Chapter Text
“ i’m a saint living in sin , oh , she really loathes me , she really loves me , she really loves . ” — drink , destroy boys
The Fountain of Youth was an aged tale that everyone knew about. That legend had been around ever since myths began. People had always whispered about the idea of immortality - that somewhere, deep within a forest, past fae-folk and nymphs of the water, little fairies living within the mossy roots, around the dryads that lived peacefully within their trees, and the sirens that sang beautifully within their lakes, was a fountain that granted immortality. One sip from it would cure any illness, two would grant you another ten years of life, three would render you unable to die from sickness, four would make you beautiful until the day you died, and a whole glass from the cup perched within the depths of the fountain, the cup that could only be given to you by the guardian would render you beautiful, young, and immortal until the ends of time.
Humans were inherently greedy. Humans always craved something- eternal youth, beauty, love, fame, wealth, you name it. Throughout the centuries, there were always many mortals that came through the forest that held the Fountain of Youth, all of them seeking selfish gains from the water that would make them worthy to stand amongst the gods. Some of them went alone, and some of them preferred to move in packs, like wolves. Yet, it did not matter how many or how few there were, hardly any humans throughout history had ever gotten to taste the sweetness from the Fountain of Youth. It was a rare treat, given to the most selfless and pure of humans, and only ones who held nothing but good within their hearts managed to have a sip of those waters.
All the fables about this fated fountain spoke not only of wondrous results, but also about the dangers that accompanied them. It wasn’t uncommon for a hefty amount of people to vanish into the woods in search of immortality. All of them were declared missing, and later dead, as the years went on. Undoubtedly, they were either siren food, new servants for the fae-folk that had taken their names, or tenders to the gardens of the dryads - if they were kind enough. If they were to return, they were what the people called “fae-touched.” Rarely did the fae-touched ever rejoin human society, instead returning only to bid their loved ones a final goodbye before retreating back to the forest to become one of nature’s companions. Their eyes held a strange sheen to them, their skin almost glowing within the sun, and their speech seemed to hold the whispers of the wind tumbling through leaves. The fae-touched that did return to the human way of life never did entirely get rid of the blessings of the forest, and sometimes, even if it had been years, they returned to their true homes.
Chuuya had known a fae-touched man. He had returned to the humans for about five years, before deciding to return to the forest, speaking of a lover within the soft branches of home. It was hard for them to resist a call so embedded into them. Often, he had found that man staring off into the distance, seemingly staring at someone, or something, that Chuuya would never truly know. They had not talked often, having bumped into one another at the local marketplace a few times. The man had always been kind to him, shivering despite the warmth that surrounded him, even going as far as to buy him and his friends food when they were down on their luck. One day, he had simply vanished from society, and Lippman had agreed with Albatross that he had gone back to see his fae lover. So was the destiny of those who were called children of the forest.
Chuuya would have never gone in search of the Fountain of Youth in the first place, had he and his friends continued to live a somewhat-stable life in the slums of their city, Yokohama. However, everything came crashing down on him the moment that a mysterious illness had taken most of the Flags into its dark embrace. No amount of medicine that Chuuya stole could help. Even Doc had no clue what the source of the illness was, despite the many hours he spent pouring over the symptoms, prescribing different remedies. None of the medicines that they got their hands on could do anything but relieve the fevers for a few hours before they came back in full swing.
So, Chuuya had one other option.
The Fountain of Youth.
“Chuuya, don’t do this for us.” Lippman coughed, his fever still quite high. “If I die, then-”
“Shut it,” the young boy snapped. “You’re going to live. I’m going to get you a sip from the fountain, everyone , and then you’re all going to survive. I don’t want to hear jack shit about death. I’ll be back before you know it.”
Lippman was too tired to fight him, and with weary, regretful eyes, he watched Chuuya stand up and leave the little room they were inhabiting.
Leaving his friends in the care of Doc, he packed his stolen bag with stolen food, and set off for the forest that held the cure to his friend’s illnesses.
Deep within the heart of the forest of Yokohama, down many twisting paths and past the whispers of the curious fae basking within the sun, if one persevered hard enough, they could find themselves within a peaceful clearing. Travellers, exhausted by the long journey, would probably find this to be a relief. And when their eyes laid upon the fountain in the middle of it, Dazai remembered seeing their faces light up with glee. Satisfaction. Pride.
Greed.
How unbearably human these mortals were.
