Archive of Our Own

Dazai woke up to a blinding white light. Was this what people meant when they said don’t go toward the light? But then the light moved and blinded his right eye instead. He tried to move away from the offending light but his body felt like lead. 

“Good response” A voice said, it was deep and a bit shaky. When the light moved away he could see the old man, he was wearing a doctor's coat. “Brain activity looks normal, reflexes are there, pupils dilated” 
Dazai tried to move, all he could do was turn his head a little. It seemed his body didn’t want to cooperate just yet. 
“My name is Yato Igumi” The doctor said “you’re at Yokohama state hospital, take your time orienting yourself” 

The information was confusing. Not in a way that he didn’t understand it, but in a way that didn't make sense. Why would he be at a hospital, no, a state hospital? Mori would never allow that. The only conclusion was that this must be some sort of trap. A strange one at that. 

He managed to straighten up a little to look at the doctor. He didn’t seem menacing, he looked like any normal doctor. That part was actually confusing. There was no part of him that screamed danger. On the other hand he looked pretty nice. But so did Hirotsu and he was a cold-blooded murderer. 

A nurse ran around the bed to help him sit up, he let her.  
“It seems the only damage was to your head” Yato said “Do you know where you are?”
That test Dazai could recognize anywhere, they were checking for brain injury. 
“Yokohama state hospital,” He said. His voice sounded weird, but he chalked it up to misuse. 
“Great” The old man smiled at him “And what’s your name?” 
“Dazai Osamu” He said while he looked around. He was in a small room, it looked like they might still be in the emergency rooms which meant he wouldn’t have been out for long. 
“How old are you?”
“Seventeen” He answered absentmindedly but snapped his attention to the doctor who didn’t react as expected. He stilled for a moment, looked at the nurse with worry. Dazai said something wrong. Something was clearly very wrong. 
“You have a wound on your head” Yato said “It seems it might’ve messed a bit with your memories, I will have to do a few more test” Yato looked at the nurse “Take him to CT and start the cognitive testing” Yato smiled at Dazai then “Don’t worry, we’ll figure out what’s happening” 

Dazai nodded curtly as the doctor left “What year is it?” When she told him the math was made in his mind within a second. He was supposed to be twenty-four. If this was real and not a test, he was supposed to be seven years older. 

The thought made him nauseous. He didn’t think he would have ever made it past eighteen, how did he make it to twenty-four? 

The nurse pitied him. He hated looking at her. 
They tested his brain for a few hours, made sure everything was as it should. Which it was, the only problem being that he had lost seven years of his life. 

He was allowed to walk around then, they made sure there was no damage to his spine and that the wound on his head wasn’t too deep. Which meant he could finally look through his things. It seemed all he had was a beige coat. It was the complete opposite of what he was used to wearing. It was long and warm and had more pockets that he probably needed. He found hidden pockets for random trinkets and items, not all of them useful. The phone was ignored, he didn’t want to know if this was all real, he wasn’t sure what he would do. 
But the doctors let him free, it didn’t seem like he was trapped, it didn’t seem like a test. 

His face was older, a bit skinnier but not in an unhealthy way like his seventeen year old self. His ribs weren’t as visible, his hair looked like it was taken care of. Both his eyes looked back as he inspected himself, it was boring, he looked boring, but it did prove that the doctors weren't lying. 

He asked the Nurse for extra bandages as she went to call his supposed workplace. That he would have a workplace as an emergency contact was ridiculous. This would never happen in the mafia. 

Kenji was a child, he noted. He was filled with energy and happiness, Dazai wanted to break him. 
“Did you hurt your eye?” Kenji asked. 
Dazai didn’t reach for the bandages covering his eye, but he wanted to. Kenji seemed genuine enough, he was really asking. Which simply meant Dazai didn’t cover his eye anymore. 
He shrugged “No, it’s alright now” He pulled it away and dropped the bandages into the trash as they walked out of the hospital. It felt weird walking, as if his legs were slightly too long, slightly out of place. He did his best to get used to it quickly, he couldn't let something like his new body be a hindrance. If he needed to fight anyone he would need to be able to move normally. It didn’t take him long before his hand-eye coordination was back where it should be and he could put his legs exactly where he wanted. 

~||~

The agency building looked old and run down. It looked cheap and mistreated. He followed Kenji up the stairs and into an open area of desks and people. It only took a second for everyone to see him, in that second he had already taken stock of the whole room. 

There were a lot of kids that would be his own age, most of them looked unassuming except for a girl in a kimono with dark eyes. There was a blonde man with a ponytail whose head snapped toward him automatically, he looked annoyed. There was a man probably in his thirties, sucking on a lollipop, looking bored. He wore boring brown clothes, but when their eyes met they were far from boring. 
“Dazai!” The blond called, why was he angry already? He didn’t care to find out. “This better not be another one of your pranks-!” He stomped up to Dazai, went to grab the lapels of his shirt, he easily dodged under the hand and walked up to the older man. 

