Work Text:
Carina would vote, "Holy shit Car, you're gonna be late," whilst getting the covers pulled down from over your head to be up there with the worst ways Maya had ever woken her up.
"Noooo."
"You have to be in work in like fifteen minutes babe," Maya sounded panicked, why Carina wasn't sure because the hospital was like a 7 minute drive away. But that didn't matter because Carina wasn't going to work today. That was decided about half an hour ago when her alarm had sounded and she'd proceeded to silence it for the third time. She just didn't feel like it. Her bed was warm and toasty, Maya had the day off. It just made sense to have it off too.
"I'm not going," she tugged the covers out of Maya's hand and pulled them back over her head. Carina realised that this wasn't a good enough answer so added, thinking on her feet, "I don't feel good." That was a lie. She felt fine, aside from the fact she didn't want to go to the job she loved for no reason. Well, there was a reason, Carina just didn't want to admit that to herself or anyone else yet.
"You don't," sweet gentle caring Maya was her favourite and she was pleased in her spontaneity she had picked something that would get her snuggles. Maya's hand landed on her forehead before she had time to push it away, "you don't have a fever, sweetheart."
Hmm, what was she going to say didn't feel good? Giving herself time she rolled over, away from Maya, remembering to groan. She felt Maya's hand on her back, "My head hurts. And my throat. And my stomach." Oh, maybe the last one wasn't a good idea because Maya would probably say no breakfast and breakfast was life, whoops.
"You poor thing," Maya's lips pressed into her cheek, after her hand had tucked her hair behind her ear.
"Mmm. Can you call work?"
"You haven't called them yet?" Maya asked, sounding a little surprised.
"I kept falling asleep."
"Okay, what did you have on today?" She could hear Maya searching for her phone.
"Shit," this would make it believeable, Carina thought as she sat up in bed, making sure to hold her head as she did, "I forgot about the training," she had not, "oh I should go in."
"Baby, baby, baby, slow down," Maya grabbed her arms, "you're not well. You can't go to work," Maya sat her back on the bed gently, "don't stress about work, or the course, there's always more you can go on."
"Bu-"
"No, no, lie back down," Maya tucked her in as soon as she had, "let me sort it. You just rest."
Carina felt only a little guilty as Maya left the room to speak to her boss, the head of maternal paediatric medicine, who was a bit of an ass. She burrowed back into her bed and sighed happily at the prospect of missing her course and also spending a day in bed. And havinv her Maya there, to cuddle up with.
"All sorted bab-" Maya trailed off, finding Carina softly snoring. She put Carina's phone back on her bedside table and plugged it in, trying to shake the feeling that it was a coincidence the day she got sick was the day abortion and miscarriage support training was happening. She reached into the covers, which only Carina's nose and mouth were peaking out of, and felt again for a temperature. Whether to reassure to herself that Carina was okay and not super sick, or something else, she wasn't sure.
"Maya."
"Sorry. That's all sorted, my love." Maya perched on the bed behind her and rubbed up and down her arm.
"Can you cuddle?" She sounded so small that Maya almost said yes immediately.
"I will, but I just need a shower first, I'm all sweaty from my run and it's making me a little chilly."
"Its warm in here." Carina lifted one bit of the covers.
Maya chuckled, "I know," she stroked Carina's cheek, "let me have a super quick shower and then I'll be ready to snuggle."
"Room for a little one?" Maya asked, changed into some light shorts and a tank top, so she wouldn't overheat in Carina's cocoon. Her wife always did this, they'd be snuggling and as soon as it was time to fall asleep she'd pull the covers up over her head and then peak her little face out. Maya had offered to turn the heat on in their room in the early days in the relationship but had just discovered that it was actually just Carina's little habit to make her feel cozy. The only thing that had annoyed Maya was her feet always ended up sticking out because Carina would squish herself up and tuck her feet under too. So, Maya had brought a king size duvet for their queen sized bed and solved that problem. "I bought a few things to make you feel better."
"I don't need anything. Just you," this was the truth, whether she was sick or not, Maya made everything better.
"Well let's do you temperature at least so we can see how you're going." Carina hadn't thought about this, and she should have. Maya did this every time there was even a hint someone wasn't feeling a hundred percent. Carina peaked her head out of the covers and looked at Maya and her thermometer. "Can you get me a tea?"
"Of course, what type? Peppermint, or buttermint for your tummy maybe? Or like a throat coat one?"
"Lemon and ginger, with a bit of honey?"
"Sure, honey for my honey," Maya nuzzled her nose against Carina's cheek before she kissed her jaw, "are you feeling sick?"
