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He's driving aimlessly, not knowing where to go. He left the house an hour ago, well past midnight. He promised his dad he would let him know if he went out for a drive like this, but he didn't bother. "Who cares if I'm taking a drive?" he thinks, trying to convince himself that it's nothing more than that. But deep down, he knows that it's a test he's put himself through. And it's not just any test, it's a test of his sanity.
As he drives down the dark road, his emotions are in turmoil. His heart feels like it's being ripped apart by a thousand different feelings. The weight of his thoughts is crushing him, and he can barely breathe. The voice in his head is like a constant barrage of insults, tearing him down piece by piece. He clenches the steering wheel so tightly that his hands are shaking and his knuckles are turning white. His anger towards himself is like a raging fire, burning him from the inside out. Despite having everything he's ever wanted, he feels like he's failing at life. He's painfully aware of the stress he's causing his parents, and the guilt is eating him alive. He feels like he's letting them down, like he's not living up to their expectations. The weight of their possible disappointment is like a heavy chain around his neck, dragging him down. He knows he has no right to feel this way, but he can't stop the flood of emotions. The darkness around him is suffocating, and he feels like he's drowning in it. He wishes he could just escape it all, but he's trapped in his own mind. The pain is like a physical ache, and he doesn't know how much longer he can take it.
so he drives
and drives and drives and drives
untill he's reached somwhere where thers no lights and no cars and no people
theres nothing
The car comes to a halt as he slows down and pulls over to the side of the road. He steps out of the car, grabbing the bottle of champagne he brought with him and makes his way to the hood of the car. As he slowly climbs up to the very top of the car, he finds himself completely mesmerized by the captivating beauty of the night sky. The sky is a breathtaking sight to behold. The stunning galaxy sprawls out before him, twinkling with infinite stars of varying brightness and sizes. The Milky Way, a luminous band of stars and gas, stretches across the sky in a graceful curve, swirling above him like an ethereal river. His gaze is then drawn to the majestic Orion constellation, a prominent and recognizable pattern of stars that resembles a hunter with a belt and a sword. The stars dance and shimmer in the darkness, enchanting him with their magical allure and making him feel as if he's part of something greater than himself. The occasional shooting star streaks across the sky, leaving a trail of light behind it, as if a painter has added a brushstroke to the canvas of the sky. It's a moment of pure awe and wonder, a moment that he wishes to hold onto forever., and he feels a sense of astonishment at the vastness and complexity of the universe. As he takes a swig from the bottle, he notices the soft melody of the Spotify playlist playing in the car. The music blends well with the serene atmosphere, creating a peaceful and harmonious ambiance. The champagne may not be as strong as what he usually drinks, but that's kinda the point.
he might be suicidal but he's not gonna kill himself while crashing his papa's car
"plus its too cool to crash" he says out loud the car is really cool
The sound of his phone ringing jars hitoshi out of his thoughts, and he lets out an exasperated groan. With a sigh, he pulls the phone out of his pocket and sees that it's his dad calling. He braces himself before answering the call. "Hi dad," he says, his voice tinged with irritation. He hears a sigh of relief in the background. "Hi papa," he adds, trying to sound more upbeat.
His dad, Aizawa, gets straight to the point and asks him in a stern voice, "Kid, where are you?" hitoshi looks around, feeling disoriented and realizing that he doesn't know where he is. He hesitates before answering, "dont really know."
Suddenly, his papa hits him with another question, from the background he can hear him open the fridge . "Also, baby did you take a bottle of blush champagne?" he asks. hitoshi feels guilty and foolish for getting caught. "yeeeaahh, I'm sorry." he admits, feeling embarrassed that he got caught.
"How much have you had?" his dad asks, and Hitoshi glances down at the bottle of champagne in his other hand. He swirls the bottle around and admits, "Just a sip, really. I haven't had much." He tries to make light of the situation, "Honestly, if I had put it back before you noticed it was gone, you probably wouldn't have even noticed." He chuckles nervously, trying to defuse the tension.
