Work Text:
"I'll get going." A low pitched voice disrupted the silence between bookshelves, where three teenagers sat on the floor.
Han Sooyoung peeked from behind the book she pretended to read, monitoring Kim Dokja's reaction out of the corner of her eyes, but the boy just kept reading, not even moving an inch.
Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed his school bag and got up, "See you tomorrow."
"Yeah, see you." Kim Dokja answered.
Han Sooyoung didn't look away until the handsome youth walked past the library's door.
"So…?" She sang.
"What?" Dokja mumbled absentmindedly.
"What's this situation? Why is he hanging out with you?"
"Ask him, not me."
Han Sooyoung groaned, "C'mon, talk properly to me!"
Kim Dokja finally put the book down, sighing, "If you want a more specific reason then I wouldn't know, but we just ended up becoming friends… I guess. I really don't know."
"Just ended up becoming friends," Han Sooyoung mimed his voice – but in a ridiculous way. His voice did not sound like that. "Give me a break, you little bastard! And how did that happen?! I want you to tell me!"
"Why should I?"
Han Sooyoung paused, staring into Kim Dokja's soul, then started shaking him like he was a baby rattle.
"Stop, stop! Jesus Christ! Ok!" Kim Dokja screamed, "You are so annoying!"
"Damn, and you're so fussy. Why are you shouting?" Han Sooyoung laughed, "Now tell me how you got close to that stereotyped shoujo cold male lead guy."
"Well, I wouldn't say we're that close…" He pointed out, and inwardly agreed to her quite accurate description. "He just happened to be passing when those pigs were bothering me again and shook them off for me." Kim Dokja cleaned his throat, looking away from Han Sooyoung. "He started to cling to me after that, out of pity— I think, or maybe he couldn't ignore the matter and just leave it alone, he can be like that." He gave a weak laugh.
Han Sooyoung got quieted down after the term – pigs – was brought up, she observed Kim Dokja for some time before patting his shoulder.
"Nice." The word took a long second to get out of her mouth. "He isn't as much of an asshole as he looks then." She smiled slightly at him.
Her voice wavered a bit, but he feigned not to notice.
He mirrored the smile back.
Kim Dokja had been bullied since junior high, a reality that he, once upon a time, thought would change after entering high school. However, not much time into the beginning of the semester, a student recognized his face from reports and, soon, all the school knew again and the same kind of stupid bullies started picking up on him again, getting progressively worse as time passed.
They were already a few months into the physical assault stage when Yoo Joonghyuk stumbled across the group beating him up.
It's an embarrassing memory for Kim Dokja, to think that Yoo Joonghyuk got to see him at such a low point – if not his lowest – made his skin crawl. And at the same time, he was glad Yoo Joonghyuk was there and that he chose to interfere, instead of stand by just like everyone else. Contrary to his polished looks, Yoo Joonghyuk was notably unhinged when fighting, he gave off the feeling of facing a wild beast. Maybe because Kim Dokja was used to the beating routine already, but somehow his entrance felt rather unreal, it felt as though Yoo Joonghyuk had fallen from the sky to punish them in Kim Dokja's stead. An exaggeration of the moment on his part, of course, Yoo Joonghyuk wasn’t an invincible entity or anything of the sorts, but that image of overwhelming strength and complete dominance made such a striking impression that Kim Dokja would forever, somewhere on his mind, associate Yoo Joonghyuk to capability.
Every so often, Kim Dokja wondered what Yoo Joonghyuk thought when he saw his scrawny body curled on the ground as he could only powerlessly take the kicks and punches aimed at him.
"Rotten."
Kim Dokja startled, widening his eyes at Yoo Joonghyuk, "Huh?"
They were below the stairs of a recluse area, at lunch time.
The other seemed a bit puzzled by his reaction, "The bread. It's rotten." He threw it on a plastic bag, "I've been busy so I didn't notice."
"Oh." His heart was beating fast, still frightened, "The bread. Okay."
"But the rest is alright. Eat."
Kim Dokja quietly grabbed a pastry from the lunchbox, "You made it?" The look he gave him was enough to answer. Kim Dokja chuckled, "Of course. I keep forgetting you're a freak that can only eat homemade food."
