Work Text:
“Have you ever been hugged by a boy?”
Shigeo’s attention was tugged away from her math homework. Not that that was a challenging task, but this would’ve caught her attention even if it was the latest issue of her favorite manga. Hanazawa and she sat in the living room of Hanazawa’s apartment, like they’ve done dozens of times before. Sometimes they hung out so often it felt like they finally ran out of things to say, resulting in quiet days like these where they both did their own thing together. Shigeo quietly loved those days. Her gaze met Hanazawa, who was wearing an odd expression. Shigeo never had been the best at reading expressions, but if she had to guess, she would call it “genuinely curious in an insincere way.” Hanazawa was resting her head on the table, arms cradling her face as she stared back. Mob wished she understood her friend better sometimes, but it wasn’t exactly odd for two girls to discuss boys.
It’s just that, well, they’ve never done it before.
“Tsubomi and I would hug when we were younger. Tome and I hug to say goodbye sometimes.” She answered honestly. It wasn’t a secret that Mob’s lovelife was lacking, though she tried not to be insecure about it.
“What? That can’t be right. Have you never been hugged romantically?” Hanazawa questioned again, lifting her head slightly so she could lean forward. Some of her bangs fell in her face. Hanazawa’s hair had grown back perfectly.
“No, not at all.” She admitted, turning her attention back to her homework to appear disinterested. She was sure Hanazawa knew this already. What’s the difference between just hugging and hugging romantically, anyway? Try as she might to not be insecure, it was hard to help it. She had tried, after all, to confess to Tsubomi, though he turned her down. They were friends still, she didn’t need to know what it was like to be hugged-
“Do you want to try it out?” Hanazawa asked with a certain lightness to her voice. Shigeo looked towards her friend once again, who was now sitting up slightly. The pause spurred Hanazawa to continue her explanation.
“I mean, it’s probably not good to go out there without any experience!” Hanazawa continued, a somewhat strained smile on her face, “But I could show you. I dated lots of guys in middle school, I know how they do it.”
It made logical sense. She hadn’t wanted to admit to being insecure… but maybe this could help?
“What’s the difference between normally hugging someone and… romantically hugging someone?”
Hanazawa scooted closer, placing herself next to Shigeo on the floor. They were almost side by side, with Hanazawa turned slightly to face her. Shigeo mirrored her, adjusting her long skirt as she shifted herself.
“That’s easy! You can tell the difference by how someone does it. This is a normal hug.” Hanazawa leaned in and hugged her like many others have before. Arms around her upper back, a quick pat, and pulling away once again. It was oddly similar to how Tsubomi had hugged her in the past, or Ritsu when she was feeling particularly sentimental. She was about to voice these thoughts, but Hanazawa was already talking again. “This is more like what a romantic hug is like-”
It was different.
She felt her friend’s arms slowly snake around her waist. Hanazawa pulled her close, and for a moment Shigeo suddenly felt too stiff. Hanazawa gave a reassuring smile, allowing one hand to move up and guide her head to rest on her shoulder. Shigeo, having no idea what to do with her hands, allowed them to rest against Hanazawa’s shoulders. She felt Hanazawa lean her own head against her, and suddenly she understood. Slowly, she relaxed into the hold, refusing to move too much unless she break the moment. A funny, nervous feeling stirred in her stomach, and despite feeling closer to her best friend than most, she suddenly felt the intimacy was different. She shrunk against her slightly, feeling the need to hide her face with how warm it felt. Hanazawa rubbed small circles on her back, and by the time Shigeo had her wits about her again, she wondered if she was meant to break the moment first.
Gently, she pulled away. Hanazawa followed suit. Parting was different as well, the hands on her back withdrew slowly, as if reluctant to let go. Shigeo found it hard to look her friend in the face despite doing so so many times in the past.
“W-Well,” Hanazawa spoke up, seeming to rush back over to her homework. She was smiling. “Now you know, so if someone hugs you like that it’s more like a romantic hug.”
Kageyama nodded, going back to her homework as well. This time, the numbers seemed to make even less sense. Homework might be hopeless after all.
–
Normally, physical contact wasn’t Shigeo’s strong suit. Most days it exhausted her, so she avoided it.
‘Hugging romantically’ was different. It stuck in her mind at the most inconvenient times. Being bored in class meant time to daydream, and that constantly kept wandering back to that evening. It certainly didn’t help with the want for a relationship, though she hadn’t had any crushes recently.
