Work Text:
MAJOR TW.
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SUICIDE AND SELF HARM TALK. DO NOT READ IF UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THESE TOPICS.
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Shuriken rolled his eyes out of annoyance. He was in another lecture from his sister, Vinestaff.
She complained and complained, telling Shuriken that what he did was dangerous, not that he cared anyway. All her yelling was blurred out, the words morphing together to make a slosh of incoherent sentences. He stared at Vinestaff, eyes half lidded in a daze. Suddenly, Shuriken felt a grip on his forearm, snapping him out of his daydreaming.
"THIS. THIS IS THE RESULT OF YOUR REFUSAL TO TELL ME ANYTHING. THIS IS WHY YOUR BLOOD STAINS MY SCISSORS, MY HANDS." Vinestaff yells, gripping shurikens arm harder. He hisses, it burns. He stares at her, she knows the cuts are fresh. Shuriken is brought back to the reality he hates. Alas, she's still yelling at him.
The pain hits heavily on Shurikens arm, he snatches it back, beginning to hyperventilate. His breaths shorten yet quicken, heart racing a million times an hour. His head may be in the clouds but his body still feels the pain. It hurts. He knows it, and so does she.
"I need time," Vinestaff sighs, she's tired of yelling and yelling to no avail. She begins to walk away, not to anywhere specific but somewhere away from here. Trying to talk to Shuriken is like yelling at a brick wall, it doesn't budge. He's stubborn, it'll be the death of him. He's a trickster, he has ears like a dog. Yet his hearing is so selective.
Shuriken checks his arm, flipping his forearm around to see his wrist. The bleeding has started up again. He didn't care to clean it, he loved the pain anyway.
He was sick and tired of this.
Sick of the lectures, sick of the pain, sick of the guilt. Oh, the guilt. Guilty for hurting not himself; but his lover Boombox.
Boombox was perfect, no words could explain how much shuriken loved him. From his hair to his visor, he could name a thousand things that were beautiful about Boombox. But yet, he hated him so much.
Boombox knew of Shurikens problems, that was the worst part. Every slash of the skin was accompanied by pain and guilt. Guilt for his beloved. Boombox hated when he cut himself, or even spoke bad about himself. He would constantly remind Shuri that he "deserved better." Shuriken begged to differ.
Shurikens ears rang, feelings and thoughts, desires, flooding his mind. He grit his teeth and shut his eyes, bringing his hands to his head in frustration. He dug his fingernails in his temples and dragged down slowly. He needed these thoughts out.
Maybe the guilt would be gone if he died.
He couldn't, Boombox would hate him. But Shuriken couldn't care if he were dead.
It seemed very tempting. It could mean an end to the cuts, an end to the lectures, to the pain, to the guilt. All would be over.
The blood from earlier dripped down shurikens tattooed arm, the crimson red blood masking the green marks. In tribute of his sister, to which he now regretted. His sister didn't care, he was sure of it. If she really cared, she would have been more sympathetic to shurikens situation, not yell at him.
Shuriken already felt guilty enough for his lover, and now this? It was all too much.
He began to give in to his thoughts, believing it was the only way out. While impractical, it was easy.
Tomorrow it would be new years.
Shuriken would go to the top of his apartment, they don't have a fence.
When the clock strikes, when the fireworks are set alight. He would take a step, most would consider too far.
It was only 11 pm, he'd better start writing his suicide note. He first drafted it up in his notes app, finally happy with the results he picks out a piece of loose leaf paper and starts re writing it in his favourite pen.
Dear those I love the most,
If you have found this note, I am probably dead by now.
My suicide will never be your fault, nor anyone else's. You all did what you could, unfortunately, you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
I am ridden of guilt and I deserve it. I'm sorry for leaving you, maybe next time you can find someone worth saving. I am corrupt and dirty. I am undeserving of your sorrow, so please feel no pain. I wish you will have a better life than I had.
I've always been stupid, and you can continue to call me so. Just know, I still love you. All of you.
I'm sorry.
-Shuriken
Shuriken nodded, it was 11:55.
He made his way to the rooftop, all his soul within him burning as the thoughts fierce influence made him stumble drunkenly.
He felt dazed, unsure if this was reality. It felt like a dream, yet more like a nightmare. He felt like he was walking on the earths core, his steps heavy and imprinting. His blood from earlier still refused to cease, trickling down onto the carpet of the apartment. He took the stairs, opening the door to the stairwell. He took the first step, feeling like his entire body weight was dragging along with him rather than moving in sync. He was completely out of service, feeling like a machine with rusted gears.
His breathing became heavy as he finally reached the top, opening the door. He took a step out, the cold air hitting his body instantly. He shivered slightly, tingles travelling up his back. He took a big deep breath in, he closed the door behind him. He walked all the way to the edge. He looked over the edge pensively. He was 15 stories above the ground. It was 11:59.
He felt the burden of living be slowly lifted as the seconds went by, feeling like an eternity.
Suddenly, he heard the rooftop door slam open. His heart sank at the familiar voice he heard.
"SHURIKEN, PLEASE, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING." Boombox yelled from afar.
Boombox was meant to surprise Shuriken with a visit for New years, after not finding him in his apartment room he assumed he'd be on the rooftop enjoying the view. That's when he saw Shuriken two steps too close to the edge. Knowing Shurikens self destructive behaviour he knew the worst was about to happen.
The people pooling at the bottom of the building started chanting down the numbers, ten seconds.
Shuriken sighed. Boombox sobbed.
10
Boombox stepped closer to Shuriken, approaching him gently.
9
Shuriken smiled, looking down.
8
He refused to let his eyes meet with boombox'. He couldn't deal with the guilt in his moment of liberty.
7
Shuriken shuffled his feet closer off the edge.
6
Boombox couldn't keep his composure, he began to cry softly.
5
Boombox tried to speak, but his words only erupted in figure 8's.
4
Shuriken turned his head around for one last glimpse at his beloved before it was over.
3
"PLEASE SHURIKEN, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS, PLEASE." Boombox broke into tears, he couldn't lose shuriken. He couldn't.
2
"I'm sorry."
1
A number, a chant, a breath,
A leap of faith.
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(1206 words)
why is this so cring fuck me