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He tried closing his eyes and falling back asleep but sleep just wouldn’t come. He looked turned onto his right side. “Maybe that will help”, he thought for what had to have been the 100th time. But before he could close his eyes again. Tsubasa spotted his reflection in the shattered glass of the window of his hospital room. While it hadn’t broken clear breaks in the glass were visible, and in the middle his own face stared back at him.
No, he couldn’t do this right now and almost turned away but stopped himself mid way through. “I’m not admitting defeat.” He said out loud to no one in particular. Defeat by what? No he couldn’t think like that. There was nothing to be afraid of, there was nothing he was fighting. Not the glass, not his feelings of anger and frustrating and especially not his own reflection.
Tsubasa closed his eyes and waited. Nothing happened. No surprise attack, no ranger and also no sleep. It has to be the constant beeping of the hospital equipment, he told himself. How did doctors do that? How did the other patients manage to fall asleep with the constant noises these appliances made? Every time he tried closing his eyes it was like the beeping was drilling into his head. And it was so cold too, despite the fact the nurse had brought him two sets of extra blankets already. It was unbearably cold. Tsubasa is used to travelling including in cold mountain territory but this hospital room seems even more freezing than any of those snowy landscapes he used to camp at.
He opened his eyes only to be greeted by his broken reflection again. The rational part of Tsubasa’s mind was sure that wasn’t the case but every other sense was telling him that the guy in the reflection was grinning at him laughing at his pathetic state of being. The small voice of reason that somehow managed to survive despite everything tried to remind him that he had read somewhere that when you look at your own reflection for too long sometimes it starts distorting. He didn’t listen to that whisper of a voice because for all he knew it hasn’t been long enough for that. But his reflection kept grinning like it had just heard the world’s funniest joke. Is that what he had become to himself? A joke???
“WHO ARE YOU?”
Tsubasa wasn’t sure if he had shouted it out or just thought it and but it didn’t matter because the doctors thought he was crazy anyway so there wasn’t really anything to lose. His reflection seemed more amused by this than anything. A voice in his head Tsubasa recognised as his own replied
“You mean, who am I?”
Said voice may have sounded like Tsubasa but all the inflections were wrong. That’s not the tone he spoke in that’s not a chuckle he would let out. Or would he? Is that what he has sounded like to people all this time? Was that really him? Who was he? Did he even know that anymore? He leaned back onto his pillow now facing forward.
“Who am I?”
He whispered into the empty white hospital room like it could give him an answer.
He opened the drawer to his left. There he found his wallet, badge and his phone. He pulled out the wallet.
“Tsubasa Otori, WBBA Agent” he read form his ID next to a picture of him looking serious. Tsubasa didn’t know why the WBBA guys had told him not to smile while taking the picture but oh well. It made him look like a serious opponent, like there is no messing around just serious business, Yu had told him once while looking at the card. How he got his hands on the wallet is a mystery to everyone but no surprise. Yu was good at these kind of things.
Tsubasa suddenly felt like the weight of the world had settled down on his chest and he found it difficult to breathe. What would Yu think of him? What would he say about finding Tsubasa in this state? Yes he had been here making jokes and laughing a few hours ago when the team came to visit him. But what did Yu actually think of Tsubasa?
Tsubasa remembered the first time they met. He was trying to infiltrate the dark nebula to figure out what their sinister plan was and Yu was his first opponent. Technically not but he was the first one worth remembering. Tsubasa recalled how he had seen the flock of orange-yellow hair show up at the arena and challenge him to a battle. At the time Tsubasa felt insulted? This was the best the dark nebula had to offer? But after Yu almost destroyed the entire building in their battle he had to admit he was impressed. Tsubasa pretended that the kid was nothing more than a nuance but really he had always cared about him and worried for his well being at this shady Organization. And even if he would never admit it, Yu’s antics made Tsubasa laugh, you just couldn’t hate that kid.
But what did Yu think of Tsubasa? At this point he probably thought Tsubasa was a loser to say the least, Yu was probably laughing at himself for ever having lost to Eagle considering its user couldn’t even fight a shard of the past. He probably was secretly laughing at how Tsubasa used to go on and on about how he is gonna defeat Ryuga only for a fraction of the dark power to give Tsubasa a run for his life and hospitalise him more than once. What an unreliable hypocrite!
But if you actually asked Yu, you would get a completely different answer. Yu had always thought that Tsubasa was cool even before they officially met. He had seen his bey battles on TV and been impressed right away. “It must be so fun to battle him.” He had told Doji one day who was too busy admiring his cacti collection he supposedly hated.