He stopped in front of the desk, waited for a second as the detective slowly put on a pair of glasses. 
“Dazai Osamu” He presented himself when he had his full attention. He heard the blond screech behind him but still left them alone.
“Edogawa Ranpo,” The man smiled. Dazai inspected him again, he was smart, his eyes understood exactly what was going on.
“I have questions”
“So do I” 
That was fair. Whatever had happened to Dazai must’ve been strange enough that no one here could understand it. Or maybe they were all just stupid. 

“How old am I?” Dazai asked. 
A huge smile spread over the detective's lips “You’re seventeen. Who am I?” 
Dazai eyes flit over the other again. He was childish, but over thirty. He didn’t have an ability related to smarts like he made it seem. Ranpo had known exactly what had been happening since Dazai stepped foot into the room. The glasses were just for show. His feet had been on the desk until Dazai came up to it. He slacked off while the others worked diligently, he wasn’t afraid of any repercussions. The answer was simple. 
“The greatest detective in the world” 
“That's right!” Ranpo grinned. 
“Where do I work?”
Ranpo looked a little disappointed “That’s too easy Mr youngest executive of the port mafia” he pouted “Old you work here, at the Armed Detective Agency” 

Dazai looked at the things on his desk. There were mostly candy wrappers and novels, a few pens spread out, some empty notebooks. 
“And?” Dazai asked. That wasn’t close to enough information. 
“Nope” Ranpo tutted “my turn”
He gave him a deadpan look. Really? It made Ranpo snort.

A woman walked out of a door behind Ranpo, looking Dazai over quickly before taking a seat in a free chair at the edge of his desk. 
“Who is everyone here?” 
Dazai rolled his eyes. That was a stupid question. He looked at the woman with the butterfly pin first. 
“Doctor,” he said. He turned to his right and saw a boy with uneven white hair. He looked worried about the scrutiny but kept his back straight, refusing to let Dazai scare him. It was almost cute. But he looked at Dazai with admiration. “Some sort of protégé?” it came out as a question, the boy nodded quickly. 
“My name is Atsushi”
Dazai shrugged and turned to the blond ponytail behind him, he skipped over Kenji because that was honestly too obvious. The blond walked up to him with something like interest in his eyes. He believed him now. 
Dazai looked him over. They would be the same age, and he had acted overly familiar with him. 
“Partner” He said simply and turned to the girl with the dark eyes “Mafia”
“That's all” He looked back at Ranpo whose eyes were glittering. 
“Your turn,” Ranpo answered.
“When did I last kill someone?” 
Ranpo was surprised at the question but answered nonetheless. “187 days ago”
Dazai nodded, so he hadn’t completely stopped like Odasaku, it made him wonder why he would’ve left the mafia at all if not for him. 

“What's your favorite book?” 
Was he trying to compare old Dazai to young Dazai? Why would he ask that? He had understood since long that they all expected him to act in some way which he didn't. He wondered if that could have something to do with it. 
The detective would know if he lied so he didn’t think he could. 
“The flowers of buffoonery” 
“Okay” Ranpo said and didn’t explain why he wanted to know. The doctor was easier to read. She looked both confused and exasperated. As if Ranpos' antics were normal. It annoyed Dazai that he didn’t understand why he wanted to know, but he didn’t want to waste his question on something like that. 
“Why am I here?”
“Your friends dying wish was for you to be on the good side” 
“Oda?” It made the breath catch in his throat. 
Ranpo nodded. 

“What’s your sexuality” 
“I…” he almost got whiplash from the turn of topic “gay” 
The doctor's eyes widened. Atsushi gasped, the blonde behind him froze. 

Dazai didn’t think. He grabbed the gun from the blonds belt and a pen from Ranpos desk. Before anyone could react the gun was pointed at Ranpo and the pen an inch away from the blond's eye. He stood with one arm stretched toward both of them, glaring at Ranpo. 
“Why did you ask?” He asked darkly. No one had known, Ranpo had wanted to out him for some reason. 
“Fun” The detective said. 