In their defence, the Fountain of Youth was a sight to behold. Made of glistening stone surrounded by lush, green grass, flowers of all kinds growing on trees and climbing up from the ground, vines wrapping around the almost marble-like structure - it was a sight from fairytales. The water that flowed from the top of the fountain, gently dropping into multiple larger bains, before reaching the final pool at the bottom, gleamed gold in the afternoon light. Dazai, too, had been shocked by its beauty once.
After one hundred years, though, the sight had started to bore him.
Most days, Dazai preoccupied himself with books upon books upon books. His fae and nymph companions were always more than happy to bring their findings from the humans back to him so that he could examine them, most likely in order to earn his favour.
Osamu Dazai was the guardian of the Fountain of Youth. Tasked with ensuring that no foolish mortals were to drink from it, he was to stay vigilant and dispose of any usual greedy humans that trespassed on this holy land, and to then grant mortals that showed promise a sip.
Supposed to, that is. Most of the time, he was far from vigilant - sitting upon the side of the fountain with a book in hand, lazing in the grass, tending to flowers, and speaking to other creatures and children of the forest was how he preoccupied himself. It was a boring existence, and the only excitement he ever had was from the humans that managed to find their way there. Unfortunately, according to the rules of the forest - to which he was bound - the second that one of them made a lunge for the basins, he was to take their lives from them.
Greed for immortality would devour what little time they had left.
“A hundred years,” Dazai sighed, tracing his finger over the well-memorised stone of the fountain’s sides. Some of the water splashed at his fingers, leaving specks of gold upon his skin, even when he tried to flick it off. It was a pain when he accidentally got his books wet, and there was no point in drinking from the fountain when he was already immortal.
So, to the guardian, this fountain was merely overly sparkly, normal water that he could flick off whenever he so pleased. He had once done that in front of a mortal man, whose jaw nearly dropped to the ground in complete shock from his disrespect. The holy water - the water that would grant wishes and hopes and dreams - so carelessly thrown away? It certainly was a sight to behold. A very hilarious one, in the boy’s opinion.
It was also amusing to witness the shock of the mortals when they saw him. Most assumed that he was another human who had gotten there before him. In their greed, they immediately lunged for him with violent intent. Every time, without fail, he would eventually get rid of them. The sirens had use for human flesh, the fae and nymphs had use for their souls, and the forest would take whatever remained. This was the cycle that had been there since the beginning of time.
However, there were a scarce few that had shown him sympathy or pity instead.
Dazai hated pity with his whole heart.
He took great joy in the moment where he no longer had to abide by the rules of mother nature, and was able to gleefully slam them into the ground, thorns digging into their skin for the price of greed again. Unfortunately for the guardian, though, this kind of entertainment didn’t come frequently, and rarely did he leave his sunny clearing due to his duties, “just in case.” The only two that he had let drink from the Fountain of Youth, after having been shown unrelenting kindness and generosity, had taken their sips and then had immediately been claimed by the forest. Fae-touched at once - for the forest was as selfish and greedy as he was - and once she saw the love that certain humans could hold, wanted them for her own.
How hypocritical.
Dazai yawned, quite bored with the direction that this book was heading in. Perhaps this signalled for him to take a nap. With little energy, he dragged himself up and walked over to a tree to gain some shade, and then sat down next to it, leaning upon its heavy bark. The boy patted the roots a few times, before setting his book down and closing his eyes.
Only when he had just managed to start to doze off, was he poked back into consciousness. He swatted blearily at the hand that had grabbed him.
“Dazai!” A familiar, warm voice greeted him. “Dazai, I have news that may interest you.”
Dazai rubbed his eyes. “Atsushi,” he whined. “I was almost asleep!”
“I’m sorry, Dazai,” the forest nymph sheepishly smiled at him, yellow eyes gleaming in the shade. “However, I do have something to tell you that may catch your interest. If it doesn’t, though, uhm, I’m sorry!”
“Don’t worry about it,” Dazai cracked his neck from side to side before pushing himself up, Atsushi standing up when he did. “What’s up?”
“There’s another human that’s entered into the forest - don’t give me that look - I wouldn’t tell you if he was just some ordinary human! Uhm, he’s making.. significant progress. He’s very fast and effective in staving off the fae, sirens, and the other nymphs. Akutagawa might even have a go at him, that’s how famous he’s become within the few hours that he’s been here…” The nymph reported, shifting from side to side. Dazai’s eyes gleamed.
“How many hours, and how close is he?” The guardian asked, cracking his knuckles in anticipation. “And what does he look like?”
