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The rain pelted at his skin, washing away the blood while stinging his wounds. The cyro user shuddered from the cold, something uncommon for him.
He stumbled as he quickly came upon his destination. He could practically feel the warmth radiating from a mile away.
A large mansion.
A winery.
His heart ached as he crept through the familiar grape vines, but his wounds stung more.
The lights downstairs were on, so the front door wasn’t an option. He crept along the back and as silently as he could he climbed the wall. He fell at least twice from the slippery brick, his full memory very hazy. He probably had a concussion.
He finally reached the windowsill, blue hair soaked to his skin and his clothes so wet they did nothing to stop the cold. He had the brain capacity to time the breaking of the window with the large sound of thunder, but it was all for nothing when he practically crashed onto the floor.
The warmth hit him like a wall and he almost passed out right there, but he dragged himself up to the empty bed, ignoring the aches, ignoring the trail of blood he left, ignoring the twisting feeling of guilt in his gut as he sloppily slid under the covers. His breaths staggered as he tried to calm himself down. His head hurt. His chest hurt. His stomach hurt. His heart hurt. It was easier to make out what didn’t hurt than what did. He didn’t know when he fell asleep. He didn’t know if it was voluntary or not, but his eyes had finally snapped shut.
-
It was warm when he woke up. He didn’t sit up, just opened his eyes. He felt tense and confused. His clothes were still soaked and his sheets were covered in what seemed to be blood. The window was still broken, but it seemed to be late in the afternoon. The sun was setting.
He was seconds from sitting up before a soft knock caused him to tense. He heard the door slowly slid open and heavy foot steps walk in.
Diluc
“Kaeya…” His voice was soft, as if speaking to a hurt animal.
Kaeya didn’t move. He froze on the spot, afraid to face the man to his back.
He heard a soft sigh and the sound of a platter being set on the nightstand. There was a shift of weight on the bed near Kaeya’s legs.
The redhead had sat down.
Kaeya risked a glance. Diluc’s back was to him as he sat at the foot of the bed.
“I’m so sorry.”
Kaeya almost flinched at the sincerity of the voice.
“I’m so sorry you feel so afraid that you have to sneak in.”
There was something in his voice. Something that made Kaeya not want to run, he relaxed his head back on the pillow.
“The door is always open for you Kae…”
Kaeya didn’t notice the tears falling until they soaked his pillow. Despair. That was what riddled Diluc’s voice.
Kaeya wanted to speak, tell him that he’s fine. But he knew he wasn’t. And he knew Diluc wasn’t dumb. One look at him even with his body covered by a sheet was enough to tell anyone that he was not fine.
Kaeya’s mouth opened to speak, but he was cut off by a shaky sigh.
“What can I do…” A sob.
A sob.
A sob from the most stone faced man he’s known.
A sob from the man who showed no emotion at their fathers funeral.
A sob from the brother who showed almost no mercy during their fights in the forest, the nights after their father died.
A sob from Diluc Ragnivdr.
Kaeya wanted so badly to sit up and hug him. To sit up and promise him he was okay. But his body refused. He moved not an inch except for the tears streaming down his face.
“Oh who am I kidding.” Diluc’s voice was broken, another disheartening sob. “It’s not like you can hear me anyways.”
And the weight at his feet disappeared.
Kaeya’s chest wanted to scream to Diluc. Tell him it’s not his fault. Tell him that he was okay.
To tell him that he loved him.
But he didn’t.
He couldn’t move.
The heavy footsteps walked out the door, and silently and gently closed it. Leaving Kaeya alone again.
Another sob.
But this time from the cyro user.
His body curled in on itself as he sobbed into the covers. Quiet but heavy sobs. He soon began crying so hard that his sobs hurt. No noise came out as he clutched his chest and sobbed. He had never cried this hard before. Months, no, years of unresolved sadness burned its way out of this chest. He didn’t care about the taste of dirt and blood from the sheets. He didn’t care about the aches and stings as wounds broke open again.
He only cared about his brother.
Brother.
