Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first thing Eunseok thought of when he finally manages to stop the flashing lights in his head from going off is that he is in dire need of water.

His throat feels extremely parched and his head hurts. A lot. It is not even like the usual hangover after a long night out of partying. It feels heavy and there is a constant pounding in his head that he wishes would stop. And those flashing lights, they come and go. He reaches up to grab a hold of his head and that is when he realizes the bandage wrapped around his head.

He slowly blinks his eyes open and look at his surroundings. Tubes everywhere. White walls, white sheets.

And Eunseok is not alone in the room.

He first sees Sungchan, his long-time friend.

Huh?

He looks, dare Eunseok say, older. Like age caught up to him. His hair is not the usual chocolate brown colour, all long and shaggy. It is shorter now and dyed a lighter brown, almost blonde. There is a concerned look on his face which he doesn’t understand why.

Then he sees the rest of their small group - Seunghan and Shotaro. Seunghan looked like he lost weight, his jawline more define and Shotaro is slightly taller now.

This feels weird. Why does everyone look older and just - not like how he remembered them to be?

They are only eighteen, still young and in college.

Finally, he notices Wonbin standing in the corner of the room, behind everyone else.

Park Wonbin.

The shorter man looks the same - big round eyes, full plush lips - sans the baby fats in his cheeks. He is wearing the red and black plaid shirt that he always wears, Eunseok knows that is his favourite even if he doesn’t say. Of course, he doesn’t miss the black beanie on his head. Eunseok knows Wonbin is never not seen with a beanie on.

How Eunseok knows all this? He’s just observant. Maybe.

Overall, Eunseok thinks Wonbin looks good and Eunseok always think he looks great, except that Wonbin looks like he either did not get enough sleep or has been crying with the way his eyes are puffy and bloodshot.

But what Eunseok is most curious about is - why is he here?

***

“I know that I am currently hospitalized but why do you guys act as though I am dead?” Eunseok asks, after finally drinking a cup of water to quench his thirst.

“What do you mean ‘as though I am dead’? You almost died, man!” Sungchan answers gruffly.

“Okay, but I didn’t. So calm down. Geez,” Eunseok retorts, already feeling his head starting to pound again.

“I am glad you’re okay, Seok,” Shotaro says gently, a relieved smile on his face.

“I don’t know how long I’ve been in a coma but damn, you guys look so much older than the last time I saw you which was literally yesterday,” Eunseok raises a brow.

Silence follows after what he said.

“Erm-“ Seunghan finally speaks up, albeit hesitantly. “Do you remember what year we are in?”

Eunseok frowns, confused, “It is 2014, isn’t it?”

The three of them exchange looks with each other and Eunseok is starting to feel annoyed. Ever since he woke up, everything feels weird. Different.

Eunseok can’t help but to notice that Wonbin has also turned his body to face the wall, his back towards them – arms wrapped around his slim waist.

Again, why is Wonbin here with them?

“Eunseok, don’t freak out but-“ Shotaro stops himself and takes a deep breath. “It’s been 10 years and it’s the year 2024. You’re not 18 anymore. We are not 18 anymore.”

Eunseok snorts at that, “Are you guys fucking around with me again? Because the last time you guys did that-“

“We aren’t,” Sungchan mumbles, clenching his jaw and staring ahead.

If he is not eighteen anymore, that would mean he is twenty-eight by now. Not in college anymore and clearly already working.

“No, no fucking way,” Eunseok whispers.

“The doctor said that when you wake up, you are most likely not going to remember a lot. Guess he was right,” Seunghan sighs.

“Holy shit,” Eunseok breathes out.

Now it all makes sense why they all look a little different, a little older. Ten years is long. Really long. He wonders now what he looks like.

“Can I see what I look like now?” Eunseok asks.

“Still ugly,” Sungchan retorts.

“Oh, shut up. And your mouth only knows to speak trash even till now, I see.”

Eunseok doesn’t know what is it about his statement but that causes all of them (sans Wonbin who has now turned his body back around, eyes redder than before) to start chuckling and he feels like things are back to normal again.

He starts to wonder what else has changed. Did he manage to graduate college? Is he working? If yes, as what? Is he in a relationship? Or is he married?

So many thoughts running through his head that his head starts spinning a little. But then there is one question he really wants to know.

“Anyway, why is Wonbin here again? Did he suddenly join our little group of misfits without me knowing or...?” Eunseok drawls.

“He’s actually-“

“We live together now,” Wonbin cuts Sungchan off, standing by the door of his private room ward.

If Eunseok could choke on air, he would.

Instead, Eunseok asks, scratching his nape because damn was he confused as hell. “And why are we living together again?”

“He is your-“ Sungchan speaks up again but then stops when Wonbin shakes his head at him.

“Housemate?” Eunseok jumps in.

“Something like that,” Wonbin mumbles in response. “Anyway, the doctor said he wants to speak to me. I’ll come back later.”

When Wonbin leaves, Sungchan sighs frustratedly and Eunseok honestly doesn’t know why.

“Are you guys hiding something from me?” Eunseok asks, not bothering to beat around the bush.

“I think it’s not our place to tell you. Wonbin should be the one to tell you,” Shotaro answers, his eyes looking sad. “You must be tired. We will leave now for you to rest and then we will come back again tomorrow.”

***

It has been almost a week since Eunseok woke up and finally, Eunseok gets to go home. The wide smile on his face when the nurse told him that he is ready to head back home makes Wonbin realise how much he has missed him.

Home has been so lonely and quiet since Eunseok’s accident. Sometimes when it gets too much, Wonbin will sleepover at Sungchan’s apartment. Thankfully, Sungchan’s boyfriend - Chanyoung - doesn’t mind.

Wonbin is currently waiting for Eunseok to change into his comfortable clothes after having brought it for him from home. He sighs as he thinks about what happened earlier.

“So, this is your favourite blue hoodie. Had to wash it because I’ve been- Nevermind.” Eunseok raises a brow at Wonbin ’s sudden change in statement.

“Here is also some comfortable sweatpants for you. I’m sure you must be feeling a little uncomfortable wearing the hospital gown for so long,” Wonbin finishes off with a tiny smile on his face.

“Thanks,” Eunseok mutters and the smile on Wonbin ’s face drop, a little disappointed at his lackluster response.

Honestly, Wonbin doesn’t even know what he is expecting. A peck on the cheek maybe? A soft brush of his lips on Wonbin’s temple perhaps? Little gestures that Eunseok used to do to him for even the simplest things.

But then he remembers that things are not the same anymore and he should not expect much.

“Hey.”

Wonbin whips his head to look at Eunseok who looks fresh after taking a short bath and changed out of his hospital gown.

“You look-“ Eunseok tilts his head, waiting for Wonbin to continue. “You look good.”

Eunseok begins walking slowly to place his hospital gown, which is neatly folded, on the bed for the nurses to take when they leave the hospital.

“Are you not telling me something?” Eunseok asks, straight to the point, and sits at the edge of the bed.

Wonbin internally sighs. Eunseok may have lost his memory but he is not stupid. Wonbin knows that too well. He also may not talk much but he is observant.

“What do you mean?” Wonbin fiddles with his fingers, suddenly nervous, especially now that it is just the two of them in the room.

The rest of their little group left after visiting Eunseok one last time before he gets discharged from the hospital.

“You say we are housemates right?” Eunseok asks slowly.

“Yeah,” Wonbin mumbles a reply.

“Your boyfriend is fine with it?” Eunseok wonders, scratching the back of his neck.

Wonbin’s heart thumps.

Boyfriend.

Who is he referring to?

“I forgot his name. That one pretty tall guy? Oh something,” Eunseok tries to recall.

Ah.

“Oh Sion?” “Yeah, him!” “We broke up, a really long time ago. Like, 10 years ago?”

“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry.” Eunseok genuinely looks guilty - as though he feels bad for having brought up a past relationship - and Wonbin wants to laugh because he honestly could not care less about that relationship.

It wasn’t like the break-up was bad. But he and Sion are so much better off as friends that it felt as though their relationship never existed.

“My last memory of you was that you were happily dating him. It seemed pretty serious that I thought you guys would end up getting married.”

Clearly, not serious enough if we only lasted for a year and then I ended up with you eventually. Wonbin thinks.

“Well, it was a mutual break-up. We’re okay,” Wonbin shrugs.

“Hmm, then it would make sense then,” Eunseok says, more to himself.

“Makes sense about?” Wonbin probes.

Not bothering to answer Wonbin, he immediately asks, “What are we actually? We aren’t just housemates, right?”

“I- I don’t understand,” Wonbin replies, avoiding his piercing gaze.

He starts to walk around the room, collecting anything that needs to be packed before they leave. Wonbin honestly hates lying to Eunseok and he feels like he might just blurt out the truth any moment.

“I mean,” Eunseok speaks, this time his voice is loud and firm. Wonbin knows then that he is being serious and he is not playing around.

“What exactly is our relationship?” Eunseok asks.

Wonbin takes a deep breath, rubbing his temple. Maybe there really is no point in hiding the truth from Eunseok. Why lie when eventually he will figure out? Eunseok probably has it figured out anyway. Honestly, Wonbin already feels tired from having to keep the truth from him.

“Fine,” Wonbin finally answers, looking up to match Eunseok’s gaze. “Our relationship is special.”

Eunseok hums at that and walks towards Wonbin. When he finally stands in front of him, Wonbin internally curses over the fact that Eunseok’s at least half a head taller than him - something he would usually appreciate. But right now, he just feels small.

Tilting his head, Eunseok’s eyes scan Wonbin’s face.

“Is that why I have a polaroid of you at the back of my phone?”

***

Wonbin opens and closes his mouth like a fish above water at the sight of Eunseok’s phone right before him.

It clearly looks like it is not going to work anymore with how broken it is but the fact that the back of it still holds that one polaroid.

The polaroid that Eunseok has kept since their first Christmas together.

“H-how?” Wonbin stutters.

“The police came by earlier to pass me some of the things they managed to salvage from the car crash,” Eunseok shrugs.

Slightly crumpled and dirty, the polaroid looked like it went through hell and back. Even so, the words written on it is still clear - love.

Love. It is a clear indication of what it really means.

Wonbin sighs and without him realizing, a tear rolls down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away with the back of his hand, hoping that Eunseok misses it. But from the way Eunseok is looking at him with concerned eyes, Wonbin knows he saw it.

“I’m sorry,” Wonbin whispers. “It’s just been really hard lately.”

“I was thinking of telling you the truth, I really did. But I got scared,” he continues, meekly. “And I just kept hoping that you would somehow remember again, since it is something important.”

“You know I can’t remember anything. I still think we are eighteen, Wonbin,” Eunseok says sadly.

“I know and I understand. I’m sorry if you felt like I was blaming you. I’m not,” Wonbin assures Eunseok.

Eunseok nods his head, giving Wonbin an understanding smile.

Wonbin thinks that even if Eunseok can’t grasp the idea of them dating, he would not say or do anything to hurt him.

Closing his eyes, Wonbin counts to ten, taking slow deep breaths until his breathing evens. When he feels that he is ready, he opens his eyes and says,

“We have been in a serious relationship for almost a decade now.”

“You,” Eunseok points to Wonbin before pointing to himself, “and me, in a relationship?”

Wonbin sighs and nods.

Eunseok barks out a laugh, which he immediately regrets because his ribs still hurt a lot. He coughs as his muscle screams in protest.

“Are you okay?” Wonbin asks, immediately going to assist Eunseok.

“I’m fine,” Eunseok stops him before Wonbin can even do anything, his own hand rubbing his ribs gently.

The downcast look that appears on Wonbin’s face makes him feel guilty. But, he is still wrapping his whole head around the idea of dating the smaller man.

“Did something happen that led to us dating?” Eunseok asks, scratching his brow. “Was I dared to date you?”

Wonbin’s heart drop at that and he feels the need to leave the room soon before he breaks down. “I-I don’t think-“

“Wait, shit. I’m sorry. That was really insensitive of me,” Eunseok immediately apologizes as soon as he realizes how much of an asshole he sounded.

“It’s fine.” No, it is not. 

“I guess it isn’t so bad being your boyfriend. You’re cute and pretty,” Eunseok says nonchalantly, as though it isn’t a big deal.

“You’re... okay with it?”

Eunseok shrugs. “I mean, I am very confused but yeah, sure I guess. I think you’re attractive but that’s about it. I never thought I’d act on it.”

“Plus there are other more serious matters like my memory loss problem. So,” Eunseok nods his head, ending the topic conversation.

Not bothering to wait for Wonbin to reply, he continues. “Now that’s clear. Can you take me to get a new phone? I don’t think I’ll be able to survive without one.”