Yoo Joonghyuk scowled, "You're the freak one for eating ultra processed trash."
"Not everyone can cook and escape the capitalist food industry."
"Then learn."
"Some of us were blessed with the ability to burn kitchens, exclusively."
A groan. Kim Dokja smirked.
Yoo Joonghyuk gave an exasperated sigh, "Just keep eating the food I make then."
Kim Dokja stared at him while chewing, “You wanna be my particular chief for free?”
“My conscience will weigh if you die at twenty eight by cardiac arrest.”
Kim Dokja giggled. Yoo Joonghyuk’s face relaxed.
“Joonghyuk-ah, do you think I’m some kind of stray cat you need to feed?”
“…Sure, something like that.”
What? Really? Kim Dokja lifted his eyebrows, not expecting an affirmation.
Yoo Joonghyuk seemed to be in deep thought, while still in the middle of this trance he said in all seriousness, “More like a kitten.”
Kim Dokja coughed hard, spitting puff pastry within a half meter radius.
"Classmate Joonghyuk, please, watch what you're saying." He said, the coughing yet to go away as he pounded his chest.
The other looked in disdain and a tail of disgust, "Where are your manners? Talking with food in your mouth… Stop being nasty."
He was the nasty one??
…Maybe he was. Why did he get so agitated just because of a word? Yoo Joonghyuk didn't say it in an impure way. Oh my god. Was he actually fussy like Han Sooyoung alleged?
He turned his bewildered face and scanned Yoo Joonghyuk’s own: it didn’t show any hints of embarrassment. The man was a hundred percent nonplussed! Kim Dokja somehow felt wronged. He was quite proud to say he understood Yoo Joonghyuk very well, but sometimes he just couldn’t make out of what was going on inside his brain, sometimes the other would say stuff that flustered him like that and then just act completely normal afterwards.
Yoo Joonghyuk looked at his dumb expression and handed him a napkin, "Clean yourself."
Kim Dokja accepted and whipped his mouth.
"Drink." Yoo Joonghyuk handed him a water bottle.
Kim Dokja accepted and gulped down half of the water. After hydration, he stared at the bottle’s half empty state, feeling something was off.
Huh…? Just now again…?
No, there was definitely something wrong about this kind of dynamic. What the hell is Yoo Joonghyuk trying to do?
Fingers snapped in front of his eyes, "Stop spacing out."
Kim Dokja looked at him with conflicting emotions.
"What are you thinking?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked, holding his stare.
He got back to eating, humming, "Nothing…"
For sure, Kim Dokja was just overthinking like he always does. No need to be so self-conscious. Yoo Joonghyuk was just a strange guy.
There was no rule book that said handsome people couldn't also be strange sometimes.
'Bet this fool must be thinking he's too self-conscious or something like that', thought Yoo Joonghyuk. 'Or that I'm handsome.'
You see, Yoo Joonghyuk has been paying special attention to Kim Dokja since that first meeting, months ago. That day, the fighting was pretty bad and while Yoo Joonghyuk couldn't just walk away after witnessing such a scene, it wasn't out of righteousness or sympathy that he took action. Yoo Joonghyuk was inherently a discreet person, his need for a trouble-free life made him stay away from other people's business, that's why despite spotting the group and Kim Dokja a few times through the course of the year, he didn't go out of his way to help. However, that day, the look Kim Dokja had when their eyes locked was enough to freeze him into place. He could see through those eyes that Kim Dokja was at his limit and would snap at any moment. It was the most frightening gaze he had ever seen.
Yoo Joonghyuk was certain that Kim Dokja himself didn't know, but the outcome of that fight was better for the bullies.
It was concerning as well as oddly fascinating how skillfully he deceived his own mind into thinking whatever bullshit he wanted. Yoo Joonghyuk, being the only person aware of this cursed fact, decided to keep a close check on him for a couple of days… and ended up just staying around. Indefinitely.
He liked Kim Dokja.
He wasn't loud and he respected Yoo Joonghyuk's space; he liked his food and was unexpectedly cute when rambling; and when talking about his interests his eyes seemed to spark, holding stars… and they were also always following him. The discrepancy from his first impression was so clear, it made Yoo Joonghyuk glad he stepped into another person's life.