That word sent another violent sob out of his throat.
He hadn’t used that word in almost a decade.
He didn’t know when the violent sobs and shaking stopped but when he calmed down he allowed himself to sit up. He winced at the feeling of stretching and was exhausted. He glanced at the night stand.
Chicken and mushroom skewers.
His favorite.
He picked one off of the plate.
It was put together rather messily and looked quite bland to Kaeya, but food was food. He bit into a mushroom and was met with a rubbery texture, obviously made by someone who had rarely cooked mushrooms.
Diluc made these.
Diluc made these, just for him.
The rubbery texture and blandness of it did not stop Kaeya from devouring the entire plate. He had to physically stop himself from eating the sticks as well. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a meal. He leaned back against the wall and took a deep, shaky breath. He glanced around the room.
It was a plain guest bedroom. Nothing too special on the walls, a plain chest with a matching plain dresser. A small door that cracked open to show a small bathing room.
A bath sounded nice.
Kaeya slowly stepped out of the bed and quietly limped to the door, making as little sound as possible.
A wall of steam hit his person as he opened the door. A warm bath sat in the middle of the small room.
A warm bath.
Another wave of guilt.
But he needed a bath.
He stripped off his clothing and re-opened many wounds as he did. There was no need to save these items as they were torn to shreds. He allowed his eyepatch to fall to the ground and untied his hair before stepping into the warm bath.
If Kaeya ever experienced heaven, he was positive this is what it would feel like.
Warmness enveloped his chilled body, soothing the aches and cleaning the stings from his body.
He noticed the water turning murky almost immediately, but for the first time in a while. He didn’t care. A bath was a bath.
He sat and soaked for a very long time, until the chill began to creep back into his body.
He quickly got out and dried himself off. He looked at the full body mirror, looking at his body littered with bruises and cuts. He used his cyro to seal and freeze the cuts to the best of his ability.
When he finished he looked at himself again.
He was not proud.
He was not proud of anything he had done the last few years.
He wrapped a towel around his waist and stuck his head out of the small room. The bed was made and the sheets had been changed. A small pile of clothes sat on the bed, facing him. There was a small paper placed neatly on top.
When the paper met his fingers he recognized the handwriting.
Clothing for you,
my little star.
Dinner is waiting
downstairs.
Come if you’d like
-A
Adelinde.
A small smile crept onto Kaeya’s face. He had not seen her in years.
He picked up the clothing and dressed himself. It was plain (too plain for Kaeya if you asked him) but at that moment, plain was comfortable.
He turned the note over in his hand and glanced at the broken window.
The glass had been swept up and the sky showed it was getting late. Kaeya thought about running away. He walked up to the window. The air was warm, much better than the rain from the night before.
He glanced at the note again. He needed to do something to stop the guilt from consuming him.
He took a deep breath and walked to the door that led out into the hallway.
He stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. He didn’t want to open the door up; he knew he had to. He took another breath in.
Three.
Two.
One.
Soon Kaeya was faced with the wall opposite of his door. He poked his head out of the door, peeping both ways before stepping out.
His hands were shaking.
No.
His whole body was shaking.
He tugged at the hem of his blouse, fidgeting softly with it.
His heart rate began to pick up and he tried to control his breathing.
What was his deal?
He tried to calm himself with a deep breath again and turned to face the hallway leading to the staircase. With enough force he was able to slowly walk down the hall, hands fidgeting and nails piercing his palms before he reached the balcony overlooking the winery. He peeked his head around, eyes stopping at a familiar fiery red.
He sat at the table, a dirty but empty bowl in front of him.
I’m late.
Kaeya took a hard swallow before stepping out into view.
Adelinde noticed him first.
Her face lit up in a smile, deepening her wrinkles.
It hurt Kaeya’s heart.
Diluc did not notice him at first as his eyes were busy scanning papers in front of him. It wasn’t until Kaeya hesitantly began to crept down the stairs did his eyes meet Kaeya.
“Kae…” His voice sounded soft. Like a gentle plea. A plea for Kaeya to stay.