Tongue-tied, Wonbin only nods his head. While Eunseok may be acting calm about the revelation, somehow he feels that it is only the beginning of a brewing storm. Eunseok has always been good at hiding his feelings afterall.

eunseok [5:01pm]

the nerve to have hidden such a crucial information of my life from me

sungchan [5:02pm]

oh…

eunseok [5:02pm]

yeah oh… some best friend you are

sungchan [5:05pm]

seok-ah… i’m really sorry. i really wanted to tell you and you know i would tell you. but taro felt it was better if wonbin tells you himself. afterall, it is his relationship too

eunseok [5:07pm]

you know i was expecting a “ha ha you got pranked” but your message clearly says otherwise

sungchan [5:08pm]

it is not a joke. at all. and i’m begging you to please not say anything that will hurt wonbin

eunseok [5:09pm]

i’m actually offended that you think i would do that

sungchan [5:10pm]

i know all this is very….. new and confusing to you but you love him. like a lot

eunseok [5:11pm]

this is honestly a lot to take in. because what the fuck? 18 years old me would have never thought i’d date wonbin. like THE park wonbin?

sungchan [5:11pm]

yeah…

eunseok [5:12pm]

i swear i thought he was dating sion. they were literally that one campus couple. what the hell happened

sungchan [5:13pm]

things just… happen ya know

sungchan [5:18pm]

you’re going to be okay seok-ah.. i’m worried about you but i know you. you’re strong, have always been strong. you’ll get through it and i hope hard you’ll regain back your memories. he loves you and you do him

eunseok [5:20pm]

yeah well i definitely don’t feel that love for him

sungchan [5:21pm]

but you do

eunseok [5:21pm]

stop repeating that

sungchan [5:22pm]

sorry… just try to learn to love him again. you’ll be surprised by how much love you have for him

Wonbin seems to be struggling opening the door to their apartment, his hands shaking a little and Eunseok doesn’t understand why.

Is he nervous? But why?

“Er, you alright there?” Eunseok asks, feeling a little bad that Wonbin feels nervous around him, someone who is supposedly his boyfriend.

Not even supposedly, he is his boyfriend.

“Yeah. Just,” Wonbin says, glancing at Eunseok, only to divert his attention back to the keys as soon as Eunseok meets his gaze. “There, finally.”

Wonbin pushes open the door and gestures for Eunseok to enter.

Eunseok walks in, his eyes starts sweeping  the insides of their apartment. Spacious with a decent size open-concept kitchen but cozy enough to feel like home. It is quite clear that they were going for a minimalistic concept - clean walls with only one or two photo frames on it.

Now, Eunseok really wants to know what they are both working as. When Eunseok first saw their apartment complex, he noticed that it seemed to lean more towards the high-end ones. They even had their own security.

“Our room is the last one at the end,” Wonbin says, pointing a thumb towards the said room.

“We share a room together?” A slight frown on Eunseok’s face and he swears that if his face showed any indication that he is weirded out by the thought of it, it wasn’t intentional.

Of fucking course they would share a room together. They are boyfriends.

“Yes, we do,” Wonbin mumbles. “I mean we are boyfriends.”

“And a bed too?” Eunseok wishes he would just stop talking. He is only making the already awkward situation worse.

“If you aren’t comfortable with it, I can always sleep in the spare room,” Wonbin suggests, but his eyes tell a different story. 

Learn to love him again.

“No!” Eunseok strongly protests and Wonbin’s eyes widen at it. “You did say we are boyfriends. So, it’s fine. We can share.”

Eunseok backtracks and says, “No, wait. We should share.”

Wonbin gives him the most pleasant smile and Eunseok thinks this is the first time he has seen that smile being directed towards him. Or maybe it is not the first time for pre-accident Eunseok but for post-accident Eunseok, it sure made his heart flutter the tiniest bit.

“Anyway, we can always put pillows in between us or something. I’m not really a cuddler.” Eunseok laughs.

“That’s funny because between the both of us, you were the cuddler,” Wonbin replies softly, the smile wiped off his face.

“Maybe before. But right now, I’m definitely not a cuddler.”

“Okay, I understand. We don’t have to put pillows though, it might make you feel uncomfortable especially since you aren’t fully recovered.”

“I think not putting any pillows between us would make me feel more uncomfortable,” Eunseok says, laughing as if he just made a joke, except he didn’t.

Damn it, Eunseok .

“Oh.”

“Wait, no- I mean- I’m just still getting used to this. Shit, I’m sorry.” Eunseok rubs his forehead, already feeling the beginning of a pounding headache.

Wonbin lets out a short laugh, one Eunseok knows is fake from the way it sounds strained to his ears. “Don’t worry about it. You should rest.”

With that, Eunseok watches Wonbin walk away to the kitchen, standing by the kitchen sink. His palms on either side of the sink, hunched over. And if he looks close enough, he can see the way Wonbin’s small frame shakes.

His head feels heavy but now his heart feels the same way too.

Eunseok sighs. He does not know if it is just guilt he is feeling or is there more to it.

***

When Eunseok wakes up - he knocked out the moment he took his medications - he noticed the bolster in the middle and Wonbin nowhere to be seen.

Guilt still eating inside him, Eunseok heads to the kitchen when he finally washes up.

The aroma of freshly made pancakes wafts through the air and Eunseok realises that he is actually really hungry. In the kitchen, he sees Wonbin drizzling syrup over a stack of pancakes, humming to himself. Eunseok’s stomach growls at that.

“Oh fuc-“ Wonbin jumps a little, a hand to his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Eunseok says, rubbing his nape, a little embarrassed and a lot apologetic.

“You’re awake,” Wonbin simply says, a gentle smile on his face.

“Yeah. What time is it?” Eunseok asks, walking towards the island.

“Almost 11. Sorry I didn’t wake you up. I just thought you needed all the rest,” Wonbin mumbles, going back to preparing his pancakes.

He adds some butter on the stack of pancakes and pours a cup of coffee in a mug, before placing it in front of Eunseok.

“Here, for you,” Wonbin says, an expectant look on his face.

Damn, maybe dating really isn’t so bad.

“Does this happen often?” Eunseok asks, picking up his fork and knife, absolutely ready to dig in with how mouth-watering the pancakes look.

“Erm, not really,” Wonbin answers sheepishly. “It’s just an occasional thing.”

“Ah,” Eunseok nods his head. “Well, thanks for this.”

Eunseok’s starts digging in but then realises that Wonbin is only watching him and not joining him. He asks, “Aren’t you eating? It’s really good, by the way.”

“Really?” Wonbin asks, surprised.

“Yeah! You want to try?” Eunseok offers.

Wonbin nods his head and goes to Eunseok. With his mouth open, Eunseok thinks Wonbin is expecting him to feed him but-

“Here,” Eunseok says, passing the fork and knife to Wonbin.

At that, Wonbin immediately shuts his mouth. His face colors a bright shade of red and he blinks his eyes, as though - oh shit, is he going to cry?

“I- I’m sorry. I just thought you’d be more comfortable if you-“ Eunseok stammers, trying to apologize.

“It’s fine!” Wonbin abruptly cuts him off, not making any eye-contact with him. “Hmm, not bad. Finally, I got the recipe right.”

“What do you mean ‘finally’?”

“I’ve been trying to find the perfect recipe for home-made pancakes and previously, you’d always be my food critic,” Wonbin says softly, a small smile on his face as he probably reminisces the past.

When Eunseok’s heart clenches a little, he doesn’t understand why. Wonbin is talking about him but it feels like he is talking about someone else. Moments like this, Eunseok wishes he remembered the memories of the last ten years.

Even Eunseok can tell that Wonbin loves pre-accident Eunseok.

No, scratch that, Wonbin loves him.

Not past Eunseok, not future Eunseok, but him - Song Eunseok.

Eunseok wonders now though if he even deserves that love.

***

“What do we usually do on Saturdays?” Eunseok asks, actually curious about how their routine is like.

At that question, Wonbin’s cheeks turn a pretty pink. Eunseok raises a brow, an amused smile on his face.

“Wait, why are you blushing?” Eunseok chuckles, wincing a little when his ribs hurt.

Even the smallest movements causes his ribs to scream. He should really take his painkillers soon, though Eunseok tries not to rely too much on them.

Wonbin, dare Eunseok say, looks really pretty right now with his cheeks colored with a natural blush.

Eunseok may not know what it is like to love Wonbin but he will never deny the fact that Wonbin is a beautiful man. Like a doll.

“Well, we actually just stay in bed the whole day,” Wonbin mutters, purposely not looking at Eunseok, sipping on his cup of coffee.

Eunseok licks at the corner of his mouth, where the wound caused by the accident has dried. He hums.

“So, like we cuddle? Since you did say I was- No, I am a cuddler.”

“Erm,” Wonbin clears his throat, scratching the tip of his nose. “Yeah, sort of.”

That makes sense. A lazy Saturday after a long grueling week.

“And more.”

Oh.

Now Eunseok gets what Wonbin meant. Before he knows it, Eunseok feels heat spread throughout his chest and into the roots of his hair.

Honestly, Eunseok does not know why he is acting like a teenage boy, suddenly so embarrassed by the idea of sex.

It is just sex. People do it all the time.

But the thought of him having sex with Wonbin. Of all people, Park Wonbin.

Eunseok gulps.

Now, he wonders what it-

No, stop it. Do not even go there, Song Eunseok. You do not have the right to be imagining as such.

But, Wonbin is Eunseok’s boyfriend.

Eunseok swears his head is about to explode with the way his mind is playing back and forth with him like the devil and angel.

Pushing all his thoughts to the back of his head, he suddenly stands up, picking up his empty plate and utensils.

Clearing his throat, he says, “Thank you for the lovely breakfast.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I do it because I want to,” Wonbin assures him, a pretty smile plastered on his face.

Eunseok nods at that and goes to the kitchen sink to do the washing.

As he does so, he realises that Wonbin never smiles with his teeth. At least, as far as he can remember.

He wonders, did pre-accident Eunseok ever got the chance to see Wonbin smile so wide, his teeth shows that it blinds him because Wonbin probably looks just as pretty if not more?

***

“If you need anything, my number is on the fridge,” Wonbin says as he wears his socks and eventually puts on shoes.

“Okay,” Eunseok nods his head.

The weekend flew by fast with Eunseok resting and sleeping most of the time while Wonbin busies himself with work.

It is still awkward between them with the way they tiptoe around each other. Eunseok is still trying to grasp the fact that they are living together, not just as housemates but actually dating.

He also found out that Wonbin is actually a school teacher at some prestigious school. So he gets paid well.

When Wonbin finally stands up, he says again, “I mean it, if you need anything, anything at all-“

“Yes, I get it,” Eunseok cuts him off, slightly irritated because he hates that Wonbin seem to treat him like some child.

“Sorry, I’m just,” Wonbin sighs and shakes his head. “Never mind.”

Calm down, Eunseok. He is just worried about you.

“Go,” Eunseok says, an assuring smile on his face which he hopes will at least simmer down Wonbin’s worried heart.

Wonbin nods his head, turning around as ready to leave but then he turns back around. Biting his lower lip, he looks at Eunseok as through he wants to say something.

Raising his brows, Eunseok asks, “Is something wrong? Did you forget something?”

Even though he looks a little hesitant, Wonbin eventually says, “It’s just that, you’d always kiss me goodbye.”

Eunseok lets out an “Ah” at that and without realizing, he moves one step back.

Clearly, Wonbin notices it because he scoffs and goes, “Calm down. I wasn’t asking for it.”

“S-sorry, I’m just-“ Eunseok stammers, gripping his mug a little too tightly.

“Just not comfortable. I get it.” If Eunseok hears properly, he would be able to notice the annoyance laced in Wonbin’s voice.

Wonbin shakes his head a little before giving Eunseok a small smile and settling for a wave instead.

Eunseok does not know why he speaks again but he says, “Don’t worry about me. I’ll still be here even when you’re back.”

***

Almost midnight. A burst of light. Come back safe, someone says. More lights. Driving. Need to get milk, bread, maybe some cereal. Did he forget anything else? The burst of lights continue. Road is empty.

The burst of lights come in rapid motion now.

Hey, stop driving. It’s the red light, idio-

No, no, no!

Eunseok gasps, jolting awake. His chest pounding, his body trembling. Those flashing lights again. This time accompanied by a ringing sound. He tries to slow down his breathing by taking slow, deep breaths.

With shaky hands, he wipes his face, only realizing then that he is sweating. His mind on overdrive.

Was that a memory?

Or was it all just a dream?

While waiting for Wonbin to come back, Eunseok took a warm bath. The way his body felt sticky all over from the sweat after the bad dream makes him feel uncomfortable.

He then took out the first aid kit to change the bandages on his wounds. It is a struggle because this time Wonbin isn’t here to help but Eunseok makes do with what he can.

Once that is all done, he sighs. He still has some time left before Wonbin comes back. Not wanting to watch any television or Netflix, Eunseok decides to explore their apartment.

After his discharge from the hospital, Eunseok never really got to look through the whole house properly. He was too busy trying to adjust to the idea of living with Wonbin and aside from that, all he ever did was sleep and take naps throughout the day with how strong the medications are.

He hums to himself, wondering if he can find anything interesting. Eunseok thinks that starting in their bedroom would be best.

As there are not much furniture in their bedroom, just one drawer and a walk-in wardrobe, Eunseok starts with the drawer first.

The first drawer didn’t really bring about anything that perks his interest, just cosmetic items like colognes and accessories that clearly belong to Wonbin like rings, necklaces and bracelets.

The second drawer is even more boring. There was a lot of documents and honestly, Eunseok thinks they are Wonbin’s work-related documents. Eunseok immediately closes that one.

The third and last drawer is when he notices photo albums neatly stacked. But he is not interested in those. What catches his attention is the few polaroids that looked like they were chucked inside.

It’s weird because Eunseok feels bittersweet as he looks at the polaroids one by one. The heavy feeling in his chest is back too.