Little did Yu know he would get the chance to battle him very soon. And the battle was great. It was the most fun Yu had had in a while. Of course he was mad at first but in the end he was glad that if he had to lose it was to someone with such a unique beyblading style like Tsubasa.
Over time Tsubasa became like a pillar to him. Someone steady he can rely on. And Yu treasured that so much, especially after being let down by the person he considered a brother. But not Tsubasa, no. Despite everything, despite all the pranks he pulled on him , despite all the insults he threw his way, Tsubasa was there for him and protected him even when he didn’t have to, even after Yu spoiled his plan and put him in danger, Tsubasa still welcomed him back with open arms and stayed his friend.
They were supposed to travel the world together, they were supposed to battle side by side in the World Championship but now Tsubasa was in the hospital and Yu didn’t know what to do. He was just a child, he felt powerless to help a person that became so important to him. All he could do was smile and make jokes and stay optimistic so Tsubasa doesn’t worry about him, so Tsubasa doesn’t know how much seeing him like this pains Yu, so Tsubasa doesn’t know how much time Yu stays up at night wondering if his dearest friend will be okay. He had to stay strong because that’s the only thing he could do for his friend at the time. He just had to no matter the cost because that’s what Tsubasa does, stand up for what he believes in and fight no matter how much danger it puts him in. Yu had always admired that about Tsubasa and yet now that he saw his friend suffer dire consequences parts of him wished he had been less reckless, had taken better care of himself. But if he couldn’t do that Yu would. He would become Tsubasa’s pillar he swore to himself he would do his best to give the older blader the safety that was given to him.
Tsubasa didn’t feel safe in his hospital room. Not as long as he felt his reflection staring at him even if he was turned away. He wondered how long this would go on for. For how long he had to endure this nightmare.
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself!”
“At least you can still launch your beyblade.”
The chuckle of his own voice echoed in his head. There was poison in those words. The poison of truth. Because in truth it was right. He could still battle, he was able to continue doing what he’s passionate about and become part of Japan’s representative team. Something he had never imagined to be possible. Something he wasn’t even sure he ever considered.
“But it was hers.”
The voice wouldn’t leave him alone. Not now, maybe not ever.
“I KNOW, I KNOW!”
Tsubasa once again wasn’t sure if he had shouted that out loud. But he knew. He knew it was hee dream. He knew it had always been Hikaru’s dream to stand on top of the beyblade world. He knew that since she was a child she had imagined herself making it to the international championships and winning. But now she couldn’t. When Hikaru joined the WBBA Tsubasa was surprised. He had never imagined that she of all people would give up on battling in the fields and arenas and settling for an administrative job. That wasn’t like her at all. At least what Tsubasa had known of her and her fierce Aquario. But when he one day caught him just holding Aquario with a towel and looking at the blue beyblade with tears in her eyes he understood. He understood that it wasn’t fully her choice, he understood that despite everything this is all she could do in the moment, that this was her way of not giving in and still trying to do what she loved despite what she went through, despite the scars that may never heal that caused her to almost give up forever.
And suddenly the guilt overwhelmed him. His heart started beating like he just ran a marathon. Tsubasa was wondering how the heart monitor alarm didn’t go off yet because to him it felt like his heart would break out of his chest cavity at any minute now.
Hikaru, how could he do this to her, how could he lose control so much it made her flashback to the horrible battle that almost cost her life. If she hated him he would understand because in that moment the guilt he felt overshadowed everything else.
But more than anything Hikaru felt sorry for him because she knew. She knew too well what the dark power does to someone, what marks it leaves, that it comes into you and breaks things inside you that may never be repaired. And Tsubasa hadn’t faced off the dark power just once like she did. No, he had to do it twice and never hesitated. Never wavered no matter how dangerous it was, unlike her who can’t even launch her beyblade properly without shaking, without tremors that would make you think there was an earthquake. She knew he had seen her this one time when she was lost in her own mind remembering what was and what could’ve been but he didn’t comment and Hikaru really appreciated that. She knew he understood, now more than ever. But really she wishes he didn’t. Because Hikaru knew the feeling she wishes no one else would have to experience it, especially not a friend she had grown close to in the last few months.
“This is all your fault, you know.”
The voice didn’t even surprise Tsubasa anymore it just hurt. Because deep down he felt it too. It was his own fault right? Who else’s fault would it be? Ryuga? Maybe it was Ryuga’s fault, maybe if he wasn’t such a selfish asshole this wouldn’t have happened. However Tsubasa couldn’t shift the blame entirely. He wasn’t the only one who’s ever battled Ryuga but he was the only one who turned out like this, he was the only one who started getting violent when he couldn’t manage to win, and whose fault was that? Exactly his own.
