropped. Jung Heewon felt like she went back to her college days.
Lee Hyunsung helped on getting everything connected to start.
“Hey ahjussi! How bad is your singing?” His eyebrow twitched in annoyance while he gave a deadpan look at the teenager.
“I know ahjussi has a good voice.” Her incarnation tried to defend him, she couldn’t say it was great, but it was okay.
They stayed there for a couple of hours, they all managed to sing. Lee Hyunsung was very awkward and either they couldn’t hear him or he got too loud that it left everyone deaf. Kim Dokja was…okay. It was neither good nor bad just…okay. He also only did it once. The rest of us had a good time.
The same couldn’t be really said about Kim Dokja, who ended up reading about sub-scenarios and the next scenarios while thinking about plans for the future. Or well, tried his best to concentrate with the loud music and Lee Jihye trying to take his phone because ‘He wasn’t enjoying himself.’
How could he when he was in the middle of the scenarios?
He was just happy that tomorrow he would teach her how to use his abilities better. Or how to use them. Right before going to sleep he went to the closed off sort of garden in the industrial complex, the channel was already closed so he was alone
[ The exclusive skill, ‘Purest Sword Force’ is activated!]
He took out ‘Unbroken Faith’ and looked at it. The light that once was as radiant as a star was dimmer.
He sheathed his sword and went to sleep.
———
The sub-scenario didn’t have a time limit, so Kim Dokja could take his time teaching his incarnation, while the latter could have time to practice with him.
She had used daggers or small knives but not a sword. But the years spent with Yoo Joonhyuk while killing monsters have given her an idea of the movements. And yet, the way she was swinging the sword wasn’t fully the latter’s technique. The two of them recognised some moves from Kim Dokja, the aggressiveness of Jung Heewon that goes for the kill, and the graceness of Yoo Sangah.
He was fairly surprised, but overall he was proud of her.
After two hours of killing monsters and disabling traps and puzzles, they decided to take a break. As the sub-scenario said, there was no time limit, so a break would not kill them.
He also asked Biyoo to turn off the channel or to put ads if she couldn’t do the other.
“Ahjussi.”
“Yes?”
“I tried using the ability ‘Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint’ on Lee Gilyoung and it didn’t work. Why did that happen?”
His eyes went wide, ‘She’s already reached the scenarios. But she’s in the beginning if I haven’t used it on Gilyoung.’
“It’s because he’s not…” a character? But I don’t want to make it appear as if he’s more real than her.
As if she used the ability on him she said, “A character?”
“Mmm, yeah.” He rubbed the back of his head.
“Because he never appeared in the novel.” Because he died went unsaid.
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“The same with Sangah unnie and Sooyoung unnie. But it’s different for Heewon-ssi.”
“Aren’t you interested in ‘Bookmark’ or ‘Character List’?” Or the Fourth Wall? But he hoped she wouldn’t ask about it. He also hoped she didn’t communicate with the brat .
「 Ki m D ok j a i s st u p id」
Damn brat.
“I’m more interested in the Wall.” He thought that he jinxed himself with his thoughts.
“It’s something that separates reality from fiction.”
“As in the fourth wall in the theater?”
“Yeah, pretty much.” He wanted to ask if she had communicated with it, but if he said that then she would know that she could communicate with it and try. He couldn’t risk letting her know, at least for now.
“But why does it numb your feelings?” And mine.
He flinched slightly before answering, “It doesn’t numb them,” he nicely lied to himself, “ but it numbs physical and psychological damages.”
“It also numbs your feelings.”
“If it causes distress then it will.”
She grimaced, her sponsor didn’t seem to understand or notice the sudden change. At the same time, she remembered the numbness and emptiness he felt in his everyday live. The only time it didn’t feel like that was when he was reading.
“Are you interested in another skill? Maybe you want to know about other one’s you’ll have in the future.”
She already had ‘Lie Detection’, she got it recently, but maybe she would be interested in ‘Poker Face’ or the ‘Beast King Sensitivity’ that she doesn’t have right now but he got during the 5th scenario.
She shook her head and responded, “No, it’s okay.” She looked at him with a warm smile,”I’ll discover it with you.”
After the break ended they continued in the sub-scenario for three more hours. The compensation was nice, not outstanding but nice. She managed to get a sword that could be hidden in a pendance so she could practice later.