Would it even make sense to feel envious of a relationship that he is actually a part of?

But Eunseok thinks it is possible when that part of his life is one he doesn’t have any recollection of.

He noticed blue tacks at the back of the polaroids, which only means that they were previously pasted on the wall before it got removed.

Funny, Eunseok doesn’t think he saw any polaroids on the walls when he first arrived at the apartment after his discharge.

He begins to wonder if Wonbin removed them off the wall after knowing Eunseok lost his memory.

Why?

Is he afraid Eunseok wouldn’t like it?

With the way Eunseok has been acting, he isn’t surprised that Wonbin would think so.

He grimaces at the thought, feeling bad that Wonbin has to go to that extent.

As he continues to look at the polaroids, it seems that they have come so far as a couple. Some of the polaroids look old and even have turned a little yellow.

Seems like it was a really serious relationship.

Like the kind they will get married in the future.

They have been dating for almost a decade afterall.

At that thought, Eunseok’s heart drops because what if he still can’t recollect his memories. What if he still can’t fall in love with Wonbin? He wouldn’t want to hurt Wonbin like that.

Eunseok does not want Wonbin to feel like he has to stay in a relationship - if what they have now is still even considered a relationship - because he thinks post-accident Eunseok is pre-accident Eunseok.

They are not.

Maybe he should-

“What are you doing?”

At the sound of Wonbin’s voice, Eunseok immediately chucks the polaroids back inside the drawer, except for one which he slips inside the pocket of his sweatpants.

“N-nothing,” Eunseok mutters, hating that he is feeling guilty for snooping around.

This is his room too, for fuck’s sake. He is not snooping around and he doesn’t have to feel guilty about it.

“Uh, when did you get back?” Eunseok asks, scratching his chin while walking around Wonbin to head back out to the kitchen.

He doesn’t miss the way Wonbin raises a brow but he chooses to ignore it.

“Not too long ago,” Wonbin replies, his arms wrapped around himself. “I called out for you but you didn’t answer. Thought you were sleeping but turns out you are here.”

“Yeah, didn’t feel like taking a nap again for fear I’ll have a repeat of that bad dream,” Eunseok shrugs, suddenly feeling thirsty.

Grabbing a glass, he pours himself water and even offers Wonbin in which he politely declines.

“That dream,” Wonbin finally begins after a few minutes of silence. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” Eunseok simply says.

“Eunseok,” Wonbin sighs. “Maybe talking it out will make you feel better.”

When Eunseok keeps silence, he continues, “Because let’s be honest, it wasn’t a bad dream but actually a part of your memory.”

“Well.” Eunseok decides there is no point keeping it to himself. They are a couple after all.

“I didn’t exactly see a whole scene,” Eunseok says but it sounds more like a question. “Like they were different cuts of a whole scene, just flashing by.”

Wonbin nods his head, an assuring smile on his face – as if giving Eunseok encouragement, telling him that he is doing great.

“It started out with the clock, exactly like the one in our living room, showing ten minutes to twelve. Then I hear a voice - I couldn’t tell who because there was a ringing sound throughout the dream - telling me to come back safe.”

Wonbin’s smile drops. “That voice, it was most probably mine.”

Eunseok gulps, thinking that maybe this really is a part of his memory.

“After that, there was a scene of me driving in a car and just thinking to myself of the groceries I needed to buy. I had to stop at a red light but the road was empty.”

Eunseok’s stomach starts to feel queasy the moment it reaches this part. His palms starts getting sweaty and his hands trembles.

“Then I see a car from the opposite direction, not stopping,” Eunseok chokes out, he suddenly feels he can’t breathe.

The wave of nausea hit him so fast, he thinks he is going to vomit anytime soon. He can see Wonbin giving him a worried look and before he knows it, Eunseok is bending over the kitchen sink, puking out the contents of his stomach.

***

Wonbin’s heart clenches at the sight of Eunseok puking his guts out.

He knows that it must have been hard for the taller man to have to recall back memories of the crash.

Gently, he rubs Eunseok’s back, wanting Eunseok to know that he is always here for him.

“I’m fine,” Eunseok croaks out, only for him to puke somemore.

“Yeah, I’m sure you are,” Wonbin replies sarcastically, sighing as his hand continues rubbing Eunseok’s back.

Once Eunseok is done, he rinses his mouth a few times and tells Wonbin that he is going to brush his teeth. Wonbin just nods at that and waits for Eunseok in their living room.

While waiting, Wonbin thinks about how he saw Eunseok in their room earlier looking through their drawer. He knows Eunseok saw the polaroids and he wonders what thoughts were running through his head as he looked through them.

Things haven’t been easy for both Eunseok and Wonbin – Eunseok still finding it hard to believe that they are dating and Wonbin trying to be as understanding as possible with regards to Eunseok’s actions.

He knows that now Eunseok sometimes does things that can be hurtful but he keeps reminding himself that post-accident Eunseok is having a hard time.

Having to lose one’s memory must be such a terrible feeling. Imagine ten years’ worth of memory wiped out of one’s head.

Wonbin couldn’t.

He knows it will take awhile before things can go back to normal. Occasionally, Wonbin does see glimpses of pre-accident Eunseok and hope starts building up inside him. But then Eunseok will do something the next time and all hope diminishes.

“Sorry about earlier,” Eunseok breaks Wonbin’s train of thoughts.

“It’s okay,” Wonbin replies.

“It’s just that each time I remember about that part of the crash, I feel like I can smell the fuel, the charred tyre, and-” Eunseok’s breath hitches. “The smell of blood.”

Wonbin releases a shaky breath, not being able to imagine what it’s like being in Eunseok’s shoes. It must feel absolutely horrible, he would think.

“Fuck, I feel like I might puke again,” Eunseok mumbles, running a hand down his face.

“Hey,” Wonbin says and Eunseok looks up, his eyes tired. “Let’s not talk about this anymore, alright. At least not now. I’m sorry I probed you earlier- I just thought it would help.”

“I get it. I, too, thought that it would help but I think I’m just going to not even think about it for now.”

Seeing the look of grimace on Eunseok’s face, Wonbin can’t stop the small smile that makes it’s way on his lips.

He internal sighs. Wonbin really does love this man right before him.

“Other than the crash, did you-“ Wonbin hesitates a bit but then asks, hopeful. “Did you remember anything else?”

Please say yes, Wonbin thinks. Even just a little bit.

“No.”

And that one answer is enough to water away the small flame of hope inside of him.

“Oh, alright,” Wonbin says, trying to be understanding and rearranging his expression so that it doesn’t show a look of disappointment.

With the way Eunseok is looking at him, like he feels guilty, Wonbin thinks his expression shows otherwise.

“Erm,” Wonbin begins standing up from the couch, ready to head to their bedroom. “I think I am going to wash up and then I’ll start with dinner.”

“You can rest first,” Wonbin continues.

“Sure,” Eunseok says, his voice small.

As Wonbin turns, he hears Eunseok call for him. He doesn’t turn and closes his eyes.

Please don’t say it. Please don’t say it.

From behind him, Eunseok says -

“I’m sorry.”

At that, Wonbin lets out a shaky breath, a tear rolling down his cheek.

***

Eunseok sighs as he lay in bed, holding onto the polaroid he managed to keep. When he kept the polaroid earlier, he didn’t know which one it was. It turned out to be the one of his birthday.

Outside, he hears the sound of the radio playing softly as Wonbin prepares dinner. Eunseok offered to help but Wonbin insisted that he rests, saying how he still hasn’t fully healed yet. All Eunseok can do is nod and off to the bedroom he goes.

Examining the polaroid, Eunseok wonders which birthday this was. Was it his most recent birthday? Or was it from a few years back? Judging from how new the polaroid looks, he thinks it is either from this year or last year.

Why is he trying so hard to remember?

Just a few days ago, he was absolutely weirded out by the idea of dating Wonbin.

Maybe ‘weirded out’ is not the best phrase to describe his feeling because it is not that he is disgusted by the idea. But in Eunseok’s memory, Wonbin has always been someone out of his reach. Perfect guy, they would always call him. Him and Wonbin were at most only acquaintances with each other because they know each other through mutual friends.

Eunseok rubs at his eyes, remembering what happened earlier.

The way Wonbin’s eyes looked so sad, downcast. Eunseok can’t seem to shake it off his head, the expression imprinted against his eyelids.

Trying to place himself in Wonbin’s shoes, he imagines having to wake up to a call about how his boyfriend - the love of his life - of almost a decade had been in a terrible traffic accident. That alone is enough to make one’s heart shatter and then to add on, as soon as he arrives at the hospital, he receive news that there is high chance of his boyfriend losing his memory.

An absolute nightmare.

Eunseok doesn’t want to think that it is pity he is feeling but rather he wants to try. Maybe when he tries, something inside him will be awakened and then all the memories will come back.

Maybe.

But he won’t know unless he tries and Eunseok is not one to give up. So he will.

Slowly, Eunseok eyes grow heavier and heavier. He tries blinking the sleep away but before he knows it, his eyes fall shut.

“You’re acting really weird right now, baby,” Eunseok said with narrowed eyes.

Walking beside him along the hallway to their apartment, Wonbin just laughed. His cute bunny teeth is showing and Eunseok ’s heart flutters like a thousand butterflies.

He always loved it when Wonbin laughs so freely around him. It is the one side of him other people do not usually get to see but Eunseok gets the privilege.

“You’re so beautiful,” Eunseok blurts out, having suddenly stopped walking.

Wonbin too stops laughing then and his eyes widen at Eunseok ’s sudden compliment. He knows this is not something new to them but Wonbin always reacts the same. Like he is not used to it. Like he doesn’t know how beautiful he really is.

His eyes softening, Wonbin smiles shyly at Eunseok , “No, you are.”

Eunseok knows that they are literally in the middle of the hallway to their apartment unit but he really just wants to -

“Come here,” Eunseok whispers, pulling Wonbin to him.

Their bodies pressed up against each other, Eunseok tightens an arm around Wonbin’s small waist. Wonbin’s arms goes to hang themselves around Eunseok ’s neck.

Cupping Wonbin’s cheek with his other free hand, Eunseok leans forward. His eyes flutter shut as he presses his lips against Wonbin’s.

Eunseok pulls back slightly to whisper an ‘I love you’ against Wonbin’s lips before Wonbin pulls him back down for another short, sweet kiss.

“Okay, that’s enough. For now,” Wonbin says, pushing Eunseok away gently. “We are late.”

Eunseok frowns, and he knows he has a pout on his face because Wonbin cut short their intimate moment. “Late for?”

Wonbin doesn’t answer and pulls his arm to continue their journey back to their apartment unit. While he is confused about what is happening, Eunseok just follows along.

Because it is Wonbin he is following and he fully trusts Wonbin always.

They finally reach their apartment unit which is the last unit at the end of the hallway. When Wonbin opens the door, he lets Eunseok enter first.

Eunseok raises a brow at Wonbin but all he gets is a tiny smirk.

“Surprise!”

The lights in their apartment is suddenly switched on and standing in the living room is their little group of friends. From Sungchan and Chanyoung, his boyfriend, to Seunghan and Shotaro.

“Wh-what? What is going on?” Eunseok asks, his mind blank.

“It’s your birthday!” Wonbin shouts from behind him. “Honestly, I can’t believe you forgot about it but it’s fine because it worked well with the surprise we planned for you.”

“Oh my God,” Eunseok mumbles.

Before he knows it, Shotaro is right before him with his birthday cake. Only one candle on it and Eunseok is absolutely fine by it because he honestly doesn’t need to be reminded of the fact that he is a year older.

“Thank you, guys. I- I really don’t know what to say. I think I’m still surprised by all this,” Eunseok laughs, scratching the back of his neck. “Man, I am really getting older.”

Wonbin snorts from beside him. “We will all grow older, slowly lose our memory and then eventually die.”

“But I’d never forget you,” Eunseok replies cheekily, sending Wonbin a playful wink.

Wonbin only chuckles and shakes his head. Eunseok knows that Wonbin probably thinks he is being his usual playful self but he actually means it.

Next thing he knows, the others make him wear a sash and a headband. He probably looks silly but the way Wonbin is smiling at him with the look of adoration he always gives him, Eunseok doesn’t mind.

“Make a wish,” Wonbin says excitedly from beside him.

Eunseok laughs at how child-like Wonbin looked then. Putting his hands together, he closes his eyes and makes a wish to himself.

“Thank you for bringing Park Wonbin into my life.  Please don’t ever make him disappear from my life.”

“Eunseok.”

He hears someone calling for him.

“It’s time to wake up for dinner.”

Immediately, Eunseok’s eyes snap open. The first thing he sees is Wonbin’s face. Blinking slowly, Eunseok’s hand goes to rub along his lips as if he can feel the soft plush lips of Wonbin’s on his, Wonbin’s smaller body pressed against his, the feeling of surprise from that night.

It felt real. As though it actually happened.

“You alright?” Wonbin asks worriedly.

Those eyes that appeared so bright and sparkly in his dream, now seem so sad and lifeless. Eunseok’s chest tightens and his heart aches.

“Y-yeah,” Eunseok mumbles. “I’ll be right out.”

Wonbin eyes Eunseok one last time, before nodding his head and leaving their bedroom.

