Chapter Text
Cole paced around his room for what could’ve been minutes, or hours. Phone in hand, he scrolled through the past few months of his life in his camera roll. Danny after the play with an arm wrapped around Erin’s shoulders. Alex practicing for the rodeo. Alex, who hates him now. Again. Parker in the hockey jersey he got for her, next to him in his Broncos jersey. Football was his life, but for his little sister, he can make some room for other sports. His mom and their dog, his dad, and Benny, his parents smiling just as sickly in love as they always did. Jackie wearing his jacket near the river the day she launched the nuclear snitch missile.
Jackie.
His mind slipped to her midnight colored hair draped over her face while she studied. The way his chest felt warm and tight when she looked at him with her sparkly brown eyes. How she believed in him, and occasionally, it felt like she was the only one. Nothing is so broken that it can’t be fixed. Perhaps, he thought, he had broken them just enough to prove her mother’s theory false.
One kiss shattered their equilibrium. Which, admittedly, was a bit of a mess to begin with. Paige wasn’t his fault, but Jackie was. Well, a couple of kisses. He could still feel the electricity coursing through his veins when his fingers wrapped around her arm to pull her back into him. It was then, he figured, that they had reached the point of no return.
She kissed him in a way that made him feel like nothing could ever be wrong again. It made him laugh bitterly, alone in his and Danny’s room, to think about it. His hands in her hair, her as close as physically possible — it felt so right. Then, she was gone, and maybe, he had been wrong all along.
Rubbing his hands over his face, he wondered what she was doing now in New York. Reunited with her friends and her old life. He could almost see it. Her fancy clothes and her bright smile. Was she happier there? If she were, would she ever come back to Colorado? She had to. She wouldn’t leave school like that. Not only that, but she wouldn’t abandon the family. Not his mom, or his siblings. A whirling tornado of his thoughts ricocheted around his mind, making him dizzy.
He collapsed onto his bed with a huff. Carefully, he passed his phone between his hands and wondered whether she would pick up if he called. She had to have left because of him, but did that mean she wouldn’t talk to him? Ever again? Shit. His heart thundered in his chest as he pulled up the contacts on his phone. Her smiling face greeted him in an unexpectedly painful way. He clicked the phone call button, and braced for impact.
It rang, and rang, and rang. He imagined her staring at the screen, playing mental tennis with picking up or not. Maybe she chose, or perhaps she didn’t, but the call went to voicemail anyway.
“Hi, it’s Jackie!” Her voice startled him. He expected a monotone robot, but instead he was listening to the one voice he needed to hear more than anything. This wasn’t how he wanted it. “I can’t come to the phone right now, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
The beep ripped him out of his thoughts, but didn’t cease the ache in his chest.
“Hey, New York.” He started. “It’s Cole.” He rolled his eyes at himself. “I don’t know why I’m calling. Everything’s okay. Well — yeah, I guess. Everyone’s okay. I just wanted to talk to you. Or see if you would talk to me. Everybody really misses you here.” He practically smashed his head clean against the headboard. “Listen, Jackie. I don’t know why you left, but I hope you won’t give up on everyone just because of me. Please come home soon. We need you here.” He paused. His voice shook without his permission as he said, “I need you here. Okay, bye. Um, call me back if you want to talk. I hope everything is good in New York.”