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Idiot.
Idiot, idiot, idiot. How could you have ever been so foolish, so stupid, so naïve? How could you have misunderstood things so badly?
Trust me , Bakugou had said, and so you had.
He's blunt, straight forward about how he feels , Kirishima had said, and so you'd taken everything at face value. What the fuck was this?
A stranger. An outsider. Someone they'd never see again. That’s all you were.
This was already too much.
I know.
This was a charity.
I know!
Could you blame them? For not being willing to risk everything? Of course not. You could reason with yourself, see the logic in destroying the gem to avoid the wrath of the Ebon dragons. It hurt, but it was far from personal. No, the thing that tore your heart from your chest played over and over in your mind, an endless reverberation.
We’ll find them a home in the city, or Deku has enough room in his shitty little hut. He’ll take them in.
You cannot go home, to your own realm. And you cannot stay with the home you have built here. Lost again. Alone again. Though had you ever truly been found? Ever been anything except alone? You'd fooled yourself into believing you had begun to belong. A childish illusion of comfort. God, how many tales had you spun to weave your delusion?
Your cheeks burned from the shame coursing through you. It had been so long since you had experienced friendship, you couldn't even discern the difference between basic fucking kindness and genuine care and affection. They hadn't protected you all this time because they were fond of you. They did it because they were good people. Fuck!
He’d said it only days ago on the boat.
No need to keep thanking me for doing what I need to.
He wasn’t being stoic, you love struck fool. He just doesn't care.
Could it really all have been a lie? A misunderstanding? You'd worked hard to pull your weight, balancing your study of the sword, the bow, foraging, tracking, and hunting. You'd traded almost all of your belongings to cover the cost of a new blade for Bakugou. You'd saved Kirishima’s life. You'd slept under the stars together. You'd danced, bathed, fought, laughed, cried...
Up there, in the sky together for the first time, your heart had almost burst out of your chest when Bakugou called you "traveller" instead of "outsider".
What a performance from the prince of the barbarians. He'd never meant a word of it at all, had he? Either he'd pitied you and feigned companionship to comfort the poor lost little traveller, or he thought you were a desperate, lonely moron who would do whatever he asked as long as he drip fed just enough attention and affection to keep you satiated.
What about you and your own life? Do you not value it anymore? You’re willing to throw everything away to help this person we’re never going to see again?
I uprooted my entire life for a gods-damned stranger.
It isn’t worth it anymore. It doesn’t benefit him anymore. The cost outweighs the benefit. Of course. Of course. Why would he keep going? How could you ask him to? It was always just him and Kirishima. You were an unwelcome, temporary guest.
The thoughts careening around your skull came quick and erratic as your breaths.
I need to go home. Leaving will be unbearable. I can’t do this alone. I can’t put them in more danger. They don’t care about me the way I thought they did. I care about them too much.
You cared about them so goddamn much. You’d rather die than let anything happen to them because of you. All they had done for you was too much to ask already. You couldn't, wouldn't, ask any more of them. It was beyond unfair. Even if it hurt like a bitch.
No matter what, at the end of this journey, they wanted to be rid of you. Bakugou wanted you gone from the moment you’d met. It was your own damn fault for ever believing that his feelings had changed. Why would they? Why would they ever want someone like you to stay?
So you’d take the choice from them. You’d take the burden away. They’d done more than most would ever be willing to. You will forever be grateful for that. You won't intrude any longer, refuse to humiliate yourself further. You'll go the rest of the way on your own, or die trying. The prince and the dragon wouldn't need to put themselves in danger anymore.
They were free of you. Forever.