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Kihyun’s not in his bed when Changkyun wakes up and for a split second he begins to think that maybe it had all been a dream. That Kihyun and Wonho were still dating, that Kihyun didn’t come to him crying, and that he hadn’t fallen asleep next to his best friend for the first time in months. Yeah, it had to have been a dream. Right?
Changkyun practically bounced out of bed and ran into the living room, eyes searching for Kihyun. Shownu and Hyungwon were sitting on the couch, both looking up at Changkyun’s sudden appearance. “Where’s Kihyun?” Changkyun asked, totally not out of breath. Shownu shared a look with Hyungwon who was biting his lip to keep from smiling. “What?”
Shownu shook his head, “Practice room, with Jooheon and Minhyuk. They’re going over-” Changkyun didn’t even hear the rest of whatever Shownu was telling him, already running out the room and then the doors. He would apologize to his hyungs later, right now though, he was on a mission.
Minhyuk was laughing at something Jooheon said when Changkyun burst through the practice room doors, breathing heavy from the non-stop run here. Minhyuk stops laughing and quickly stands up, almost like he’s been expecting him. “Changkyunnie~ hey! I was just heading out, Jooheon too. Kihyun’s in the bathroom.” And before Changkyun can say bye, Minhyuk and Jooheon are waving and out the door. Gone as quickly as Changkyun had come.
Chankyun’s only just caught his breath when Kihyun comes in. His hair is orange and perfectly styled, and his clothes look so good on him because for once their his and not Wonho’s oversized ones that he always wears. Suddenly Changkyun’s out of breath again.
“Oh,” Kihyun says upon noticing Changkyun. “Hey.” Changkyun feels weird, awkward even. This was his best friend, no, this is his best friend. It shouldn’t feel like this. Whatever this is. Changkyun doesn’t know what to say. Would a ‘hi’ really let Kihyun know what Changkyun really wants to say? That Changkyun wants so bad to ask if they can really be like they were before, that Wonho breaking up with him didn’t change anything between them.
But Changkyun says it anyways, because what else could he do? Kihyun smiles, it looks forced and Changkyun hates how it looks. “So,” Kihyun sit down, stretching out. “Why did you stop by?”
“What? Can’t come by my own practice room?” Changkyun asks, jokingly. Kihyun chuckles, still stretching out. Changkyun wants to tell him he should hold for longer, that it’ll work his muscles out more. He doesn’t though, somehow scared because fuck, he’s still not used to being around Kihyun this much without Wonho whisking him away.
“No, you’re right. I was just wondering.” Kihyun says after he’s done. He then stands and walks over to the stereo, going through CD’s as if trying to decide what to put on for warm up. Changkyun watches idly, wondering what he should say. Should he lie? Say it was just to practice and not because he had to know if Kihyun was actually alone without Wonho? He could do that, lie. But then he’d never get his feelings across. Never get to tell Kihyun how great it was to see him in his room last night.
“Just wanted to see you. Make sure it was for real.” Changkyun answers after pondering for a moment. Kihyun picks one and puts it in. The music starts, but Kihyun doesn’t move. Changkyun watches, suddenly worried Kihyun’s about to bolt when he walks towards the door. Instead he stops half way to Changkyun.
Kihyun looks up, straight to the ceiling to avoid Changkyun’s eyes. “What’s that mean?” Kihyun asks. It doesn’t really sound like a question though, as if Kihyun knows exactly why Changkyun’s here right now.
Changkyun doesn’t mean to, but he steps closer, scoffing as he takes a hold of Kihyun’s shoulder, getting his full attention. “What’s it mean? What do you think it means?” Changkyun asks, aware he sounds mad, because he is. Kihyun looks everywhere, anywhere but Changkyun’s face.
“I d-don’t know..” Kihyun mutters at the lamp he’s currently focused on over Changkyun’s shoulder. Changkyun wants to yell, but his voice comes out sounding like he’s about to cry. Probably because he is.
“You know what that means! It means I woke up thinking what you said last night was a dream, Kihyun. Do you know how surreal this is for me? I’m sorry if you can just walk in and out of people's lives like it’s nothing, but I can’t. You left.” Changkyun’s breath hitches, and Kihyun’s eyes are on the floor now, like it’s the prettiest piece of art he’s ever seen.
“I never left, Changkyun. I was still here.” Kihyun whispers.
“That’s what makes it so bad! You were right there, but it was like you were gone.” Changkyun’s grip tightens and he moves forward, only stopping when Kihyun’s back hits the wall. Quick beating pop-music plays around them and it’s so different from the current feelings in the room, Changkyun almost laughs, but instead just keeps talking. “Do you know how alone I felt? The person I share everything with, tell everything to, just up and disappears. I ran here just to see if you were really here, with someone other than Wonho-hyung. Even now I’m scared it was a dream, that he’ll come in and walk out with you.” Kihyun grimaces, eyes closing and leaning back into the wall.
“Let go. Please, Changkyun..” Kihyun’s got tears going down his face, though his voice is loud and clear. Changkyun lets go and takes a step back once he realizes how tight he’d been pushing and holding onto Kihyun.
Changkyun’s about to ask him if he’s okay, really hoping the tears aren’t from pain. But as soon as Changkyun backs off, Kihyun’s running and out the door. The music stops and a new songs starts playing, Changkyun sits on the floor and let it play. Had he said too much? Did he hurt Kihyun, or was he mad he’d brought up Wonho? Changkyun sits while the next song plays, and the next one, and the next one.
