Archive of Our Own

Rolling his eyes, Suguru sits on the edge of Satoru’s bed and says, “It’s shocking to me how you can never be ready on time for anything.”

“Staying this beautiful takes maintenance,” Satoru laughs and rubs his moisturizer into his skin. He glances at Suguru, who is wearing a button up and loose-fitting jeans. And Satoru’s face warms, ‘cause, fuck him, Suguru always looks so good all the time and he doesn’t even have to try. He’s so majestic. And gorgeous. And perfect. And Satoru is so in love with him it’s actually insane. 

Suguru hums and runs his fingers through his hair. Another thing Satoru cannot get enough of is Suguru’s hair— he never lets anyone touch it, which is fine, but Satoru loves to admire it from afar. He takes such good care of it. It’s like, Angel’s wings, or something. Every strand is perfect and it frames Suguru’s face perfectly.

Massaging sunscreen into his pores, Satoru adds, “Plus, I doubt everyone else will be there on time. It’s New Year’s Eve. As long as you’re there before midnight it’s okay.”

“Still. It’s nice to be there when the party starts. Especially since Nanami is hosting this year.”

Every year, someone different in their group of friends hosts their New Year’s Eve party. Last year it was Utahime, the year before that it was Shoko, the year before that it was Ijichi, and the year before that it was Suguru and Satoru. It’s one of their long-standing traditions. They started it in highschool and kept it going after graduation. Satoru loves it.

“Bleh,” Satoru makes a gagging noise. “He’ll be fine.” And then he turns to Suguru and grins, “So.. do you have a plan for your New Year’s kiss?”

Another one of their traditions, as a friend group, was to always have a New Year’s kiss. Every year. Satoru can’t even remember who his kiss from last year was, because he was so drunk. He hates drinking because he’s such a lightweight, but New Year’s Eve is the one day a year he drinks, and everyone makes fun of him for getting wasted, but it’s always a good time. 

Suguru tilts his head to the side and makes a face, “I don’t have anyone specific in mind. Probably whoever’s near me.”

Whoever’s near him? Satoru thinks about this. If Satoru is the only one near Suguru when the clock strikes midnight, maybe— no definitely, Suguru would kiss him. And, if it’s good, if it’s a good romantic kiss then Satoru can finally confess his feelings. He’ll tell Suguru how he thinks about them cuddling together every night before he goes to bed, about how every time Suguru’s fingers brush against Satoru’s arms he tingles like he’s been stabbed by the thorns of a soft lovely flower, about how ever since they first met when they were kids, he’s had the most intense crush on him and eventually it evolved into real true love and Satoru has never felt anything purer than it.

“Satoru?” Suguru’s voice breaks Satoru out of his trance. “Where’d you go?”

“I’m still here, don’t worry. Spaced out,” Satoru flashes his teeth. “I have someone in mind to kiss this year.”

Suguru seems a little surprised, “Really? You’re not going to get too drunk and make out with the first person you see when the clock strikes midnight like you did last year?”

Satoru rubs his forehead. “I won’t drink too much this year. I’m trusting you to be my watchdog.”

“The second you called me a dog, the answer was no,” Suguru frowns. “Plus, why would I spend my time monitoring you? You should be able to handle yourself. You’re becoming too reliant on me.”

Jutting his lower lip out, Satoru pouts, “But Suguruuuuu!”

Suguru shakes his head, “Not gonna do it.” He raises his eyebrows, “Why don’t you stay sober this year?”

“No,” Satoru shuts that idea down quickly. “It’s the one day a year I drink. It’s tradition.”

“Traditions can be broken.”

“I don’t want to break it, though,” Satoru gently applies lash serum to his eyelashes. He likes having them long. “It’ll be fine. Everything always works out.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Suguru hums, leaning back onto the headboard of Satoru’s bed. “Can you hurry up?”

“Don’t rush me,” Satoru says. “You should try this serum, it works so well.”

“Maybe I’ll try it one day when we’re not running late to a party,” Suguru responds, sarcastically.

“Patience is a virtue, Suguru,” Satoru tries to keep a straight face but after a few seconds he bursts out laughing.