The safety clicked and his finger laid on the trigger. 
“Blondie” He said darkly but didn’t turn his head to look at the man at the edge of his pencil. A door opened and an old man stood in the doorway, he didn’t look away from Ranpo as he spoke to the blond.
“I’m well aware you’re good at MMA, but there is no world in which you could get me down before I shoot, don’t try” 

He studied Ranpo still. No one knew. There were a few reasons as to why that would be but Dazai couldn’t think of anything that made sense, unless he was protecting someone else. But the only person he would ever try to protect- 
“Stand down Kunikida,” The old man at the door said. 
Dazai ignored them. He watched as Ranpos' eyes flickered over him. Even if it was to protect someone it wouldn’t make sense for Ranpo to out him. Ranpo would know. 
“What you’re thinking is correct” Ranpo said “with a slight correction, you want to tell people”
So old Dazai was dating someone. That’s ridiculous. What’s even more ridiculous is that he would be around people he’d want to tell things like that. In a hundred years he didn’t think he could ever… 

“I have a theory,” Dazai said. Ranpos' eyes widened and he yelled out. But he wouldn’t be fast enough. Before he could even stand up Dazai had turned the gun on himself, he placed it under his chin and pulled the trigger. 

He didn’t die. The gun didn’t even go off. 

He looked down at the two parts of the gun, now cleanly sliced in half and lying on the floor. He pouted, he had thought this would happen, but he would’ve rather died. 
The old man is sheeting his blade back into the hilt, Dazai hadn’t even seen it move. 

Dazai had proven in less than five minutes that these people clearly knew him and would try to protect him. It was concerning that they cared so much for him. 

“You idiot” Kunikda hissed and went to grab the hand threatening his eye. Dazai swirled the pen back and put it down on the desk before Kunikida had even raised his own hand. 
Dazai bothered giving him a bored look “I already told you” 

“Dazai-kun” The old man said and opened up the door he came out of previously, it was an invitation. That must be the president then. Dazai simply shrugged and stepped over the gun to follow the president into the next room. 
“Dazai” Ranpo called before he stepped through the door “if you don’t find him, he will find you, and older you will lose out on the experience” 
He nodded and followed the president. He’d figure out all of that later. 

“What did the doctors say about your condition?” The president showed him to a group of couches, he took a seat opposite of him. 
“That I might not ever get my memories back” That sounded negative “But I probably would” 
The president nodded “we are not comfortable with giving you time off” he said “not because you’re forced to work here but-”
“Because I’m gonna kill myself, yes I’ve gotten that” He looked around the room, it was boring, green, old. 
“We care about you, all of us” 
He snapped his eyes back to the man, tried to find a lie, but there was none. How stupid of them. 
“So you want to give me a babysitter?”
“That’s not how I would-”
“But that’s what it is”
The president gave him an icy stare, probably unhappy at being interrupted. An image crossed his mind, of the president being angry. Could he get him angry enough to hurt him?
“I have to find someone” Dazai said with a bored tone “Who do you want me to stay with?” 
“I was thinking Kunikida-kun”
“Absolutely not” 
The president raised an eyebrow, that's the most his expression has changed all this time. 
“Then who do you have in mind?”
He wanted to say Ranpo only so he could ask more questions, but he knew Ranpo wasn’t mature enough to care for someone else. 
“The doctor,” he said instead. 
“Very well” He didn’t let anything show on his face “I will make sure she’s okay with it, can you be back here by 7pm?” 
Dazai looked at the clock, that would be in six hours. “Sure” He stood then. He did believe these people, no one had been lying to him so far. But he wasn’t sure if he would be back. The president gave him a nod and he was dismissed. 

Dazai walked straight out of the agency, not caring for his partner's questions. 

~||~

He thought about what ranpo had said. “if you don’t find him, he will find you, and older you will lose out on the experience” 
He made it sound as if it was something older Dazai wanted. Like something Dazai had looked forward to being a part of. He wondered if it was only to mess with his partner. He looked like someone who would blow up over nothing, much like Chuuya. Would Chuuya still be talking to him? 

That was ridiculous. 

Ranpo expected him to find the person he was dating, without knowing anything about his grown up self. It had to be someone he knew, logically it would be the only person Dazai had ever loved like that. But that should be impossible. Dazai had a ten year plan, it’s only been seven. And don’t forget he had left the mafia. And the fact that he didn’t think he’d survive this long. It shouldn’t be possible. 
He found the phone that was hidden in the beige coat he was forced to wear. Not that anyone forced it onto him, but because he couldn't let people know he wasn’t himself. 

He looked at the phone, stared at the black screen. If this opens with the same password, he decided, if it opens with Chuuyas birthday he would find him. 
He glared at the screen for another few seconds before putting in the passcode. It opened instantly. 

It gave him pause. Seven years, how could he look at a Chuuya that was seven years older than him? He wouldn’t remember everything Chuuya did. 

He looked around the street he was walking along, he wasn’t sure where he was or where he was going. He had just walked. 
But he had his phone. He scrolled through it until he found a contact of slug emojis. 

He had pressed the call button before it even registered in his mind. 