———
Shin Yoosung was glad that her star finally managed to escape the sea commander. He was disheveled after everything. But what she thanks the most is that the ‘Fourth Wall’ wasn’t active anymore. Or to the very least, no longer numbed her.
She wasn’t worried about the fog because he had already bought the Monkey’s Lungs for it. She was enraged at the state Heewon unnie was in, but glad that he saved her.
The reason for her injuries were revealed later on. To say that Shin Yoosung was seething was an understatement. The treatment of her father and her unnie was appalling to say the least.
She wasn’t the most aggressive of the group but she hoped that Cheon Inho was alive to make him feel what they felt. She later on discovered that no, he wasn’t alive anymore.
She was glad that her sponsor wasn’t scammed by that guy, in reality he was scammed by the former. She knew the smirk she was wearing would not reflect on his face but the satisfaction she felt was immense .
They went to hunt, she was disappointed but not surprised with Han Myungoh, but thanks to him her father got his sword ‘Unbroken Faith’, but if she disliked him before because of what he did before the scenarios then now it’s worse. She still couldn’t fully hate him with his missing daughter.
She slowly blinked her eyes to focus after waking up. Each time the memories ended she ended up with more questions than answers. She has wondered if reading his mind would clear it up.
She wanted to hug Sangah unnie after everything she’s witnessed until now, but after the recent scenario, Gigantomachia…
She’s asked what happened but he only said that she was fine and that she would come back.
「 W ou l d y ou l i ke t o ? 」
A voice that wasn’t human and didn’t come from any place in particular was heard by her.
「 D o y ou wa n t t o t al k t o he r ? 」
She shouldn’t trust it, it could be a constellation or a Dokkaebi or—.
[ The exclusive skill, ‘Fourth Wall’ wants to show itself!]
「 Tu r n i t o ff . 」
Her eyes shook, sweat dripping down her cheeks while she was clenching her jaw. She shouldn’t trust the voice even if the skill reacted according to what was said. It could be a trap, a trick, an illusion.
And yet…
“Biyoo?” The balloon-sized cloud of fluff appeared almost immediately. “Could you turn off the channel?”
The little fluff ball bounced around before disappearing. The constellations nor dokkaebis nor wenni people could hear them.
Her expression stiffened and changed to seriousness, she narrowed her eyes as she watched the wall appear in front of her.
She couldn’t really call it a wall, more like a fraction of it. Fragments of the Wall seemed to be floating around and other ones seemed to be broken. Some fragments of it seemed to be floating close to her father, those are probably the ones that are transferring slowly with the memories.
“How can I talk to her?” Whether or not it was the skill it didn’t matter. Because she didn’t trust either option.
Instead of ‘talking’ like before, a hole in the wall opened.
Her eyes widened, her lips trembled and she felt like her face was going warm. She couldn’t utter anything for almost a minute till she muttered, “S-Sangah…un…nie?”
「 (Don’t cry.)」A hand came out of the wall and wiped her tears that just started rolling down her eyes.
“Y-you’re—
「 (Alive? Yes…but also no.)」
Her unnie explained what Kim Dokja did before after they finished Gigantomachia.
「 (I’m glad you share the Wall with him.)」she could see her face from the hole in the wall. 「 (It made him faint for one day instead of three.)」
He woke up yesterday after fainting from the storm of probability, thankfully it was one day but everyone was worried, especially with Yoo Joonhyuk missing.
No one knew where he went but they expected him to come back.
“So, you’ll come back. Right?”
「 (Yes, he’ll try to revive me.)」
“How? Nirvana was the only reincarnator in the novel.” Normally she wouldn’t talk about it to someone that was not her star, but Yoo Sangah told her she was reading the books of his memories, so she already knew about it.
「 (But he’s no longer one.)」
She didn’t know if her unnie had already reached that part of the memories, her dreams were getting longer as the threat of the end approached. But still, she barely got to the first week of the apocalypse, there was a long way till that part.
“How is he going to communicate with his sponsor?” She saw this between the plans he made when he was younger about how to beat the apocalypse, he was happy and enthusiastic while making them, probably thinking about them like a game of ‘How I would speedrun the apocalypse' .She thanked whatever thought had made him do it.