Be it as a companionship Yoo Joonghyuk enjoyed or something more, after nights thrown away, he already has come to accept and welcome it…
But Kim Dokja was so slow.
He didn't catch on painfully obvious details that were shoved in his face; he built his walls all over again whenever there was a minor crack; he pulled away like a scaredy cat from Yoo Joonghyuk's grasp, yet never completely. Yoo Joonghyuk thought he was like a small kitten only used to the streets, he was curious as well as cautious towards the hand outstretched to him: he would sniff it a bit and tease contact, just to suddenly retreat and hide again.
Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't too familiar with the concept of being an initiator either, which made the entire situation even more stressful for him. He even began to wonder why he was so set on making Kim Dokja notice. They were good as they were, right? The important thing was being around each other. Noticing or not, initiating or avoiding compromise, it didn't matter, not essencially.
However, time and time again, Kim Dokja reminded him that whilst he did not bring the kitten home and bought him a bed to make him understand he had a place, the kitten could always run off and never come back.
So no, they were not good as they were. Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t have quite a hold on Kim Dokja yet.
He had to make him understand.
"Dokja, what do you think about a date with Yoo Sangah this weekend?"
Both Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk almost spilled their banana milk after hearing Han Sooyoung’s question.
"What?" Kim Dokja squawked.
This crazy witch. Yoo Joonghyuk thought, flaring the girl with his glare. What does she think she's doing?
Meanwhile, Han Sooyoung clacked. "I fucking love these reactions, damn, so amazing," she continued her sneering, bending over the table. The quiet library filled by her laughter.
"Sooyoung."
"Dokja," she smirked, "you heard it."
Kim Dokja arched his eyebrow, seeing behind her intentions, "I'm missing context, don't try to set me up."
"You know me so well," Han Sooyoung tsked. "Me and my girlfriend want to go to a karting circuit. Bring a plus one and pay half of the entry discount."
"You mean your cool girlfriend, the one with a cool motorcycle?"
"Do I have another?" Her hand landed on Kim Dokja's shoulder, "Soooo, us, you and Sangah, our only mutual friend. What do you say?"
Kim Dokja seemed to hesitate for a second, "Kart does sound fun, but I don't know if it'll be too overwhelming for me… and won't it be awkward staying with Sangah-ssi while you two date?"
"C'mon, Sangah isn't like that, she feels comfortable around you." Han Sooyoung assured. After seeing he still wasn't convinced, she tried to entice him, "Heewon might give you a ride on her bike if you ask nicely…"
Kim Dokja glanced at her, sighing, and when he was about to reject her again, Yoo Joonghyuk, who kept quiet until then, beat him to it: "Since it doesn't seem he wants to, I can go instead."
Two heads turned to him. Kim Dokja looking confused and Han Sooyoung amused.
"What?" The former said with a silly expression, "You don't even know Sangah-ssi."
Yoo Joonghyuk gritted his teeth, "So what."
"That's kind of the whole point of inviting me in the first place."
"Yeah," Han Sooyoung echoed like a devil, grinning in his direction, "that's kind of the whole point, Joonghyuk-ah."
Yoo Joonghyuk sensed the mockery in her tone and frowned, "Paying half is the whole point," he argued back. "Knowing each other comes second."
Han Sooyoung smirked, "True."
"But…" Kim Dokja murmured, yet couldn't articulate any more because it was indeed true.
His fingers fiddled with each other on his lap. He thought about Yoo Joonghyuk and Yoo Sangah together and it wasn't an incongruent picture, rather balanced. He looked away.
"You know what would solve both problems?" Han Sooyoung said, "You two go with us!"
Kim Dokja blinked at her, "And Sangah-ssi?"
Yoo Joonghyuk made a face, grumbling, "Plus one, not two."
"It's fine! I haven't invited her yet."
"...So you were simply including her as if—"
"She would go if I asked!" Han Sooyoung exclaimed, and then, quietly, "Heewon had a friend as a backup."
Kim Dokja slapped the back of her head, not too hard, "Grow up this habit of omitting stuff, will you?" He huffed, "Ask Sangah and this other friend before running straight to me again."
A pause.