“Mackerel?” Chuuyas voice was deeper, if that was even possible. He wasn’t instantly angry that Dazai called. He hated it. This wasn’t right. It was one thing to meet people he had never seen before, but Chuuya sounding older made everything too real. 
“Can you find me?” He asked eventually, he thought his voice might sound more dead than normal, it made Chuuya pause. 
“Always” he said eventually and the line clicked. 
He pocketed the phone and looked at the street sign. He wondered how Chuuya would find him, but his dog had always been pretty good at that. 

He waited almost ten minutes, he started getting impatient when a car pulled up next to him. He jumped in without checking who the driver was. 
Chuuya pulled away instantly, drove down the road and turned onto another one. 
“What’s happening?” He asked. 
Dazai inspected the other. He wasn’t necessarily taller but he was bigger. He had filled out, his face wasn’t as round. He looked a lot older than he did the last time Dazai saw him. He looked like an actual adult and it made Dazai shudder. He hated it, truly. 

When they stopped at a red light Chuuya looked him over, Dazai recognized that look, he was searching for any injuries.
“Dazai” He said, commanded “Tell me” Those Blue eyes were piercing his. Then his eyes turned confused, he looked Dazai over again, but now he was looking for something else. 
“I hit my head,” He explained. 
Chuuya wasn’t worried, but he was something, he was confused and a little afraid. 
“You’re acting like-” He turned his eyes back on the road, kept driving. 
Dazai didn’t answer, didn’t affirm or deny his suspicions. 

They drove through town. Chuuya didn’t question him further, he accepted they wouldn’t speak until they weren't in a car anymore. They had learnt early to never tell secrets in cars, they weren’t safe.
Chuuya was wearing dark clothes, blacks and grays and browns. He was clearly still in the mafia, still wearing that ridiculous hat. 

Eventually they stopped in front of a building. Chuuya led the way upstairs and into an elevator. Chuuya was inspecting him from the side but didn’t say anything. When the elevator stopped he showed him to an apartment, Chuuya unlocked it and held the door open for him. 
Dazai kicked off his shoes and dropped the coat onto the floor where it belonged. 
“Hey!” Chuuya complained but picked the coat up instead of berating him further. He really had grown up. 

Dazai walked into the living room, saw three bookshelves next to each other filled with books. He walked over to it, looked at the different titles. He saw the book quickly, The flowers of buffoonery, the one Ranpo had asked about. He understood now why he had brought it up, so there would be no doubt in Dazais mind about him and Chuuya. 

“Do we live together?” He asked and turned to Chuuya who was watching him. 
“How many years?” Chuuya asked, he almost looked sad but his eyes were steeled, as if he couldn't trust Dazai with his thoughts. He wondered if he was the same as a twenty-four year old. 
“I’m seventeen” Dazai answered and motioned toward him in turn. 
“Yes we do” 
Dazai nodded and looked back at the books, there must've been hundreds. He didn’t know most of them, at least he could find something to do. 
“The president wants someone to babysit me,” He said. “I’m only here because Ranpo told me to” 
Chuuya walked toward him, stopped next to the bookshelves, next to him. “Why?” he asked. Dazai met his eyes for a second, to understand the actual question. 
“I hit my head, or someone hit me-” he shrugged “the doctor said it would probably come back, maybe not” 
Chuuya took a slow breath. Seven years ago he would’ve started yelling already. He would’ve been angry at Dazai for being stupid enough to get hit, for leaving him to remember things for the both of them. Dazai had no doubt Chuuya still felt these things, maybe he was just better at masking them. 
“I need a drink” He muttered and walked away, into what would be the kitchen. Dazai could admit he was a bit curious. How had he managed to get Chuuya to live with him? They were supposed to hate each other.

He walked after the other into the kitchen, saw Chuuya uncork a bottle of wine with his ability and pour it into a glass. 
“Why are we living together?” 
Chuuya swirled the wine, gave him a deadpan look “Why do people live together?” 
“Do you like me?”
“Do you?” Chuuya glared at him. He then closed his eyes and turned his head away “Sorry, you can ask whatever the fuck you want, go ahead” 

Dazai opened his mouth and closed it again. Their relationship was never like this. Whatever they did was always a transaction, it had to be even. If one wanted something the other needed something in turn. They didn’t give things freely. Dazai wanted to test it. He needed to. Something like power coursed through his veins, Chuuya never gave him anything for free. 
“What do you think of the doctor?”
Chuuya turned toward him again, he leaned against the kitchen island and Dazai took a seat on the other side. 
“She’s cool” He said eventually “Very expensive taste in everything, which is sad considering your guys’s salaries” 
“So you know her?”
“We’ve only talked during missions” He said “But I don't distrust her if that's what you’re getting at?” 
Dazai shrugged. “Babysitting duties” He explained “is Mori alive?”
“Yeah”
He made a face “And we’re dating?” 
“As if id let Mori do anything to either one of us” 

That gave Dazai pause. Younger Chuuya, his Chuuya, worshiped the ground he walked on. This Chuuya sounded like he’d get into a fistfight with Mori over… him? 
Dazai tilted his head, watched as Chuuya took a sip. His hair was shorter than it used to be. It was still uneven but not as obviously. 