「 (He thinks about going to the island soon.)」
“Can I go with him?” Her sparkling eyes were met with a smile she was oh so familiar with.
「 (You shouldn't, but that’s up to him.)」
“Do you know…what’s…”
「 (What’s happening to him?)」the latter knew that his powers were getting weaker while hers were getting stronger, some probably noticed it during the battle of the Titans but didn’t say anything. Shin Yoosung noticed it too, along with the skills getting stronger for her.
She won’t admit the truth. That he’s lost his memories, his powers, his stories. A person is made of stories. The soul , the essence of a person .
They know the consequences of that, she was talking to the living (if her state could be considered alive) example of what happens when someone loses their stories.
She’s been trying to deny it, to turn a blind eye to everything that points to his condition. She had tried to reason that it wasn’t that, that it was something else, that they were sharing it, that everything that was transferred to her were copies.
But deep down she knew he was dying. She knew he was slowly dying right before her eyes while she could do nothing again .
The transference of memories and skills and everything was to ensure they could continue without him. His plans would not be lost, the skills would not be lost.
Strangely enough, she remembered the science class she had. The explanations about stars.
The only thing she could think about was that, like a star, they didn’t know their star was dying till the last light reached them. And just like with those stars, by the time you notice it it’s already too late, because it’s already gone.
By now it’s irreversible, no amount of anything would bring him back, it’s already too far into it to be repaired, if you could even fix a story that no longer exists.
「 (There’s nothing we can do about it. The only way to not lose everything is to give it to you. )」
That night, she dreamt of green rooms, monsters, an almost death experience, destroyed stairs, movies and the stars cascading down the night sky.
———
Han Sooyoung was one of the people that knew about the novel, the one that saved Kim Dokja’s mother and the one that led the company apart from Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonhyuk.
So of course, as the perceptive friend that she was, and with the knowledge of the novel, it was obvious what was going to happen.
“What’s happening?” he looked back at a frowning author with a lollipop.
“Nothing.” he lied like it was second nature.
[ The character ‘Han Sooyoung’ has activated ‘Lie Detection Lv.???]
[ Han Sooyoung has confirmed your statement as false.]
Shit.
“I may not be the best reader in the world, but as a writer I can sense plot holes in a story, and yours suddenly have a lot .”
‘This damn perceptive plagiarist.’
“I saw this with Yoo Sangah, in the beginning when no one noticed.” She took out the lollipop from her mouth and pointed it at him, “You’re losing your stories, you’re dying .”
“Why?” her expression contorted into anger, eyebrows furrowed. And yet her eyes seemed to contain a turmoil that contained more than anger, there was something that resembled concern and other feelings he couldn’t discern.
He couldn’t answer something he didn't know why. He couldn’t admit it.
They looked at each other's eyes, she was searching for an answer in his eyes since his mouth seemed to only spit lies. While he tried to not waver and see how far she would go for an answer since he wasn’t going to give it.
She grabbed his shoulders tightly, it almost hurt him, and shook him.
“Why? Why? Why? ...Why would you leave us again?” Her shaky voice betrayed her enraged look, showing the despair and sadness she felt.
“It’s okay.” This was the best he could say for now. Quite the mistake.
To say she was infuriated by this answer was an understatement.
She shook him faster, almost making him dizzy. “What do you mean it’s okay!? Okay!? Do we have to lose you after getting you back?! AFTER THREE YEARS—!”
She released him.
Sniff
His eyes widened in surprise, it was the first time she heard her cry.
He couldn’t move even after seeing the droplets of water fall, she was trying so hard to not cry, he couldn’t see her face as she put her hoodie up and her arms were blocking it from my view.
“I have a solution.”
“Sniff— What…?” She looked at him with red eyes.
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not.”
[ The character ‘Han Sooyoung’ has activated ‘Lie Detection Lv.???]
[ Han Sooyoung has confirmed your statement as true.]
Her eyes shook as she looked between Kim Dokja and the message.
“Tell me.”
“...”
“Tell me you bastard!” Her eyebrows furrowed while her bandaged arm started warming up from rage.
“I can’t.”
“Ha!” She scoffed at him, of course he wouldn’t tell her, he didn’t say anything to anybody.
She was frustrated to say the least, neither Yoo Sangah nor the suicidal squid wanted to tell anything until it was too late.