But his dad is not amused and asks him another question that makes him feel even more uncomfortable. "you didn't answer me when I asked you where you were," he says, "his serious voice". Hitoshi think's. he doesn't know how to explain that he doesn't know where he is, so he just shrugs and says, 'I did you just didn't hear me,...I don't know."
There's a moment of silence before his papa speaks up, sounding skeptical. "You don't...know?" hitoshi realizes that he sounded like he was lying and snarky and quickly corrects himself. "No, really, I have no fucking idea where I am. But," he pauses for a moment and takes a swig of the blush. Laying back, he gazes up at the sky and adds, "It's fucking gorgeous out here." He feels a sense of peace, enjoying the moment despite knowing he's in deep shit.
Hitoshi's anxiety fades away, and he feels a sense of calm wash over him. maybe its the blush or maybe he's just sardonic, He hears his dad's voice on the other end, but he's too lost in his thoughts to pay attention. He knows he has to face the consequences of his actions, but for now, he just wants to bask in the serenity of the moment.
"Did you hear me?" his dad asks.
"Nah sorry," he replies.
His dad sighs and says, "Come home when you're ready, alright? But I swear to God, if I see on the news that some kid crashed a car out where you are, I'm gonna kick your ass, Hitoshi."
He giggles at his dad's antics and says, "Ok, I won't."
"I'm trusting you right now, Hitoshi," his dad says.
"I know, I love you," Hitoshi replies.
"I love you too, and please don't get drunk. If you do, call me. I'll come get you," his dad says.
"I won't, but I'll call you if I do. Bye," Hitoshi says.
"Bye, honey," his dad replies.
The call ends, and Hitoshi is left alone, staring up at the vast expanse of the night sky. He takes a long sip of his drink and lets out a sigh. "No, tonight's not the night," he says to himself. "But maybe next month." As he gazes up at the stars, he is awestruck by the beauty before him. The sky is a canvas of blues, purples, pinks, and blacks, and all the rage from before is gone. It's just him and the universe herself.
As he takes another swig of his drink, he begins to feel the buzz, but not enough to drive. "Gods, this blush is good," he muses. "I'll have to repay Papa for this, but I mean, he has a copious amount of alcohol in the house."
Hitoshi suddenly speaks out loud, "Who am I talking to right now?" He gets no response. "Can you even hear me?" he asks again, but still, nothing. "I can hear you," he says to the stars. "I can feel and see you."
He waits in silence, not knowing what he's waiting for. "I can understand you, I think? I'm not supposed to be here, at least I don't think. I feel misplaced, like I'm meant somewhere else, but I'm so human, I couldn't be anything else, you know?" Hitoshi continues, "Like I have so much rage inside me, and hate and sadness, and I have no way of controlling it."
The universe seems to be staring back at him, listening to every word he says. "I know you don't care about me. I'm just another thing trying to talk to you, but you're never gonna respond, and that's fine. You're not even real. I'm just talking to a bunch of space and gas and dark matter," he trails off.
"Space is cool. You're so cool. You have so much art just...on you and in you, and you're just there, and it's so impressive. How do you do it? How do you be the universe?" Despite his reverence, he still receives no answer.
"I guess I should ask how to be human, 'cause I can't do that for shit, and there's no way I'd understand any of what you said even if you did answer me," Hitoshi admits. He falls silent for an hour, lost in thought, before speaking up again. "I believe in you, but you don't believe in me. But I feel more real than you... I'm here, sitting and drinking, breathing, feeling, and living, and you're just...sitting there, being confusing and pretty."
"Why do you exist if all you do is expand and confuse us? You're very pretty, but I don't think that's enough for me," he glares at the gorgeous galaxy before him. "You're not enough for me," he declares before sitting up straight and asking
"Can you hear me?"