“What’s my favorite book?” 
“The Bell Jar” 
Dazai would have to read that. It felt unfair, that for once he knew so little, usually Chuuya would be the one who had to catch up. 
“Why can’t I stay here?” He knew the answer already, he just wanted someone else to say it. 
“Because they don’t know we’re together, I’m guessing they dont trust you to not kill yourself, which” Chuuya nodded to himself “is totally fucking fair” 

Dazai felt as if he was out of his depth. Chuuya was so calm. He was so far from the explosive teenager he knew. It didn’t seem like no matter what he asked he’d have the upper hand. It was strange, he hated it. 
Blue eyes pierced into his then, Chuuya leaned an arm over the island, watching Dazai closely. He wondered how good Chuuya would be at reading him, would things have changed after all these years? Would it be different because he wasn’t seventeen anymore? 
“I tried to kill myself today” Dazai admitted, just to see the flash of hurt in Chuuyas eyes. “Sadly didn’t succeed” 
Chuuya didn’t comment, but his eyes grew a little softer, almost nostalgic, as if living in a memory. 
“If you ever want to kill yourself again you can call me, as you saw today I will drop anything for you”
And Dazai did believe him. He didn’t fully understand it, but he didn’t doubt him. Dazai didn’t think he would kill himself. Not in a while. Everything that's happening right now was interesting, it made him want to find out everything he possibly could. When he did he probably would kill himself, but first he needed to know everything. 

“I happen to know you liked me at seventeen” Chuuya said then, he straightened up and took a sip of his whine, he looked smug. He wanted to wipe that grin off his face. “I happen to know you had a ten year plan” He placed the glass next to him on the counter, grinned “Do you want to know what happened?” 
Dazai looked between the glass and Chuuya, saw his confidence, and wanted to drown in it.

Dazai nodded.

Chuuya placed both hands on the island between them, leaned forward to meet Dazais eyes head on. 
“I happened” He said darkly with a large grin “You’re an idiot if you think I would ever wait for you, don’t you know me better than that?” 
He forgot to breathe for a second or a few. 
“I do” he opened his mouth to say something more, but nothing came out. Chuuyas grin turned feral. 
“And?” He pushed. 
He didn’t know what to answer. His eyes widened slightly, he had never not known what to say to someone. There was no way in which he could get out of this on top. Chuuya had cornered him so easily, just to prove he could.

“I hate you,” He whispered. 
Chuuya laughed out loud and leaned back, his eyes turned soft again, warm and calm and pretty. Dazai hated him. He really did. 
“You better get your memory back” Chuuya said “I went through a lot to get us here”
“Is that why Chuuya is day drinking?” 
“Nah, I took the day off to take care of you, so might as well right?” 
Dazai leaned back, studied his chibi. “Where’s my drink?”
“You’re seventeen”
“Chuu” He deadpanned. Even if his body hadn't been twenty-four he had still been drinking since he was fifteen. 
“Fine,” He muttered and put down a tumbler in front of him. He didn’t even ask what he would want, just poured some amber liquid on top of an ice cube. Did Chuuya always know him this well? 

“How did we get together?” he looked at the whiskey in his glass, it reminded him of Odasaku. A few days ago he had been drinking with them, and today he was dead. His feelings felt disconnected from his mind. It didn’t feel real, he hadn’t seen it happen.
“Is that what you want to know?”
“Chuuya knows me too well”
Chuuyas hip was leaning against the island, he casually drank from his wine as he watched him. “I can tell you if you want to know”
“I do” 
Chuuya nodded “well once upon a time I defeated a dragon, turned into a vampire and almost died at least three more times” He said “After all that I got tired of waiting for you to make any useful plans and took it into my own hands”
Dazai had so many questions.
“I showed up at your dorm, told you I wasn’t gonna wait forever then kissed you until you started crying”
“I would never!” Dazai exclaimed, completely offended. 
“Oh trust me you would, several times” 
“I-” He closed his mouth with a pout, took a sip instead of looking at the chibi. The liquid was warm, spicy, and good. 
“Don’t think too much about it” Chuuya smiled “I was a mess in other ways, neither of us ever knew how to thread things like love” 
Dazai pouted slightly. “Then what?”
“Then we argued, and fought and oh my god the amount of times we had to learn how to talk to each other” Chuuya was smiling to himself “Communication is difficult when it comes to important things, but nowadays I’d say we’re pretty good at it”
“Because you would drop everything to pick me up”
“I would” 