And then Suguru starts making one of his annoyed faces. He has three main ones for Satoru that he switches between:

Annoyed Face #1 is for when he’s actually pissed off at Satoru and wants to kill him. It’s been used in situations where Satoru has used all of the hot water in their apartment right before Suguru got home from work, when Satoru ate the last of the pie that Suguru was saving for himself (he hid it in the bottom of the fridge, but Satoru thought it was old so he ate it), and when Satoru is joking in situations where Suguru is being serious. 

Annoyed Face #2 is for when he thinks Satoru is being too cocky. It’s typically used when Satoru makes a comment about being stronger than everyone else, or about how beautiful he is, or about how everyone loves him and he’s perfect. Or when Satoru talks about how he could bag celebrities like Jennifer Lawrence, because he’s on her level of attractiveness (probably even more attractive, if he’s telling the truth). This is his least favorite Annoyed Face.

Annoyed Face #3 is for when Suguru is annoyed that he finds Satoru funny. This is the one that he’s using right now. It’s used when Satoru tells a good joke or says something that makes Suguru laugh in a situation where he’s trying not to laugh. It’s Satoru’s absolute favorite Annoyed Face, because Suguru looks so cute when he makes it. He loves the way Suguru’s cheeks give away his true emotions all the time even when his face does not, ‘cause whenever there’s a slight tinge of red on his cheeks, Satoru knows that Suguru is entertained/happy.

Putting the cap on his lash serum, Satoru looks at himself in the mirror and flutters his lashes. It seriously must be hard for everyone else to be around someone so gorgeous. He smiles to himself. He’s pretty much ready, wearing a button-up and slacks, and his hair semi-neatly combed (Satoru likes the half-messy look) and parted in the middle. He turns his head and looks at Suguru, who is watching Satoru with an unreadable expression on his face, and says, “I’m ready if you are.”

“I’ve been ready,” Suguru hops off of Satoru’s bed, and punches him in the shoulder, walking out of Satoru’s room and probably towards the door to leave. “I’m starting the car. Come on.”

Satoru grabs his tinted lip lacquer— yes, he wears lip lacquer because it makes his lips look great, and then he heads out the door to meet Suguru in the car.

Suguru always drives ‘cause sometimes Satoru gets distracted and forgets that he’s supposed to be paying attention to the road. Suguru calls him a bad driver because of this, but Satoru doesn’t think so. Besides the getting distracted part, Satoru is really good at following the rules of the road, and stuff (Unlike Suguru! Who has run multiple red lights! And has a slight case of road rage!)

“Buckle,” Suguru says to Satoru.

“Oh, yeah,” Satoru puts on his seatbelt. One thing he always forgets to do is buckle. He kind of has this mindset that being buckled won’t help him in a serious car accident, even though he knows that’s probably not true, but, because of that he never cares about buckling. The good thing is that Suguru is a stickler for (certain) car safety rules, so he never starts the car until Satoru is buckled. 

“I’m genuinely worried for the day you move into your own apartment,” Suguru comments, starting the car. That comment weirds Satoru out. And he expresses this by pinching his eyebrows together. And Suguru notices, “What?”

“Why would I move into my own apartment?” Satoru asks, hesitantly, ‘cause he doesn’t really want to know the answer, but also curiosity killed the cat.

Suguru looks kinda confused, “Were you planning on living together forever?”

Well. Yeah. Satoru taps his fingers on the armrest.

“You’re such a child, Satoru,” And if anyone else said that to him, Satoru would be offended and upset, but when Suguru says it, it has a softness behind it that makes Satoru melt. 

Satoru smiles, sheepishly, “Yeah, I guess.”

“I do enjoy living with you,” Suguru starts explaining. “But, we’ve lived together since college. Someday soon we’re going to have to grow up and get our own places. We’re twenty-three.”

“What if I don’t want to grow up,” Satoru mumbles.

“I don’t think that’s an option,” Suguru laughs quietly. Then he quickly takes his eyes away from the road and glances at Satoru’s expression and then he sighs, “I wouldn’t leave you first, okay? I’ll live with you until you decide you want to leave.”

That releases the tension in Satoru’s shoulders. He smiles, “You might be stuck with me forever, then.”

“I don’t think so,” Suguru says.

“Why would I ever leave?” Satoru genuinely asks.

Suguru bites his lip, “Shit happens.”