Han Sooyoung broke the silence, "…And you and Joonghyuk?"
Kim Dokja crossed his arms, "Can't you see he just wanted to make you shut up? He doesn't actually wanna go."
He spoke as if it was a matter of fact, totally confident in his deduction. This prompted Han Sooyoung to look at Yoo Joonghyuk with eyes full of pity.
"Both fools have bad eyesight, yet only one wears glasses," she sighed, "a settling doomed to fail!"
Yoo Joonghyuk witnessed all the display wearing the expression of someone who had enough of social interaction for the entire week.
"Why are you suddenly bringing up his poor vision?" Kim Dokja frowned, but soon got into a pensive mood. After pondering for a bit, he peeked at the other boy, "Joonghyuk-ah, have you always needed glasses?"
"No," he responded, "my eyesight just got unbearably worse out of nowhere by the end of junior high."
Han Sooyoung snickered, "Out of nowhere. Sure, gamerboy."
"…A decent percentage of the population has direr screen times than me, including yourself."
"Guess you lost the genes battle then," she stuck her tongue to him.
Kim Dokja laughed at their bickering, "Well, he had to have at least one character flaw going on."
Silence followed.
Kim Dokja knitted his brows. Did he say something weird?
"..." Han Sooyoung looked at Yoo Joonghyuk, "What do you even see in this moron? Have a doctor check up."
"Shut up." Yoo Joonghyuk said, tired of her pitying eyes.
"I think your myopia went up."
This time, he growled, "Han Sooyoung."
"Sorry, I'm not following…"
"Physical and emotional myopia."
Kim Dokja shouted in alarm, "Yoo Joonghyuk, put that book down!"
Soon, the librarian appeared and kicked them out of the library.
After a deserved scolding, Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Dokja walked down the hall to go home, while Han Sooyoung went to… to do whatever she did as an agent of chaos. The two boys' steps were unhurried and they proceeded in silence. Yoo Joonghyuk found it strange that the other wasn't humming any famous girlgroup song as usual and glanced at him. Kim Dokja wore a blank expression and his eyes were a bit foggy, as if he were looking somewhere far away.
"Are you ok?" He asked.
Kim Dokja mumbled a questioning sound and turned to him, "I am. Why?"
Yoo Joonghyuk didn't know what to say exactly, but he pressed on, mistakenly thinking it was about the previous matter, "Did you want to go with Yoo Sangah and the others?"
He blinked, "No? I mean, hanging out is fun, but if the place is too crowded and noisy then it's not for me… You?"
Yoo Joonghyuk noticed Kim Dokja's voice was very flat, he answered, "No." He hesitated a little before adding, "...I prefer hanging out with you."
Kim Dokja didn't reply in any way and continued to stare ahead.
They walked a few more meters, until it was time to go their separate ways, Yoo Joonghyuk once again tried to take a look at his face, he was worried about Kim Dokja's mood.
Figuring he didn't like the thought of letting him go home alone, he voiced, "Dokja, stay over today."
Staying over already happened before, by accident. It was the first time Yoo Joonghyuk properly invited him, but he wouldn't be resistant to the idea.
Kim Dokja, barely responsive, slowly nodded and made a sound with his throat.
They didn't say anything anymore all the way to Yoo Joonghyuk's apartment.
When the door was unlocked, Kim Dokja went straight to the couch. He stayed there staring at the ceiling, while the sound of chopping and utensils clinking could be heard in the living room as Yoo Joonghyuk moved in the kitchen.
Yoo Joonghyuk, kneading dough, stealed a few glances at the boy sprawled on the couch like an octopus, the corners of his mouth teasing a smile when he got back to focusing on his task. The fondness of his semblance unable to be concealed.
An hour later, a bowl of dumplings was put on the table in front of Kim Dokja, however, it was not until he felt a blanket being placed on him that he was brought back to reality. His eyes followed Yoo Joonghyuk's scarred hand grabbing the tv remote control and opening the streaming app. Some typing later, a movie was selected.
It was the live action adaptation of a famous novel he wasn't necessarily a fan of but was curious to watch the final product to know how it looked… and to criticize it.
His toes wriggled underneath the blanket. Yoo Joonghyuk must have been paying attention when he talked about it.