Dazai met his eyes. Saw the smile and the warmth. He wanted something like this, he wanted his memories back. 
“I can ditch the agency” He said “Ranpo will know I’m with you” 
“And what will he say? That you’re with your boyfriend?” 
Dazai shrugged. He knew he couldn't, Ranpo had told him not to. Because his older self, with all the memories, wanted to. 
“Sweetheart” Chuuya smiled with his eyes “You’re too young to make decisions like these” 
“I’m smarter than every person in this city”
“And yet you still don’t understand” 
“I do understand, it’s just stupid”
“That’s not what matters” 

Chuuya was stupid he decided. Why would he be on Ranpos' side? Why would he care at what age Dazai was at when he experienced things? 
“You won’t feel the same things now as you would in seven years” Chuuya explained “You wouldn’t appreciate it in the same way, or understand it” He smiled softly at Dazai “I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m saying the older you learnt how to want things along the way” 
He took a drink from the whiskey. It didn’t seem plausible, but he could tell Chuuya wasn’t lying. 

“Do you still have the xbox?” 
Chuuyas grin turned feral again. They spent the next few hours drinking and playing video games. 

~||~

He wasn’t exactly drunk. He was probably far from it, but he was a tiny bit tipsy when he found his way back to the agency around 7pm. He wondered if the doctor would have agreed to actually babysit him. Her eyes would turn hard sometimes, she had been through a lot. It wouldn't surprise him if she was completely against taking care of people. 

“You’ve had alcohol” She said as they stopped in front of each other, in the middle of the agency. 
“I’m twenty-four”
“Legally”
He tilted his head at her, gave her the question of ‘so what?’. 
“Whatever lets go”

She led him out and to another building further away which looked like dorms. It was. Hers wasn’t that small, but they would have to share a room.

“So” She said, when she had shown him the single room with a small kitchen and a small bathroom. “Where did you get alcohol?” 
“Apparently I have a boyfriend” He said “But it seems you knew that already”
She rolled her eyes “No adult would willingly give you alcohol, did you lie about your memory loss?”
He snorted, maybe he did feel the alcohol a little “Not at all, he knows I’ve been drinking since fifteen”
Her shoulders sagged then, she wasn’t surprised.
“Were you in the mafia?” He asked, she looked like she could've been, but her eyes weren't as dark as that other girls. 
“No, but I worked under Mori” 
“What's your ability?”
Her purple looking eyes pierced his, she fell down onto her futon, glared at him. “I can heal any lethal wound”
“Oh” Dazai sat down opposite of her, on the tatami mat with his legs crossed “You’re the angel” 

“I never knew you knew that”
Dazai shrugged, he studied her, the tense shoulders and clawed hands “I wouldn’t have told you if it made you uncomfortable” He scoffed “believe it or not but I don’t enjoy talking about Mori if I don’t have to”
“You haven’t even left the mafia yet” She pointed out “Shouldn't you still be on his side?” 
“I’m on other peoples sides” He explained “but me and Mori were never friends, he’s always been afraid of me”
Her eyebrows raised but she looked almost impressed. “Why's that?”
“I’ll answer if you open the bottle of whiskey you’re hiding in your wardrobe” 

She looked between him and the wardrobe, and considered it. She wasn’t even surprised he knew, maybe she was used to him, or Ranpo. 

Eventually she motioned to it and Dazai reached back to grab the bottle. 
“He thinks I will take over,” Dazai admitted in a sign of good faith. She gave him a plastic cup which he filled with the liquid. “He doesn’t know yet I never would” 
“Why’s that?”
“Because I prefer leading from the side” he said “Chuuya will be boss one day, my plan was always to support him”
“But you’re in the agency now”
He drank from the cup “plans change” He then grinned at her, the smile never reaching his eyes “Now it’s my turn to ask questions” 

~||~

He sat in the agency the next day. His body was hungover, which was absolutely not fair because he never got hungover at his age. 
The only good thing was that Yosano looked worse and that gave him enough strength to get through the day. He still wanted to spend the day somewhere else, but he couldn’t let everyone else know. 
He thought about ways to get his memory back, he considered just hitting his head against something very hard, could that work? He would ask Yosano but she was not in the mood to talk to people at all. 

Atsushi was nervous, which seemed like a normal thing. He had looked constipated all day. In a way that he obviously wanted to ask Dazai something but didn't dare possibly anger him. Which was weird, Dazai did not get angry, he couldn't imagine his older self being angry either. Which meant it must've been past abuse. Dazai would care if he could, instead he ignored the guy and suffered on his own. 

He spent the day daydreaming. And the other half of the day reading The Bell Jar. For some reason the agency people were surprised to see him read. And honestly that was completely ridiculous, he had seen the bookcase at Chuuyas. Dazai never stopped reading, why would these people think he didn't? Did he constantly play stupid around here? That was his absolute worst character.