“Does this solution include disappearing? Death? ” She can’t trust this guy, especially with his life and self-preservation.
“It doesn’t. The solution is not to sacrifice myself.”
[ The character ‘Han Sooyoung’ has activated ‘Lie Detection Lv.???]
[ Han Sooyoung has confirmed your statement as true.]
Her body relaxed while her frown disappeared a little.
“You better not die on us or I’ll drag your ass out of the Underworld.”
He only nodded and gave her a smile. He couldn’t risk her using lie detection.
———
He explained about the novel to everyone yesterday. She knew but still heard it with everyone. To say that the Industrial Complex felt like a cemetery was an understatement. But what clenched her heart was the expression her star had after it. The only way she could describe it was like everyone dear to him had just died.
She waited for everyone to go their separate ways before following on her father’s tracks.
He looked at her and gave her a sad smile. He continued onward to his room, with her following right behind.
They didn’t talk on the way there, nor did they utter a word inside the room.
That day, they spent the day hugging. People walking past the door could hear hiccups.
———
Death after death after death. She witnessed the first one (she didn’t know he had died that earlier) to the last. She felt every death in the 3rd person perspective, different to any other dream. The Fourth Wall did as Kim Dokja and Yoo Sangah both had said.
During it, she first felt the pain and numbness from him, not a moment later she felt even number as the Fourth Wall reinforced it for her. The mental shock was lessened and she almost felt like she wasn’t living the death.
‘Is this how ahjussi felt?’
The skill only enhanced the effect it had when it happened. Which meant that this is as close as he felt.
‘It didn’t fully feel like it happened to him. It felt…like he was a soul controlling a body that died rather than his own death. It felt really disconnected.’
She commented on it to him but he overlooked and or just changed the subject.
She then reached the point where it changed, the disappearance of their star for the next few years.
The moment when they lost him one last time.
She hoped to never lose him again, it didn't matter if she had to live in denial.
And she saw the Outer God, the one that made a deal and sent him to another regression turn.
That turn was… strange .
She didn’t like that her sponsor didn’t exist, nor that Yoo Joonhyuk was alone. But everyone was alive (except Yoo Mia, Yoo Joonhyuk’s teacher, and some others).
Han Sooyoung led them all to victory without any losses, including herself. Maybe he should learn a bit from her.
She panicked when he announced he would stay. Only for the Yoo Joonhyuk of the 1863 round to kill himself while sending another part into regression.
As he watched the death of the protagonist he’d been reading, the tears he didn’t know were coming out fell to the ground. She wanted to console him, to hug him (oh how many times she’s wanted to do that in his memories).
She heard the conversation between 1863!Han Sooyoung and him. But this was one of the moments when she would love to be able to hear his thoughts. She tried to understand which was the identity of the [Oldest Dream] but each time it brought her to one answer. An answer she wouldn’t accept, but one that seemed too obvious, too true. She hoped he didn’t reach the same one.
She woke up right before it got to the part of the returnees. Lee Gilyoung was glaring at her.
“Hey! Stop sleeping! Jihye unnie is doing your work.”
Lee Jihye was killing robots in front of the door to the little safe space they managed to find.
“Shut up bug boy, I’m going.”
———
As the second wave of the Apocalypse Dragon arrived, Shin Yoosung approached her sponsor in an attempt to get an answer, a reassurance about her theory about the identity of the [Oldest Dream].
She hoped, she really hoped to not be as sharp or perceptive or intelligent as she thought. She would rather be stupid than to have the right answer, knowing it is one she hated.
She prayed that he would give her a different answer. Even if it was a lie.
“Why aren’t you with the rest? You should shield yourself with them in case something happens.”
She looked at what he was drawing and recognised it.
“You’re bringing grampa and grandma!” A small smile formed on her face.
He froze on the spot.
[ The constellation, ‘Queen of the Darkest Spring’ smiles and says “Of course granddaughter.”]
…what…?
“Wasn’t my mother your grandma?”
“The goddess is also your mother, so she’s also my granma.”
[ The constellation, ‘Queen of the Darkest Spring’ says that you’re also her granddaughter with Biyoo.]
He wanted to refute, but after what he pulled off for the army and the fact that he was going to use them on the third wave and he could not afford to lose their favor now, not with everyone’s lives at stake. The conversation with the Queen left an impact on him and the warmth in his chest when he was with Hades.