“He’s spent about six hours here,” Atsushi chirped back, fiddling with his belt - a souvenir from the human world that he had brought back. “And he’s a ginger. Blue eyes. Pretty short, around, five foot two. At his rate…”
“It’ll take him… maybe around three days,” Dazai hummed, sighing, and sitting back down. “Atsushi, I thought that he would already basically be at my door if you were telling me about him!”
“Eh? I thought it’d take him closer to two,” the nymph tilted his head, curiously. The fountain’s guardian grinned.
“With a height like his, it’ll take an extra day to make up for it!”
“Dazai, that’s just mean!”
The horrible thing about the fae-folk is that you had to be nice to and entertain them, no matter how infuriating they were. Chuuya was technically on their territory, and many fables before him had sung of one misstep leading to eternal damnation. He had to be polite, and yet, not too polite. The refusal of their subtly implicated deals was inherently extremely important.
The good part was if he was adept enough with his words, they would respect his space and leave. The bad part was that this inclined more fae to speak to him, since he was deemed “interesting” by the nearest creatures.
So far, he had declined an opportunity to play cards, chess, to water someone’s garden in return for “everything a human could want”, wealth, beauty, and safety. The typical amount of time that it was said to take to go to the Fountain of Youth was around four days, and in the back of Chuuya’s mind, he was worried that his friends wouldn’t last eight days long, assuming that he could get the water from the fountain within one week and return easily.
However, knowing the fables about this accursed forest, it would most likely take him closer to two weeks. He had told the healthy members of his group to continue stealing medicine and perhaps play “poor pitiful orphan brother” if the state of their group became too dire, but Chuuya couldn’t help but worry about them, still. The only thing that he had been able to do was alleviate the symptoms by stealing more medicine. Now that he wasn't there to do that, would they be able to hold on?
Yes, they would be. They were capable people, they would be just fine without him. All they had to do was hold out for at most, ten days. Just ten days, and he would return with the antidote that they needed.
Chuuya was not going to lose more friends.
“Ah- excuse me,” a timid voice said. “Are you the new human that’s here looking for the Fountain of Youth?”
The ginger had been so deep in thought that he hadn’t even noticed the creature appearing before him. The being was a rather soft-looking member of the forest - presumably a nymph, due to the lack of wings - with purple-golden eyes and oddly cut hair as white as the moonlight. He was dressed in what seemed to be a dress, white as the clouds, made of something softer than the finest silk. The skirt reached just beyond his knees, and a wreath of flowers nestled in his hair. The only word that could be used to describe the person before him was otherworldly.
“That I am,” Chuuya politely replied, with a small smile to show a lack of hostility. Nymphs were lesser forest deities, but they were still deities, nonetheless. They were to be treated with respect and kindness.
“You may call me Atsushi,” the nymph replied, smiling at him. “Would you like to walk with me for a bit?” Nymphs were known to be benevolent beings, who held no malice towards humans.
“Sure,” the traveller agreed. “To anywhere in particular?”
“You’re heading for the Fountain of Youth, yes?” Atsushi asked, fidgeting with his fingers. Chuuya slowly nodded, confirming what the nymph had said. “Oh, no, don’t worry. Please don’t be scared, rest assured, I don’t fault you for it. In fact, if you helped me with something, I could point you in the direction of it…”
“That would be nice, but I don’t really fight things,” nymphs were benevolent and they helped humans, the ginger chanted in his head. Nymphs were benevolent and they helped humans. “What do you need help with?”
Atsushi blushed a light pink. “Uhm… do you perhaps… have any love advice?”
“Love advice?” Chuuya stared at the nymph in utter shock .
“Yes,” the white-haired deity said. “Humans are said to be rather romantic when they want to be, yes? I was wondering… if you had any tips on how to… tell someone that you have feelings for them.”
Shaking himself out of his stupor, the traveller wracked his brain for his conversations with Lippman. He talked about women and men often, and he knew what girls liked, so maybe if he could shift through all of his stupid rants about women, then he could find something useful?
“Uhh…” Chuuya scrambled for ideas. “I think… maybe get them some flowers? And be heartfelt with your feelings. I say, don’t beat around the bush or anything. Just show up with a gift that they’d like, because it’s the thought that counts. Oh, and be honest.”
Atsushi immediately perked up. “Is that how it works with humans?” He questioned. “That seems quite lovely. Plus, it’s much less convoluted than what my other friend told me…”
“...What kind of advice did that other friend have for you?” Wasn’t what Chuuya had just told Atsushi the basics??