“Not with us. Never with us.” In the five years that they’ve lived together, they’ve never had more than petty arguments that were resolved in less than a day. They’re the perfect roommates and they understand each other, and they’re basically the same person. They like the same movies, the same TV shows, the same snacks, and they’re best friends. Nothing could ever happen to change that. That’s the one thing that Satoru knows for sure. Suguru is the only constant in his life and he wants it to be that way forever. “You’re my best friend.”

“You’re mine too,” Suguru seems to be gripping the steering wheel harder than he was before. “You’re right, Satoru, nothing will happen. We’ll be fine.”

Satoru raises an eyebrow, “You’re acting weird. Is something wrong?”

“No,” Suguru mumbles. “I think it’s the fact that a New Year is coming up.”

“Ah,” Satoru pretends to accept that excuse. “Yeah.”

“Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?”

Satoru thinks about it. He hasn’t exactly thought about his future outside of Suguru. What does he want to change in the next year? What is there that he can be better at? He’s so good at everything. He narrows his eyes as he presses his mind for something, “Maybe to grow out my hair?”

Suguru laughs, “That’s a resolution?”

“Yeah,” Satoru pulls a strand of his own hair in front of his face and looks at it. It’s nowhere near as long as Suguru’s. “Your long hair is so pretty.”

“So you want it to be as long as mine?” Suguru asks.

“Not that long. I wouldn’t be able to take care of it.” Satoru shakes his head. “I’d say shoulder-length.”

“That would look good on you.”

Ziiinggggggg, it feels like an arrow goes through Satoru’s heart. He curses cupid. I’m already in love with him, why do you have to keep shooting me with your arrows! That shit hurts!

“Thanks,” Satoru says, voice slightly shaking. So, he’s definitely growing out his hair now. If Suguru will like it then he’ll do it. He rubs his cheeks to get the blush to stop forming on his face, and when he’s sure it disappears, he decides to look out the window.

Nanami’s house isn’t too far from their apartment. They’re almost there. The neighborhood he lives in is sort of detached from the rest of the city. Suguru has to take a right turn onto a rocky gravel road, and drive a few minutes, to get to just the entrance of Nanami’s neighborhood.

“It’s so nice here,” Suguru comments as they drive past the other houses. They’re all only two-stories but they’re gigantic and on large stretches of land. 

“Would you want to live here?” Satoru asks, leaning back in his seat. “Someday?”

Suguru nods, “Yes. Ideally. It’s nice and quiet.”

“I hate the quiet,” Satoru mumbles. “I prefer the noise of the city.”

There are a bunch of cars already parked outside of Nanami’s house. Suguru has to park by the sidewalk a few houses down. 

As they get out of the car and walk towards Nanami’s house, Suguru says, “See, if we’d gotten here earlier, we’d have been able to get a closer parking spot.”

Nudging Suguru’s shoulder, Satoru says, “C’mon, it’s not that serious. It’s like a minute long walk.”

Suguru grunts.

“Are you excited to see everyone?” Satoru asks, kicking a rock.

“Of course. It’s been so long.”

“Yeah,” They couldn’t all meet up for Thanksgiving or Christmas, so this is the first time they’re all gathering in about a year. Satoru has seen Shoko and Ijichi a few times in the past year, but everyone else has been on too different schedules for him to meet up with them. But, honestly, Suguru means more to Satoru than all of their friends combined. 

“Smile,” Suguru says. “You look weird when you’re thinking.”

Satoru laughs, “Yeah, yeah.”

They knock on the door and Nanami opens it within a few seconds. He’s wearing his usual blue suit and tie. He nods at the both of them and sticks out his hand as a greeting, “Hello. Satoru. Suguru.”

“Nanamin!” Satoru throws his arms around Nanami’s neck and gives him a tight hug. “We missed you!”

Nanami lightly pushes Satoru away and nods, “I’ve missed you two as well.”

“How have you been?” Suguru asks, pulling Satoru back. “Doing good?”

“Yes, I am,” Nanami nods again. He steps aside to let Suguru and Satoru in. “Drinks are in the freezer. Most people are in the basement, but you’re free to go anywhere in the house. Except for my room, Satoru.”

Satoru shivers and nods frantically, reminded of the day a few years ago where they were all hanging out at Nanami’s house, and Nanami found Satoru snooping around his room and got angrier than he’d ever seen him in his life. Satoru hadn’t meant to snoop, he kind of just found himself in Nanami’s room and didn’t leave— which, yeah, maybe he should’ve left, but Nanami has so much cool vintage stuff. 

