Chapter Text
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It's 2024 and valentines is nearby.
I vowed to not love anybody, not unless they've loved me first. Not unless...
I hate how I wish it was her. How if somebody ever told me they loved me, I'd wish it was her. And that's a bit pathetic.
I saw her on new year's eve as the fireworks boomed in the sky. She was across the street, watching them too.
I didn't focus on her, too entranced by the loud fireworks, watching as the cascades of colors bloomed and exploded into patterns.
But now... I saw her. She was so close, and yet we were still so far apart. Hell, she probably doesn't remember me. Or if she did, she probably never thought of me like the way I thought about her.
She would never love me the way I loved her.
I know I told you I liked him too. And for so long, I tricked myself into believing that I loved him. But in the end, it was you who I looked at. It was you who I'd smile with all my teeth. You who I had vowed to protect.
You wanted to be a princess. I wanted to be your knight.
I knew, deep down, that I'd never be your prince charming. I'd never be the one you'd share a kiss with. And even so, I say it's fine.
She likes a boy. And how I wish I were that boy.
But I'm not a boy.
I loved you. Maybe I still do.
I know you'd never love me like that, yet I still held your hand. I stayed by your side and helped you, only expecting that you'd stay. But even so, you left anyway.
We said we'd be best friends forever, even if I wished we were more. And here I am walking without you.
You're not here with me anymore. We're strangers now.
I know everybody leaves someday, even you and me. Hardly anybody truly stays forever, and I was okay with that. I was okay with you leaving eventually.
But can you fault me for wishing that you stayed a little longer? Can you blame me for keeping my hopes up.
I loved you. But you would never love me that way.
And that's fine.
But it doesn't stop the heartache every valentines. I wish I manned up to give you that card. I wish I gave it to you and lied how it's for friendly love. Maybe I wouldn't be so hung up on it now.
It took one look at you on New Year's Eve and that was all it took to make these feelings come back.
God, I'm pathetic.
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I looked up from my phone, the valentines event starting up. Crowds of JHS students walk all over the School's covered court. On the stage, a small event is happening. Music, romantic and upbeat, plays from the speakers overhead as students make their way to different booths in the court.
It's a bit lonely for a moment, seeing some people holding hands even if relationships aren't actually allowed in the School.
"(Luke), check this out!" A friend of mine called me over. I walk through the mostly crowded court, whispering "excuse me"s and "coming through" while I walk through the sea of students.
They lead me to a confession booth. One where you can drop a message into a box anonymously.
We talk about trying it. The four of us, just me and my friends. I'm glad that they're here. They're not her. Never will be her, but I'm still so glad they're here.
We all decide to drop a confession.
I don't know what they wrote. But I know mine.
"I wish you loved me the way I loved you. But I'll never be the boy for you."
I leave the court, students going back to their classrooms as the event comes to an end. I leave the school with my heart less heavy.
Maybe I just needed to let it out.
I've accepted that maybe she wasn't and never will be mine. I've accepted that maybe we weren't soulmates.
The heartache hurt a little less.
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