Eunseok lets out a long shaky breath, his hands gripping onto the bedsheet.

Please don’t ever make him disappear from my life.

***

eunseok [3:01pm]

sungchan

sungchan [3:01pm]

did something happen???

eunseok [3:02pm]

listen… you need to calm down

sungchan [3:02pm]

not after what happened

eunseok [3:05pm]

i am fine. don’t worry about me. but

sungchan [3:15pm]

you leave me hanging and expect me to not worry?

eunseok [3:16pm]

sorry.. was busy with something but anyway, i think my memories are slowly coming back

sungchan [3:17pm]

holy….

eunseok [3:17pm]

yeah… i honestly thought they were dreams at first but i don’t think so. they felt real. too real

sungchan [3:18pm]

so.. have you realise how much you love wonbin?

eunseok [3:20pm]

i mean, i definitely could tell it through my dreams. or should I say memories…? but i don’t think i personal have felt it yet…?

sungchan [3:20pm]

or maybe you’re just in denial

eunseok [3:21pm]

what’s your point?

sungchan [3:22pm]

have you ever thought that maybe you already do know that you love him but you aren’t accepting it for some reason

eunseok [3:23pm]

god this is giving me a headache

sungchan [3:24pm]

hey… take it easy

eunseok [3:24pm]

why can’t my memories just come back already. this is so frustrating

sungchan [3:25pm]

you lost 10 years’ worth of memories.. it’s understandable. i’m sorry if sometimes it feels like we are pressuring you

sungchan [3:40pm]

eunseok?

eunseok [3:40pm]

i think i’m gonna start actually trying

sungchan [3:41pm]

try?

eunseok [3:41pm]

i don’t know.. just try to put in more effort. to get to know him again. take initiatives and do more activities with him

sungchan [3:42pm]

oh wow.. that’s great seok-ah

eunseok [3:45pm]

wish me luck

sungchan [3:46pm]

you will be fine.. wonbin loves you very much. he’d be happy to see you taking these steps forward

“Hey,” Wonbin asks from across him, having slipped his bookmark in between the pages of the book he was reading.

Eunseok looks up from his phone. “Yes?”

“Do you-“ Wonbin pauses, his index finger drawing empty circles on the cover of his book. “Do you want to go out somewhere today?”

Go out? Like, a date?

Eunseok opens his mouth before shutting it again.

“It- It’s fine if you don’t want!” Wonbin says quickly, stammering. “I j-just thought we could go out today instead of staying in.”

That heaviness in his chest is back. The way Wonbin is so quick to think that Eunseok wouldn’t like the idea.

Somehow, it leaves a bitter taste in his tongue.

But can he really blame Wonbin?

“Sure,” Eunseok replies, a smile making it’s way to his lips.

He needs Wonbin to understand that slowly but steadily, he is trying.

***

“Any suggestions of where you want to go?” Wonbin asks as he takes off his t-shirt to change into more appropriate clothing.

After Eunseok agreed, they both head to their bedroom to change.

Eunseok watches Wonbin’s back. Despite him being smaller than Eunseok, his shoulders are broad and it makes Eunseok want to wrap his arms around them.

Something stirs inside of him as he watches Wonbin move back and forth, deciding what to wear.

His back looks really inviting.

Eunseok wonders what it feels like to run his fingers down the slope of his spine, to press kisses on his smooth skin, to-

“Eunseok?” Wonbin turns, eyes wide and brows raised.

Eunseok whips back around, feeling heat rise from his chest to his neck. He takes off his shirt too, internally chastising himself for ogling Wonbin so openly . “I- I-“

Whoa, where did all that come from?

“Eunseok, it’s fine,” Wonbin says from behind him, albeit timidly. “You don’t have to feel embarrassed by it.”

“No, no. I-” Eunseok begins protesting.

“In fact, I like it.”

Thump, goes his heart.

Well then.

Still feeling embarrassed and not knowing how to respond to that, Eunseok clears his throat and continues deciding on what to wear. He finally settles on a white jacket to wear over a red t-shirt.

“Anyway, I think maybe we can go to the frozen yogurt place you like,” Eunseok says casually.

He doesn’t really know why he suggested that place but somehow that came to him on automatic.

When Eunseok turns around after putting on his clothes, he sees Wonbin looking at him with a small frown on his faces

“How... did you know?”

“Know what?” Eunseok asks back, confused.

“That I prefer frozen yogurt over ice-cream,” Wonbin quietly says, and his eyes show a glimmer of hope.

Eunseok scratches the back of his head. “Did I?”

“Oh.” Wonbin lets out a dejected sigh. “I thought you remembered.”

“It was somehow the right thing to say,” Eunseok replies, his voice small.

“I’m-“ He is about to apologize again.

“Don’t say it please,” Wonbin cuts him off, his voice sharp. “Just- don’t.”

Eunseok suddenly feels small and his eyes start prickling. He feels stupid because why the fuck does he feel like crying?

He is frustrated because it feels like no matter what he does, it’s only ever going to hurt Wonbin.

And Eunseok has come to learn that he doesn’t like that.

“I’m sorry,” Wonbin apologizes, a look of regret on his face. “That was harsh of me.”

Eunseok swallows back down the tears stuck in his throat.

“It’s fine,” Eunseok croaks out and he winces. Now Wonbin will know that he is being a baby.

Not daring to look up, Eunseok looks down. He hears the sound of feet moving towards him and a hand reaches out to give his a gentle squeeze.

“Sorry again. I’ll wait outside for you.” 

***

“Your favourite,” Wonbin says, passing Eunseok a cone with frozen yogurt and fruits on it.

Frozen yogurt on a cone. That is something new to him.

Eunseok gives it a try, letting the dessert melt on his tongue as he taste the sweet and sour flavour of the yogurt.

“Mmm!” Eunseok exclaims in delight.

Wonbin beams at his reaction, a smile lighting up his whole face.

“You like it, right?” Wonbin asks, a little too excited.

Wonbin then says, offhandedly, chuckling. “At least that hasn’t changed.”

Because everything else about you has.

The implied meaning of Wonbin’s jab.

Eunseok knows that Wonbin isn’t being serious or trying to be mean by that but somehow Eunseok feels a little hurt by it.

He chooses to push it aside, thinking he probably deserves it anyway. Maybe this is what Wonbin felt previously when Eunseok unintentionally said those insensitive remarks.

Deciding to change the subject, Eunseok asks curiously, “What flavour is this?”

“It’s grape-flavoured and then we just add fruits on top. Your other favourite is the vanilla one. You might think it’s basic but...”

Wonbin’s voice becomes background noise - like a buzz - as Eunseok starts zoning out, noticing the smudge of frozen yogurt at the corner of Wonbin’s mouth.

It is distracting.

Before he can process any further, Eunseok leans forward and cups Wonbin’s cheeks. His thumb slowly caresses the apple of Wonbin’s cheek.

Wonbin stills and it only gives Eunseok the chance to lean in further until he can feel the warm breath from between Wonbin’s lips against his.

“What are you doing?” Wonbin whispers, voice right.

Eunseok answers by grazing his lips at the corner of Wonbin’s lips where the smudge was - his tongue coming out a bit, just enough to lick the frozen yogurt away.

He moves slightly so that his lips are right before Wonbin’s. The next thing Eunseok knows, his mouth is fitting over Wonbin’s as he captures the smaller man’s mouth in a deep, lip-crushing kiss.

“Earth to Eunseok,” Wonbin says, waving his hand in front of Eunseok’s face.

Eunseok snaps out of his daze, his mouth dry and his heart racing. His eyes shifts to look at Wonbin’s lips.

The smudge of frozen yogurt still at the corner of Wonbin’s mouth.

Fuck. Did he really just-?

Eunseok swallows hard.

“Erm, you got a little something over there,” Eunseok tells Wonbin, gesturing to his lips.

“Oh!” Wonbin quickly understanding what Eunseok meant, he laughs lightly, using the back of his hand to wipe it away.

His heart is still thrumming at what happened earlier and by the end of their “date”, Eunseok is certain of two things:

1. Wonbin is so goddamn beautiful it should be prohibited.
2. Eunseok is fucked and that maybe, Sungchan was right.

Chapter Text

Ever since Wonbin invited Eunseok out the other day, Eunseok has been acting weird.

If he thought the situation was worse before because Eunseok doesn’t remember the fact that they are dating, it was nothing compared to now.

Eunseok thinks he is being subtle about it but Wonbin knows, he avoids having any form of conversation with him.

Sometimes, though, he catches Eunseok. Staring at him. A look of wonder on his face, like he is figuring Wonbin out.

Which only makes Wonbin even more confused.

What did Wonbin do?

Is it really that bad to be in a relationship with him?

Does Eunseok hate him so much that now he doesn’t even bother with niceties anymore and straights up ignore his entire existence?

Eunseok probably doesn’t know but sometimes, Wonbin locks himself up in the bathroom and cries quietly to himself.

He tries, he really does, to stay strong all the time. But at the end of the day there is so much he can deal with.

Every morning when he wakes up, he prays that the love of his life will regain his memories.

But every night, Wonbin knows, he is just going to end up being disappointed.

It is unfair of him to think so because none of it is Eunseok’s fault. But sometimes, just sometimes only, Wonbin misses Eunseok. His Eunseok.

His Eunseok who smiles at him like he’d pluck stars for Wonbin.

His Eunseok who would kiss him goodbye before he heads to work.

His Eunseok who never fails to give him words of encouragement when he needs it most.

And then he would feel guilty for feeling that way because there should not be such a thing as His Eunseok. The current Eunseok is also His Eunseok.

There were so many ‘what ifs’ for him.

What if Eunseok really won’t remember the past and how their relationship was like previously?

Wonbin and Eunseok had plans. Things they wanted to do together in the future.

But since the accident, Wonbin realises that no matter how much you plan, it won’t matter. In a blink of an eye, your plans can get destroyed.

Wonbin does wonder. If he had followed Eunseok that night. If he hadn’t decided to carry out his plans that night.

Things probably would have been different now.

***

“How the fuck did I handle being attracted to Wonbin?” Eunseok asks himself, his voice soft but there is a tinge of frustration.

Eunseok doesn’t know how many times he ran his fingers through his hair the last half an hour but Eunseok knows that it is enough to make his hair appear like a bird’s nest.

He thinks that his past self probably handled it much better if Eunseok ending up being with Wonbin for a long time is any proof.

The way he has been behaving the last week or so would have past Eunseok shake his head at him in disappointment.

It isn’t even like he had the sudden realization that he is in love with Wonbin.

Eunseok is just fucking attracted to Wonbin is all.

No biggie!

So why the fuck then have you been treating Wonbin like shit, you dumbass?

Eunseok yells at himself internally.

Huffing, he decides he needs to drink a glass of water and clear his mind.

He doesn’t know what Wonbin is doing outside - probably grading papers - but he hasn’t entered their room since dinner.

Eunseok is just going to sneak out to the kitchen, drink a glass of water and sneak right back into their bedroom.

At least that was what he planned to do until he opened the door to their bedroom and hears Wonbin’s voice, hush but clear.

Eunseok is about to poke his head out from behind the wall just a little bit when he hears Wonbin again.

“He hates me,” Wonbin’s voice soft but in the quiet room, it was clear.

Eunseok stops in his track.

Who? It can’t be him, right?

Peeking out slightly, he sees Wonbin talking to someone on the phone. He is sitting at the far end of their couch, his knees drawn to his chest and his chin on his knees.

Wonbin looks so small and vulnerable. Eunseok’s chest tightens at the sight and it makes him want to protect Wonbin at all costs.

Is that what pre-accident Eunseok always felt previously?

He hears sniffling and immediately hides himself back behind the wall, afraid of getting caught.

“You don’t understand,” Wonbin harshly replies to whoever was on the other end of the line.

“He practically avoids me now.” Wonbin voice cracks at the end of the sentence.

Oh. He is referring to me.

Eunseok swallows hard, guilt eating inside of him. He doesn’t hate Wonbin and honestly, he could never.

He thinks he is trying. Then he remembers how he has been avoiding Wonbin the last few days or so as he tries to sort out his own feelings.

It has been roughly only one month since he got into that horrible accident, Eunseok feels it is a given for him to still need time adjusting to having lost ten years’ worth of his memories.

“I’m so scared,” Wonbin says quietly after a moment of silence, his voice thick with emotion.

Eunseok ponders over who Wonbin might be talking to.

“If he can’t ever remember us again, if- if his feelings for me really has faded,” Wonbin pauses, sniffling. “I don’t think I’d be able to handle it, Sion.”

Ah, it’s the Oh guy.

Eunseok tries to ignore the dull ache in his chest. He doesn’t know what it means, but it sure doesn’t feel good.

He pushes aside the feeling, knowing that Wonbin did say they have broken up a long time ago so he doesn’t bother overthinking it.

It is quiet again for awhile and Eunseok thinks Wonbin is probably listening to the other.

“Do you think,” Wonbin begins whispering again. “If that night never happened, what would his answer be?”

Eunseok leans his head against the wall, his hands clenching.

Wonbin sighs, “Honestly, it doesn’t matter anymore. What’s the point pondering over it?”

Pondering over what? Eunseok losing his memory?

“Of course, I still have it!” Wonbin exclaims all of a sudden which surprises Eunseok, a hand over his chest.