“Alright, thank you Nanami,” Suguru smiles at him and then grabs Satoru’s wrist and they walk to the freezer.

Satoru lights up when he sees the alcohol. He grabs a can of beer and opens it. And then he notices Suguru watching him weirdly and asks, “What’s up?”

“Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to drink tonight?” Suguru questions.

Rolling his eyes, Satoru says, “Yeah, I told you I’ll be fine. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” Satoru starts chugging the beer. When he finishes, he makes a gagging noise. Beer is disgusting, but it’s really the only drink that doesn’t get Satoru fucked up too quick. He’ll have one more for now. He reaches towards the freezer again, but Suguru grabs his arm.

“Satoru,” Suguru warns.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Satoru is getting a little annoyed now. He wants to loosen up and have fun. Suguru needs to calm down. “The worst thing that can happen is I get too wasted and you have to carry me to the car. That’s no big deal.”

“Well, I’m the one whose New Year’s will be ruined by having to lug your drunk ass back to our apartment,” Suguru murmurs. “You need to think about other people. Don’t be selfish.”

Pissed, Satoru shakes off Suguru’s hand and grabs another beer and chugs it right in front of him. “I’m fine!” He says, a little too loud, and then turns around to go to the basement. He sees a few people he recognizes on the way, and waves and smiles at them, ignoring the pang in his heart from the interaction he and Suguru just had. 

Satoru always, always, always thinks about Suguru’s feelings. Sometimes it feels like that’s all he does. All he does is think about what he can do to make Suguru feel better, and how Suguru is doing, and how to not make Suguru upset— that’s all he does. And to be accused of being selfish? By Suguru? Like, sure, Satoru is selfish with everyone else, literally everyone else besides Suguru. Because Suguru is Satoru’s one and only. He means so much to him.

After stepping down the stairs, Satoru makes eye contact with Shoko and immediately runs over to give her a hug. She laughs and hugs him back, probably/definitely already tipsy. “Hi Saaatoru!”

“Hi Shooooooko,” Satoru laughs and leans back. “I’m so excited to see you! Suguru is being a bitch right now.”

“Suguru is always a bitch,” Shoko cackles, taking a sip of whatever red liquid is in her cup. “Less so to you, though. I’m surprised you two are fighting on New Year’s Eve.”

“He doesn’t want me to drink,” Satoru explains. “And I’m like, who are you to force me to stay sober on the one day a year I allow myself to get drunk!”

“Oh… shit, wait, Satoru, maybe you shouldn’t drink.” Shoko’s expression quickly shifts to one of concern. “Last New Year’s Eve, well, Suguru went through a lot with you when you were drunk. Maybe give him a break.”

“Whaddya mean? I was barely with Suguru. He told me I was busy flirting and making out with someone all night,” Satoru is so confused.

Shoko makes a face and says, “Okay, buddy, you’ve got to ask Suguru about this. He should be the one to tell you.”

“Ask Suguru about.. what?”

Shoko pats Satoru’s shoulder, “Ask him what happened last year. If he doesn’t tell you, then come to me and I will.”

“What are you talking about…?” Satoru’s voice trails off.

Utahime comes up to Shoko and they start chatting, and Satoru is still standing there, almost frozen, trying to rack his brain. What happened last New Years? He can’t remember a thing. What does any of it have to do with Suguru? 

Shit, well that means he needs to find Suguru. Satoru rushes upstairs, sort of stumbling, ‘cause the two beers already got him a little drunk. He bumps into a bunch of people and has to pause his search in order to greet them. And he asks them all if they’ve seen Suguru and no one seems to know.

Wait… Satoru pauses. Okay, he thinks he knows where Suguru could be. He walks outside, to the back of Nanami’s house. And he sees Suguru chain smoking cigarettes while leaning against the wall. He looks like a model. He’s so beautiful.

Suguru notices Satoru walking towards him, and sends him a sharp glare.

“Su-gu-ru!” Satoru smiles, trying to ease the tension between them. It doesn’t work. He clasps his hands behind his back and says, “Shoko.. wanted me to ask you what happened last year? She said it’s the reason you don’t want me to drink tonight. Which is strange. You should’ve seen her face. And I was like, all that happened last year was me making out with some rando and you taking me home. But.. you were the one who told me that story, so.. if it’s not true, I think I have the right to know.”