Kaeya stopped, frozen. He couldn’t keep looking into his brother's eyes and found the floor more interesting.
He didn’t know what to say. No words formed in his head.
Well.
Three words did.
“I….I’m sorry ‘Luc…” Kaeya’s voice was defeated. Soft and fragile. He stood and sounded like he could fall apart within a second.
A soft noise came from the red head. “It’s okay, just… eat. Come sit. There’s enough food.”
And with that Kaeya slowly made his way down the stairs. He tried to hide the limp but it was impossible. Diluc didn’t poke or prod though. He sat and watched his brother sit and eat.
It was soup.
Potato and ham soup.
Kaeya started down at the bowl.
It was his favorite soup, and a soup he hadn’t had in almost 20 years.
The first time he had it was the first night the Ragnivdr had three at the table for dinner.
Kaeya took a spoonful and was delighted at the taste and warmth.
“I made it just for you, my star.” A small hand was placed on his shoulder. It was Adelinde, he’d recognize her voice from anywhere. “Eat as much as you need, there’s plenty.” She rubbed soft circles on his shoulder as he scarfed down the soup and laughed softly as he asked for another bowl.
As Kaeya got his second bowl Diluc looked back down at his paperwork.
The two sat in comfortable silence. Kaeya eating and Diluc reading through paperwork.
No words need to be spoken.
The silence spoke almost a thousand for them.
As Kaeya finished, another bowl was set in front of him.
Ice cream.
Diluc got one too and the boys both basically scarfed that bowl down as well.
Adelinde smiled widely at the two boys. She could tell Kaeya hadn’t eaten a full meal in at least a few weeks. And Diluc… well that was just Diluc.
When they finished they both sat in silence again. Kaeya couldn’t tell if it was comfortable or if the tension was so thick he just couldn't notice.
The silence was broken with the sound of Diluc’s chair sliding as he stood.
“You can either stay in the same room or… since it’s all dirty, we could get you another room.” Diluc’s voice was still soft, like he was afraid to scare away Kaeya.
Kaeya nodded, “I’ll just keep the room I’m in.”
His voice was still soft, but that was because of his crying fit a few hours before.
The red head nodded before swiping up his papers, and turning to the stairs.
He paused before the first step. “By the way, Kae, you aren’t a burden. The door is always open.” And with that he made his way up the stairs.
Kaeya took another deep breath (he should start a counter with how many of those he’s done today) and sighed, swallowing the thick lump in his throat. He stood up as well and slowly made his way to the stairs.
He heard the soft click of Diluc’s door shutting.
The cyro user made his way up the stairs and glanced to his left. On that side of the hallways lay Diluc’s room. He glanced to the right. His current guest room he occupied.
He walked down the left side.
He ran a hand along the left wall and stopped when his hand reached a door. He knocked.
No answer.
He wanted to open the door but didn’t want to interrupt anything. The last thing he needed today was to catch Diluc while he was bathing.
He quietly walked down the hall to the staircase.
Adelinde was cleaning up the dishes.
“Adelinde.” The name felt foreign on his tongue. It had been years since he’s called for her.
She looked up at his with a bright smile. “Yes, my star?”
“Does Diluc bathe at this time ever?”
She let out a soft chuckle. “Oh no he usually just changes his clothing and lays down for sleep at this time.”
Kaeya nodded. “Okay, thank you.”
Adelinde nodded happily and went back to cleaning up the table, a large smile now worn on her aged face.
Kaeya made his way back to the door and knocked again before opening it. But this room was empty. He almost walked out before he noticed the familiarity of the room.
He stepped inside.
The room was large.
A coat forgotten on a chair in front of a large desk.
The bed was much larger than a king. The bed sheets were made as if rushed.
Dust had flown around, as it was disturbed from the door opening.
Kaeya took another step and noticed the large portrait on the wall opposite of the bed.
Two children were sitting in the lap of an older man.
The older man wore smile lines. And fiery red hair, matching the taller boy seated in his lap.