It was just the physical contact, Shigeo had decided. She missed being treated so gently. She wondered if maybe Hanazawa felt the same way. They were in year two of high school, it’s been a while since Hanazawa went on a date- or showed interest in anyone who confessed to her. Maybe she also just missed it.
It would explain why the nature of their hugs changed from then on. They were slower, more gentle, as if there was some deeper meaning behind each one. Shigeo found herself unbothered by the change.
—
“Have you ever been held by a boy?”
Hanazawa asked one day after school. Shigeo had just finished her shower. Hanazawa was gracious enough to let her borrow her bathroom on days after her club. It saved them both time if she headed directly to her apartment rather than stopping at her own place first. She was in the middle of drying her hair with a towel when Hanazawa asked, causing her to stand up straight and look at her.
“Is there a difference between being held by a boy and being hugged by a boy?” According to the time Hanazawa hugged her, she felt… fairly held, she supposed. Hanazawa had her arms around her, after all.
“Of course. A hug is just wrapping your arms around someone, being held is entirely different. You’re not really being held unless you’re sitting on their lap while they hold you.” Hanazawa explained, matter of factly. Somehow, this logic felt a little flawed. Besides, the question felt silly for Hanazawa to ask- if Shigeo was never hugged by a boy romantically, then why would she have been held by one? She hummed as she hung up the towel, running fingers to tame her wet hair.
“Then… No, not at all.”
It seemed that Hanazawa was internally debating something. Shigeo felt her chest tighten slightly, feeling as if she knew where this was going.
“Well, it could be good to get some practice. You could be taken off guard by being held by a boy for the first time- if you do it now with me then you can know what to expect.” Hanazawa explained, appearing stiffly casual.
Kageyama looked back at the mirror. Her hair was mostly in the right place, it’d dry well. That had to be the best part of having short hair, it didn’t stay wet long. She didn’t like the feeling of wet hair.
Mind made up, Shigeo moved to sit on the edge of the couch next to Hanazawa. She paused, playing with the sleeves of her sweater.
“How… Would I…”
Hanazawa grinned, holding her hands out to gesture her closer. Shigeo moved, placing herself between Hanazawa’s legs. Her own legs hung over one of Hanazawa’s thighs, resting on the couch. She felt the now familiar arms curl around her again, pulling her gently to rest against her chest.
This was different too.
Whereas the hug had an expectation to end, Shigeo felt like she could sit there until her hair was dry. Hanazawa gently ran a hand up and down her upper arm, and suddenly Shigeo felt the fatigue from the day creep up on her. She rested her weight on Hanazawa, allowing one arm to loosely hold her in return. This earned her a little sigh from the blonde, and Shigeo kind of liked how different it sounded with her ear pressed up against her chest. Before long Hanazawa was playing with her hair slightly. It would be easy to fall asleep here. It was much warmer. She bet if they pulled a blanket over each other and turned on a movie that they could stay this way forever.
Eventually, Hanazawa’s leg began to cramp, and the moment was gone again. There was a reluctancy to stop, but it didn’t feel right to continue either.
Shigeo helped Hanazawa cook dinner that night before she went home. They stood closer than usual, she noted.
—
It was the summer before their third year of high school.
Shigeo had brought her stuff for a sleepover at Teru’s place.
Teru.
It took a longer time than what was probably necessary, but over the summer Hanazawa had finally put her foot down and insisted that Shigeo call her Teru, like everyone else she was close to.
“You are my best friend, after all.” She explained, “It just doesn’t make sense to hold off the first name basis for much longer.”
Shigeo took a moment to process that, before nodding. “I’d like you to call me Shigeo, in that case.” She liked it best when she and Teru were on equal footing. Teru once admitted that back in middle school, she’d begun to idolize Shigeo a bit, but grew out of it. That came as a surprise, as Shigeo distinctly remembered their first meeting. Teru insisted that Shigeo was below her, going to any length to prove it as well. She supposed that insecurity made sense why Teru might see herself as beneath. It was only all the more important to Shigeo that it was clear they were equals in every way.
Besides… She found herself not minding calling her Teru.
According to Teru, the best part about sleepovers were the fashion shows. Shigeo honestly wasn’t sure if this was a regular occurrence at all sleepovers, but it definitely happened at Teru’s. She didn’t have any other sleepovers to reference to disprove this. It didn’t matter though, they were fun.