The moment that Satoru says the words ‘last year’ Suguru freezes up like a deer caught in headlights. His cigarette falls out of his fingers and drops on the ground, and it almost happens in slow motion. 

“So, it’s true?” Satoru can’t help but frown. “You lied to me?”

“I didn’t lie,” Suguru says, quietly.

“You didn’t tell me the truth, which I think is lying.”

Suguru looks distressed. He’s breathing erratically and his entire body is flushed. “I didn’t lie.”

“Fuck, Suguru,” Satoru leans on the wall and crosses his arms. “You had me believing you for a year, that’s, that’s pretty crazy, man.”

“I didn’t lie.”

“Suguru,” Satoru blinks. “I’m not really upset. I’m sure you had your reasons for not telling me. But it’s been a year, so it couldn’t hurt to tell me what happened now. Did I embarrass you? Or spill one of your secrets?”

Suguru opens his mouth and then closes it. And then opens and closes it again. Like a fish. Satoru has never seen Suguru so flustered before. He needs to know what happened. And why Suguru would ever keep something from him. 

“Su,” Satoru only uses that pet name for Suguru when he’s serious. Not because he doesn’t love pet names, he has one for almost all of his friends, but because he loves the way the name Suguru sounds coming out of his mouth and he never wants to say anything else. So he only shortens it when he’s too upset to say Suguru’s full name. “What the hell happened?”

“I can’t tell you,” Suguru says, looking pained. “I wish I could. But, I can’t. I’m not ready.”

“You’re not ready?”

“Please, just,” Suguru bites his lip. “Fuck. Satoru, I need to leave. Can you find another ride back?”

What the hell? “No, I can’t find another ride back?” Satoru says, upset. “What happened that’s so awful that you can’t tell me? The fuck. Something so bad you’d try and stop me from drinking again this year..?”

Satoru has never seen Suguru cry, ever. He knows that Suguru does cry on his own, but he never cries in front of other people, because he hates to be seen as weak. He always puts up a front. But, in that moment, the tears rushing down Suguru’s face were real.

Instinctively, Satoru uses his fingers to wipe them off Suguru’s cheeks. And he’s hurt. It hurts so bad to see someone he loves cry. He starts apologizing, even though he doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Whatever I did, I’m sorry.”

Suguru shakes his head and steps away from Satoru, “It wasn’t your fault. I shouldn’t have kept it from you, but I thought it was the best thing to do, and so I told everyone not to tell you and now it’s been a whole year and… And I’m supposed to be your best friend and protect you, and, fuck—” He sniffs and breaks eye contact. “Remember how I told you that last year you were flirting and making out with some guy all night?”

“Yeah…” Satoru remembers thinking it was weird that he’d flirt with anyone but Suguru, because Satoru is so helplessly in love with Suguru and he can’t imagine being interested in anyone else. He rationalized it by saying that he was probably imagining the guy was Suguru. “So that wasn’t true?”

“It was true, but, Satoru,” Suguru pauses for a second and then quietly says. “The guy was me.” 

“Huh?” Satoru cocks his head to the side. Satoru flirted with Suguru all night? And made out with him? And he doesn’t remember any of this. And Suguru decided to tell everyone not to tell him what happened? Satoru is confused, and hurt, and betrayed, and embarrassed and he can’t help but look at Suguru like he’s a stranger. “Wait, what, we kissed and you . . . kept that from me? For a year?”

“I panicked,” Suguru chokes out. “I’m sorry.”

This time, Satoru is the one taking steps away. He’s not upset that the two of them had kissed, that’s what Satoru had always wanted, but he’s upset that Suguru was so embarrassed by it that he kept it from him for a year. Three hundred and sixty five days that Suguru, his best friend in the entire world, lied to him about something so important. He doesn’t know what to feel or what to do. All he knows is that he can’t be around Suguru right now. “I’ll find a ride home,” his voice cracks on each syllable he says, “I need space, Su.”

Suguru nods, his chest heaving up and down.

One part of Satoru wants to go to Suguru and comfort him, and the other part of Satoru needs to get as far away from Suguru as possible. And he listens to the latter half and goes back inside. He grabs another beer, even though he knows he shouldn’t. He thinks he’s just doing things that Suguru doesn’t want him to do at this point. Maybe to make him upset.

