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They promised each other that morning that they wouldn’t cry again.
Pat brought up the subject of the figurative blue-eyed stranger who could whisk his boyfriend away from him in the airport car park as a joke, and further mock-convincing as they walked through the airport together, Pat still felt a little unsettled and uncomfortable about his joke becoming a reality.
Pran asked Pat to fix the slightly squeaking wheel on his biggest suitcase the day before he left for Singapore. Pat thought he had done so successfully until they got halfway through the departure gate and it started squeaking alongside the rhythmic humming and clicking when it passed over the grout between the airport’s polished floor tiles. It was annoying at first, but it soon became a comfortable sound, a gentle audible reminder that Pran was still with him.
As a boarding call echoed through the busy airport, the air thickened with the weight of Pat and Pran’s impending two-year separation. “I’m not allowed past security", a sigh escaped Pat, yet the corners of his lips lifted anyway, with only a hint of sadness. He’d been smiling for Pran all day, he could keep it up now. For Pran, he could do anything. Wait as long as he needed him to.
“I know” Pran nodded as Pat wheeled his heavy suitcase towards him. Their fingers touched and lingered as the suitcase exchanged hands. Once occupied with squeezing Pran's hand and tightly clutching the suitcase handle, his hands now hung empty and idle at his sides as they stared at each other, struggling to find the right words; in the hushed moment, the airport sounds gradually faded, leaving only their steady breaths and the beating of their hearts.
“Don’t forget those on the plane” Pat gestured to the headphone case hanging around his boyfriend’s neck. Pran chuckled and shook his head.
“I won’t take them off, I promise” Pran smiled and attempted to speak, his mouth opening and closing several times. He chuckled at his inability to express himself during their final moments together before he could return home for a visit or vice versa.
There was so much he wanted to say, but Pat had heard it all in the last few weeks. If he repeated any of it now, he might just crack; quit the internship and stay home like his heart was telling him to do. Another boarding call for Pran’s flight rang out. What if this was a mistake? What if he wasn’t good enough and he failed and wasted all his time away from Pat? Pran inhaled sharply, eyes welling up with tears threatening to spill over his cheeks.
“Come here” Pat enveloped him in a firm and reassuring hug, offering not just smiles but also unwavering strength for Pran; he had consistently been his pillar of support, and even a 1,300-mile distance wouldn't change that. Pran stifled his breath, closed his eyes tightly, and nestled his face into the comfort of Pat's shoulder. His hands clung desperately to Pat's back; fingers tightly fisted into the fabric of his green shirt.
Pat felt his shoulder getting progressively damper and as much as it hurt him, he pulled Pran away and held his face gently with both hands. “Listen to me, baby. Don’t be afraid, okay?” Pat exhaled a shaky breath. Pran held onto Pat’s forearms as he continued. “You’re going to be incredible. You and I both know you have what it takes to be the best they’ve ever seen” he caressed the tears off of Pran’s cheeks. “I don’t think I’ve done a good job of showing it lately, but I’m so damn proud of you” he grinned as he blinked away tears. “I love you, my Pran” he whispered.
This time, Pran drew him in, not just for a hug, but for a lingering kiss. Pat's arms enveloped Pran's neck and shoulders in a steadfast embrace while Pran held his waist tightly. Time seemed to slow down around their poignant romantic kiss. When their lips broke apart, Pat gently stroked his fingers through the strands of hair on the back of Pran's head. “I know you don’t want to wait till the final boarding call” Pat whispered as they pressed their foreheads together, “you should go now so you don’t rush through the terminal”.
“I’ll call you when I land, okay?” Pran swallowed thickly, “And-and I’ll video call you when I’m at the apartment and show you around”.
“Can’t wait” Pat smiled and nodded. He had to be the one to step away and shove his hands into his pockets.
“I’ll keep you on the call when I unpack too and I’ll-”
“Babe” Pat interrupted.
“What?”
“Go now, or you won’t go at all”
“Yeah…” Pran nodded sadly. He took out a packet of tissues from his pocket and pulled one out. He wiped his face on it and blew his nose then scrunched it up and stuffed them back into his pocket. He clutched the bag on his shoulder and the suitcase handle, “Okay, ready”.
“Right. Show them your incredibly organised carry-on” Pat grinned and it earned him a beautiful laugh from Pran, which he considered a victory given the circumstances. It would be a long time before he could hear that laugh in person again. Pat stood still as he watched Pran walk toward security. He was determined to watch him go through it safely and then stay till he could watch his plane take off, even though Pran insisted he didn’t need to when he booked the flight online. But, Pran couldn’t very well stop him, could he?
Pat furrowed his brows in confusion when Pran stopped a few steps short of the gate and pushed his suitcase to the side so it wasn’t in the way of the other travellers. He turned and jogged back toward him. Pat hadn’t expected him to turn back but he hugged him nonetheless as Pran stole one last kiss from him. Pran held the back of his head and threaded his fingers through his hair as he parted from his lips, panting lightly.