It annoyed him. He wanted to know what to do to keep people from looking at him. All he wanted was to read his adult versions favorite book. But he couldn't, because people's eyes kept flitting toward him every other second. He was at the edge of his rope. He was hungover and unhappy, he wanted to jump out the window head first. 

He called Chuuya. Chuuya answered quickly, he was in his office it seemed, so at least he was alone. 
“Yes?” He asked. 
“Tell me something” 
Chuuya did. He didn’t even question the strange request, he just told Dazai about a tentacle monster and about a vampire pandemic. He kept his eyes on his book, making sure not to look at the others as he listened to Chuuyas stories.

“What is it?” Chuuya asked eventually. 
Dazai scoffed, he held the phone between his shoulder and ear as he flipped the page, he had managed to get through a whole page in between Chuuyas ramblings. 
“Something about monsters in the midst of humans”
“If you ask me to I will crush the agency to the ground”
“You won't” 
“Why not?”
“Because Ranpo said not to” He could feel more eyes on him. The only people who left him alone were Ranpo and surprisingly Kunikida. He hated their eyes. But he wasn’t allowed to leave so what was he supposed to do? He sunk down into his seat. 

“Where is Ranpo?”
“He’s here”
“Let me talk to him”
Dazai furrowed his eyebrows. “Why?” 
“You wanted help didn’t you?”
“I never said that”
“Let me talk to him”
Dazai pulled in a deep breath and got up, he walked over to Ranpos desk, gave him a quick glare and stretched the phone out to him. 
Ranpo looked between him and the phone twice before accepting it. 
“This is me,” He said. 

Dazai watched as his expression went from surprise to petulance to what could only be described as a smirk. 
“Sure thing!” He hung up the phone and gave it to Dazai. “We’re gonna play games!”
Dazai raised an eyebrow at him. “That’s the conclusion?” He asked, “Games?”
“Yep!” 
Dazai shook his head but pulled a chair to sit at the opposite side of the desk. Ranpo cleared it off until there was only a small bowl of candy in the very middle. 
“This is me we’re talking about,” Ranpo said proudly. He reached under his desk, pulled out a stack of board games and smacked them down on the desk, then another stack and another. There must've been ten different games at least, Dazai didn’t think they would all fit on the desk. 
“We’re playing all of them, at the same time, with timers of course”
His eyes widened slightly, that did actually sound like a little fun. There were some typical games there like chess and go, but then there were others, like cluedo, onitama and yahtzee. If they played all of them at the same time he could only imagine the chaos. 

Against his will a small grin slowly stretched across his lips. He would beat Ranpo easily, he was great at multitasking. 
“We’re gonna flip for who starts” Dazai said “For each game” or it won't be fair. 
“Of course” Ranpo said as he rummaged through the drawers “I don’t have enough timers, I need people's phones!” He called to the whole agency. Soon enough they had a bunch of phones to help as well. 
“Yosano!” Ranpo called “You’re not doing anything, come help us!”
The doctor came out of her room a second later, looking a slight bit pissed at being interrupted. Though if Ranpo was right she really wasn’t doing anything, and he was always right. She helped them fold out game boards and set up each game. 

“You've never played anything with me,” Ranpo said after a few minutes. “I assumed you didn’t want to”
“I usually win too easily,” He admitted. “I haven't played a game like these in years” 
Ranpo nodded “too bad you won't win today” 
“There's ten games, we could draw,” he pointed out.
“If we draw Yosano will come up with a tiebreaker”
Dazai snorted, “I’ll win that as well” 

The games were finally set up after a while. Some games had ten second timers that started over from the beginning whenever someone made a move, some had a countdown that paused when it was the other player's turn. Most of them had a thirty second countdown, mostly so that they would even have time to move other pieces on other games. The ten second timer was for a puzzle, which was one of the most interesting things they were doing. It was only a hundred pieces, but they'd have to place a piece every ten seconds, if they failed even once they lost. 

Dazai loved it. He couldn't stop for even a second to think about anything other than the games. His mind was filled with strategies and plans, hundreds for each game they played. Yosano sat there and pretended to be a judge, though they wouldn’t ever need her. Neither of them would ever fail at a timer. 

“You’re white” Ranpo said and motioned to the chess board “When you move we start” Dazai looked between everything, every game and every competition. Yosano was ready to press four timers at once, they had called Atsushi over to press another four, Ranpo was ready with the rest. 
“I hope you win” Dazai grinned and moved the first chess piece. Everything moved in a controlled chaos after that. Dazai moved to the puzzle and put down the first piece before going to the cards and then back to the puzzle and back to the chess. Ranpo went along with it easily. They moved in a symphony of destruction. The agency watched on in utter fear as him and Ranpo completed every game without one single timer going off. When it was done he didn't win, but he was proud. They had managed it. Dazai hadn't been sure it was possible. 

