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Somehow Sousuke lost his friends. Or perhaps Yamada decided to parade his girlfriend around the Isuien garden, Mukai and Egashira wanted to catch each other’s glances in one of the temples, and Kurume agreed to let Murashige braid her hair on a bench. In any case, Mitsumi and Sousuke are alone. Alone, yet surrounded by the thousand deer that unofficially own Nara Park.
Their school trip is in full progress. No one seemed to be more excited to visit Nara than Mitsumi; she made a list of all attractions she wanted to visit and all the food specialties she wanted to try. It was adorable.
Sousuke watches as Mitsumi crouches to let a deer nibble at the last of her rice crackers. Once in a while she turns her face to look up at Sousuke, standing next to her, her eyes full of excitement and disbelief. Her smile is contagious.
A gentle breeze rustles the red and yellow leaves of the surrounding trees, causing some to fall on the grass. The delicate munching of the deer is oddly relaxing to listen to. But Sousuke knows that Mitsumi’s presence is what truly calms him in this moment.
The deer suddenly decides it’s satisfied and struts away. Mitsumi stands up, patting her skirt to remove any lingering crumbs.
“Do you want me to lure it back? I have some crackers left.” Sousuke reaches for the pocket in his school blazer.
“No, no, it’s fine,” Mitsumi shakes her head gently. “It’s free to go as it pleases.”
Her words echo in his mind. Free to go.
Mitsumi adjusts her backpack and begins to follow the path ahead, carefree, determined, turning her back on Shima. His eyes linger on her figure, cast in a glow by the autumn sun. Each of her steps brings her further into the unknown. He’s captivated by her. She’s free to go where she wants.
His head is buzzing with the rustling whispers that echo through his mind, growing louder and louder. Uncertainty swirls around, caught by the breeze. Two questions linger in the air. Does that mean she’ll slip away? Does that mean I’ll get left behind?
Shima reaches out and grabs her sleeve, close to her wrist. Without thinking, he closes his fingers around the fabric. Mitsumi halts abruptly, and turns around, startled. He can’t make himself meet her gaze. He can feel her eyes on his face, then they drop to where he’s still clutching her sleeve.
“Eh, what’s wrong, Shima-kun?”
His heart drums loudly in his ears. He tries to remember the words of encouragement from Mukai, Chris, even some from Egashira. Impossible in this moment, because Mitsumi occupies every corner of this thoughts, taking up his mind and body. Realising his feelings for her had felt like blazing spotlights on his entire being. The sensation lingered persistently.
Every smile, frown, and sigh from Mitsumi makes him feel like a light flicks on inside. And another, and another. It leaves him feeling exposed in a way he’s never experienced before. Still, the terror of this vulnerability dissolves by the feeling that he cannot, and will not, retreat into the shadows of the wings. The love he feels for her illuminates everything, forcing him to confront his past, acknowledge his present and, for the first time, contemplate his future. He never wants to let her go.
He needs to tell her how he feels. Even if it’s only to her sleeve.
“I love you.”
A beat. His confession sticks in the air. Then, “But we have to get dango.”
Sousuke’s eyes snap up, a puzzled frown forming on his face. Mitsumi is blushing. Hard. Her fingers brush the skin on his wrist.
Nope. This isn’t part of the plan. He realises now that he never imagined what would happen beyond saying how he feels. How is he supposed to act if she blushes like that, looks at him like that, touches him like that?
He can’t handle this.
So he releases his grip, spins on his shoes and makes a beeline for the other direction of the path.
“Shima-kun?!” He hears Mitsumi calling after him, but her voice sounds far away already.
Sousuke doesn’t even know where he’s going. Deer raise their necks, heads stacked like dango between the trees, and keep a watchful eye as he darts by. The toro seem to lower their lanterns and chuckle at his display of cowardice.
He hears Mitsumi’s panting behind him. And suddenly, he remembers the first day they met. With the roles reversed, since it was him chasing her that spring morning. He remembers the sheer determination on her face as she sprung back to her feet after she fell face flat on the concrete road. How her conviction was infectious, inspiring. Is she making a similar face right now?
He slows his pace. Until he comes to a stop, and Mitsumi catches up and grabs his sleeve. He hears her coughing and wheezing.
“Shima-kun, please don’t run away,” she pleads when she has regained her breath a bit. “My body can’t take it.”