He only goes back to the dorms when the album plays the whole way through fives times.
---
It’s pretty late when Changkyun goes back. The lights are out, all except for the TV that someone who’s probably asleep is watching. Changkyun takes off his shoes and gets a cup of water. If Shownu asks where he was in the morning he can always say he was practicing. After all, he had been in the practice room. Though he did more thinking and crying than actual movement.
He finishes his glass and walks towards his bedroom when a figure on the couch sits up. Thank god it’s not Shownu because otherwise he’d probably get a lecture. It’s Minhyuk though, and the way he’s looking at Changkyun has him thinking maybe he’d rather it have been the leader.
“Hey, hyung.” Changkyun says. “Goodnight.” He adds on, trying to make a quick escape. But Minhyuk isn’t letting him go that quick. Figures.
“Changkyun, can we talk?” Minhyuk asks, or rather commands. Changkyun nods and sits down next to him. Minhyuk looks a little… disappointed? “Kihyun came in crying.” Minhyuk says, eyes still intently on Changkyun. “What was that about?”
Changkyun would answer, really he would, but he doesn’t know. “I wish I knew.” He says, because in all honesty he does. Minhyuk looks doubtful for a second before getting up with a sigh.
“He’s still awake.” Minhyuk says. Changkyun looks at him and is about to ask ‘so?’, but then he continues. “So you better fix whatever it is.” And then Minhyuk’s walking away, muttering something about ‘idiots crying over boys.. boys! for fucks sakes..’
Changkyun feels nervous. Fix it? How? He didn’t even know what he was supposed to be fixing. Either way, something brings him to Kihyun’s bedroom door. Shaky hand knocking thrice. Kihyun opens the door wearily.
“Changkyun?” He asks.
“The one and only.”
A flash of Kihyun’s real smile shows as Kihyun opens the door for Changkyun to step in. It feels weird. It’s exactly how Changkyun remembers it, it didn’t change or anything, but it still looks.. new. It’s definitely the first time he’s been here in awhile. Kihyun sits on his bed and watches Changkyun look around with a smile on his face.
“Miss it that much?” Kihyun asks with a snort. Changkyun snaps out of it and looks to Kihyun, smiling too. He shakes his head yes because he knows if he opened his mouth he would have said something embarrassing like, ‘oh fuck yes, so much you have no idea’. “I thought you were mad at me.” Kihyun says, eyes on his own feet.
Changkyun sits down a little closer than he should have, making Kihyun flinch. It hurt Changkyun to see it. “Kihyun look at me.” Kihyun slowly does. “I’m.. I’m mad about.. about a lot of things that happened. But I’m not mad at you, couldn’t be if I tried.” Changkyun tells him, keeping eye contact. “And I don’t know what came over me in the practice room, but I’m really sorry if I hurt you. Just want you to know I’d.. I’d never hurt you, not on purpose.”
Kihyun looks physically relived. His body relaxing, even not moving when Changkyun gets all the way onto the bed and sits right next to him. He laughs, loud and tired. “Thank god.”
Changkyun laughs too, just because. Because he’s here with Kihyun, and things feel like they’re getting better already. When the silence goes on too long Kihyun gets off the bed. Changkyun thinks he’s going to say goodnight, have him leave or something, but instead comes right back. Two gaming controllers in his hands, one held out to Changkyun. He takes it with a smile and Kihyun starts up their favorite game.
--
It’s over ten rounds, a case of soda, and four hours later that Kihyun loses yet again. “Shit!” Kihyun almost yells, catching himself just in time. He throws the controller at Changkyun who blocks it with a pillow and a laugh.
“Sore loser.” Changkyun teases. Kihyun pretends to be mad, but ends up laughing. Changkyun lays all the way down, stretching obnoxiously across the bed. Kihyun yawns and tried to push Changkyun with no luck.
“Go get my controller.” Kihyun says, pulling on Changkyun’s arm.
Changkyun pulls back. “Make me.” Kihyun loses his balance and falls forward, right over top Changkyun, only catching himself an inch from the others face. They stay like that for a moment. Kihyun breathing so close to him that Changkyun can feel it. No one moves, and Changkyun doesn’t know exactly why, but he moves. Up. And his lips are suddenly on Kihyun’s.
Kihyun doesn’t pull away, so Changkyun does, sitting up with Kihyun still on him. Changkyun’s hands settle on Kihyun’s hips, Kihyun now straddling him. So many feelings of how wrong this is are going through Changkyun’s mind, but it feels so right, and that’s all it takes for Changkyun to stay right where he is.
Kihyun licks his lips and looks like he’s about to lean in when the door flies open. “Keep it down! It’s fucking 4AM, Changkyun go to your room right now.” It’s Shownu and Changkyun is practically pushing Kihyun off his lap to get up. Kihyun’s giggling and Changkyun’s trying not to laugh as Shownu guides him to his own bedroom. “Get to bed.” Shownu says sternly, though the smile he has tells Changkyun that he isn’t the only one glad him and Kihyun made up.
Shownu shuts his door and Changkyun gets into bed. He’s tired, but he still feels giddy. Kihyun was back again, as his best friend. Right? Right. It wasn’t a dream. Changkyun falls asleep fast, still wondering though, were they only just friends? Part of Changkyun’s heart aches and he doesn't know why. He pushes the feeling away, at least for tonight anyway.
After all, he has time to figure this out.