Dazai thought his own eyes might be sparkling when he looked at Ranpo after. 
“Again” he said. This time he would beat him for sure. 

~||~

Dazai never did beat him, but he was close, and he thought with a few alterations he really could. He wanted to get to the point where it wouldn't matter how smart they were, where it would only matter of who went first, or who was white in chess. At that point he could know for sure he won. Until then he would keep trying. 

The next day Dazai sat at his desk, reading The Bell Jar. He had gotten over halfway. 
When his head started hurting horribly. The doctor had said it might happen. The sentence he was reading repeated in his head over and over again: ‘ The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along, I simply hadn't thought about it.’
He groaned quietly. He didn’t want the others to know he was in pain, but it hurt so bad he had to grab onto his head to keep it up. The quote repeated like a mantra in his head. He didn’t know why this single sentence was what jump started his mind, but it did. 

Within seconds of people asking if he was okay, the pain stopped.

He breathed heavily, he was staring at the sentence with his hands fisting his hair. If he believed in gods he would ask them why the fuck that was it. Why, in this book he had read a hundred times, why was this what would help him, this single quote that he only related to because of how miserable his life had been. 

He wanted to cry and laugh and jump out a window. But he couldn’t. Instead he let his hair go and relaxed his arms. He had to look up, he knew this. He’d have to look up and see the worried faces of the agency members and tell them exactly why they should never worry about him. Because he was fine. He had things that kept him here, even if it didn’t look like it. 

He as a seventeen year old hadn’t been much, he had been an empty shell that could be filled by the people around him. Whatever they wanted he would do, no matter what he thought. 
But somewhere along the way Ranpo had figured out what to do, Chuuya had figured out what to do. Even Yosano, who didn’t understand him at all, had figured out a way to take care of him when he didn't understand anything himself. 

He looked up from his desk, saw their worried faces and Ranpos grinning one. 
“Welcome back!” He said. 
“I’m so not waiting” Dazai told him, ignored everyone else “That was the absolute worst”
Ranpo laughed heartily, “you don't have to” 
“No offense Yosano-Sensei” He said and smiled at the doctor “It was nice staying with you” 
“I’m not completely following, but I'm also not offended so” She shrugged. 
“I take it your memory is back” Kunikida crossed his arms. 
“Why aren't you happier?” Dazai pouted “And here I was gonna introduce you to my boyfriend”
Kunikida spluttered “not during working hours!”
“Oh don’t worry” Dazai hummed and brought out his phone “I’m going home”
“You should rest,” Yosano agreed, ignoring Kunikidas complaints. 

He called the number with lots of slugs emojis for a name. 
“Yes?” Chuuya answered within a few seconds. 
Dazai couldn't help a small smile “can you find me?”
“Yeah…” Chuuya said then, “Always” The line clicked. 

“Is this a good opportunity to tell people I’m dating a guild member?” Ranpo asked. 
Dazai hummed “Wasn’t that obvious?” 
But everyone else stared at Ranpo in shock and confusion. So maybe it wasn’t. 
“You Are what!?” Kunikida exclaimed. But he tried to calm himself down, he wasn't supposed to get angry at Ranpo, no one ever was. 
Kenji patted Kunikida on the shoulder unhelpfully, he still looked like he was about to blow a fuse. Dazai grinned widely. 

It took less than five minutes today. Chuuya casually walked through the door to the agency. No one pulled out their weapons, stunned at his confidence in walking into enemy territory. 

Dazai watched his every step until they were in front of each other. 
“Your memory is back huh?”
Dazai grinned, bent down a little to meet Chuuya eye to eye “Good as always”
“Too bad” Chuuya teased “I liked young you”
“Gross chuuya”
“You- Oh my god!” Chuuya pushed him away forcefully and showed him the finger. Dazai laughed, but he was happy. Things were back as they should.

“I hope you won,” Chuuya said to Ranpo, whose eyes were sparkling. 
“Three times!”
Dazai glared at Chuuya then Ranpo “You won against someone half your age” he pointed out 
“I’m not that old!” 
Dazai stuck out his tongue at the other.

Before he could even be annoyed with Chuuya, said man stepped into his space and placed a hand on his hip. 
“Let's go?”
He met his eye with a warm smile, he was ready to sleep for days. He didn't ever want to think about his younger self again, he pitied him. 
“Yeah, let’s” 

They left the agency and all its spluttering, confused, idiots behind.

Some days later Ranpo would force him to play all the games with him again. This time the games were decided as soon as they flipped for who started each one. It turned more into a game of chance. But it was still fun, and Ranpo was frustrated that he couldn’t win as easily. 

The agency easily accepted Chuuya soon enough, things turned out as they always were supposed to.