The next time Wonbin replies Sion, he speaks quietly again, his voice still clear in the silence of the apartment. “I hid it somewhere. Don’t worry, he won’t find it.”

Eunseok’s ears perk up at that.

What else is Wonbin hiding from him?

That night, Eunseok tosses and turns in bed, trying to find a comfortable position for him to sleep. But all Eunseok manages to do is have Sungchan’s text keep replaying in his head.

Beside him, he feels Wonbin move.

Eunseok stills, hoping he didn’t wake up his partner.

“Eunseokie,” Wonbin mumbles, voice raspy and thick with sleep.

Thump, there goes his heart again.

Eunseokie.

That is the first time he has ever heard Wonbin call him that.

He doesn’t want to admit it but Eunseok likes it.

Is that what Wonbin would usually call him previously?

“I miss you,” Wonbin continues, his voice quiet now.

Eunseok frowns. Why is he saying that?

No, that is not what Eunseok meant because of course Wonbin would miss him. He is not Wonbin’s Eunseok.

The raven-haired man thinks bitterly.

What he meant was how random is it for Wonbin to suddenly confess about how much he misses the taller man.

Of all times, why now?

Before he can process any further, Wonbin has somehow managed to cross over the bolster that was placed in between them.

When Eunseok feels a warm body right beside him, he panics. His hands curling around their comforter, not knowing what to do.

The raven-haired man tilts his head down to see ruffled, black hair. Eunseok won’t lie, Wonbin smells good - sweet even.

Eunseok thought it would end there but when Wonbin starts nuzzling his nose against Eunseok’s shoulder, he tenses.

He takes a peek at Wonbin again, realizing that he actually has his eyes shut right. That is when Eunseok realise that Wonbin is sleep-talking.

Shit.

This is new.

“When did you get back?” Wonbin mumbles, now his arm wrapped around Eunseok’s waist.

Luckily for Eunseok because no one can see the state he is in right now. But he knows, he is probably as red as a tomato with how embarrassed he feels.

“Hmm,” Wonbin hums, placing a soft kiss on Eunseok’s shoulder - oh fuck. “You must be tired. Rest well.”

When Eunseok is sure Wonbin is fully asleep, he releases a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

Eunseok swears he has never felt this nervous and awkward in his entire life.

But the way Wonbin’s body fits perfectly against his like they are both missing puzzle pieces, has Eunseok drifting off to sleep eventually.

”So,” Wonbin asks, his chin on Eunseok ’s bare chest as he traces the raven-haired man’s smooth skin.

Eunseok hums, staring lovingly at Wonbin , a hand going to run it’s fingers through the smaller man’s hair.

“I noticed my lamp outside just now,” Wonbin says, sneaking a peek through his lashes at Eunseok .

Eunseok averts his gaze from Wonbin at that, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden.

“Firstly, how did you even manage sneaking my lamp out of my apartment?” Wonbin asks as serious as possible but he still manages to release a laugh towards the end because of how ridiculous the thought of it was.

Eunseok huffs, still not looking at Wonbin but his hand remains playing with a strand of Wonbin ’s hair.

“I have my ways,” he mumbles.

“Okay,” Wonbin drawls, not bothering to probe.

“Also, that’s the fifth item-” Wonbin shows his hand, “this week that you have brought from my apartment to yours.”

Eunseok takes this opportunity to intertwine his hand with Wonbin ’s. The way their hands fit together has always brought much satisfaction to him. Feels like they are meant for each other.

He brings their hands to his lips, pressing soft kisses on Wonbin ’s slender hands.

“Hey,” Wonbin chastises playfully. “Don’t distract me.”

“I’m not,” Eunseok simply says, meeting Wonbin ’s gaze. “You’re the one distracting me with how beauti-“

He is cut off when Wonbin leans forward to press his lips on Eunseok ’s, the kiss deepening as Wonbin tilts his head slightly.

When they pull apart, Eunseok asks, his lips brushing against Wonbin ’s, “Move in with me.”

Wonbin fulls on laughs at his face and Eunseok is confused. He can’t help the pout making it’s way to his face because how dare he laugh at me when I just asked a serious question?

“Why are you laughing?” Eunseok whines, his face turned away from Wonbin ’s.

But then Wonbin nudges his chin so that he is facing his boyfriend again. “It’s because I’ve been waiting for you to ask me. I know what you were trying to do with the way you sneaked my items into your apartment.”

“Was I that obvious?” Eunseok asks, rubbing at his nape.

“You aren’t exactly very subtle,” Wonbin snorts, wearing a smug smile on his face and Eunseok wants to just kiss it off. “And I just can read you really well.”

Eunseok chooses to ignore Wonbin ’s statement because he knows it is the truth. His boyfriend really does know him the best.

“So, you haven’t answered,” Eunseok replies, back to tracing on Wonbin ’s arm.

The smile Wonbin gives him gleams brighter than the sun and that sends Eunseok ’s heart fluttering. 

“Yes, of fucking course.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Eunseok stirs awake to the sound of someone cursing from beside him. It is too damn early to be awake, Eunseok thinks.

Eyes still shut tight, he stifles a yawn while stretching his arm before proceeding to wrap an arm around-

Wait.

That feels way too warm to be a bolster.

He opens one eye to see Wonbin looking at him with sad eyes.

Suddenly, the events from last night rushes to his mind and he immediately sits up straight, his head feeling a little dizzy from the sudden movement.

“Did something happen last night?” Wonbin asks meekly.

“No,” Eunseok vehemently denies, wanting to assure Wonbin that nothing happened.

And if anything did happen, Eunseok would only let it happen with Wonbin’s consent.

“Then why did I wake up with your arms wrapped around me?” Wonbin questions, his arm crossed around his chest. 

He continues to ask, a little nervously, “Can you finally... remember?”

“I-“ Eunseok wants to deny and then when he sees Wonbin’s hopeful face, he instead replies, “You were sleep-talking. Then it happened.”

“What happened?” The smaller man’s asks, voice hushed.

“You just started wrapping your arms around me and then kissed-“ Wonbin stiffens at the mention of a kiss. “My shoulder.”

Eunseok can see Wonbin visibly relax and somehow that sends a niggling feeling in the pit of his stomach. Does he not want to kiss me?

Hold on, Eunseok. What are you thinking?

“Then why didn’t you just wake me up?” Wonbin sighs, seemingly frustrated that they woke up in such a situation.

Eunseok doesn’t understand why is he unhappy about it. Shouldn’t Wonbin be happy? That they are finally “acting like a couple”? If that even makes sense.

“Because you were asleep. I didn’t want to bother you,” the raven-haired man casually says.

“Are you sure it’s only because of that?” Wonbin asks, a pointed gaze on Eunseok.

“What do you mean?” Eunseok asks exasperatedly. “Anyway, shouldn’t you be happy? Isn’t this what you’ve been wanting?”

Wonbin inhales sharply at that.

“What? You’re unhappy now because apparently, I’m not your Eunseok? Is that it?”

Eunseok really needs to shut up but once he starts, it is like a whole word vomit coming out.

“Stop it,” Wonbin answers through his teeth, his voice cracking. His eyes averting to stare at the patterns on their bedsheet.

“Stop what?”

Wonbin lets out a shaky laugh. When he looks up, his eyes were dull and empty, yet they told a story of sadness as his eyes glistens with unshed tears.

“I don’t need your fucking pity.”

With that, Wonbin gets out of bed, slamming the door to their bedroom behind him.

The taller man stares ahead emptily, his mouth gaping like a fish above water, still trying to process everything that just happened.

But one thing is for sure, Eunseok couldn’t get the image of Wonbin’s sad eyes out of his head.

“I’m sorry,” Eunseok blurts out, when Wonbin finally leaves the toilet.

He had been waiting outside for Wonbin since after their - fight? Eunseok doesn’t even know what to call it but he sure doesn’t like it.

Wonbin sighs and shakes his head. “It’s fine. I’m sorry too.”

He then begins to walk away, heading to the kitchen.

Eunseok reaches out his hand to stop him, feeling the need to explain himself further.

“No, you don’t understand,” Eunseok says, his hand holding onto Wonbin.

“What is it, Eunseok?” Wonbin asks tiredly.

“I apologize for making you feel like I pity you. No, I do pity you but-“ Eunseok’s exclaims towards the end, knowing Wonbin is going to interrupt him. “It’s not because I pity you I do those things.”

“I do it because I want to. I care about you Wonbin.” It is true, whatever Eunseok just told the smaller man.

“But you don’t care for me like you do a man you’re in love with,” Wonbin whispers, his jaw clenched.

“Wonbin...” Eunseok says, swallowing the lump in his throat.

He sees the way Wonbin has his hands balled up into tight fists and Eunseok reaches out instinctively to cover his white knuckles. He doesn’t allow Wonbin to pull away, holding it tight in hopes that it will help to give Wonbin some hope.

“Is there even an us anymore?” Wonbin asks so quietly Eunseok almost misses it.

Eunseok doesn’t know what to say to that. Every day, he asks himself the same thing. They are together but are they really?

Wonbin takes a deep breath and when it hitched, Eunseok looks up to see Wonbin’s body tremble.

“I- I’m sorry,” Wonbin’s voice cracking as he purposely turns to look away from Eunseok, despite Eunseok having a hold of his hands.

Eunseok’s chest tightens at the sight and he wishes he could heal Wonbin’s painful heart.

So he does the only thing he knows.

“Hey, come here,” Eunseok breathes out, grabbing Wonbin to his chest.

He hugs Wonbin tightly and for a moment, he thinks that Wonbin will pull away or shout at him but instead, a pair of arms wrap around him.

“Please,” Wonbin pleads, his voice husky. “Can we please pretend for just one night? Pretend that you love me. Hold me like you mean it.”

“Wonbin-” Eunseok’s voice strained, not knowing what to say.

Wonbin shudders a deep sob into the embrace, his face buried into Eunseok’s chest.

“I just- I really miss you,” Wonbin weeps, his voice raw and broken.

“You’re here with me now a-and I should be grateful over it but-” Wonbin release a shuddered breath, his voice thick with emotion.

Eunseok feels tears sipping through his shirt and the dull ache in his chest keeps coming and going.

He blinks his eyes, putting on a pokerface because he knows he needs to be strong for Wonbin now.

“I’m here.” Eunseok brings one hand up to stroke the back of Wonbin’s head.

“You are,” Wonbin wails, his arms tightens themselves around Eunseok - as if afraid Eunseok would disappear.

He feels Wonbin shakes his head against his chest.

“But it’s like I don’t have you anymore.”

Like arrows, those words shoot straight through his heart.

Eunseok is trying to be strong for Wonbin  but as he closed his eyes shut, he feels a tear roll down his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” Eunseok whispers because he really is.

He is sorry for what happened.

He is sorry for the circumstances that they ended up in.

But one thing he is most sorry of is for unintentionally causing Wonbin’s broken heart.

“You feeling better now?” Eunseok asks, sneaking a peek at Wonbin who still has his face hidden in his chest.

When Wonbin pulls back, Eunseok sees him with a red nose and red-rimmed eyes. Eunseok feels bad. But at the same time, Eunseok thinks he looks adorable.

The smaller man takes a long deep breath, before nodding his head. “I’ll be fine.”

“Erm, t-thanks for earlier,” Wonbin continues, seemingly embarrassed that he had just cried on Eunseok.

“It’s no problem,” Eunseok shyly answers, a hand rubbing at the back of his nape.

“Sorry about your shir-” Wonbin is about to say but then Eunseok cuts him off.

“Can we start over?” Eunseok exclaims.

Wonbin’s eyes widen at that, a questioning look on his face.

“I know it hasn’t been an easy one month plus for the both of us and I know we are both trying but,” Eunseok gulps. “I think I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

“Wh- Huh?” Confusion taking over Wonbin’s face.

“The last week or so, I realise that I’ve been avoiding you and I can understand if you think that I hate you or that you disgust me.”

Wonbin keeps quiet at that because Eunseok knows that is really what Wonbin has been thinking. Especially after he overheard his conversation with Sion.

After releasing a long slow breath, Eunseok finally says, “It’s actually far from the truth. I got scared because I realise that I was actually attracted to you.”

He said it. It’s out there. No more hiding.

Wonbin starts shaking his head, whispering out, “Don’t.”

Eunseok’s glad he still has his arms around Wonbin so he made sure he wouldn’t be able to walk away from him.

“It’s true. These feelings- they are very new to me and I didn’t know what to do with it.” He sighs.

“It made me wonder, how did I cope with the realization of being attracted to you previously. Did I act on it? Did I keep it to myself?” Eunseok continues explaining, making sure to keep his gaze on Wonbin.

“Don’t give me hope, Eunseok,” Wonbin says in a small voice.

“You were honest with me last night, so I decided I needed to do the same to you. We are in a relationship right?”

Wonbin nods his head slowly and Eunseok is glad that he still thinks they are together, despite what he said last night.

“And one factor to keep a relationship going is honesty.”

“You’re not just saying that because you don’t want to hurt my feelings or anything right?” Wonbin asks hesitantly, his fingers playing with the edges of Eunseok’s shirt and the taller man thinks he doesn’t even realise it.

“I’m not,” Eunseok replies, assuring. “I want to start over and try again.”

Wonbin stares long and hard at Eunseok before his gaze softens and a gentle smile makes his way to his face.