Once the movie played for a while, Yoo Joonghyuk said, "The dumplings should have cooled off by now."
Kim Dokja understood the suggestion and invitation behind it: you should eat. He smiled faintly and fixed his position to sit straight and get a dumpling from the bowl.
Of course, even before the first bite he knew it would be delicious. Kim Dokja had an strange relationship with food and didn't usually notice the taste of what he ate, just gobbling down whatever to meet a body need or go along with others, but Yoo Joonghyuk's food – as in especially these dumplings – was an exception and food he could say he actually enjoyed eating.
As Kim Dokja chewed, he scoffed at the tv, "I knew this part would look weird. It's already weird by itself in the novel, when adding these actors to play it together it looks even more stupid."
Yoo Joonghyuk hummed, agreeing.
"The CGI is worse than I imagined it'd be. Really, I mean, where did all that budget go?" He was having a lot of fun roasting the movie, "I'm glad they released it on streaming only, imagine paying a ticket to watch this. Yoo Joonghyuk, would you pay the cinema to watch this?"
Bite by bite, Kim Dokja finished off the entire bowl of dumplings.
They were very good.
The movie was awful.
The blanket felt very comfy.
What's that. What's with Yoo Joonghyuk always knowing exactly what to do?
Kim Dokja glanced at the boy sitting next to him. Did he have a 'How to deal with Kim Dokja' manual? Why didn't he have the Yoo Joonghyuk equivalent? Wasn't it unfair? Wasn't it cheating!?
Ah. Some people in this world really were born with everything.
The cheater noticed his stare, "What are you thinking about?"
"You’re cheating in life."
Yoo Joonghyuk lifted his brow in confusion, a silent question.
"You're perfect." Kim Dokja snuggled in the blanket, muffling his voice, "Also, why do you keep asking what I'm thinking?”
Yoo Joonghyuk lagged briefly. He never really gave much thought to that, so suddenly being asked about the reason surprised him for a moment. It put him into deep reflection, but once again he was surprised when the answer came rather easily, he replied, "I want to know if I guessed right."
Kim Dokja's widening eyes reflected his surprise, in a way that made him look very cute, "Oh. That’s a funnier reason than I expected…"
"So, are you ok now?"
"Huh?"
"Earlier. You zoned out."
"Oh… Yeah, yes, I am." Kim Dokja felt a shameful feeling creeping up his chest, he looked away and shuffled, forcing a laugh, "Sorry…"
For what? Yoo Joonghyuk wanted to ask, but instead chose to reassure him, "Don't apologize, it's alright."
"Okay." Wanting to drop this subject as soon as he could, he quickly blurted out the first thing that came to mind with the utmost nonchalant voice possible, "I didn't reply earlier but I also prefer hanging out with you."
No one spoke for a moment.
'No!!! Not like that!!!' cried Kim Dokja on the inside. It wasn't a smooth transition at all!
While the stillness that followed up was torturing him, Kim Dokja heard the water drops in the kitchen sink, which furthered his stress, but thankfully his suffering was cut short, and he felt a weight on his head.
He was being patted…? He lifted his gaze and locked eyes with the perpetrator.
Right after, Yoo Joonghyuk retracted his hand. "Messy hair," he explained.
"...Sure." Kim Dokja feigned to believe him.
Did Yoo Joonghyuk think he was stupid? What did it matter to him that his hair was messy?
Kim Dokja scoffed. What a poor excuse! He wasn’t in the mood to evade anymore. "You think I don't know what you're doing..."
"Yeah, I don't think you do," Yoo Joonghyuk looked at him condescendingly. "But what am I doing? What's your guess?"
He pressed his lips. "What do I gain by responding?"
The other lifted an eyebrow and mumbled, "You're a bastard."
"What do I gain by responding?"
Yoo Joonghyuk huffed, almost rolling eyes, "Choose. But I'll only do it if you're right."
"...Hm." Kim Dokja bit inside of his cheek to stop a smile from forming, "Then I want you to take a cute selfie and give me the copyrights over it."
"...Do I want to know—"
"Shhhhhh!" He obnoxiously waved his finger in front of Yoo Joonghyuk's face. "No."
"Ok."
