Chapter Text
It feels like yesterday when I spent Christmas with the others. On the 25th, we did our long-awaited Secret Santa, ate lots of good food, and did many random activities together at the apartment unit Seungmin, Lix, Jeongin, and I share. It was a very fun time, but it was not because of this that I find myself constantly thinking back on what went down on Christmas night.
When one of us (Chan) passed out on the couch while singing a Christmas song, we all started to quiet down. The younger ones got all worried about him - am I horrible for having laughed at him straight up? - but soon after, they were all poking fun at him, relieved to see him sleep for once. By the time Felix fell asleep beside Chan though, we told ourselves that it was time to call it a night. Most did, but for me - and I suppose for Seungmin too - the night hadn’t ended just yet.
Changbin went ahead and effortlessly carried Felix into his room (like the proud peacock he is), Hyunjin sprinted to Jeongin's room before Jeongin himself could even enter it, and Jisung decided upon himself that he would be in charge of taking care of that old man (he was quite determined, so who was I to say no?). That left me and Seungmin to retreat to our own separate bedrooms. Seungmin seemed to have wanted to tell me something, but the second I opened my mouth, the door to his room closed. Normally, I wouldn't leave him alone until he told me what he wanted to say, but that night was an exception. Perhaps I was simply feeling tired and didn’t want to chase after him anymore.
But I suppose breaking out of the pattern would inevitably lead to another unexpected situation: Seungmin came to me first.
I stood in the middle of the room, replying to unanswered texts in the dark, until I heard the doorknob twist and the door crack open. I looked up from my phone, instantly recognizing Seungmin in the distance as he walked inside and closed the door behind him. I didn't even have enough time to say a word - or even react - before he placed his palm on my chest and led me to my bed, all the while staring into my soul with some of the most focused eyes plastered on his otherwise calm face.
I stared back at him, letting him push me onto the bed and tower over me. I quite liked it, getting dominated like this by Seungmin, but I wasn't sure what he was trying to do - hell, I didn't even allow myself to speak or move. I just waited. Waited for him to talk, waited for him to break the silence, and he did eventually— but in the most unexpected way, of course.
"I've decided, hyung."
"Mm." What was he getting at?
"I like you too. So... let's date. Let's be together, you and me."
"I— uh—" I blinked. "Huh??!"
I was stupefied, so stupefied that I had to prop myself up on my elbows and intensely gaze into Seungmin's eyes to make sure he wasn't pulling a shitty prank on me. No matter how playful he can be, he'd know better than to play with someone's feelings like that. So at the same time, I knew already that Seungmin was being sincere. But still, it took me a moment to process his words. I'd tried so hard to block my confession out of my memory. I was convinced at the time that these feelings were one-sided, that they'd never be reciprocated. I thought it was basically impossible for me to find love, especially in a guy as flawless as Seungmin. But…
The guy I liked so much was literally on top of me, sitting on my crotch, and he had just spoken the words I've been dreaming to hear all this time. I… I would be this planet’s biggest idiot if I pushed him away right now.
"What? Did you…” A cloud of fear shadowed over his eyes. “…change your mind?"
"No, I just…” I averted my eyes, feeling flustered all over. “I didn’t expect you to be so straightforward.”
“But I’ve always been straightforward.”
“I know, but— god, how do I deal with you?”
“I’m sorry,” Seungmin apologized all of a sudden. I looked back at him immediately, furrowing my eyebrows. Why’s he being like this? “It must’ve been annoying to wait. Thank you for being patient with me.”
I stared at him in silence for a bit, imagining the confusion, shame, and inner turmoil he must’ve been through. No, I couldn’t even begin to imagine. My parents were fine with whatever sexual preferences I had. They couldn’t care less if I brought home a boy instead of a girl. But Seungmin’s parents…
“Don’t apologize, Seungmin-ah.” I raised an arm and caressed his hair. My heart ached for him. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
“But what about you?”
“Me?” This bastard had the time to think about me? “I’m always here for you. Even if you rejected me today, that wouldn’t change anyth—”
Before I could even finish my sentence, something warm and soft touched my lips, and soon enough, Seungmin's pretty eyes were closed. I didn't know what was happening, I didn't even know how to respond, but my heart was beating out of my chest, so I let the need to kiss him back wash away all my concerns.
I let him sleep with me in bed that night.
Fast forward to six days later, it’s already about to be New Year’s day. My first New Year… with Seungmin.
If it weren’t for that night, I wouldn’t have ended up here, standing beside the love of my life in the heart of the city and counting down the remaining seconds of the year together. Normally, I wouldn’t come to such event and blend in with the crowd. Seungmin either— admittedly, we were both the type to stay home and enjoy quality time together. The silence was always comfortable. But this year is different, because for the first time ever…
“FIVE!”
“FOUR!”
“THREE!”
I can simply kiss him…
“TWO!”
“ONE!”
And it wouldn’t matter.
“HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!”
Because right now, in the first hour of the new year, we’re just us.
“MINHO!” Seungmin shouts my name despite my being right next to him, since the area has started to roar cheers and whistles. “HAPPY NEW... year?”
And nothing more or less.
I lean in, wrapping my arms around Seungmin’s waist and already feeling his warm breath sighing against my lips. I momentarily glance up at his eyes, noticing the snowflakes gently falling and melting onto his pink nose and cheeks. He’s beautiful, so beautiful.
But when Seungmin abruptly sniffles and grabs a napkin from his pocket to blow his nose, I realize that he was cold, perhaps even freezing, under that sweater, coat, and scarf.
I suddenly feel the need to ditch the countdown, drag Seungmin home, wrap him up in thick blankets beside the fireplace, and make him a hot chocolate. But the warm smile on his face when he looks at me again melts away all my worries in a heartbeat- and somewhat refreshes my mind. Coming here was his idea, and back at the apartment, he seemed to have really wanted to go. I agreed to it, of course. What was the harm in going when all that's bothersome right now is this goddamn cold weather? That and…
…I wanted him to be happy, too.
"Hey, are you okay?" Seungmin suddenly asks me. His face may not show it, but the sound of his voice tells me that he’s concerned. "Are you too cold?"
Am I too cold? More like are you too cold? I heave a sigh, a puff of breath floating to the clouds. Perhaps a good night's cuddle back at home could remove all the cold from his body instead. Seungmin getting a cold - or worse, a fever - is the last thing I wish upon him.
"Barely." I kiss him, finally. "Happy new year, Seungminnie."