Satoru dances. He sings. He talks to people. He ignores everything that happened. Until the time is 11:30, and Satoru sits down on the couch and thinks about his plan to kiss Suguru at midnight and confess to him. When he made that plan he had no idea that he had already kissed Suguru. Isn’t that heartbreaking..? 

“Hey dork,” Shoko sits down next to Satoru and punches his shoulder. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail now, and she’s covered in sweat from all the moving around she’s been doing. “So, he told you?”

Satoru nods. He’s too exhausted to be mad at Shoko. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“Well,” Shoko stares up at the ceiling. “I guess I felt bad for him? Imagine someone you’re so desperately in love with, making you feel like you’re the only guy in the world and making out with you, and then the next day realizing that he didn’t exactly mean it and he was just drunk out of his mind.”

“Wait,” Satoru’s breath hitches. “Desperately in love with?”

“Fuck,” Shoko snaps her head to the side. “He didn’t tell you that part, did he?”

Satoru’s brain hurts. Right now it’s stuck in a limbo between, ‘ohmygodmyfavoritepersonintheworldisinlovewithmehehehehe’ and ‘istilllowkeyfeelbetrayedthathedidnttellmeanyofthisforayear.’ But, fuck. What the fuck? He stands up from the couch. “There’s no fucking way.”

“Satoru, can you at least let him down easily?” Shoko stands up too. “You know, Suguru tries not to show it but he is so fragile.”

“Let him down????” Satoru frowns, incredulously. “Shoko, I am so fucking seriously in love with that man. I can’t even, fucking, I can’t function without constantly thinking about how much I want him to be around all the time.”

Shoko looks shocked, “Wait, seriously? You love him too?” And then realization dawns on her face and she says, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay, yeah. That makes a lot more sense. Yeah.”

“Shit. I gotta… I gotta go see him, I gotta find him.” Satoru opens his phone and checks Suguru’s location. He’s at their apartment. Guess he drove home after they talked. “Hey Shoko, can you give me a ride back to my apartment?”

“Well, I am.. so fucking blasted right now,” Shoko laughs sheepishly. “Hold on, lemme see if Uta’s around here.” 

“Uta?”

“Utahime.” Shoko starts looking around. And then she sees Utahime dancing with a group of people (well, Utahime’s version of dancing which is swaying side to side), and Satoru swears he can see her eyes dilate. “Be right back.”

She gets up from the couch and goes up to Utahime, and the minute that Utahime sees her, her face softens. They chat for a minute, and then Shoko points to Satoru, and then Utahime makes a face, and then Shoko says something, and it must have been convincing because then Utahime scratches the back of her neck and nods. And Shoko grins and walks back over to the couch.

“We’ve got our driver!” Shoko raises her hands in the air.

Satoru laughs and does the same. 

—

“Are you guys sure he’s in love with me?” Using his phone camera as a mirror, Satoru fixes his hair (makes it look slightly messier). “Because if I go in there, and he’s not, that’d be really embarrassing.”

“Oh my god, yes we’re sure,” Utahime groans from the driver's seat. “How many times are you going to ask us that?”

“Sorry,” Satoru laughs, nervously. He leans up from the backseat and puts his elbows on the storage compartment in between Utahime and Shoko, and groans, “I’m nervous. Isn’t that weird? I’m nervous. I was planning on confessing to him later tonight, but I never really thought I’d actually do it. And now I have to do it. Woah. That’s so crazy. Hey, guys, are you really sure he’s in love with me?”

“All he does when we hang out is talk about how much he loves your big blue eyes,” Shoko punches Satoru’s shoulder lightly. “So, yes, we are sure he’s in love with you.”

“Aww, that’s sweet,” Satoru’s heart warms. “Wait— you guys hang out without me?”

“Well, yeah,” Utahime murmurs. “We go out for drinks a bunch.”

Frowning, Satoru asks, “And you don’t invite me?”

Shoko raises her eyebrows, “If we invited you, we’d all have to stop you from getting alcohol poisoning— so no. Also, Suguru never wants to invite you because he gets worried he’ll, like, drunkenly confess to you.”