“He told me to.. hold a party at the new moon, throw a feast, and take him for a dance before asking him to marry me.” The nymph said with a completely straight face. Chuuya stared right back.
“...Don’t listen to that guy. Whoever he is, he’s fucking insane. Do whatever you’re comfortable with, okay? If it’s a confession from you, I’m sure whoever it is will be knocked right off of their socks,” the young man reassured him.
“Thank you again, really,” Atsushi tucked one of his bangs behind his ears. “The Fountain of Youth is true north, just like how all the ancient stories say. However, the forest can sometimes feel a little playful, and might change their paths a little bit. Here, I’ll walk with you for a little bit. Could you give me some more advice, perhaps, while we do?”
Chuuya smiled at him. “Sure, I can help out,” he said, despite knowing absolutely nothing about romance. “Or listen, at least.”
“Wonderful!” The nymph clapped his hands together, eyes coming alight with joy. The light that dappled across his face danced in delight, flowers sprouting from the ground to heed the call of the deity. “You see, I call him Ryuu, and he’s a fae of the spring court…”
Dazai was dying. That was the first thing that he recognised, amongst the depths of the blue waves. The bubbles that floated delicately towards the surface, birthed by his shrinking lungs, were tinted with the gold of a dying afternoon. It was sunset, and he was slowly floating downwards, shackled by the weight of his human body.
Dazai was finally dying. It had been a hundred years, and finally , he was dying. He could feel his lungs constrict, acknowledging the urge to thrash and push upwards, to go for air, to breathe.
He did not.
The familiar weight of immortality in his skin was absent right now. Because being immortal was like being one of the fae, so light, so free, yet so constricted by his own flesh. Being immortal was seeing no scars upon his skin after he tried over and over again to die, to break free from himself. There was no life of the mother of the woods in his veins, there was no fanfare, and if he were to bleed, there would be no specks of gold in the blood splatters.
Dazai was finally dying.
He was finally free.
He turned his head around to gaze at the sides of the well that he was drowning in, and then, he realised that the bubbles were not tinted golden because of the dying sun, but rather because he was drowning in the Fountain of Youth. He was drowning in the waters that he was sworn to protect, every day.
Dazai gasped for air, sitting up, with trembling hands. The familiar rush of water from behind him signalled the existence of the Fountain of Youth.
It was too good to be true.
It was but a dream of being set free.
As they walked and talked - though Atsushi was doing most of the talking - woodland creatures flocked to Atsushi and left patches of flowers in their wake. The nymph’s hands were buzzing with motions as he recounted multiple stories of Ryuu, speaking of him in a tone painted with love and gold, with the reverence of one praying to some sort of God. His words were quick to slather a portrait of the spring fae with adoration, speaking with nothing but awe.
“It’s honestly kind of funny to me, because for so many centuries, we couldn’t get along with one another,” Atsushi giggled. “And sometimes, we still don’t. We still banter quite harshly, and I think to anybody who wasn’t used to our antics, it would look like we hated one another. However, I know that he cares for me in his own way - I even got him to admit it, using one of my favours!”
“You used one of the favours from a fae to get him to admit that he liked you? ” Chuuya’s jaw dropped. “Do you know how many humans would kill for one favour from a fae?”
“Oh, I do,” Atsushi’s laugh was like bells chiming in a summer breeze. “I like to go and talk to humans, actually. I’ve even left the forest to do so,” his eyes twinkled with mischief. “Dazai had given me pointers to human culture, and since I was so curious, I decided to take his advice and go see them for myself.”
“You’ve mentioned this Dazai guy quite a bit, and he always seems to be up to no good,” Chuuya crossed his arms over his chest, being careful not to step on a flower.
“Ah, Dazai’s just like that,” the nymph shook his head with a little smile. “He might seem like he’s a little… strange, on the surface, but I promise that he’s a good friend to me and others, really.”
“Hah! You give him far too much credit,” another voice cut into the conversation, stern, like steel. “He’s less of a good friend and more of a professional nuisance.” Atsushi looked up, and Chuuya followed his gaze to lay it upon another man. He was sitting in the tree, olive skin dotted with freckles, long blond hair tied back with some sort of ribbon that seemed to be made of ripped cloth. Eyes as green as the forest itself, hidden behind rectangle glasses - did fae folk even need glasses? - dressed in what could only be called a white toga, was a dryad.
