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In a few weeks, Undyne might look back at this situation and have a good laugh. Maybe she’ll talk about it over drinks with Papyrus—not even the drown-your-sorrows kind of drinks, but the haha-fun-times kind. Alphys might even laugh about it, albeit a little awkwardly, if things turn out like Undyne is expecting.
And Undyne is expecting the worst.
Alphys had texted her earlier about marathoning some anime that evening, and in a fit of excitement, Undyne had invited her over for dinner before the show. She had been confident, then. She was a spaghetti connoisseur; she had nothing to worry about.
Or so she thought. As she stares into the pot of blackened noodles, her mind is as blank as Sans’s sentry duty records because she doesn’t have any more noodles. She just burned the last of her noodles. Alphys is going to be here any minute now, and there is zero edible food in the house.
Undyne spouts an impressive string of expletives while she rushes around her kitchen, searching desperately for a solution. She doesn’t find one. She was overconfident earlier, and now she’s going to have to pay for it with her pride. Alphys might just leave; she might think Undyne is incompetent or, worse, unreliable...
“What do I do?” she grumbles to herself. “How do I make food happen when there’s no food? Magic food? Takeout?” Aha. She has an idea. The relief soothes the angry lines from her face, though she still has to take a moment to calm herself. She hasn’t screwed it up entirely, after all.
///
Alphys shows up no more than five minutes later, on time as usual. “’Sup, Alphie?” Undyne greets her. The squat scientist walks in with a handful of DVD cases and her laptop. She points at her T-shirt, a pink top showcasing an anime title, with a free claw and nods to the taller woman.
“Heh, Mew Mew Kissy Cutie is up!” she replies. “Or it will be, after dinner, I g-guess.” Alphys smiles nervously at Undyne, who does her best not to make a face that would give away the fate of the unfortunate pasta that would have been their dinner.
Undyne claps her hands together. “Right! About that. Change of plans. I think we’d be better off eating out!” She pauses for Alphys’s response, but none comes. A trickle of discomfort winds its way up Undyne’s spine when Alphys blushes her deepest red. Oh, God, did she know about the noodles? What gave her away? Did she say someth—
Eating out. Oh, fuck.
“At a restaurant! Eating out at a restaurant!” Undyne stammers, but no, she can’t save this. There is nothing she can say that will undo whatever damage she just did to her pride and Alphys’s propriety because she can’t even keep eye contact with Undyne right now.
After a long, dignity-murdering pause, Alphys finally says, “U-uh, sure, that’s f-fine by me! Um, I’ll just put my stuff down and w-we can go, if you’re ready?”
“Yeah, whenever you are.” Undyne curses herself for her defeated tone. You did this to yourself because YOU CAN’T OPEN YOUR MOUTH WITHOUT SOMETHING RIDICULOUS COMING OUT. She stares at the wall blankly while Alphys places her things on the kitchen table, and Undyne is barely cognizant when Alphys gasps.
“Ohh, wait, Undyne, I c-can’t go out like this!” she shouts frantically, tugging at her clothes. “I don’t have a-another shirt with me. I’ll have to go back and change...”
Undyne shakes herself from her shame to say, “No, you won’t! Look, I’ll wear the same one so you don’t feel silly.” Alphys looks down at herself again and then back to Undyne.
“A-are you sure?”
Undyne smiles wide and pats Alphys on the shoulder. “Totally sure! I’ll go change,” she confirms, turning suddenly to scamper off to her room.
Thankfully, the shirt is clean and at the top of her stack of clothes. Undyne tells herself this has nothing to do with the fact that Alphys gave it to her. In less than ten seconds, the Mew Mew Kissy Cutie shirt is on her back, and the previously-worn black tank top is flung onto the designated “dirty” pile in the corner.
“Ready!” Undyne announces as she steps out of the room. Alphys stands suddenly from where she was sitting at the kitchen table.
“Okay, ready,” Alphys replies, and they’re off.