The taller boy had a large smile and had one hand placed on his father’s shoulder. The other found its home on the smaller boy.
The smaller boy's hair was a deep blue. A small smile with two front teeth missing. An eye patch covering one eye hidden behind his bangs.
A happy family.
A happy family that twisted his heart.
This was Crepus’s room. Untouched.
Kaeya held back tears before clicking the door shut.
With the door to his back he noticed a door opposite of the room he was just in.
He sighed (again) and mentally face palmed. He stepped forward and shook his hands slightly before lifting a fist to knock slightly.
“It’s open, you can just leave the sheets on the dresser,” the muffled voice of Diluc rang in his ears.
Kaeya hesitantly reached for the knob and twisted it open.
Diluc sat in his bed, a small flame lit in a lamp on the nightstand. He held a book and his hair was down, pooled near his shoulders.
After a few seconds of Kaeya standing like an idiot in the doorway Diluc glanced up.
“Oh… it’s you.” Diluc set his book down and sat up a bit straighter.
“Can…can I come in?”
God this is so awkward.
“Sure.” Diluc wore a gentle smile, it was almost unsettling.
Kaeya stepped in, the door closing behind him. He fidgeted softly at the tension before taking a deep breath (ding ding) before walking to the bed and sitting down on it.
“Can we talk?” he asked quietly.
“Of course we can talk.” Diluc’s response was still soft, it was weird for Kaeya to hear him speak like this so often in a night. “What do you wanna start with?”
Kaeya let out a quiet laugh. There was so much to talk about yet at the same time so little.
“I…don’t know.” Kaeya hugged his knees to his chest before sitting himself next to Diluc on the bed. “I guess I should apologize first, for like… everything. I-” His sentence stopped short. He didn’t know how to bring up the topic.
Diluc shook his head slightly. “No, I should be apologizing to you, Kae. None of this would’ve happened if I just calmed myself.” Diluc tried his hardest to show Kaeya that the fight that happened almost a decade ago meant nothing to him anymore.
Kaeya felt a warm hand slid into his, rubbing soft and reassuring circles on his.
And for the first time in a long time. He let it happen. He was tired of running away.
He rested his head on his brother's shoulder, humming softly.
“We are such a mess.”
It was a quiet statement. Almost whispered. And the red head responded with a deep and low chuckle.
“Yeah, I guess we are.”
The two sat in comfortable silence. The soft crackle of the lamp and the quiet wind blowing outside the window.
“Kaeya, could I ask you something?” Diluc’s voice cut the silence.
Kaeya hummed approvingly in response.
“Why do you do this?”
“What?” Kaeya lifted his head from his shoulder. “Do what?”
“Hurt yourself. Go out of your way to get hurt. Last night you were almost dead.” Diluc’s voice sounded distraught and worried.
“Oh…” Kaeya got quiet. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know the answer himself. “To forget? I guess. I… I don’t know. I just… needed to ease my mind, and it just slipped away from me last night.”
Diluc squeezed Kaeya’s hand reassuringly.
“Please promise me you won’t do it again, at least to the extent you did last night.” He almost sounded like he was begging, pleading Kaeya to not hurt himself again.
Kaeya nodded softly, resting his head back on the shoulder. “Sure.”
“And one more thing, please know that this place is safe for you. It’s okay to come here unannounced.”
Kaeya nodded again. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Good.”
The rest of the night was mostly comfortable silence, with small and quiet conversations. Soon Kaeya drifted to sleep and Diluc picked up his book again, hand still intertwined with his brother’s.
Not long after the lamp was blown out and the book was set aside. The pryo user situated the two so they were both under the covers. Kaeya practically gripped Diluc’s arm, as if afraid he would leave, and he didn’t.
Diluc soon drifted off as well, his younger brother curled into his side.
-
When morning came Adelinde was the first to find the boys. The two were cuddled together just as they did when they were younger. And for the first time in a while, she did not wake her master. Instead she quietly stepped out and shut the door, happily waddling to the kitchen to make breakfast.