"Now that we've established our fair reward system," his hands crossed, "shall we find out who's the winner?"
Yoo Joonghyuk decided to not point out the 'fair reward system' in fact one-sidedly rewarded Kim Dokja and nodded, "Just say it."
"...Right." Now that he was about to voice his thoughts, Kim Dokja realized it wasn't that good of an idea, no matter how much he wished for this weird limbo of ambiguity between them to stop, he started to feel awkward about confronting it. However, the cute Yoo Joonghyuk selfie… He internally groaned, he now understood what those k-pop collectors had to go through.
"So?"
Kim Dokja figured he got distracted again, he coughed, "So… my guess… my guess…"
Yoo Joonghyuk deadpanned, "You don't actually have one, have you?"
"No, I do!" Kim Dokja quickly objected, cursing in his mind. He threw all the little common sense he had aside and finally released a wobbly sigh, stammering. "Ok. Uhm, it seems like you, well…" his voice was slowly becoming fainter by each word, "uh… you like me…?"
That definitely wasn't a good idea. He should have contemplated more if it was really worth it to clear up his doubts, maybe he could live with the discomfort of being unsure, just once. Because the silence in the room— Yoo Joonghyuk's silence was making Kim Dokja feel so sick, he was almost convinced he should curl up and disappear and never talk again. The floor his eyes were glued to was spinning by the time he received a proper reaction, the soft-spoken word taking a bit longer to register in his disoriented brain.
"Yes." He heard Yoo Joonghyuk affirm, but only a few beats later he could truly understand.
Kim Dokja looked for Yoo Joonghyuk's face and the little smile he found there made him take in a shaky breath. Blood started pumping so fast, the sound of his heart beating reached his ears so unbelievably loud, it rendered Kim Dokja speechlees. Such a strong reaction from his body left him in awe, both in fascination and horror. He wanted to analize it, but inside his head he could only hear incessant thumping. How could it be? He thought. Why did this smile feel so precious to him?
Kim Dokja forcibly tore his eyes from it by suddenly hunching forward, "Ugh!" He grunted dramatically, protecting his chest. Gay thoughts.
Yoo Joonghyuk jumped on his seat, he asked in alarm, "Kim Dokja?"
"Go away." He faced the opposite side.
When it dawned on Yoo Joonghyuk that it was all theatrics his eyes rolled, half done and half fond. "You're ridiculous."
"Don't talk to me." Even as he said that, Kim Dokja still let himself be manhandled by Yoo Joonghyuk so they sat facing each other again.
"Are you not going to give me a reaction?"
"No. So go away, stupid."
Which was a lie, naturally. Yoo Joonghyuk eyed his flushed cheeks and uncertain eyebrows, feeling his lips wanting to pull a smirk.
"Why do you look like I bullied you?"
Kim Dokja frowned, until now refusing to meet his gaze, "Don't use that word."
"Ok." Yoo Joonghyuk uncharacteristically complied, his hand finding its place on Kim Dokja's nape and sending shivers down his spine. "Anything more I shouldn't do?" He asked, purposefully inching closer.
"...No."
The silence stretched a bit too long as Kim Dokja was putting his all into maintaining his breath steady, unwilling to meet black eyes. Then, he thought he heard an airy laugh and Yoo Joonghyuk pulled away, getting the empty bowl with him to the kitchen. Kim Dokja followed his track in bewilderment.
"Hey, I said no."
"I heard you."
Kim Dokja stood in all his ungraceful and fidgeting glory, glaring holes at Yoo Joonghyuk's perfect side profile while he rinsed the bowl.
"Cat got your tongue?"
He groaned loudly, "Are we bringing cats into this again?!"
"You had your hairs standing like one just now," clearly enjoying teasing him, Yoo Joonghyuk added, wiping his hands, "hissing too."
Kim Dokja stomped half of his way back to the couch before Yoo Joonghyuk caught his wrist.
"Why are you mad?"
"..." He turned around.
Yoo Joonghyuk made sure he wasn't hallucinating the pseudo-pout in his mouth.
"...You don't like me." He complained, "You don't like me, you're making fun of me."
That rare warmth took place in his chest again, "So you're mad?" —because you want to be liked?