“With how determined you sound just now, you really reminded me of how you were before we started dating.”

Eunseok doesn’t understand what Wonbin meant by that since he can’t remember. But he takes it as a good sign with the way Wonbin is looking at him.

“Alright, let’s start over.”

And Eunseok thinks that if all else fails, and he prays hard it doesn’t, at least he knows they both tried.

***

When Wonbin leaves for work the next morning, Eunseok decides that he will begin acting on his promise of starting over.

If Wonbin is still holding onto this relationship, when he could easily leave Eunseok, then he must really love him.

And Eunseok wants to feel like he is deserving of that love.

He texts Sungchan to ask the address to the school Wonbin is teaching at, of course not without an onslaught of questions from the other which the raven-haired man doesn’t mind answering.

Start small, he thinks.

And that is how Eunseok eventually ended up in the kitchen, trying to prepare a meal.

Wonbin woke up later than he usually did, eyes all puffy. He was rushing and didn’t have time to prepare lunch for himself.

Feeling bad about it, Eunseok promised Wonbin that he would come by his workplace with a promise of home-cooked lunch.

The smaller man only looked at him weirdly, and only says his goodbye before leaving for work.

Eunseok thinks that Wonbin probably didn’t think ‘starting over’ meant having Eunseok prepare lunch for him.

“Song Eunseok, this is worth it, do you hear me?” he grumbles to himself, yelping when some oil splashes out of the pan as he prepares Wonbin’s meal.

Once lunch is done, he keeps them into two separate lunch boxes. One for Wonbin and one for himself. Eunseok thinks he would like to have lunch with Wonbin too.

He takes a cab down to Wonbin’s school and Eunseok won’t lie, he still gets a little nervous taking cars. But he thinks as long as he isn’t the one driving, he can handle it.

Wrong.

His hands starts trembling as soon as the cab starts moving and Eunseok has to close his eyes throughout the whole ride, taking slow, deep breaths as a means of calming himself down.

For Wonbin, for Wonbin, for Wonbin.

Luckily for Eunseok, it wasn’t a long journey.

When the cab slows down to a stop in front of the school, Eunseok stares in awe at the building before him. He shouldn’t be surprised because he knows how prestigious the school is but it still does not stop him from gaping at the sight.

Thump, his heart skips a beat.

“Wonbin,” Eunseok mutters to himself, a small smile creeping it’s way to his lips.

He feels nervous and he doesn’t understand why but Eunseok doesn’t have time to prepare himself because the next thing he knows, he hears footsteps coming.

“Hey!” He hears Wonbin from behind him, a huge smile on the smaller man’s face.

Eunseok feels like his heart might lurch out of his chest with how much it is expanding from all the love Wonbin pours out to him.

He doesn’t need Wonbin to say it because it is in his actions and emotions that Eunseok knows the smaller loves him.

“You really came,” Wonbin breathes out, his eyes sparkling as he stares at Eunseok.

It’s like as though he couldn’t believe that the taller man is really there.

“Without a doubt,” Eunseok grins and gestures to the direction of the school. “Shall we?”

Wonbin nods his head, walking beside Eunseok. He doesn’t talk for a few minutes before finally asking, “How did you get here?”

Eunseok scratches his nose before mumbling, “By cab.”

“No,” Wonbin gasps, stopping in his tracks.

“It’s fine,” Eunseok assures Wonbin, even though he was practically dying on his way to Wonbin’s workplace.

“No, now I feel bad,” Wonbin sighs, pouting a little.

Eunseok kinds of want to kiss it away.

Wait, what?

He doesn’t get the chance to ponder on his sudden thought because Wonbin hesitantly asks next, “D-did you get an attack?”

“Almost,” Eunseok admits, not looking at Wonbin because he just knows that he is going to look at him with those sad eyes again.

He immediately says, changing the subject, “I am so hungry. How about we go eat now?”

Not bothering to wait for Wonbin’s response, Eunseok begins walking to the direction he thinks is the cafeteria.

“Erm, Eunseokie,” Wonbin calls out to him, a thumb pointing to the opposite direction of where he was heading. “The cafeteria is that way.”

Blood rushes to Eunseok’s face, pink dusting his cheeks.

“Right! Of course. How forgetful of me,” he shrugs, an embarrassed smile on his face.

The cheerful laugh that emits from Wonbin has Eunseok thinking that he doesn’t mind making himself look stupid just to hear it again.

As they approach the cafeteria, Eunseok asks Wonbin about his day. At that question, the smaller man begins chatting excitedly about what the kids did during lesson time and Eunseok couldn’t be happier.

“Oh,” Wonbin pauses. “I forgot to mention that Sion will be joining us for lunch.”

They are co-teachers?

“He’s a teacher here too?” Eunseok asks, trying to be as casual as possible.

“Yes, he is,” Wonbin replies, before he waves in the direction where Eunseok notices the said man already sitting.

Sion sends them a wide smile and Eunseok thinks that the man hasn’t changed at all, since his last memory of him.

“Eunseokie!” Sion greets, pulling him into a hug and the confused expression on his face has Wonbin chuckling lowly to himself.

Were they close?

The raven-haired man plasters a smile on his face as soon as Sion pulls back.

“How have you been, bud?” Sion asks, his eyes scanning Eunseok’s body up and down.

Probably noticing how Eunseok seemed a little uncomfortable from all the scrutinizing, Wonbin pushes Sion’s hands away from Eunseok’s shoulders.

“Move,” Wonbin says. “You’re making Eunseokie uncomfortable.”

“Okay, Mr Posessive. Calm down,” Sion teasingly says, bringing his hands up to his sides.

Wonbin lets out a ‘tsk’ sound at that then turns to look at Eunseok with a gentle smile on his face. “Want any drinks?”

Eunseok hums, and decides, “I’ll get what you’re getting.”

“Okay!”

“What about me?” Sion asks, an expectant look on his face.

Wonbin gives him a judging face. “I’m not your servant. Get it yourself.”

“This son of a-“

With a sweet smile on his face, Wonbin cuts Sion off. “We are in school, Mr Oh. Please be mindful of your language.”

Sion huffs, his tongue poking the insides of his cheeks, and Eunseok can’t help but laugh at their little banter.

“Anyway, don’t say anything I wouldn’t say while I’m gone,” Wonbin warns and actually meaning it, mostly towards Sion, giving the man a pointed stare.

Eunseok wonders what that is supposed to mean.

Sion just ‘shoo’s him away with his hands. When Wonbin finally walks away, he turns to look at Eunseok, a sad smile on his face.

Will people ever stop looking at him that way?

“He was really excited you know,” Sion says, his eyes averting to look at the lunch boxes Eunseok has prepared. “When he told me you came.”

Eunseok’s hand grips his jeans under the table. Somehow his heart aches for Wonbin, thinking about how the smaller man gets happy even with the smallest things Eunseok does.

“It’s been awhile since I saw him that happy,” Sion concludes, looking at Eunseok again.

Eunseok doesn’t know what to say to that because he knows how hard it has been for Wonbin.

Sion tilts his head then, watching Eunseok. “Do you think you’d be able to love Wonbin again?”

I am getting there.

“Because Wonbin was-“

“Because I was what?” Wonbin cuts Sion off sharply.

The raven-haired man swivels in his seat to see the smaller man staring daggers at Sion behind him.

Eunseok sees the way Sion swallows hard and he finds it interesting the power he holds over the other man considering how much bigger in size he is.

“That you were, and still are, hopelessly in love with Eunseok.”

Immediately, Wonbin’s face turns tomato red and Eunseok bites his bottom lip to stop himself from smiling.

That revelation somehow makes him happy.

“Shut up,” Wonbin bites back before holding out a drink to Sion. “Take your damn drink. I knew I shouldn’t have bought you anything.”

He then turns to Eunseok, smiling meekly. “Here’s yours.”

“Thanks,” Eunseok replies, taking the drink from him.

As the other two man continue with their little banter, their voices becoming background noises, Eunseok’s mind wanders to what Sion intended to say earlier.

Did it have anything to do with whatever Wonbin is hiding from him?

***

“Thank you for dinner,” Wonbin says softly after they both settled down on the couch in their living room.

“No worries,” Eunseok replies, a hand itching to reach out and squeeze Wonbin’s hand. “You’ve been doing the cooking ever since I got discharged. I think it’s time I take over.”

“But you’re still not-“

“I am completely fine,” Eunseok interrupts. “Maybe I have a scar here and there. Maybe my ribs are still a tiny bit sore. But I am not incapable. I want to do it.”

Wonbin stares at him, his eyes searching for something - Eunseok doesn’t know what - then his eyes lower to look at Eunseok’s lips and suddenly, Eunseok’s stomach is clenching from nerves and hold on, anticipation?

But Wonbin’s eyes snap back up and he nods his head saying, “Sure. Thanks again.”

“And like I said, it’s no problem.”

They sit in silence for awhile. It isn’t awkward at all and Eunseok has come to learn that whenever he is around Wonbin, no matter how little they talk, it’s never uncomfortable.

Wonbin’s tranquility steadies Eunseok’s inner chaos.

He is even more curious now of how their relationship is before the accident happened.

“Wonbin,” Eunseok begins, taking out the stack of polaroids he found. “Can you tell me about these polaroids that I found?”

The smaller man gives the taller man a knowing smile. “See, I knew you were looking through the drawers that one time.”

“W-well, it’s my room too. Why can’t I?” Eunseok protests.

Wonbin chuckles at how cute Eunseok is. “I didn’t say you couldn’t. You were just acting all suspicious is all.”

“Okay, I admit that,” Eunseok says, nodding his head slowly.

“Hold on. Let me get something,” Wonbin gestures for Eunseok to wait before he gets up and enters their bedroom.

When he comes back, he is holding a thicker stack of polaroids. Eunseok’s eyes widen at that because wow, there is more?

“There are more photos of us actually, but we only put up some on the wall,” Wonbin admits, passing Eunseok the new stack.

“We occasionally change the photos too on the wall. So each polaroid gets a turn to be on the wall of fame.” That causes Wonbin to laugh a little to himself. Maybe it’s a thing between them before.

Eunseok stays quiet, too caught up into looking at the photos. There are so many of them and he has so many questions. Seems like they both documented their relationship throughout the years. Like how some couples make videos, Eunseok guesses that he and Wonbin do it through photos.

“Overwhelming?” Wonbin asks quietly, his round eyes peeking through his lashes.

“A little,” Eunseok chuckles nervously and he wipes his palm at his shorts.

“I have so many questions because I want to know our love story,” Eunseok continues, and he doesn’t miss the tiny grin on Wonbin’s face at the mention of ‘their love story’.

“I’ll tell it to you, all of them,” Wonbin replies, clearly trying to keep his excitement at bay.

Eunseok smiles softly at that, his heart doing that thing again where it threatens to leap out of his chest.

“Sure, but maybe not today. Maybe you could just tell me some,” Eunseok suggested.

Wonbin sifts through the stack and picks out two. He passes both to Eunseok. Written on each were ‘haunted house’ and ‘pet rock’.

Eunseok snorts at the ‘pet rock’ and asks, “What is this? We owned a ‘pet rock’?”

Wonbin couldn’t hold back his laugh at that and nods his head. “Yeah.”

“Oh, please do tell what this is all about,” Eunseok has a tiny small on his face as he sits back, eager to listen to what Wonbin has to day.

“This happened a few years back actually, when I went to celebrate Christmas with your family because I wasn’t able to go back home to celebrate it with my family.”

So Wonbin has met his family?

He is surprised but he knows he shouldn’t be considering how long they have been together.

“So, you’ve met my family? Including my younger brother?” Eunseok asks, even though he thinks he probably sounds stupid.

“Yes,” Wonbin trails, eyeing Eunseok as though he is afraid of the taller man’s reaction.

“My brother’s probably irritating, isn’t he?” Eunseok hums, a slight smirk on his face.

“Not really. I’m his favourite actually,” Wonbin answers, a sly smile on his face.

Eunseok’s brows raise at that because he knows how mischievous is younger brother can be. There is a huge gap between them – more than 10 years – and he always wondered if Wonbin had ever met him.

“I guess you’re not called ‘perfect guy’ for nothing,” Eunseok mutters, peeking at Wonbin from through his lashes. “Everyone loves you.”

“Including you?” And Eunseok knows Wonbin immediately regrets what he asked with the grimace shown on his face.

Clearing his throat, Wonbin immediately changes the subject and continues his story about their ‘pet rock’.

“So back to my story. During that one Christmas celebration with your family, I got your younger brother a ‘pet rock’. You didn’t exactly say you wanted it, but I knew you actually liked it with the way you kept playing with it when your brother wasn’t around,” Wonbin snickers.

Eunseok rubs his nape, not being able to wrap his head around that. Imagine wanting a ‘pet rock’. Eighteen years old him would never.

“Hey, don’t look all confused,” Wonbin ‘tsks’. “You love that ‘pet rock’. Like you would literally give it baths.”

Eunseok sputters at that, “I would?”

“Yes! You love it very much. We had it for almost 2 years before we had to say goodbye.”

Clearing his throat, Eunseok continues, “We sure have an interesting life.”

Thr smaller man stares ahead, a wistful smile on his face. “Yeah.. It was never boring throughout our years of being together.”