Teru always had insane outfits and makeup styles she wanted to show off. Sometimes she’d even let Kageyama try on a few outfits. Kageyama had to admit- part of her loved being dressed up, though she wasn’t willing for the makeup yet.
Clothes littered the floor as the dress up game came to an end. Teru laid on the bed, wearing a yellow and red skirt with a frilly white top. White stockings, yellow leg warmers, and an orange cardigan completed the look. Her hair was loose, and she wore sun shaped earrings. It was no wonder so many boys would confess to Teru. Objectively, she was beautiful. Shigeo gingerly sat on the side of the bed, doing her best not to disturb her friend. Teru had put her in a dark purple long skirt, matched with an ice-blue button up, a purple bow sat loosely around her neck. The skirt had very faint star patterns, so Teru put a blue star clip in her hair.
“I made it so we match.” Teru admitted, proudly. Shigeo looked over at the mirror again, studying her own outfit before looking back. Her eyes trailed over her outfit, it made Teru look away.
“We do match. We go together.” Shigeo agreed, a small smile on her lips. It was another one of those moments. They’d both get quiet. Shigeo would feel like Teru would be on the verge of saying something important, so she wouldn’t speak, but normally Teru would change the topic to something else. The room felt small, the lamp lighting and fairy lights almost adding to the anticipation. Just as Shigeo was sure that she’d change the topic-
“Have you ever been cuddled by a boy?” Teru asked, quietly.
Her thoughts ceased to wander, almost taken off guard.
“Is it different from being held by a boy?” She asked, already moving closer to lay down next to Teru on the bed.
“Of course. You both hold each other.” Teru explained. It was her turn to look Shigeo up and down, and the feeling deep in Shigeo’s stomach returned.
“Then no, not at all.” Teru smiled as she turned to face her fully, “But if you want, it’s always good to practice these sorts of things.” Lifting a hand up, painted nails brushed stray strands of hair away from her forehead. The hand moved down, taking its place on Shigeo’s waist and pulling her closer. Shigeo scooted over, allowing herself to be led. Teru fitted her into a comfortable embrace, and Shigeo followed suit, resting her hands on Teru’s lower back as she snuggled her head up against her chest. Teru’s legs did their best to tangle between Shigeo’s. It was different, Shigeo doubted they could get any closer physically even if they tried.
Physical contact wasn’t always easy for Shigeo. But in these moments she found it to be something she desired. Teru somehow had the skill of making it easy. She listened to her heartbeat, realizing just how late it had become. She found herself playing with Teru’s hair absentmindedly, and it was the last thing she remembered before dozing off.
When she woke up, (in bed, mind you, not a futon) she was upset to realize she had just slept in her clothes, without brushing her teeth, and outside of her own space. It was uncomfortable and she certainly felt grosser than usual. At some point in the night, she had shifted to face away from Teru, and blinked her eyes lazily trying to process what had happened. She moved slightly with intention to get up, only for arms around her waist to tighten as her back was pulled against Teru’s chest. It made her almost embarrassed again, finding just how much she enjoyed being held.
“Just five more minutes…” Teru groggily complained. Shigeo relaxed against her. Five minutes could be fine.
—
About halfway into their third year of high school, Shigeo was asked out on a date.
Yamato Aizen.
He was a nice boy, and fairly handsome. She didn’t know him super well, but he was never rude either. Teru plagued her mind. Maybe it would be good for her. She couldn’t seem to get rid of this notion of having a romantic relationship. Ever since Teru introduced her to the idea of it, she found herself yearning. So maybe she didn’t know Yamato very well, that was fine. Maybe they’d get to know each other, maybe she’d finally settle into a relationship, and maybe she’d stop thinking about it so hard. Besides, it was incredibly flattering to be asked out in the first place.
She agreed to a walk in the park and a trip to a cafe.
As she got ready, Ritsu sat with her in the bathroom, determined to quiz her on every aspect of the guy.
“How long have you know him?”
“Mm… I only just met him this year.”
“What kinda clubs is he in?”
“He’s in the chess club, I think. Or maybe it was the movies club…”
Ritsu clicked her tongue. Apparently that was the wrong answer. It was hard to get Ritsu to approve of anyone, though, so Shigeo didn’t let it bother her.