Kim Dokja belatedly realized his words sounded a bit strange. "That's… yes."
Their eyes met. Kim Dokja couldn't make sure he wasn't imaging the closeness between their faces. Eventually, their lips met too.
Kim Dokja clenched his hands into fists by his sides as he let himself be kissed and, in the middle of it, tried his best to replicate the movements of the other boy. His attempts were clumsy, but somehow, that only compelled Yoo Joonghyuk to kiss him harder. He felt the hand on his wrist climbing to caress his head, his ear and his jaw. All the touching made Kim Dokja flustered, but he didn't dislike it. If his body shivers meant anything, it was that he wasn't used to being touched in such a way, it uncovered his want for connection behind his indifferent act. His body told it all for him, even things he didn't understand yet, which were a lot. Actually, Kim Dokja couldn't understand himself most of the time. It should be gross—having someone licking your lips, but it only made him feel hot.
'That is, if it's with Yoo Joonghyuk.'
Thoughts like these swirled in his mind until Yoo Joonghyuk's hand coaxed his jaw to open wider and a tongue slipped into his mouth, it slowly enveloped his own and licked inside, ripping a breathless moan from his throat. The shock of hearing that sound coming from himself was too much and instantly broke the trancelike state he was in, with his face burning in shame, he gripped the other's shoulders and pulled away from the kiss.
Kim Dokja’s chest was heaving and his eyes were wide open. Somewhere along the way, Yoo Joonghyuk’s other hand reached his back, rubbing circles and holding him in place.
'What do I do?' Kim Dokja thought, feeling like electricity was about to purge from his fingers. The emotion he didn't know how to name weighed on his throat and chest and made his entire system sound an alarm of panic. 'What do I do now?' He wanted an answer.
But his brain had gone blank.
Kim Dokja didn't wait another second and bolted out straight to the bathroom. When Yoo Joonghyuk realized what happened, he was already standing alone in the middle of the room and the sound of the bathroom door closing in a bang echoing in the apartment. He counted to ten, using every drop of patience he had in his body and walked to the door.
"Kim Dokja?" He called, trying to sound normal, but still had an edge, "Do I want to know—"
"No." Kim Dokja's nonchalant voice interrupted.
"..." Yoo Joonghyuk wanted to kill him. "Then?"
"Just need a second." He answered in the same tone.
"...Ok."
Yoo Joonghyuk crossed his arms and waited beside the door, leaning against the wall, blissfully unaware of a certain someone going completely insane mere centimeters away.
Inside the bathroom, Kim Dokja screwed his eyes shut and pulled his locks. He curled his toes and fingers, shaked his body, jumped around, his mouth even opened for a silent scream, anything to try to ease the agitation inside him. He really wanted to scream without being weird. Unfulfilled, he grabbed the sink and rocked his body, staring at the drain like it was a blackhole that could engulf him out of there and out of existence. As the sedentary human he was, Kim Dokja soon was left tired and panting from all the moving, he looked at his reflection in the mirror and once he calmed down, he opened the door looking as if nothing had happened. Steps were heard. At the first glance Yoo Joonghyuk threw at him, his schooled expression crumbled and he gave a long whine, bringing his hands to his face.
Yoo Joonghyuk didn't waver this time, "What the fuck is going on with you?"
"I don't know." His voice was muffled.
"Kim Dokja."
"Yoo Joonghyuk."
Yoo Joonghyuk kneaded his temples. If Kim Dokja didn't want questions, then alright, he wouldn't meddle. "Let's get ready to sleep, we have school tomorrow." He headed to the bedroom.
Kim Dokja countered, "Tomorrow is the weeknd."
"Kim Dokja."
"Okay." He sang the word, annoyingly similar to the way Han Sooyoung did.
Later, when Yoo Joonghyuk was arranging the bed for them, Kim Dokja, holding a shark patterned cushion, blurted out, "Does that mean we are, like, dating now?"
Yoo Joonghyuk opened the closet and got an extra pillow, not batting an eye. "You tell me, you were the one who ran to hide in the bathroom."
Kim Dokja blushed, "That was… uh… a moment of weakness." He watched the other silently get accommodated on the bed and cover himself with the blanket, seemingly ready to sleep. Seeing he got ignored, Kim Dokja's heart sank and he inched closer carefully, he hovered above Yoo Joonghyuk's handsome face, "Joonghyuk, are you mad?"