“Kunikida!” The nymph chirped, greeting the older man with a large smile. “Ah, I’ve been talking with this human for so long that I’d almost forgotten that we’d entered your part of the forest.” Kunikida huffed, pushing up his glasses.
“Does this human have a name?” The blond questioned, raising a brow. Atsushi startled, as if realising that he had never asked Chuuya for his name.
“Oh, goodness, I’m so sorry-” the nymph fumbled over his own words, a bashful blush colouring his cheeks rosy. He hid his face in his hands, clearly embarrassed. “I totally forgot to ask, I’m so sorry-”
“Oh, uh, it’s fine,” Chuuya raised his gloved hands. “You can call me Chuuya.”
“Well then, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Chuuya,” Kunikida nodded at him. “It seems Atsushi’s taken quite a liking to you. However, he is generally quite friendly with humans. What do you happen to be here for?”
“He’s looking for the Fountain of Youth,” Atsushi smiled back up at his friend. Kunikida’s expression immediately dropped from neutral to stern, eyes flashing a darker green when he turned his gaze to the human.
“Human,” Kunikida addressed. “Chuuya. Heed my warning, and count it as one made from good will. Do not seek the waters from the Fountain of Youth. If you value your life, then you should turn back and pretend as if you have never stepped foot in here.”
“Mother said he was a good human,” Atsushi protested, stepping in front of Chuuya to defend him.
“And if that is what she says, then you know better than I that he is in more danger,” the dryad did not falter. “Chuuya. If you turn around and continue straight, I will guarantee your safety. I can promise that you will leave this forest and feel no compulsion to return.”
“Fae-touched? Me? ” Chuuya scoffed. “No, I won’t be. Plus, I really need the water of the Fountain of Youth.”
“Would you sacrifice your own life for it?” Kunikida’s tone was weary. He wore the expression of a man who had seen many a traveller like Chuuya, bright-eyed, young, hopeful for the future. He had seen good humans, bad humans, both alike search for the fated waters from the fountain, and nonetheless, despite their intentions, no matter what they aspired for, they would die within the forest. Sooner, or later.
“...Yes,” Chuuya responded, stormy blue eyes gazing at Kunikida. “I would sacrifice my own life for it.”
“I can’t tell if you’re stupidly selfish, or stupidly selfless,” the dryad sighed, shaking his head. “Go. Go, don’t look back, and don’t tell me that I didn’t warn you.”
Chuuya turned to look at Atsushi, who was frowning. “Atsushi?”
“I… I think he’s over worrying,” the nymph finally landed on, turning to face the ginger himself. “I will make sure that you make it out of here alive.”
Chuuya turned back to face Kunikida, only to find the dryad gone from the place where he had been. It was like he had never been there in the first place.
Atsushi took in a deep breath, and then continued to move forwards, bare feet ghosting the grass. “Mother says that you’re a good human, and I trust Mother.”
“Who’s Mother?” Chuuya asked, quickly walking to catch up with the nymph.
“Mother nature,” he replied. “She whispered of a good human entering the forest. It’s probably why so many fae-folk have taken to you. If you’ve caught her eye, then you must be interesting..”
“...I’m not paid enough for this. I’m not paid at all, actually,” Chuuya sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Do you have any clue why your mom thinks I’m interesting enough to send all of her kids after me?” Said child of the forest sheepishly smiled.
“It’s probably because you’re beautiful.”
“It’s because I’m WHAT?!”
The fountain was still pouring water into itself, over, and over, and over, in an endless cycle. Dazai was preoccupying himself with another book, tracing his finger over the pages, staring at the letters, yet never fully understanding the story that was told. It was easy to lose himself in the mindless activity of flipping through them, at a base level, seeing the words, yet being unable to actually put said words into a sentence that was analysed by his brain. It was too easy to simply fall into a state of being, staring at meaningless words, with the sound of the fountain behind him, just as it had always been for the past hundred years.
Briefly, Dazai thought about trying to drown himself in the fountain, but sighed. He was immortal, after all. He could not die. He had tried so many times.
No matter how many times he tried to drown himself, suffocate himself, sever his own limbs, cut off his own head - name it all - none of it worked. He would regenerate any lost flesh, and it would come back, good as new, as if he had never been rid of it in the first place. It was scary, honestly.
Dazai had considered himself to have been something less than human, even before being cursed. However, now?
Forcefully stripped of his humanity - he was truly no longer a human being.
a darkness with me
shall never fade, sink into
my skin with my death