Undyne guides them to a small diner near the residential area of Waterfall. The evening goes much smoother from then on. Alphys has a lot to say about her human history research, and Undyne easily shares anecdotes from training the Royal Guard. They even see Gerson at the very same diner, who gives a sly wink to Undyne over Alphys’s shoulder when they visit his table. She tries not to think anything of it.
When they return to her house, the Mew Mew marathon proceeds as planned (with popcorn and lots of squealing on Alphys’s part), though they both pass out about three quarters of the way through. Undyne wakes up the next morning with drool on her face and something heavy and warm on her lap.
That something is Alphys’s head.
Don’t panic. Don’t you DARE panic. Just play it cool. This is fine and normal and you are ABSOLUTELY NOT considering kissing her awake because THAT IS NOT WHAT NORMAL FRIENDS DO, YOU FISH FUCK. GOOD GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She does everything in her power to remain still. Unfortunately, the sudden heat in her cheeks catches her off guard, and she takes a shaky, halting breath to steady herself. Alphys jolts awake at the movement, rolling over and pressing an elbow below herself to sit up, but her elbow just knocks into Undyne’s thigh without getting any traction. Thus, Alphys rolls unceremoniously face-first into Undyne’s stomach.
OH. MY GOD.
Undyne barely gets out an “Um” before Alphys squeaks in surprise and pushes herself off of Undyne and onto the floor.
“Sorry, sorry, sorryyyyy!!” the reptilian woman cries as she scrambles to stand. Undyne can’t help but shake her head and laugh. She offers a hand to Alphys who, after a slight pause, takes it, and she pulls her from the floor to the couch.
“It’s okay! I don’t mind. At least you didn’t drool on me,” Undyne says with a grin. Alphys just blushes harder and frowns. Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say.
“Oh, no, did I drool?” she mumbles into her hands.
“No! You didn’t! It’s fine! It would be fine even if you did.” Undyne cringes at that last part, but it’s too late to take it back. If she doesn’t do something right now, she’s going to keep saying dumb things. Undyne rocks forward to stand and pats Alphys on the back.
“I can’t believe I fell asleep before we finished the season,” Alphys says finally.
“It’s a lot of history to take in at once,” Undyne says, nodding sagely. “No big deal. We’ll just finish it today!”
And they do. After a breakfast run, of course.
///
Later that evening, as Undyne is returning home from walking Alphys to Hotland, a familiar voice stops her in her tracks. “Well, if it isn’t little miss fish lips. Where’s your lizard lady?”
Undyne turns to find the ancient tortoise reclining outside his store, and he stands to greet her. “Hey there, Gerson! Alphys just went back,” Undyne says after hugging her old mentor. He gives her a knowing smile.
“Oh, she stayed the night, did she?” he asks. WHAT. Undyne blushes infuriatingly quickly.
“Whoa! No, not like that! She and I—we’re just friends, you old coot!” she retorts, but Gerson is having none of it. He crosses his arms and shrugs.
“Hmmm, I see. Your matching shirts from yesterday evening were surely just from being friends,” he says, his lips curling deviously. “I’m certain the Captain of the Royal Guard would wear a T-shirt for ‘Mew Mew Kissy Cutie’ in public with any old friend.”
Oh, God, he has a point. She hadn’t even thought of what that would look like. Was it really that obvious? She fumbles for a snarky remark, but she’s too overwhelmed by the sheer audacity of her actions to make one. A rough claw prods her side to break her from her introspection, and she looks up to find Gerson nodding at her with a much more gentle expression.
“Don’t get all curled in on yourself, now. I know what it’s like to have an amour,” he says, waving a hand up at the cave ceiling. “I’m pretty old, and I’ve had my fair share of lovers—”
“Gerson, please.”
“—so you can come to me if you ever need advice.” He winks at her again. “Then again, I could just tell you now that you should make a move on the good Dr. Alphys before you’re wearing that T-shirt under your armor like a lovesick schoolgirl, but that’s up to you.”
Undyne buries her face in her hands while Gerson laughs heartily. She mumbles a thank-you and goodbye as politely as she can without making eye contact, leaves Gerson to his store, and finally makes her way home.
On second thought, she’ll be needing that drink with Papyrus. Any kind of drink. Preferably very soon.