Yoo Joonghyuk felt the anxiousness in his words and opened his eyes to look at him. "I'm not." His gaze was sincere.
Kim Dokja let out a relieved sigh, "Oh. Okay." He laid on his side of the bed, still hugging the cushion. Not daring to bother Yoo Joonghyuk again, he tried to force the sleep to come, which was quite difficult after the last incidents and a kiss development with the person who initiated said kiss laying beside him, but, whatever, he would get past it.
Just as he thought that, he felt his ear being pulled. Kim Dokja yelped, "Ugh, what the hell." He bated the hand away, grimacing at the culprit.
Before he could whinge his mouth off, Yoo Joonghyuk grumbled first, "Do you want to date or not?"
Well, if this was about his wants, he wanted to run. That was his first instinct. He wanted to dodge it as long as he could and consequently make a big deal out of things that were very simple, in true Kim Dokja fashion. He wanted an answer, something concrete. He didn't want to hear at all. He wanted to run to the most secluded mountain, far away from the people, and also run towards Yoo Joonghyuk, far away from the world.
"I want to..." Said the little voice inside and out loud, before Kim Dokja could catch up, and it was not hard.
A hundred different emotions raced through his heart when his escape fell through, he finally admitted it, not only to Yoo Joonghyuk but also himself. The truth that laid so heavy on his tongue could actually come out that easy and with no option of hiding, he just had to be asked. Kim Dokja thought he was great at concealing what he felt and it was certainly a blow to his ego to realize that, in fact, he just needed a safe space and a person he was safe with to have all his emotions run around as obvious as a single star in the sky. He felt relief.
"Well, that wasn't half as bad." He peeked at the other, realized the lines of his eyebrows were infinitely softer.
Yoo Joonghyuk had a glint of amusement in his eyes, "You're the one making it harder, fool."
"Yeah, I just realized that," he acknowledged the newly acquired lore without resistance. "I feel so comfortable now, it's strange." Yoo Joonghyuk observed him attentively as he crossed his hands. "Joonghyuk-ah, if you wanna know any dark secrets the time is now. Post-adrenaline rush, I will probably tell you anything."
He scoffed, indulging his humor, "This much is adrenaline to you? Weakling."
Kim Dokja shaked his head in a condescending way that also flowed to his voice, "I'm not built like you, Joonghyuk-ah, I'm simple, I don't go around plotting confession-inducing scenarios. If I want a cute selfie, for instance, I'll be direct. I'm not an experienced playboy like you."
"Experienced… playboy…"
"A ladykiller." Kim Dokja grinned, "Your nerd look doesn't fool anyone."
Yoo Joonghyuk shuffled awkwardly, "...I only had one girlfriend in my life." He confessed.
Immediately, Kim Dokja's face closed off at an unbelievable speed, "Did I ask?" He said in a petulant manner, turned to the other side and tossed the covers over his head.
Yoo Joonghyuk paused, feeling somewhat wronged, "Why is that worse than being a playboy…"
"I don't wanna hear it."
"I didn't know you were this petty."
"Now you do, stupid sunfish."
There was silence. Innocuous moments later, rustling sounds were heard and Kim Dokja turned around with an apologetic look. Theatrics, theatrics… were they? True or not, forget supposed jealousy of an ex-girlfriend, having the attention of those eyes again, Yoo Joonghyuk leaned in and kissed the corner of one of them.
Kim Dokja mentally thanked him for putting the stunt behind, he blinked fast when Yoo Joonghyuk's hand reached the side of his face. Yoo Joonghyuk continued to stroke the spot he kissed with his thumb.
"Do you like my eyes, Joonghyuk-ah?" he asked with curiosity as he felt the hand rising to slightly ruffle his hair.
Yoo Joonghyuk confirmed with a hum. Sounded so sweet.
It was funny, how once upon a time, he was told the way he stared at people was creepy, yet here was this guy so intent on stealing another second in his view. He smiled at Yoo Joonghyuk and, this time, it was Kim Dokja who leaned in to press a kiss in his mouth.
"I like you."