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He was gone, and she was alone.
Chilli walked through the silent halls of her house. It all started shortly after Christmas. They were celebrating the holidays with their family when Bandit complained about feeling sick. After the festivities ended, he became bedridden and was coughing his lungs out, and he wasn’t getting better. Shortly after the new year began, he would be hospitalized. The doctors told her he had contracted the flu and developed pneumonia. They told her they would do everything they could to stabilize him, but with how the disease was progressing, he probably wouldn’t make it. Bandit for his part seemed resigned to the fact he was going to die. Bluey, Bingo, and all their loved ones came around to say their goodbyes. Chilli stayed by his side, watching as the love of her life slowly faded away.
Within 10 days, he was gone.
He was cremated in accordance with his wishes and his ashes were spread near the trailer park he vacationed at as a kid. The one where he believed he first met her roughly 70 years ago. Afterwards they celebrated his life. A small funeral service was held in his honor with a lively afterparty. They ate, drank, reminisced about their favorite moments with him, and did everything they could to alleviate the grief and find conclusion in his passing. But as much as Bluey and Bingo wanted to keep their mother company, they had lives of their own now, and Chilli would have to return to a house and a life that was now half empty.
She sat down on the flatpack they set up on the verandah, watching as the sun set over the horizon. A part of her wanted to find something to blame for his death. To find any reason as to why it was unfair of the universe to take him away from her. The problem was his death was about as fair as it got. She had been able to spend 50 years with the most loving, vibrant, and caring man in the world. He was getting old, and his body was failing him. Even if the pneumonia didn’t end his life, it would have severely weakened him. All he would have been able to do was lay around in bed, uncomfortable and miserable until something else inevitably killed him off. She didn’t have to see him suffer for long, and he got to die by her side, staring at her with the same love and warmth in his eyes as the day they first met.
There could have been no better ending to his life. But she still missed him dearly, longed to hear him doing housework, typing on his computer, yelling obscenities at the lawnmower, doing anything. But with a bitter heart, she had to accept that she would never hear any of those sweet sounds ever again.
As the sun sank beneath the horizon, and the darkness of night slowly replaced the light of day, she closed her eyes. Her mind recollecting every moment of her life she spent with him. The time they met at the party in London, stuttering their way through conversations with one another and dancing the night away. Their trips around the world together, hand in hand from Bali to Milan. The times they got intimate together, staring into each other’s eyes as they joined together body and soul. Their engagement in Italy, the excitement and joy she felt as he bent down on one knee and proposed to her. Their unforgettable wedding, him taking her into his arms and vowing to love her, till death do us part.
She felt herself tear up as she lived through that moment again. So young and carefree, no thought given to what would happen when they actually parted, when it all came to an end. She almost wished she could live in that moment forever, but then she’d be neglecting everything that happened afterwards. The many nights he comforted her after her first pregnancy failed, him going through her checklist every morning until she moved on. The adventures they had with their kids, the fun they would have and the many lime lessons they would learn together. Watching their children grow up, attending their graduations, their weddings, celebrating their accomplishments and watching them have kids of their own.
She smiled at the thought of all these memories. The struggles and happy moments her and Bandit shared together. They built this life together, a life of ups and downs and turnarounds that taught them and their kids to love and grow and feel good about their lives.
Her life couldn’t have been any better, and it was all thanks to him.
As the night was about to set in, and she was about to doze off, she felt a wispy arm wrap around her back. She opened her eyes and saw him sitting next to her, body faint and opaque, looking out at the horizon with a smile on his face.
“Beautiful sunset isn’t it, babe?”
Her heart got stuck in her throat as she tried to think of a response to this apparition. She had to have fallen asleep, this had to be a dream, but even if it was, she wanted to talk to him again. After some effort, she found her voice again.
“It sure was big fella.”
It broke her heart using that nickname. A nickname she could never use again.
The apparition turned to her, smile still on his face, love in his eyes, and began to speak to her in that calm and gentile voice that helped her through many hard times.
“Remember how you told your dad he should take care of himself because you still needed him?”
She remembered all too well how stubborn he was. How many times she implored him to not overexert himself.
“Well now you got to do the same for Bluey and Bingo. They’re doing great right now, and I have no doubt they’ll live long and happy lives just like we did.”
He took her paws in his and stared into her eyes.
“But they still need you Chilli. Even if not for much longer, they’ll want to spend as much time with their mum as they can before she has to move on as well. I promised I would always love you guys, and if I had a say in things, I would have stayed with you even after the universe ended.”
She felt herself leaning towards his face, the air around him radiating the same warmth she felt when he was still alive.
“Promise me that you’ll carry on as long as you can, for their sake and my own. After all, they’re as much a part of me as they are of you.”
She took a deep breath and summoned all the courage she could to not break down and cry. She placed her hands on his spectral cheeks and spoke two simple words, her last words to him before she would see him again.
“I promise”
He leaned forward and planted his lips on hers. For the briefest of moments, she could taste them again, soft and sweet to the very end. Then as soon as it started, it was over and she was once again alone.
She looked out at the horizon and noticed it was nighttime, the sun nowhere to be seen and the night sky filled with the stars and planets above.
She looked up and saw the planet Jupiter, its faint gaseous glow shining through the darkness of the cosmos. Almost as if it was keeping an eye on her, even from several light years away.
She waved to the distant planet, got up and went to bed.
He might not be able to show her the same affection he did in life. She might not be able to talk to, hear, or feel him again. But he was still there, watching over her as she lived out the last of her days with her kids and remaining friends. Cheering her on until the day she would inevitably join him, and they could sail the stars together, forever.
Until then she had to carry on, content with the knowledge that if she wanted to see him again, all she had to do was close her eyes.