At that, Eunseok’s heart flutters the tiniest bit and he even feels a little envious that past Eunseok was able to experience all that.

“What about this one?” The raven-haired man points at the other polaroid with the words ‘haunted house’.

“This…” Wonbin mumbles, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

“You sure didn’t look all too happy in this one,” Eunseok chuckles a little.

Wonbin looked pale in it – no smile on his face – and he was clinging onto Eunseok’s arm. On the other hand, Eunseok looked at ease, a tiny smile on his face as he looks at the camera.

“That’s because this was immediately after we got out of the haunted house,” Wonbin huffs. “I hate haunted houses. Or anything horror for that matter.”

“Oh really…” Eunseok revels in what Wonbin just said. He then continues, a teasing tone in his voice, “Let’s watch ‘The Nun’ now.”

He gets a (gentle) smack on his arms from Wonbin at that and he guesses he deserves that one.

Eunseok chortles, finding it cute the way Wonbin has a slight pout on his face and as soon as Wonbin looks at him, enjoying teasing him, the smaller joins in too. This has got to be the first time since the accident that Eunseok saw Wonbin laugh so freely like that.

It hit him that he wants to see more of that. Wonbin laughing freely and the reason for it being Eunseok.

After they both calm down. Eunseok looks to his side, admiring Wonbin’s side profile. His sharp jawline, high nose and full lips. He feels his chest constricting a little because how is a man this beautiful. Eunseok really has to count himself lucky that a man like Wonbin is still here, right by his side, despite everything.

“Hey, Wonbin,” Eunseok breaks the silence with his soft voice.

Wonbin’s eyes snaps back to look at Eunseok. “Hmm?”

“Can I ask how did we start dating?” Eunseok hesitantly asks.

The man beside him visibly stiffens at the question before relaxing his body. He sighs, “You know, we only started getting close with each other after I broke up with Sion. Don’t ask why but we naturally did.”

“And then, at one point, I actually started avoiding you,” Wonbin continues, that faraway look is back on his face.

“Park Wonbin ,” Eunseok calls after the man who has been avoiding him the last few weeks.

The said man stops in his tracks, shoulders tightening.

Eunseok fastens his pace to stand in front of Wonbin , making sure the other man doesn’t get the chance to walk away.

“ Why have you been avoiding me?” he asks through gritted teeth, hands naturally curling into fists to stop himself from grabbing the smaller man to him.

Eunseok had missed Wonbin so much. They had been hanging out with each other almost every single day and then one day it stopped.

And he doesn’t know why.

It hurts more because he had developed feelings for the other throughout the times they spent together.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Wonbin mumbles a response, eyes looking everywhere but at him.

“Don’t play dumb with me,” Eunseok whispers, his hand going to nudge Wonbin ’s chin lightly so that he is looking at him.

“Why are you avoiding me?” The taller man asks again.

Wonbin swallows hard. “Because I’m scared.”

“Of?” Eunseok ’s fingers going to caress Wonbin ’s cheek but somehow, Wonbin doesn’t seem to mind.

“Of losing you,” Wonbin sighs, blinking away the tears that has started forming in his eyes.

“Why would you lose me, hmm?” A tiny frown on Eunseok ’s face, confused by Wonbin ’s statement.

Wonbin begins to pull away, taking a step back and putting his hands in front of him when he sees Eunseok moving forward.

“Don’t come forward,” Wonbin says, voice hard.

“Why are you doing this?”

“I like you, okay! I tried to stop this feeling that I’ve started developing towards you over the last few weeks,” Wonbin finally says, his jaw clenching.

“But it’s hard.” His voice becomes smaller now, as though he is tired.

Wonbin likes him too?

Eunseok blinks.

Wonbin likes him.

“And why would you want to stop those feelings?”

“Because we are friends. I didn’t want to ruin whatever wonderful friendship we already had,” Wonbin replies, looking down while tugging on his hair.

“You didn’t think to ask me about my feelings towards you?” Eunseok shoots back.

At that, Wonbin immediately looks up, mouth agape.

“What?”

This time, Eunseok steps forward again and Wonbin will not stop him.

“I like you too, shortie,” Eunseok says teasingly, giving the other a crooked smile.

“Shut up,” Wonbin grumbles, his face growing red.

Eunseok wonders if it’s because of the fact that he called him by his nickname or because he just confessed to him.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“I did,” Wonbin mumbles, head turning away but with the way his ears have turned red, Eunseok knows it’s only because he is embarrassed.

“Now, that wasn’t so difficult, was it?” Eunseok asks, chuckling lowly.

“You’re wrong,” Wonbin replies. “What if things don’t work out? You saw what happened between Sion and I.”

“What has your past relationship with Sion got to do with us?” Eunseok asks, back to being confused.

“Sion and I - we were friends first too. And then look how that ended up? We broke up,” Wonbin explains, his eyes widening as he thinks of the various possibilities.

“And I don’t want our friendship to be ruined if we end up breaking up.”

“Did you forget? Your break up with Sion didn’t end badly,” Eunseok reminded Wonbin . “In fact, Sion didn’t mind staying friends. You were the one who avoided him.”

“At this point, you’re just making excuses,” Eunseok concludes, shaking his head.

“I’m not,” Wonbin stubbornly says.

“I get it, Wonbin ,” Eunseok empathizes with Wonbin . “You’ve had your fair share of failed relationships. So did I.”

Eunseok continues, his voice bitter, “But isn’t it unfair of you to end something that has yet to even begin? You never even gave us a chance.”

“I-“ Wonbin lets out a ragged breath, having closed his eyes shut tight midway through their conversation.

Eunseok sees the way his hands clench and unclench and all he wants is to reach out and lock their fingers together.

“All I ask, if you are ready, is for you to give us a chance,” Eunseok pleads.

He doesn’t want to force Wonbin if he isn’t ready. But when Wonbin finally opens his eyes again, Eunseok sees something he didn’t see before. He saw hope.

“Promise me we will make this work,” Wonbin says, his hand reaching out to grab onto Eunseok ’s.

“I promise,” Eunseok reassures Wonbin , squeezing his hand.

“Even when things get tough, we will do our best to make it last,” Wonbin earnestly says, his big sparkling eyes show they are scared but determined.

“We will,” Eunseok nods, pulling Wonbin close to him by the waist.

“I promise.”

***

Eunseok doesn’t know how it happened but he is suddenly sitting so close to Wonbin, their faces merely inches apart.

“Somehow, I think I remember,” Eunseok says, his eyes locking with Wonbin’s.

“You do?” Wonbin replies, surprised by what Eunseok just said, his eyes searching Eunseok’s.

“You were scared then,” he whispers out, one hand going out to hold Wonbin’s cold ones.

“I still am now,” Wonbin admits, closing his eyes as Eunseok’s other hand goes to cup Wonbin’s cheek.

Eunseok’s thumb caresses Wonbin’s cheek and he sees the way the other man bites his bottom lip.

“You told me to give us a chance and promised to always make things work,” Wonbin says, turning his head slightly so that his lips are touching Eunseok’s palm.

Eunseok shivers slightly, his stomach doing that thing again where it tightens in anticipation.

“I did,” Eunseok agrees, nodding his head.

Slowly opening his eyes, Wonbin then asks softly, “So now, will you? Will you give us a chance again?”

This time Eunseok swallows hard, knowing that the decision is in his hands now.

“I will.”

“You will?” Wonbin repeats, as if he couldn’t believe his ears.

“I will,” Eunseok whispers out, and while it is soft, there is conviction in his words.

Without so much a second thought, Wonbin leans forward a little and his lips graze Eunseok’s. He pushes himself further, pressing a tentative kiss on Eunseok’s chapped ones.

As though something inside of Eunseok snapped, like he has been waiting for it, his lips claim Wonbin’s, his hand going to the back of Wonbin’s head.

His mouth fit over Wonbin’s as though it was made to. Eunseok begins moving his lips, softly and deliberately, testing and tasting. Wonbin’s lips follow, moving expertly against his.

Body pressed against each other, Eunseok’s hands move to feel every inch of Wonbin.

“I love you, Song Eunseok,” Wonbin gasps against Eunseok’s lips as he feels Eunseok’s hand brush against his thigh.

The taller man doesn’t allow Wonbin to speak further as he covers his mouth again with his.  Not wasting anymore time, Wonbin licks the seams of Eunseok’s lips, gaining entry when Eunseok part his lips.

Eunseok’s senses reel when he feels Wonbin’s tongue move against his, tension building low in his stomach. His lips grow more urgent as Wonbin’s hand goes to tug at his hair.

Wonbin pulls away again, their lips making a loud sound. He grabs Eunseok’s face gently, making sure the other doesn’t look away.

“I’ll wait for you, no matter how long it takes. You are my Eunseok no matter what.”

“I’m your Eunseok always,” Eunseok promises, and he doesn’t know why he feels like crying. 

So he does.

The tightening in his chest that was always there whenever he looked at Wonbin came back and this time, it finally burst and Eunseok thinks he has never felt more relaxed.

Maybe it’s because it feels like he is given another chance.

But everything feels so overwhelming at the moment and it wasn’t a bad thing.

“Whether you remember again or not, as long as you’re willing to give us a chance, I’ll be here,” Wonbin says, determined.

His eyes are shining with unshed tears and Eunseok is thankful that he isn’t crying too. Wonbin leans forward to give a soft kiss to Eunseok’s lips.

“I’m sorry I’m acting like this. I don’t know why.”

Wonbin shushes him gently by planting another kiss on his lips.

“No more saying ‘sorry’. At least not because of this,” Wonbin adamantly says.

He then pulls Eunseok close to him, wrapping his arms around the older. Placing his head at the crook of Eunseok’s neck, he mumbles,

“I love you, Eunseokie. Always.”

***

When Eunseok wakes up the next morning, the first thing he sees is Wonbin’s perfect face. A small smile automatically makes it’s way to his face as he remembers the night before.

Nothing happened after the talk but he thinks about how far they have come from when he couldn’t remember anything at all after his accident.

It’s not like Eunseok can remember everything now. He barely can. But there is the sense of hope in which he knows things will be alright despite everything.

Eunseok’s eyes trace every inch of Wonbin’s face - from his soft black hair that he had the pleasure of running his fingers through it to the slope of his nose then eventually his luscious lips that Eunseok can’t seem to stop thinking about.

The taller man is still learning to love Wonbin again. But Eunseok has come to learn that it will not be a feat because Wonbin is easy to love.

He reaches out a hand to gently swipe away Wonbin’s hair from covering the other’s eyes. At that, Wonbin releases a soft moan, before he opens his eyes, the other man’s long eyelashes fluttering like butterfly wings.

“Morning,” Eunseok greets the other, a tiny grin on his face.

Wonbin stares at Eunseok, blinking away sleep. The younger man then stretches his arms and the older man is reminded of a cat.

Cute.

“Hmm?” Wonbin’s eyes narrowing.

Eunseok looks back at the other questioningly.

“You said cute,” Wonbin replies softly, stifling a yawn midway.

The raven-haired man flushes at that, having realised that he must have said his thoughts out loud.

He shrugs nonchalantly, hiding his embarrassment because why should he be embarrassed of finding his boyfriend cute?

“You’re cute.”

Wonbin, now clearly awake, leans forward to nudge his nose against Eunseok’s.

“No you’re cute, for thinking I wouldn’t notice how you’re feeling embarrassed despite acting nonchalant,” Wonbin says, a gentle smile on his face when he leans back.

Eunseok is about to protest when Wonbin sits up suddenly.

“Shit, what time is it?” He asks, his eyes wide.

Eunseok looks at his phone, showing that it is half past seven.

“Oh no, you’re going to be late!” Eunseok exclaims, jumping out of bed too. Though he isn’t sure why because he isn’t the one who is late.

Wonbin doesn’t reply and dashes to the bathroom. While the other gets ready, Eunseok makes coffee for the other to drink before he leaves. It’s the least he could do.

Fifteen minutes later, Eunseok hears the door to their bedroom open and out comes Wonbin looking absolutely -

“How do I look?” Wonbin asks, combing his hair with his fingers.

“Perfect,” Eunseok breathes out, his eyes not leaving Wonbin.

When he realises what he says out loud, he stammers, “I- I mean you look great. Definitely presentable.”

Wonbin chuckles softly. “Well, I sure hope so, considering I have a presentation later in the afternoon.”

“Anyway, I really need to go,” he continues, wearing his socks.

“Here,” Eunseok passes Wonbin’s mug to him. “At least drink some coffee before you go.”

“Thanks,” Wonbin says before drinking from his mug, his eyes peering over it.

When he is done, Wonbin passes the mug back to Eunseok.

“Good luck for later,” Eunseok wishes him as the younger puts on his shoes.

“Thank you,” Wonbin replies, wavering by the door.

Eunseok wants to ask if anything is wrong but before that can happen, Wonbin leans forward to peck Eunseok’s cheek.

Still trying to comprehend what just happened, Wonbin doesn’t wait for Eunseok as he waves at the taller man goodbye, locking the door behind him as he leaves.

Eunseok blinks.

Once.

Twice.

And then he realizes that despite all this still feeling new to him, Eunseok thinks he could get used to this.