“That would be so cute,” Satoru says, smiling goofily, thinking about Suguru being flushed and talking about how much he loves him. “Agh, Suguru is so cute! I can’t believe I got mad at him earlier! Shit. What if he’s setting up a bomb and the moment I get in there it’s gonna go off and kill me?”

“Satoru,” Utahime parks the car in front of their apartment—Satoru hadn’t even realized they were there. “Get out.”

“He probably won’t kill you,” Shoko smiles.

“I hope he does,” Utahime mumbles.

Shoko laughs, “Uta, be nice.”

And it’s so sweet the way they look at each other, that it’s almost gross. Satoru makes a face, “You two are so cheesy.” He opens the car door and waves at the two of them, wondering if that’s what it looks like when he and Suguru look at each other. He kinda hopes it is. “Bye!”

Satoru runs towards the apartment. He checks his watch while he waits for the elevator. 11:50. Ten minutes until the big moment. Satoru is sure that he can get his confession out in time for the new year. Probably. He unlocks the door and runs inside. 

The minute he swings open Suguru’s door and sees him sitting on his bed with red eyes and a red nose, and a bunch of tissues around him, he freezes and he feels so shitty and he forgets everything that he wanted to say. 

Suguru blinks at Satoru, like he’s just seen a ghost, and he softly says, “Are you actually here?”

“Yeah,” Satoru forces the words out, feeling so out of breath all of a sudden. He always thought that confessing would come easy, because he thinks about how much he loves Suguru all the time. But it’s seriously scary. Even though he knows that Suguru loves him too, it’s so scary. “I’m real.”

“You’re real,” Suguru repeats, quietly. He rubs his nose, “I thought you said you needed space.”

“I’m in love with you?” Satoru says, and it comes out like it’s a question.

Suguru’s eyes widen and all he does is blink at Satoru.

Fuck, okay, this is not going the way Satoru expected it to. He thought there would be cheers and hugging and kissing and then romantic music would play like a drama, and flowers would come out of the sky, and it’d be so beautiful. But it… is very silent right now. And Satoru feels awkward standing by the door like this. And Suguru is still just staring.

Shoko and Utahime insisted that Suguru was in love with Satoru, but maybe they were wrong! Yeah, they had to be wrong. Because the face that Suguru is making is not the face of someone who’s in love with their best friend. 

“I take it back,” Satoru says, still physically frozen.

That seems to snap Suguru out of his trance, “You’re taking that back?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” He frowns.

“‘Cause you don’t feel the same.”

“I never said that,” Suguru starts smiling gently.

“Okay,” Satoru’s cheeks warm. Suguru is looking at Satoru like Shoko was looking at Utahime earlier. That’s when Satoru realizes that there’s no denying that Suguru is in love with him. And his heart starts jumping out of his chest. “Did you know I hate cupid?”

Suguru stands up from his bed and raises his eyebrows, “Why?”

“‘Cause, um,” Satoru feels so shy right now. Damn Suguru’s lovely brown eyes and the way that he always stares so deeply into Satoru’s soul. “He, when I’m with you, he always shoots me over and over again. And I’m like, I’m already in love with him. I don’t need more arrows in my ass, y’know?”

A laugh bubbles out of Suguru’s throat, “Arrows in your ass?”

Satoru quietly says, “Yeah, um. Yeah.”

“Are you nervous?” Suguru laughs more, and softly places his hands on Satoru’s hips. 

“Stop teasing me,” Satoru breaks eye contact with Suguru. “It’s not funny.”

“Oh it’s so funny,” Suguru leans closer to Satoru. “Hey, look at me.”

“No,” Satoru says, jutting his bottom lip out in a pout. “I’m being super vulnerable right now and all you’re doing is making fun of me.”

“You’re mad?” Suguru asks, squeezing Satoru’s hips lightly. 

Fuck, Satoru is so in love with him. He shifts his gaze back to Suguru, and, ohmygod, his pupils are definitely dilated a bunch. Too cute. And he’s smiling, and when he smiles his cheeks get so big and it’s so cute. Satoru pokes Suguru’s left cheek right where his dimple is. 

Suguru looks in Satoru’s eyes for something, and then he asks, “Satoru, how drunk are you?”

“I’m barely drunk,” Satoru responds, and he’s being honest. During the time he was sulking on the couch at Nanami’s house, he sobered up a bunch. “Forreal.”