Sousuke still faces the other way. The path they’re on is quiet and lined with rows of toro on both sides, covered with shades of moss. Must be soft. Perhaps he can hide under the green cushions when this conversation is over. Deer stand between the stone lanterns, curiously looking on.
“What do you think of me?” Shima asks her.
“You're Shima-kun,” Mitsumi replies simply, taking a step closer. “You're kind, reserved, always considerate of others.”
Heat rushes to his cheeks in frustration and he swirls around. “You’re wrong!” Mitsumi’s eyes widen by his exclamation. She lets go of his blazer. He balls his fists, averting his gaze again. “I’m only thinking about myself right now because I know you don’t feel the same way you did last spring.”
How can she say he’s kind when he was never genuine. He was only accommodating so people wouldn’t get too close. All his actions were calculated, self-serving mechanisms to safeguard himself emotionally. He was polite in the most selfish way possible.
“You’re right, I don’t.” Mitsumi’s admission surprises him. He relaxes his hands. That’s it then. This is the part where she rejects him, tries to reassure him that it won’t affect their friendship, smiles encouragingly. He builds up the courage to look into her eyes.
When he does, it’s not compassion he reads in her expression, but determination. He doesn’t understand.
“Yes, those feelings changed,” Mitsumi continues, steady, “but don’t assume I ever stopped loving you! My feelings for you only grew deeper!”
Her words hit him. Hard. Her face is open, a blush covers her cheeks, neck. Her gaze intense. This is Mitsumi’s affection, laid bare. He’s locked in place.
“Wh- What?” Sousuke stammers, perplexed.
Mitsumi huffs. “Is that so hard for you to accept?”
“That’s not it,” Sousuke blurts. He feels like mirroring her pouting. “I’m just… processing.”
But there’s not much time for that. They are only guests on this sacred ground, after all. They simply forgot there’s a whole world out there. So when a deer butts into Mitsumi’s back, possibly smelling the rice crackers on her skirt, it startles both of them more than would be expected during a walk around Nara Park. She tips forward, arms flailing. The deer already moved past. In a split second, Sousuke reaches out to her, catching her in one of his arms. Her hands, arms collide with his chest.
Crisis averted. But at what cost?
Because now his arm is around her waist, her hands are clutching the lapels of his blazer, and her face is closer than ever. Her eyes are wide, her blush deepens even more. Breath hitches in his throat. He can’t look away.
Neither of them let go.
Mitsumi turns her gaze to her hands on his chest. Sousuke catches a whiff of her floral shampoo. Did she always smell this good?
“Since when?” Her voice barely above a whisper.
Sousuke considers his words.
“When I realised my feelings, they had already been there for quite some time,” he admits. He feels Mitsumi’s hands clutch on the blue fabric. “After we tried dating for a bit, it was as if I couldn’t go back to my old ways. Something changed. You caused that.”
Mitsumi looks up, eyes fierce. “I didn’t do anything. Don’t give out credit when you should give it to yourself.”
Sousuke gulps, feeling the weight of her words and her proximity. “Okay.”
Her expression softens again. She’s quiet for a bit.
“Do you…” Mitsumi carefully voices the words, “want to start dating again?”
He cherishes her so. He pulls her the tiniest bit closer with his arm. She lets him. His answer is simple. “Yes. I want to.”
She beams up at him, causing the warmth in his chest to stretch on and on. She releases one of the lapels of his blazer. Fingertip by fingertip, spark by spark, she lays her hand on his cheek. Leaning into her touch, he closes his eyes, surrendering to the sensation. He feels utterly and completely content under Mitsumi’s affection.
“Dad, look at those people! Are they magicians?” Sousuke’s eyes fly open as he lets go of Mitsumi reflexively. In that same split second, Mitsumi withdraws her hand and catches sight of the excited kid pointing. Pointing at them and circle of curious deer they somehow attracted. Slowly blinking with their enormous lashes.
Mitsumi is overjoyed, doesn’t know where to look. She tugs on his blazer. “They’re so cute!!!”
Sousuke grins at her enthusiasm. He glances around, then lingers on her face. He’s so happy he got to meet her. “Yes, very cute.”
Mitsumi grins at him. She slips her hand into his.
“Let’s get some more crackers,” Mitsumi suggests.
“And dango.”
Mitsumi laughs, giddy. The tips of her ears tinged with a rosy hue. His are probably too. Matching the fiery colours of the ancient tries surrounding them.