“He would laugh so hard if he saw you right now.”
His reflection chuckled amused. And once again Tsubasa couldn’t fight back. Because Ryuga definitely would. Tsubasa was probably as threatening to him as the dirt on his shoe. Ryuga would find this predicament very amusing.
“I dealt with the dark power at full strength and survived you can’t even handle a fraction.”
The dragon blader’s voice was crystal clear on Tsubasa’s mind. And he would have nothing to fight back with, nothing to say or do because he was in the hospital right now while Ryuga was able to take L-Drago and go to who knows where.
If you actually asked Ryuga about Tsubasa he would know who you are talking about which can’t be said for a lot of people really. In retrospect Ryuga had to admit he had some respect for Tsubasa. Fighting him not once, but twice and not running away after the first time was admirable after all. Had Tsubasa won? No, however he had left a good enough impression for Ryuga to remember his name which in Ryuga terms was proportional to saying they were childhood best friends. Yeah, Ryuga was surprised by that too. He hadn’t realized until the Koma village boy that wasn’t Gingka came to him and asked him for help. He had no idea how that guy had tracked him down but just being in the presence of that guy has given Ryuga a weird feeling so he wasn’t surprised. Who in earth introduces himself by saying my name means mountains and also demon or something like that. What does Koma put in the water for its people to be like that? Anyway Ryuga was now on his way to Europe to help out Tsubasa to everyone’s surprise even himself’s which meant that Tsubasa had left a good enough impression for Ryuga to respect him. Especially when it came to the dark power. The dragon blader was impressed the eagle blader hadn’t been entirely consumed by it yet. Most people would’ve crumbled even with just a fraction of the ancient dark power.
To tell the truth, Tsubasa did feel like he was crumbled. Like the weight of the universe was crushing him. Like every time he tried to inhale no air would get in. But he had to fight, he had to keep going. If not for himself then for the team, for Gan Gan Galaxy. For his friends. He couldn’t let them down.
“You already have.”
Couldn’t the voice leave him alone just this once. As much as Tsubasa hoped it wasn’t true he couldn’t help but think that it was. He thought of his teammates, he thought of Yu, Madoka, Masamune and Gingka.
…Gingka…
He had faced Ryuga so much and yet he was still the most forgiving, most cheerful guy Tsubasa had ever met. No matter how much he fought he would never let it bring him down. He must be so disappointed, Tsubasa thought, he must think
“Tsubasa, that guy? No bladers spirit whatsoever.”
Tsubasa couldn’t tell anymore if it was the voice of his reflection or his own voice throwing arrows at him. But really it didn’t matter because after all it was the same exact voice.
Tsubasa wasn’t sure if he believed or understood what Gingka and his father meant with the blader’s spirit at times but in the moment he felt like he didn’t have any. He didn’t feel like he had anything really.
Gingka however was worried. Not because he felt obligated to, not because he was afraid Gan Gan Galaxy might lose the championship. No, he was worried for his friend Tsubasa. He was worried that the dark power would consume him until there’s nothing left. He had witnessed it first hand, he had let himself go, he had let anger blind him and feed the dark power until it was fully reawakened. In reality he still carried some guilt from that. So he understood what Tsubasa might feel, and how when it takes control of you, you start seeing red, like there is only one goal. And that goal is to destroy the person in front of you no matter the cost, no matter what they or even you had to pay.
Gingka was worried but he didn’t let the worry overtake him because he knew that Tsubasa was strong. He trusted his friend and knew that in the end he would prevail but that he had to do it on his own. All they could do is be there for him and let him lean on them. No matter what happened, no matter how bad things get. Because that’s what friends do.
His friends, Tsubasa thought, they were probably better off with him here far away from them, they were better off safe. They were better off…
The dinging of his phone snapped Tsubasa out of his train of thought.
“Hey Tsubasa, it’s past visiting hours but Gingi and I are gonna sneak in and get you some burgers, you better be hungry.”
The text read on the lit up screen right next to a picture of Yu eating an ice cream with the contact name “The greatest blader of all time and legendary hero Yu”
Tsubasa didn’t remember saving Yu’s number with that contact name but oh well. And then it sank in, his friends were coming, probably breaking one law or two knowing Yu, just to be with him, just to spend time with him. But why?
“Hey Tsubasa!”
Gingka’s Voice made him look up. But not only that. It also filled him with warmth. Warmth even the voice of his darkest thoughts couldn’t overshadow.