i wrote this during my first semester of college, at the time i didnt really know what i was feeling or how to contextualize it and in retrospect i was going through a depressive episode. i originally was very excited to be living alone in a dorm a city away from my family but it was a lot lonelier then i ever anticipated it to be, especially living with a dormmate that i hated, on top of it all was a new school setting where i knew no one and i had just started coming to terms with my expression of gender it was really hard to want to put much of effort into anything. this ended up resulting in me performing really poorly with classwork so much so that i dropped out because i thought, and i still kinda think this do this day, that i was not good enough and that there was something wrong with me it feels really bad to not feel good enough to pursue your goals in life. luckily though after dropping out i became a lot closer to two friends that i really didnt know that well and they really helped me regain my confidence and brought back desire and excitement in wanting to be better. i dont think those friends really know how much they effected my life and i love them both a lot because of it. anyway i forgot where i was trying to go with this, i just wanted to give some context to the inspiration of motivation that came into writing this poem. it was a mixture of feeling alone, not happy with myself in terms of mentality and body and the desire of not wanting to be seen.
about me ---
name: eve (she/her)
age: 19 , Feb 04
gender: trans woman
goals: I made this account in hopes of publishing original work though i have been convinced to write some fanfics (didnt take much i wanted to do it)
top 5 anime:
1. One Piece
2. Evangelion
3. JJBA
4. Blue Period
5. JJK / SAO
go ahead and ask me any questions you want, ill answer them