The corner of his lips upturned a little before resuming the drawing. That was enough confirmation for Shin Yoosung.
She looked at the circle and frowned. It was a little inaccurate and shaky, it was actually wrong even if he was with the novel in hand it was bad. She took the stick and did it as he had done in the past when drawing some symbols described in the novel and when he did the charts of their powers. His loss of memories has ended up with her telling him about the regressions, rereading the novel with the skill that was slowing down for him over and over again in an attempt to remember it like he used to. It also caused him to avoid Han Sooyoung, or at least not searching her as much as before.
It made her heart clench.
The scenario continued, and while she was expecting him to throw himself to summon the Outer God, it still hurt to see it. She knows I’ll hurt him too even with the Wall.
She couldn’t stop her tears when Yoo Joonhyuk didn’t return with him.
Why?
She managed to see the plan in advance, it required someone to get there. And she felt it , she felt the creation of a new stigma. She couldn’t see what it was, but she knew he wouldn’t die. She felt it. She knew he’s not dead.
But it’s the third time he disappears in a way that makes it seem like he died.
She’s frustrated, she’s tired. She just…wanted him to stay . She didn’t want to chain him up just so he could stay with them. She wanted to be able to talk to him, get headpats, cuddle, and just spend time with him. Was it that difficult? Why can’t he stay? Why did they take him away again and again and again—
She dreams about a white haired boy, about a three headed dog, and Titans.
She woke up fine, without a problem, but her body felt cold, and her breath fastened as her hands shook. She felt a foreboding feeling she couldn't understand
———
She knew this was coming, and still, she prayed to whatever God would listen that it wasn’t true, that it wouldn’t happen.
But as she knelt in front of his body that was slowly going colder while his heartbeat slowed to a halt…
“I’m sorry.” He put his hand on her cheek and wiped her tears, replacing it with the blood in his hands.
The members of the company were planning the break before the Final Scenario, even a sub-scenario where he had to take the break whether he liked it or not. It’s funny, or it was supposed to .
“Don’t say that! You’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.” They got Sangah unnie back, they can get him back.
‘I know you’re there Wall.’ No answer
‘...Please.’
「 C an ‘t.」
“ Why? ” Her ahjussi was confused at her words while the sound of the messages of the constellations pounded in her ears.
「 Pr ob a b il it y…」
‘Is that all? We have a lot, we can afford it!’
[ No t e no ug h t.]
After all this time, it’s still not enough. Maybe they were never enough.
She flinched as something cold touched her.
She slowly looked back at her hand and saw his own on top of hers. But it was so cold, too cold. She took his hand with both of hers to try and keep him warm, she couldn’t afford to let him freeze during the scenarios.
She activated the Beast King Sensitivity and put it on top of both of them.
His eyes were closed and his signature suicidal smile splattered on his face, but he couldn’t sleep yet, it wasn’t nap time with Gilyoung, Biyoo and her; it also wans’t night for him to actually sleep the amount he should get.
She ignored that, unlike the other times, there wasn’t the gaze like the other deaths, nor the lingering of some faint connection like when he disappeared. Now there was nothing.
[ The exclusive skill, ‘Fourth Wall’ has offset the mental shock.]
“...”
“...”
She looked at the face of her father, the one who died again, that fully left her, without a possibility of getting him back.
“...A big house…”
Her heart clenched, the pain of it piercing her lungs. Her ragged breathing combined with her blurry vision making her collapse on top of him.
“...for all -hic-, all of us…-hic-.”
She continued sobbing on top of the oh so cold body, the messages of the constellations nowhere on sight.
Until she felt a hand on her shoulder.
She looked up at Yoo Sangah, a sad smile on her face as she knelt beside her.
No words were exchanged.
Only two people hugging each other while they were crying, a bloodcurdling scream could be heard, but nobody came.
[ The constellation ‘Demon King of Salvation’ exclusive skills, stories and exclusive attributes have been transferred to incarnation ‘Shin Yoosung’]
———
In another part of Seoul, Kimco was happily planning a break not only for them but for their leader. Completely oblivious to everything.
Except Han Sooyoung, who looked at the hugging pair in front of her reader’s body. Frozen at the realization that he once again lied to them.
He had always done it, but she thought this once he would actually stay.