***

wonbin [2:01pm]

eunseokie..

wonbin [2:02pm]

i’m really sorry to trouble you like this but i left my folder at home and it’s really important that i have it with me for my presentation

eunseok [2:05pm]

hey, no worries about it. let me go look for it

wonbin [2:06pm]

it’s the only red colour folder in the drawer. thank you so much! i owe you

eunseok [2:07pm]

it’s really no problem. i will text you again when i find it

The pounding in Eunseok’s head wouldn’t stop and it is only getting worse. This has been going on for almost a week but he never thought much about it because it isn’t anything new to him.

The doctor did say he was going to experience occasional headaches and if it gets too much, just pop a pill or two of the painkillers.

So that’s exactly what Eunseok has been doing.

Except, it’s only getting worse.

Rubbing at his temple gently, Eunseok enters their bedroom to look for the document folder Wonbin asked him to find.

He didn’t bother looking at the top drawer because it is all just accessories which Eunseok is pretty sure Wonbin wouldn’t put his document folder in there.

“Fucking headache,” Eunseok grumbles as he feels throbbing at the right side of his head.

The taller man begins searching through the second drawer but all he sees are documents after documents but no folder. He decides to take out the documents slowly one by one, and sift through the items.

It takes him awhile to finally spot a red-coloured document folder almost at the bottom of the drawer.

“Seriously, Wonbin?” Eunseok mumbles to himself, thinking that he needs to inform Wonbin on the importance of having a neat drawer.

Now the throbbing has spread to the left side of his head and Eunseok feels the need to lay down in a bed for a bit before he heads off to Wonbin’s school.

As he reaches out to grab the folder, he spots a small black box hidden at the corner of the drawer. If he hadn’t taken out the documents out of the drawer one by one, Eunseok would have most definitely not noticed it.

Somehow, instinct tells him to look at it. Eunseok doesn’t know why he is feeling nervous but then he recalls back all those times he felt like Wonbin was hiding something from him and he isn’t sure if he wants to find out what it is now.

The box feels kind of light in his hand. Maybe it is some accessory but then why would Wonbin hide it in the second drawer when all the other accessories are in the first one?

Eunseok opens the black velvet box to reveal a pair of rings. The tall man sucks in his breath when he realises that they were not any normal couple rings but they were actually wedding bands. He inspects the rings and engraved on it were the letters ‘Yours Always ♡’.

“What the fuc- argh!”

Eunseok groans when he feels a sudden sharp pain in his head. It comes so quickly and painfully that he had to grab a hold of the top of the drawer to steady himself.

His breath becomes ragged and his hands start to tremble slightly.

“Fucking hell, not now please,” Eunseok pleads, his eyes going back to the velvet box in his hand.

The rings, who do they belong to?

All the thinking and questioning isn’t making the pain subside. Eunseok needs to take his painkillers real soon.

And then, as if a switch has been turned on inside of him, Eunseok remembers.

“I already miss you,” Wonbin pouts and Eunseok can’t help but kiss it softly.

“Baby, I’m only buying some groceries. You sure you don’t want to come along?” Eunseok asks, squeezing Wonbin ’s waist.

“I’m sorry, I want to but I really need to finish something up,” Wonbin sighs, giving Eunseok an apologetic smile.

“It’s fine,” Eunseok pecks Wonbin ’s cheek, before letting him go.

“When you come back, there will be a surprise for you,” Wonbin says, a sly smile on his face.

Eunseok chuckles at that while shaking his head.

You’ll be the one who will be getting a surprise, the taller man thinks to himself.

“Come back safe.”

“Always.”

As Eunseok walks to his car, he feels the velvet box in the pocket of his hoodie. His heart pounding at the thought that yes, tonight is the night.

He is finally going to propose to his boyfriend after almost a decade of being together.

The smile that makes it’s way to his lips threatens to break his face with how wide he is smiling. He chuckles to himself thinking about whatever surprise Wonbin is planning for him because the other would be in for a surprise himself.

In his car, he opens up the box to reveal a pair of matching rings – one for Wonbin and one for himself. It is a simple silver band with one tiny diamond in the middle. Engraved on the inside of it is the word ‘Forever’ and ‘Always’ on each one.

Maybe it’s a little cheesy or typical but it is what Eunseok imagines his future with Wonbin to be.

He knows nothing lasts forever but with Wonbin he wants it to be forever if given the choice.

Eunseok keeps the box back inside the pocket of his hoodie and begins driving to the nearest supermarket.

Park Wonbin .

When Eunseok recalls again, he never would have thought that he and Wonbin would be a couple, much less last this long.

He was never the type to be into the whole commitment thing because to him, relationships are just that. They come and they go - he never once thought of wanting to share his life with someone for a long time.

Then one day, the raven-haired man experienced an epiphany.

Prior to them moving in together, Eunseok is sitting at the kitchen counter in Wonbin ’s apartment, watching him walk around the kitchen as he prepares breakfast. Only wearing a tank top and boxers. His hair all messy, not bothered by how he looks in front of Eunseok . And then Wonbin turns, meeting Eunseok ’s eyes and flashing him the most beautiful smile.

Eunseok knew then that he wants Wonbin by his side always.

He wants to wake up in the middle of the night driving Wonbin to the nearest 24/7 fast food just because the other got hungry in the middle of the night.

He wants to cook porridge for Wonbin when he is sick and gets all clingy.

He wants to try Wonbin ’s cooking, no matter how bland or salty they may be because the other is always enthusiastically trying out new recipes.

He wants to go grocery-shopping with Wonbin , getting scolded by the smaller man when he buys extra unnecessary items.

Eunseok wants to do all of that domestic things.

With Wonbin .

And now, he remembers he needs to buy a number of things from the supermarket.

“What were they again? Shit,” Eunseok mumbles to himself, turning on the blinker to signal left.

“Wait, now I remember. We need milk, bread and probably cereal too,” Eunseok begins listing out the items they need. “I’ll probably add some snacks too just because.”

Eunseok comes to a stop at a junction when the red light shows on the traffic light. The road is empty, safe for one or two cars parked at the roadside. This doesn’t come as a surprise to him since it is almost midnight. No one ever goes to the supermarket at midnight.

Humming to himself a song he has been working on, Eunseok ’s fingers tap onto the steering wheel with the beat.

It is still a red light and Eunseok sighs wondering when the hell is it going to change to green.

That is when he sees headlights from the opposite direction. During a normal situation, the headlights will stop at a distance because it is a red light after all.

But then it hits Eunseok that this is not a normal situation because the light gets bigger and bigger as the car opposite is not stopping.

“Fuck, fuck, what the fuck is he doing? It’s the red light, idiot,” Eunseok panics, his hands gripping the steering wheel.

As he is about to let go of the brake, wanting to drive out of the way to avoid the oncoming car, he feels the strong impact before everything went black.

He doesn’t know what happened next but all he remembers was the smell of charred tyre and how painful his whole body was.

The smell of blood is making him feel sick and Eunseok try his hardest to open his eyes but couldn’t. He is finding it hard to breathe and the only thing running through his head is that he wants to stay alive.

He doesn’t know how long he waited for help to come, all the while struggling to keep himself awake. Eunseok thinks if he were to die then, he would want the last thing he thought of to be of something happy.

So the last thing on Eunseok ’s mind before he finally succumbed to the pain was the smile Wonbin gave him that one day in the kitchen, the smile which made him realise he wants to spend forever with him.

Eunseok groans as he opens his eyes. He blinks his eyes slowly, allowing his eyes to adjust.

White. He sees white everywhere.

Why does this feel familiar?

“Eunseok?” A voice calls for him beside him.

He turns his head to see Wonbin, looking tired with bloodshot eyes and messy hair.

Again, this all feels too familiar.

“You’re awake,” Wonbin says, voice husky.

“Wait, am I hospitalized again?” Eunseok asks, a frown on his face, as he notices the wire attached to his hand - he doesn’t know what they are called but they are uncomfortable.

“Yes,” Wonbin says softly, hesitantly reaching out a hand hold Eunseok’s.

“What happened?” Eunseok asks, squeezing Wonbin’s hand to reassure him.

“I- I don’t know,” Wonbin begins, stammering. “I called and texted you because remember how I asked you a favour to bring my folder to me? You didn’t answer so I started panicking and went home.”

“You what?!” Eunseok exclaims, sitting up abruptly only to groan in pain.

“Oh my God, lie back down please,” Wonbin pleads, panic in his eyes.

“I’m fine,” Eunseok mumbles, his head starting to pound again. He knows Wonbin knows he is lying.

“What happened to your presentation?” Eunseok asks when he is settled on the bed again.

“I found you on the floor of our bedroom, I could fucking care less about the presentation,” Wonbin says through gritted teeth.

“It’s fine, I’ll explain to my boss,” Wonbin adds with a sigh when he sees Eunseok’s worried face.

“Do you remember what happened before you passed out maybe?” Wonbin asks, his thumb gently caressing Eunseok’s palm.

The raven-haired man sucks in his breath because he most definitely remember what happened before blacking out.

“I remember the throbbing pain in my head getting worse as I tried to find your folder. I remember taking out the contents in the second drawer one by one. And then I remember,” Eunseok pauses.

He notices the way Wonbin has stopped caressing Eunseok’s palm and instead gripping onto his hand, as if afraid of letting go.

“I found a black velvet box hidden at the corner of the drawer.”

The room goes so silent and honestly, a pin could drop in the room and Eunseok would be able to hear it.

“No,” Wonbin breaks the silence, his hand letting go of Eunseok’s.

Eunseok wants to reach out again, to hold Wonbin’s warm hands in his. Not wanting to ever let go. Not especially when he finally remembered that night.

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Wonbin keeps repeating those words to himself.

“Why not?” Eunseok asks, wanting to know the reason why Wonbin hid it from him.

“You just shouldn’t have,” Wonbin says sharply, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

“Why?” Eunseok asks back, his voice hard.

“Because,” Wonbin cries, before his voice gets quieter. “You’re not ready for it. You’re just going to feel overwhelmed. You literally just started to accept us.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Wonbin whispers out, sniffling as he looks down, not wanting to make eye-contact with Eunseok.

Eunseok’s heart aches hearing how broken Wonbin sounded. The smaller man was genuinely afraid of losing him.

“Come here,” Eunseok pleads, reaching out a hand for Wonbin to grab onto.

When he does, Eunseok pulls the smaller man to him, making sure he is sitting beside him on the bed.

His hand wipes away the tears on Wonbin’s face, chuckling lowly, “Baby.”

“S-Shut up,” Wonbin whines, a watery smile on his face.

“You were going to propose to me that night,” Eunseok says, sending Wonbin a gentle smile, as his hand cups Wonbin’s cheek.

Wonbin closes his eyes and sighs, “I was.”

“Well, I’m glad we at least still have yours then because mine probably got destroyed by the accident,” Eunseok says, pouting a little at the thought of the rings he bought now gone.

Wonbin gasps and his eyes snap open at that.

“What?” He asks, eyes widening as he searches Eunseok’s face.

“You know, I never believed in this thing called ‘matchmake in heaven’? But maybe I’m starting to believe so,” Eunseok says, more so to himself.

“Are you saying what I think you are implying?”

“You said earlier that you were afraid I’d feel overwhelmed, that I wasn’t ready for it. But honestly? I think this is long overdue,” Eunseok explains, a hand going to run his fingers through Wonbin’s hair.

“For so long, I‘ve had the thought of wanting to marry you. But I never found the courage to do it, always worrying over whether you’d be ready for it or worse, that you’d reject me,” Eunseok continues, his hand back in Wonbin’s hold as the other traces random circles on his palm.

“And then one day, when I finally decided to do it, I had the misfortune of getting into a terrible accident which made me lose my memory.”

Eunseok gulps, thinking about how hard things were for him, for Wonbin, during the time he couldn’t remember and probably treated the other quite badly.

“But then,” Eunseok takes in a deep shaky breath. “During that period, it made me realise how fortunate I was to have found someone who is so patient, so kind, so understanding, so loving.”

Eunseok says softly, “Your love for me is so much and so strong that I - someone who had zero recollection of our relationship - could feel it all.”

At this point, Wonbin has his face covered, his body trembling as he tries to hold in a sob.

“I’ve always said - loving you is easy,” Eunseok admits, wiping a tear that managed to escape from the corner of his eye.

“So, let’s not waste our time anymore because life can just throw you a curveball and you’ll never know what will happen next. Park Wonbin,” Eunseok says, prying Wonbin’s hands away from his face, lifting his chin to face him.

“Will you marry me?”

Without much hesitation, Wonbin grabs hold of Eunseok’s face gently with trembling lips and shaky hands, mumbling a ‘Yes’ against Eunseok’s lips.

***

“I guess we have a new photo to add to our wall of fame,” Eunseok says as he stands in front of the wall beside Wonbin.

His hand wrap around Wonbin’s tiny waist, gently stroking his hip. Wonbin has his head rested on Eunseok’s shoulder while he looks at the photos they have pasted on the wall again.

It is nice to see the journey of their relationship - from when they first started dating to now that they are married.

“I guess we do,” Wonbin replies, turning his head to look at Eunseok. 

Eunseok tilts his head down, his eyes softly tracing Wonbin’s every feature. Wonbin paints a ray of sunshine all over his face, his smile so wide.

“Are you happy?” Eunseok asks, nudging his nose against Wonbin’s gently, before pecking it.

“Always.”