“Okay,” Suguru nods. “Then,” He starts, “Satoru, I am so in love with you. I talk about you all the time when I’m around other people and it’s completely humiliating. I think about you so much that sometimes I think I’m going crazy. And, I feel so fucking horrible about not telling you that we kissed, and I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you the second I realized you didn’t remember.”

Hearing the words ‘I am so in love with you’ come out of Suguru’s mouth is better than anything Satoru could’ve ever wished for. A boyish grin spreads to his face, and he starts giggling.

“You’re so childish,” Suguru snorts, making Annoyed Face #3.

“My response is better than yours!” Satoru says, in between giggles. “All you did was blink at me!”

“Better than laughing!” Suguru exclaims.

“Eh,” Satoru shrugs, pressing both of his hands against both of Suguru’s cheeks. “Agree to disagree?”

Suguru’s face is so flushed it’s funny. He blinks at Satoru and then grins, “Yeah. Agree to disagree.”

“I do have one more question about what happened last year…” Satoru says.

“Hm.. what is it?”

Smirking, Satoru asks, “Was I a good kisser?”

Suguru’s eyes flick down to Satoru’s lips, “I don’t want to inflate your ego. But.”

“But?”

“It was the most amazing kiss I’ve ever had in my entire life,” Suguru’s smile is so radiant.

Satoru isn’t strong enough to handle all of this. He drops his hands down to Suguru’s shoulders and says, “Will you marry me? Please. Please. Please. Please.”

“Probably eventually.”

Pouting, Satoru murmurs, “Why not right now?”

“I think we should date first.”

“Date..” 

Suguru hums.

Satoru brightens, “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”

“Yeah,” Suguru pulls Satoru closer. 

“Hah,” Satoru has to catch his breath. “Of course. Yeah. Boyfriends. That’s cool.”

“Very cool,” Suguru whispers, a soft smile on his face. 

“Very very cool.” Satoru can’t stop staring at Suguru’s lips, and then he remembers that it was almost midnight when he got to their apartment. He checks his watch, 12:06. He makes a face, “Aw Suguru, we missed midnight.”

Pulling Satoru flush against him, Suguru says, “It doesn’t matter.”

Too flustered to argue, Satoru just says, “Sure.”

“It’s still a New Year's kiss if we do it now, right?”

“I’m blinded by my desire to make out with you at the moment, so I think I’m gonna agree with anything you say.” Satoru admits, draping his arms around Suguru’s neck. 

Laughing, Suguru says, “I’m glad.”

Before their lips touch, Satoru wonders, “Hey, so, when did you start being in love with me, Suguru?”

Suguru doesn’t respond, instead he presses his lips against Satoru’s softly, and it’s so gentle but so filled with passion that Satoru forgets that he even asked a question until Suguru pulls away, and whispers, “Since the day we met.”

“Wait, seriously?” Satoru stammers. “We met when we were, like, five!”

“Yeah,” Suguru kisses the side of Satoru’s mouth. “You’re beautiful Satoru. You always have been.”

“Fuck you, you’re such a romantic,” Satoru buries his head in the crook of Suguru’s neck. And he sniffs. And Suguru smells like vanilla and lavender and all the best things in the world. And Satoru knows that he’s never ever going to leave Suguru’s side, not ever. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Suguru gently puts one of his hands on the top of Satoru’s head. “Way more.”

Satoru grunts, “It’s not a competition.”

“I know it’s not,” Satoru can hear the smirk in Suguru’s voice, “But if it was a competition I’d win.”

“Nah, I’d win,” Satoru squeezes Suguru tighter. “I love you the most.”

Suguru plays with Satoru’s hair, “Since I love you so much, I’ll let you believe that.”

“Since I love you so much more, I’ll let you let me believe that.”

“Do you always have to have the last word?”

Leaning back, so he can see Suguru’s face, Satoru grins boyishly, “Yeah, I do.”

“Okay,” Suguru says.

Satoru opens his mouth to say ‘Okay’ back, when Suguru envelopes it in a deep kiss that actually takes Satoru’s breath away. And his fingers grip the back of Satoru’s head in a way that feels way too good. All Satoru can think is more, more, more. And suddenly he doesn’t care about having the last word, because he has Suguru and Suguru is all he needs. Is all he’ll ever need.