Carina shook her head, giving Maya her best, 'I don't feel good' smile. Maya left the thermometer on her bedside and disappeared to get her some tea. Plan formulated, Carina got up almost as soon as Maya had gone and took the thermometer running it under the tap as she went for a pee. This way it would get just a little hotter than body temperature and she could fake a low fever. She presses the button and smiled when it flashed 100.58.
"My brain isn't working," Carina mumbled, holding the thermometer out to Maya, "is this a fever?"
Maya sighed, "Yeah, baby, just a little one but it won't be making you feel any better. Here's your tea."
"Grazie, andiamo," Maya gave her a sad smile and climbed in next to her, pulling the covers over Carina's head once she had sipped her tea and found her rightful place curled into Maya's body, head on her chest.
"I don't like it when you're ill," Maya said out of the blue, kissing the top of Carina's head, "but I like the cuddles that come with it, it's like you're my little love bug on steroids."
"Shh, Maya."
"Sorry, go to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up."
Maya was trying to tidy the house as quietly as possible. She was desperate to vacuum but wanted to leave it for as long as possible so Carina could continue to sleep. She always slept a lot when she wasn't well and today seemed no different. Maya had escaped the cocoon after about an hour, making sure to tuck her all the way back in, just how she liked. They seemed to be doing a lot of hiding under the covers recently, but, honestly, Maya wasn't one bit upset about it.
"I'm not actually sick." Maya jumped out of her skin, she hadn't heard Carina get up. She spun around and saw her wife stood there with her hands in the air, like she was surrendering. "I lied, I'm sorry." Maya noticed the tear tracks as she said this and stood, leaving the bottle of polish and cloth on the bottom of the fireplace. Silently she wrapped her arms around Carina and pulled her head onto her shoulder feeling her heart clench as Carina started sobbing.
"Its okay to need a mental health day. And it's okay to pass on training if it's going to be triggering."
"I didn't know it would be," she sniffed, trying to focus on Maya's arms holding her tight and the touch of her fingertips on her scalp that came and went with Maya combing her hair. "Until this week and I've been full of dread about it. But I thought- and then I woke up this morning."
"Thank you for telling me. Come on my love." Maya walked them back into the bedroom and perfectly tucked them under the covers, so Carina was all the was enclosed in the duvet, her head on Maya's chest.
"I know I- I know I. I know most women wouldn't have even known they were pregnant and would have just got their period and thought nothing of it. But I feel like, it feels like, a part of me is missing. And they weren't even- but i-"
"That's because they were, baby, they were a part of you that just suddenly wasn't there. It was effort and time and love, so much love, its okay to feel like that. Its normal and healthy. Do you know what?"
"What?"
"I think about them all the time. I think about what their life might have been. How scared I would have been to meet them but that feeling of holding them. It hurts. It always hurts. Will always hurt. And it makes me mad too. That we got that positive finally, after so much-" Maya gave a sad laugh, "that everything looked great, you had symptoms, hope, and then," Maya sighed, squeezing her tightly, "we'll be alright though, we'll, they'll always be ours."
"Maya?"
"Mmm."
"Can we name them?"
"That sounds like a really good idea. Anything in mind, my love?"
"Its hard because there are not really any gender neutral names in Italiano. It is sort of O for a boy A for a girl."
"I always thought they were a girl," Maya admitted, tracing patterns on Carina's arm. Carina twisted to look at her and smiled, "me too."
"So a girls name? Or a more feminine one?"
Carina nodded, "nothing feels quite enough when I think."
Maya nodded, she understood that completely. Leaning into the silence she closed her eyes and let herself imagine what it would have been like to meet this baby. To watch her grow in Carina's belly, the anticipation to meet her and the fear of doing right by her. The early mornings and late nights, the dance parties and the heart breaks. She felt tears fall at the thought of a life that wouldn't ever be, with that baby, with their baby.
"Mia?" Maya suggested, wiping her eyes with her hoodie sleeve, "like, that's 'mine' right? My, mine?"
"Mia DeLuca-Bishop," Carina turned to look at her again and swiped away another tear from Maya's cheek, "I love it. Thank you, Bambina."
"And your M necklace, that can be for her. People will think that it's for me but it's Mia's." Maya brushed her finger over the gold oval pendant with an M engraved in it that Carina had brought the day before they found out their IVF had worked. When Maya had asked she couldn’t explain why she had been drawn to it. Maybe, it was Mia, sending a sign.
"We'll know its Mia."
"come ho fatto ad essere così fortunato quando ti ho trovato?" Carina whispered, turning to she could curl into Maya's chest, her hand reaching to hold on to Mia's necklace. To her legacy and the joy and hope she brought in the five days that she was theirs completely.
[How did I get so lucky when I found you]