“Pat, since I was 13, my heart has belonged to you. It never wavered, not even when my parents sent me away. Reuniting with you… I fooled myself into thinking I could move on, because the truth is, my feelings for you are not bound by distance or time. I love you. I-I love you so much, you can't even fathom how much you mean to me. You are my everything, and I promise you that”.
"P-Pran," Pat whimpered and sobbed so hard his contact lenses nearly came out, totally oblivious to the crowd of onlookers, “I love you too” he managed.
"You're unbelievably beautiful," Pran whispered tenderly, “I’m so lucky you fell in love with me”. He took out a fresh tissue from the packet and gently wiped away Pat's tears. Holding one of Pat's hands, he placed the tissue in it, closing Pat's fingers around it before pressing a kiss to the back of his hand. "Okay", he smiled, "now I'm ready".
Pat gripped the tissue tightly and watched Pran jog back to his suitcase. He apologised to the security guards and, thanks to his well-organised bags and his well-chosen footwear, made it through with no issues. He waved at Pat from the other side after putting his shoes back on. Pat waved back with his free hand and gestured for him to go through and when Pran disappeared around the corner, he let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. The onlookers dispersed but Pat didn’t even notice they had amassed to watch their goodbye, he was very much focused on his boyfriend (who hadn’t seemed to notice them either).
Pat settled onto a bench near the window, swiftly updating their friends about Pran's situation. As he observed the world passing by, he replayed Pran's impromptu speech in his mind. ‘Not bound by distance or time,’ he had declared. A soft chuckle escaped Pat as he pictured Pran rehearsing that line, though it didn't sound rehearsed at all—it resonated with genuine emotion. "Cutie," Pat murmured to himself before he used the tissue to blow his nose. Eventually, the announcement for Pran's plane’s final boarding call reached his ears, and his gaze lingered on the workers loading luggage onto the plane. He convinced himself he saw them handle Pran’s luggage, even though they were too far away to tell.
Just as he said he would, Pat stayed to watch Pran’s plane take off. He had walked along the window till it disappeared from view and sighed deeply, scrubbing his hair back off his face. There was no need to stay, and Korn had invited him over for dinner, he figured he wouldn’t mind him getting there early. He couldn’t face being home alone yet. Even though the flight was less than three hours, he had it pinned in a flight tracker app so he could keep an eye on it.
When he got into his car, he started it up and opened the windows so he could get more fresh air. He was torn between keeping Pran's smell in the car a little longer, and letting it drift away so it would be easier. Or, would it be harder? He wasn't so sure. His face felt so hot and he just needed to breathe for a while. Whenever he felt like this, he just wanted to lay down in Pran’s lap and have him stroke his head. He wouldn’t get that for a while. He held onto the steering wheel, closed his eyes and just breathed deeply. The exhaustion that came over Pat was a combination of the lack of sleep and the emotional rollercoaster from the past week.
He supposed that wouldn’t get much better for a while. Paa had made a list of things he could do to keep distracted and busy. He hadn’t looked at it yet and he didn’t think he’d need it so soon; it had barely been an hour.
He heard squeaky suitcase wheels across gravel and he gasped, eyes shooting open in excitement.
Pran.
It was Pran!
Pran had changed his mind?!
He used his side mirrors to look for his boyfriend in the car park, unable to contain his grin, his heart hammering in his chest at the very idea of Pran giving up his dream job just to stay with him. He opened the car door, ready to jump out to meet him.
But the squeaky-wheeled suitcase didn’t belong to Pran. Pat’s smile dropped slowly, eyes furrowing sadly.
It was just a stranger; he could see them in the passenger side mirror. Pran didn’t change his mind.
Why would he?
He worked hard for an opportunity and he was going to see it through, make the most of it, and be the best at it.
He wouldn’t give that up just for Pat.
Pat wasn't worth it.
“Idiot,” he insulted himself aloud as the stranger got in her car with the suitcase and drove away. His stoic gaze landed on the passenger seat, specifically on Pran’s Friend-Unfriend t-shirt he had placed there after Pran gave it to him earlier. He frowned sadly, bottom lip quivering as he picked it up and held it delicately in both hands. Months ago, when Paa found out about Pran’s Singapore plans, she told Pat; ‘you’re allowed to be selfish Hia, tell him how you feel!’.
So, how did he feel?
He stared at the t-shirt in his hands and gripped it tightly, slowly pushing his nose into it just to smell him and feel near him again. “Baby…” he whispered shakily.
In the grip of devastating pain, Pat folded in on himself, tightly squeezing his legs together as if seeking solace in the physical restraint. His shoulders trembled with each heart-wrenching uncontrollable sob, voice raw as he tried not to splutter over Pran’s t-shirt.
'You are my everything, and I promise you that' Pran had said.
“Please come back to me”