“Text me if you want to leave. I’ll make up an excuse.” Ritsu stated, apparently determining already that this date wasn’t going to go well. Shigeo couldn’t help but smile. In the past, she thinks this would’ve concerned her, but now she can’t help but find humor in her little sister's protectiveness.
“Thank you, Ritsu, I know I can rely on you.” Shigeo reassured, happy to see her sister seem to bask in the praise.
“... Nee-san, what did Hanazawa say about the date?” Ritsu asked, tilting her head. Shigeo recognized her tone, but couldn’t decipher why it was being used. It meant Ritsu was being cautious about something.
“Teru was happy for me.” That’s what Teru had said. She had paused, pure shock on her face for about five minutes straight as she processed the news. There was also a lot of odd laughter from her, mentioning that she was proud that she finally found someone. Teru didn’t invite her up to her apartment after they walked together that day. Shigeo frowned. She figured that she would’ve wanted to know, had she said something weird? Teru had texted her later on reassuring her that she just needed time to do homework.
Teru had given her a friendship hug when she left that day.
—
The date was… fine.
They walked around and talked about school. Shigeo didn’t really want to talk about school, it was boring and oftentimes stressed her out to be reminded of assignments she was procrastinating. The only times she liked talking about it is when she was getting help from Ritsu or Teru. But it was fine, Yamato seemed passionate about it, so she was happy to listen.
She also learned a lot about her date. He was new to Pepper High, but was in student council at his old school. He didn’t plan to join the student council at Pepper, though, as he didn’t like the responsibilities. He had three brothers. He used to swim. He enjoys teriyaki chicken more than any other flavor. Information stacked on top of each other and honestly Shigeo had no idea what to do with it.
They held hands while they walked, and she felt the prickly feeling she got sometimes when touching someone. She should’ve brought gloves- it was cold enough to excuse it, and having clothes separate the physical touch always helped. Instead she just bared through it. Ritsu would be disappointed, but she didn’t really have the heart to tell him no when he seemed insistent.
At the end of the date, he walked her to her house. It wasn’t a bad time, he certainly wasn’t bad company, but she found herself okay with the fact that it was over. He turned to face her.
“I had a good time, Kageyama.” He said, and moved closer.
Yamato hugged her in a way that was more romantic than not. It was tender and sweet, and she rested her head against his chest and felt… awkward. Maybe it was because she was worn out from the physical contact already. On a rough day, not even her best friend touching her would be comfortable. They parted slightly, and he gazed at her sweetly.
“May I?” He asked.
She considered this, and nodded. She had been wanting more relationship related things to happen, right?
It was a quick kiss. Like everything else, it was fine. She stared blankly back at him.
“Thank you. I will be off now.” Shigeo said with a bow before walking inside, shutting the door without looking back.. She greeted Ritsu, informed her that she had no plans for a second date, and went to her room for the evening to do homework.
She didn’t get more than two problems in before sighing with frustration.
The date was fine. It was fine. It was.. Disappointing. And she couldn’t place why. It should’ve been fine. She wasn’t sure why it wasn’t fine. They did everything right, like a couple would do, but she just…
She thought back to when Teru hugged her. Maybe Teru just had so much more experience with guys that she somehow became better than most guys at hugging. This meant that most guys would probably be disappointing as well. Which was an issue because that would inherently mean that all guys who held her in the future would be a disappointment as well. It even meant anyone she cuddled would disappoint. By practicing with Teru, she’s shot herself in the foot for any future relations.
Shigeo placed her pencil down, not in the mood for homework. She had to consider this more.
—
The next time they hung out, which was frustratingly not for an entire week, Teru was quiet.
Not the comfortable silence either. Shigeo loved sitting side by side with Teru and doing their own stuff, but normally the silence would be filled with Teru. She’d talk about her day, complain about her classmates, laugh at her own jokes, bring endless entertainment to their hangouts just by being herself- and Shigeo was desperately missing that. When it was quiet, it almost felt like it was her job to speak up and help fill the silence, but she never had anything quite as interesting going on as Teru did.
If Teru didn’t want to speak up, however, that was fine. It sucked that it was on a day that Shigeo did want to talk, though. Now it had to be Shigeo’s job to start the conversation. She cleared her throat as a way to break the silence.
“I don’t know if I told you- but the date went… okay.”
Teru paused in her writing, quiet for a moment.
“Oh, cool.” She didn’t sound super enthusiastic. Teru normally loved to talk about relationship drama. Maybe something was wrong? Before she could ask, Teru spoke again. “When’s the next time you’ll go out?”
“I don’t think I will.”
“You won’t?” Suddenly and without warning, she was back. “Why not? He didn’t do anything, did he?”
“No, it was enjoyable, but a little disappointing.” Shigeo explained, playing with the hem of her skirt. “I might’ve had too high of expectations.”
Teru hummed, seeming to have the cork pulled off of the bottle which was her stream of consciousness.
“Is it possible you just didn’t like him? I mean, even a good date won’t be worth the time if you just don’t like the guy. Ugh! Boys, they’re so disappointing. It’s okay, Shigeo, I’m sure you’ll find someone else. Look at you, such a heartbreaker, you know that?”
Shigeo considered this. She doubted that it was ‘boys’ who were disappointing, as she was positive if she and Tsubomi had the same date back in middle school it would’ve left her swooning for days. It might’ve made sense, however, that Shigeo simply didn’t like Yamato.
She paused.
“… How can you tell if you like someone, Teru? You’ve dated plenty of guys, so you should know. I’ve only ever liked Tsubomi, and I thought I liked Yamato, but apparently not.” She had the same thing happen with Emi as well in middle school. She was positive she liked him, but in the end the sparks didn’t seem to last very long. Teru didn’t seem to have anything to say to that. She started speaking once, twice, but seemed to stop herself. A bit of a sheepish look came to her face. For a moment Shigeo assumed that maybe they’d just return to their homework.
“If I’m honest, Shigeo, I don’t think I ever actually liked any of those boys. I don’t think they were my… type.” Teru admitted, a small frown on her face.
“What’s your type, then?”
This time, Teru didn’t respond. She only stared at her homework, pencil motionless in her hand. When the silence stretched on too long, Shigeo went back to her homework as well, feeling off about the conversation. It happened again, she said something wrong and wasn’t sure what. What kind of boy was Teru’s type, anyway? She seemed to get along with Kurosaki, though Shigeo didn’t see them as a pair. Teru told her a little about her different exes. They had been kind, athletic, smart, boring, nerdy- the list went on, but none really had anything in common. She tried a different approach, tried to imagine Teru with any of them. She thought about any of those boys hugging Teru romantically, or holding her, or even cuddling her-
Her stomach twisted bitterly.
Ah.
Maybe she didn’t know what Teru liked, but perhaps she knew what she did.
“Teru?”
“Mm?”
“Have you ever been kissed by a girl?”
Everything paused. Shigeo was sure her face was red with how badly it burned, but she refused to look away, watching as Teru’s eyes widened at the question.
Wordlessly, Teru shook her head, and Shigeo put her pencil down. She moved closer, feeling as if on autopilot as she settled next to Teru.
“W-Well,” This was the part when Teru would give a logical reason for her and Shigeo to act romantically. Shigeo didn’t have a logical reason. “I’m not as good as some other boys. I’m probably pretty bad, but- I uh- uhm-“ She paused and took a deep breath. She could do this, she just had to steady herself. “I was disappointed by my date- but I wasn’t disappointed by you. So, if you want, I’d like to…”
“Yes.” Teru sounded out of breath. Disbelief was written on her face; she looked as flustered as Shigeo felt. “Please.”
Shigeo settled closer so their legs touched as they sat together. She gingerly placed her hands on Teru’s shoulders, not feeling quite brave enough to hold her face. They made eye contact as she leaned forward.
They closed the gap, and it was different.
Butterflies exploded in her stomach. Teru’s lips were soft, which wasn’t surprising. She watched her put on lip balm like it was a nervous habit. The kiss wasn’t anything more than pressing their lips against each other softly. Teru kissed her slightly harder before pulling away.
Shigeo could’ve sworn she was in a daydream. She couldn’t bring herself to look at her friend. When she finally did look up, eye contact was made for only a second before Teru began to giggle. It turned into something akin to a nervous laugh, and when Shigeo began to laugh too she only laughed harder.
“I think I like how girls kiss.” Teru finally said, “Actually, Shigeo, I think I like how you kiss.”
She felt too dizzy. It was entirely different from her date.
“I’m not very good at it yet.” She managed to reply. Teru moved closer to her, pulling her into a hug again. This one felt right, she was meant to be here.
“Do you want some practice? You know… just in case.” Teru offered with a dumb smile gracing her face.
“… No. I think I just want to kiss you because I like you, Teru.”